Betrayal of Grenyrn

Screw knitting. It’s a fickle mistress and I’ve freaking had it. I’ve just about finished the Grenyrn sweater, finished enough to baste together the shoulder seams and find out that I’m SCREWED.

The *&^%$ing sweater doesn’t fit. It doesn’t. This time I refuse to accept that it is not personal. I know, I know. I talk all the time about how you can’t let this stuff get to you. That gauge and knitting and patterns and all of that is all just for fun and you have to take your lumps and I’ve even waxed poetic about how knitting is consequence free and how it’s the only time you’ll make mistakes that don’t count and it’s LIES. ALL LIES. Last night when the panoptic nature of the sweaters betrayal was revealed to me I threw a complete hissy fit. This sweater is out to get me and I think the yarn is in on it too.

The bust is too small, even though, in what is possibly a first for me, I have effortlessly achieved both stitch and row gauge to perfection.

Stitchgaugegrenyrn2

Grenyrnrowgag3

Not perfection on some lying stinking swatch, but perfection in the actual knitted garment. Stitch and row gauge. How often does that happen? Wasted. Spectacular gauge accuracy, wasted.

Since my gauge is right but the sweater bust is wrong, I’m willing to consider….

Bustthesamegrn2

Nope. My bust is the same as it was a week ago. I have not gained several cup sizes in a week.

In addition to the bust being too small, the arms are too short. This really ticks me off. I have shortened the sleeves of every sweater that I have ever knitted. Due to the somewhat petite nature of my arms – (Fine. They are stumpy.) I routinely whack 5-8cm off of my sleeves. All the time. Every sweater. Always. Forever.

This time (perhaps sensing the duplicitous plan of the sweater) I only subtracted about 3cm. It would piss me off royally if the sleeves were now 3cm too short, but it has incensed me to vicious purple wrath that they are actually about 7cm too short. This means that they wouldn’t have worked even if I hadn’t tried to fix them.

In case you were thinking that anything about the sweater was working, the torso is also too short. I suspected this too. I kept holding it up and saying “Hey Joe, doesn’t this look short?” and then Joe would say “Baby, you look short” – and I would keep knitting. Fool.

Trust your instincts, that’s what I always say, and my instincts said “You are getting jerked around by a sweater. Stop now.” but did I stop? No, no. I knit faster, since you know…You can outrun truth.

Grenyrnnot3

The whole thing is too small. Way too freaking small. Given the style of construction, there’s absolutely no way to fix this and the only way out is a complete, right back to the beginning, cast on again, not one stitch saved “do-over”. Except there are some things that I haven’t told you. Some things about how I knit this that may have been a little obsessive and weird, and some of those things may make it a little bit hard to yank this out and start over.

It may have been, for example, that I might have duplicate stitched over part of the torso to make the stripes match better. (Yes. I know. I like things to go my way and I’m not afraid of insane measures to get there.) Also, considering that the rows on the arms are three times longer than the torso, I took some measures to see to it that the stripe sequence stayed the same even though the row length had changed. “Some measures” may have included splicing the green sections and striping sections of three balls together to make a “superball” with sections three times longer for rows that are three times longer. There were other things. Worse things. Things that are going to be bad now that I have to yank it out. Very bad.

I’m trying to decide if I’m angry enough to have revenge, determined enough to fix it, stupid enough to try, or smart enough to find a smaller person to give this to. Damn. I can’t believe Grenyrn did this to me. I love this sweater – or at least I think I would. If it loved me back.

334 thoughts on “Betrayal of Grenyrn

  1. Well, I guess it happens to the best of us at some point (and by us I mean knitters and by the best I mean you). Great copy for the next book though. When knitting goes bad – jumpers to send you over the edge.

  2. I have no comforting words. Just that we’ve all been there and thank the gods someone is writing about it online so we can all feel less freakn stupid for our knitterly obsessiveness(es)(es)( es) πŸ˜›
    I’d give it away and start again…cuz i’d be fighting that sweater every time i wore it, if i ripped and re knit it.
    {cyberhug} and {cybersmack to the sweater}

  3. Ouch. Just ouch. Well, maybe it’s not destined to be a sweater? Maybe, just maybe, it’s supposed to be a quirky pillow? Stuff the body and arms, then sew them shut. Or maybe it’s wall-art, something to hang in a place of honor to show off the amazing gauge, pattern, and yarn. That’s why it’s so small — it’s a miniature representation of what a full-sized sweater would be. You know, if it wasn’t possessed by shrinkifying gnomes.

  4. Is it too small for one of the girls? Before you rip- try it on one of the kids. If you do have to rip, sit , have a coffee (make it Irish, we won’t tell) and then breathe deep. It’s too bad… it was looking like a great unique sweater. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it fits one of your girls. Perhaps there is a birthday coming up?
    πŸ™‚ good luck,
    Kate

  5. Oh NO! NO NO NO NO!
    That stinks! STINKS!
    Will your daughter wear it? It’s pretty, mighty pretty! My heart goes out to you!

  6. Bummer! Due to the heroic efforts made to create a stunning sweater, it’s time to find a smaller person.
    Just think how fast you’ll be able to knit another for yourself now that you know where all the pitfalls are (ducks and runs)!

  7. I echo everybody else! See if it fits one of your girls. The short shirt (ok the belly shirt…ick) thing is in, they may just love it! Especially if the sleves are too long for them! πŸ™‚

  8. As someone who’s about to tink a sweater for the third time (“sweater” used loosely to describe a garment only 10 rows long) because she apparently can’t count to 177, I say, bag it. Find a child, clothe them in the sweater, and move on. You will never love it now.

  9. Thank you. I no longer feel alone. As my 14 year old son told me (after asking him in desperation for encouraging words regarding my latest knitting screw up), “Don’t worry, you’ve learned alot from this experience; you will get it right next time; and this will be a funny story to tell someday.” I’ve been knitting dishcloths for the last two days while I work up the courage to start over!

  10. OH OH OH I’m so sorry for that @#$% sweater and its smallness. Yo’re too smart to rip this out and start again –revenge never pays off Wouldn’t it fit one of your girls? I would NEVER frog it and re knit the bloody thing. I’m sure there must be a pattern and some lusious wool waiting on you to knit that would work out to perfection. Say adieu to it like I did with my fish and say to your self “”Another lesson well learned “” Maybe go get hubby’s sweater and knit on it for a change.

  11. Has anyone noticed that Grenyrn looks a wee little bit like Grendel, the vengeful, baby eating Beowulf monster?

  12. Oh, that just blows!! Sew that thing up, get it the heck out of your house!! It may begin to bite if it stays too long. Cursed grenyrn!! You may have ts’d when you shouldn’t have.

  13. I’m trying not to laugh, really. But having just read the part in the latest book about gauge and how critical it is to the end product fitting, well, I can’t help but wonder if you just haven’t been dope slapped by the Knitting Goddess once again.

  14. Steph, you know I don’t comment too often (I figure you have enough comments to go through without one more from me- what? I can’t help it, I’m Canadian…) but sometimes I am compelled to write. I’ve had Joshua read all of the posts about this sweater since you are writing the script of how my sweater knitting goes! Although the last sweater? Success! Sorry that you’ve gathered the crapy karma left behind from my smooth sailing…
    I hate to suggest it, but um… what about blocking…? Have any of the girls been eyeing it? Don’t unravel it. The engineering that went into that striping is too creative!

  15. Take notes on what needs changed. Rewrite what needs to be done – find someone smaller to give it to – but don’t give it till you have made and knit the differences. You can do it!! Start all over – do not frog!! Not this time.

  16. Take notes on what needs changed. Rewrite what needs to be done – find someone smaller to give it to – but don’t give it till you have made and knit the differences. You can do it!! Start all over – do not frog!! Not this time.

  17. You must be making this for one of your daughters. You just didn’t know it!

  18. Forget the kids, send it to Afghans for Afghans . . . someone will be thrilled beyond words to put their very small body in your beautiful knitting and you’ll be doing good at the same time, like usual.
    As for the Irish coffee, make it a double and start something new =).

  19. I’d say find a smaller person. There are times when it’s better to cut your losses and move on, and frogging this sounds like it will take all of your sanity and more wine than anyone really wants to contemplate…

  20. You might want to give it to charity if it won’t fit one of the girls. The proportions look right. It will fit someone. Maybe you’re being led to make this for a total stranger who really needs it.

  21. It’s not your fault. The EXACT SAME bloody thing happened to me while knitting that sweater. I’m not kidding – too small of bust, too short, sleeves ludicrously short. It does, indeed, take an entire do-over. I ended up knitting it in large/medium measurements, and it’s baggy… but it fits (of course, this time, my sleeves were too long).
    Oh, and I too, thought I was on gauge. *grumble*
    This is just the sweater pattern of Intense Evil ™.

  22. This sweater sounds an awful lot like my ex. This is not a good sweater. It has given you nothing but pain. You need not to have sweaters like this in your life. Let it go somewhere out of your life where you will have no more contact with it, or it will only continue to find new ways to deceive and hurt you.

  23. Maybe a typo in the pattern title? Like it was supposed to be “Gremlyn” instead? How about whipping up a treatment for a horror film: haunted LYS, innocent knitter, possessed yarn….

  24. Somewhere there is a petite homeless person who would love your sweater. You have enough yarn in your stash to clothe several third world countries and the next thing you knit will love you. (And if it doesn’t, there’s always something else.)

  25. Well…you *could* just light it on fire. Would teach it a lesson and be a cleansing ritual all rolled into one. Just sayin’

  26. Christmas is coming. Just think of it as hours of extra sleep you are going to get now that you have one less project to do.
    Yeah, that doesn’t work for me either.

  27. It’s the pits, but I think your comment about trusting your instincts says it all. If it were me, I’d give it away. You have 3 daughters. Won’t it fit one of them ? If that’s not a possibility, find a friend. So much for the importance of gauge ! Betsy in Sac

  28. This sweater or rather the pattern do not deserve any more of your time. Give it away. There must be someone out there that is smaller than you. They don’t even need to love it. Give it to them. Just make sure that you will never see it again.

  29. My humble suggestion: Cut your losses, offer it as a raffle prize for donations to *blank*(insert charity of your choice here). You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and when to run… (with apologies to kenny rogers).

