Strike one and a half

Gravity: The force that attracts a body to the centre of the earth or other celestial body. (The Oxford Encyclopedic Dictionary)

It is a cruel truth that the female form is an eventual victim of gravity. I have accepted this, and I don’t really mind that my…er…assets…are being drawn ever southward. I still like them and I feel pretty good about the years of devoted service that they gave me and my babies during the milky years. I admit that every so often I look at myself and think fondly of their previous higher location on my body, but I’m ok with it, and besides…I don’t think that they are That Low. I feel (despite gravity and the aforementioned years of service) that their location on my body is still totally within normal limits. Nobody points and stares, I don’t catch people drifting their eyes down my front with an incredulous stare….I’ve never been taken aside an spoken to by a caring friend about the stunning and catastrophic lowness of my breasts.

This is why I was stunned to discover that they are in entirely the wrong place for the Silk Corset. I finished the lace, did the armholes (that’s a provisional cast on sitting there. I had a failure to commit to an armhole/sleeve idea so I weenied out.) and read the next part of the pattern. The pattern instructed me to knit ribbing for a while, and then to do the “Bust Decrease” that’s the part that makes the corset swoop in attractively under your normally located breasts. I knit for the required 2.75 cm and began the chart.

It occurred to me that this did seem sort of high to begin to be “under” the breasts, but Claudia and I have both noted that this top doesn’t have tons of coverage, but still….

I thought about my breasts then, with the corset held up to them and tried to figure out how they could be so far off of where they were supposed to be. Then I got my bra. (Always thinking…that’s me.) I put on my bra, held the corset up to my chest where a corset should go and discovered that even with the help of underwire, elastic and positive thinking, the under the breast shaping of the top, the place where it got smaller was falling right where I got bigger. I can’t put the corset lower because I can’t move the location of my arms…and therefore, the armholes. There was only one possible reason that this corset could not be working.

My breasts are in the wrong spot and I have never noticed.

I gave this a good think. The only way this will work is if my breasts are way higher. Did the corset squeeze your breasts higher? Much higher? Like….UNDER YOUR CHIN?

I looked in the mirror. They seem normal. I turned sideways. Yup. That’s pretty much where I expect them to be. (Pretty much, because I have accepted the gravity issue from above.) I think about the times I’ve gone out in public bra-less. Since I think the restraining force of the brassiere is for special occasions, this isn’t as seldom as you would all hope. (If this upsets you, phone my Mum. She would love to talk over my bra-lessness and lack of lipstick.) I didn’t trip over my breasts on these occasions, or have to lift them up to zip up my pants. When I bend over to pull weeds I don’t hold them back with one hand to see the dandelions and except for one occasion (when I asked for it) I don’t receive mountains of bra’s as gifts in what could be considered an avalanche of suggestion.

Then it hits me. The letters after my name are IBCLC. I have seen more breasts than Hugh Hefner. The chances that I passed this exam but failed to notice that my breasts are freakishly placed on my own body are about the same as the chances that Pierce Brosnan is dropping by this afternoon to do my laundry nude.

(Although Dude? If you’re reading this, we’re almost out of detergent. We use unscented and the store is a block west.)

Sure enough, I rechecked the pattern. 2.75 INCHES, not centimetres. Another tragic error caused by the senseless lack of continutity between the designers country and my own.

The location of my breasts is normal. Thought you’d want to know.

I ripped back the half corset I had knit, added the appropriate amount of ribbing and voila.

Corset12

What I did on my summer Vacation, part 2

(again…feel free to skip this is you don’t care about the minute details of this week of my life. )

The day we left Tupper and Susans we began biking again from our Nations Capitol, Ottawa.

Kenparliament

There’s Ken and the sock with the East Block behind them. The East block is historic on the hill in that its appearance really hasn’t changed much since confederation. The offices of Canada’s first Prime Minister, Sir John A. Macdonald are inside and citizens are welcome to wander around. Sir John A. is the father of Confederation and famous for two other things:

Macdonald was well known for his wit and also for his alcoholism. He is known to have been drunk for many of his debates in parliament. One famous story is that during an election debate Macdonald was so drunk he began vomiting violently on stage while his opponent was speaking. Picking himself up Macdonald told the crowd, “see how my opponent’s ideas disgust me.”

-Nationmaster

(The West block has offices of politicians and such. You can’t go in there – even if you really want to talk to Stephen Harper. ) Doen’t both Ken and the sock look moved? You betcha. Doesn’t Sam look like she thinks Ken might have a few loose stitches? Oh yes.

Usparliament

A picture of the five of us (that’s me in the apparently day-glo orange tank. I had no idea it was so bright.) standing atop Parliament Hill with our trusty steeds. You can get a pretty good idea of how much gear we carry from this shot. Each person has two panniers (those saddlebags hanging over the rear wheels.) One is loaded with their personal stuff and the other holds their contribution to the family load. Sam carries the camping pots, Meg everything to do with light (flashlights, lanterns, candles) etc. Atop each persons panniers are perched their sleeping bag and thermarest. (A thermarest is an extraordinary contribution to civilization. It’s a very small self inflating air mattress. If you are camping on hard rocky ground everywhere you go it is very easy to develop an emotional relationship with it.) All the big stuff, like tents (and beer) are in the trailer behind Ken’s bike.

Parliament

The teenaged girls sitting again, this time with the Peace Tower in the background.

Ggres

This is the Governor General’s Residence, a short ride down Sussex drive. In Canada, the Governor General is also the Commander in Chief and the Queen’s representative. Hence the very Buckingham-esque guard.

Sorrydude

We couldn’t resist. The dude is (just like in England) instructed to ignore anything that goes on that isn’t a threat. I’m still wondering what he thought though. Don’t you think it was killing him not to know what was up with the sock?

For the record, in the interest of public safety and in keeping with Canadian laws and general philosophy, that’s a plastic rifle he’s got there.

24

The number on that post reads “24”. Canadians know where the sock is.

Alongtheriver

From there, we go along the Ottawa/Outaouais River (depending on what side of it you are on.) for ages. The Ottawa River bike path system is awesome.

