I have always said “when I run the world, things will be different.” Debit cards will all swipe in the same direction, there will only be one kind of screwdriver…coffee will be free. There were other things too, but I didn’t know what they were until I woke up on Saturday in an alternate universe.
I know that claiming that I have, in a moment of such profound shift that I didn’t even notice it, had my entire universe changed might seem a little crazy. I know that swearing that This Is Not My Life, might seem a little odd. I know.
The evidence is overwhelming.
1. It was only a year ago that I was pining away, wishing that I was a knitter going to Maryland Sheep and Wool. This Saturday morning I got up at 4:30 in the morning and took planes until I landed in Baltimore. (It took a couple. Wisely, no one attempted conversation with me during this time.) Sarah-the-wonder-publicist had offered me two choices for getting there. I could get up at 4:30am and leave, arriving in time for a whole day of woolie fun, or I could meet my human needs for sleep and restoration and catch a plane later in the day, arriving whole and human, but missing out on some of the Maryland fun.
I can’t believe she even asked which I would prefer.
2. There is more wool, sheep, yarn, alpacas and Llamas at Maryland sheep and wool than exists in my world. There is so much that you run the risk of becoming “wool blind”. For the first while that you are there you can’t even register all the yarn and fleece and wool. You can scarcely breathe. (This may have something to do with the crushing crowds. Crushing.) It is nothing short of dizzying.
3. All my imaginary friends from the internet are real.
(This is a nest of bloggers discovered in their natural habitat.)
This was so comforting that I can’t tell you. (It had crossed my mind that I had invented myself a posse of like minded figments of my imagination to email with. ) I met so many of you that my mind reeled. Every time I looked up it was someone that was astonishing. I met many blog supporters, many blog writers, far too many to name here (My alternate universe does not yet have unlimited on line time.) Check in with the usual suspects for the whole story. Click their links, behold the wonder that is my alternate universe.
4. This sheep knows something is up.
5. EVERYONE in my new universe knits. They knit, and spin and think that the sheep above is a wonder. They talk about fibre, they buy yarn. They think that “knit too much” is hysterical. In the hotel rooms in my new world, the knitters gather in the evening and show each other their new yarn, and not one person thinks anybody (even people who bought a LOT) are strange. In my new universe…non knitters are people like Eric here,
People who know the value of a sock and will hold it high during a tasty dinner in Saratoga Springs NY.
6. In Knitterworld, socks travel to far away knitshops and pose in the window for all the world to see.
Inside, knitters gather to support and enjoy each others company, helping each other to understand that what is normal, is fitting as much yarn as you can possibly freakin get into whatever you call home and then looking for more.
In the world that I live in now, knitters travel from New Jersey to Saratoga springs for the celebration of knitting.
I’m not entirely sure how far it is from New Jersey to Saratoga Springs, but people seemed really impressed with Judy and Miranda.
(Note: the new and perfect world showed a minor breach when I noticed (right before my visit with these charming knitters) that I had a largish hole in the crotch of my pants. I suppose some elements of my real world are just to big to beat down. )
7. In my new alternate universe, (and this is really compelling) when Sarah-the-wonder-publicist calls to get a sedan to drive you from Saratoga Springs NY to Amherst MA they show up with a FREAKING SUPER STRECH LIMO because they are all out of sedans.
Here we have my sock, Sarah-the-wonder-publicist and Robert MY FREAKING CHAUFFEUR in the parking lot where I was busy having a stroke.
The sock reclined in the inside of the limo,
A thousand thanks to Robert for putting on all the bells and whistles and giving me an extremely cool 2 hours in my alternate world.
Dude, it was a blast.
For now, I’ll be sewing up the hole in my pants.
Nothing lasts forever.