And the horse it rode in on.

I am not smart at all. I have written books in which I speak of gauge and it’s perils. I have experienced gauge issues first hand, I have personally felt the burning, bitter twist of the knitting needle when the cruel mistress that is gauge smacks me down so hard that a cardigan won’t zip up over my perfectly reasonably sized breasts….or endured the teachable moment of having the sleeves of a pullover sweep past my hands and brush my so-much-lower kneecaps. I have suffered…I have learned. I have come to place the myth of gauge in a position of respect.

I acknowledge now that the whims of the gauge over-lords are dangerous and I do not taunt them. When I care about the size of a finished object, I knit a swatch. I do not cheat. I do not knit tiny little squares and call them swatches.. .. I even wash the swatches that the water may reveal the true nature of my swatch and not leave my soft knitterly underbelly free to the sharp talons of the gauge beast lurking in the darkness waiting for the moment when I will be vulnerable. I now know that even if you are a careful knitter you can still get totally screwed for reasons you will never truly understand. I know this the way (most days) I know the names of my children. I understand.

Why then, oh why, am I surprised and upset that this yoga bag,

Rippingyogabab0104

Which I swatched for deeply and honestly,

Swatchforyogab10104

Will not go around the yoga bag in any way, shape or form and I have to pull the whole thing out? Can you say “slow learner”?

Idiot. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I measure it sooner? How come I knit up a whole ball of Noro into that thing before I checked? Have I not been screwed before on this? Seriously. SLOW LEARNER. Right here. Gonna get a tee-shirt. I am not surprised that I was a gauge victim. I happens to the best of us. I am surprised that I fell for it. Screw gauge and the horse it rode in on.

We hates it.

In other news, Eggs do not have gauge, and now they have guidelines and notes penciled on.

Eggswithpencils0104

Everyone guessing the next stop is wax, is right. Gonna be cool.

(And no. I’m not early for Easter. I’m very late for Christmas.)

Finally, I’ll be speaking at the Kitchener-Waterloo Knitter’s Guild on January 9th (that’s next Tuesday) at 7:30. They meet at the Waterloo Memorial Recreation Complex, and non-members (like me) can come to the meeting, but they need to bring a toonie. I hope I see you all there.

I think I’ll bring the eggs that night. Clearly I can’t knit my way out of a paper bag.

138 thoughts on “And the horse it rode in on.

  1. But you’re early for Ukrainian Christmas!!
    Waterloo eh? I’ll have to see about a road trip….

  2. If I knew where to get one of those ‘I ride the short bus’ t-shirts, I’d send you one. And get me one of those ‘my therapist says I’m special’ ones for me. Am I the only one still mystified by the eggs? 🙂

  3. Gauge is the evil beastie that keeps us humble no matter how long we have been knitting or how much we swatch!!!

  4. Wow, I had no idea about toonies and toonie popping. But since it seems that since everything I love turns out to be Canadian, I’d better read up!
    Step by step egg pix, please…

  5. Clearly you are the victim of your cold medicines. They must have alter your perception on the gauge swatch. How ever if you want to bring your eggs to Madrona Fiber Arts we will enjoy that too.

  6. HI, Beth in WI! We must be up early here…well, no snow, can’t ski. Gauge. Swatch. I hear you, Oh Yarn Harlot. My way out is to knit stuff that doesn’t need gauge. I was scared off badly some years ago when I knit a baby bonnet on a trip to the Yoo-Pee. It was beautiful, it was soft, it was neat — and it was waaaay too big for my large-and-round-headed husband. I threw it away and took up shawls and toques. I admit cowardice. Can’t wait to see the eggs!

  7. And now,Ladies and Gentleman, we come to the most crucial moment in our new reality show, Top Sheep, where our harshest judge, Precision Gauge, will measure the project and see if it rises to the standards of a master fiber manipulator, or, the Top Sheep. Judge Gauge is looking very doubtful here…he’s stretching the yoga bag…and…
    (Precision Gauge) That’s too bad–the Yarn Harlot’s usually strong in so many categories, but here, I think is the chink in the armor. Still, mastering gauge is a learing experience–I’m thinking that with all of her other strengths, and the fact that the Harlot can master thousands of knitters who will come down to the studio and hurt me, Ms. Harlot is still our Top Sheep!
    (I’m developing a mad love affair with Noro, btw…oooh…that yarn is one sexy beast…)

  8. Oops…I hate it when that happens. I’m not sure about that whole egg thing, though. At least if you mess up the knitting, you can pull it out and start over again. If you mess up an egg…you’ve totally lost it.

