That’s going to leave a mark

Yesterday sucked. It sucked with an expansiveness and a volume that defied the laws that rule the earth.

Unbeknownst to you all, I have not been feeling well. (The violence with which I held the yarn in contempt yesterday for my own incompetence should have been a basic clue that I was a little out of sorts, though Joe points out that I have enough…er, “passion” that it can occasionally be hard to tell.) I woke up yesterday morning and came rapidly to the conclusion that the UTI that I had been dealing with (mostly by drinking cranberry juice and wishing it would go away) had gotten right out of hand. (No lectures on the perils of leaving a UTI untreated for three days please. I have an immune system, and I’m always willing to give it a shot to step up. Besides. I have been punished enough.) I phoned my perfectly charming and affable family doctor and was in his office (stopping only to further wreak havoc looking for the stupid zephyr and to knit my requisite repeat on the baby blanket) two hours later.


The doctor and I agree after a few words that I am completely correct and have a very nice UTI, he writes a prescription and delivers the mandatory lecture on not seeking timely medical advice and “how much worse it could have been.” I snatch the precious prescription from his chastising hand and beat it the hell out of there to the pharmacy. (If I give up on alternative medicine, I’m usually sick enough to be in a hurry.)

Through a serious of events involving availability, affordability and my own hostility and impatience, 20 minutes later I am out the door furiously carrying about 46 gallons of PEDIATRIC antibiotics.

Pediatric antibiotics are, naturally being intended for babies and young children, a little different than the adult version. For starters they are liquid. (A truly nasty flavour that is supposed to be “fruit punch” and actually resembles fruit punch exactly the way that creme brulee resembles cat litter.) In addition to being a liquid, they are not so strong. This means that if a grownup needs to (for the reasons of availability and hostility mentioned above) take these pediatric antibiotics, that she needs to calculate her weight, and then take the right number of millilitres per kilogram. Roughly translated, I need to take about sixteen GALLONS of this foul stuff (fruit punch my arse) every 12 hours.

So I’m heading home (with my backpack full of the bottles and bottles of the pediatric antibiotics) and I’m furiously heading for the turnstile of the TTC station and in my (aforementioned) state of yarnless hostility, I dump my money into the farebox and pretty much go through the turnstile.


I say “pretty much” because all of me went through, with the mere exception of my entire left thigh.

My left thigh (probably still due to some degree of hostility, or perhaps a result of some sort of gross miscalculation from the added weight of the veritable ocean of pediatric antibiotic I was carrying) did not go through the turnstile. My left thigh, which I can assure you with all confidence is NOT two inches wide, caught between the spoke of the turnstile and the wall of said turnstile in a space which IS (not by coincidence I am sure) exactly two inches wide.

For the record, in case anyone is wondering, should you get your left thigh caught in a turnstile during some sort of antibiotic temper tantrum (which, much like the antibiotic, was very pediatric) the pain that you feel when you wedge your entire freaking thigh into this impossibly small space is enough to make you see a brilliant, flashing parade of colours. The foul language that you use is enough to wither nearby summer flowers, and the temperature of the tile floor you fall onto as you writhe in agony having wrenched your not two inch wide thigh free of the spectacularly two inch space is quite cool.

This event is actually so incredibly painful, even to passersby that the dude behind you in line at the turnstile will actually gasp in horror at your misfortune as you gnarl yourself into a knot on the floor, breathless and stunned spectacular, and then that dude will say with low reverence and shock (and I quote)

“Whoooaaaa…That’s going to leave a mark”.

Thank you dude. YES IT IS.

Now, because I am a McPhee, and unless you are one you will never really understand this, I must…MUST get up off the floor of the TTC station and carry on to the bus (even though my mangled thigh is screaming vociferant high volume pain messages to my brain) I must get up, and walk to the bus while publicly laughing it off. The code of McPhee states that you must pretend nothing is wrong with you even if you are on fire or need an ambulance. You get up (even if you only have one working leg) and you smile at nearby dudes, and carry on. Which I did.

When I got to the bus I took deep breaths and clutched my pediatric antibiotics, quietly begging for a swift journey home.

By the time I got home, I was no longer quite so prideful and injured, just seriously pissed. I guzzled the first of my gallon doses of antibiotic, avoided Joe’s stares and when Amanda (who is finished high school for the summer and continually home, and continually talking) said “Mom?” I responded with “Don’t call me that”.

The kid took a minute, absorbed the antibiotics, the glaring hateful stare, the wild and humid hair and the newly aquired FREAKING LIMP and then said….” Stephanie?”

I went upstairs. I had a smashed thigh, an angry immune system, pain in regions best left unmentioned, a sloshing belly full of incredibly vile pediatric antibiotics, a teenager home for the summer and NO ZEPHYR YARN to heal me. What better time to do laundry I ask you, what better time. So I’m in the bedroom and the pain in my leg is still purple and I’m snatching things up and hurling them into a laundry basket in a way that I hope conveys my full fury and disappointment at my current karma level, when I wrest one of Joe’s tee shirts off of the treadmill. (Which we do not use, but holds a lot of laundry).

There is a small box on the treadmill.

My vexation is complete. You know what is in the box, don’t you? After I have searched the house, threatened it on the blog, trashed the contents of every closet, screwed up every possible hiding place in my whole house….I have been sleeping for days no more than a metre from a small box that has the Zephyr in it.

I was so angry I went downstairs without opening the box.

It was two hours before I could forgive it.


(PS. I’ll be signing books this Sunday from 11-12 at BEC. The show isn’t open to the general public, but is attended by booksellers, librarians…anyone at all to do with books. If you know anybody…send them by. I’ll be at the Thomas Allen & Son booth. [Thomas Allen is the Canadian Distributor of Storey Publishing. They handle all Canadian stuff to do with the book.]

Free signed books. What more could you want? Well, except gallons of pediatric antibiotics. Yum.)

168 thoughts on “That’s going to leave a mark

  1. Oh my, I can’t believe I am even laughing at your bad luck. Seriously, I am so sorry…but the yarn makes it all better. I know the pain of a UTI…I took myself to the ER for the one and only one I have had.
    P.S. rumors you are going to Needles and Pins in London, Ontario…I’ll be there!

  2. I’m so sorry that you had a completely shitty day, but God, it’s funny how you tell a story. I’m still laughing as I type this, and let me assure you that I feel slightly guilty about it. Pain and misery are not funny, but well, I can totally understand when you tell how it happened. Look at it this way. The transportation gods felt so very bad that they didn’t get the memo from the health gods and continued to give you a ration of shit, that they put the Zephyr where you would immediately find it – as a way to make amends. Blanket and shawl look wonderful.

  3. Oh, OUCH. The whole day, the whole thing. I hope the sting of finding the Zephyr mere inches from your bed is eased by the beautiful lace it is becoming. I think that’s the Zephyr’s way of saying it forgives you.

  4. I’m so sorry that you had a completely shitty day, but God, it’s funny how you tell a story. I’m still laughing as I type this, and let me assure you that I feel slightly guilty about it. Pain and misery are not funny, but well, I can totally understand when you tell how it happened. Look at it this way. The transportation gods felt so very bad that they didn’t get the memo from the health gods and continued to give you a ration of shit, that they put the Zephyr where you would immediately find it – as a way to make amends. Blanket and shawl look wonderful.

