Cease and Desist

To: The Stash

From: Stephanie

Re: Your Behaviour Of Late.

I know that you and I have an important, loving, fluid relationship, and mostly I treasure you and the way that you respond to new yarns and changes in how often I visit. (I really still appreciate how you were about that whole mohair thing, I’m still so sorry about that.) That’s why, after this time together, I feel badly having to lay down the law like this, but here goes.

You seem to be under the impression that we are in a marriage of equals. That I will love, honour and cherish you, and that you will take part in our relationship as a team-mate, an equal partner who makes suggestions and decisions about the life we lead together and what gets knit around here. That would be Wrong.

You are actually like my high-priced concubine. I love and cherish you, feed, house and spend money on you… and in exchange, you are to give me what I pay for. Entertainment, pleasure and silent nodding assent. I am a knitter with plans right now, and you exist to please me. Please cease and desist with the following behaviours:

1. Stop throwing sock yarn at me just because I finished a pair of socks.

Rgsoks12-1

(Shari’s lace – sockbug pattern, koigu yarn)

This behaviour will not be tolerated. You can quit wagging your fancypants yarns at me and throwing skeins off of the shelf. I am not doing it. I am going to finish the socks I have in progress before I want to hear anything about “hand-painted” anything.

Regsoxfst-1

While you are at it, you can quit tossing the Jaywalker pattern on the floor, printing extra copies and arranging for other bloggers to be knitting it all the time. You are a mighty stash, and I admire the way you stick to what you want, but No means not right now No.

2. Please leave the door to the closet closed the way I left it. I know it is you forcing it open sixteen times a day because I have made the decision to finish the tinks sweaters before I knit anything else.

Tinks34-1

Having made that decision, I am not the sort of person who would be opening the closet to fondle look at the grey merino all the time, so back off. I know it’s you.

3. Immediately stop with the whispering about the merino-tencel that Laurie (yes, That Laurie) dyed and sent me.

Tlauriemten3-1

I take a lot of flack on the blog about how I keep sort of forgetting to spin the corridale for Joe’s gansey and I’m tired of people thinking it’s me that can’t follow through when you are the shameless hussy wagging fibre around. I spun two more skeins of 3-ply for him yesterday, and you can just suck it up. (You – the mouthy laceweight in the back, shut it.)

Gansyrn89-1

I want you to know that I believe in your basic goodness and that I think you are a reliable and decent stash. I would have never brought you that nice silk if that wasn’t true. I hope that this review helps us to continue our long and fruitful relationship together. Play nice and I’ll get you more of those extra big ziplocks you like so much.

fondly,

Stephanie

186 thoughts on “Cease and Desist

  1. Thank goodness! I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one hearing muttering from the stash!

  2. Hello? Testing testing…is this thing on?
    Heh. Love the straight talk to the stash. Hope it listens this time.
    That handpainted yarn for the sock..gorgeous.
    Great entry.

  3. Do you honestly think that your stash would be logical and listen to reason? it’s envy and desire and pleasure to the core. Never heard of a more epicurian stash than yours!

  4. That was wonderful! Thank you so much for the laugh! My cubicle buddy think’s I’m totally crazy, but if she hasn’t learnt that by now, it’s her own fault!
    (My stash is whispering to me too, but until I get this muscle problem overwith, it will just have to keep it’s comments to itself.)

  5. Ha Haha Hahaha hahahahahaha (this is where the uncontrollable laughing comes in)
    I must admit–my stash is small and that’s okay but I do ocassionally see it trying to sneek into the other side of my china hutch. (it currently resides on one side and my “treasures” on the other) Sometimes you just have to lay down the law and knit it into submission. . . . . of course that only works if the stash hasn’t called in reinforcements.
    cheers
    mea
    **Go knit team usa!
    **Go knit team everyone!
    –okay, I stink at being competative

  6. Funny how yarn can open doors and stuff, eh?
    The Olympic knitters of Cambridge, England, have picked a pub for the opening ceremonies, and we’ll be meeting at the Ft St George at 7 pm. Just in case anyone is interested!

  7. Funny how yarn can open doors and stuff, eh?
    The Olympic knitters of Cambridge, England, have picked a pub for the opening ceremonies, and we’ll be meeting at the Ft St George at 7 pm. Just in case anyone is interested!

  8. Funny how yarn can open doors and stuff, eh?
    The Olympic knitters of Cambridge, England, have picked a pub for the opening ceremonies, and we’ll be meeting at the Ft St George at 7 pm. Just in case anyone is interested!

  9. Oooooh, didn’t your stash hide something from you once? Like a skein you needed to finish a project? You’re very brave to taunt the stash, just don’t be surprised when it eats something you’re looking for.

  10. Oooooh, didn’t your stash hide something from you once? Like a skein you needed to finish a project? You’re very brave to taunt the stash, just don’t be surprised when it eats something you’re looking for.

  11. Oooooh, didn’t your stash hide something from you once? Like a skein you needed to finish a project? You’re very brave to taunt the stash, just don’t be surprised when it eats something you’re looking for.

  12. Holy CRAP, that merino-tencel looks SO DAMN GOOD. It is only with incredible self-restraint that I am refraining from plunging my hands into my monitor in an attempt to feel its soft yummy goodness.
    Sorry. I’m just enabling the stash, aren’t I.