  30. Show Grenyrn who’s boss!! Work on something else! Show it that it’s betrayal means nothing to you. . . NOTHING! You can get any project you want. You don’t need Grenyrn to make you feel whole. . . . .hey–a nice fair isle might just do the trick.. .Yeah, that’s it. Get out your pretty needles and show that Gren yarn a thing or two.
    (okay–easier said than done.)

  31. I like the Christmas idea. Shove it in the back of the closet for 6 months, just to show it who’s boss, then pull it out when it’s sufficiently humble and give it to a smaller person.

  32. oh dear stephanie. i had a bad feeling about this the last post. now that i know about all the modifications and knitting agony you have gone through i am very afraid that you will spend the rest of your life re-working this one over and over again! don’t do it! let it go! janet is right. send it far away

  33. Steph, I’m so sorry for your plight, given all the wonderful advice you’ve poured into us through your books –
    HOWEVER…
    Maybe you could sell it on EBay, recoup your costs plus some, and buy new yarn! There are plenty of us who would love the opportunity to own a garment knit by Her Harlotness…Even it it didn’t fit, but was used as a pillow-cover or foot-warmer. Also make a cute bag. hum…
    That, or your daughters (or niece or cousin or neighbor…) Well wishes. A small comfort measure is that the ever-faithful sock awaits to soothe the frustrations.

  34. I too was concerned about the “don’t ts” part of the instructions although I’m stil not sure what that could mean.
    I’m so sorry and I just love the yarn and have been thinking what I can knit with this. I guess not this sweater! (I was thinking of something less, uh, complex anyway)

  35. EBAY~ and proceeds go to Knitters Without Borders! (like the raffle idea) …in a p.s. moment…Ann

  36. I vote giving to someone else, I think that grenyrn note was a sign – Don’t knit Dibs on Ribs with this green yarn. Actually it seems in proportion, sleeves too small, torso too small, bust too small. If it was personal wouldn’t it mess with you and make something way too big so it wouldn’t fit on anyone.
    Teresa

  37. Don’t TS? Don’t Try Sweater.
    I like the ebay idea. Totaly advritise on your site, one of us knitters out here would love it! (not I of the 40″ bust though) Donate the proceeds to your charity, or just buy new yarn!
    EBay!!!

  38. Ah Crap! At least you have a full chapter for bookbookbook4. Between the uni-boob, droopy sagging front, and now sizing… man it could be two chapters!
    I had to laugh when everyone is telling you to give it to someone smaller. The only person smaller than you, O petite One, is Hank. Would he wear it?

  39. Oh good lord! You should just gi…no, you know what? I started to second all the votes to give it away to someone smaller, but really? I think you should just take it out back for a small, private, ceremony that might or might not involve sharp scissors, a large bonfire, and possibly some gasoline.
    It might not be a terrible idea to bring the pattern along as well. For good measure.

  40. Oh man! That stinks. I vote for finding a smaller person to give it to or selling it on Ebay as a Harlot original.

  41. Totally infuriating! I wouldn’t give the (*#$ thing a second effort. NO WAY! I vote for selling it to a smaller person for the cost of new yarn to try again. Heck – there is bound to be at least one extra petite knitter out there who is willing to pay for a Harlot’s Own Grenyrn Sweater!

  42. sooo… mebbe ‘don’t ts’ meant ‘don’t try sweater’? or ‘don’t tinker stripes’? Dare I say that this brought to mind the story of Emma’s sweater for two?
    Finish her up, give her away, never speak of her again. And maybe get yourself a pocket voice recorder so you can tape notes to yourself on future tours instead of having to rely on scribbled shorthand?

  43. I suggest you finish the sweater then wait. Sometimes our knitting has a destiny of its own. We can plan its future but our plans are not always realized. One day someone will come along that the sweater was meant for and you will be pleased that you have it ready.

  44. If it’s any consolation, it’s a truly gorgeous sweater. It’s so pretty and you put so much work into it – I’d hate to see it disintegrate into a pile of yarn. Selfishly, though, it made me feel a lot better that this doesn’t only happen to me … I just finished my first tank top and even though the gauge was perfect and I measured obsessively, it came out 55″ around instead of 40″. Don’t even ask me how this happened. All I know is it would fit an elephant and I am too depressed to rip it out and start over. I do feel better, though, that even good knitters have problems like this. So thank you :).

  45. I admire your confidence. I have a tendency to say “I am a bad knitter” when something goes wrong. I think your way is healthier. Knitting has no self-esteem.
    Stick the thing in the closet and fugetaboutit. 2 years from now you’ll come across it while in the throes of IT at Christmas and you’ll bless it as an instant knitted gift.

  46. Oh, and even though it’s not Tuesday, spin something. Treadling will help you work out your frustration. And I’m just not sure today’s a good pointy stick day for you.

  47. I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and I’ve always been amazed at your knitting skill/writing style. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to ask questions in this here comment section, but I’m going to. My question is, this is in regards to a sweater I’ve been knitting for months (or rather a sweater I stopped knitting for months because I didn’t understand the pattern). And my question is, what does it mean to ‘bind off twice’. Anybody?
    I have faith that you’ll beat that sweater into submission. Faith.

  48. It is neither you, nor the yarn. Yarn is there to make you feel good, not bad, and it can’t be you.
    Blame the pattern.

  49. I say give it to someone else. If it doesn’t have the sense to understand & love you for yourself, it’s not worth the effort wasted on it.
    Or whatever it was all our mothers told us when some boy dumped us.

  50. Treachery, thy name is Grenyrn!
    There comes a point in any abusive relationship where the victimized party has to stand up and shout, “ENOUGH!” That time has come. Stop trying to make this work. Stop telling yourself that it will be different this time, that Grenyrn won’t hurt you again because Grenyrn has changed, really. Stop investing time in this.
    I suggest you find a smaller person and give them the sweater. Then be glad to have Grenyrn out of your life forever!

  51. I say give it to someone with Kate Moss’ build (wait, that’s YOU!). Hmm… Maybe giving it to a teenager as an early present?
    A better proposal would be for you to come back to New England to get replacement yarn for another sweater! That, or go to Hawaii so you can visit Jill at “Alohas and Oreos” (http://alohanoreos.blogspot.com/) from Blogspot. And when you do get that trip planned, let us know so we can fly there to meet you!
    Just a couple of thoughts,
    =:8

  52. but you should probably get over that needing the stripes to match up thing. causes too many problems.

  53. First – Irish coffee sans coffee.
    Second – EBAY the thing.
    Third – use EBAY proceeds to buy yourself really luscious, decadent yarn to knit the replacement, which THIS TIME, will fit!
    Elizabeth

  54. It was so angry that you not only needed a note to remember it, you couldn’t even remember what the note was about. It didn’t feel special enough. Now it knows you will remember it every day for the rest of your life.

  55. Babe: Look at your previous entry and that word in bold “casualness”. Duplicate stiching. . .? Give it to a smaller person, use the time to knit 200 hats for Dulaan. Tiny Mongolians might even like the sweater.

  56. It’s still so gorgeous, I say Frame it and keep it as an Object d’art! You “Meant” to knit it too small-really…Needed something for the walls…

  57. 1. lie down in a darkened room with a huge glass of wine.
    2. give it to a smaller person
    3. start over or move on to another project. (come back to this one later)

  58. Stephanie – honey – this is one ugly sweater – I know, a tactless thing to say and you advocate better manners in everything I have read by you, but all those measures you took could not overcome its essential weakness. Find a smaller, short-armed green-colorblind person who won’t know the difference. He/she is out there and will LOVE the sweater. Shake it off and move on.

  59. Mighty Harlot, tear off Grenyrn’s arm now, while you have the chance and burn the remains on a funeral pyre…

  60. Dude! If I was that sweater I would totally run and hide under the bed before I got my *ss kicked. Bad sweater! Bad! πŸ˜‰

  61. I’m with Judy, send that bad boy to Afghans for Afghans. It will fit some precious child who could use it and you’ll feel a lot better. I’ve never had an Irish coffee but I can recommend a few good wines ;)!

  62. I hope the Grenyrn won’t get me for saying this, but… that sweater is… well, lets say (apart from the not fitting part) it’s not particulary attractive in my opinion. Actually, it’s not the *sweater* – the yarn may have some hope left in it, but I can’t see knitting that pattern in any way that I would like it.
    I think you should bury it in the darkest part of your stash and go back to designing Joe’s gansey!

  63. At the risk of sounding utterly ridiculous, maybe give the sweater away (horrors!) to a person of even smaller stature?

  64. I think your note contained an important piece of advice that you wanted to remember when you pulled out that grenyrn for a “quick knit”. “Don’t ts” = “Don’t try Steph!” In a moment of knitting clarity, or sanity if you will, you knew an attempt at matching stripes for a sweater with grenyrn would drive you crazy! Your note to self was a warning from your sane self to your knitting self (we all have both sides… don’t we… or is it just me… now should I be worried?).
    I wish I was smaller or had a daughter, I’d be glad to take that defiant sweater off your hands.

  65. I like the suggestions to give it to someone smaller or to charity. I don’t think I could bear to look at it again!

  66. Frankly, I think the sweater is hideous, with those weird stripes making arrows pointing at the waist and that little half circle at the belly button. I’d sell it on ebay though, buy some more of the yarn with the proceeds and make something that will work with the yarn, rather than against it.

  67. Did I read correctly? Duplicate stitch? Oh, honey, you are trapped in an abusive relationship with this pattern (I’m thinking it’s the pattern more than the yarn, although the yarn’s stripe pattern is aiding and abetting). It’s not going to change, and changing your behavior to please it won’t make it better.
    I agree with the “find a smaller person” camp, but not a daughter–a person who won’t wear it where you can see it would be better. Selling it and using the proceeds to create a new, healthy relationship with a different, sane pattern would be wonderful, if you think you’re ready to do that.
    Frankly, I never liked that damn pattern and think you can do much better for yourself.

  68. There’s precious little consolation knowing that it isn’t the fault of you or your mammaries.
    As Grandma used to say, “Well, isn’t that just a bucket of fuck?”
    That about says it all.
    All that’s left to do is to pour yourself a bottle of bourbon, frog it and knit something else.

  69. Okay, if you want to keep working on this and you have enough yarn, think about this. Knit a bias strip that you will than sew up the sides and down the arms. More putting together. Then pick up stitches at the waist and knit a ribbing till it is long enough and do the same on the sleeves. This was a free pattern, eh? I still say give it away.

