Before I show you anything

Before I show you anything today, I feel like I should direct a personal note of explanation to Ryan.
Ryan, I want you to know that I’m very much enjoying your Dublin Bay sock pattern. I really love it. It is perfection in and of itself. I have no idea then, why I was compelled to bastardize, modify, personalize the design a little. I have a disease. I am incapable of knitting a pattern all the way through without changing something. Even if, and I stress this, even if there is absolutely nothing lacking in the pattern. I have modified the likes of Alice Starmore (who’s sweaters tend to be a little wide…no offence intended) and The Dale of Norway Team (who had me confused with some knitter who does duplicate stitch). I am an equal opportunity despoiler and I am sorry. I would tell you that I’ll try to stop, but I’d be lying. Let’s not have that between us.
Now, on to todays picture of the corrupted sock.
As you can (probably not) see, I have decided that the pattern should continue down either side of the foot from the leg pattern. Since I’ve accepted that I was out of my mind when I planned these for my brother and have consequently adapted my recipient plan, I see no reason to minimize what I can now freely refer to as “lace” rather than the more masculine “openwork”. I like the continuity of keeping the pattern going down the foot, not that (and again I stress this) not that the pattern was not indefectible, masterful and sublime before I ruined it.
Speaking of my remarkable ability to ruin a piece of knitting. Beth asked yesterday for a picture of the Michelin Man sweater. I have decided to go along with this, but only because Claudia did. (Here, April 7th)
Without further ado I give you the Michelin sweater. Is this not the most attractive sweater in the world?
You will note that while my actual bust is 36″, I have inexplicably chosen a 52″ bust for this sweater (oversize was in…what can I tell you). Similarly, the hips far exceed my own. The colour is..well, it was on sale. The sweater is so heavy that I am shorter when I wear it. I have no excuse. What was I thinking? In my defence I can only tell you that my children were very little and I was badly sleep deprived. The real mystery would be why it is still in my closet when it possess no redeeming qualities. (Well, it’s warm actually. If there is ever a blizzard and the heat goes out I could gather my entire family under it’s bulletproof, huge, green wardship.)
Finally, I have not been cowardly and cut off my head in the photo, but I do want you to know that this picture was taken early, and by a child, and I had not done any er…”improvements”. (Like, say…brushing my hair, drinking coffee or putting on a smidge of lipstick). I am, in reality far more attractive than I appear here, and way taller and thinner than I look. Also, in my real life I am not wearing that sweater. That should help.

20 thoughts on “Before I show you anything

  1. Highly enjoyable morning reading, Stephanie. The line about being shorter when you wear the Michelin sweater had me nearly fall off my chair laughing. And the Dublin Bay sock looks fantastic.

  2. Wow. That sweater is, er, impressive. Not enough rolls for the Michelin Man though. Oversized? Yes. Chunky? Yeah, I’ll give you that. But Michelin Man, no. Sorry buddy.
    I’m not sure I understand how the sock is now ruined. It looks good!

  3. You are a truly brave woman of commendable spirit and pizzazz. Actually, the color isn’t bad, especially considering it was on sale. I must admit that there’s a sweater somewhere in the depths of my cedar chest that might rival that one for … roominess, although without your sweater’s charming appeal.
    The Dublin Bay socks are looking very good; a variation on the pattern’s perfection does not detract from its purity.

  4. We all seem to think we are either larger or smaller than reality. But, hay, you likes reality anyway!? LOL
    Great looking socks. Your more recent knits make up for your ‘past’ anyway.

  5. steph, i think what has me concerned the most in the picutre is the fact that you appear to have only one ear. perhaps i should knit you a cap with earflaps to help disguise your condition? seriously, the sweater is actually very nice, if not slightly bridesmaid’s-dressish in color. and imagine how you’d look in it if you were, say, possessed of a 42 inch bust (like some of us – but i had surgery…it’ll go down, eventually). and the sock is gorgeous – but you knew that. if you’re looking for a new recipient…i’ll have you know that i wear birkenstocks about 99.9% of the time… 😉

  6. Great entry!! I suppose wearing that sweater would count as a weight-bearing-exercise and help ward off osteoperosis?

  7. I think the sweater is fab.u.lous! And you’re adorable, why do you think you need a smidge of anything, let alone lipstick?

  8. Stephanie, you are knitting The Sock I Really Wanted to Design, not the Half-Assed Job I Really Did. I don’t know what happened, but when I thought about continuing the lace down the foot of the sock, somehow it seemed to involve math…which is why the lace stops at the bottom of the ankle. The sock looks beautiful. You go, girl!
    Love the description of the sweater!

  9. I’d like to confirm that Stephanie is both taller and thinner than she appears in photographs, or even in real life. If you ever do meet her you’ll understand completely. It might be the hair…

  10. I love the sweater. I wouldn’t want to wear it, mind you, but it’s fun to look at and think about.
    Your expression while wearing it says it all.

  11. !!Shorter when you wear it!!
    It’s not bad enough that I am in a new job in a new city and don’t know ANYone–but now I have to be “the lady who laughs in her cube [whispered meaningfully] by herself”…
    My first sweater was a v-neck and I made it out of yarn that was way too heavy… rather than showing off my lovely collarbones, it bared my MUCH LESS lovely belly button. It was summarily frogged. Tis a pity I have no pics.

  12. I love the sock – you know patterns are more like *guidelines* anyway, right? (I rewatched Pirates of the Carribean last night… I love Johnny Depp).
    On the sweater – you gotta watch out for those sweaters that eat your hands…

  13. I may have to borrow a phrase and make it a tagline/disclaimer for ANY photo I may publish of myself — “actually taller and thinner than appears in photo.” I love it! Thanks for a great blog — it’s always an enjoyable stop.

  14. Funny, I am sure I have seen a much taller, thinner woman out power-walking in High Park wearing your sweater. I think she borrows it to increase the weight-bearing and sweat-inducing effects of her exercise. I hear she has very buff arms – must be from swinging those sleeves.

  15. Lovely sweater. I just assumed that you made it for your favorite football player (Green Bay defensive lineman, maybe?) & were modeling it to show us how well you knit large scale projects.
    Love the lace down foot of the Dublin Bay. You would wait until I’ve bound off my first sock to share that tidbit. Oh well, next pair….

  16. Uh-oh- the Harlot takes on the challenge! You are the most fearless woman I know! Knitting sleeves actually longer than you need them? I get so bored that I have declared 3/4 length sleeves ‘in’.
    Any picture of me in my disaster sweater would have to have “HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF HER ACTUAL SIZE” watermarked across it.
    Thanks for sharing.
    GREAT socks!

  17. From one disaster-creatress to another — what were you thinking? You, me and my sister can fit in there AT THE SAME TIME.
    (flasback….remember the VK Bubble Sweater?…I confess, Sil & I actually did that once….)
    Please let the cute, skinny girl out of Teal Sweater Prison. Please?

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