Birchwood

Still on the bike path, a rare picture of the teenaged girls in motion.

Lechateau

At lunch time (ok. A little later than lunchtime) we took the ferry across the river to Quebec to eat and gawk at the very famous and fabulously cool “Le Chateau Montebello“. (The link has better pictures and info) Even though we were way too sweaty and dirty and poor to be in the joint.

Chateauinside

The sock was impressed. The Chateau Montebello is the worlds second largest log structure. (No, I don’t know what the biggest is) and it’s gorgeous. Even though it broke the bank I’m glad we did it.

Ferrywait

We waited for the ferry back across the river….

Rainynight

and the sock rested. I know it looks rainy here but fear not for the trusty sock. It only rained once on the whole bike trip, and it was at night and we were safe and warm in the tents. Not one drop of rain fell on us on any tour day, and the only victims of the rain that is wandering off in this early morning picture was my right and Ken’s left Birkenstock, somehow left out it the rain. Both of us went “step, squish, step, squish, step, squish” for an entire day. You wouldn’t believe what that does for your mood.

On the road again:

Finally today, news on the tour front. Sarah-the-wonder-publicist has advised me that the fun continues and there are some people out there who are going to be happy. Read ’em and weep you persistent knitters….and never let it be said that Sarah isn’t a good listener.

Thursday September 22nd 7:00 The Sheep Shack in Holden, MA.

(They are asking people to RSVP. You can do so to this email: mailto:clentz@thesheepshack.com )

Friday September 23rd: Stitches East in Atlantic City: Signings at 12:30 at The Yarn Barn of Kansas booth, and at 2:00 at Rosie’s Yarn Cellar Booth

Saturday September 24th: Still at Stitches: a signing at The Mannings booth at 12:30 and a terrifying speech at dinner. (Note to self. Check hair carefully to make sure you rinsed it. Wear pants.)

Sunday September 25th: Still at Stitches, regardless of how humiliating the talk was the night before. Signing at The Mannings booth again at 12:30.

Monday September 26th: Lake Placid NY, 7:00 at Adirondack Yarns.

Tuesday September 27th: Canton NY 6-8:00 pm at Brewer Bookstore, St. Lawrence University.

Saturday October 1st : CHICAGO! (See? I told you Sarah was a good listener) Details of the location and hours to be announced as soon as Sarah gets them to me.

Thursday October 13th: Toronto Ontario. The Creative Sewing and Needlework Festival. I’ll be reporting at 1:00 for a talk and a signing.

Saturday October 15th: Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool Festival

Signing (and buying fiber) at Spirit Trail Fiberworks at 3:00.

Sunday October 16th: Still at Rhinebeck, drunk on yarn and knitting buddies and signing at Spirit Trail again at 11:00

Monday October 17th: Skeneateles (Can someone tell me how to say that?) NY at Creekside Books & Coffee, 7:00pm

Teusday October 18th: Acton, MA: Launch party and multi-author reading for Knitlit The Third: We Spin More Yarns at Willow Books. This promises to be the best knitting party all year. I’ve been promised cake. If you come, you could get some too.

Wednesday October 19th: Toronto, Ontario I’ll be the speaker at the Downtown Knit Collective at the Metro-Central YMCA at 7:30.

Visitors to the DKC are welcome to come.

Yours truly will take to the stage and….well. We’ll just see what happens. This event actually gives me the willies pretty badly. I LIVE in Toronto, so I can’t chant the mantra that gets me through all of my other events. Usually I stand up there, look out at all your smiling faces and know that if I arse it up, faint or swear…the odds are pretty good I’ll never see 90% of you again. That just doesn’t cut it if you are only a few blocks from home.

Phew. I’ll toss all that on the tour page when I’ve adjusted to the idea.

151 thoughts on “Strike one and a half

  1. I grew up outside of Albany, NY, right around the corner from Skeneateles, so I feel pretty confident in saying it is pronounced “Skin-nee-at-less,” but run it together very quickly, just in case.

  2. As to the 2.75 inches v. centimeters, take heart. The Hubble telescope did not work to begin with because NASA made a similar error with yards and meters. And they were trying to locate universes.
    Alas, I cannot come to Rhinebeck this year — it falls AFTER our fall break. So I will not be able to hunt around for you futilely only to run into you when I finally stop trying to find you!!
    That Laurie

  3. At the beginning of your post, I was thinking “welcome to my world”, but then you got lucky and found out it was just an error in your reading and not in your anatomy. I am, however, at 32, pretty sure that in the next few years I will be wearing my shoes on my breast.
    The vacation pics are gorgoeus though.

  4. Skeneateles — SKIN-E-ATLEES
    or at least that’s how we ponounced it whenI was at college in Syracuse, which is NE of there (I think?).

  5. YeeHaw, The Harlot’s going to Stitches East, where I will be. I’ll be in the same zip code. Must get new copy of bookbookbook!!!!

  6. You have a river that is named one thing on one side and something else on the other???!!! How cool is that!!! What a wonderful opportunity for confusion!
    When you were in Seattle, I didn’t notice anything odd about your breasts. Not that I was looking specifically at your breasts. Really. Glad you figured out it was the pattern. Don’t those moments make life interesting?

  7. Oh, man, I was thinking of skipping Rhinebeck this year. My stash is already way too large…change of plans, I guess.

  8. So zen, That Laurie.
    And I, in turn, thought that Annie Modisset (did everyone see that she commented here her very self?) had been watching the Colin Firth Pride & Prejudice, which was remarkable, among its myriad virtues, for the extent to which Elizabeth Bennett’s puppies are willing to sit up and POINT! and designed the corset for her.
    Roggey, she’s coming to Chicago. You happy now? (Your site is absolutely e-mail resistant…)

  9. I think you mean October 13th for the Creative Sewing and Needlwork Festival… πŸ™‚
    (And I hope to be there! Yay!)
    I used to work as a tour guide in the Parliament buildings. (The geeks in the blue wool uniforms? That was me.) In fact, my boyfriend was a guide there too – that’s how we met, 2 1/2 years ago now. I *love* that place. Rideau Hall…less. I don’t think it’s really all that fantastic, other than the cool guards.

