Can’t I just knit something for this?

So it’s almost Halloween, and that disturbing thing is happening again. Ordinary women, who would normally laugh in your face and lie down on the floor of The Gap and giggle madly, spilling their custom Starbucks coffee all over themselves if you merely suggested that they make their children’s clothing are responding to some deep human instinct and are being dragged helplessly by a psychotic maternal urge to make capes and hats and clown costumes to prove their love. They are in line at Fabricland and they all look a little dazed. They aren’t sure what’s happening to them. After all, they aren’t sewing mothers, they haven’t sewn anything since last Halloween when they finished that elf thing at three in the morning, and that’s really sort of hazy. There may have been rick-rack or interfacing or something where you had to clip the curves. Who knows. All they know is that not only are they at a Fabricland (oh…the humanity) but they are caring a lot about finding a princess pattern that doesn’t have poofy sleeves (because they are *so* Disney..and we’re aiming for a more Lord of the Rings sort of princess) and that they suddenly are feeling sort of pissy that ribbon doesn’t come in more shades of pink.
How do I know?
Shoot me. For the love of wool. Shoot me.
There are so many ways out of this sewing nightmare. I can think of lots of things that wouldn’t take any more than a hot glue gun, four things out of my recycle bin, 10 minutes and a stapler. What’s wrong with those ideas? I even hear tell of parents who (get this…) BUY costumes, ready made. Freaky eh? It’s not like I don’t try to avoid this either, why just this year my two greatest no-sew costumes of all time were rejected again. (You may steal these. Someone should have some satisfaction. I’ve been trying to get one of my kids to do this for 15 years.)
1. A highway. The child wears all black or gray clothing, then yellow and white reflective tape is applied to their body in the pattern of a road. The arms and legs are ramps. Hot glue gun toy cars onto the road.
2. The child wears various half knitted objects. Sleeves for leg warmers, swatches in various states of unravel pinned to them… odd balls and skeins of yarn are stuck to them with hot glue. When someone asks what they are, they reply….Stash.
The baby hat is done. The cat is still completely uncooperative. I didn’t even try to put it on her head. (Ignore the black fur stuck to the side of the hat).
I’m trying to resist the urge to knit bootees. I expect to fail.
Kristin wanted to see how the decreases on the top look….
I oblige. I changed my basic recipe a little for this, (Can you believe that I can’t even knit my own pattern without changing it? It’s a disease.) instead of just gathering up the stitches, I worked a little I-cord at the top. I think it looks like a little stem. This amuses me to no end, mind you…I’m still a little shocky from the whole Fabricland thing. I’ll be looking for my pincushion, if anybody needs me.