  5. Argh…UTIs are painful. I hope the pediatric antibiotics work quickly enough to give you some relieve. There are some over-the-counter meds that block the pain of you-know-what during a UTI…I keep a little box at home just in case. I think they’re called Azo-tabs…at least in the states. They really do help until the meds kick in.
    Feel better soon. I’ll be thinking of you and the newly found yarn.

  6. Oh baby, I am sorry. Congratulations on not killing your nearest and dearest just to let out steam. That’s all that counts some days.

  7. I must be a horrible, horrible person to have been giggling away while reading about your misery and misfortune. Surely bad things await me in the future…
    … but in the meantime, your baby blanket is looking lovely! Could you share the pattern? Women all around me seem to be popping up pregnant these days. And I do admire your ability to forgive the Zephyr so quickly and start turning it into something lovely. Considering I learned on the subway this morning just how much faster I knit when seriously pissed with my spouse, I doubt I could have been so magnanimous with the sneakily errant yarn.

  8. Sorry to hear about the troubles, no one likes to be the bug on the windshield, hope you have a far better weekend!

  9. I think Mr. Washie did have something to do with the Zephyr’s disappearance. It was hidden under laundry, wasn’t it?
    I hope you feel better soon.

  10. There is balance in the universe, it’s true. Cassie and co. were swanning around New York hitting all the really good yarn shops, and you were lying on the ground with a bludgeoned leg and a UTI and pediatric antibiotics.
    But the new shawl is so pretty… is it another Harlot original design, or are you following a published pattern?

  11. Poor Harlot. That sounds really really painful. So, how does the mark it left look? Or can you handle looking at it? You really had to know that the yarn was right under your nose the whole’d already checked everywhere it could have hidden. Out in the open was the only place left. It looks beautiful 🙂

  12. I’m only laughing because I’ve had days just like that – like when I got a horrendous UTI on my second day of vacation in Hawaii (with my husband, who had been gone on a military training exercise for 6 months), and, having military insurance, had to be on the phone for several hours to find someone to treat me, then getting lost on the way to said Dr, having to find and get my prescription filled somewhere that, again, accepts military insurance, and loosing an entire day of said vacation to the mess. At least there was no smashed left thigh though.
    I hate UTI’s with every last subatomic particle in my body (and I’ve ignored them before to such a degree that I landed in the hospital for 3 days with a kidney infection and resulting 106 degree F fever – that’s 41C – that caused me to miscarry, so please don’t ignore one again!).
    But don’t be angry at the yarn. It was just waiting for you to REALLY REALLY need it before allowing itself to be discovered. : )
    I sincerely hope that you begin to feel better soon – that belly full of liquid antibiotics better get to work immediately, if not sooner!

  13. hmmm….just thought that the Zephyr may have been hiding on purpose, in which case it deserved the blog thrashing, and is apologizing for the vexation it caused by becoming beautiful lace. Either way, both the shawl and the baby blanket are beautiful.
    I hope your leg feels better soon.

  14. Well, Mom, I mean Stephanie, one high schooler at home is better than 27 almost high-schoolers on the blacktop at noon when it’s 100 fricking degrees(F, but it felt like C to me). I had to break up a fistfight over a g-damn frisbee. I’m not sure what it means when I said to the two 15yo boys “A frisbee? You’re fighting over a frisbee? It’s not like merino or cashmere, that’s like fighting over Wal-Mart acrylic!” They were not impressed by my fiber knowledge. But some unknown commenter did mention “that old lady is fast” due to the speed and fury with which I broke up the fight.
    My Zephyr is sitting at Rosie’s Yarn Cellar waitng for the Lotus Blossom Shawl pattern to catch up to it. Yeah, I’m a blog lemming, ditching my latest WIP, to follow the harlot crowd.

  15. Okay, so my bad Thursday pales in comparison to yours. I hope the leg heals, the gallons of ick do their job, and you are able to have a relaxing weekend, book signing notwithstanding.

  16. To us Americans who do not have public transportation available, do you not have a car for your use?

  17. (warning: I’ve finally admitted to learning more about myself through comments I leave then I do writing things out for me; this might be another one of *those* comments….)
    I’m technically done with school, and should not be thinking about anything medical because that part of my brain turned to mush (and I think part oozed out my ears during the hot spell a few weeks ago) but while reading the first part of this I found myself chanting which bugs were probably causing the UTI. Then I found myself recalling which abx would be the best, and almost looked up what the dosages would be in peds meds.
    Thank goodness the rest of your story was able to distract me – I actually gasped in horror with you description, and am so, so, so sorry that it happened. I can’t imagine that bruise, and though I’ve been caught in those damn things before, it was never the full-on-leg-stuck caught. (rather just a chunk of the back of a leg…) Will the ever-changing colors of your leg give way to a new colorway?
    Congrats on finding the yarn; I tore everything apart looking for sock yarn last night and stopped to analyze why I was so mad when I found it in the back of my stash. At least you have a good reason to be mad at the yarn!

  18. Oh my goodness. Now I *fully* understand yesterday’s post. It was so unusual for you–yet comforting somehow. SO GLAD for you that you’re doing better today.

  19. Oh my God. What a horrible day! I can’t get my head around what a horrible day you had! “Don’t call me that” is hysterical, but I think the most beautiful part of your story is that you took a picture of the turnstile. Something about that is just…perfect. I’m a small woman, but looking at that picture, I don’t think I could have fit through there. You should sue and go buy more yarn. ;D

  20. I’m so sorry! I bet that Zephyr had a smug little smile on too. Knit the heck out of it. It will probably make you feel much better:)

  21. oh. ow.
    i’ve had days like that. i can empathize.
    think of it this way: you were just karmically pre-paying for a really, really good day somewhere down the line. 🙂

  22. Sending a BIG hug. Sorry, I had to laugh when reading, but I am sure it is only at the truly unique way you tell a story rather than at your misfortune and also an absolute understanding of what it is like to have that kind of a day. I did clap my hand over my mouth in horror that I could actually find your frustrations so funny.
    I hope today is filled with sweetness and light and that Zephyr brings peace and contentment once again.

  23. Try some Arnica gel on that leg. It worked wonders on my daughter’s face after she fell on it from 5 feet.

  24. I get chronic UTI’s so I can relate (sort of). They usually give me medicine that makes my pee turn pink. I never heard of pediatric UTI medication- I didn’t think kids could get UTI’s. I’m so happy that you found your yarn. It looks beautiful already. Hope your leg feels better. Yarn always helps that sort of thing doesn’t it?

  25. That on fire thing? McPhees and McDermotts both. Maybe it’s a Mc thing. Sympathy from my mother would have required amputation or dislocation. Possibly not even then.
    Thank you for sharing your pain. Hope it’s not horrendously disrespectful that it made me laugh until I felt pain too.

  26. oh stephanie….i’m so sorry… we had a crappy day yesterday too and the only bright thing was reading your blog… today’s however, made feel so bad for you i wanted to cry, please be good to you and find something nice to wash down that nasty stuff..i’d send you some mint tea but we are separated by a gazillion miles…. my daughters and i are all veterans of the dreaded uti…and we send our best…

  27. I’m with the poster above – HibsicuitsGirl. I’m trying to picture you suffering from a UTI, curled up in pain on the floor of the transit station, taking out your camera to take a photo of the turnstile. Only a seasoned blogger could possibly realize that it was the perfect opportunity for a post.
    I’m shaking my head.

