Happy Christmas

This is it. This is the big Harlot coup de grace. I know you want to hear crazed stories of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth at 2 am. (True). Stories of demented midnight yarn hunts, managing to finish felted clogs by the light of the moon hopped up on egg nog with only a metre of yarn to spare. (True) Stories of the Harlot children, sadly abandoned while their babbling and exhausted mother refuses to cook, screeching about how many hours are left and how screeching slows her down and they had better all get it together around here because it is coming down to the wire people and how if they don’t pick up that wet towel on the floor she’s going to throw all of the presents into the snow and who will be happy then…EH? (True as well. I get festive I tell ya.)

I’d tell you those stories too, and maybe I will…. later. For now, I’m on track, on schedule, and will probably finish. (Well. I need to knit an entire man sized pair of Estonian Mittens before the 28th….Maybe I’ll just do a photo blog for the next few days. Row by row updates. You guys have nothing better to do…right?) I’m still considering Julia’s absolutely brilliant plan for anything I don’t finish.

For now…I’m reeling it in. This afternoon at 5:00 the Harlot family will roll out the door for the beginning of the holiday season, and I’ll stop. I won’t stop knitting, I won’t stop trying…but I will stop making myself nuts about it. I’ll remember that the reason that I attempt death by knitting every year is to make these people happy and to show them my love..albeit in an unusually wooly, looped way…but it is about love and I’d rather be with them than knit for them, and I think they want that too. (This lovely and calm Christmas message is only possible because I believe that I will finish. If I were further from done I assure you that I would be a berzerker, espousing victory at all costs. Let’s overlook that.)

Gifts for knitters #24

(Yeah, I missed 23. Sue me. I’ve been busy.)

I know, I know. It’s Christmas eve and you’re freaking out. You worry that you have not got the right gift for your knitter. You worry that there is going to be a snowflakes chance in Hades that you are going to be able to go out and get today’s gift for your knitter. Relax. I’ve saved the best for last. The absolute perfect gift for every single knitter. Give your knitter


Time to knit. Go walk the dog, take the kids skating, scrub the bathroom, make dinner or acquaint yourself with your very own Mr. Washie. (Added bonus, If your knitter sees you doing housework there may be a gift in it for you. After a certain number years of living together housework is foreplay). If you cannot bring yourself to do any of those things then simply give your knitter time during which you expect that they will do nothing but knit. After all, it’s what your knitter gives you. The hats, mittens and sweaters they shower you with aren’t just made of soft, lovely wool, each knitted item is magic. It is made from hours and hours of your knitters life. Time spent sitting and working with you in mind…time that they chose to give to you above all others, carefully hidden in a hat.

This Christmas, make your knitter a cup of tea, give them a kiss and GO AWAY.

Happy Christmas all. From the Harlot house to yours,