  9. Sorry about the gauge trauma, but I do loves that yarn! What kind of Noro and what color way?

  10. Oh, Steph. Oh, Stephanie.
    I feel your pain.
    I’ve started knitting miniature socks for purposes of gauge swatches for erm…regular sized socks. This is after I knitted an entire sock without realizing my in-the-round gauge differed from my flat-knitted gauge swatch. I found out two weeks ago that this is likely because my size 0’s got mixed in with my 1’s. *headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*
    On a brighter note (and completely off subject), I plied some rainbowdey soysilk/wool today and it is so lovely I almost cried.

  11. It’s an evil thing I do here, quoting your own words back at you, but it has to be said:
    SWATCHES LIE!
    Having had a few such episodes myself, I sympathize with the irritation.
    Lovely patterns on the eggs, by the way.

  12. Ah, the wicked way with words is back! You must be feeling better. No, you’re not a slow learner. You’re an optimist. Totally different.

  13. If we lived near each other, I would pick you up and we would go and buy a smaller yoga mat. One that would fit in that bag! I can’t wait to see the eggs – they are going to be beautiful.

  14. Ohhhh, I get it about the eggs now! Yesterday you had me seriously stumped.
    As for gauge, it is pure sulfur-scented evil.

  15. Steph,
    I feel your pain. I just ripped out half a hat because my swatch lied to me! Can’t wait to see the eggs finished.

  16. Hungarian Eggs! I never knew you used wax. I can’t wait to see. Ummm…do you, you know, remove the egg guts? ’cause dude…they’re gonna smell worse than week-old wet wool that’s been shoved in a corner of the basement. Not that I know this personally…um…really…but I’m just sayin’…

  17. You’re just not suspicious enough. Me, I’ve have spent half of my knitting time measuring it and then measuring it some more (I have a sweater that’s not yet three inches long and I’m already testing for fit). I’d have measured it to death, finished it and then realised I was measuring it against the wrong thing. Errors in principle get me every time.

  18. I may be committing sacrilege here but what the heck — Read my lips: forget gauge. I do, at least in some circumstances. I’ve learned that gauge is a definite requirement when trying to do socks. But other stuff like pillows and sweaters and scarves? I just call myself a freeform knitter and adjust the pattern as I go along to make it fit . . .
    Of course, you have the antihistamines and the flu to blame for this debacle.

  19. You’re insane. Don’t you realize that the best, most logical solution is not to rip back the yoga bag, but rather to CUT the yoga mat until it reaches a length short enough that, when rolled up, it fits perfectly into your yoga bag?? Tiny square yoga mats are all the rage!

  20. Noro has the same effect on me. I swatch, I check gauge, I knit, I cry. I don’t know what it is with me and self-stripy yarns like that which make me knit longer than I ever should have before realizing things were too small/big/ginormous.
    Anyways, good luck. The eggs are going to look wonderful.

  21. I too have been bitten by the gauge beast. And yet I still tempt fate by taking a yarn I’ve been told blooms substantially and knitting a sweater and just “figuring in that blooming”. Doesn’t work well.

  22. Has anyone else heard them called Pysanky eggs? I always heard they were Ukranian, but I imagine many Eastern Europeans make them. They were easily my favorite thing about Easter growing up.
    Also, I wanted to send you this article, when you have time to read it. You may even want to post the link on the blog. Briefly, it’s an article by (philosopher) Peter Singer about philanthropy big and small, and the developed world’s obligation to give to the developing world, particularly the world’s poorest. Peter is fantastic anyway, but this article really spoke to me, and it may speak to you, too. It was published in the NYT Magazine a few weeks ago: http://www.utilitarian.net/singer/by/20061217.htm

  23. For the first time in years I actually swatched for a sock, really, in the round and everything. I wanted to make sure it fit my youngest son’s foot perfectly. I then went on my merry way with the measurements I got from the swatch and cast on.
    Guess what? It was too freakin’ big!
    I am never swatching for socks again, swear to god.

  24. I love pysanki and wish I would have paid more attention. I have some displayed that my great grandmother did. I’ll have to do a photo shoot.