  28. Well crap. How the hell can I have a pity party for myself when your day was just as bad, or worse? And to top it off the yarn showed up. Did you by any chance find my stitch markers with them? If I have to do laundry to find stitch markers, they can stay lost. Harrumph.
    Hope you have a better day today. Hugs!

  29. Well, clearly yesterday’s blog threat worked. At least you’ve got that going for you.
    My utmost sympathy on the UTI. I’m glad to hear you got some drugs, though (even if it is 46 gallons of drugs). I hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  30. I laughed until tears were streaming! My goodness you paint a great picture. I’m sorry to hear of your misfortune in the TTC turnstile, but if there’s something positive to be taken —the Zephyr was probably just waiting for the perfect time to make its presence known. When you were in pain and needed comfort. A yarn truly deserving of your love and respect.
    Hope the meds go to work quickly.

  31. So sorry to hear about your day. That’s seriously sucky. The fates will have to give you some good days to make up for this.
    I think my Dad must be a McPhee. When I was four, I broke my leg downhill skiing and Dad said “stop crying honey, you’re fine. Let’s ski it off”. More recently, he severed a finger in his workshop. He calmly told my mother he needed some stitches and then casually tossed the mangled tip into the woodstove on his way out the door.

  32. oh honey, I am sorry. Leave it to the Harlot to share her worst of all days for our entertainment. Here’s hoping for a glorious weekend.

  33. OHMIGOD – you too?? I woke up yesterday with a UTI as well (see blog post today). I high-tailed it to the doctor though, thinking if I didn’t go then I could face a Very Painful Weekend and dammit, I have a party to throw. They didn’t give me gallons of pediatric antibiotics, though, they gave me amoxicyln (sp) – which is currently giving me the runs and may well also give me a yeast infection therefore I am concurrently taking acidopholous (sp!). There is just NOTHING cool about this situation.
    But I’ll remember to avoid public transportation so as to not make it that much worse. You poor darling.

  34. Poor Harlot. I hate UTI’s and I get them often. Go see if they have something called Prodium in your drugstores. It makes you numb (there) and then you can deal with going to the doctor and getting antibiotics. If you have them repetitively, you can get one called Macrobid. Prevention is the key. Stay hydrated, take cranberry pills and look for juice that’s 100% cranberry!

  35. Oh my – UTI’s are a bitch. I can relate. I suffered chronic UTI’s (that landed me in the hospital for the first time at the age of two!) caused by a malformed urethra. I had them on a regular basis until I had my first child and poof! I haven’t had one since but the memory of the pain is still *quite* clear. To make matters worse antibiotics usually leave me with other *discomforts down there* that leave me thinking of the UTI pain with nostalgia requiring a second med to relieve that! I am wishing you sweet relief very soon! At least having the zephyr might help the pain. Pssst – warm baths help but no bubbles and don’t stop with the cranberry juice (be sure there’s no added sugar – concentrate is best).

  36. Oh, I am so sorry. And I thought the definition of eternity was a bottle of amoxicillin (the yucky pink liquid, I would bet) and a small baby or child. But having to take that stuff as an adult – I shudder at the thought. UTI’s are the pits and can be compounded by having one on Christmas eve and not an open pharmacy to be found. It’s really hard to enjoy turkey or stuffing or anything at that point.

  37. Ohhhhh honey!!! UTI’s- I’ve had the bloody things (don’t know if I intended the pun or not)- painful, icky things. I’m sending you tons of healing & feel better thoughts. You had one of those “add insult to injury to insult and back to injury” days yesterday. The look on Miss Amanda’s face must have been priceless. Knit lots!

  38. Oh man. Poor you. And pediatric antibiotics? It’s enough to make anyone feel a bit pediatric.
    Maybe the yarn was waiting for a moment when you really NEEDED it to come back to you. Yeah, I didn’t think you’d buy that one.
    Feel better…

  39. Please don’t tell me the moral of this story is is to do the laundry before knitting…. Next time just ask St. Anthony to help find your lost stuff it works for me everytime and I’m not Catholic or even Christian for that matter. LOL!
    Feel better soon!

  40. Finding the Zephyr was your reward for being a martyr to your pain. Or that it’s always in the last place you look 😉 Hope you feel better soon – can you mix the “fruit punch” with something to make it taste better? Say. . . vodka?

  41. Ouchybunga!!!!!!! Hope ice and sleep and pain meds can heal the affliction physically and then zephyr can heal the rest (zephyr has to heal you after all the pain it put you through!) And, I think I said something about checking the laundry for zephyr yesterday?!?

  42. gosh. The “do not call me mom” comment had me realing on the floor. bwhahaha. Some days I think poor Sue and Joe would agree about our passions.
    Now for some advice from a woman who has 1.5 kidneys and serious surgeries to the bladder/kidney area… be glad you can feel your infection. fight it with some new amazing over the counter drugs and cran before it gets too far along, but generally call the doc after the 1st day of real pain. Sadly, my pain tolerance is too high for me to effectively know anymore.. so I just wing it and call when I think everything else is wrong adn realize “duh” it must be another UTI.
    still giggling.

  43. and one more thing… hey it’s menopause I have no short term memory anymore…
    Thanks for the Zephyr yarn link. I just put in an order for 3 skeins of Ladyslipper. Who could resist!?

  44. I can’t help but wonder if the fruit punch flavored antibiotics in Canada are better or worse in taste than the bubblegum flavored stuff here in the US. Is yours a strange hot pink color that stains everything, too?

  45. Oceans of suck indeed. Hoovertastic, one could even say. Lay your day against the carpet, et voila, no more pet hair.
    Hope you feel better.

  46. Poor Harlot! I’m so sorry . . . what a day! One might think you had made all that up just for the sake of one heck of a story, but we all know that you just can’t make that kind of thing up. Feel better. Try not to float away on a sea of “fruit punch” meds. (I’m glad you found the Zephyr. Perhaps this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.)

  47. That’s a horrible, no good, very bad day.
    But you have lace to soothe you now. And antibiotics. It’ll be all right. Feel better soon!

  48. Oh, Stephanie, I feel for you. I’m also right there with you on the ‘natural alternatives first’ and letting your immune system have a go at what ails ya. After all, if you never give the old immune system a chance to rise to the challenge how’s it ever going to get stronger. Are eating yogurt to counteract the lovely side-effects of antibiotics? Wouldn’t want you to recover from a UTI only to have that other favorite female affliction hit you. 🙂
    BTW I think Zephyr was playing hide-and-seek and realized it wasn’t funny anymore only it didn’t know how to end the game gracefully. How else do you explain it’s brilliant hiding place? I can hear it now, “Dirty laundry! She’ll never find me here!”
    Feel better.

  49. ooooooooooo, and I thought I was having a craptastic day – you’ve got me beat!
    I’m also a UTI veteran, having had my kidneys and bladder rearranged and rebuilt as a child – UTIs should be banned for all eternity. But as far as pain goes, I can only imagine the utter agony of shoving one’s thigh through 2 inches of turnsile – oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!
    On top of that – ped meds, the scourge of parents everywhere – fruit punch??? I don’t think so… Maybe some wine will mask the taste.
    If it’s any consolation, the Zephyr looks lovely…

  50. It’s not fair, I tell you! It’s simply not fair of you to be so funny that we are compelled to laugh until we’re all about to pee our pants over your misfortune. I was about to tell you that you must, absolutely MUST just go buy some more Zephyr when the recalcitrant Zephyr was found. Maybe if you’d put its picture on the back of your milk carton with a reward offered, one of your kids would have been incentivized to find it first… 🙂 (Do they do that with missing children in Canada? Put them on the milk? Well, for that matter, they don’t even really do that here in the US any more.)