  10. aw man – I have been taking Wednesday night call so I have Thursday afternoon off; but next Wednesday (the 21nd) I’m off for a dentist appointment and have to take call on Thursday (the 22nd). A night listening to you and seeing other knitters would be much, much better then another night on call. (big sigh here.) Another point falls into the “go to Rhinebeck?” category.
    The pictures of your trip are wonderful, and were worth the wait. As for the where things belong, I can attest that there is a wide variation to anatomically correct placements. I haven’t seen as many breasts as you have, but have seen enough to know that anywhere from the collar bone to the bellybutton is an okay place to be. (I think Oprah says they should peak at mid upper arm when arms are down by ones side – but she can’t really know what she’s talking about becuase she hasn’t had kids…).

  11. oh, one more thing. Willow books was a great place to see you earlier this year, but it was a tad bit small. Is it going to be able to hold everyone? (I am crossing my fingers that I’ll be able to trek back down for it, esp. if I don’t make it to NY.)

  12. Do you realize how many people out there/here have just read the beginning of that post and thought about your breasts and their placement?
    Although the punchline was funny – silly cm/in thing.

  13. I have suffered the squishiness of Birkenstocks. Ugh. Have you ever considered Chacos?
    I noticed your tour is in the Northern states. Are you saving the summer ones for when you get stark raving mad cabin fever in February?

  14. (I should mention that my former place of occupation was an assisted living facility where the breasts really are long enough to be mistaken for nuts.)

  15. Hopefully I’ll be seeing you and your perfectly lovely breasts at Rhinebeck… Breasts that have nursed can be nothing less than lovely in my book!
    I’m bringing DH & DD to play while I shop… looked too fun for them to pass up, and we’re making it a day trip as all reasonable (read cheap) lodging is booked.
    Tell Ken he is looking very good in those pics πŸ™‚

  16. NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    NOT OCTOBER 1! For the love of wool!
    I’m in my freakin’ cousin’s wedding that day!
    *weeping of torrential portions and gnashing of teeth, yanking hair out by the roots*

  17. I laughed out loud at the Pierce Brosnan comment. He is SO at the top of my “list”. Seriously though, if he does stop by would you give him my address?

  18. When Pierce is done with your laundry, can he come help with mine?
    I’m wondering how that corset top would work for ladies like me, who are… rather generously endowed.

  19. Skinny ATlas! Hurray! (Bet you didn’t know you could generate such glee by going to a town you’ve never heard of!) Might I mention again (and I haven’t mentioned it at least six months) how very, very, very close Toronto is to…
    …ROCHESTER, NY?
    Just saying.

  20. I am very hurt and upset that Peterborough is not on the list.
    Please remedy that immediately. Especially since we are a mere 2 hours away from you!

  21. Stephanie, your breasts are in just the right place for a woman who has nursed three kiddies. Besides, if they moved, where would Joe find them? If Pierce Brosnan shows up, would you please notify the rest of us? I’ve been drooling over him for years, and my daughter just doesn’t understand. Thermarest is indeed God’s gift to camping — and does Ken do canoe camping? Any dude that hauls beer would be welcome on my vacation! (At least with canoeing, both shoes get wet!)

  22. As a Skaneateles native: skann-ee-at-less
    Just the way it’s spelled! πŸ˜‰
    I’m in New York now, but I’ll send my mom and her friends, knitters all. Creekside is a really adorable bookstore (especially the cafe; I love the cafe), and you mustmustmust check out Elegant Needles on Jordan St.
    Can’t wait for pictures!

  23. I’m with Nikki – I’m going to assume you mean October 13th for the CSNF. πŸ™‚ I work at Queen and Yonge – I am *so* taking a late lunch that day so I can go and see you there.

  24. Some of us have been eagerly awaiting this installment of the bike journey. Particularly since any bit coming through or near Ottawa is a do-able shorter trip for me and my small gang in future.
    You should write some of this up for Family Camping magazine (I sent you an e-mail with the url).

  25. I just got the book book book #2 and LOVE it! Keep up the good work. Carla ( the sender of the sock mamo photos)

  26. Aw, maaaan! Give a girl some advance notice, YH! You’re coming here to NJ and if I had only known a couple of weeks ago, I could have potentially managed to get to Stitches East (2+ hours south of me). As it stands today, there’s no way I can get there. Bummer!
    P.S. Does the corset come in a special size for those of us who have more ample boobage?

  27. I, like Kathleen will be taking a *ahem* late lunch so I can see you at CSNY in October.
    AND – since I JUST got my email confirming Chapters.Indigo.ca has shipped my copy of bookbookbook2 (YAY!!!), I’ll be lining up with the rest of the adoring throng to get an autograph! If it’s now in the Chapters warehouse, it should be seen in the wild shortly, no?

  28. Rochester, NY is so close to Toronto…not to mention that there is an actual yarn shop inside a bookstore (or is it a bookstore inside a yarn shop?) and at least one (if not more) bookstore that is a location for a knitting group. Please visit us on the other side of the lake!

  29. Thank you for getting my mind off of the “small child fiasco” occurring in my house..now I will be obsessed all day long about what the mysterious house sign/pole with the “24” on it is for.
    And what us Seattle-ites did to cause your Sarah person to not put us on your bookbookbook2 tour… πŸ™

  30. Okay, one, the breast placement thing made me laugh out loud. Thanks for that!
    Two, Thermarest is the best camping invention of the modern world. Three, I’ll see you at the Sheep Shack next week. Woo hoo!

  31. YAY!!!!! The Harlot is coming to Chicago!!!!!
    It’ll be great to see you in person, especially since it’s become so much more difficult for me to read your blog every day now that my company has BLOCKED your site from our server. If they had a human making these decisions instead of some dumb program, they would have realized that “harlot” in this context is NOT porn-related.
    Does it make you feel special that your blog has been blocked (at least in the US) by a multi-national organization with over 100k employees? You’re really notorious now!