  70. Is it any wonder that some people won’t venture beyond scarves? Perhaps because they value their own sanity?

  71. Never mind the fit–I’m all fascinated with your futzing around with stripey yarns to make ’em stripe better. And duplicate stitching and all that. You’re killing me. Taking the random out of randomness–love it!

  72. Forgive me for the obnoxious question, but how do the knitted measurements compare to the schematic? I’ve never seen this sweater knit up, maybe there are huge mistakes in the pattern when they sized it since it’s such a weird construction?

  73. Betrayal. That is what it is…knitting betrayal; or perhaps a conspiracy set into motion initially when the pattern was conceived by the designer knowing you would one day write a blog and books, choose the one specific yarn, pattern and size and document your knitting for all to see. Do I hear a maniacal laugh out there or am I just paranoid?

  74. Darn that Grenyrn, anyhow!! I think it was saying “don’t trust ‘structions” all along. Either that or, “This sucks.” Take your pick. Sooo sorry about the Sweater We Do Not Speak Of. I say gift the sweater out and give the pattern a blazing funeral pyre and celebrate its demise.
    If it makes you feel any better, I’m about to frog a sock toe for the 4th time. And I’m not new at socks. I have at least 15 pairs, and everyone I know has several pairs I’ve knit, too. Just having ‘one of those projects’. But, I can’t just stop and shall rip on, heedless and take control of this danged sock if it kills me!!
    So, are you going back to that beautiful Erle baby sweater?

  75. Afghans for Afghans sounds like a worthy destination for this beastly sweater. Also like ebay and proceeds to Knitters without Borders. Make this wretched mess pay you back in good karma. Remember the old phrase “knitting (sic) well is the best revenge”! You did knit well, perfectly on gauge, a rarity for us all, and the work is excellent. Kill the pattern!
    Jan in Alexandria

  76. Have a lie down… drink something (preferably hard liquor), and then give it to someone else. The truth hurts sometimes.
    Now I know I will never attempt this sweater, if a goddess like you had such difficulty… thank you for paving the way!

  77. I’ve got it! Finally! “Don’t TS” is “Don’t trust size” Not that it helps you much now.
    I’m thinking that to check what size you’re going to get on one of these diagonal patterns will probably involve trigonometry (Yes, one of those maths from high school!). To be honest, other than a nifty math problem to work out for high-school age children of Knitters, I’m not sure it’s worth the effort.

  78. Now wait a minute! You were going to do all these fancy tricks οΏ½ the splicing, the duplicate stitch, who knows what else οΏ½ to get your sweater to look perfect. And then you weren’t going to tell us? And then when we go to knit a lovely stripey sweater, ours will come out all pooley and horrible, and we’ll have no idea why. We’ll just think that you are a goddess and we are cursed and throw away our needles. Why were you keeping these things from us?

  79. I don’t mean to imply anything derogatory by this comment – BUT jealousy is referred to as the green-eyed monster and the yarn is GREEN. Have you been working on other projects while knitting this sweater (it doesn’t seem possible since you got it done so quickly). Does the sweater/yarn know that it was considered “fast and easy”? Could it be jealous of the gorgeous baby sweater? If you don’t want to divorce the sweater (by giving it away), my only suggestion is yarn/knitter counseling. Good luck!

  80. So if this sweater has put you off knitting, does this mean you’ll be taking up scrapbooking or something? Surely it fits one of your daughters and if not, eBay its ass!

  81. Not to add fuel to the fire but perhaps this was cursed from the beginning when all you had was the cryptic note that said Grenyrn and you had to figure out what it meant. It may have been a sign….but…if anyone can overcome Grenyrn or any other knitting tragedy it’s you!

  82. Frequent reader, first-time poster, but I have to agree with the ladies that say this is an abusive relationship. Frankly, you can do so much better. While the knitting and gauge are lovely, I hate to see so much effort and love go into a sweater that, imho, puts the “ug” in ugly. Downright “fugly,” quite possibly, albeit cool yarn. And I agree with a previous poster about the weird little triangle on the belly.
    It’s time to say “Enough!” and be co-dependent no more! Donate this puppy immediately and never look back!

  83. I’m with you on the $#%&*~^+ sweater and the #$%?!! yarn. You didn’t ask, but the older I get, the more difficult it is to not give advice: 1) wouldn’t it be easier to NOT use self-striping yarn when you want perfectly-positioned stripes (i.e., use intarsia or fair isle techniques with multiple solid color yarns)?; and 2) take the freaking sweater with the obviously jinxed pattern and mount and frame it as a piece of art (albeit unwearable). Mountains of empathy for you; it’s really difficult for a perfectionist to say “uncle.”

  84. Some chilly little kid in Mongolia would think she had gone to Heaven if she received Grenyrn…. Dulaan, anyone?

  85. I would give all the blame to the pattern and find someone who can love it without baggage. Perhaps your next book could be about knitting mishaps. Yesterday I proudly gave my ten year old her beautiful soft blue hoodie type sweater that I had just finished. It wasn’t till she joyfully pulled it over her head that I realised that I had put the kangaroo pocket on the back! She refused to be a trendsetter and wear it to school anyway. Selfish child!

  86. Condolences and a wowza. I’ve spliced to expand or decrease colour periods, but you’re on the outer fringe when you Swiss darn to match stripes in a non-Charlie Brown sweater. I am thoroughly impressed with your, um, is there a tactful way to say “obsession”? Maybe you can swap the sweater with a smaller person for the equivalent in similar yarn? Best of luck.

  87. FWIW, I’d give away the sweater. Last thing in the world I’d want to do is to go through ripping it and reknitting it, only for the vindictive thing to attract coffee or tea the first time I wore it. It might need to move out. πŸ˜‰
    Plan something lovely and indulgent next, after the inevitable spinning. B)

  88. Give it away. DEFINITELY give it away. If you give it away, and then pine for it, make another. If you don’t pine for it, well, there’s another gut instinct to trust……
    Sad, how easy it is to think “Trust the gut!” and how hard to do, when the mind thinks it knows better. I share your pain……………

  89. Post the measurements, then give it to the person who donates the most to Doctors without borders or some other charity. It is too pretty to exile to Mongolia–besides who would not want something made by the most famous knitter of modern history.

  90. Oh. My. Gosh.
    Stephanie … this is the dark side of knitting. Resist! Do NOT fall into the “I can make this work” thinking. It is the dark side. It will consume you.
    You must be Strong. The ritualistic trip to the backyard with scissors, flame throwers and alcohol. Yes! That is the way! Be Strong!

  91. I’m sure there is a body out there in the world that fits the sweater. The sweater is fine, keep repeating this to yourself, you just need to find the right body.
    then, I recommend starting over with new yarn and your new knowledge about how that pattern works. I’ll bet a skinny, urbane 27-year-old would love, love, love that sweater. Auction it off on e-bay. Or to your blog readers. The perfect body is not far away.

  92. As I’ve said before – You’re a better woman than this, Steph.
    Put the sweater down, step away from the sweater. Have four fingers of Screech (or Mount Gay). Bag the sweater. Sell it or give it away and move on.
    We’re with you on this.

  93. As my fifteen year old daughter would say, the whole thing is just EVIL.
    Chalk it up as the ultimate once in a lifetime bad knitting/learning experience and banish it. From Toronto, from Canada, from North America. From Earth if possible.
    If you give it away or sell it on eBay, someday you will find it walking down the street. If you send it to Afghans for Afghans, there will be a film crew there, and guess what will be on the six o clock news someday?
    Trust me on this one, I’ve been there.
    It’s kindling.

  94. I’m thinking that pulling it apart seems like a very difficult thing. Is it possible that it might fit one of your older girls?
    Any news yet on the Denver tour leg?

  95. Okay. So what if you are actually trapped in a time loop, doomed to repeat this sweater over and over and over again? And the cryptic note was actually from your subconscious trying to warn you not to start this sweater (again!) so you can break the loop? Oooh. Scary prospect.

  96. Oh, Stephanie! I’m so sorry to hear this… but I have to tell you that I laughed out loud (my 5 year old wanted to know what was so funny) when you mentioned the duplicate stitch and splicing parts. NOT because the resultant mess is bigger (perhaps to the point of not being worth it to redo) because of it, but because that is just the obsessive/compulsively perfectionist thing that _I_ would do, and it’s just so great to know that I’m not the only one whacked enough to do so. Thank you for the solidarity!
    Nevertheless… this is totally not fair. If the grenyrn weren’t so attractive, I would say that it should totally be punished for its betrayal. As is, though… I don’t know what I hope you do about it. On the one hand, I would love to see you be the master of the knitting… on the other hand, the frustration factor would have to be so high I don’t think I could face it. Maybe after you take some time apart.
    And eat some good chocolate. I would need it.

  97. Could this pattern have two names – y’know like your At Knit’s End – Meditations…. Maybe this pattern’s second name was “1001 Ways to &*/$$ Off Every Patient Knitter – Especially the Harlot”
    I think a sell out disaster movie based on the script is comming to a theater near you!!
    It is beautiful, but beauty can have an evil side as well. Best of luck.

  98. If you can pry it away from the daughter who conspired to change size/guage to fit themselves … the donation to Knitters Without Borders idea is a good one πŸ™‚
    Back to the BABY SWEATER!
    Procastiknitting + Fast Success = deluded?

  99. Thank goodness 3/4 length sleeves are in. And that you have daughters. It’s good to have people you love in all different sizes.
    Some relationships just aren’t meant to be.

  100. Truly, truly, it’s done and over. You’ve worked so hard to make something beautiful from a godforsaken ugly and unworkable pattern. It’s not you – you’ve done so much more than anyone could have expected. You’ve given it all. Now’s the time for permanent separation, and the finality of signing the divorce papers.
    So, if it doesn’t do justice for any of your lovely daughters, then drop it off after hours at a Goodwill (preferably at the most remote location you can find coming up on your tour), and wish it your best. Perhaps some non-blog-reading knitter will recognize the yarn’s potential and will jump for joy at her find to frog and reknit with delight.

  101. I HAVE a solution, give me the sweater!!!! I am small (34″ bust), and even better (only in this case)small torso, also called short waisted, and I also love 3/4 sleeves. Hehehehehe. love and apologises Lulu

  102. You don’t really want to reknit that sucker, do you? Donate it to Dulaan, then stuff the pattern under the porch for insulation.