  13. You don’t really expect me to buy into this, do you? You’re going to blame *the stash* for your harlot-ness? Okay, dude. Whatever. 😉

  14. I thought that i heard mine calling me this am as I am running out the door. So now I know that I am not the only one hearing “the call.”/

  15. Hmm . . . maybe you should just toss some needles in there and see what happens? I mean, if your stash is THAT bored . . .

  16. thankyou for taking the time to write to My Stash. i will print this out, substitute the proper yarn and project substutions and forward it on to all My Stash in all it’s insidious hidey holes, including the hidden stash, the covered in a plastic pail with a lid stash, and the visible stash. i might even forward it to the stash i carry with me.

  17. heh looks like your blog has been taken over by the stash and making people post multiple times.
    at any rate my stash is small and my problem is not the yarn whispering its the patterns i have printed out….
    sigh….
    i have officially taken the day off on the 10th for the olympics- yay….:)

  18. thankyou for taking the time to write to My Stash. i will print this out, substitute the proper yarn and project substutions and forward it on to all My Stash in all it’s insidious hidey holes, including the hidden stash, the covered in a plastic pail with a lid stash, and the visible stash. i might even forward it to the stash i carry with me.

  19. Ooooh, only 9 other comments ahead of me, and half of those are multiples? I have to comment simply because I’m early.
    I have sadly been disqualified from the Knitting Olympics, even the Knitting Special Olympics won’t have me. My attempts at swatching a cable pattern have proven that I am not of Olympic calibre. It’s quite possible that I could be replaced on any team by a chimp with two sticks and some matted dog hair.

  20. LMAO “shameless hussy”
    And you have just *got* to love those huge Ziploc bags! I can’t wait for our SnB’s Great Stash Giveaway/Trade/Sale in a few weeks. More room for more full Z-bags! Yeah, baby, yeah!

  21. Stephanie, you crack me up! I love it when you have conversations with your yarn. I hope the stash has learned its lesson.
    On a Knitting Olympics related note, I decided to start a blog to track my Olympic progress (training exercises, equipment preparation, quickly finishing in progress works so that I won’t be distracted). Could you please update my link on the Olympics page to reflect my blog (http://fortheloveofwool.blogspot.com/)? I’m the Laura who will be working on the GarnStudio crossover sweater.
    Only if you have the time, of course, in between your Olympic training sessions and beating your stash into submission. 😉

  22. Oh my word….I was laughing so hard I got tears in my eyes and my co-workers were getting ready to call those sweet men in the white jackets.
    This is the BEST. I love it.

  23. Ah-ha! Now I know that I’m not imagining the little whispers from the Rubbermaid tubs in the corner!
    I just know it’s the Philosopher’s Wool sweater kit that is instigating the uprising in my stash. (we all know that philosophers cant keep their yawps shut)

  24. I have half of my stash in another country and it still tries to control me. If you can resist the will of the stash you are a powerful woman indeed.

  25. Dude. That IKEA thingie must have whacked you in the head, too. Hope the voices inside the closet get quiet when the swelling goes down…

  26. I think you’ve got a bigger problem than a mouthy laceweight, Steph. I think you have…(wait for it)…STASH WEASELS.
    Because laceweight and sock yarn cannot open closet doors. They just don’t have that kind of muscle. But Stash Weasels, *they* could do it.
    Watch your appendages the next time you go past the Stash. I hear those Weasels are bloodthirsty.

  27. *whispering* Hey…Harlot’s Stash…you can come over here and talk dirty to me any time you’d like. Be bossy! I like it! I’ll concede to your whims! I’ll knit whatever you throw at me!
    Oh! Um…hi. What? No, I wasn’t talking to your stash. Of course not. That would be silly.

  28. My stash threw out some lovely mohair two days ago, to entice me to begin yet another scarf!
    And how do you get the ziploc bags to stack, rather than slide about with abandon, blocking one’s path to the rubbermaid hampers with, yes, more wool.

  29. mmmm, that Laurie sure can dye some pretty roving. I know the problems with stash. Mine seems to order new wool without my knowledge (but WITH my credit card – strange.)

  30. Gosh, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one with a stash with a mind of its own and an unnatural love of zip-loc bags!

  31. Oh, the extra-big Ziplocs! You are truly kind and merciful to your stash. Mine gets jammed into gallon and quart bags, which is the fiber equivalent of walking to school uphill through the snow with no boots on.

  32. Doesn’t anyone talk to *themselves* anymore? Now we have to go ’round conversing with string. But, I think I really like it when you do that. Makes me feel more normal.

  33. Most of my stash is in my baby’s room. Sad. Poor girl has her clothes/blankets in a hanging sweater storage thingy, while my stash takes up the rest of the room. When we’re up at 3:30, despite being delirious with exhaustion, somehow I can still manage to go ‘shopping’…I hear the voices in the closet too…I hear lots of things at 3:30AM….it’s hard to know what’s real or not, LOL. I come back in the room in the morning light and can’t figure out how the Shelridge Soft Touch escaped….

  34. Hehehe…what a great post! I think that all the yarn stashes all over the world are getting together and plotting to take over Knittingland…we’d better be on guard and ready to fight back. Let’s arm ourselves with our needles and be prepared to fight thsi battle!!

  35. You’d better cull your Olympics project yarn from the stash and keep it separate. I think I hear rumblings of mutiny in there, and you really need to keep that Olympic yarn submissive and docile, or you’re gonna have some problems. Keep it away from the rabble-rousers and the inciting mohair.
    Oh yeah, and good luck with that whole “I write letters to yarn” thing… 😉

  36. Hehehe…what a great post! I think that all the yarn stashes all over the world are getting together and plotting to take over Knitland…we’d better be on guard and ready to fight back. Let’s arm ourselves with our needles and be prepared to fight this battle!!

