There is no joy in Plattsville.

Well. That’s not true I’m sure, it looked like a lovely town to Rachel H. and I as we wound up there last night as a direct result of shooting straight past Kitchener-Waterloo (the home of the Kitchener-Waterloo knitting guild) where I was to speak last night.

It would seem (as we found ourselves in Plattsville), that there was certainly no joy in Rachel’s car at that exact moment. It turned out that there was a missing link in our instructions, something that would be totally obvious to any other two women in a car in Ontario that inexplicably, despite our age and experience, Rachel and I did not know. (Tip. Conestoga does not run off the 401. Continuing to look for Conestoga despite all hints that you are not going to find it lands you in a snowflurry in Plattsville, a charming hamlet really quite far past Kitchener-Waterloo.) It was at this point that Rachel and I really quite cleverly realized that we were unlikely to find an offramp that led to Kitchener now that we were really quite far past it (and headed in the direction of London….even further from our goal, but a darned nice city as well) and we pulled off in Plattsville and re-organized. (Or, we reorganized as much as two lost knitters in Plattsville nowhere near where they needed to be, hopelessly misguided, mapless and with an eye on the clock can possibly reorganize.) We turned right around and took a second swing at Kitchener-Waterloo and our destination….a restaurant on King Street where we would meet up with the executive of the guild.

Car neatly pointed in the other direction, hopes high, we sped along until we saw a sign for Hwy 8, which I remembered (somehow) turned into King Street. Gloriously we took the turn, happily found ourselves on King Street, just as predicted and noted that we were at 3200 King, a far cry from the 15 King we were looking for, but we didn’t let that deflate us. We were in the right city, on the right street, headed (wonder of wonders) in the right direction. We drove on, Rachel watching the snowy road and me gleefully calling out the ever diminishing street numbers.

Our joy was short lived when just as we pulled up to an intersection (King and Weber I believe) and were suddenly no longer on King street. We cursed. We turned around, we tried again, suspiciously discovering King Street in another location and again made a run for #15. We failed. (Near what seemed to us to surely be another, different intersection of King and Weber.) At this point we pulled into a convenience store where my Vietnamese language skills failed me (or so I thought) as the owner pointed us in the direction of Kings Street….opposite where we knew it to lie.

We gave up. We called up the restaurant and asked for directions (and apologized to the starving guild executive) and set off with our new help…which quickly ended in a “no exit” version of ….you guessed it. King Street. Accepting defeat and humiliation, we called the restaurant back and this time, got an assisted landing, as the helpful waitress on the other end of the phone took us turn by turn into the parking lot.

Once seated, a peculiarity of Kitchener-Waterloo was revealed to us. Apparently (and I still don’t know how this is possible) King Street runs (I swear that at least 30 people confirmed this) North, South, East AND West, and intersects with Weber no less than four times. (The guild put it in terms we could understand, explaining that King and Weber are, essentially…..cabled.)

Once we were through that, the rest of the evening was delightfully fun. Behold! The directionally brilliant knitters of the Kitchener-Waterloo Knitters Guild!

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That isn’t even all of them. This, my wool-hoarding friends, is a big guild. I gave my talk and then chatted with the knitters. I was standing there, speaking with knitters and feeling like it was a very good day, when lo, I looked up and what knitter stood before me?

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Debbie New. (I am not at all surprised that she didn’t come out blurry.)

I don’t mind telling you, I was breathless. If you don’t know who Debbie New is, then you’re leading a poorer life for it. Debbie is the author of Unexpected Knitting, the knitter who knit a seaworthy lace coracle (scroll down), a ticking grandfather clock, the swirl socks and So. Much. More. She’s some kind of freaking genius and, just to make sure we have you good and impressed, also raised 8 children. (I am not worthy.) It was a complete pleasure meeting her.

Now meet Angela. Angela has won the prize (I nominated and voted on it all by myself last night) for the funniest present ever given a washing machine.

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See? Angela has created “Mr. Washie’s 2007 Pin-up Calendar, and it’s just chock full of all the beefcake washers a tired old washing machine wants to see. Behold.

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Sexy young washers posed in exotic locations…not even a towel covering their firm enameled bodies…

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December is even a little risque. See?

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Her door is open.

Mission accomplished, my face hurting from laughing about appliances and boggling at genius our lady Lynne (Sadly, blogless)rescued Rachel and I, and in exchange for a beer…

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(That’s Lynne, me, Rachel H.,Julia and Lisa)

made us a map with only one King Street on it so we could get home, since it turns out that Rachel and I are really only good at navigating one thing. Knitting.

