1. Megan (15) announced that she is going to be “Tinkerbell” for Hallowe’en and produced a dress the size of….well. Tinkerbell. I reminded Megan of the purpose that clothing serves (to provide warmth and protection from the elements) pointed out that it is winter in Canada, and asked her, really rather sincerely whether or not she was planning on trick or treating in a red light district. Megan responded that if Tinkerbell could wear a strapless mini dress in a Disney movie rated for little kids, that surely I could have no complaints with this attire. I countered with the fact that Tinkerbell in the movie is ANIMATED and had no real breasts and bum under there and also she had wings to fly away if she got cornered in an alley wearing her hussy dress, and that Tinkerbells mother must have been an idiot to let her out of the house that way.
Meg said that she bet that Tinkerbell snuck out and changed her clothes at a party because her mother was totally out of touch with everything that mattered.
I took a deep breath and said nothing (a huge parenting skill.)
2. Joe had the phone with him while he took a bath today, since he couldn’t take the chance of missing an important call. (I actually believe that this was more because he was playing a game of phone keepaway so that I couldn’t call anyone and thusly shift the balance of phone possession, but I have no hard proof.) Halfway through his bath he decided that he could give up the phone for 10 minutes and called me to come get it. As I started up the stairs I heard him making another call and turned around and went back into the living room. A few minutes later he sang out to me again that I could have the phone, and I went upstairs and collected it.
Me: Thank you.
Joe: No problem. Why didn’t you come get it when I called you first?
Me: Because you were using the phone.
Joe: Not really.
Me: How do you “not really” use the phone?
Joe: I wasn’t.
Me: You were.
Joe: It was just a quick one.
Me: Is this phone wet? This phone is all wet!
Joe: Not really.
Me: Not really? It’s an electronic device and it’s all wet. Water and electronics don’t go.
Joe: It’s ok.
Me: How is it ok?
Joe: It’s low voltage.
I said nothing (an excellent marriage skill.) I just dried off my phone, and I knit.
3. Phone call with my sister this afternoon:
Me: How are you?
Erin: I’m exhausted. I’ve had quite a day.
Me: What were you doing?
Erin: Drawing chalk outlines of a friend in a hundred dead guy poses on sidewalks all over Toronto.
Erin: Steph…it’s glow in the dark chalk.
Say nothing. Knit, knit, knit