  25. A gauge swatch recently lied to me too. Now I won’t return its phone calls.
    Can’t wait to see the finished eggs!

  26. If I gave you my address and US money, could you send me a toonie? I love polar bears, but I don’t see a trip north anytime soon…
    Jill

  27. “. . . this yoga bag. . . [w]ill not go around the yoga bag.” I know I’m just a dumb yankee knitter, but I’m missing a quintessential element in this. Why does the yoga bag need to go around the yoga bag?
    Curious Leslie, in balmy and warm Bucks County, PA.

  28. You Canadians and your foreign money…a toonie? 😉
    Sorry about the yoga bag, sometimes gauge decides it needs to rear its ugly head and punish one of the best knitters we have. Perhaps if all the knitters around the world and touched feet (since hands will be busy) whilst knitting swatches? Maybe that would appease gauge for a while, so she’ll leave you alone…

  29. Pysanky! Wow, I haven’t made those in ages… I wonder if my Mom still has my old ones… What fun. Great. Now I’m going to want to make these again with my multitudes of free time…
    (Skipping over the gauge issue altogether, here…)

  30. Kitchener-Waterloo, huh? is that where the kitchener stitch originated? LOL Glad you are feeling better. My friend makes me Ukrainian eggs with quilt patterns on them (as I am a quilter as well as knitter)! Hope yours turn out beautifully!

  31. Eggy Christmas tree ornaments? Hey, maybe instead of frogging you can use the Noro yoga-mat-thingy as an egg cozy. It looks like the eggs are gonna be really pretty and well worth . . . cozying.
    I have one stray sock that measures the same guage as every other sock I ever knitted but for some reason is too big even for bigfoot. I still can’t figure it out.

  32. Unless my eyes deceive me (which they have been known to do), it appears that you did not knit the yoga bag in the round. Couldn’t you, then, add a ‘design element’ (my very most favoritist knitting-saving device) by taking the orange-ish yarn (the non-Noro) and knitting a strip the length of the bag and the width equal to the amount by which you need to expand the bag? You’d have two seams to sew instead of one, but you wouldn’t have to rip and re-knit the bag. You could even attach the strap at the orange strip, making it look even more like it belongs.
    Just a thought.

  33. Subtle, these Canadians. All that grizzling just so she could take us off-guard with the mere pencilled guidelines on the eggs. My actual words are prohibited by the FCC (though the first initial’s a hint. First word was actually “HOLY…” followed by several more.)
    But you can make a case for it being the anihistimine’s fault. Obviously it hasn’t worn off, or the line under the picture wouldn’t say “Will not go around the yoga bag in any way.” The bag won’t go around the bag? Lambie, that’s no way to talk about yourself.

  34. Gauge swatches do lie…
    Eggy-wegs – when I was taught, we didn’t wash ’em (of course, we also were told not to use store bought, so that might be the difference). I’m looking forward to seeing yours. Keep us posted!

  35. Oh what beautiful colours in that Noro. Cut the darn thing up into ovals and glue them on the eggs.haha If you are half as stubborn as I you will get that guage right no matter what. Wish I were like “”Bewitched”” and could wiggle my nose and be with you when you go to blow the eggs out. –I broke a few after doing the kistka and the dying. Good thing no one was around me at the time . Nevertheless it was all worth it. Just like knitting its all worth it GOOD Luck

  36. Swatches even lie to designers, I figure that’s what’s going on when a pattern seems really out of whack, give’m the benefit of the doubt. If I can get the Valiant running I’ll see if I can bring the SnB girls to Waterloo.

  37. I recently made a Latvian Tim Horton’s coffee cup cozy. It’s gorgeous (fringe, braids, the whole bit) but I really needed mittens. They’d have maybe fit a lumberjack….maybe. Sigh. I’ll learn someday.

  38. Yarn is a living thing. a swatch is piece of a whole, and while it give you a clue, it can’t really tell you what the whole will do.
    It’s an amazing thing that anything fits anyone at any time.
    your mistake is not in swatching, but in thinking swatching is the answer. swatching isn’t an answer to how the yarn will actualy behave, it’s just a clue.
    knitting is like watching your children grow.
    you think you know, from their childhood, what they will grow to be, but amazingly, the runt child, (the half pint, the lady apple, the pretty little thing!) at some point grows, and grows, and becomes a graceful tall woman.. (and you have know idea how it happened!

  39. I don’t know if it will make you feel any better, but today when I washed a load of diapers, I forgot to put the diapers in. Yup, just a load of water and soap. And this is not an isolated incident…

  40. Could it not be punished with a good felting and convinced to become an over the back shopping bag? It may be the perfect size for a few wheels of cheese, some grapes and a baguette.
    Have fun with the eggs!

