I have decided to retire from my office as “Queen of the World”. I thought it would be fun, but it turns out that there are many things which remain the same, and I have compiled evidence which would make is seem that I was only a pretender to the throne.
1. I could be wrong, but I sincerely believe that the real Queen of the World does not have to scrub the toilet.
2. The real Queen of the World would not be completely broke.
3. As I was shopping for, cooking for and cleaning up after dinner for six, I thought…this is wrong too.
4. I spent hours this morning feeling decidedly dejected and un-queenly when I tried to add a bunch of people to the Thrum-a-long list, and after a period of really, really un-regal smashing about and swearing during which I drank more coffee than is good for me and thought about the screech (even though it was 10:00 in the morning) I discovered that the whole crapping list was not working because I had used “>” instead of the reverse. How many alcoholics and weird, twitchy, overcaffeinated reclusive freaks do you think that html creates every day?
5. The Queen of the world does not almost give up on the stupid Html because she really can’t spare any more laundry time. Also, nobody tries to have the “underpants talk” with the Queen of the World while she tries to figure out html and looks hostile. (NB The “underpants talk” is always swiftly followed by my standard rebuttal, Speech 93-b, subtitled “Don’t talk to me about your underpants, you know where the washer is”. This rebuttal, while well-practiced, is wholly ineffective, but may be somewhat Queenly).
6. The Queen of the World is not so thrillingly outdone by Thrum-a-long Co- hostess Crystal, who posted a clever and helpful tutorial on the art of the thrum, for those of you who find the Harlot method lacking.
I made little progress on the thrummed mitten, but did work past the thumb so that I could cheerfully bring you….
Thrum-a-long, Day 2.
Having worked your merry way up to the placement for the thumb (I assume that if you think the thumb is in the wrong place, you will work more or less rows of the thrum pattern ) we embark on an afterthought thumb, but preplanned.
Knit 2 stitches, then using waste yarn Knit 9, knit to the end of the round.
Continue knitting (maintaining the thrum pattern) until you think the mitten is almost as long as the recipients hand.
The waste yarn will be removed when we are ready for the thumb, and lo and behold, there will be live stiches, ripe for the picking up. ( Many thanks to “Folk Mittens” for the idea)
Your work looks like this.
Northern Exposure
(Am I the only one who loved that show?)
In a bold and foolish move, I’m making a commitment. The Canadian version of the Mason-Dixon sewing up party for Afganalong for Afghans, will be held here in my tiny and untidy house, Sunday the 7th of November at 2 in the afternoon.
While I cannot even begin to top the extravaganza that Ann and Kay held, I promise to bake a cherry upside down cake (with cherries left over from the ordeal), provide some sort of plonk, hose off the kitchen and drag the extra chairs up from the basement.
If you come to this sewing up party, you will recieve the following:
-good karma. Luckily, the more squares you sew up, the better your eternal soul does.
-the good feeling that you can only get from entering the home of someone who is a worse housekeeper than you.
-the chance to play with wool.
-the opportunity to join in a worldwide movement to better the lives of those less fortunate than you (no matter how untidy your house is), just by playing with wool.
Ann and Kay are sending the squares, for the love of yarn, don’t make me sew them up all by myself. I’ll comfort myself with the plonk, eat all the cake….not pretty.

46 thoughts on “Deposed

  1. No, I absolutely love Northern Exposure. I really fancied myself a Lower 48 Maggie. Harlot, no one can be a worse house-keeper than I. Sorry to de-throne you on this day of self-reckoning.

  2. Unfortunately I live to far away to come to the party, pity cause I like sewing up, hope you get lots of helpers.
    Your mitten looks great so far.

  3. Actually, I have the crown and badge for worst housekeeper of all time (females over 20 qualifying).
    Now that I have a job again that it looks like will actually be there in a year – I am going to get a housekeeper – just as soon as we pay off the credit cards.
    Hmmm, I could come up with a good excuse to visit my brother and just go to your house instead? I adore my brother – but I think you are more fun.

  4. Well, at least you abdicated and weren’t dethroned…
    As for the sew-up party? I’m there! Oh- anybody want to coach for me on the 7th of November? Synchronized swimming. The girls are great. Please???