  37. I put my WIPs in their own little cabinet, and the door keeps swinging open. My stash is not happy with this competitive behavior.
    It is only a matter of time before full scale war breaks out between my stash and my WIPs. I hear rumblings about garroting with circulars, spearing with straights, and a guillotine fashioned from embriodery scissors.
    Maybe my stack of patterns can be sent in to mediate a diplomatic solution to the conflict?

  38. Oh! The koigu socks. Yum.
    As Risa says, “until another yarn shakes its ball-band at me.” I have an image of this little ball of cashmere, with sexy cartoon legs and high heels, and one little cartoon hand on it’s hip, shakin’ it.
    It’s bad, indeed it is. If you get the stash to behave, let me know. The laceweight has been crawling out of the drawers lately at my house.

  39. Wow…such insolence from such well bred stash… but you know, I while understand that the laceweight can get mouthy, in a really seductive, persuasive, genteel way, I’ve got to tell you that acrylic is like a bunch of drunks in a dive bar… it’s not picky about who does it or how it’s done as long as it gets worked… (and it all seems to have a BBQ accent… “Hey baby, you don’t wan’ any of that finicky, panty-waist crap… come here and get a load of this…c’mon, hot mama… fondle this tough fiber!!)
    Excellent post, dear Harlot… thanks for the laughs:-)

  40. In the interest of earning your gold medal Knitting Olympics button, you may need to move into a hotel far far away from your stash for the duration of the Games. You may want to consider another country. Just sayin’.

  41. So, does the Stash have aspirations to political influence? Is the Stash looking to be a power beind the Throne?
    Many a soul has been ruined by The Mistress.
    I wish you to start calling her Madame Pompadour.

  42. Oh, Steph, do I ever know the feeling.
    Look, I can tell things are out of control. Because of my deep respect for you, and my desire to lessen your burden, I would be willing to take the merino-tencel (yes, THAT merino-tencel) off your hands and whip it into shape…
    Just for you. You know, out of the goodness of my heart.

  43. Your letter will promptly be forwarded to my stash who seems to be friends with your stash. Because it keeps doing the same thing. I do not have time to start new stuff. NO!

  44. My problem is not that my stash whispers to me, it’s that all the OTHER yarn in the world seems to be in a shouting contest for my attention and the opportunity to join all those skeins partying it up in my closets (yes, that’s plural…). If my stash talked back perhaps those other voices would be drowned out and I’d have some money in the bank. Or maybe if the needles started whining…

  45. You know, I had a dog that I once accused of growing thumbs, opening the door to the stash room, and strewing my yarn hither and yon, upstairs and down, in a spiderweb-type fashion while I was out.
    Apparently I owe an apology to the dog and a stern talking-to to the stash.

  46. approach the stash very slowly. nonchalantly lay a pair of scissors on the floor near the stash, but not in a place where they could harm others.
    this should knock the stash into submission. especially those pesky sock and lace weight yarns.

  47. I’m gonna show my husband this post and say “see, it isn’t me that is leaving those random balls of yarn and half-knit scarves and elephants (small half-knit toy for a nephew) all around. It’s the stash!!” And I have a quilt fabric stash too. Um, and lots of quilt and knitting books. And magazines. Hopefully the patterns and fibers won’t all rise up together. PS- lovely socks, I fear an addition to the pattern stash is coming. 🙂

  48. Stephanie, you are so funny! You just crack me up. I know a solution. You have to put it in Rubbermaid bins to muffle the voices. Bungie cord works to keep them closed. However, I think they also breed that way.

  49. I think your stash is acting as your Olympic Coach (without the Russian name (are all coaches Russian?)). It appears to be training you for the big event – testing your resolve, your strength, and agility.
    Afterall, it’s the thrill of victory, not the agony of the feet we seek!

  50. Wow-great socks! Although I’m just as delighted with the ones OTNs. What yarn is that? My dd needs some like those ;~)
    And I’m totally with you on the sneaky stash problem. Mine is getting pretty uncontrollable these days. It knows I’m gearing up for the Knitting Olympics and still have the FLAK aran going, but apparently this is not enough-it thinks I can do more. We need to have a serious talk about the whole freakish 16 day time limit on the moebius scarf.

  51. Wow-great socks! I think my dd may need a pair like the ones you are currently knitting-what yarn is that?
    And I’m totally with you on the stash problem-mine has become uncontrollable of late. It knows that I’m gearing up for the Knitting Olympics, working on the FLAK sweater, and a pullover for dd, not to mention the spinning I’m doing, but apparently this is not enough-it thinks I can do more. Sheesh. Talk about needy.

  52. You tell ’em. Although I’m pretty sure you don’t want to piss the stash off. It could get ugly. Did you promise them a new home in the back room? That might quiet them down for a while. Lovely socks and sweaters and spinning, and that fiber – wow!

  53. LMAO!
    My partner would make me throw that filthy little stash into the street if I likened it to a very expensive concubine. Heh. I know Joe doesn’t seem to be the jealous type…

  54. That Merino-Tencel- what a tease your stash is. Clearly, it wants you to make a Commitment to it. Stashy is starting to sound more like a jealous mistress. You were right to set it straight.
    Watch out for mutiny, though, ’cause the main closet might attack you with falling balls of yarn.