Next time Rachel? The bus.

144 thoughts on “There is no joy in Plattsville.

  1. Well, dang! If they had put “Cabled Intersection” on those directions and you would have been fine.

  2. I’ve lived an hour from Kitchener-Waterloo all my life and get lost every time I go there! The only trip I can make with a reasonable chance of success is to the Knitter Fair. If they ever move it I’m toast. Whoever planned that city is a sadist.

  3. I love reading about all the things that happen to you. Although, once, we managed to get totally lost, in the city of my dad’s birth, looking for a park (on our way to a family reunion) that he SWORE he knew how to find.
    And yes, the calendar is too cute.

  4. Hilarious talk last night. Very very funny. It was worth the drive you made!! Glad you found us. Today I tried to explain to my non-knitting friends that last night I went to a room jam packed with people knitting and listening to a knitting comedian. They didn’t get it. I am un-cool.

  5. Note: I am not the Angela of the wonderful calendar. I’m the one who knocked over her coffee while you were talking and had to run to the bathroom for paper towels, and felt like giant dork. Definitely not cool.
    I got lost getting there too, and live all of a half an hour away in Guelph. I agree with elan that the city planners are awful people.
    I’m glad we all got there in the end! It was a really wonderful evening. Thank you.

  6. Love the calendar!
    “Cabled” is the best way to describe King Street. This is why our Guild charters a bus to get us to the K-W Knitters Fair…

  7. I cannot believe that in the space of me writing my comment, there were no more comments that appeared than when I first started.
    Is everyone sick?

  8. And–I just followed the “Unexpected Knitting” link in the post. If you scroll way down, there’s a multi-paragraph review written by Cat Bordhi. How cool is that?
    And–Angela, you have proven that we are entrenched in Stephanie’s own little universe. How am I going to explain to my husband the existence of a washing machine beefcake calendar that makes me laugh hysterically?

  9. Yes, but how was the house when you returned home? Was there still milk? Had any soup exploded? Had there been visits from nefarious young men? What were the reports from strategically timed visitors? Inquiring mother-minds want to know.

  10. I really enjoyed your talk last night. I would have said ‘hi’ but your admiring throng was thick and well, I didn’t have anything exciting to say.
    I lived in K/W for 5 years and after about 3 years of being constantly lost I figured out that North and South are in one town and East and West are in the other. That helps a teensy bit. I still avoided both streets like the plague though.

  11. Hi Stephanie,
    Plattsville – wow! King St. makes sense when you understand that Kitchener and Waterloo were once two separate towns, each with their own King Streets. There is still a border between the towns, but there is no longer any separation – in fact there is a house on King Street(s) where the border runs right through it.
    Future suggestion – Via Rail has a couple of trains that you could take, from Union Station in Toronto to downtown Kitchener. Worth checking out…

  12. I just looked at the Debbie New socks the other day and it made me feel faint. Love the calender. Mr. Washie is going to have to be alone alot. (I also excel at getting lost, I just wish we had a bus to ride)

  13. Thanks so much for coming out to the Guild, Stephanie, and for accepting Lynne’s invitation. It was a joy meeting you after reading your blog and books. As one of my knittyboard cohorts said, you’re even nicer AND funnier in person than you are in writing. I’m glad you were able to download the pics from the camera 🙂

  14. Top 25? Woo-Hoo!
    You got to meet Debbie New? I am tres jealous.
    I can sympathize on the whole getting lost thing. The DC/Northern VA area is a virtual shangri-la if you like roads that have the same name but never connect, and other non-sensical driving anomalies.

  15. That washie pin-up calendar is pure brilliance!
    And I loved the bit about you calling out the street numbers as you went by — I do the exact same thing when I’m lost in a strange town. Makes me feel like I’m accomplishing _something_. Cheers!

  16. Debbie New,the one who knit licorice socks!!!! Excellent! And I’ve been on streets that cabled…I was on one that cabled, striped, and bound off in bus-stop Egypt…my congratulations that you found your way to your destination! huzzah!

  17. Don’t feel bad, I once spent a week driving around Houston trying to get on the Interstate, which I could SEE, but couldn’t find a way onto.
    The pin-up calendar for Mr. Washie is too funny.