  41. Love your blog. Sorry to hear about the gauge but it makes me feel more like a part of a community. I knit and knit and sometimes get gauge. I want it to work every time but if the best has trouble occasionally, who am I to complain?

  42. Hold it – you’re SPEAKING at the meeting and you have to buy your way in? Assuming you were invited, their hospitality chair should be taking care of that.

  43. Okay, I’m not getting what the problem is. The bag won’t fit around the bag? What? Am I really this dense? Guess so.

  44. ONe more thing I was told after breaking some eggs when blowing them out was to get some free range chicken eggs as the shells were tougher and didn’t break as easily —all this after the fact

  45. I hate to ask, but did you swatch flat and knit ’round? Cause boy, did that one ever bite me in the arse.
    My belated Xmas present (camera) arrives tomorrow and I will take that picture that I promised you. Thanks for your patience!

  46. I am a KW guild member and will be in attendance with my sister and her friend who are not members (they don’t live nearby).
    I love the colours of that Noro- why do I always love other peoples Noro better than what I see in the store. Oh wait I shouldn’t complain about that as I have no money for yarn.

  47. And I guess the good news is that you found this out BEFORE felting it, right? So you can still rip!

  48. OOOOOOOH Owwwwwwww! I am sorry about the yoga bag. A couple of good suggestions above tho, I liked the adding of a verticle stripe. ….nodding….. The eggs will be so lovely. I can’t draw anything on the flat. Drawing on a rounded oval is enough to make me faintly dizzy.
    Cool beads! I love beads…I stay out of bead stores and rock stores. Magpies run in my family

  49. Fagetaboudit!!! (insert bad accent) The whole yoga bag thing is just the universe’s way of making you feel really awesome the next time you make something really amazing (remember the wedding shawl?). It’s the whole–“the bad makes us appreciate the good” concept.
    Can’t wait to see the eggs!
    Was a little slow on the uptake on that one!

  50. Ooooo you do Pysanky too?! It is such a lovely art. I had to put mine away for a while with a toddler running around. Fire, hot wax, fragile eggs – not a good combo. I can’t wait to see them as they progress.

  51. My guess is that you knit your swatch while stoned on cold medicine, and knit the bag straight, or vice-versa. Moral: if you knit the swatch while stoned, you must remain stoned while knitting the finished product.
    I should talk: I spent last night painfully tinking out most of a sweater in Italian mohair chenille. It was so tight that the stitches locked, so I couldn’t just frog it out the normal way.
    A note on the power of your blog: After reading yesterday’s comments, it took all my strength to *not* put a pack of floss threaders in my grocery cart. I don’t do beaded knitting!

  52. Boy am I glad I read your blog today…reasons are too numerous to mention but I will say a big THANKS to you for inspiring me to do some dreaded unraveling of a sock (an ENTIRE sock except for grafting the toes ‘cuz I knew I wouldn’t make the second one since the first one was so H-ugly!) I’m gonna give the Jaywalkers pattern a go…Hope you feel better soon and oh yeah, that new Sivia (sp?) Harding sock pattern is gawjus, simply gawjus 🙂 p.s., what are the eggs for?

  53. Ooooh! “Design element” I know who gave you that idea… my friend Liz! LOL Hey, it’s worth a shot. Someday you simply must try to meet Liz. She’s great fun. Ask her about the sweater she made for her husband for Christmas. She totally understands about gauge gremlins, Steph.

  54. Not smart. Slow learner. Why, that sounds just like – yes! obviously that must be the Yarn Harlot.
    Hey Rams, you see any of them porkers circling today?
    Sheesh.

  55. Not smart. Slow learner. Why, that sounds just like – yes! obviously that must be the Yarn Harlot.
    Hey Rams, you see any of them porkers circling today?
    Sheesh.

  56. YAY!!!!!! You will finally be in the same city as me, on the same day as me, at a time when I can actually attend!!! I may just have to come.

  57. Well crap. Sometimes you can’t even buy a break. At least the yarn is Noro, so knitting with it again won’t be as bad as say, steel wool.

  58. Oh, a day is not complete until I read your blog. It is so comforting to know that I’m not the only person with such, shall we say,an “adventerous” way with simple daily events.
    And yes, you can knit your way out of a paper bag!If you begin frogging on your way into the bag and knit when you get to the bottom, just folow the trail of yarn back to the top. Kind of like Hansel and Gretel ya know.