  32. Skanny-atles, definitely, from someone who grew up in Syracuse and spent summers on the next Finger Lake over (Owasco). (But I would have deferred to Lauren, the native, if she had said skinny-atlas) Elegant Needles is great, and Shannon is so nice – you must visit . Unfortunately, the Skaneateles Bakery closed — they had the best jelly donuts in the world.

  33. Please let me know if I can be helpful to you while you are in Chicago! I know where the good vegan food is. I am strong enough to carry many skeins of yarn. I can get you into a free yoga class. Really, I am eager to serve.

  34. delurking to say…Where’s your Denver book tour stop already????? Knitters galore here in the Rockies…luv luv luv ya harlot

  35. Love to stay and chat Steph but bookbookbook2 is here in Virginia from Amazon pre-order…gotta go read now :>)!

  36. So, when the designer wrote, “2.75….if you would like the bust shaping to occur lower on the body, lengthen this measurement”, you figured she didn’t mean you, hmmm?
    I actually lengthened it a little myself, and my girls have way less wear n’ tear….
    πŸ˜‰

  37. Breasts tend to have their own agenda I find. Since getting pregnant and nursing I have accepted that they change size on will – why not position too?
    As for metric versus that other stuff – why is it that I know my height in feet but can only do distance in kilometres?
    Loved the bike trip – took me back to my student days in Ottawa.
    For Libby’s sake (and to prove I learned something in Canadian history) 24 refers to 24 Sussex Drive – the residence of our Prime Ministers (one at a time of course).
    I hope when the Western leg of the tour is compiled you might make it to the Island. Some great yarn stores over here.

  38. Just a quick comment the needlework festival is in October – or do I have it confused with something else?

  39. YAY! Chicago is a wee bit closer to Iowa (heck if I can make it to Michigan I can make it to Chicago)
    Ah, Thermarest… Sweet sweet thermarests.

  40. I’ll never forget the day, after being married for about 25 years when I tried on my wedding dress. This dress was from back in the 70’s when the princess line was in style (you remember, gathered right under the bustline?). When I put on the dress I was dismayed to find out that the band that previously laid nicely UNDER my bust was now laying ON TOP of my bust! After a good laugh, my husband said, “Yes, dear, gravity does work!”

  41. My mom grew up in Skeneateles, and when I was a kid, I always used to think she was saying “Skinny Atlas” . . . I actually had an image in my head of a very slim book of maps.
    And, um, if I bake Sarah-the-wonder-publicist cookies or something, do you think she’d send you to Dallas? Or even somewhere in the general vicinity, like Austin or Oklahoma City?

  42. Oh – and one other thing. I went to the gym this morning. After showering, I was drying off, and noticed I forgot TO BRING MY PANTS. I thought of you. Thankfully, my gym is right next to a clothing store that opens at 8 AM, so I only had to walk around in my dress shirt, dress shoes and spandex for about 10 minutes. Sigh.

  43. See what I get for doing a million things at once. You have the date correct and I read it as Sept 13 for the festival.

  44. Holden MA, no kidding – I think of it as a very small quiet place where my great-great-grandfather owned a farm after emigrating from Ireland during the famine. I’ll have to look at that web site. Haven’t actually been there in decades of course, his former farm is probably now a subdivision.
    I’m not from anywhere nearby, but I always thought it was pronounced Scan-ee-AT-a-lees.

  45. Oh! I was enjoying your entire post (and am awed by your family’s bike-riding abilities) and then I got to my favorite part–you’re going to be at Rhinebeck on Saturday! Hurray! Finally, an excuse to carry both yarn AND a book along on a shopping trip.

  46. Hi Steph.. you crack me up.. and now i’m so looking forward to seeing you at Rhinebeck! yippee! and i’ll have both books by then i hope! at least i can control myself in the shopping mode there.. i know weird isn’t it.. can’t keep me away from yarns in a store or on the internet.. but but me at a huge place like Stitches or Rhinebeck i really behave.. must be something wrong with me! hee..hee.. hugs Karola
    PS LOVED your vacation photos.. makes mee feel like i might have had a vacation this year! vicariously thru you all! πŸ™‚ k

  47. Yay! Woot! Chicago!!!! I was just talking to my LYS today and she nows has Knit’s End… I told her she should she if you could come to the store for the new book and she agreed it would be wonderful. We are 80 NW of Chicago, Rockford/Loves Park. Maybe I’ll get to see you twice!
    Wow, less than 3 weeks I get to see (and meet I hope) THE Harlot πŸ˜€

  48. Well, last year I took a detour on the way to Rhinebeck, and it was to Lake Placid. Lovely, gorgeous, scenic little place, but one of those “you can’t get there from here” places. I’m sure your breasts will like it, though.

  49. Just a few things.
    1 – Pierce said he’s sorry, he can’t make it. He was on his way when he was attacked by a dust bunny under my couch.
    2 – Didn’t that guard think that someone approaching him, with “pointy sticks”, was a threat?
    3 – I’ll be at Stitches East, on the Friday. Do you think you could wear pants on that day, too?
    HOW EXCITING!!!

  50. oh and i forgot.. i’m glad you found that your boobs hadn’t fallen more than the appropriate distance.. i found mine are way further south than expected and tomorrow is 10 years since the munckin showed up.. and she only nursed for 4 months.. so i’ll take full blame for the southern falling.. hee..hee.. karola

  51. just a little something to cheer you up — did you know that if you google “yarnharlot.ca”, google will ask you if you really meant to type in “earnhardt.car”!
    thought you might like to know you might be getting some accidental traffic from the nascar crowd!

  52. Does Sarah own a map? Point her to the big cow udder thing in the lowest part of the Central US and look for a city called AUSTIN. Only one yarn store. You can’t miss it. We all know where it is. Spam Nanny won’t let me mention the state. Good to know you aren’t deformed AND that gravity visits us all, regardless of nature’s generosity.

  53. i’m excited i will get to squire you around chicago. you’re telling your publicist i’ve got it taken care of, right? and did joe not go on this biking trip? i’m so confused by the 5 of us picture. is he taking the picture? glad to hear your boob are normal!