  18. Oh, I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard . . . cabled streets! Ha! We have cable CARS here in San Francisco, but no cabled streets! (Thank goodness, since I have no sense of direction either.) Okay, got my breath back from that and then you hit me with Angela’s pin-up calendar for Mr. Washie . . . I’m going to have to stop reading this blog before I turn permanently blue.
    Oh, and Debbie New–yes! She is awesome. You’re gonna have to keep that sock for yourself. (And BTW no one was blurry . . . perhaps a good omen for pictures of knitters in ’07.)

  19. Hey. . . what’s with the recent addition of another book on the sidebar???? Boy, you almost snuck that one right by me. Do you know the release date? I’ll have to order from my LIBS (local. independent. book. seller)
    BTW: My book group is reading The Secret Life of a Knitter for March (my pick). We’ll be discussing and I’ll be spreading the sickness (I mean teaching basic knitting) to all my booky friends. Maybe then they won’t wonder why I’m always knitting during group.

  20. Having driven many miles while hunting for street signs that did not exist I can sympathize totally with the miseries of getting there. (New England town planners put only one street sign on a road, no matter how long the road is. They assume that you must know where you’re going, or why else are you on that road)?
    My Christmas wish list consisted of one item: a GPS!
    Was the house intact when you got there?

  21. Debbie new is a genius. and now you’re ready to navigate Atltanta GA where all the streets are Peachtree.. W. Peachtree, E. Peachtree, Peachtree lane, Peachtree Ave, Peachtree Blvd.. you get the idea.

  22. Kitchener-Waterloo has to be one of the worst places in Ontario to try and drive. It is not you. Someone that had trekked through the forests of Elbonia with only a compass and sheer will could get lost in KW.
    When you were in Plattsville though you could have just made the quick jaunt right over to Ayr, which every time I pass I makes me think of Arse. Which is appropriate, given present company. 😉

  23. Yeah, King Street. In Morristown, Tennessee, there is First North, Second First North, Third First North. They do not run parallel, either. Man, was I confused until I found a map.
    Glad you made it safely to the designated meeting place.
    And the calendar? It’s wonderfully funny. But–do you think Mr. Washie is strong enough to take it? We’d hate for him to have a motor attack from looking at those young bodies.

  24. my husband just purchased a GPS… it is amazing, you wouldn’t know how you lived without it… it even finds YARN stores!!!

  25. I suppose living your whole life in Kitchener Waterloo you forget how confusing King St is to outsiders. Not only is is in all directions in Kitchener, I believe its in all directions in Waterloo too even though its pretty much a straight line. Even people who have grown up in the area (like me) still have to check which part of the city an address on King St is (Weber st is no better).
    I’ve never heard of King and Weber being ‘cabled’ before but its the perfect description!
    My mom and I really enjoyed your talk last night. You’re an absolute gem!

  26. Another great story from the Harlot.
    But we are still waiting to find out why the television cameras were at your new neighbor’s house…anything further with that?
    Another question (sorry)—are we still working on Joe’s gansey?

  27. King and Weber is KW’s joke. Plattsville is not that far away. The fist time Sarah came to visit (she drove through Plattsville) she ended up on the far side of Cambridge. My BIL ended up in St Catherines (from Brampton), so he got a road map for Christmas. Plattsville is a nice little town.
    I only know of 3 King and Weber intersections, I will know have to find the fourth. Very important to know where all the cables cross.
    Another issue is Hwy and Rte 8, when getting off the 401 you have the choice of HWY 8, Rte 8 N and Rte8 S – three different options. When explaining which one to take to Americans who don’t know that the crown means hwy. I think the road system is a way that Waterloo tests incoming university students. Find the university and you can be accepted.

  28. Yay for the K-W guild! I was born in Kitchener, and my mom and sisters still live there. I’l have to check out the LYS there, along with making a trip to Lettuc Knit, of course, when I go to visit in April.

  29. Once a year (sometimes more often), I drive from Murfreesboro, TN (near Nashville) where I live to a little town in Georgia to meet some friends and otherwise make merry. Once, I had to make a detour on my way home to a town in East Tennesse where my mom lives. Navigating the some of the back roads of Georgia was much like King St.
    …I can’t help but think of Napoleon giving up grafting the toe of a sock when I see “Kitchener-Waterloo.”
    It’s weird here in my haid.