  59. Just. Plain. Sucks.
    I have just spent the better part of all day knitting swatches for my first attempt at an EZ sweater. I’m afraid, flying semi-patternless like this. Your post has not reassured me.

  60. Woe is me. I live in Kitchener and therefore should be front row centre next Tuesday night for your talk. But alas, I am in B.C. visiting my daughter and grandchildren until January 17th.
    When you occasionally make mistakes it makes me feel a little less incompetent myself ( if you can make a mistake ANYONE can.)

  61. Too big is better than too small, because, hey, FELT! I knit a cardigan that I loved. I swatched it, too, so it would fit. But I swatched stockinette and it was knit in garter. SIGH … It made a lovely felted jacket, however.

  62. Would those be Pysanky you’re making? My dad emigrated from Poland and I have fond memories of him teaching me how to make them with things like beet juice dye and grass dye, etc! How fun!

  63. Oh, by the way, anyone coming to visit the Guild to see Stephanie (I’m a member too and I CAN’T WAIT!!!): I highly recommend bringing more than a toonie. There’s a yarn table where some of our members sell their leftovers, and (even more awesomely), some of our local spinners sell their gorgeously delectable fibre wares. And hey, if you want to make a day trip of it, our LYS, http://www.clothandclay.ca/, is just a couple minutes away (it closes at 6:00 p.m.) at Waterloo Town Square and it is FABULOUS.

  64. quote:
    “the water may reveal the true nature of my swatch and not leave my soft knitterly underbelly free to the sharp talons of the gauge beast lurking in the darkness waiting for the moment when I will be vulnerable.”
    Uh, Stephanie? You been playing dungeons and dragons lately?

  65. Hi, I read about your blog on the WEETU Chronicle. Just thought I’d let you know that having it on there has actually led to at least one visitor. I’ve got blogs, too, three of them, but it would seem that I can’t blog my way out of a paper bag, because the very idea of 81 comments …….well, it leaves me wordless, and (might as well admit it) downright envious. Congratulations!

  66. Swatch? Gauge? Wassthemthen?
    Over here it goes like this – knit something. If too small, rename it. If too big either shrink it or rename it. Or both. Simple!
    Sorry – flippancy due to slight heartbreak that little $2 bills with robins on are gone 🙁 *sniffs* I loved them. But then I loved Canadian robins. Just so…so BIG 😀

  67. Oh the threat of gauge. All too often I have run into the same problem. It was this Christmas, a sweather I am calculating by scratch and with Noro as well. I really feel your pain because if you bought that Noro, you fully understand the hurt and anguish if it doesn’t work out. There is no casting it aside to move on to other projects. You have to rip it out because that Noro, that $26.95 a skein Noro meant that you couldn’t eat that week, buy loved ones Christmas presents and buy champagne to ring in the New Year.
    Noro sleeve disaster: http://web.mac.com/melissajmills/iWeb/Site%203%20/Blog/2A840B4A-11D5-4C3A-A264-D71CD180804D.html
    Gauge disaster: http://web.mac.com/melissajmills/iWeb/Site%203%20/Blog/00DFA762-E4E9-438F-9240-9A0D556017C1.html
    You may recognize one of those sweaters on the Noro Sleeve disaster page to be your own pattern posted on Knitty.com. It was a great little knit – now my friend is knitting it for her daughter.

  68. Gauge bites. I have the teethmarks to prove it. I did a gauge swatch before I started knitting this pair of fingerless gloves last weekend. On a “known” yarn (did a project in it last year), using the same needles that got gauge the last time.
    And it got gauge this time. (And may I just state for the record that the gauge swatch was darn near bigger than the glove itself?!)
    And yet, the first glove initially came out a teensy bit *short* (from thumb to mid-finger) and a teensy bit *tight* (around). ARGH!

  69. I’d be so laughing if I hadn’t spent the better part of the past two days obsessively measuring the back of the sweater vest that is *supposed* to be breaking The (Black Sweater) Curse here at chez trek.
    Yes, obsessively. Like every two rows or so. Just to make sure that my gauge on a size 6 needle didn’t somehow shrink to 3 rows per inch or something.
    And, oh, yes, my precious, gauge, we hates it.

  70. I want a t-shirt bearing the phrase, “Gauge flaunter,” or “Swatches, we don’t need no stinking swatches” or something to that effect. ‘Cause seriously, I can’t be the only person who knits up a swatch and later discovers that my gauge has changed slightly after knitting five inches of a sweater.