  51. I hope there are no drug interaction warnings preventing you from having screech while taking those peds meds. Cause I’m thinking screech might be very much needed right now.
    And, I gotta tell ya, Harlot, no matter the topic, you have a storytelling gift that is just AMAZING. Thank you for sharing it…

  52. Well, this puts my laryngitis and calling the phone company to report a lack of dialtone when it was my own damn fault (ever wonder what happens when you plug a phone cable into the ethernet jack on your computer? wonder no more) into perspective. Am I a bad person for laughing?

  53. Ah, yes. “That’s NOT fruity tasting AT ALL…,” says the six year old.
    My sympathies on all of the pain, legwise and otherwise (oh, and to prevent a nasty cycle of dueling infections, someone mentioned acidophilus, which is a great help, but I inevitably land at the pharmacy again for the big-gun yeast infection medication). I had chronic UTIs for a year in England. I blame the ex-boyfriend making off with the five sweaters I made him, without so much as a thanks…The stress alone…
    And I publicly apologise to the fish. Although I would still check those underbed boxes in his castle, because you just never know what you will find in there…

  54. So what have you be knitting with that Zephyr? It looks a bit like it might be the beginning of a Peacock Feathers shawl…
    I need to go out and get me some stash of nice fine yarn…

  55. I had a mild UTI that I was treating with cranberry juice. I thought it had gone away, then a month later I had kidney pain. Yup the bacteria just migrated – and I got powerful Antibiotics, that was alomost 8 years ago and I haven’t had one since.
    But as for the meds, my nephew (2 yo) had diarrhea last week and my sister in law gave him some Pedilyte since she was concerned about diarrhea, He took one sip “This is gross” – first time he ever said that about food. His mom tried it and told him he was correct. What do they think kids like? They have better flavouring compounds.
    Hope you feel better soon, – can’t wait to see more of Zephyr

  56. Dear Harlot,
    Here’s hoping that you are feeling better before you get this comment. If not, let me tell you what REALLY helps with the pain. Morphine. Old fashioned, never-fail opium. How ’bout some crack? NO, really, I feel for you, in the worst way. There is nothing like the climb-the-walls, grit-your-teeth, pound-the-floor with your fist pain of a UTI. Nothing except having that pain constantly. Yep. Interstitial cystitis, all of the pain of a standard UTI, with none of the hope of recovery. Really, I do have some ideas that may “ease your pain” if you would like to know them, and they do not involve breaking any drug laws or the need for a methadone clinic at the end. Just some common sense things learned over the years. Things you have to keep actually written down on a list in the medicine cabinet because YOU CAN’T THINK WHEN YOU ARE IN THAT MUCH PAIN!!!!!!!
    Know that your knitting sisters are feeling it with you, if only in spirit.

  57. Try a little Screech – that will make everything all better. Be on the lookout for a — sorry to say it — yeast infection. Screech will make that better too. Come to think of it, it will make your thigh better, your mood will get better . . .

  58. You poor thing. Hilarious recap of what sounds like a terrible day. I do that pissed-off “I might as well just DO this LAUNDRY” fling myself.
    Can you combine those liquid antibiotics with some crushed ice and strong drink?

  59. I hate to admit it, but I just laughed myself into breathlessness and tears at your description of your day that left a mark and the McPhee pride thing. Please consider it a comment on your wonderful writing ability and style to be able to turn such a truly painful, miserable day into a story that made me laugh. And someone else’s comment on it being a “Mc” trait – I can relate as a born and bred McCue, we’re the same damn way! Now, please use ice (20 minutes every hour) and some anti-inflammatory (ibuprophen or aspirin or the like) and watch that leg; you don’t want the bruise to turn into a hematoma or require you to spend further time at the doctor’s, and get cracking on knitting that nasty Zephyr into some lacy loveliness.

  60. SEE I told you to do the laundry, and you’d find the yarn.
    hugs for the leg, hope you’re knocking back the homeopathic arnica!

  61. PS I adore that blanket, please tell what the pattern is, I like mindless knitting, it fits in with young kids.

  62. Did you know that Melanoma Melanie also has a UTI. Does that make you feel any better? I didn’t think so. For the record – I would have waited too. Medicines only lead to worse things – like Yeast Infections. Which I have been battling for WEEKS now. Oh the joys of womanhood. Oh the joys of telling it all to the internet. When and if I ever get to meet you in person I will gift you with the story of my first UTI experience. Oh, it’s a goodie.
    Feel better.

  63. I had a UTI for several days in March before I got treated – in L.A. visiting D’s parents. A tad embarrassing. But I can’t do the cranberry juice because I have kidney stones and it is too high in oxalic acid. Things can always be worse.

  64. Shaped Triangle from A Gathering of Lace right? I recognize that pattern as it’s on my needles right now, but in Koigu (doing a short version on 4 mm).
    So very sorry about your extremely painful day. Or, as the young would say, “Dude, that sucks!” I think the buck-up, it’s only a flesh wound attitude is a Scottish thing (spoken as a McClure descendent).

  65. New fan here in Oakland, CA.! Found you through Yarn in Alameda, who is having you for book signing waaaaay in the future.
    Thank God you found that darn lost skein, something like me losing my needle under the couch and thinking I had dropped it in my scampering outside, drove me crazy for days.
    For UTI maintance I recommend CRANACTIN from the health food store, I took it even when I was better to keep the bacteria count low, low .S~

  66. Oh gosh, what an absolutely suck day. I’m so sorry. Glad you finally found your yarn. your lace looks lovely.
    As a native New Yorker and a survivor of many a run-in with an ill-behaved turnstile, I have gotten into the habit of always shoving it with my hands. i once bruised my hip so badly on a turnstile it looked as though I had been beaten. Ow ow ow. And as to UTIs, they’re just dreadful. I hope your pediatric meds kick in soon. Are you taking acidopholus with your antibiotics?
    I hope you feel better soon!

  67. Oh, you poor dear thing. UTIs are like that; I had one that required hospitialization and it subsequently attracted a day at least as bad as the one you had. Drink yourself a nice Candian beer and knit on that Zephyr until it aplogizes for vexing you so.

  68. All’s I can say is the McPhees MUST be close cousins to the Moseleys. Unless I’m having an out-of-body experience, what you described could have been me! I just spent the week trying to pack and get ready for vacation in extreme discomfort due to tripping and falling, all the way to the ground, on a flat, non-bumpy piece of carpet. And yes, it left marks!
    I have once again confirmed that I am a horrible person, cause I spent every minute reading (or attempting to read) your post whilst laughing hysterically. You are too much.
    BYW, if you find that you can’t forgive the Zephyr for it’s bad behavior, can I have it? 😉

  69. Poor dear, I do empathize – I once had a similar run in with an upper body part and a revolving door. Feel better soon.