  103. Sweater, thy name is EVIL. Frankly I think simple burning is too good for this one. I’d suggest a lengthy period of stomping, stabbing and wholesale mutilation, followed by a session of furious verbal denunciation, ending with the ceremonial lighting of the wool. One section of the sweater at a time. Slooowwwwwly. While you sit back, drink your coffee and enjoy the warm glow of the flames. Yes? Very good. Now I’m off to look helplessly at all my belongings and try to decide what to pack first. Maybe I’ll just knit socks….

  104. I’d try to find someone who would love it. The gauge is too perfect to rip it back out, plus after all the frusteration going into it… it wouldn’t be a very loving relationship. I do like the donation to Knitters Without Borders ^-^

  105. Umm; is it co-incidence that I read ‘grenryn’ as gremlin? Don’t worry you’re bigger than this thing (oops sorry, no pun intended), in a metaphorical sense of course. You’re a great encouragement to the rest of us.

  106. Must be Grenyrn’s revenge for not remembering what the cryptic note said — a kind of “You never listen to me” whine in yarnese.
    Consider auctioning it off on your blog for proceeds for Knitters without Borders. Then you can feel that you weren’t bested by the sweater (hell, you were working for charity!) and someone out there can lay claim to a sweater knitted by the Harlot!

  107. Seriously, dump it. It doesn’t deserve you. There are kinder sweaters out there just crying out for you to knit them. No regrets.

  108. Ok, cross that pattern off my list. If it kicks Harlot ass, it’ll totally demolish mine. As for what to do with the sweater… if it doesn’t fit one of the girls, you might donate it to KWB to auction

  109. Take it out back, soak it in lighter fluid, pour yourself a glass of wine, and set the sucker on fire. Have youself a nice, cathartic little blaze. I am very sorry. That sweater has really treated you badly.

  110. I hope Colleen Davis has learned of your experience and will jump in with help. This is a captivating design! I have made a “mini” (18″ doll) version before trying to knit a full size sweater. I wasn’t comfortable about it’s chances of fitting me and you have just reinforced my fears.
    Thank you for all of your eloquent posts!

  111. Stephanie!
    Pull yourself together! It’s a sweater. It’s only a sweater. Finish the sweater and then donate it to a charity or organization and make someone a little warmer. It will warm their hear that someone knit this and then gave it away. It will make your hear warmer that it will be loved and used as opposed to being treated like a step-child that you are ashamed of and keeping locked away in the back of a drawer!
    We believe in you!
    Jen

  112. A super ball! Hahaha… that’s awesome. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. My MIL always tells me to just find someone who will fit it when I knit something too big or small. I’m too selfish usually. Best of luck!

  113. Give it to a small friend. Which means you must always have a small-ish friend on hand. (I do!)

  114. Grenyrn has had it in for you from the beginning. Remember the cryptic note? It was a warning sign.
    Fold it up neatly and force it into a dark corner of the stash. Then when you uncover it in a few years you can decide its fate.

  115. Grenyrn or Gremlin – are your sure you have the name of that sweater right?
    Don’t feel bad though I have a blasted Mason-Dixon warshcloth that is kicking my butt…..argh! At least having a sweater do it is more dignified.

  116. I am very sorry about the sweater disaster, but all the other knitters seem to have very good ideas about sending it to charity. So perhaps some good can come out of the bad…
    I was reading about some of your other disasters during an archive dive last night while I was frogging a baby blanket that had mysteriously grown another foot in width while knitting it. After I gauge swatched. (I even said nice things to it while it was on the needles. Stubbon malicious beast.)
    Thank you for sharing your good AND bad. I’ve only been at this for 6 years, so it’s comforting to know that someone who has been knitting five times as long can still get kicked in the teeth and live to tell about it.

  117. Have you considered burying it in the back yard? It would eventually turn into compost and benefit the garden.

  118. DUDE! DON’T FROG IT! You need to just give this one away, but maybe not to one of your daughters since then you’d still have to see the sweater. My attitude is that it will fit someone. Hey, I know – auction/raffle it off for Knitters Without Borders. It’ll be worth a good cause. Then go raid the stash and find somethings else you want to knit for YOU.

  119. So…I went back and clicked on the link for the pattern. Scrolled down…down…down…and, um, the model has no chest. Not that I’m bagging on the model because I’ve often wished for a slight, willowy frame. But I’m thinking the pattern creation process went something like this:
    Knitter: (to herself) My pre-teen son is going to love this sweater! So stripey, so fun! He will at once appreciate the complexity of it’s construction and it will be his favorite sweater! And I’ll make the sleeves short enough that he can no longer stretch them out and wear thumbholes in them!
    Knitter’s Son: Moooooom! I can’t wear that! I’ll get stuffed in a locker!
    Knitter’s Daughter: That’s hott! Can I have it?

  120. There is a “Knit for Kids” sweater project managed by Guideposts magazine. Since the sweater is both beautiful and small, you could send it to them, and they’ll send it to someone young and chilly, maybe even on another continent.
    The address is http://www.dailyguideposts.com/help/sweater
    Just a thought —

  121. From a woman who has ditched three bad marriages – let it go to someone else. No amount of love will make the sweater love you.
    Not even if you dress up in a French Maid outfit and shiver with pretend cold, while you plead in an outrageous French accent that you “need to feel the heat of its hot arms” – no not even then will it love you back.
    Not that I’ve ever done that, I’m just sayin’…

  122. Man that’s gotta be frustrating. I have been there many times. But I think you need to donate the sweater and move on to something really wonderful. Nothing like a new project to make you forget that nasty old grenyrn, right?

  123. So erm… is it possible that this will be the kind of yarn that loosens up and stretches out a bit when washed? Or is that just crazy-talk?
    Good luck, Steph, whatever your wacky OCD leads you to decide!

  124. Go with the “give to a small friend” option — suddenly, the thing that frustrated the bejesus out of you is a blessing to someone else, and the cosmic score is evened. (at least that’s what I tell myself when I see my sister wearing a sweater that was supposed to be for me, but came out too small).

  125. I wouldn’t dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam of giving you advice, especially as that’s best done with a straight face. Nor do I have much sympathy to spare. I’m saving that up for the aforementioned Colleen Davis who as we speak must be furrowing her pretty brow, detecting a great disturbance in The Force. Incoming, lambie!
    Perhaps this wasn’t so much a code, I mean pattern, as it was a set of guidelines…

  126. I’m with Liz et al.: give the sweater away, reverse the karma. And then knit something you cannot possibly screw up. (Somewhere in Ontario there is a little boy in need of 5-inch blue squares, if that interests you at all.)

  127. Surely the thing to do is send it to Grenyrn – weren’t you making it for her all along???

  128. As soon as I recover from the harrowing vision of all that splicing, I might think of something useful to say.
    I do like the Knitters Without Borders idea.
    Aidan, was your grandmother from Nashville and was her name Margaret? Based on that quotation, I’d say you’re a long-lost cousin.

  129. I agree with the Christmas sentiments voiced above. I’d like to also point out something that, if I were you, would make me feel really good. You’re in great shape, and not everyone who has 3 kids can say that. You can honestly blame the sweater and be absolutely sure it’s not a flaw of your physique. The day that I’m faced with a sweater that isn’t too small because I’m too big is the day that I put it in a frame and hang it on the wall.

  130. Congratulations on such an early completion of a holiday gift! Doesn’t that make 2 so far this year? and it’s only May!
    …and…just wondering if anyone has mentioned these reports and comments to Interweave Knits ..or to the Dear Designer….?

  131. The swatch didn’t lie. The pattern maker lied. I’m just finishing a cardigan that would have had the button holes on the wrong side if I hadn’t been paying close attention. I hate patterns that have major flaws. Give it away. If you frog and reknit it, you will always be reminded of the headaches and you will never wear it.

  132. My Dear Yarn Harlot, I regret having to inform you that Grenyrn is a gremlin. It lives hidden amidst knitting needles and waits for the moment of blind belief to sabotage your work. There is only one way to expel Grenyrn from your home. You must dance naked around a bonfire wildly waving your cursed object and shouting (in Danish..but Norwegian will do). Alternately you can spend time with a great friend who makes you laugh ’til your stomach hurts. Your choice.

  133. Oh heavens — give it to a smaller person. I’ll chip in to help buy you more of the yarn, if you really want one of these. Life’s too short for this!

  134. silly sweater! It is undeserving of the Harlot.
    Ebay that baby. Tell your story and use the famous Harlot name and make yourself a nice pile of cash. After checking with the designer of course.
    Then you can pay for the porch. Who are we kidding? The pile o’ money will be spent at WEBS won’t it?

  135. All I can say is I am sorry. I myself would have ripped out half my head of hair in sheer frustration and swore off knitting. But I love it too much to stop, as I know you do too!

  136. I am a lurker that absolutely enjoys reading this. I am very sorry about your sweater and it hits very close to home as I had a similar problem with a vest that I finished last night. I know that everything was all in line but,why oh why did I look like a ham trying to stuff into a sandwich bag?? And why is it only the things that I knit for myself? I think I have to lie down now as reliving it has made me feel faint. Rusty

  137. Thank you for the words of encouragement! I too have a sweater that is kicking my ass! (it’s green too . . . hmmm. . . ) So good to know I’m not the only one being mocked by yarn.

  138. I totally get your fustrations. Being short, I do understand.
    But I just don’t get this sweater. That ribbed part at the bottom? Looks like you took a sweater and made the neck the bottom then tried to work around it. The heavy lines from the double dec (or is it inc) are too heavy. I like how the stripes make arrows pointing to your midsection, but I think there’s just too much going on. You could have just started in the middle, knit a square in the round. No little bits to fill in. You could have contructed the upper part as part of it all so there wouldn’t be that line across your chest….there’s some interesting design elements in this sweater, but I’m not feeling the green love. Sorry!

  139. Oh Stephanie! Please, for your own sanity, just give it away. Remember what you taught us in your books, “Sometimes you and a project are on different ‘life paths’.” Just stitch it together, and give away a perfectly lovely sweater. And then go to the yarn shop and buy a new yummy yarn that will make you a lovely new sweater. Good luck!
    PS- have you heard of Knit in Public Day?
    http://www.wwkipday.com

  140. I’m with everyone else. You’ve said it yourself that sometimes you’re not knitting what you think you’re knitting. Obviously you were knitting a gift and didn’t realize it!