  5. Harlot, Northern Exposure is on in re-runs on the Onmi Station (Toronto) at 1 p.m. which means that we have all missed it today. Of course we all miss it everyday if we are otherwise occupied with the cleaning of underpants etc. Sigh. I think I’m more of a Marilyn than a Maggie — a knitter you know.

  6. Hi, I can’t come to the sew up party, too far away. 🙁 I do have a question about the thrum along though. How much of a problem is it that I’m dying to spin my roving? I got the Fleece Artist Kit and its killing me not to spin this gorgeous stuff. I’m making tiny thrums in the hopes that I’ll have some leftovers.

  7. *I have decided to retire from my office as “Queen of the World”.*
    Does this mean I have to quit doing shooters at 10 am on Monday mornings now?
    Oh, right… Sorry, back to focusing on you. =)

  8. Oh, Harlot, how I wish it were true that I could see your place and see a worse housekeeper than I. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Here’s a hint. I work in politics. I own enough underwear to make it through the legislated minimum for both provinicial and federal elections without doing laundry due to lack of underwear (28 and 33 days, for those who care). I have seen relaxed housekeeping at its best.
    Jane in Toronto

  9. Love(d) Northern Exposure! Caught a few lately on OMNI2. I will be there to sew with darning needles in hand. We are bigger than housework, non? Jane, do you really have that many underwear???

  10. I love those mittens! The black wool and colored roving look wonderful – I’m jealous that *I* didn’t think of such a thing.
    However, I am also not Queen of the World. I don’t care what you say, I am going to insist that you are still royalty, if for no other reason than the Latvian Mittens.

  11. ‘Your work looks like this….’ Not quite. Grey mittens with black (merino…it’s what I had on hand that looked somewhat ‘manly’) thrums, that don’t quite look like those perfect little v’s pictured….more like little black blobs/polkadots. I’m guessing the Screech is a requirement? *grin* Suppose Captain Morgan will do in a pinch? I may have to try it and see. LOL

  12. Might I suggest a more humane way to encode html?
    You could install MT Textile and all you have to do to create a link is “link title”:link and neat tricks are here
    Textism is a hosted site that does all this for you if you don’t want to install your own MT Textile plugins. Just use the code listings on the right, then click the Text to HTML button, copy, and paste! Back to being a Duchess, at least.
    Drop me an email if you need any help. I find textile a much much easier way than typing all that html. Hmmm “”: compared to <a href=””&gt&lt/a&gt yeah…

  13. Here’s the thing, though. What if I drag my pathetically expectant self ALL THAT WAY NORTH to Canada and find, to my utter dismay, that you are NOT a worse housekeeper than me? I crave that feeling but find it exceedingly difficult to get in the Age of Swiffering. I may need pictures, documentation, affidavits from people who have been frightened by the state of your fridge. That sort of thing. Just the facts, ma’am. I will compare with my own dossier and adjust my expectations accordingly.
    But in all seriousness you are DOING A SWELL THING. I hope you get a rambunctious, bibulous, ravenous, dexterous crowd like we did in NYC. Keep us posted. love, Kay

  14. still haven’t stopped surfing the radio looking for Chris in the Morning….
    And Maggie should definitely qualify as a Super Hero – she was totally the coolest!
    I heard that Queen stuff isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway. You have to sit up straight all the time, chew with your mouth closed and God help you if you burp!

  15. I wish they would bring back Northern Exposure. My all time favorite show.
    Love your thrummed mittens. If I did not live in Southern California, I swear I would thrum, too. Can you thrum with cotton??
    I want to come to your sew along and try the cherry cake, but that’s quite a drive.
    You keep me in stitches.
    Love from the other sunshine state

  16. I wish they would bring back Northern Exposure. My all time favorite show.
    Love your thrummed mittens. If I did not live in Southern California, I swear I would thrum, too. Can you thrum with cotton??
    I want to come to your sew along and try the cherry cake, but that’s quite a drive.
    You keep me in stitches.
    Love from the other sunshine state

  17. We used to count how many lines Dave the cook got each week. My role model though, at least for coiffure, is Ruth Ann.
    But Harlot, there’s a difference between a harlot and a slut (in the pure, historic sense) and you’ll never qualify if the first item on your list brings up scrubbing toilets. “Mrs. Patch was a perfectly incapable housekeeper, and things in her house was generally dusty where they wasn’t sticky,” in an old Thomas Beer story.
    But cheer up. Think of yourself as Queen of the World in Exile (nice koan) — lots of queens in exile are flat broke. You’ll just have to hock your socks, gems that they are.