  54. I can’t believe you’re going to Skinny-Atlas! I grew up in the Albany area, and Skinny-Atlas is a familiar name to me, but confounds anyone outside a 100-mile radius.
    Also meant to comment about Brockville–did you have fish-n-chips while you were there? There’s a FABULOUS fish-n-chips shop that makes the trip to Brockville worthwhile, no matter what else you’re doing, or how many train employees you upset. My in-laws have a camp across the river in NY, and summer just isn’t complete if they don’t get to take the boat over for fish-n-chips. Yum!
    Your photos are beautiful!
    –Judy

  55. I love the plastic rifle. I live in Texas. At birth the hospital gives you a bible and a gun…
    And God Bless LCs. I loved mine more than my husband while I was nursing.

  56. Elation, followed by depression… The closest you’ve been (Chicago) to me in Minnesota, the one weekend I can’t head down there. Sigh.
    I went to the changing of the guard in Quebec a couple years back. There’s something surreal about having the English Beefeaters doing the guard change in French.

  57. Can’t wait to see you in “Skinny-atlas”….I’ll be traveling from the other lake town to the east of Syracuse, which is Cazenovia. To piggyback on what others have said, you will love Shannon at Elegant Needles!

  58. Okay so once again it looks like the eastern part of canada just isn’t on any maps eh? I wrote a letter to the publisher last time, where do I complain this time, sigh.
    susanna disappointed once again in Halifax, NS

  59. So, any chance you can sneak away from the slots of Atlantic City for a little Manhattan action?
    When you publish your itinerary, it makes me think that at some point in the near future, a roving band of ardent, faithful fans will appear, calling themselves “Steph Heads” and following you from yarn store to yarn store. Selling Kool-Aid dyed yarn in the parking lot. Trippy.

  60. I, coincidentally, will be in Chicago on October 1 – with my aunt who would surely enjoy meeting you because I so desperately want to meet you! Please let it be early because we leave about 3:00pm. I missed you when you were in Kalamazoo and don’t want to miss you again!!!

  61. You can’t have posted this all THAT long ago and I just signed into my mail to find twelve (12) messages saying HARLOT IS COMING TO CHICAGO!
    Bless your heart, you heard our whining. I’ll be there, you bet I will. Rhinebeck too, for that matter.
    Hurrah. You’ve made my damn day.

  62. I’m with Delta…Denver, please?
    So…how does it feel to know that nearly the entire knitting blogosphere is now thinking about your breasts? The #1 google return for “harlot” and hundreds (if not thousands) of people thinking about your boobs…your mother must be so proud! πŸ˜‰

  63. I’m so glad I peed before I read that first bit.
    Alas, no plans to visit the South, eh? Maybe for my husband’s birthday, he can ship me north where all the good yarn shop seem to be located!

  64. I’m one of those Canadians that’s never consistent with my country when I measure anything, I like feet over metres, inches over centimetres but in the metric system’s favour km over miles. (maybe because the bike speeds and distances sound much more impressive!) The breast thing was too funny!
    I totally agree that thermarests are a wondrous camping invention but they aren’t all created equal. I bought a nice light compact TR that fits in my pannier. My boyfriend has a luxury thick TR that he ties to his rack. When we actually get to the camping site and inflate them and I see his is four times thicker and I’m freezing because my heat is getting sucked into the ground, I’m regretting my choice of tr.

  65. Cool trip. No this American doesn’t know where 24 is, do tell. Centimeters vs inches oops. Oddly enough all my needles are metric, and I have to look to make the conversion back to American.
    Amazon notified me this morning that bookbookbook 2 went in the mail and it should be here tomorrow. I’ll see you at Stitches to get it signed.

  66. A fellow nursing mom of twins and I have done a duet (ha! haha!) that goes like this:
    do your boobs hang low
    do they dangle to and fro
    can you tie them in a knot…um, uh, yeah, okay, moving on…
    That is to say, I hear you sister. And for me, it would not have been an Imperial to Metric conversion issue. It would have been the shocking effects of twin toddlers. Okay, and a little gravity.
    I’m bummed you won’t be coming back to Amherst, but I suppose I’ll develop a good attitude about it. πŸ™‚ Holden, huh? Hmmm. See you at Rhinebeck, no matter what, though. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.

  67. I’m not impressed with Sarah-the-wonder-publicist…I don’t see the Twin Cities, Minnesota on your list…and we have at least 17 LYS that I can think of, plus many lovely bookstores! C’mon, Harlot, talk to the Wonder Publicist!

  68. My husband is from an even smaller town outside Rhineback, but alas no trips home for us. It has been my practice for several months now to walk into various yarn stores in various states with my baby, sit down, pop out a boob and nurse away, as we are (mostly) all girls here anyway, and no one has minded yet. My parents think of me as a militant lactivist. I think of myself as someone with a hungry (now) toddler and the inability to plan ahead for snack time. Everybody wins. And hooray for thinking that bras and slips are only for special occasions! (Like when you go to a wedding accompanied by your mother)You rock! And if you happen to need a hookup for an alternative fiber fix let me know. I know people.

  69. I knew I liked you for a reason! Can’t believe there aren’t more IBCLC’s out there reading your stuff!! After seeing more breasts than my husband could ever dream of, I know a truly beautiful breast is one that has fed a baby! Who cares where they are?

  70. Steph, it’s Pierce’s day to do laundry in the buff at MY house. I thought we’d worked the schedule out, but apparently not. Let’s concentrate, okay?

  71. First, a tip of the hat to you: I would have been seriously lost without the help of La Leche League and Wellcare (lactation consultants) when my firstborn had serious latch-on problems. Lactation consultants are wonderful people, plain and simple. Bless you all. As to my post-nursing body, my daughter told me recently that she likes when i carry her because I’m “squishy in the right places.” Oy. Maybe i need to work out a little more??? In any event, I’m glad you sorted your corset. Can’t wait to see it when it’s finished!
    Though I’m bummed about this, you’ll likely be glad to know that a number of NY booksellers have already sold out of Bookbookbook2, so I’m still hunting down a copy.
    looking forward to seeing you at rhinebeck!