  70. Oh, that Zephyr had it coming, too! I’m so sorry about your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day . . . that turnstile was definitely not playing fair! (And I’m chuckling at the comment about lying sprawled in pain on the subway station floor and turning to take a blog-worthy picture of the evil turnstile . . . only bloggers would think of such a thing!) I hope the pink goo antibiotic works its icky wonders and that you don’t have to go back for pediatric painkillers. Feel better! But thanks for somehow morphing your pain into an amusing anecdote for the rest of us–you just keep giving and giving . . . I just hope you’re feeling better before the book-signing. (“Don’t tell me ‘congratulations’.”)
    And, oh yes–the humid, crazy hair you mentioned? Go visit for tips on how to deal with that–they’ve done wonders for my hair! (Really, no affiliation.)

  71. Oh, ow. Having gotten limbs caught in a turnstile before, I feel your pain.
    Hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive the Zephyr, and let the healing begin. On all fronts.

  72. OMG I am laughing so hard at your story. You are hilarious even in your humid hair, gallon of antibiotics, bruised thigh state. Isn’t it nice the way Zephyr hid from you until you needed cheering? Thoughtful Zephyr. Glad to see your treadmill gets used as often as mine. Feel better quickly!

  73. My god, woman! White-hot pain and anguish crystallize your wit into a brilliantly flashing thing. I’m definitely a “humor to get through the bad stuff” person. Oh, and a “no, really, I’m fine, I’ll just limp” gal, too.
    I fell down the stairs of my apartment building last year on my way out the door to a final exam. I had scraped skin off of both legs in several places (through my jeans!), my left knee was starting to swell up, and I was bleeding into my socks. After lying in shock for a few minutes and thinking about crying, I got up and walked/limped (1.5 miles) to school and took the test.
    As for the Zephyr… well, it chose just the right time to come out of hiding. Any later, and you might not have forgiven it.

  74. As I read this absolutly hilarious post – I too am suffering from a festering UTI. As I go do the food shopping for the week motorhome trip that my dear family and I are taking tomorrow morning I will be certain to pick up the cranberry juice along with some yeast infection medicine to counteract the infection certain to come from the antibiotics. Goodness….it is great to be a woman.
    My sympathies go out to you and I look forward to seeing the results of the attack of the killer turnstile as well as the discovery of the missing yarm.

  75. Ooh, I’m crying reading that post. But I’m a bad person and crying from laughter. Kind of like watching someone make a spectacular fall that really hurts. And while I’m asking if they’re ok, I’m doing it through tears of laughter and barely able to stand up myself.

  76. What a totally shitty day you had.
    You know what to do to feel better, of course. Buy something. Preferably expensive, and rhymes with “bashmere”.

  77. this is comment ~90, in 4 hours… probably not a record, but surely close to it… you poor, poor thing. I hate UTIs, only loathing the (male) doctor more who lectures me on the proper way to wipe and hygiene after sex… dolt. And then the thigh, sounding so, so much like the recently smashed thumb (not that I see a pattern here, just saying…). Zephry will of course be beautiful, but seems like the bad karma may be difficult to forgive and forget. Hopefully you can have a little adult drink with you kiddie meds?

  78. I’ll tell you what the Urologist told my DH when he had his procedure. Keep an ice cold beer between your legs! DO NOT Drink this beer. As it gets warm, replace with a new ICE COLD beer. Repeat as needed until no longer sore – then you may start drinking the beer.

  79. My last bad UTI scared the heck out of me, so I completely, completely feel for you. Usually, it’s all I can do to be away from a bathroom for 15 minutes while I wait for my non-pediatric antibiotics.
    A day that terrible shouldn’t happen to you. Get well soon. :o)

  80. See February 15.
    So where’s the jpeg of your thigh? (We’re willing to pass — oh, sorry, poor choice of words — on a jpg of the UTI.)
    Since we’re sharing (a friend once said “People who use ‘Let me share something with you’ usually don’t want more than half’,) I made it into my 50s without a UTI and when it finally really hit its stride I thought I might be prolapsing my uterus (too many James Harriot stories with his arm up a cow’s backside.) Felt like I was smuggling emeralds in a round oriface inside a square box. MY comfy-drug, though, turned urine hunter-day-glow-orange, not ladylike pink, and they warned me not to wear my contacts since it could stain them, too. Worse, a friend who was prescribed it wasn’t warned. WOH!

  81. To quote a dear friend of mine, “F*cking *MEOW*!” Perhaps, as the pain fades, you can console yourself by finding a handpaint yarn which will match the soon to be blooming colors of your thigh (assess prior to the sickly yellow/green phase), and knit something nice to assuage the pain????
    My hubby always tells me to stop looking for things when I can’t find them because, “it’ll turn up”. Usually 30 seconds after I stop looking….
    If it weren’t for the antibiotics, I’d prescribe a nice glass of wine/beer/hard liquor.
    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

  82. What … no pictures of said mark??
    Hope you don’t gag too much on those antibiotics and I hope the zephyr has learned its lesson. Hrrumph.

  83. Ooh. UTI. I too am not a pill taker, however, you do not need the four or so bottles that they give you. They do make a liquid Cipro which will wipe it out in three days. That’s one bottle. Ask your physician for it next time. Oh, and don’t you just love how you have to convince them to prescribe something before the culture comes back. As if you’d be making this up.

  84. I took so much of that pink stuff over the years that I actually started to like it…

  85. Oh, hugs! And many thanks for letting the rest of us have such a great laugh. We all laughed with great sympathy, I swear! Even the bunnies.

  86. Oh, crappy day!
    Does it make you feel better to know that with a UTI you can have a build up of ketones in your bloodstream, ketones that make you very irritable? That’s what my doc says, anyway, and DH believes it, so that what counts, LOL. (Tell zephyr – you’ll both feel better.)
    Good news – I know something that is said to help the awfulness of UTI pain.
    Bad news – it involves a serious lack of coffee and alcohol. (I know, the very two things that might enable one to get through it. Speaking of enabling, how about something in cranberry…cashmere?)

  87. Oh dear, Stephanie. I am a veteran of multiple UTIs and, believe me, I understand the pain. I actually found that a teaspoon of baking soda dissolved into a glass of water, guzzled quickly (mostly because of the taste!!) was a good way to head off an impending UTI. Followed by gallons upon gallons of cranberry juice and water. Some folks even swear that having a beer helps wash those nasty bacteria out.
    Love the teen-ager comment. Have just sent my step-daughter back to her lair in T.O. I certainly understand the pain of having teens underfoot for the summer. Thankfully, mine will be visiting her father for 4 of the 8 weeks. (Very big grin here!)
    So glad you found the Zephyr. As I suspected, it was Joe’s gansey that caused the uproar. It can’t stand falling further and further down the list of projects and took its revenge on the Zephyr. It really wasn’t the Zephyr’s fault.
    Hope tomorrow improves.

  88. I join the ranks of those whose karma is taking a hit today due to laughing hysterically at the accounts of your pain. I’m at work, in a shared office, trying desperately to stifle my giggling, when someone asked if I was OK and why were there tears running down my face? I had to ‘fess up. “Don’t call me that,” indeed.
    I’m another woman who tries to get through life hiding the fact I am made of flesh. I once caught mono and worked ten hour days right through it. Landed my bad self in the hospital, of course.
    I agree: a photo of said bruise, accompanied by a (ahem) newly-purchased hank of luxury yarn in matching colors, might be interesting. Just sayin’.

