Who’s that hussy?

Well look at this. It’s an almost finished Mango tank. Theoretically speaking, all it needs is ribbon, lucet cord or crocheted lace. I say “theoretically” because last night, when I was sort of putting it on to measure the strap length, I got a little bit of a surprise.
The surprise is that this tank top is er, a little revealing. So revealing in fact that I can’t believe that I worried about whether or not the slit in the bottom would show my belly. My belly, my friends is the least of the problem, or problems (plural). The rather shocking development would be that this tank top shows so much of the rack that while I am wearing it, I look for all the world like the only hooker in Toronto wearing finely crafted, hand-knit tart clothes. (Am I really the only woman in the world to perpetually misjudge the size of her breasts? How, after so many years of living together can I still be shocked to find them there? How I ask you, How? I’m forever putting on clothes and looking in the mirror and thinking “Holy crap! Where did those come from!)
That’s it….Stephanie, the knitting prostitute. Standing on a street corner, knitting socks with the rack spilling out of a bright orange mesh tank top. (With an always sophisticated quick release lace up front even). What was I thinking?
Joe thinks that perhaps I am being overly conservative. I think Joe may be trying to get me to dress like a Parkdale Crack Ho. We’ll see. I’m going to put it on and wear it around the house. If I continue to be appalled when I see myself by accident in the mirror, or my 15 year old reminds me that we don’t wear “slut clothes” in this house…..well. A trip to the frog pond may be in my future.
Ryan, the Dublin Bay socks saw “Amazing Caves” at the Cinesphere yesterday. They are having such a good summer so far.

35 thoughts on “Who’s that hussy?

  1. Oh, no fair! We wanna see a picture!!!!!!!!
    C’mon, we promise we won’t show it to anybody. What, don’t you *trust* us, your loyal readers, to keep your secrets?!?!?!?
    (BTW, I have the opposite problem — for my whole life I have continually believed that I *have* breasts. I look in the mirror and think “Shouldn’t there be bumps there, somewhere?”)
    Now, again, about that photo…….

  2. Okay, I hate to bring up the word “crochet” here, BUT what about a little crocheted lace detail to go in the low-cut area. You could use off-white crochet cotton and attach it to the inside of the vest. Just a random thought, but I know that laced topped camisoles have saved my honor many a time while wearing clothes to work.

  3. Oh dear! I nearly sprayed my morning cuppa tea all over the monitor. tee hee. You wouldn’t truly be the Yarn Harlot if you didn’t have at least one tribute to yarn ho-dom in your collection. *giggle*

  4. Great, now I’m hearing bad 70’s porn music in my head. chika bow bow, chika chika chika bow bow………………

  5. Sounds like the rack needs not only tie-downs but a tarp too.
    Instead of standing on the corner knitting socks for the sailors, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to crochet fishnet stockings for you and the other ladies? Or maybe just ensure that tie you’re knitting for Joe is really wide and wear it yourself.

  6. Oh dear!
    It looks innocent enough sans contents!
    I don’t suppose it would do better on one of your offspring either?

  7. heh, yeah, i have that problem too. i knit things that fit my hips and waist perfectly, but somehow end up stretched very tight over the tits.. i totally forget to do the sizing for them

  8. Well, it sounds like you’ve found a unique way to turn your hobby into your profession. Most of us are looking for ways to get more yarn money.

  9. Well, can’t say I’ve ever had this particular problem.
    But in a serious effort to rescue Mango from oblivion, I’ll suggest ripping out the top bit (let’s face it, not much knitting there) and reknitting it with two repeats of short-rows a la Shapely Tank in the front two triangles. That oughta give Laverne & Shirley their rightful due.

  10. *giggle* thanks for the laugh… perhaps you need a bit of interfacing under there to hide the girls from certain slut-dom. Think of it like a swimsuit.. you need a wee bit of lining (or perhaps more than a wee bit) to add extra coverage. Or you can go with the boogie bra that amy created here: http://www.spunkyhats.com/boogie_bra.htm
    I say let them all hang out for only joe to see… But then I’ve been known for my own ho-ness.

  11. I sympathize with the rack problem. I went to bed flat at age twelve, woke up on my 13th birthday with these annoying cantalopes on my chest. What a pain in the neck! And after packing the damn things around all these years, I couldn’t even feed the kids with them….useless, just useless. And what’s with the size of those XL t-shirts these days??
    I made a tank that wound up with that Saturday night slut look when placed on my body. I saved it for those special nights with him me and a bottle of wine….with a slippery cord down the front, you could have an interesting time!