  72. all three of my babies had a tag at the hospital; “no bottles no supp”. i actually had to fight for that and my first ex-mother in law tossed me out of her house over the issue. i KNEW i liked you. tina turner says she had hers put back up where they belong. lol.
    my Books A Million did not have your new book today,
    marie in florida
    ps could you manage to be in Dallas from the 21st to the 27th? i will be.

  73. One of those beefy guard types stuck his tongue out at me. Really! I swear I’m not making this up. It was during a Changing of the Guard in front of Buckingham Palace.

  74. As my father was wont to say about instructions “you start in the top left corner and read to the bottom right”, but if you feel more comfortable with it being the fault of the metric-imperial discrepancy (conspiracy?), g’ahead.
    And how much do I love that MacDonald was capable of such quick-wittedness, even when loaded to the point of barfing. We need more politicians like that. Smart, I mean. Not vomiting.

  75. Never fear! You couldn’t possibly screw up. After all, nobody knows what you were planning to say, do they? And as for the swearing–some of us LOVE swearing and have our very own trucker mouths! πŸ˜€

  76. She was only half-listening, because she missed the part about Minneapolis. It’s an hour flight from Chicago – you can do it!!

  77. SARAH!!! Listen, we said ARIZONA!!! PLEEEEEZE! Winter is the best time to come here, oh PLEEEEZE. We’ll send her home with cactus candy for you.

  78. The breasts unfortunate location on this body is the exact reason I will NEVER be knitting myself a shrug. It seems like wearing a shrug is the same as wearing a neon sign announcing that your body will never be the same!
    P.S. As a non-Canadian… I need to ask what the 24 means?

  79. I HAVE the BOOKBOOK2. I have READ the BOOKBOOK2. My personal book ranking system:
    * Makes me laugh out loud
    ** Makes me laugh out loud in public
    *** Makes me laugh like a raving maniac at work (trust me not a good thing for a judge)
    **** Makes me laugh out loud so long and hard I cry
    ***** Makes me pee my pants laughing and crying hysterically.
    Rating for the Secret Life of a Knitter ******
    Now when is the next one going to come out? What about the movie rights?
    Holly

  80. SOOOOO psyched you are going to be at Stiches East!
    Soooo bummed there is going to be a line five miles long when you’re signing your book!
    5 of us who work in a yarn shop in Rhode Island(Yarns at Lacewings) are traveling together. I will make them all buy BOTH your books!!!!

  81. Woo….Skaneateles (Skinny Atlas, Skinny At Less, etc ) Its a beautiful town. When I first saw that you were going to be there, I thought it would be at Elegant Needles, then remembered just how small that store is LOL.
    I’m stoked though..its just up the road (ok…25 miles, not “just” up the road) But I’m so there!

  82. First I was excited that you were going to be in Canton, because I went to college in Potsdam and Canton was only ten minutes from Potsdam, then I read a little further and saw you were going to be in Skaneatatles! I used to work at the yarn shop there while I was in college! Looking forward to seeing you there!

  83. I’m a member of the Band of the Ceremonial Guard. We’re the musicians who play for the Changing of the Guard on Parliament Hill every day during the summer and wear the same uniforms with the bearskin hats and wool tunics. We parade alongside the Governor General’s Foot Guards and the Canadian Grenadier Guards, including the guy in the picture. I love the pictures, but I have to tell you: the rifle’s not plastic.
    The guards on parade and at Rideau Hall carry C-7 service rifles, which is the basic rifle that everyone in the Canadian Forces learns how to use. They take the same rifles out to the ranges for training during the summer, and someone else is probably using the same rifles on exercise during the year. If you want to get technical, because the rifle has a magazine in it, it’s actually loaded. Although, of course, there are no bullets anywhere around.

  84. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU – I was in desperate need of a laugh and you didn’t let me down! Pierce…. God I just love the man. Holden, MA and Acton, MA – I have a double shot at that – I live very close to both – SEE YOU SOON!
    Cath

  85. Yeah, okay, fine, go to Chicaco while Vermont has a perfectly good sheep and wool festival sort of near you…
    Whine.
    And now I’m getting nervous about the location of my breasts. I swear, a walk in downtown MontrοΏ½al practically makes you think NOT having a lift by age 40 is illegal.

  86. skanny-AT-a-lees
    or
    skanny-AT-a-liss
    Depending on your preference.
    I’m not sure. I’ve heard it both ways. I’ve never been there, just heard it pronounced. I think it’s in the Finger Lakes? Must ask Geography Boy. Just don’t leave the hotel room until you’re really, like, leaving the hotel. Allow the staff to collect your tray directly from your room. Take advantage of any of the larger towels and/or bathrobes that are offered. And have fun. xoxoxKay

  87. Yeah. Boobs are like that. Like men and cats, they do what they want, regardless of your plans for them.
    Just wanted you to know, Target has your book online now. Yippee! I’ll look for it IRL in my local Target here in the states (orth of Pittsburgh, PA) tomorrow.

  88. We used to drive through Skeneateles every time we drove to Princeton, and while I see the pronunciation is about the same in the comment section, I don’t think anyone showed you the accent syllable; so, try “skin-knee-AT-les” And, when you go there, don’t miss Krebs and its wonderful family style chicken dinners — or, does it no longer exist?

  89. Yay! I am reading the new book, which arrived the same day as new yarn, which turned a formerly crap day into a great one…thanks. Thrilled that I can say hi and get my books signed at Rheinbeck! I missed you in New York City, because I was working or some dumb thing.

  90. See you at the CSNF! I’m working the Knit Cafe the afternoon you will be signing. I’m supposed to be showing how to knit socks. What was I thinking?!!! Anywho, we can do dueling sock pictures!

  91. Damn. I just read through all of the 107 comments and now I can’t remember what I was going to say.
    Part of it concerned the exam you took:
    K. BREASTFEEDING EQUIPMENT AND TECHNOLOGY (10-16):
    e.g., Identification of breastfeeding devices and equipment, appropriate use, and technical expertise in using them properly; milk banking.
    The answer to this question is: the left Lady and the right Lady? It does not ask WHERE they are.
    Oh yeah … the other part of my comment was that you should mention to Sarah-the-wonder-publicist about New York (Rhinebeck) and Maine not being particularly “eastern” places, even though they ARE east of Toronto.
    More eastward are:
    Halifax (http://www.tradewindknits.com/) and Gaspereau (http://www.gaspereauvalleyfibres.ca/).
    I’m with Susanna on this one. Who do I complain to?
    But … if you do not get to this part of the continent, have a GREAT time wherever you are.
    Take care and happy knitting.