  89. steph… and for the next week or two is the time that all those breathing exercises should come in very handely…
    as for screech or any thing else alcholic DON’T DO IT !!!!!at least not until you have finished your antibiotic…sadly the alcohol will cause the med. not to work and you will have to go back and get more of the nasty stuff… try lots of chocolate and coffee instead… as for the bruise…do you have access to tiger balm???
    or any sport cream type stuff???
    tiger balm red is best tho…very gently massage…rubbing circular motions from the center of the boo boo out past the edges of said boo boo several times a day…this will hurt VERY VERY much….but it draws the blood flow to the skin surface and helps get rid of the bruise faster…which will also help it heal and help the pain go away faster…be careful not to get it into any open wound or on any mucus membrane… this is also very painful and should be avoided at all costs…
    to end ….this could have all been karmic payback for the zephyr bashing…but i don’t think the knitting goddesses would ever do anything that retched to you…
    sending you warm and healing thoughts.

  90. I’m trying to decide what it says about me that I find humor in your tragedy. Maybe it’s the been there done that sort of humor. At least, for a second, you must have forgotten the uti. That’s something isn’t it?
    In solidarity, maybe I will pull out my Zephyr tonight.

  91. Oh dear! What a crappy day.
    It could’ve been worse – the pediatric antibs could’ve been cherry or that awful fake banana flavour!
    The turnstile incident is reminiscent of me completely crapping up one ankle by sliding down some stairs at uni, with my butt and one elbow bump-bump-bumping down down the stairs crossed with a friend’s fall (I limped away pretending nothing was wrong but she lay on the ground screaming the F word over and over – yeah, that is the one. Firetruck)
    HOpe you leg is better, or at least not permanently damaged,t hough I’d be telling the tranit authority about it!
    (Did you take the picture at the time or is this off their website?) (And if you go the tiger balm DO NOT RUB YOUR EYE after applying it…. you can guess why I hope without needing to test it.)

  92. You poor thing. You have a wonderful talent for giving the rest of us a good laugh over your misfortunes. I know, that just makes you feel so much better, doesn’t it?
    Feel better soon!

  93. I’m so sorry to hear of your late bad karma it does seem that bad things happen to people in multiples like a little demon strapped to your back or something. Hopefully everything will be better soon, including sore purple leg. Sending best wishes and blessings your way. Plus a cyber *hug* as everyone needs one after such a bad day.

  94. Sorry for you pain. Knitting Karma — is something I guess I need to watch out for as I am a new knitter. Enjoy the BEC – I am bookseller myself – book people are great.

  95. Ooowwwch!
    Not that you needed ‘Captain Obvious’ to point out that your pain would indeed leave a mark.
    But, our dear Harlot, always remember, that you could repeat that day for eons. THAT would be far worse!
    Glad to see you found your ‘treasure’ but be kind, as only our yarn Harlot can be. I know it did a bad thing, hiding from your grace, but as we know all ‘children’ do things that they themselves find hilarious, while the parent grinds teeth in frustration.
    My son, (NevaR) likes to sneak up on me first thing in the morning, whether I’m washing my hair, preparing his lunch, or breakfast, and yell BOO! ! at the top of his lungs. Someday he may accidentally wear whatever happens to be in my hands.
    Be well, YH, and soon your internal and external ailments will be no more.

  96. Oh, Harlot, you found the yarn – that’s terrific!
    The powers of the universe work in mysterious ways.
    Of course, if you’d done the laundry a bit earlier…
    hee hee hee

  97. I do hope you feel better soon Stephanie, I guess your yarn was just waiting for you to notice it, just waiting for the right moment to make you feel better, and what better time to happen to find it sitting there after your accident.
    ~hugs and love~

  98. I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry your day sucked so bad, but it makes for a great story. I was laughing so hard my husband came to see why and when I read him the “Stehaphanie?” part he also laughed out loud. Hopefully this will not bring us bad karma… and we really are sorry for your misfortune… but man you tell a great story!

  99. Other than the medical risk, I advise you to spike the pseudo-fruit punch. And march the daughter over to the yarn store for a part time summer job- she should make sacrifices for the good of the family and sanity of her mother. You can use the argument of “at least we’re not sending you off to an asian country to live with your relatives” (that worked for me).

  100. I am glad you and all your parts survived such a dilemma. If I re-enacted the whole series of events, do you think I could find a box of hidden yarny goodness?
    Well a girl can dream can’t she?

  101. Oh no! Well, at least the pain of the turnstile trying to grind your leg into sausage might have distracted you from the UTI/nether regions afire sensation for a moment? (And I’m all with you for giving the old immune system a go at things before throwing antibiotics at them – they say you’re supposed to do that for ear infections, so why not t’other?) I had to take pediatric liquid antibiotics as an adult person once – I see you have kindly omitted to mention the horrific and unexpungable aftertaste that occurs and causes one to seriously consider applying steel wool and scouring powder to one’s tongue… the more bleach the better.

  102. OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UTI’s – chronic my whole life – nothing worse! you have my complete sympathy. Turnstiles? never happened to me, but I will definately take your word for it. BAD BAD YARN! I pray you feel better soon!

  103. …….I’m ….. er….. happy you are …. uh …. feeling … better …. Mrs. McPhee!
    ha ha ha ha ha ha …………. sorry!

  104. Oh… ugh.
    Try icing down the leg. It gives perspective about pain, but it also reduces bruising, etc.
    I recall getting my shorts stuck in a turnstile in a busy city. But your day really s*cked. (What is it about today? I’m having a stinky day too.)

  105. Oh, dear, dear Steph, how is it possible that you manage to make us laugh at the same time as feeling your pain at the beautiful recollection of your misadventure??? I cannot offer anything that will make you feel better, only to say thank you for sharing, your story makes me feel better – I had a series of events similar once upon a time, and I felt like these things only happened to me, lol (only my incident involved a dog, a fence, a knee bending the wrong way and some yukky viral illness…no turnstiles were harmed in my story!!).
    And you know, we’re gonna wanna see pics of the thigh’s new colour profile……
    Sending you lots of hugs and healing vibes from across the miles.

  106. Those UTIs are a bitch! Hope you feel better soon! And I second the pics of the thigh.

  107. Oh goodness, that is an insult to both pride and your body for all that to happen. And in a moment of naive confusion, I must ask why *pediatric* antibiotics? I’m sure you’ve reached an age where you’re qualified for adult antibiotics. Perhaps the doctor and pharmacy was befuddled by your youthful appearance and allowed you to carry a large tank of antibiotics home?
    And then to be viciously attacked by a turn-style…karma must have confused you with a wicked (but most attractive) murderer to be so harsh to you.
    My apologies and warmest get-well wishes.

  108. Can SO relate, Drinking cranberry juice by the gallon praying it will go away, not being able to find the one skein of yarn you want to knit in a whole house of wool and having teenagers underfoot all day and pretending to all who just saw you take a header through the turnstile that you’re fine. Tis but a scratch, ha ha, I’m sorry hope you feel better.

  109. The guy who made the comment sure was master of the obvious wasn’t he? Sorry to hear you had a bad day. But the other poster was right, you sure do make it entertaining for all of us to read about. 🙂 I was wondering what pattern you used for that blanket. It is beautiful.

  110. I would like to think that I was laughing in sympathy for your pain and suffering. I hope the bruise will fade soon. And as someone else had said, I’ve had days like that too.