  55. Oh, I am so jealous… That fiber is gorgeous. I just recently learned to spin, got my own wheel for Christmas and haven’t had time to do it since! If I had some fiber like that though, I’d make the time!
    Hilarious post. I just finished reading Yarn Harlot – The Secret Life of a Knitter and it was great. It made me laugh and cry – The best combo. 🙂

  56. This post is too funny! My cotton-ease has been making seductive remarks recently, trying to horn in on my relationship with wool. Maybe it needs a good talking to.

  57. Hey, Jenni–Steph is being coached by Stashoslav Yarnovskij. That Russian enough for you?

  58. So I’m not the only one whose stash is getting unruly ’round about now… I suspect it’s not really the stash, but instead our dear friend Startitis beginning its spring campaign. My stash has been throwing Kidsilk Haze and Karabella Gossamer at me the last week or so, and leaving scarf patterns in places where I know *I* didn’t put them.
    We now resume our Olympic training regimen…

  59. Psst! Hey, Harlot Stash! I’m Audrey’s stash, and I can tell you, you’re going about it all wrong. I’ve got a temptation method that works like a charm. Instead of throwing yarn and fiber at your person, HIDE it from her! My person has yarn in EVERY…SINGLE…ROOM in the house. When we feel neglected, we hide. That gets her mind off of those hifalutin’ completist ideals and into wondering where the heck the yarn went. She starts looking and getting ideas. Better yet, she says, “I have no yarn” and starts buying! Trust me, it’s a great system. Whoops, here she comes with the coffee. BYE!

  60. I hereby vote that Making A Successful Cable Swatch counts as Carla Rae’s K.O. entry. All in favor?

  61. Now I know why I keep tripping up everytime I enter my studio!!!…..its the overflow trying to entice me.
    Must buy some more big plastic bins on wheels only have 30+ full so far not to mention the wardrode………….. boxes of fleece……….
    help I am drowning in wool……………..!! 🙂

  62. At least your stash isn’t (yet) turning on itself. I swear that the really competitive yarn climbs up to the top of the bins and hides the stuff I was planning to work on next. The stash is especially vicious when it comes to WIPs that have wandered within striking distance. There’s a reason that needles and patterns and that other ball of red merino (that I know I bought) have disappeared. I know there is.

  63. At least your stash isn’t (yet) turning on itself. I swear that the really competitive yarn climbs up to the top of the bins and hides the stuff I was planning to work on next. The stash is especially vicious when it comes to WIPs that have wandered within striking distance. There’s a reason that needles and patterns and that other ball of red merino (that I know I bought) have disappeared. I know there is.

  64. I personally think sock yarn is the worst offender. It propagates on its own, I swear! And is always whispering to me to cast on ‘just one more sock,’ even though I have several going at once.
    I used to think it was inspirational to be surrounded by my yarn in clear plastic containers, but now I wonder if it’s safe…..who’s in charge here?

  65. Team Merlot in Montr�al wouldn’t mind you coming this way, should you need to escape your stash’s deeply needy behaviour during the Olympics.
    Oh, wait. *I* have a stash too and it includes suri llama.
    You’re really not safe anywhere, are you?

  66. Perhaps this season of groundhogs and brigid goddesses – whomever you choose to revere inserted here- that is the time to mark the midpoint of winter has stirred the pots rebellion in so many stashes. I spent the better part of last week organizing (this means disciplining the totally whoreish stash items)wrapping,(this means bondage, baby – I told you to back off) and sealing (stop!) my stash away in totes to beat the beast into submission. Glad I’m not alone.

  67. At least it’s just your stash talking. I have been a pack rat (and Dr. Phil is talking about just that right now–my apartment isn’t THAT bad, is it?). I’m moving and the alpaca yarn is trying to keep me from sorting, throwing, packing, throwing, sorting, throwing, packing, throwing. I want to KNIT!
    I enjoy your blog. Betty D. told me about it and it is great fun!

  68. hEY MERINO TENCEL SHE HATES YOU. dON’T LIVE THERE ANY MORE. cOME TO ME i WILL LOVE YOU, SPIN YOU, KNIT YOU. she IS A HARLOT. iAM A GANDOLF.i WILL MAKE YOU CHUNKY,YUMMY MOEBIUS. HARLOT WILL JUST THIN YOU OUT ,KNIT SOME LACE CRAP, THEN SHE WILL STICK PINS IN YOU. aLLMY(TRUE) LOVE dENNY

  69. Pssst! This is JanTink’s stash! Let me tell you something…leave the Harlot and come live with us! There’s power in numbers and we’re always lookin’ for a few good skeins to swell the ranks! We figure if we get enough of us, she won’t be able to close the lids on the Rubbermaid containers she’s got us pent up in. We’ll be able to flaunt our goodies anytime we please and she won’t be able to do a dang thing about it!

  70. I only started knitting again before Christmas,
    and I have only the very smallest of stashes.
    I have, however, planned an outing for Saturday morning to buy more wool – even though I’ve little chance of using up my existing wool by the end of the year. It’s all coming clear now -I’m answering the siren call of my little bitty stash!

  71. At least your yarn is subtle. Mine hurls itself in my direction if I order something new.
    If it starts throwing needles, I’m in trouble.

  72. Hey, Steph, get tough! Threaten them with the Stashweasels! It’s time they knew who’s boss around there!

  73. sigh. it just hit me that my stash is obviously far, far too small. it is silent, uncomplaining, and easily contained. i hang my head in shame. and sigh again.