  92. I have NEVER laughed so hard at a knitting blog before! I guess it hit me so, because I am a lactating female at the moment. You also had me blinking at the screen at first wondering if I had lost all hope at having reasonable looking breast after my daughter was done with them.

  93. Delerious and depressed all at once.
    You’re coming to Chicago!
    On a SATURDAY!
    of course it’s the Saturday I’m supposed to take my girls to see Dan Zanes’ show in the morning, and then to go see Pat Metheny with my husband in the evening. It’s oly 2.5 hours away — so, if you were there at 2:30 or 3:00 I could get there, see you, drive home, shower in 3 minutes and make it to Pat Metheny…
    Yeah, right.
    sniff.
    So close, and yet so far.

  94. All right you! You could make Chicago but not just the short jaunt to Kansas? Trust I will be trying to work out a day trip sorta thing…

  95. I missed you last year at Rheinbeck (and my 4yo was even wearing a Harlot poncho while she admired the llamas) and since we moved from NY to CO this summer, Rheinbeck is too far to go for a weekend during hockey season (‘tho I’m aiming for Taos). So I’m with Delta. Come to the Rockies! We have lots of llamas in Colorado Springs, at least 3 yarn shops, less than an hour from Denver (more yarn shops), and lots of hockey (to include one team with an almost 5yo girl who would really like me to please knit her some pink hockey socks for her birthday in Oct because the hockey shop doesn’t have them and she really thinks that pink would look very nice with her new black hockey pants but purple would be OK too). Anyone have a tube/sock knitting machine I can borrow? Oh, and I always heard it called Skinny-atlas when I lived in NY.

  96. I think you are convinced that the book exists by now, but just in case you needed more confirmation, mine arrived today. See you at at least one of your MA events!

  97. Nice to see you’re hitting Chicago. I’m bummed that it’s going to be in Hawaii at the time. I hope you’ll be circling back sometime!

  98. **sniffs** Sarah what about Michigan. You know the mitten state. Book 2 is on the way for me as well…….Oh don’t worry about gravity taking them down just worry when you get older…This coming from my grams when they disappear into your armpits. That is when you need to worry about them being slightly off. LOL πŸ™‚

  99. **sniffs** Sarah what about Michigan. You know the mitten state. Book 2 is on the way for me as well…….Oh don’t worry about gravity taking them down just worry when you get older…This coming from my grams when they disappear into your armpits. That is when you need to worry about them being slightly off. LOL πŸ™‚

  100. Um, I know it’s quite far away, but since you’ve now done two books you could roll them both into one trip and think of it as only half the distance – and come to Britain! How about it? We have many sheep…. x

  101. Hi, Stephanie –
    Just wondering if there will ever be a cross-Atlantic portion of your tour? I’ve transplanted to England and need someone to help me figure out how it is that there are so many sheep everywhere, (and I mean EVERYWHERE), yet yarn stores are so hard to find. It defies logic. What do they do with it all??? Thank heavens there’s mail order.
    Hmmm. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned the lack of yarn stores. Now you’ll never come over.

  102. Argh! You’re gonna be at the Yarn Barn of Kansas *booth* in *Atlantic City*?! ‘Cause I live a mere 5 blocks from the actual Yarn Barn, which would be much more convenient… πŸ˜‰

  103. Great blog! Being an RN in Obstetrics for many years, I couldn’t help, but chuckle. I nursed all three of my children and can relate. The corset picture you posted today (adding the extra ribbing) looked like a nursing corset minus the flap! Think of the possibilities….I’m thrilled you’ll be back at Willow Books in Acton, MA this October! Can’t wait to see you πŸ™‚

  104. OMG – I am laughing about so much right now! Your dilemma with “the sisters” and their possible bad location had me in stitches! OMG – that’s a lot like me! I will never knit myself a corset, probably because it would have to be a dress to cover the girls so far down! LOL
    The traveling sock is awesome! You are too funny! Thanks for the great entries! You are one cool knitter!

  105. I’ve also heard tell of a story where good ol’ John A. went to bed drunk and lit himself on fire during the London conference for confederation!

  106. Well, I was all set to get indignant about your tour schedule (skipping the midwest again, are we?) and then I see that you are, indeed, at last, coming to Chicago. Yay! (Please don’t let them send you to the suburbs. City, baby. City is where you want to be.)

  107. I was a few years past 40 when I finally made a bra part of the normal dressing ritual — up ’til then, it was strictly used only for dress up. And ohmygodmymother… she has four girls and NONE of us dress right, wear our hair right (neither cut, color, NOR curl), or use the correct (or correct amount) of makeup, including lipstick (which she has a dependence on, I swear; I’ve heard that it happens.)
    Woohoo. Thanks for the tour update. I’ll be seein’ ya!

  108. Should we make reservations this time? Or at least find a pub that won’t close on us!
    I’ll be taking the evening off this time around – back in May, I totally rushed in at the last minute and was very much embarrassed, even though you were so gracious about it. πŸ™‚
    You should wear the corset on tour!

  109. I’ll see you in Holden! What the hell, it’s only a couple hours away…THROUGH Worcester in RUSH HOUR. I must really want to meet you. (I do, I do!) I’m bringing a couple friends, one who is pretty much a non-knitter but totally supports creativity in any format, being an artist. The other has a mother in Ireland who read my copy of the first bookbookbook and loved it…I haven’t convinced her entirely to come but I’m working on it! You will know us, not by me, but by the artist friend. She has what we lovingly refer to as ‘Rock Goddess’ hair. When we’re not calling her Rooster. Oh my God, she’ll kill me if she ever hears I let this out in public. Don’t mention it when I say hi. Don’t stare at her hair, whatever you do!