  141. I will take it if you do not want it. I am sure that I am smaller than you.
    If I am not smaller than you, I pity you.
    Or perhaps you should just frog it.

  142. Taiga from ‘Knits from the North Country’ did the same thing to me just recently (http://mikew.ca/deblog/?p=106). Only in my case, I just assumed I would have the same tension as the designer. I know Mabel Corlett well and she knits as tightly as I do – well most of the time. Seems her knitting wasn’t quite so tight for this sweater. You have to hate it when that gauge thing comes back and slaps you in the face.
    My advice – finish the thing and find someone who fits it. Isn’t that what women’s fashion designing is all about πŸ™‚

  143. OH no ! After all your hard work, and perfect gauge and everything!!! THis sweater is just evil……truly EVIL.Stand back from the sweater..do NOT frog the sweater… You do not want it in your house, laughing at you from the back of the closet, smirking at you and always acting superior if worn by one of your girls….the only thing to to is to take the evilness out of it by putting it up for auction on eBay as a Yarn Harlot Origional with all the money going to Knitters without Borders….this will reverse the Karma, make a profit, and be good publicity for your books. Then….take the instructions outside at midnight, on the first full moon..with a big can of lighter fluid…. and burn the bugger!!!!Dancing around the fire is allowed….roasting marshmallows is NOT!! No more bad Karma!!

  144. Ah, guage is a mysterious thing!
    I’m right there with you. Working on a cardigan. Perfect gauge on the swatch. Double checked the math: (sts per inch) x (stitches cast on)= width I want around the chest. Yep, perfect! Guage perfect on the sweater. Funny how wide it is starting to look …..
    Frogged the blasted thing and cast on an amount that “looked about right.”
    I agree with the other posters who suggested auctioning it off and give the proceeds to KWB.
    Cyber-hugs and sympathy!
    Barbara L in MA

  145. Yes you obviously weren’t knitting this for you. You had someone in mind the whole time you were knitting. Now you just have to remember who was on your mind the most, and that’s who you give it to.
    πŸ™‚

  146. I would get rid of the thing. Whether you burn it or donate it or ebay it, just get it out of your house. I wouldn’t give it to your daughters. They probably won’t want it since you liked the pattern (before you found out it didn’t fit) anyway. Plus, everytime they wore it, you would be reminded of what happened with it. Maybe you could hold a contest for it on this site and give it to one lucky reader. Not me, cause it definitely wouldn’t fit.
    I don’t know if I’d want to try the pattern again, but if you really like how it looks, albeit too small, go for it again. Just ask yourself how much alcohol it would be worth to repeat.

  147. Forgive me if I’m repeating what someone else has already said (don’t have time to comb through the comments right now) but you’re just popular enough that if you figured out what size that sweater really is and then you held a silent auction for it, you could give a tidy little sum to MSF.

  148. Thank you. You have no idea how much better I feel and it is all due to you! I have spent I don’t know how many hours toiling over projects, pulling my hair out in hanks (trying to figure a way to spin said hair), and creating new ways of phrasing cuss words and still things have not gone well with some patterns. Now at least I know that I am not alone in this. Even when we follow the directions (which sometimes are not clear no matter what anyone says) and still the project turns out wrong.
    I feel for you! And we must set up a page to post said patterns so that no one else will make the mistake of working said patterns without knowing ahead what can happen! I know from embroidery that there are many designers who are sadistic and know that just the fact that we bought the pattern and the yarn will force us to become raving lunatics that MUST redo and fix these patterns until the @*#$)(*#$ project comes out right. It is just our nature.
    One day, we will have a chance to all join together and cast those patterns in a large bright bonfire and laugh!
    Remember, we are with you, drink heavily and swear with conviction!

  149. I’m telling you – grnyarn did not mean green yarn. It meant organic. Try again and may the earth fairies bless you.
    No seriously, good luck no matter what you decide.

  150. Dude.. I’m small..
    hmmm gauge has betrayed you.. so sorry. that has got to be the most frustrating thing. I have one that grew.. beyond human proportions.. Some day I will hack it up..
    Well if it’s still small after you block the dickens out of it.. I will still be small too..hehehe

  151. Smacked down by the Knitting Goddess. No doubt because you did all those extra things. Nasty Knitting Goddess, leave the Harlot alone!

  152. Don’t rip it out. Give it to one of the girls. Make yourself another one. Of course this means you’ll have to go back to the LYS but, it sounds like you need a break.
    I will say this, anything that cuts across the bust with that kind of construction isn’t going to have a lot give. But you know so much more now. You’ll do it up in no time, reinvent the pattern as you go, and it will be gorgeous.
    P.S. Duplicate stitch? You did duplicate stitch?

  153. Isn’t that why God (or whatever “Greater Being” you pray to or blame for bad stuff or whatever) gave you three daughters? Doesn’t that triple the chance that it will at least fit someone in your house?

  154. Please understand, before I go further, that I understand and completely feel your pain. Having said that? Oh Thank G-d! I thought this sort of thing only happened to me and seeing it happen to a knitter whose talent and wit I so admire will make it easier the next time (not painless, but a little easier). Please don’t hate me.

  155. You know…I never thought those subscriber only special patterns were all that great anyway. Harumph.
    Would blocking help???

  156. I’m really sorry to hear about your evil sweater. My advice…put it away for a day or two then take it back out and write down how you would change it – then FROG FROG FROG! I know some commenters dont agree with me but I think that sweater is really cute and since it has only taken you a week to knit the whole thing you can re-knit the whole thing Better in about a week also. As a person with a freakishly small upper body (too bad I can’t say the same thing about my arse!) I have completed several garments only to find that they don’t fit – Or that I don’t like the way something in the pattern comes out. So I make notes and re-do it. I thought this was just my inexperience with the art of knitting – even though it sucks to be you, I’m glad to know other knitters have BIG probs with finished garments also – especially The Grand Harlot of Knitting.

  157. I say you seam the bottom, unseam the shoulders, tie the too-short arms together, felt the hell out of it and use it as a purse. That’ll teach the little bugger.

  158. Although giving it to a smaller person sounds perfectly logical, wouldn’t the sweater mock you every time you saw it on the ‘smaller person’? Would you really want to risk accidentally inflicting a fit of knitter’s rage on the completely innocent ‘smaller person’?
    I’m with the others who’ve recommended burning it. Nothing turns anger and frustration into maniacal laughter faster than tossing your nemesis into a raging bonfire…you’re inanimate nemesis…I’m not THAT nuts.

  159. Perhaps the hole in the house was a bad omen.
    I would have given up at the first problem … Stephanie, you have shown, yet again, why we are so inspired by your work, inspiration & perseverence.
    Really like the red wine & darkened room idea, too.

  160. Oh, Steph, you only lost a week on that sweater. If you love that sweater and you say you do, start over again. Now you will know what it takes and you will fly with it and have a perfect sweater in the end.
    For myself, I would screw that sweater. I only like the construction of it and finishing it would be the only satisfaction I would need. Give it away or just keep a picture of the sweater, frog it and find another use for the yarn. That’s the beauty of it. vj

  161. You have perservered longer than I would have. I am encouraged by your ability to keep going. I would have stopped short of the splicing green sections since I have no ability to be so patient and trusting of a good outcome. You have fought the good fight Stephanie!

  162. You know, that sweater never really looked quite right even on the model, who is adorable and looks good in almost everything Interweave puts on her. It’s not your fault. Bag the sweater.

  163. I’m so sorry and am screaming with you! The only recourse I have discovered is a personal blacklist of designers/pattern companies who have repeatedly (I’ve been knitting since before many of you were born) caught me by publishing a pattern that DID NOT WORK or had to be completely re-designed to work. It’s especially bad when the culprit fails to respond to inquiries so now I just save myself the trouble. Fool me once shame on you, etc.

  164. Ebay! Ebay! *Jumps up and down* Look — you’ve just found a great way to raise some money for Doctors! Offer it for auction, and watch the money roll in — think how good it’ll feel to send them the money. And to send the now much-hated sweater off to its unknown fate with a new owner . . .

  165. You will not rip out this sweater. This sweater is perfect–it was simply not meant to be yours, that is all. You know tiny people… we all know tiny people. There is a tiny person out there whose life will be incomplete without this sweater, and your life would be incomplete without a chance to go to the yarn store, drown your sorrows in another lovely shade of self striping yarns, and create this sweater with all of your perfections in mind.

  166. I’ve been reading for a while but this is the first time I post (you get sooooo many comments!)
    It’s not your fault! Gauge didn’t betray you…your gauge was dead on…it was the pattern! And, I notice you weren’t the only one who had this problem with the same very same pattern!
    I wouldn’t frog it…(I think it’s gone past the ‘point of no return’ especially considering the splicing and dicing and duplicate stitching) and based on all the comments above, you won’t have any problems finding a wearer for it whether you decide to sell it or gift it.
    But, I do suggest that you write to Interweave and let them know of the error…you KNOW the pattern is wrong since your gauge is correct.
    And, if you really love the sweater, buy new yarn and make it again, making necessary changes to the pattern…consider this, if the pattern were correct perhaps the self striping yarn would stripe correctly without all the extra effort.
    Looking forward to seeing Canadian dates (Vancouver!) on your book tour!

  167. how about giving it away to someone it will fit? someone small that you like? a daughter, perhaps? idk.
    perhaps worse than knitting feverishly on a sweater that doesn’t fit is waiting to see if the recipient of your knitting likes it…knowing that somewhere in the wide world, your knitting is out there in some stranger’s hands, and you know nothing of its new life. does the stranger like your knitting? does the stranger, a knitter, criticize your knitting? is the knitting’s feelings hurt? *sigh* participating in sockapaloooza sure is a double-edged sword…

  168. I am so sorry I made fun of your belly button sweater! I feel somehow responsible. Well, actually I don’t. (Follow your link a few posts back to the picture, that model is scrunching down to hide the shortness of the sweater and the fact that the bust is in the wrong place. It’s not you, it’s the pattern and that is proof). Isn’t it wrong when you are on gauge and it means NOTHING?

  169. Selfishly, I was hoping you were going to say it was too big. I would have volunteered to relieve you by taking it and wearing it on the 3 or 4 days of winter weather we have here in Southwest Georgia. It really is a pretty sweater!
    Cheers. Naomi

  170. My daughter, nine, lives for things to come up too small. If your daughters don’t want to wear it, donate it to an appreciative cause, and find something you will love to knit.