  30. Jeebus. That reminds me of the one infuriating time I tried to drive in downtown Atlanta, where every boulevard, avenue, drive, street, and circle is preceded by “Peachtree”. If you’re ever in Atlanta trying to get somewhere and someone tells you to turn on Peachtree, it’d probably be less complicated to just lie down in traffic.
    (Uhh, and holy-enormous-guild.)

  31. That calendar is GENIUS. And if you’re going to get lost, Rachel H is a fine person with whom to do it.

  32. Do I hear no sympathy at all for Rachel H? Not only was she blindsided by lunatic city planning with the minutes passing and a passenger who may not have been the Dali Llama of serenity (not to mention hungry) but as the driver she can’t even have allowed herself the comfort of a Refreshing Beverage afterward. A moment of silence and a lifted show of needles, please.

  33. I can’t believe you met Debbie New. I would love to meet Debbie New. Except that I’m sure I would say something totally stupid and make a fool of myself.
    And cabled roads sound like the ones we have in Massachusetts, resulting in intersections that are (unofficially) known as The Intersection of Mass Confusion and The Intersection of Doom.

  34. I identify with the ‘cabled’ street problems. We live in Waco, TX (which you totally need to visit, by the way. we’re right between Dallas and Austin!!), which is a small place of about 120,000, and still, the streets are ridiculous to learn. The main roads all intersect at odd angles and form triangles of indecypherable addresses, and the ‘grid’ is set to run northwest to southeast, with streets starting and stoping at random. I think the city founders used the Entrelac Manual of City Planning. Not good!

  35. I was there! I was too shy to get in line to meet you, though, and too pooped to join the others for a drinkie afterwards. My husband and son thought I was rather nutty going on and on about getting to see the Yarn Harlot. Their loss.
    Beth

  36. I was LMFAO at the cabled street, and then I got to the pinup calendar for Mr Washie and I nearly wet myself. People in that town are both sick and hilarious. I want to move there.

  37. It’s a Kings thing. Kings Highway is just like that in Brooklyn. It runs in all four directions, intersects itself, and will stalk unwary drivers.
    Let’s say you were innocently going the wrong way on Kings Highway so you made a left but picked an unfortunate street to do that on. You could drive to the corner, make another left and then another (U-Turns are prohibitted) and then make a right onto–a section of Kings Highway that swings around to bring you right back to where you were when you got off in the first place. I think gremlins are involved.
    It will seem to magically transform into other streets, such as Avenue P
    |
    |
    |
    |
    / | <- at this point the straight line is P,
    / | the angled line Kings Highway.
    It’s north of Avenue N where I live and south of Avenue N by the vet.

  38. Debbie New….wow! Not that you wouldn’t inspire the same awe in most knitters!
    “Screw Brad Pitt, I have a friend who has a friend that has been at a SnB with Stephanie, I swear, it is too true!”

  39. And that, my friend, is why I never drive myself anywhere new when I’m alone. LOL My sister and I got lost going to Port Dover once. From my house it’s EXACTLY three roads. It’s about a 45 minute drive, but only three roads. We missed the first turn and ended up at (thankfully) a dead end … now I know where the end of my street goes two towns down (and 40 minutes away) … Long story short, we finally got to Port Dover two hours later. Splendid!!

  40. Given the layout of the streets, shouldn’t it be called King’s cables? The road problems I am used to are the ones that suddenly stop (due to railroad tracks, parks, universities, etc.) and don’t pick up again until about 8 blocks later.
    Next time, I would advise finding a pay phone (I know they are becoming more rare) and ripping out the maps in the front of the phone book. And a road atlas is helpful.
    Have some coffee and leave the whole driving experience behind.

  41. Stephanie,
    Last night you addressed how “uncool” you are. You said if we want to argue the fact, that you have three teenage daughters who can give proof of your “uncoolness”. I don’t plan to refute your uncoolness, cuz I’m uncool too. Being 18 and a knitter don’t seem to mix. People can’t grasp the fact. When I go to parties I pull out my traveling sock and start to knit hoping no one will notice and that conversation can just continue on as normal. But it never does. Once they spot the ball of yarn they are confused. I have knit at work on my break but was pestered by co-workers asking the same annoying questions everyone else asks. “What are you doing? Is that knitting, I thought only grandma’s knit.” It probably didn’t help my coolness factor that I was knitting in the halls between classes and in the cafeteria.
    So I get that you are uncool. I am too, (it also doesn’t help that I keep raving about meeting the yarn harlot last night).I mean not many 18 year olds team up with a friend and create a knitting blog. So here’s to uncoolness Stephanie. Cheers!