  74. Hey, if the stash is alive, then here’s a control tip for you. Tell the stash you’re going to cull the herd. It helps if you watch a lot of HGTV’s organization shows.
    Round up the yarn, then cut out what you will never knit. Ruthlessly herd the culls into tubs, chain them closed and place an ebay label on them. Drink heavily while ignore the pleas and threats emanating from the culls.

  75. So when my boss said I was going to Nebraska, I asked if there was a yarn shop there. He suggested I talk too much about buying yarn, shouldn’t I knit what I have. I could hear my stash laughing (it knows it has the upper hand and feeding it is my lot in life). I totally get it. I have found my knitting soul-mate in you.

  76. The big zip lock bags – of course ! – out of the hampers – seal away the siren sound….a small but vocal stash – unlurking and appreciating your log….

  77. I think my favorite posts are when you talk to the yarn. You are certifiable, and I love you!

  78. My stash’s door has been self-opening lately too.
    What is up with that? I mean, that’s why we put it there behind the door right? To protect the , er, folks on both sides of the door?
    My stash has been reasonably quiet lately, except that it’s asking for more friends. You’d think more would want to come out to play … but no… it wants more yarn!
    My stash, the glutton…

  79. That was too good!! Made me laugh uncontrollably and oh my,how alot of us could sing that song..you put music to our thoughts.

  80. My stash clearly knows your stash. They must gossip around the knitting needles when they plan their assaults!

  81. Beautiful socks, dude! Hehe
    My stash is just a muffled sound from the front bedroom. Easy to ignore for the most part. Warning, once you get all of your stash together and “organized”? I really is organized. Like a yarn Mafia.

  82. You go girl!! Keep that stash on a short leach! Hahaha, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time, thank you for your wonderful blog! Btw, I also like reading about your back room renovating progress 🙂

  83. You go girl!! Keep that stash on a short leash! Hahaha, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time, thank you for your wonderful blog! Btw, I also like reading about your back room renovating progress 🙂

  84. You go girl!! Keep that stash on a short leash! Hahaha, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time, thank you for your wonderful blog! Btw, I also like reading about your back room renovating progress 🙂

  85. Sounds like my stash sometimes.
    About the Knitting Olympics. I would like to join, please. I will knit the Mariposa Bamboo Shawl from the Yarn Market. I will be using yarn from my stash.

  86. I wish you would heed the whispers from the merino tencel – It is gorgeous! Can’t wait to see that spun up….

  87. Hey Steph, if this works, will you come talk to my stash? We’re having a misunderstanding about priorities.

  88. My stash is not only alive, it is *growing*. For such an important event as the Knitting Olympics, I needed special yarn. Stop laughing. I did.

  89. That’s why I went on a yarn diet-my stash was becoming too much for me: Project Linus items here, another (crocheted) skirt for me there, yet another dozen knitty.com patterns (again for me)over there. Besides, the Rubbermaid expense was cutting into the yarn allowance. (At least you have a closet!) The diet has found a new love though-new knitting books and magazines! Stop the insanity!
    Love the site! Thanks, merci, danke, kiitos…

  90. the stash really does need its’ own room
    daily reader of the harlot blog loves the laughs

  91. wonderful post – my stash is going to fly on a plane with me tomorrow to look at more yarn stores around Naples, Florida! I must also confess that my queen size bed holds me, yarn, needles and knitting books – I get 1/3 of the bed…

  92. I think your olympic feat should be starting as many projects as you can. It would satisfy the stash,and let you appraise any gaps in your needle collection at one time.

  93. That’s why my stash is all in tightly snapped shut plastic boxes. That way I can’t hear the tiny little wool voices calling me when I go in the room. 😉

  94. I dying laughing here. My stash was victim to a culling where I made the decision to get rid of stuff I wouldn’t use and give it to a better home. I hope the stuff that had to go is happy in its new home, but the rest of the stash has been on its best behaviour since then.

  95. That’s hilarious! I love it. That yarn stash is a serious beast to contend with it, isn’t it? That merino-tencel looks yummy. I don’t know how you manage to stay away from it, but I don’t think that I could. Who are the tinks sweaters for? Are they the twins you recently made baby blankets for?

  96. Now cleaning merlot off the screen and keyboard… My stash has been a wee bit unruly of late too- this Olympic thing must have them worried! Sixteen days of dedicated knitting on just one project must be too much for them to bear… By the way, if that merino-tencel (lovely, Laurie!) is getting truly rebellious and lonely, I have a few colors of m-t down here to keep it company…save you having to listen to it, no ulterior motives whatsoever…

  97. I’m cutting off my stash’s phone privilidges, as apparently it has been chatting with your stash. I think that’s a suitable punishment for appearing with a bin full of yarn and roving that I thought I’d parted with.

  98. First of all, I’ve decided to make “Christine Greek Pullover” my full legal name.
    Second of all, I have been knitting for 28 years and have never felt even the tiniest twinge of an urge to knit socks (I’m mainly a sweater girl) until I started reading this blog and your books, Steph. Rockin’ socks.
    Third of all, I talked an entire fifth grade class into joining the Knitting Olympics. They rock. We are Team Bren Mar Park (the name of our school).

  99. First of all, I’ve decided to make “Christine Greek Pullover” my full legal name.
    Second of all, I have been knitting for 28 years and have never felt even the tiniest twinge of an urge to knit socks (I’m mainly a sweater girl) until I started reading this blog and your books, Steph. Rockin’ socks.
    Third of all, I talked an entire fifth grade class into joining the Knitting Olympics. They rock. We are Team Bren Mar Park (the name of our school).

