Realistically, there are three days left. Three days…and I still need to finish two pairs of mittens, with a third pair needed on the 28th that I haven’t started yet. This is pair #1.
I’m feeling pretty good about them, despite having knit most of them in between wet basement psychotic breaks. (We are not speaking of the basement. The important thing is that I am not down there now and I am not planning on going down there for at least a day. I’m not going to think about it until the vein in my forehead stops beating out an SOS message that is visible to others.)
Sometime in the next 24 hours I need to figure out how these would be “Dragon mittens”. I also need two pairs of clogs and a pair of socks. This is a lot. Even I can see that. The pair of socks are getting close, but I haven’t even looked at the clogs yet. This is worrisome.
There comes a time in every holiday season when even the most insane determined of knitters has to admit that maybe she isn’t going to make it. That maybe it’s too much. That maybe it can’t be done. That maybe, it’s all about peace and love and spending time relaxing by the tree and just letting go of all the material crap that weighs us all down and remembering that it’s the thought that counts and that your family would rather get a gift still on the needles than have you an exhausted gibbering mess.
Now is not that time.
Do not give up. I can understand how you might be thinking those mushy things, but I can assure you that there is lots of time. Tons. I don’t need my knitted stuff until the afternoon of the 25th. That means that I have 72 hours left. What could you knit in 72 hours? Seriously, think about how long it takes to knit stuff. There is 72 hours available. What could you do with 72 hours? Hat? Mittens? Scarf? Do not be deluded by the number of days left. Let go of the idea of “days”, it’s only discouraging and once you are knitting around the clock it’s largely irrelevant anyway. Press on.
1. Coffee. Do not worry that you are drinking too much unless your family says “What is that thumping noise?” and you realize it is your heartbeat.
2. Sleep is for cowards. Besides, the tree looks prettiest at 4am and if you really luck out you can get to see “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians“. I assure you they don’t show these gems in prime time.
3. There is no place in the next three days for negativity. If anyone tries to talk to you about the knitting pace do not allow them to cloud the issue with facts and logic. If they persist, ask them if they are trying to ruin Christmas.
Gifts for Knitters Day 22.
Ok. Do this. Go to the store and get 2 plastic boxes with lids. Make sure that one of your boxes is at least 9 inches long. Label the top “DPNS”
Go to the yarn shop and get the things in this picture.
Tape measure, wool needles and holder, crochet hook for picking up stitches, row counter, needle gauge, stitch markers, scissors, stitch holders a notebook for writing in and a pack of post-it notes. (The post-it notes are handy for putting notes on a pattern without marking it up, keeping track of where you are in a chart…etc.)
Put them in the other box. Wrap both boxes and feel like a genius.
Do not worry if you think your knitter already has this stuff. This stuff is transient. As an example, I personally have bought at least 94 tape measures in my life. I don’t know where they go. Ditto for stitch markers. There is a doorway to the seventh dimension that sucks knitting notions into an invisible swirling vortex of doom. There are 98765345623467 pairs of scissors in there. The entrance may be the crack in the side of the couch. Be careful.