  42. Stephanie,
    Last night you addressed how “uncool” you are. You said if we want to argue the fact, that you have three teenage daughters who can give proof of your “uncoolness”. I don’t plan to refute your uncoolness, cuz I’m uncool too. Being 18 and a knitter don’t seem to mix. People can’t grasp the fact. When I go to parties I pull out my traveling sock and start to knit hoping no one will notice and that conversation can just continue on as normal. But it never does. Once they spot the ball of yarn they are confused. I have knit at work on my break but was pestered by co-workers asking the same annoying questions everyone else asks. “What are you doing? Is that knitting, I thought only grandma’s knit.” It probably didn’t help my coolness factor that I was knitting in the halls between classes and in the cafeteria.
    So I get that you are uncool. I am too, (it also doesn’t help that I keep raving about meeting the yarn harlot last night).I mean not many 18 year olds team up with a friend and create a knitting blog. So here’s to uncoolness Stephanie. Cheers!

  43. I am so thrilled you met Debbie New. Whenever I get pissed over a lace project that is not going well or fast enough I pull out my copy of A Gathering of Lace and gaze upon the coracle. Never fails to cheer me.
    Lucky Mr. Washie, I think the washing machine repair guy who visits our house would love a calendar like that. Oh, my face hurts from laughing.

  44. What a long, strange trip you were on! I once missed a wedding and a reception because I got stuck on the beltway around Washington, DC and could see the road I needed to be on but couldn’t figure out how to get there. The cabling description is sheer genius. And the calendar is awesome!

  45. At the first mention of King Street I started laughing. I knew what was coming. I have had many encounters with King Street and it’s nasty little friend Weber.

  46. I knew where this was going as soon as you mentioned “King St.” – I went to UWaterloo, and I’ve landed on the dead ends and multiple crossings more times than a woman without a car should have. If you look at a map of K-W, it pretty much looks like the surveyer threw spaghetti on the wall, and assigned roads that way!
    There’s a more dangerous side to all of this too – an apartment in my residence was gutted as the fire department ended up at Phillip St. Kitchener instead of Phillip St. Waterloo. At least the knitters didn’t self-combust while they were waiting!

  47. As a directionally-impaired person myself, I applaud you for persevering until you reached your destination! Love the calendar, and I’m dying to know how it went at home while you were gone.

  48. Knowing how crazy their streets are, it’s hard to believe the guild didn’t send out an advance welcoming committee to guide you in. I hope the beefy washers don’t make Mr. Washie feel inadequate – wouldn’t want the poor guy to get front-loader envy and lose his will to spin cycle.

  49. A big hug from me for validating the impossibility of navigating the streets of Kitchener.
    In forty + years of marriage, DH and I have done lots of shouting, while attempting to find locations in that (otherwise) fair city.
    The big challenge will come when someone invites you to Hamilton. Take flares, so that the rescue folks can find you!!

  50. Hi! Apparently K-W does not have enhanced 911 (the emergency phone service here in the US that allows the dispatcher to know where you are calling from without the caller having to give the address). Anyplace that has such a system has to do something about their duplicate-sounding streets and addresses, because the system only works if every address is unique. I spent 6 years driving an ambulance, and I assure you that such geographical silliness really ought to go – don’t we have enough English words that every street can have a name of its own?
    Lucky Mr. Washie – and lucky you getting to meet Debbie New! I would like to get her help to make a knitted brain for a friend of mine (she needs it to help teach reading – I am not sure why). I understand Debbie has already knit a brain hat that I bet I could turn into a stuffed brain ball if I could just get the pattern!
    Glad you got to give the talk and meet the guild – wish I could have been there. – Karen

  51. The only reason I ever get where I am going is that, pathologically direction-impaired as I am, I insist on having a map *and* detailed instructions, the latter provided by a human being and not a computer program. Sad to say, I have never reached any destination wherein lurked both Debbie and Angela, never mind both of them.

  52. I grew up in KW and trying to explain the King-Weber connections always left me feeling defensive, as in, “can you think of a better way to do it?” It’s getting worse, now that the city is expanding both directions, and the new interchange where the 7/8 meets King. I’ve since moved to Halifax where roads only make slightly more sense.
    I have to stop thinking about King and Weber now… it’s giving me hives

  53. Oh i am so envious. if i knew Debbie New was going to be there, I would have driven up from NYC!
    I am humbled by her knitting. she has inspired me, and taught me more about knitting than else i know.
    I hope you had a chance to speak to her at length.