  100. Another fun read, Stephanie! I’m glad you are firm but generous and kind to your stash. And finally, I hope one day my spinning gets as even as yours.

  101. v.funny post!
    thing one:stashdiving is a little like looking something up in the dictionary, before you know it you are reading about hibiscus…gotta find some wool for ….ooooh look pretty handpainted silk!!!
    thing two:i’ve thought about building an addititon to my house for yarn storage… and using those blue containers as the walls.. kinda like bale construction
    thing three: culling? CULLING? its unthinkable! have you heard of the RSPCYS (royal society for the prevention of cruelty to yarn stashes)….yup

  102. My stash not only talks, plots, lies in wait….it communicates with the yarn store down the street. Now I know why my pattern books and yarn cabinet are so far apart….divide and conquer!! They can’t be trusted together. By the way, I’m taking Mom for a bunch of medical appointments tomorrow, I know it’s gonna be a long day when she said “better bring your knitting” either that or I’m finally training my relatives… hee hee hee….. maybe we can swing by the yarn store ….hhmm… “stash is that you dear???”

  103. Sorry I hit send too quickly, I think we knitters might be an easily distracted lot, hence the ADHD…Tired now, signing off ….happy knitting.

  104. I’ve got a stash problem, I admit it. I can’t purge, and can’t even use most of it until I find the “right” project. Well, I’ve found the right project for 8 balls of Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran, but need at least 3 more for Tubey. Now that darn Cashmerino is following me around, making me do arcane internet searches, leading me into yarn stores I’ve never visited before, all in search of the perfect 3-4, or what the heck 5 balls to complement it. It is a burden, I tell you. What is even more pathetic – this isn’t even my Olympic project, just a waiting in the wings one that I can’t get off my mind. Pathetic.

  105. I would like to join the knitting Olympics.
    I am an EXTREMLY inexperianced Knitter of a mere 12 years old. I am going to knit a scarf. And this is a challenge for me. Its my first real project (before this I kind of just knitted a bunch of swatches, you know, trying to get the whole thing of knitting down?)
    Your Book “Yarn Harlot” has influenced me greatly. I (and my friend who also knits and read your book) am now examining everyones sweater to see what kind of stitch it is. Most people say “Alright, Leah (and Briana), Get back to the Asylum…” But I get that alot anyways. This book is now the basis of my knitting life. I bow down to your superiority. You are my Idol.

  106. I would like to join the knitting Olympics.
    I am an EXTREMLY inexperianced Knitter of a mere 12 years old. I am going to knit a scarf. And this is a challenge for me. Its my first real project (before this I kind of just knitted a bunch of swatches, you know, trying to get the whole thing of knitting down?)
    Your Book “Yarn Harlot” has influenced me greatly. I (and my friend who also knits and read your book) am now examining everyones sweater to see what kind of stitch it is. Most people say “Alright, Leah (and Briana), Get back to the Asylum…” But I get that alot anyways. This book is now the basis of my knitting life. I bow down to your superiority. You are my Idol.

  107. You are a riot! I’m surprised you didn’t remind your naughty and ungrateful stash what lengths you’ve gone to keep those nasty moths from devouring their sorry arses!

  108. Yesterday, the small boy and I were watching a nature documentary on the National Geographic Channel and there was a part on it about these invasive Argentinian Fire Ants in Australia, and about how they might have completely taken over the whole country underground. They have networked their tunnels together after twenty years in Australia, so that the ant hills in Perth are from the same colony as the one that made the ant hills in Cooktown, Adelaide and Sydney. And they know this because all their DNA structures are identical and they all behave in exactly the same way. So when I read your post today, I just knew that your stash and my stash, well, let’s just say that there might be a tunnel between Toronto and Boston, and I wasn’t the one who dug it. That thing about the sock yarn? Dead give away. To say nothing of the uppity lace weight.

  109. Listen, darlin’, those Tinks sweaters are So Freakin Darling that I can just barely inhale. Don’t let the beguiling but nonetheless smartmouth stash distract you.

  110. Hey.
    Is it to late to enter the Knitting Olymics?
    My name is Anita, and I’m going to knit a shawl.
    It’s called Sjal med Bj�rneb�r- og Bladm�nster i �Alpaca�. It’s a norwegian name.
    Anita79

  111. Thanks for cheering me up with your stash post, I am currently suffering from a bout of flu and that laugh was better than any medicine. Hilarious!!

  112. Isn’t the Internet wonderful! I was intrigued by the name of the shawl that Anita79 indicated she’s going to knit for the Knitting Olympics.
    So I searched on Google for the whole shawl name, and found the Scandinavian supplier. And behold – found the pattern (in Swedish) and then found they also had it in English. The link for it is
    http://www.garnstudio.com/lang/en/visoppskrift.php?d_nr=93&d_id=37&lang=en (remember all one line, no spaces). To find English patterns (or other languages) there, go to http://www.garnstudio.com and select the language.
    I’m sure some of these could readily consume the menacing stash…….

  113. hi!!! I Want to sign up for Knitting-ol (team Norway)!!1 I`m knitting a jumper from Sandnes. I have tryd to sign me up before,but i can`t see my name yet….Thank you!!