  18. I too miss NE. I’ve enjoyed eating at the Roslyn Cafe and had beer at The Brick. I half expected to see the moose as well.
    Love the mittens! I may have to add them to my to do list for next year (this year being a leeetle full right now).

  19. Of course the Queen of the World scrubs her own toilet and launders everyone else’s underpants. Otherwise her subjects would rise up in a fit of jealous rage over her Latvian mittens, her goregously-dyed roving, and her witty wily words.
    Here in Florida, we no longer describe unkempt rooms with the phrase “looks like a hurricane blew through.” So, you know, your house doesn’t really look As Bad As Possible.

  20. Well, I’m thrumming along, but have no blog, so you will just have to believe me. I really wanted to follow the pattern, I did, but I also wanted to use some odd stuff, so instead I made them top down. I just need to add thumbs- Are you thrumming your thumbs? I also used some of the roving to spin some yarn that I used for a wee bit of color work on the cuff. I am extrememly grateful for this Thrum along- I haven’t felt so smug in years!!

  21. Oh, I’ll come to the sew-along! And I’ll bring baked things, for sure! And potations, as well, should they be desired.
    And I’m sorry, but I have to chime in with my own disbelief that you’re a worse housekeeper than I am. For one thing, your blog is full of references to all sorts of housekeeping-related activities –none of which are ever mentioned on my blog, because I simply don’t do them. Ever, really, except if relatives are coming to stay. It’s a good thing I don’t have kids, because Social Services would have some things to say about me raising them in such a hazardous environment…

  22. ‘Splain please, Lucy, how do you do the waste yarn part??Do you connect it somehow, lay it in there??? That is something I’ve never done yet.
    Ah yes! Your colored roving just does look so spiffy! And I also loved Northern Exposure.

  23. I thought scrubbing the toilets is what made me Queen of the World-or at least Queen of this household. And honestly, Northern Exposure was the only show I watched from first episode to last. They may have been in “Alaska”, but Maggie was from Michigan-right on!!

  24. your rainbow thrums are beautiful!
    they only instill in me the intense desire to stripe rainbow/bring koigu with black to make lovely mittens.
    i hope your seaming party goes well!

  25. I’ve just started watching Northern Exposure on DVD, and I love it! Your sewing party prompted me to discover that it would take me 8 hours and 46 minutes to drive from Nashua to Toronto. A bit long for a weekend trip, I suppose…

  26. I love NE – I’ve been to the cafe, since it’s really in Washington . . . right. And I am so there on the thrum-along – thanks so much for setting up such a vastly entertaining and thorough a-long!

  27. While I can see that QOTW may have it’s disadvantages, does it have a big ol’ honking tiara to make it worthwile? I think the tiara (or lack thereof) may be the dealbreaker.

  28. Steph,
    Your mitten looks fabu! Just like you!
    I updated my blog with the new addition: the yarn you sent! Thanks for sending me this beautiful creation! It is so pretty!

  29. When faced with the “underwear talk” you should try employing argument 96-c, one that always works for me.
    Just sing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” at the top of your lungs, screaming the lines “JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG” in the underwearless person’s face every time he/she asks about the underwear.
    Threaten to repeat your performance in front of underwearless’s friends.
    You will not hear this argument again for quite some time.
    No need to thank me – we queens need to stick together. And everyone knows that if one would just place the underwear in the hamper of clothes to be washed instead of leaving them lying about, that they would get washed and one would not be underwearless!!!

  30. I have to add my voice to the chorus of bad housekeepers. . .I’m betting that your house and mine look EXACTLY THE SAME, the only difference being that you have three teenagers and I have none. If I can have the same kind of mess without the kids to make it, I must be cleaning up a lot slower.
    (wanna trade pictures of our dining-room tables? Mine is covered in a near avalanche of magazines, old Globe and Mails, books, carving tools, bills, Canadian Tire money, sketches, patterns, yarn and many, many needles and crochet hooks. Does yours look like that too?)

  31. Ooo, yes. Northern Exposure. <3 Loved that show! EVery time I go to target or best buy, I pet the season one dvd case (lovingly ensconced in a wee orange puffy vest) and whisper sweet nothings about taking it home. stupid lack of money…

  32. I love the looks of your rainbow thrums. I think I am going to have to try some dying. I am having a great time with the mittens. Hope to finish the thumbs tomorrow evening.