  110. Seconding the vote to come to Arizona. It’s a lovely place to be in the winter (do NOT come in the summer. I’m from upstate NY, and Phoenix is close to “hell” temperature-wise in the summer).
    Three cheers for the IBCLC helping to keep mamas and babies nursing! YAY!!!
    And, for a further lesson in NY pronounciation, it’s “Cook-SOCK-ee” not “cock-sack-see” for Coxsackie (yes, home of the virus of the same name.
    ~amey (who grew up about 8 miles north of Coxsackie)

  111. I know you probably already know this but, it is pronounced “Skinny Atlas” I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I live close by! Wahoo! I will be there you can bet on it! But I already have your book! Can I bring that and have it signed? I don’t have the reciept anymore, will they think I stole it???
    Can’t wait to meet you!

  112. Pleasepleaseplease come to Milwaukee (just an hour and a half from Chicago on scenic Lake Michigan) with the bookbookbook2! Lots of great knitters here luv ya.
    Besides, Milwaukee is famous for it’s great beer!

  113. No, West Coast locations on the tour (yet!)But I can still hope! There can be more brownies in your future if you visit Seattle again, Stephnie!!
    I haven’t knitted anything quite so close fitting yet, but I made a Debbie Bliss bolero sweater (the one in the summer 05 Interweave Knits), and it didn’t occur to me until I was nearly finished that I wasn’t sure if the shaping for the breasts would come out where my breasts were! Thankfully, it did. I was sweating bullets for a while there! I just don’t think about things like that. Silly me!

  114. Jenne, who came with me to have dinner with you in Philadelphia, told me that you were going to be in Skeneateles but on a Monday. We said “Oh well, guess we won’t see Stephanie on this go-round”.
    But she’s not going to the New York State Sheep and Wool Show (Rhinebeck) and I am. My plan is to scope out the best yarns I can find and afford on Saturday and then to bargain hunt on Sunday. So maybe I’ll see you there. I have to warn you, though, not to expect hand-dyed watermelon yarn yet.
    Thanks for the 2nd installment of the vaca picture and travelogue and safe travels on your upcoming tour!

  115. Okay, Sarah will soon hate me and will rescind her offer when she gets the deluge of emails/comments, but she EMAILED me today (she really does listen, holy cow, Wonder Publicist indeed!) and promised that although book2 will have a limited tour, Arizona will indeed make the book3 tour in the spring, which is even prettier than AZ winter (providing you realize that spring in southern/central AZ is over by the end of April).
    Thank you, Stephanie – not only for having knitting skills galore and the most hilarious writing style, but for having Sarah the Wonder Publicist on your team!
    (Sarah, you rock!)
    Does it freak you out that people you’ve never met are begging for your calendar dates 6 months out?

  116. Loved your first book cant wait to pick up ur second and will never forgive myself if I dont get to meet ya at rhinebeck, and I’m trying to plan a trip up to toronto for a maple leafs game and maybe some yarn buying.

  117. IT’S HERE!!!!! I just checked the mailroom and bookbookbook2 is now HERE, sitting at my desk with me in downtown Toronto! And it’s lovely and green and nubbly-covered and dammit I’ve got a couple of hours and huge stacks of work to to before I should let myself read any of it, but IT’S HERE!

  118. The corset is gorgeous and I might even consider it. Anything knit in ArtFiber yarns is good. I was having problems the description because I just assumed the thing was knit from the bottom. Now that I see the partially knit object, it all makes sense. But, I think you are going to need a good underwire bra for that. And I can tell you that a trip to a good lingerie store with a person who knows how to fit and dropping more money than you would think possible is worth it. Most people apparently wear bras that aren’t the right size.

  119. Skaneateles is a two-hour drive on a school night for me. Am I going?
    HELL, YES. (Unless I can con someone into going to Rhinebeck with me.)
    Not only am I dying to see The Harlot in person, I love love love Shannon at Elegant Needles and if you go, so will you.
    happy dance happy dance happy dance….
    Breifly considered Canton, haing been to college in Potsdam also and having family there, but a six-hour drive is pushing it a little.

  120. Holden? Holy cow, my cousin, recipient of my mother’s fabulous shawl (see my blog), lives there! I’ll have to tell him. Not that he knits or anything.
    I had no idea you had those initials after your name. Wish I had known you and that when I was nursing all those years ago. I needed all the help I could get!

  121. Let me be the 500th person (more or less) to pronounce Skaneateles “skinny atlas”.
    I can’t wait to see you there!

  122. So glad to hear your boobs are where they should be.
    Would love to know if you’re ever going to take them to another continent on this ongoing bookbookbook tour of yours?

  123. Well, in my opinion, your boobies are sure to be fine wherever they are. I’m just so impressed that you’re an IBCLC. Some of your lactation consultant sisters have been so incredibly helpful to me with the ins and outs of breastfeeding my two children. I *heart* IBCLCs. And of course it helps if they’re also knitters. =)

  124. I know you have been just sitting there after posting this giggling to yourself and thinking.. Made you look!!! heheheh
    Needless to say I am wearing a more supportive undergarment today…

  125. oh CRAP! You’ll be at Rhinebeck?!!?! WOO! YAY! I’ll definately make a note to stop by and say hi!!!! We’re totally rockin’ out in the hotel Sat night, so let us know if you wanna hang and get nutty!

  126. Hi Stephanie. My girlfriend gave me your book AT KNIT’S END. TRULY A GREAT READ. My other girlfriend told me last night about your new book, Yarn Harlot. I am going to Border’s Book Store today to purchase this. She also said this was a funny read! I am going to Stitches East in Atlantic City, NJ from 9/22-9/25. She told me that you were going to be there to sign your book….hope to see you at Stitches East, even though I know that the line for you to sign your books will be out the door. Love your books and tell my friends all about you and sometimes buy your books for them JUST BECAUSE!! Have a successful writing life…..we need you, us knitters! Luv ya, Marilyn G. Nastari at mgn81@aol.com. Hope to see you in Atlantic City,,,,even though I am not counting on it.

Comments are closed.