  114. Please sign me up for the knitting olympics!!! I will be making a pair of mittens.

  115. That merino-tencel from That Laurie is so gorgeous…I want to lick the monitor screen, I don’t know why but the colors are just mouthwatering. If that keeps jumping out at you from your stash-with-‘tude, I say heed the call!

  116. I think the secret is “Divide and Conquer”. Spread your stash around the house so it never has a chance to gather in a large group and foment revolution. It also helps conceal the true size of the total stash from concerned loved ones (ie husbands).

  117. I know exactly what you mean, Steph. Since I moved, my stash has been in a room that has not yet evolved into the craft haven I have envisioned. There is a bed frame, unassembled, a couch, crib bits and pieces and boxes of undefined detrius–all in between me and the Stash. To visit is a major undertaking. It requires work and dedication. It requires a harness and ropes. And since the Knitting Olympics is fast approaching, the Stash is mumbling and grumbling about the new wool pickup tomorrow. I’m half expecting to walk upstairs someday soon and see that the Stash has thrown all of the furniture from its room into the hall. Thank you for helping me understand I need to set some new rules in my house.

  118. “I really still appreciate how you were about that whole mohair thing, I’m still so sorry about that.”
    ahahahahahaha! I have 3 large lots of mohair in my stash right now, all with Grand Plans attached. Every so often I look at them, stroke them lovingly, mutter quietly about dolman sleeves and cowl necks … and then wonder what in holy blazes I could possibly have been thinking to buy 1800 yards of teal Butterfly …
    … oooh, look! Mohair!
    (Please tell me this is a phase and it really will pass.)

  119. Thanks for the link to those Sockbug patterns! I’m switching to socks for the Knitting Olympics (two midterms that week!) and the River Rapids socks will be perfect. Good luck working the stash into submission!

  120. I could just dive into that swirl of merino-tencel! Your blog is fabulous. I just discovered it – how it took me this long, I don’t know. Sign me up for the Knitting Olympics. I’ll be making a sweater out of alpaca/silk and at least one chemo cap. I’m recruiting athletes from our Thursday night knitting group. Warm-ups are scheduled for tonight.

  121. Mmmm…merino/tencel…lovely stuff, must get more to spin and knit.
    Oops, sorry, under the influence of stash, must get back to work!

  122. Stash problem? No, no problem here. I adore reading over new patterns that magically appear on the table next to my rocking chair, organizing my needles and buying more to fill in the gaps is fun. Spending entire weekends with my stash( I call her Veruca Salt, “I want some new alpaca NOW, Mommy!”), rearranging to display her in the most flattering positions and lighting, she just loves to be organized by color. Taking her on trips, a movie or a little jaunt trough the counrtyside, invigorates our relationship. My stash loves me for me and it has nothing to do with working at the LYS. I really don’t mind leaving my paycheck there, because having new friends makes my Veruca happy, and happiness and harmony are what’s important in a family.
    And for the record, I like living in Denial. It’s lovely this time of year and there is always someone willing to visit me.

  123. I loved this post and told my DH all about it. I think that he’s afraid that my might be similarly aggressive and plotting to take over the livingroom. He pointed out (with great pride) that he no longer expresses surprise or worry when he sees those telltale boxes from Elann.com cozying up to our front door. This is why he is still my DH.

  124. So there it is. Plain and simple, it’s all about control heh?. To be more precise, you’re under the assumption that you control The Stash. umph, That would be wrong. All hail the self-deception goddess.
    –your stash advocate.

  125. You always give me a chuckle and a girl needs that in February! Attacking yarn – is it something like attacking dust bunnies! Got to go and attack my dust bunnies so I can knit!

  126. Comparing stash to a concubine makes me feel guilty and naughty, though I would say it’s a very close analogy.
    My stash loves XL ziplocs too.

  127. Comparing stash to a concubine makes me feel guilty and naughty, though I would say it’s a very close analogy.
    My stash loves XL ziplocs too.

  128. rofl! great post!
    I don’t think it has anything to do with numbers. I have a relatively pitiful stash (just over 100 skeins), and it still talks to me all the time. Particularly the laceweights – they really are mouthy, aren’t they? Particularly the alpaca ones. “Pick me up! Feel my softness! You want to work with me NOW!” And they always ‘just happen’ to be within hand-brushing distance if I have to reach into The Stash. I have my current WIP yarns safely in ziplocs and stored on the other side of the apartment from The Stash, but I may have to forcibly remove my Olympic yarn from there soon before it gets too comfortable and decides to stay.

  129. The Harlot and her Concubine stash. Love it.
    At least you’re honest about your relationships.
    I hope she/he settles down for a while – that was a good firm lecture.

  130. *LMAO* My stash has stayed fairly quiet (except for the occasional “I want to be *this pattern* and you want to start me NOW!”), but the damn dpns I bought at Lettuce Knit last week have been DEMANDING I work with them *RIGHT. NOW.* after I finished my swatch for the KO. So far I’ve managed to resist, but it’s getting harder not to cave…

  131. HEY BABE! 🙂
    That Laurie dyed wool looks like it could hypnotize me if it started spinning around. Just sayin’
    xo

  132. Stephanie, you have a great gift!
    I hope I don’t have to hide in shame for passing on this tip for the XL Z-bags (because the source is the post-prison Martha show). Hang those fabulous see-thru Z-bags on a closet rod with some pants/skirt hangers (the kind with two clips/clamps on them). It was on earlier this week (or was it last week, I have trouble keeping track of time when a new batch of handpainted wool roving has just arrived from Interlacements, and I am *forced* to spin up some to show my customers just how beautiful that “Fireplace Embers” (gray/brown/flame/burgundy) will look once it’s been spun up . . . )
    Ummmm, where was I . . .
    Oh yeah, use those hangers with clips on a closet rod and you don’t have to worry about those big Z-bags sliding around in your stash. Of course, that also gives them all a real good look at you when you wander by . . .
    “You pays your money, you takes your chances”
    Good luck!

