I’m just going to ask once. Please, back off. Everybody with the blogs and the nice new wool and the projects that are better than mine (because they are not mittens) …just back off. Clapotis is bugging me. I don’t care how many times you show me Clapotis, I’m not ripping this back and turning it into one until the mitten is knit.
The fact that this yarn has somehow made it’s way from the upstairs UFO containment zone onto the top of the piano is completely unrelated to the level of my resolve. I was just looking at it, that’s all.
Just so that you all understand…here are some strategies that are not going to work.
I will remain unmoved even if you write poetry about it.
I will not knit it even if you knit it in Toronto out of Fleece Artist.
I will not knit it even if it is recommended to me by the Editor of Knitty. She, like Clapotis itself, is biased.
I will not knit it even if you call it “The Clapper” , thus making it sound like it is even more fun and funky that it already did. (As well as rather vaguely like a venereal disease..) as well as knitting it in the yarn (Morehouse Merino Laceweight) that just happens to be on the top of the piano.
Putting it in my favourite colours is just mean.
Knitting it in my other favourite colours and then blogging about it in French to make it even more magnifique, and even going so far as to tell me that “C’est très plaisant” is tricky, charming and Not. Going. To. Work.
I will not knit it, even if in the picture on your blog you look really, really great wearing it and I start thinking that I might look that good if I was wearing a Clapotis, especially since we both have curly hair and that makes is seem so possible.
Finally, even if you write about it charmingly, and make it sound as though the inner peace and zen I so desperately seek this month will be found along the running, elegant dropped stitches of Clapotis, I will resist you.
In fact, you should all just abandon the stinking idea that I can be corrupted at all. I am resolute in my intention to finish the mitten, even though it got pretty stinking old about a half a mitten ago. I’m not ripping back the shawl and starting Clapotis. The needles just sort of ….fell out.
I will remain faithful to the mitten.
Speak now or forever hold your peace. I mean it. This is the one chance to tell me that the thumb is in the wrong place or that the braids aren’t right or that I screwed the pattern. I will take this minute to point out that all of you watched me knit the two right mittens and not one of you said a word. Not one of you. You’re all just sitting there drinking your juice/coffee/tea/vodka, and I post pictures of me (sort of) clearly knitting two right mittens and not one of you says “Whoa…hold up there” and scrolls down the screen a little to the previous mitten and saves me. Not that I’m holding you accountable, I’m just saying that now might be a really good time to pay a little attention. (Do not point out to me that I never showed you a picture of the palm of the second mitten. I’m busy deferring blame and now is not the time to cloud the issue with facts and logic. Besides, you should have expected that there would be something wrong with the knitting. )
I have not yet run out of the grey…I don’t know how it’s possible, but I seem to be knitting without using any of it up. I’m starting to think that it’s a mitten miracle. You know…there’s only enough Kroy to last for ten rows but somehow it lasts for 70?
I’ll be conducting a search for more, and continuing on the mitten as soon as blog consensus and approval is reached.
Janet has a copy of Weekend Knitting that the very lucky Sue M. is going to be pouring over.
How about these?
Kim made these beautiful felted mittens with an electric sander. Go read about it, especially if you are Kristen W.
Finally for today, Grace J. won this (well, not this one but one just like it)
from Erin. It is worth noting that that Erin donated this, then won yesterday. This is proof that Karma is occasionally obvious.