I may not survive my daughters adolescence.
Despite my girls being really very good, self-respecting girls with high self-esteem, from time to time it feels becomes necessary to give lectures on the fickleness of teenaged boys and explain that you can’t really worry about not being what boys say they want, and just because *someone* doesn’t like you the way you are does not mean that you should try to change everything about yourself before tomorrow because tomorrow the fickle arse will say that he wants something else and that the best thing to do is to just be yourself because all that they really want is….well, trust me. I attempted to convey that teenage boys have an, er….narrow focus. Boys have *needs* and they are driven to act on them. I’m trying to block out the part where, in a fit of motherly malcontentment, desperate to a) be cool b) convey my deep feelings about female solutions to male problems at this age and c) in my rush to explain the deep, complex, innermost workings of the male adolescent mind I accidentally blurted taught my teenaged daughters the phrase “choking the chicken”. (Big mother points there. Big points. Just kill me. Never mind. I’ll knit a noose.) During this first horrific phase of the conversation, I discovered that if I have these kinds of stressful conversations with my daughters I spin very quickly.
That there is 190 metres of Laurie’s Moorit spun and plied into 24 wpi yarn. I’ve spun about half of what she sent, so there will probably be about double this when I’m done.
As I attempted to recover my equilibrium and discuss rationally the issue that boys have *needs* and there is nothing really wrong with that but it certainly has nothing to do with you….I felt the need for a good stiff drink the second Estonian mitten.
Nothing like an Estonian braid festival to take the edge off.
I further pressed my point that having *needs* is normal and healthy and that nobody, even girls should worry about feeling that they may have some *needs*, but that when you are very young and you cannot possibly deal with the consequences of acting on *needs* in any way…no matter how much the young couple in question really, really love each other and even if they know in her their hearts that they will be together forever…none of these young children people should act on these *needs* in any way but the most ….er, private of ways, and that that is what I really meant with the whole chicken thing and I didn’t mean to be crass but that it’s really All. So. Clear.
Desperate to avoid any further conversation about being your own best friend normal human behaviour I explained further about the consequences of *needs* while knitting this sock
and feeling some *needs* to knit a wire chastity belt, I settled for beginning another sock (and contemplating how if we could just teach everyone to channel frustration into hobbies we wouldn’t need to have days like this)
which will be kept by the computer as the world swirls darkly and I surf “How to talk to your teen” sites. Somebody shut me up next time.