  171. You know who this would fit perfectly? Sarah-the-wonder-(ex)publicist. Or a very large, painfully extracted baby. I am so sorry for you. I didn’t understand about 7/8 of all the tricky knitterly stuff you did that sounded complicated and brilliant, but considering that I find ssk overwhelming and brilliant when accomplished, I can say, I’m really sorry about your sweater. This is probably why I haven’t tried anything non-square or rectangular yet.

  172. Unfortunately, this just reinforces every negative perception I’ve ever had about sweater knitting. (Not to mention the perception that you’re…. um…. nevermind?)

  173. I think it needs to go away…perhaps Warm the World, or some suitable charity. If if fits one of the girls (and they wear it) you will be reminded of it’s evilness everytime you see it.
    Away, Away I say.

  174. Oh, Stephanie…my sympathies for the size problems, but…duplicate stitch? Scary yarn splicing? You know I love you, so I hope you know that I say this for your own good, but Stephanie…
    LET THE STRIPING OBSESSION GO.
    REALLY.

  175. You are my hero Stephanie, but say this with me..WHY was the DAMN PATTERN FREE???

  176. Maybe you could donate it to a charity? It truly is a gorgeous sweater (you are an amazing knitter) and I’m sure there are lots of people who would love to have it (myself included, but lets not get into the particulars of that). Plus, donating stuff gives you that warm fuzzy feeling. Takes the edge right off.

  177. Stephanie — I’m not even sure if you’ll get to this comment (#207 I think), but felt the need to say:
    1. Dulan project sweater – will make you look virtuous and keep someone very warm (especially that duplicate stitch area!)
    2. Love, love, love the pic of your measured bust… ok, that sounds too weird. How about LLLOOOLLL over that pic. Dare I ask why you didn’t include your face?!
    3. panoptic – pretty fancy word… think I’ll have to look it up; and
    4. big huge sigh of relief over the admission that knitting has consequences beyond creating fabric. Sorry it came with such a price, but I’m way beyond knitting lite, and I have to say anyone splicing yarn for stripe coordination effect is way, way beyond!
    Now, back to that red baby thing… it’ll make you so happy, you know.

  178. um… how much did the yarn cost? Unless its very outrageously priced or irreplaceable… I would at LEAST find someone to give the sweater to, and then if you still want a sweater in that pattern and color – go buy more yarn and start over rather than unraveling all that work…
    (but then I think I’d be sick of the yarn and the pattern after knitting the whole thing, and would wait to come back to it (EVEN if it was my absolutely most favorite sweater pattern in the world – I just get sick of anything I work on for that long… which might explain why I haven’t started a sweater yet… although a sweater is smaller than a crocheted afghan right? I could do a sweater…)

  179. Oh, crap. That just sucks. I’d put it aside for a few days and work on something else for a bit. Don’t give it any attention whatsoever, not even a look. Then after a cooling off time, you’ll probably know what to do. I’d probably give it to someone else. And then put a big magic marker X over the pattern and throw it in the garbage.

  180. Oh dear. You began this relationship, if memory serves, from a place of vulnerability, looking, so to speak, to “fill a hole” in your life, find a “foundation” of stability and support that seemed at that time to be lacking. You dove headlong into a relationship with a pattern that took everything you had to give and treated it with callous indifference, yet you persisted, far beyond all reason and self respect(duplicate stitching the stripes???), desparate to make the relationship work. It’s time to disengage, admit to yourself that this sweater does not love you back, and move on. ‘Cause you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

  181. Wow. You know, all the things you did that would make it a total bitch to frog would have been amazingly clever if the sweater had worked out. It’s the pattern’s fault it doesn’t fit. I mean, if your gauge is right, and your measurement is right, and it’s still too small, what kind of warp in the space-time continuum is that? You should give the sweater away to someone smaller than you, someone you’ll never have to look at, because if you ever see the sweater again you’ll just seethe with hatred every time you see it. Better to make someone else happy. Good karma.

  182. Grrr..that sucks! I would find someone who really truly loves it, and give it to them in exchange for them buying you the wool for you to knit another…because it would be a shame to rip that one out, and even more of a shame for you to have it exist without you having one yourself.

  183. This is what I would do πŸ™‚
    With a grim look on my face, after a few deep breaths and (maybe a glass of wine or two), I would rip out the sucker – look it in the eye and say, YOU ARE MINE AND YOU WILL DO AS I BID YOU TO DO, and start all over.
    That is provided that I really really wanted a Greny…r what?
    In the end all will go well whatever you decide.
    Hugs – Connie

  184. Steph,
    I’m sorry but the sweater’s “just not that into you”, so let it go, pass it on to a fitting soul, be free of the angst.

  185. Steph… did you block yet? Or, furthermore, did you use the type of yarn indicated by the pattern? Might it be that the pattern, for once, truly WAS designed for a specific yarn so that once the damn thing was finished, it would block out to the right shape?

  186. Afghans for Afghans or the Dulaan Project have my vote. There is bound to be some small person freezing their hiney off in Afghanistan or Ulan Bator that could use the sweater. Make that sweater work for it’s misdeeds!!

  187. I also agree….EBAY! Find some young colt to model it, List as Yarn Harlot, donate money to KSF, write cost of yarn off taxes, drink hot blackberry tea, commence with new project.

  188. Here’s the thing. I’m still getting up my nerve to knit a sweater. I do socks and scarves. Socks are so darned small and once you know the tricks, easy.
    I got up the nerve to buy the Rogue pattern after reading Juno talking about it. I got up the nerve to buy yarn for it a few months later.
    But dang! If there is the chance that I’m going to penetrate the mysteries of swatching only to have the sweater jerk me around, well, that yarn might just sit around for a few more years. I need a knitting support team. I wish I lived in a knitting hotspot. Or, maybe I do and I just haven’t found the action. sigh.

  189. Alternative idea: Steek the sides and insert a panel. The sweater is styled as if pieced anyway. I can’t quite tell how the arms are constructed, but maybe pick up stitches and add cuffs to sleeves. You could do a diagonal detail on the cuff to echo the torso. If sleeves are too narrow the whole way up, add a panel to them too.

  190. Some clever guy said… It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
    Love it and love giving it away…

  191. Hate to state the obvious but next time don’t knit yourself a child’s sweater.
    …oh, and no matter how petite we think we are … we will never EVER fit a size 6X again.
    …I understand the frustration though. Make a manhattan and knit a sock. Works for me everytime.

  192. Cut off this abusive, codependent relationship and get this thing out of your life! Tell it to move on to torture someone else. Give the darn thing away!

  193. ahh, “ts” was too small all along – we were just not smart enough to see the writing on the wall. πŸ™

  194. I’ve only been reading your blog a short time (I can’t BELIEVE how many people comment here!!?!) and I just had to comment on this post. This SO happens to everyone at some stage or another and I feel just as wild when it happens to me. Thank heaven’s it doesn’t just happen to knitting doofuses like me – you give me heart to keep going! Thanks for posting your frustration. You make we mere mortals feel SO much better about ourselves. :o)

  195. Throw the damn thing out. By now, it’s caused you so much emotional trauma, the bitch isn’t worth the effort it would take you to rip it out, and knit it again.
    Or, you could just toss it into a hot wash in the washing machine, and see what kind of torture it can take.
    Thought: what if it’s one of those sweaters that’s supposed to be for a young person who has no tits, and who doesn’t mind exposing her skin from her pubes to 4″ above her navel? It’s not that sweater is too small for you. It’s that the sweater is not…. never mind. bad thought.

  196. I seem to recall that this sweater was being knit because you needed something relaxing to knit. Since it’s been anything but relaxing, it might be time to throw the sweater in the direction of the wool stealing squirrel. It might distract the beast long enough for you to wash and dry a good sized chunk of fiber.
    Then you can decide if you want to dye the fiber and you can spin the yarn the way you want it. And then knit something from the yarn. You’ll have control at all times.

  197. Donate this sweater,preferably to someone who will take it out of the country. Otherwise you will stew over it every time you see it. Take it as a sign: in spite of all the effort put into knitting it for yourself, it wants to be worn by someone else. To quote from your own writing: maybe there are no mistakes. Someone out there obviously needs this sweater more than you do.

  198. Sweaters, argh. That’s why I knit a lot of socks. You have my sympathy. But if you ever knit a sweater with really long arms, send it to me, I have gorilla arms.

  199. I’m with the Dulaan crowd. It will always give you bad vibes. Why invest more of your life in it?

  200. You have my full sympathy. I think know what happened, too. The DoR sweater was designed for Kureyon. Over at Knittinhoney’s blog, she just did a sweater in Kureyon, _got gauge_, and it’s too big. The answer seems to be that Kureyon grows. Filatura di Crosa does not grow. It’s up to you whether you could love anything made with the same yarn ripped out and reknit. On the other hand, if you have enough of the yarn for the larger size, you already have the sleeve yarn color lengths created.

  201. Burn the pattern. Have a professional level hex put on the pattern designer. Read the obits every day to see if it worked – “stupid old knitter dies, mysteriously strangled by ugly, green yarn – you’ll have your revenge. Go make something soft and pretty for yourself. You’re too lively to wear grungry green with di-dos all over it. If more is need, give it to a rest home for some tiny old lady who weighs about 92 lbs. I will await pictures of the new sweater, pretty in its infancy.

  202. Okay, as someone who is quite possibly as OCD as you are (though with not even a fraction of the knitting talent) I have to agree with every other comment that urges you to get this sweater out of your sight. Send it to someone as far away as possible.
    Now excuse me while I go force my BF and knitting friends to read this post so that they can no longer mock me for “adjusting” self-striping yarns. They won’t dare tease me for something that the harlot herself does. I feel so vindicated – ill with obsession — but vindicated.

  203. Dang, that sucks! Don’t take that crap from the Grenyrn – find somebody that fits into it and get it out of your sight! (and your site! πŸ™‚

  204. I agree with those who suggested giving it away to a smaller person, like a female offspring or one of those worthwhile charities. WEBS anniversary sale runs through the end of the month.Maybe the grnyrn is still in stock!

  205. Man, that sucks funky moose dongs. Maybe you should have a ceremonial bonfire and some sort of sweater exorcism. The karma is bad I think. Have the stinking thing put to rest (can you tell I’ve been there?).