  111. I am sorry for all the misery you had to go through, but I am laughing so hard about the audacity of your yarn, LOL, just right next to you, of course, in the last place you thought to look, LOL.
    BTW, you are an amazing writer–am enthralled with your blog.
    Feel better soon.

  112. If you can squeeze a gallon or two of the pediatric crud into the fridge, do it – it’s not nearly as nasty when it’s cold. My kids tell me it tastes like a bubblegum milkshake that way.
    That was US pediatric gunk though, the Canadian stuff may vary.

  113. UTI’s are the pits. Had them my whole life. (Genetic kidney problem).
    Bad luck with the turnstyle. I agree with other bloggers. Ice is the best thing to use. Brings out the bruising and reduces swelling.
    Glad you found the yarn. It’s the pits when you look everywhere and it’s right under your nose.

  114. My husband died awhile back. A friend, also a widow, claims she takes herself to dinner once a week. I’ve had difficulty doing that. Last night I did. Sometimes I looked out the restaurant window at the passers-by but most often I read At Knit’s End. I even smiled from time to time.
    So you can imagine my pain upon returning home to find out that the author who had helped me cope with the sight of an empty chair had been in pain herself. I was sorry to hear it even as I enjoyed reading about it.
    I have asked many many times why they can’t use knitting or quilting to teach math to 10th graders. I never received an answer from my late husband and 10th grade math teacher. (However, I have seen lesson plans that involve using quilting. Hah!)
    Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Your next book comes out in … September? I’ve always liked Storey Publishing, and now I like them even more.

  115. Well, let me first say that I’m glad you’ve retained your sense of humor! I would probably still be seething today.
    I completely agree with you on the medication (especially antibiotic) front. I always give my body a chance to beat any illness first, and consider the doctor a last resort. I’ve always been this way, but felt vindicated when I began working at an old folks’ home and noticed that the oldest and fittest of the residents had rarely (if ever) taken medication in their lives.
    And good on you for showing that Zephyr who’s boss!

  116. I had chronic UTI’s until I started taking Kyo-dophlis (brand name). you can get it at a health food store, or in the US at General Nutrition Centers. It is a combination of acidophlis, lactobacilis and other natural bacteria. It helps restore balance to your natural flora (bacteria) and once I started taking this I have been UTI free for the last 10 years. I highly recommend it.
    thanks Mary

  117. Gee, there was a LOT of HOSTILITY in that post.
    Hope your recovery is swift.

  118. Having never had a UTI, being of the XY variety, I have however done the following:
    a) Shot a ring shank nail through my forefinger while building a fence, ever pulled a ring shank nail out of your finger while 6 feet in the air, balancing precariously on a rickety ladder while your vison is blurred by copious amounts of tears as a ring shank has fish hook like barbs that love the flesh they are attached to?
    b) Run, walked as fast as a human can walk without running, in a hurricane-esque rainstorm, umbrella hiding all in front of you, directly into a parking meter which immediately cracks your solar plexis in two, knocks you down and for the next few years sends glaring jolts of white lightning through your body everytime you laugh, cough or breath deeply?
    c) Caugh your wee wee in a zipper?
    Amanda’s DH

  119. I LOVE the blanket. I’m going to get a new grand daughter in October and would love to knit this blanket for her. It’s been a tradition that I knit a blanket for each grand child and I don’t want to duplicate. It is a girl and I think this blanket would be lovely for a girl. Please let us know what the pattern is.
    I check out your Blog every morning. Love it! Love your book too. I cane to MD Sheep & Wool with it but couldn’t find you.

  120. Well my husband walked in to find me laughing at the end of your post, and read the part about throwing the laundry around and finally finding the missing yarn. I told him dude you have to read the rest of it. He said ‘nope, I get it I have a wife”
    The good thing about hurting your leg is that you have an excuse to sit and knit MORE!
    Oh and BTW.. the other day Mr. Rogers did a cable cast on and knit a row!!! I missed that part.. My daughter was like yeah Mom .. he knit like one row.. (she being the expert you know…heheh)

  121. Oh my freaking god, I must have some McPhee in the family tree. Or is it just Canadianness, the whole “oh, no, I’m OK”? Makes a good story, in any case.
    (Um… are you OK?)

  122. How much time does it take you to read 138 comments? I have some helpful nursey advice for you. drop me a line via email if you want it.
    Feel better. UTI’s make me panicky. ALl that bladder tickling and the fear of voiding….my sympathies to you.

  123. Oh Stephanie …I do hope you start feeling better soon…do you not swallow pills, is that why you got that liquid crap…stuff….?
    I call what you were having a “hissy fit”…
    glad it resulted in finding the lost Zephyr.

  124. Driving across the desert in Utah and Nevada with a UTI. And over the Sierra towards home. If I ever needed a graphic description of what hell might be like, now I know. Cranberries help because they keep the bacteria from adhering to the bladder walls.
    On the other hand, re that drive, there is nothing in the world like seeing three wild horses, their manes and tails flying in the wind, standing on a bluff next to the freeway, with the stallion’s nose to the wind on a rock above the mares like something out of an overblown western. I happened to put down my knitting and look up at just the right moment. Wow.

  125. I read your post with a “pouty” face – bottom lip out, forehead wrinkled.
    You had a truly sucky, freakin’ lousy day.
    I hope the rest of your weekend improves – along with the flavor of the antibiotics. Maybe it will grow on you?

  126. Thank God you found the Zephyr! You had such a stunningly bad day I was about to haul out my stash and send you mine FEDEX (except it is pink and I know that is not a favorite color of the Harlot. I hope you are feeling better by now and have gotten used to the taste of the pediatric antibodic stuff!

  127. Thank God you found the Zephyr! You had such a stunningly bad day I was about to haul out my stash and send you mine FEDEX (except it is pink and I know that is not a favorite color of the Harlot. I hope you are feeling better by now and have gotten used to the taste of the pediatric antibodic stuff!

  128. Feel better, sweetpea! UTI’s suck!
    p.s. I cannot believe that you took a picture of hte turnstile! haha!

  129. Dear Yarnharlot,
    I think I love you(like a kindred soul that is)!
    I learned about you while perusing the Raleigh newspaper. My son just moved to Cary and was telling me how much I would love it because everyone “does crafts”. While reading the newspaper to learn a little more about where he is now living (he is doing a internship for IBM), I discovered an article about you and went to your webpage. Although I do not knit (hence the name),I understand yarn. My husband says he refuses to move out to make room for more yarn. My children know that if we get separted at Walmart, they can find me in the yarn department, etc. I crochet in the car, at my son’s football and basketball games and everywhere I am sitting for more than a few minutes. I cannot watch tv without a ball of yarn and a needle. I think you understand….
    Sorry about the UTI. I hope you are better.
    However, I felt I must write to you.
    I am going to start knitting lessons in the fall with a friend that is trying to qualify to teach knitting and must teach so many hours on a volunteer basis.I have tried so many times to learn. I have crocheted for almost 30 years and can probably do it in my sleep, but knitting defies me.
    Keep on stitching !!
    a sister in wool(and acrylic, and sayelle, and thread……)
    Sylvia Alvarez

  130. Dear Yarnharlot,
    I think I love you(like a kindred soul that is)!
    I learned about you while perusing the Raleigh newspaper. My son just moved to Cary and was telling me how much I would love it because everyone “does crafts”. While reading the newspaper to learn a little more about where he is now living (he is doing a internship for IBM), I discovered an article about you and went to your webpage. Although I do not knit (hence the name),I understand yarn. My husband says he refuses to move out to make room for more yarn. My children know that if we get separted at Walmart, they can find me in the yarn department, etc. I crochet in the car, at my son’s football and basketball games and everywhere I am sitting for more than a few minutes. I cannot watch tv without a ball of yarn and a needle. I think you understand….
    Sorry about the UTI. I hope you are better.
    However, I felt I must write to you.
    I am going to start knitting lessons in the fall with a friend that is trying to qualify to teach knitting and must teach so many hours on a volunteer basis.I have tried so many times to learn. I have crocheted for almost 30 years and can probably do it in my sleep, but knitting defies me.
    Keep on stitching !!
    a sister in wool(and acrylic, and sayelle, and thread……)
    Sylvia Alvarez

  131. Hi Stephanie…so sorry you are not feeling well. What a story!!! Poor dear.
    I’m glad, at least, that you found your Zephyr. A bit of a bright spot!