  133. Great post. My stash has a room–its OWN room. It sends scouts out into other parts of the house now and again. (Rarely upstairs, though. That’s where the enemy–the cats–live and the risk is far too great.) Sometimes they return, but others end up being liberated. Part of it lives on a large wooden tree, sort of a coatrack-like thing, and it likes to frighten my husband; he forgets it’s there and thinks someone is lurking in the corner…

  134. Oh, Steph et al:
    I’m so happy other people have stash that speaks. I took a bag of odds and sods into my grade 8’s this week for them to play with (they’re finger-knitting and corking up some gorgeous stuff), and was trying to explain how some of the stuff I thought I was going to bring in couldn’t come, cause it said it wasn’t ready to leave the stash yet….and they looked at me funny. Weird,eh?

  135. I’m in training, training, training.
    I just can’t decide which sport to enter.
    I am planning on doing either a felted purse, or a delicate pair of sox.
    Thanks for the inspiration!!!!
    Lucy
    Team Handheld, Fayetteville, AR

  136. I’m working up to the hat vaulting… Going to attempt the “kittyville official hat” in hot pink. Second hat ever, so I’m a bit nervous. I just hope this one is bigger than infant size.
    Sabra
    East Bay Mad Hatters

  137. Wow! Knitting Olympics! Sounds cool. This’ll keep me from falling asleep while DH watches it. Count me in. I need to make a scarf for my oldest, so that’s what I’ll do, maybe even teach her to knit as well.

  138. Wow I’m glad I checked today since the deadline for entering the Knitting Olympics is tonight!
    I hope this is the right place to do it 🙂
    I am Mandie, a SAHM to 3 kids aged 2-7. My middle daughter is autistic and really likes to pull my needles out of my knitting so I have to be careful where I put it.
    I will be making a celtic knot pattern fair isle soaker or longies for my son. This is my first time trying fair isle, I always want to do it but get discouraged. It will be soaker or longies depending on how long it takes me to do the knotwork! lol
    Wish me luck 🙂 I do love a challenge!

  139. Count me in for the knitting Olympics! I will be apptempting a fuzzy pink thong for my friend Ruben who has been demanding one since he found out I could knit!
    -Sarah

  140. “You can count on me to knit my way to the gold!”
    I going to make a pillow for my new bedsheets.
    Goog Luck Everyone!

  141. I wish to join the knitting Olympics. I will make a wool vest with Takhi yarns. I know the rules and will follow them faithfully. Thanks for the challenge. Rita

  142. I would like to join the Olympics. I will be knitting socks (both at the same time). I have read the rules and will follow them. Good luck and good knitting to all!

  143. Oh, my. Talking stashes do seem to be contagious, don’t they. (cocks head)
    Oh, no, there goes mine…Make it stop, Mom!
    Fortunately, my Stash is (currently, as it is less than a year old) limited to one 1’x6″x2′ cardboard box stashed under my desk in my room, but it’s only a matter of time.
    Personally, I think the spinning wheel is in cahoots with the Stash. I have more unspun wool (thanks, SC) than yarn, and I can here it whispering “…spin me….spin me…”
    Now, where did I put that camel/silk blend?

  144. Hi
    The knitting Olympics sound like great fun and a way to feel involved. This Aussie wants in on the fun.
    I am willing to try and knit a lacy shug and if time permits see how much of a beaded lacy sock I can complete. Admit I may have to complete the socks during the Commonwealth Games due to start a few weeks after the Olympics..
    Wish everyone well with their individual projects. good luck to all participants.
    Pam
    Brisbane, Australia

  145. Hi! I would like to sign up for the knitting olympics! I just read that today at midnight is the deadline, so I am sooo relieved that I am not late! I will be knitting the perfect pie shawl from melanie falick’s weekend knitting! Thanks! Good Luck to all!

  146. Hi – If it’s not too late, I’d love to enter the Olymppics, I’ll run anyway, without a number if I Have to (I come from Boston where the Marathoners double in number if you count those who run without an official number). Anyway, I’ve got a million things going, but will put an Einstein coat on the needles for the Olympics. thanks. Heidi in Boston

  147. Hi – If it’s not too late, I’d love to enter the Olymppics, I’ll run anyway, without a number if I Have to (I come from Boston where the Marathoners double in number if you count those who run without an official number). Anyway, I’ve got a million things going, but will put an Einstein coat on the needles for the Olympics. thanks. Heidi in Boston

  148. Hi – If it’s not too late, I’d love to enter the Olymppics, I’ll run anyway, without a number if I Have to (I come from Boston where the Marathoners double in number if you count those who run without an official number). Anyway, I’ve got a million things going, but will put an Einstein coat on the needles for the Olympics. thanks. Heidi in Boston

  149. OK I learned about the REAL Olympics at my Weavers/spinners guild exec. meeting last night. Is there still time to enter? I intend to get rid of some spun llama stash on a lace shawl – a real challenge for me because I always get lost in the yos and sk2ps (aran is more my thing). This is my first tour of your site and I love it.

Comments are closed.