  71. Someone may have already answered your question about how to thread beads onto yarn… but if not, this is my favorite way:
    Use glue, gesso, craft cement, or any other crafty adhesive that dries hard to turn the end of your yarn into the needle by dipping the yarn into goo of your choice, and twisting the end to a point. When you have a firm, pointy yarn end, you can just slip the beads right on!

  72. Think(big mistake) that i know where the gauge gremlin lives—ya know when you pull out the mooshed up yarn from the middle of the ball? I think it is so glad to see the light and the fresh air that it will knit any gauge you want just to be FREE AT LAST– the trouble comes when you get passed the mooshed part then the gauge takes a big breath and LAUGHS OUT LOUD at the vain mortals who think they are such smarty pants!!!

  73. Perhaps now is the time to teach young Hank to love yoga and find him a nice – miniature – yoga mat.
    Also, I do not see any blowing holes. Does this mean that the eggs are boiled? Do you guys do ‘egg wars’ up there with your hard-boiled, obviously painstakingly decorated eggs?

  74. I made Ukrainian Easter Eggs in a crafts class back in 8th grade. I loved it! They are fabulously fun and look so amazing when finished. I want to do them again some time, but I doubt it will be any time soon. So, yeah, I’m just a bit envious right now.
    I think the knitting gods have been angered for some reason because I had serious knitting issues this week too. I’m notorious for making my hats a little too shallow to comfortably cover my ears. However, this week, I had a first. The new hat I made (with my first attempts at Fair Isle no less) ended up too deep! It looks like a bucket hat for Sasquatch. Grrr! I don’t want to redo it either! We must figure out a way to appease the knitting gods again so they will stop their evils against us. Isn’t it enough that they’ve sent their faeries to hide my size 9 DPNs? Darn you, knitting gods and your needle stealing faeries! 🙂

  75. You’re early for Orthodox Christmas! It’s not till the 6th or 7th…can’t remember off hand which. Mom’s side is still Russian Orthodox.

  76. Technically you’re not late for Christmas if you can have them done by Saturday.
    Rams called you Lambie. Happy sigh. My mummy called me Lambie.

  77. You know… I knitted my yogabag in the round and did lace. I think its stretchier, or it could be me just tricking myself. ^^;; That happens a lot too. But it’s okay, honey, gague is a fickle, tricky mistress. It happens.
    I don’t get what you’re doing with the eggs. Maybe it’s because I’m “uncultured” but still… I really can’t figure it out.

  78. Yay! You’re coming to K-W! This is very exciting!
    As for the yoga bag – why not get a new mat that will fit? 😀

  79. gauge…I’ve got lovely yarn still being punished for its cruel defection to the dark side. it especially pains me because it is gorgeous superwash sportweight handpainted by ME in delicious shades of red and orange with just hints of deep yellow. -sigh-
    as for knitting in a paperbag–my mum did once! she was making an afghan for my dad for a gift and didn’t want him to see, but didn’t have enough time to only knit on it when he wasn’t around. dozens of various sized rectangles knitted, literally, inside a paperbag!

  80. Screw gauge, and glory in the fact that you live in a country that has put a polar bear on its national currency instead of a succession of thick-headed male politicos. Just when do you think our US of A will get around to putting an endangered species – not to mention an artist or musician (many European/South American countries) or Nancy Pelosi (YAY!!) on a coin?? Have a glass of wine, and toast the toonie.

  81. Oh, pigeon, I’m sorry.
    It happens to the best of us.
    On the bright side, you can take solace in being one of the best of us.

  82. I learned how to make Ukrainian Easter eggs when I studied Russian history as an undergraduate in college. I LOVE THEM!!! The summer after I finished my BA (a time of sparse employment and unclear direction) my two main accomplishments were:
    1) relearning how to knit after putting it down for 2-3 years because of eye trouble (too much reading + poor eyes + staring at my hands as I s-l-o-w-l-y made each stitch = headaches);
    2) making a series of pysanky which probably took me around 6 hours each.
    For those of you who aren’t familiar with this wax resist technique for dyeing eggs, I highly recommend Jane Pollak’s “Decorating Eggs: Exquisite Designs with Wax and Dye.”

  83. Sorry about the gauge thing! But, hey, you are only human and that great Noro yarn was seducing you into knitting without measuring.