  132. On no! I’m so sorry to hear about your crappy day and your mangled thigh. Only you could made a painful, frustrating situation so funny (and endearing). Congrats on finding the Zephyr (even if it was kinda taunting you). Have fun at the book signing!
    ~ Christina

  133. Steph, I’m still looking for a missing ball of yarn, been about 5 years now and i’ve completed the project and ordered two different yarns to complete the durn thing. And my ‘Socks, socks, socks’ book is till missing in action. Both missing items could be due to my ‘everloving’ whom has disappeared items of mine in the past!! Oh, as for things leaving marks–I was attacked by a afghan hook last week, it was hiding in my bag and stood up just as i was sitting down in our chair–nasty thing. I don’t know what i did to upset it. And a tip from my chiropractor–set a pillow on your lap while doing needle work–keeps the spine aligned better, eliminates hunching and back aches.

  134. Ok, I know its your misfortune, but you are such a completely hilarious story-teller that you left me in ‘stitches’ once again. Thanks Stephanie, your blog is a daily source of both knitting and writing inspiration.

  135. I’m so sorry about your UTI. Hopefully the kiddo meds work their magic for you! I love the baby blanket–may I ask where the pattern can be found? I’m working on a blanket for a friend, and I’m sort of wishing I had a different pattern. I like the openwork on yours.

  136. {{{Stephanie}}}
    Hi, Oriental medicine student here… and knitter!
    What a gawd-awful day! I worry about your thigh more than your UTI – there is one HUGE vein in the leg (femoral vein) – and I would worry about clots. Definitely wrap your leg for a few days, and go see an acupuncturist/herbalist. Tiger Balm is probably a good tip – but don’t be too vigorous with the massaging.
    As far as UTIs – Chinese herbs can do lots to help on that front, but probably not when combined w/antibiotics. Be sure to take yogurt with *live* bacterial cultures to replace the stuff in your intestines (beneficial bacteria are killed, along with the bad ones in the urethra). It’s important to take the yogurt for several weeks after finishing the antibiotics (I’ve heard 6 *months*, but that seems extreme). Be sure to get the kind with live cultures at that health food store – Dannon or Yoplait do not work for this.
    I was also concerned about your temper tantrum the day before: in Traditional Chinese Medicine that can be a sign of what we call “heart fire”… which classically vents to the small intestine, and thence to the bladder – viola! UTI. Heart fire doesn’t mean that your heart is in trouble, but it’s important to find ways to cool that down. Green Tea is *excellent* – and avoid coffee, cinnamon, garlic, etc – also soaking your feet in very warm/hot water for a while can help.
    Sorry to go on for so long, but I love your book and blog, and just wanted to help.

  137. Sorry to hear about your calamities. I hope your infection and your leg are both feeling better soon.

  138. Somebody (with only the best intentions) just told Harlot to avoid caffeine. Probably good advice, but along the lines of “Avoid air.”

  139. As a sometimes chronic sufferer of UTI’s – I am NEVER without a box of “Cystex” in my house. Its an over the counter analgesic (read pain killer) that will stop the urgency until you can get yourself to a doctor for antibiotics. A LIFE saver if you dont have a doctor that has weekend office hours. Drinking plenty of water will help too.

  140. Dear Steph – I hope you’re feeling all better by now, and that all the grief that Zephyr caused you is now long distant memory. May your knitting be uninterrupted & peaceful, with not a stitch missing. (Knitting lace is a huge challenge for me. . . but it’s gradually improving. . . Oh My Gosh. . . I probably just jinxed that.)

  141. Gawd woman, you crack me up.
    I can not believe you went three entire days without treatment for that UTI. At the first signs of such I’m beating down the doors of the nearest clinic demanding to be the next in line. Horrible, vile, wicked UTI’s. And the cranberry juice? I swear it makes the pain worse.

  142. I’m so sorry you feel crappy! I was just talking to a knitter about kidney infections, those unfortunate cousins of the UTI, on Friday — maybe we were picking up on your silent cries of anguish.
    I’m with Rise — within 30 seconds of “gee, I feel funny” my nerves have progressed to “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD MAKE IT STOP RIGHT NOW AND WHERE’S THAT GREAT ANAESTHETIC THAT TURNS MY URINE ORANGE???”
    There’s a movement afoot in the US to make UTI meds behind-the-counter drugs — the kind of thing where you can go to th pharmacy, say “Give me now, dammit,” pay your money and be on your way. My friends who are prone to UTIs just get standing prescriptions with unlimited refills.
    Oh, and as for the leg? Ice pack. (Of course, you know this, you have a medical background, you’ve raised three people, you can take perfectly good care of yourself…)

  143. Sorry, I am coming late to the party. I recommend Pyridium which totally takes the agony out of the UTI. These do make you pee orange, but it works. I keep a few leftovers in the cupboard for emergencies. Good luck and I hope by now you are feeling better on all fronts.

  144. A monumentally sucky day, to be sure. Yech. I�m totally with you on the UTI. I never go right for antibiotics because I have actually consumed enough cranberry juice to successfully pee the infection away. I get them fairly regularly, and have since I was a kid (Little Miss Short Urethra here), and I�m always hesitant to take antibiotics because a) they make me feel like ass and b) I don�t want to be the one responsible for creating the supergerm that will surely kill us all one day. Three days is usually how long I let myself battle it out before getting reinforcements. I hope you feel better soon! Make that yarn pay within an inch of it�s life, just for good measure. Your family will thank you for sparing them.

  145. Lord have mercy, sweet baby Jesus! Just be sure and don’t ask,”Could it get any WORSE?!??” cause as sure as you’re born, it will. At least you’re not pregnant!
    Congrats on having the yarn jump up and bite you on the “arse”!

  146. Oh, you had the ultimate worst day ever, but at least the yarn had the decency to come out of its hiding place to placate you, if only a little bit?

  147. I’m so sorry you have a UTI! But, your whole UTI story was one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages. I was reading it at work (shame on me!), and kept getting funny looks from other staff for laughing out loud! I guess people who work in libraries aren’t supposed to laugh out loud alone at their desks!

  148. Is it bad to hysterically laugh at someone else’s misfortune? Am I going to hell now? Damn, you’re funny Stephanie.

  149. Harlot – I’m still super behind, but that post is too funny. So so sorry for the turnstyle adding injury to insult! Glad you found the Zephyr. 😉

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