  33. I don’t care. You’re still QOTW to me. I’ll have to check my calendar for November. Man, I’ve had way too much time “off” lately. I would LOVE to go seaming, though. I shall try.

  34. i loved northern exposure
    and i just say no to housework
    wish i could come and sew with you
    not good at that either but plonk helps
    ps. did you know the comments form won’t take a gmail dot com address? it says it’s questionable content
    ha ha ha!

  35. First, QOTW has nothing to do with housework.
    Second, I thought I was the worlds worst housekeeper. Then, I went visiting. For the first time in my life I cleaned someone else’s toilet before using it. And I grew up with an outhouse, so perhaps you can imagine.
    So far my thrumming is in my head. I am still attempting to convert the tension of the sambuca to the screech.
    Barb B.

  36. Since I am not in Canada and cannot attend this event, please post the cake recipe! Yum, yum! Maybe I can host a sympathy event, complete with aforementioned cake, too!

  37. Are they sending ENOUGH squares? Are we – your faithful subjects, to contribute?
    If so, are we allowed to use Patons Decor? I bought a bunch in a fit of “love those muted colours” and now can’t find a use for them.
    You are not fooling anyone on the topic of bad housekeeping. We who read your blog regularly have seen enough references to your “sense of household duty” to know that your place is definitely more orderly than ours.

  38. I don’t think I went out on a Sunday night the entire time Northern Exposure aired ( the first time ) and I taped most of them. This did NOT endear me to my family ( shhhhhhh… don’t talk while I’m watching the show.. ).

  39. (Northern Exposure, oh yes. But has anyone seen re-runs of “The Beachcombers” anywhere? My favorite show as a kid–of course, we only got one channel. Try “Corner Gas”, the new golden standard for television comedy. End of commercial.)
    You are still Queen of the World. I declared myself A Lady just for figuring out how to get a knitting blog.
    Just hang a sign by your backdoor like mine: “There’s FUN in dysFUNctional!” (Lately I have also added, “When I SNAP, you’ll be the first to go!”, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.)

  40. So, yesterday I was at a yarn shop, finding a fringing option for a Very Harlot poncho (the second. they really *are* addictive. this one has a slight modification: a knife holder, for the 6-year old recipient, who likes the safety of having his bendy, plastic knife on his person at all times).
    And there, in the store, in the very back of the store, was a littl baskit of roving.
    A roving, a roving, a roving’s been my rue-eye-en…
    …I bent down and fondled some. There was mohair, and top yak, and various other soft-looking, soft-feeling, soft-smelling… “I’d really better not get any of these, even though there’s this really nifty thrum-along going on,” I told my shopping companion. Who, being married to me and wanting to please me, said: “Why not?” “because… ” this took some thinking. “because… then I’d be tempted to learn how to spin, and…”
    When we got home, DS13 fondled the roving, and insisted that when the spinning class starts, he’s part of it, too. He even let me braid his long, luxurious hair, as long as he got to bury his face in the roving.
    So I’ll be joining this-here thrum-along… …no Screech, I’m afraid, but I’ll see what I can do about excessive amounts of coffee…

  41. So, I am surprised that noone else asked this question… About the thrum mitten thumbs – When you use the waste yarn for the 9 thumb stitches, the working yarn is dropped, and stranded across the back of the work? Is anything done with it later so its not in the way?

  42. Diana
    I did this bit last evening (we won’t discuss what I was watching and yelling at the TV about). Here’s what I did: Knit 2 with your main mitten yarn, then drop the yarn. Knit 9 stitches with waste yarn, then slip all 9 back onto the left needle. Pick up your main yarn again, knit across the 9 stitches and then just keep knitting as usual. Apply Screech as necessary to the affected area.

  43. a sew-up party in TO? send me the details, i have in-laws coming to Mtl. next week but not sure when they’re leaving. i’d love to dream about going to the sew-up (while visiting some of my family in TO and driving leisurely to out-of-the-way woll producing farms) — while folding my laundry & sorting through my winter/summer clothing, of course…
    more laundry
    the thrummed mittens are beautiful enough to wear inside-out!!
    kaf in MTL

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