  84. Somehow the fact that this can happen to you (perhaps related to the cold medicine) cheers me up about the fact that sock one of lifetime pair 3 is spectacular, comfortable and encouraged me to order much, much more sock yarn. While its mate, sock two seems not to fit on my ankle! I didn’t check the gauge part way through because the other sock in the pair came out so well. Of course i tried on sock one every couple of rows because it was so much fun but since sock two had the same number of stitches and same needles and yarn, I didnt think to check until i finished the heel. arggh. Must have been in a tighter knitting mood. Enjoy the eggs

  85. Hey Harlot — maybe it’s not your gauge? Maybe you got a new yoga mat for Christmas and it was still rolled up tight in the shrink-wrap when you measured it for fit? So you got your gauge right and all? But then you unwrapped the mat? And you know how you can never roll it up that tight again? Like re-folding a map?
    Just sayin’…

  86. Now, Steph, I don’t understand the pencil marks? Doesn’t that show once you take off the wax? I always just use a few little dots of wax for guides. Good idea on getting rid of the bumps though…a lot easier than looking through 47 dozen eggs for the ones with no bumps!
    Barb B.

  87. Here’s what I do when I have a guage mess on my hands. I stop and try to remember how much I love to knit, then I frog and start again. This works because I am a process knitter, and I can tell myself that I’m gettng more knitting done on that project. Well, most of the time it helps!

  88. If you intend to celebrate all twelve days of Christmas as you indicated you would some time ago, your eggs can still be in time for Twelth night.
    Eggs or no eggs, have a blast on Friday night.

  89. OOh, is this that thing where you blow the egg out of the shell and use wax to mark where you paint the eggs and they turn out so delicate and intricate and NO KRISTEN YOU’LL BREAK IT WHAT DID I TELL YOU STOP TOUCHING THEM ARGH!!
    ?
    Is that the one? Because we did that in girl scouts years ago and my eggs were the coolest…and the first ones broken. But boy, did I have fun!

  90. I once knit an earflap hat that really wanted to be a purse when it grew up…so, it did.
    Gauge is the mother of creativity.

  91. Hi! It might not be a yoga bag, but the colors are awesome. I have lots of trouble with gauge – I keep needing smaller and smaller needles, until finally I am using something impossibly small for the yarn in question and then suddenly my gauge tells me I need a bigger needle. I feel like I can never win.
    I didn’t know that kind of egg was a Christmas tradition – what have I been missing all these years?
    Enjoy the rest of the twelve days thereof. – Karen

  92. You know, I never would have known what the hell a “toonie” was. In fact, if that was the final answer on jeopardy, I’d be up sh*t’s creek. But now I know… Good luck.

  93. I hate when sneaky gauge happens.
    Non-guild members get to see you for a toonie? What a great deal, I wish I lived somewhere close to Kitchener.

  94. Oooh! K-W is not far! I am going to be there. Will jam the car with knitters and see you there.
    More knitterly outings are always necessary.

  95. If you are engaging in Pysanki, then you have the answer to your beading dilemma… because you have wax available. Wax that melts, so that it can soak into, say an end of yarn. And then magically it stiffens a bit, so that you can manipulate it, perhaps pinch it/pack said yarn end into a fairly narrow and somewhat pointed. Voila! Beadable yarn, with no further expenditure of sheckels or travel.
    Why aren’t I this brilliant when looking at my own problems?

  96. I too know the twists of fate as the knitting goddess lays the smack down on the beleagured knitter! I’m a new knitter meaning I have 5 projects under my belt, all successful. So what happens when you’re a new knitter, and immediately succesful? Your “hat” ends up a mobeus neck cozy for someone 9 foot 3 in the lovely shade of “milkyway” or in my terms, sick dog turd. But i’m not bitter.

  97. Cool! My brother (when we were teenagers) used to be a master at doing the Ukrainian eggs. We were lucky enough to go to a high school that taught the Russian Language. Which was nice since my mom is Polish, Russian and Hungarian. We got to learn one of our mother tongues! I second the fact you are not late for Russian Orthodox Christmas, which is the 7th.
    hmmmm…maybe you can use the bag to store your handy softball bat used to beat off would-be burglars. 🙂

  98. Lovely colors, though! Heh, good idea on the burglar bat storage!
    Hmm, I once had a Ukrainian egg decorating kit. I wonder where it went… I never tried it, for lack of being able to round up a patient conspirator.