  206. Well, My DW just read this blog post to me.. she’ll never see her needles again. Thanks in advance.
    –B

  207. Do you have a wooly board? I have had success blocking the crap out of sweaters that were too small.

  208. THis is why all knitters should have a wide selection in the sizes of your friends and family. THe sweater looks great. To bad it doesn’t fit you, maybe one of your girls?

  209. um, i’m a smaller person. πŸ˜‰
    i can’t wait to see how you’re going to fix this one. it’s better than reading a page-turner mystery novel.

  210. I think a botched pattern separates us into two categories: those who can turn their backs, throw it in the fireplace even, and move on. And then there are those who are going to show that pattern who’s boss.
    And what’s funny is, after a pattern bites me in the @%&, I swear that I hate it, and yet my drive/obsessiveness/determination pushes me to go at it again. Others may tell me to just move on. To put it behind me. And in my head I know that I could spend my time on plenty of other projects and enjoy them. But something inside me won’t let that happen. I guess I want revenge.
    I say, if this sweater is going to haunt you, you’ll probably want to give it another shot.

  211. I’m small—I’ll take the freakin’ sweater off your hands!!! (I think it’s beautiful!)
    While I am terribly sorry that this has happened to you, I’m also somewhat relieved. . . to know that I am not the only one that this crap happens to!

  212. OOOh, now’s your chance! Seize it! You have a sweater that will not work – so, unleash the full fury of your creativity on it. Steek that sucker down the middle and insert really wide button bands. Better still, steek it diagonally across the front and do a whole Star Trek uniform thing. It had its chance to fit nicely, it wouldn’t, and now it will pay!

  213. Many of us have been there. I think getting it out of your life is the best idea; E-bay with the profit going to charity or at least give it to someone. The important thing is to give without angst. The recipient will be happy and you will be too.

  214. You’re hurtin’. But look at it this way — mere mortals would have taken way longer than 4-5 days to get to this point. You are the yarnharlot — rip away, make more superballs. dont ts = dont trust sweater.

  215. Did you save the reciept for the yarn? Clearly the yarn is defective. It can’t be you, you’ve successfully knit many a sweater, and it couldn’t be the pattern, each and every free pattern is thoroughly test knitted for accuracy, (this is a well established truth) and your gauge was spot on. Clearly the problem must be with the yarn. Take it back and get a refund.

  216. You have 3 daughters, I believe. Daughters are usually smaller in stature to their mothers, I believe. Everything you knit doesn’t have to be for YOU, I believe!
    I believe I had better get out of here —!

  217. Stephanie,
    I’ve been lurking in the backround because I have in fact made this sweater. I used up most of the creative brain cells I was born with to finish the thing, but I did and it fits. I had to modify the decreases so they would behave and of course I also thought the sleeves and torso were way too short. It’s amazing the pick me up you can get from picking up stitches along the bottom of the torso and sleeves and adding a couple of inches of ribbing. By the by I used Kureyon color 80 and have many little partial balls that didn’t want to stripe my way left over. My heartfelt sympathies for the misery this thing has caused you but know that you are not alone!

  218. Donate it as a prize. Get even with it by giving it to a complete stranger. That’ll teach it.

  219. Seems like the sweater was destined for someone else … it sucks when that happens!!!
    I’d finish it and gift it, but then again … I couldn’t handle the stress of trying to frog it. I made a sweater too big with a yarn that not only disliked being tinked back to fix even a tiny mistake but became a tangled mess and broke off I tried. So It grew bigger and bigger and bigger and then I had to gift it to someone else … very sad indeed but the giftee liked it.

  220. As a do-it-by-the-book knitter, I’m relieved to know that even a knitting superstar can knit a wadder now and again. That means there’s hope for me yet!
    I’m with all those folks who say “GET RID OF IT!” But do get RID of it, don’t give it to one of the girls. It will only taunt you endlessly. It’s not pretty to hear “nyah, nyah” from a spiteful sweater. Give it away to a charity. In Siberia. You’re not likely to see it again. Unless you learn to speak Russian for bookbookbook10.
    I bet Erle is looking a whole lot more entertaining about now…
    Cheer up Stephanie. I’m sure you’ve noticed you have a lot of company by now.
    Cheers!

  221. I think we have a case of bad knitting karma, or the moon is in a bad place. I too spent my evening swearing at string, thinking I had accomplished a masterpiece just to have it laugh back at me–“Look, there’s a glaring mistake halfway up the design. You can’t ignore it or fix it–bwahahahahaha!” So I frogged. I went to bed. I woke up, went to work, read your blog and decided there is something wrong with the cosmos. Has to be.

  222. Good Grief! Give it away. Get it out of sight, out of mind. Then you can always knit another one.

  223. Well, I don’t have the patience or the time to read all the comments today, so please forgive me if this has already been said 300 times, but:
    Was this a cm vs. inches issue, again?
    If you multiply the stitches per inch gauge by the number of stitches cast on, does that equal what the pattern says should be the circumference (or front, whatever)? In other words, did the pattern designer/tech editor completely screw this up? Did THEY screw up the cm. vs. inches issue, again?
    I second the votes for eBay-ing it, though, that could indeed raise a lot of money for MSF.

  224. Stephanie, that sweater is so ugly that I think you should just quit. I really adore you, but that sweater is truly not sexy. Anyway, you full well know how evil knitting is. You took your chances anyway.

  225. My advice: don’t rip it out – its beautiful and will fit someone. Plus its filled with so much of your energy and concentration – it would be a shame to waste it. Finish it and give it away – someone will love it.

  226. It’s not worth ripping out – every time you look at the wool it will remind you of the sweater that it once was. Let it go and let it fade from memory, stick it in the next charity collection bag that comes through the door. Job done, move on (I’d like to see the return of that corset thingy you were knitting last summer if it’s still on the needles – the one where there was a cm/in whoopsie and your boobs were in the wrong place)

  227. You’ve got three daughters, right? Give it a couple of weeks and then Goldilocks it around. I know, I know, they’re teenagers and therefore not likely to want to wear anything you do. Bribery. Cajolery. Tears. These are the weapons of the mother. Godspeed.
    PS- Just read other comments and realized I’m not the only one to suggest this. I can look at this one of two ways–I’m unoriginal, or great minds comment alike. I chose door number two, Chuck.

  228. Stephanie…don’t do it over. Don’t do another one…frame it and hang it on the wall… it will be a good target to throw darts at when the spirit moves.
    WAP……bullseye πŸ™‚

  229. I’m sorry, but it’s a BUTT-UGLY sweater! Beautifully knit, but you’re a lot better looking than that sweater. Sell it for DWBs, and make yourself something nicer.

  230. I’m with the e-bay people. But I also think that you should chalk that up to being a practice sweater and take what you’ve learned about how to make it and make the sweater that you want. (The only true gauge swatch is a full-sized gauge swatch, right?)

  231. Bummer. Send it to some small, truly needy person – it’s one way to feel good about having knit it and warmed someone. You’ll be forever cursing yourself and the yarn and the pattern and the knitting goddess who betrayed you if you try to do it over, and that might call down some other, more heinous knitting disaster. Comfort yourself with your perfect gauge and a glass of really, really good wine. Then sue the designer.

  232. It’s not a very attractive sweater.
    But I bet if you felted it, it would make a pretty bag.

  233. Congratulations – I think you’ve just created a true “Rube Goldberg” sweater πŸ˜‰ (RG – large complex device to do a simple thing)
    Surrender the field. Put it up for auction and if anyone asks about the – ahem – modifications simply reply with “I meant to do that.”

  234. This sweater is obviously a gift meant for someone else. You need to figure out WHO. Then do another one and possibly teach a class on your improved version. Don’t frog this sweater. You have done a fabulous job with matching the stripes. Leave well enough alone. I’m serious on this, if you start in with a complete do over and the yarn is patched….hmmm, not good. Get more yarn, adapt the pattern and then teach a class on it. Much better idea. I also live by reckless abandon with changing the stripe frequency. Don’t frog this sweater. Oh, and have a nice day.

  235. Whew. What a post. I would say that this is one of those times when you’re just going to have to make friends with someone with a short torso, shorter arms, and huge breasts. Because the thought of ripping out that whole sweater makes me want to go hide in a closet. So don’t. Just don’t. It will be better this way.

  236. Hmm, I am just wondering if this sweater is like the other one in your meditations book that when you add water, blows up and will fit a giant?
    Could very well be!!! You never know until you try!

  237. If it doesn’t block to fit, fit one of your daughters, fit one of your knitting group, or fit the cat as a cat bed, I’d be happy to suggest myself as a small busted short armed candidate.
    We could start a list to send it to small busted short armed candidates and keep on mailing it around, snapping photos. “A where is Grenyrn?” blog ploy. Mayhap it will find someone who fits it perfectly.

  238. Last night, at the YMCA, huffing and puffing, I looked down at the pink scarf resting in my knitting bag down on the floor (yes, I bring a small project in case I have to wait for my machine to be available)… and started thinking about how “breasty” this sweater has been at every stage. Saggy-breast triangle on the first part. Uni-breast cone on the back part. Breast-flattening horizontal seam across the front. Might be a good time to pause, and remind folks to do their breast self-exams regularly.
    My sympathies on the sweater. I’ve banished sweaters before, and sent to the local thrift store, but have never shredded and burned one. This one, I’d be tempted, I think. Thanks for reminding us of “the agony of defeat” – not all of our knitting turns out well!

  239. This is so “I Love Lucy” -ish! Maybe if you yell at in spanish it will all work out in the end.

  240. It makes me feel just a little less stupid when I read about your sweater.
    Your predicament is really minor, in my honest opinion, compared to the fact that I love to knit, but have never finished ONE SINGLE PROJECT successfully.
    I cannot even force myself to quit knitting. I need some professional help (not the knitting kind).
    Any suggestions?

  241. That sucks the big one! Punish the yarn and pattern by banishing it to a dark & faraway place. You are the boss of the yarn!!

  242. Stephanie:
    The yarn is beautiful,you are lovely, but the sweater is the most god-awful ugly thing I’ve seen for ages. You don’t deserve this ugly sweater. Interweave Knits should be embarassed to publish such an awful pattern. Even that beautiful red-headed model of their wouldn’t look good in this sweater.

  243. I think the sweater is ugly too. Knit something else, something you LOVE. Send the ugly sweater to me, and I will frog it for you. And send you the wool back, if you want it!! I’m serious.