  12. And after I swatched the crochet stitch using your great explanation and everything! Now I don’t know if I should go for it or not. I am less, ummm, endowed…

  13. Parkdale Crack Hos do not wear visions of mango loveliness-I live in the States, so I can’t say that with a ton of authority. However, where I live though, they’re not wearing, let alone knitting, mango-madness wear so I think Joe just wants his harlot to be a hot mango mama… Um, not that I hang around a lot of crack hos or anything…

  14. Guess there’s not much room for a foundation garment under there either, huh? Well, that leaves me out, I love the cute tanks, but I don’t go anywhere without my scaffolding, and if it shows, the whole effect is lost. It is awfully cute, though.

  15. Wow
    Love the site. Have spent the afternoon at work giggling over the archives. The tank is lovely, and cannot really comment on the size issue, being breastless, but i hope you figure something out.

  16. Hey, maybe the Dublin Bays will become the new replacement for the ever-traveling gnome spokesperson for Travelocity!
    Can’t wait for the next installment! (Is there something wrong with the fact that I am living vicariously through pair of inert, half-knit socks?)

  17. One of my co-workers started getting porn spam and did a trip through the network websites to see if anyone had clicked on anything…illicit that would trigger such a barrage. She found Yarn Harlot and grew suspicious.
    I guess with this top, you’d truly be a Yarn Harlot. 🙂

  18. Oh dear, here I was minutes ago suffering badly from morning sickness, and then I read your post and whammo, I am a hysterical idiot laughing at my monitor. I gotta say it though..where’s the stinkin’ picture?? You can’t tease us like that and not let us get a good visual giggle, and no my imagination won’t do at all…some of us less well endowed ladies NEED to see that, yes, there are least a FEW advantages to being built rather like a 12 year old boy.
    ahh, girl you crack me up!

  19. Come on, now, didn’t I call it yesterday?! (about the wee size of those little triangles?) I propose you send it to me (I’m not so well endowed) or definitely Claudia gets it. It is she who sent you the yarn, am I right?

  20. You could always wear the tank top over a long sleeved or snug short sleeved shirt. Layering is the “in” thing now.
    At least a Parkdale Crack Ho is better than a Queen and Sherbourne Crack Ho!

  21. the mango crush tank is lovely. wear a delicate contrasty solid color tank under it. the stitches are so pretty and would show well against white or black.

  22. How about you raffle or auction it off to your loyal cup-half-empty readers? Proceeds to the charity of your choice. Or a trade – a lucky reader’s boob-enhancement for your stash-enhancement.

  23. Didn’t you once mention something about a knit thong? Well, leave the tank as is, and get to work on that thong. You have another wedding anniversary in 356 days!

  24. My solution to the boob problem would be to wear a white men’s short sleeve oxford shirt, buttoned or semi-unbuttoned, on top of it.
    1) It’s a men’s shirt. Women in men’s shirts are sexy. Full stop. Plus, they are great for covering up things we want to cover up but still look really sexy.
    2) You can treat it like a camisole or over-bra-under-shirt layer. It’s this cute peek of bright, fun orange.
    3) The white shirt can also solve the showing tummy problem (which is my problem; I don’t mind showing boob).
    It looks fabulous! Just need to find ways to wear it.

  25. Sounds like it’s the perfect garment for a yarn harlot! ;0) I have the same suspicion about my husband – everytime I think something is too tight, he loves it. I point out to him that the top is intended for outside wear and he just nods. Well, I hope you don’t have to rip!

  26. So sorry to hear about the mango. It looks lovely in it’s unstuffed state, but that’s no good if you are’t comfortable wearing it.
    I personally hate ripping.
    Could one of your girls wear it without it being too revealing? One of your friends?
    There have been some great suggestions in the comments for having this mango live up to it’s potential.
    I *could* post some less practical suggestions but hey…..I leave that to better readers than me 🙂
    Happy Canada Day tomorrow!
    liz 🙂

  27. Don’t frog it, I think it looks great. I’ve seen the pic in “Vogue”…what if you just wore a strapless, fitted tank underneath?

  28. In Windsor, the escort agencies are licensed, so the street whores get a bigger hassle from the police. Thus they don’t look like whores in other cities: they wear sneakers, and hooded sweatshirts, and hang around at bus stops. I have been mistaken for one many times. Where I catch my bus for work is a particularly busy spot, and men cruise by all the time and even ask me if I’m “working”–this while knitting and sometimes wearing my frumpy party store staff shirt!
    I definitely think you should flaunt it. Just break down and get a sexy bra to peek out from underneath.

  29. I have to say, Norma’s right. The triangle’s are the clue. Ever found one of those triangle and string bikinis that actually covers anything over an A cup ?? It’s simple geometry – triangles ain’t meant to cover globes. But hey if the look works, go for it … probably catch your death of cold though.

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