  99. Steph, you’re being too hard on yourself. Clearly someone replaced your Yoga bag with one of a larger size… I love the eggs, and I can’t wait to see them finished! Thanks for showing us something new!

  100. Clearly you just need a smaller yoga bag. Couldn’t that gorgeous object be used for something else? Stick a liner in it and use it by itself maybe?

  101. wow!
    i grew up doing those kind of eggs…. ukranian egg dying? or some such similar…
    have you done them a lot before?
    my mother did beautiful ones for christmas ornaments, and my sisters and i primarily just screwed around.
    but i’ve actually been thinking about them a lot recently… the little cone wax drawing utensil thing… i would love to do them again.
    have fun! 🙂

  102. I’m not reading through 122 comments to see if someone posted the same thing, but your line about being a “gauge victim” has me cracking up over the mental image of a CSI-type chalk-outline of a sweater with one of those little yellow markers identifying it as a “gauge victim”. People milling about snapping photos and measuring ratios. A tape measure is found nearby… Someone should totally make a button!

  103. I love it that you’re going to do pysanki. I used to do them before I got a tremor in my right (and dominant) hand. Grrrrrr But I have a suggestion: don’t blow the eggs til the dyeing is done and you’ve gotten the wax off. Trying to dye an egg that floats (if you’ve sealed up the hole) or one that fills with each dye color (if you haven’t) is the way to a vocabulary lesson in words of abuse. Just sayin’.
    Best of luck, and in-progress pictures would be great.

  104. sorry about the gauge, but love the colours! I’m looking forward to seeing how those eggs turn out. You’re way more creative than I am. I’d be in the midst of omelette heck by now!

  105. Deep sympathies for the gauge thing. Grrrrr…..
    How cool! Ukranian eggs. Learned to do this is Edmonton. There’s a good store just off the QEW Niagara St. exit in St. Catharines where you can get the supplies and dyes and stuff.
    Enjoy the smell of the beeswax, try a downward dog and then reconsider the yoga bag.

  106. I KNEW that’s what you were doing with the eggs! My Ukranian finacee and I make the eggs every year for his Easter and it is so much fun. He used to make them with his mom when he was very small. And for our very first Valentine’s Day together, my present to him was a Pysanky workshop at the Ukranian Museum in NYC. It was so cool that we look forward to egg-time every year. Good luck!

  107. My mom and I took a class together… YEARS … ago in Pysanki.
    I LOVE to do them, and will have to start doing them again, now that the kids are older.
    I still look at the store bought eggs that I buy with an eye for the weak spots. Believe me, there are plenty!
    OOOHHHHH!!!! the guage swatch!!! It LIES, I tells ya’!!! Don’t ever believe it!
    I made socks for my kids, and would swatch it by starting the sock, and then trying it on their feet, making sure it fit… several times!
    Good luck, and PLEASE take pictures of the eggs along the way!

  108. Bummer on the yoga bag, loverly Noro! I love the stuff. The eggs are going to be really nifty when they are done. Hope you are feeling better.

  109. Wow what a site!! Love your multitalented ability to communicate in words and fiber:) Got any tips on where to go for great yarn in Cape Breton and PEI? I’m off to Nova Scotia in June (I’m a knitter and Yan Shop employee from Taos,New Mexico, USA) and don’t have a clue as to where to go or what to do once the plane lands in NS – just know I gotta go – would appreciate any tips from anyone.

  110. Hi, Steph, I am reading all of these comments on gauge and I just remembered something my wonderful Grandmother told me, and which I now tell my knitters when they have these things happen. Just this: Nothing you make will come out right unless you rip out at least once. Somehow this always makes me feel better. (Well, she’s my Grandma, you know.) Okay, sometimes I roll my eyes in exasperation and say “yeah, yeah, whatever” but it sort of helps.

  111. Blame Noro, I too have swatched, knitted and ended up with something that bears NOOOO resembelance to the size of the pattern!! Ceclia Tuttle- Hamilton is a swear word in my house!

  112. I have the same feeling about gauge (and the horse it rode in on)! I can’t count the number of times I have knit a perfectly respectable swatch only to have it turn around and bite me in the arse!

  113. i don’t think it’s the knitting, or the yarn, i think it’s the whole “yoga bag” concept.
    i made a felted “flute case” for a wood flute – i felted, i swatched… i crocheted (yeah i crocheted that one) 42 inches of stripes, and i felted.
    and instead of a flute case, i wound up with a yoga bag. so be it.

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