  244. Don’t rip it back – you’ll want to stab yourself in the eye with a knitting needle! See if you can farm it off on a smaller human or see if it can migrate into one of your daughters’ closets (they might not even notice it’s there…). Or see if the cat likes it – mine have a nasty tendency to claim anything soft and wooly as a bed, even though they have their own knitted bed.

  245. I also like the comment about selling it to the highest bidder (for KWB). Or blocking the hell out of it!!!

  246. Maybe it could be a prize for a contest. Whoever does the best job of cheering you up and getting you over the experience wins it. Gifts of yarn would be allowed!

  247. It’s totally Grenyrn’s fault–as an English major, I was thinking of Grendel (or, really, Grendel’s mother–she was far more terrifying to me). I think we’ve all been there on fit.
    And if you want, we’ll all pretend that it never existed.

  248. Sucks. It just flat sucks. Hmmm, a fine gift it would make for a fine friend. Or the auctioning off of said item for DWB is also good.
    Sorry though that all that hard work didn’t end up as a fine sweater for you. But for sure, somebody ELSE will love it!!!

  249. Well, that sucks big time.
    I afraid I come down in the “I didn’t like the sweater to start with” camp. Which doesn’t make you feel any better. In fact, it may make you feel worse. To me it looks like an “arty” upside-down sweater that is just trying too hard. And it made you work WAY WAY too hard for this scummy result. I vote you either find a small person who you will not see very often and so won’t have to cringe every time you see them, donate it, or auction it. Make it go out there and do good in the world – the evil thing.

  250. Wow. I am angry at this sweater, now, too!
    I would honestly say that your best bet for happiness is to give it to someone who will love it and who is worth all that work!
    Then, perhaps you can make yourself another one. later. at some time in the far distant future. Like, 2015.

  251. Throw some holy water on it, then burn the darn thing. Put a stake through the ashes, and have it sealed up in the cavernous pit of boxes where the Holy Grail went in the Indiana Jones movie. Clearly, the yarn is possessed and must be destroyed. At all costs. Then, to rid yourself of such terrible karma, knit another sock. Socks love you, are easy and very forgiving.

  252. Stuff that hideous knitting mess in the oven and bake it with a can of cream of mushroom soup. Top with potato chips and call it a night!

  253. ACK!!!
    Now I dont feel so bad for always searching out patterns that say Gauge is not important….
    I vote for a glass of wine and a bon fire…..
    Sorry!

  254. I started a second blog (which I won’t pimp here) just to showcase projects that went wrong! I would be more than happy to showcase it if you want. And then, raffle it off and donate the money! Or, you know, throw it out in your driveway and light it on fire. Whichever.

  255. There are no words I can say that hasn’t been offered. However to paraphrase a wonderful & delightful author… have lots of friends in many sizes…. Hugs…. I love Your books.. they help me in crisis… (Though I would have to knit years & years to get the expertease you have to make even the size you did… My yarn & needles bow to you…)

  256. All my sympathy..I TRULY know how you feel..remember at your book signing in Skaneateles I told you I had a story about a pillow project for my mother.
    We three sisters decided to make these beautiful intarsia pillows for her. Carolyn knit 2 rows and said forget it. Susan and I kept at it. My friend noted my disappointment in how my pillow looked and said ‘felt it’ it will look better! And so I did!!
    I would turn this project into a dollsweater and felt it.
    Becky

  257. It’s cursed. You were not meant to make this sweater. Do you like the yarn? I mean really like the yarn? Because I recommend going out into a deserted parking lot and burning the beast into oblivion. If you like the yarn, have a frogging party that includes exorcising the yarn and find another pattern.

  258. Hey – I read in your book that you stuff yarn and projects in your husband’s sweaters….could you hang this up in your closet and stuff some of your stash in it??? Maybe sock yarn???
    So sorry,
    Lisathemom

  259. So sorry this didn’t work. Maybe it would fit one of the girls, so you didn’t have to rip it out, and you could make a second one for you?

  260. Stephanie,
    I like the Afghans for Afghans idea. Imagine some small person enjoying its warmth and beauty.
    Anyway, this HAS to prove that you are NOT “size challenged”!

  261. Find a smaller person for this one, either a smaller person you know or a charity Dulaan, TSF,whichever.
    Even if you frog it, the tricks with the wool will cause too much grief to be worthwhile and you’ll end up hating the sweater for it. Reknit in a bigger size with different yarn, now you know the triangle/uniboob solutions it shouldn’t be quite so crazy-making, should it?

  262. Sorry Steph,
    We’ve all been there…I feel your pain. However, I would finish and keep this sweater as a gift for someone who can wear it and start again sometime in the future with another yarn. Maybe take some good notes about what went wrong, lessons learned w/this pattern, etc…. and put it aside for awhile. Pick some other project that will be fun for a while and give you that quick success to restore your knitting ego, then have another go….in other words, there is a time to leave it and this is it! Leave it:)
    Ang

  263. I agree with others: put it on ebay for TSF, there are plenty of midgets like me who would jump at the chance. Or stuff it under the porch.

  264. So glad the blog is up today- I got error messages all day yesterday and after this post… oooh I just couldn’t imagine you pulling your blog.
    My hardangervidda was the correct gauge and wrong size. I ripped 22 inches of that sucker- and really need to restart it so I can have it done for my husband before next winter. Sorry your sweater didn’t work.

  265. You”re screwed! Use it as wall art [really its beautiful]. Make another with new yarn just to prove it was gremlins working on the 1st one. And call it “another lesson in life.”

  266. Stephanie,
    Clearly the droopy grandma boob and the uni-boob were the extra inches you needed for length and width! πŸ˜‰
    I had thought I was more OCD than you from your book – I would rip the 200+ stitches on a mis-counted cast on, but the duplicate stitching and the super ball? Nope.
    I hope you can reach some level of satisfaction with this sweater – whether it be re-knit, donated, or burned!

  267. I think you should post it’s exact sizing and then take bids on it for MSF (doctors withour borders).
    Won’t fit any of your girls ?

  268. Someone mentioned sending it to Siberia. I send knit sweaters to orphanages in Ukraine. Is that far enough away? The next shipment goes in June.

  269. Keep saying to yourself very slowly..it’s the pattern not the knitter. The mantra will restore the knitters karma in no time. I made the same sweater with the same disasterous result. Conclusion, it cannot be done without rewriting the freaking pattern. Put the pattern away (or burn it) and slowly back away….

  270. How terrifying! I am working on my first sweater, ever, for myself. If this can happen to you, I could well be lost!!!

  271. Maybe it’s my monitor, but yikes, thems colors! Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, what are the chances you’re one of the five people in the world those colors would actually flatter?
    Give or ebay to smaller person, and knit something that’ll make you look fabulous! ^_^!

  272. felt it and make a pillow!
    but i say don’t give it away, or send it away…. sometimes we all need reminders that perfect circumstances do not always create perfect results!
    be flexible, be proud of your work, and for goodness sake START SOMETHING NEW AND WONDERFUL!

  273. So, so sorry–how frustrating! I like the idea of the charity giveaway. I think that’s what I’d do–wouldn’t have the patience for a do-over. If you do over, do it in a different yarn.

  274. SMALLER PERSON, SMALLER PERSON!
    Even if you did frog the thing and start over, with all the splicing that’s been done, it’ll never resplice to match again. (and yes I think that’s crazy in the first place, but impressive)
    Find your MINI You!

  275. WAIT! WAIT! Don’t rip it out! Please don’t rip it out!
    My version of Dibs on Ribs too ended up oddly shaped – sleeves too short and torso WAY too short – my solution?….pick up stitches around the bottom and knit 5 inches of 2×2 ribbing and wear the thing with “3/4 length” sleeves.
    I have to say it is one of my favorites now…give it a try maybe?
    good luck.
    fiberfrk

  276. Having read all the problems that you and several others have had with this sweater, I have to conclude that the pattern is just badly designed. I wonder if anyone has successfully made this sweater without redesigning the whole thing? If you have to try and make it fit you, consider stretching it. Wool stretches even easier than it felts. Soak it in hot water and stretch away while it’s really wet. I would get rid of it myself. Give it to someone smaller, put it in a charity box, or just hide it in a black hole.

  277. It is not ok to accept abuse from those you love. Ever. You deserve bettter. You must demand better.
    I know it’s hard, but that realization finally led me to break up with that most cruel of hockey teams, the DC Crapitals. It can save you so much pain at the yands (skeins?) of this evil sweater. Get out while you still can.

  278. Oh Stephanie, at least we love you. Start knitting it’s arch enemy and it will come crawling back to you.

  279. How ironic. I just read your chapter on swatching in Kniting Rules. You really inspired me to be good and get gauge. And now this… I totally feel your pain. I still think it’s your best book. Knit on!

  280. You already have a million comments, but I just have to tell you how much I relate to this one. A couple of days ago, I had to frog a tank top because it was huge on me and, I swear, the gauge was dead on perfect. If I wasn’t so busy, I’d analyze this phenomenon, but instead I just ripped it and calmly started over. I got past it, but what a blow!

  281. I’d also say ‘Auction it’. It will fit someone, and they will feel very very special because they’ll be able to see the time, and effort that went into making this jumper work. And they will also feel better because you made it.
    ~x~

  282. If the sweater is bothering you that much, will you *really* be able to love it once you frog and THEN re-knit again? Don’t know about you, but for me, every time I looked at it I would begrudge all the messing around and reknitting that I had to do, which would take all potential joy from the garment. Better to give it to someone else who will be awed by your amazing sknitting goddess-ness, never knowing that you are preally getting rid of evil incarnate in yarn form.
    Or maybe that’s just me.

  283. Burn it. I say burn the damned thing. It obviously has some master plan to gaslight you and make you think you’re crazy (the perfect gauge thing was a dead giveaway – it certainly overplayed its hand…um…*sleeve* on that one). Does it perhaps have its eye on your husband or your bank account? And now it’s trying to get you to reknit it?? Oh, sweetie…get it out of the house while you still can!!

  284. Stephanie WAIT! The sweater has a large BIAS portion and it should stretch long and narrow when worn. The yoke on the body turns the sleeves into the stretchy part, so I imagine they should stretch too, no?
    Does that help at all?

  285. When I saw this pattern, is screamed out DANGER! to me that you would ever get all those weird shaped pieces to fit an actual human (as opposed to a model). You were brave to try it but it’s not your fault.

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