  54. OMG, a pinup calendar for Mr. Washie – I just about died laughing here! Then I came up for air and drooled all over the keyboard over yet another book I. Must. Have (I lust after that O jacket . . .).
    Cabled streets *snickers* Here in the Philly area, we have streets that do not connect to each other but have the same name, streets that have two (three, four, five, keep counting) names, and the ultimate kicker – the Main Line. One road with two names – Lancaster Avenue aka Route 30 – and about 20 separate yet interconnected towns, none of which have signs on Lancaster Avenue indicating where they begin and end . . .

  55. Stephanie, I wanted to thank you for sharing with us last night – after reading all these comments, I have to agree that I’m PROUD to be uncool, KW does has some funky roads – I happen to live 1 block from the King/Weber intersection off Hwy 8 – I’ll never look at King/Weber the same way – cabled intersection! I love it .. KWKG is one of the best things KW has going for it! I’ve been a member for a few years, currently Past President of the Guild, know Sally Melville and Debbie New personally as well as a whole lot of other awesome knitters – however, last year, having dinner with Sally, Debbie and Maureen Mason-Jamieson (and moi) was the highlight of my knitting career – I was in heaven!!
    Keep the faith and keep on knitting (and writing).

  56. Oh, Stephanie, PROMISE me that you will not ever, ever, ever attempt to navigate Queens, NY, USA without a seasoned native. The problem in Queens is that if one is looking for, say, “84th St.,” one will also encounter 84th Blvd., 84th Ave., 84th Place, 84th Dr., etc., etc., etc. The reliable grid orientation with which Manhattan was blessed did not make it east. Alas. I am the voice of sad experience.

  57. Wonder how you could make directions clearer to knitters. “Straight knitting to Washington Street, then SSK to Fifth….yarn over to third and bind off.”
    I am still giggling at the washing machine cheesecake calendar. CafePress? Like Presytera, I’m wondering how to explain this to my husband.

  58. cabled stre….*dies laughing*
    what was that about SIR Washie???
    oh, my word.
    i’m nominating you as an honorary schneenee.

  59. I’m still laughing! Who designs these roads anyway? In Syracuse, try to follow Genesee Street – which runs East and West – from one end to the other. It disappears smack-dab in the middle of the city and you have to make three rights and six lefts or something to find it again. One time when I was new to the city and had to get from Fayetteville to Camillus, someone said “Oh take Genesee Street” and I ended up going in circles for hours. ANYway. Thank you for a wonderful site and a good laugh! Glad you finally found your way safely and had a nice evening!

  60. King St. has a north, south, east and west. Uh ya. I didn’t get it either until I got lost. Now I’m in the US and happy to not have to drive there anymore!

  61. Debbie New. HOW COOL. My sister-in-law gave me “Unexpected Knits” for Christmas. It is absolutely magnificent. Thank you for sharing the pics.

  62. I can fully sympathise with your getting lost. I had a particularly memorable episode three years ago that still has my 7-year-old convinced there is a town named “Bloody Gundagai”. If you think getting lost is bad with two knitters in the car, try it with a screaming baby and an endlessly talkative 4-year old.
    Love the calendar, it even made my muggle husband do that snort-laugh thing (Presbytera and Beth please note; you don’t have to knit to get the funny in a washing machine pin-up calendar).

  63. Two ideas for when you are lost: 1. My wonderful Uncle Bob, whenever he gets lost, drives in ‘ever increasing circles’. My husband has another tactic – run a redlight and get pulled over, and ask the police officer for directions! Good luck!

  64. That’s some marvellous friend you have in Rachel H. – she knew just when to be quiet, just when to use “arse” as a conjunction, and just when to don her patented “I can’t believe you just said that in front of people!” face.
    Speed!

  65. Sounds like navigating Miami-a place 25 miles away which I never ever travel. Seems the tour is on! Bet Mr. washie perks right on up.

  66. And if Mr. Washie has an attack of remorse and feels dirty after viewing the calendar, he can set himself for a rinse cycle and wash away his shame!!!

  67. Thoroughly enjoyed last night…having lived here now 8 years it’s starting to sink in, but I Mapquest every address I have to go to still. I don’t always make it to the guild meeting, but I could not miss seeing you as when I first started reading your blog several years ago, you posted a fairly detailed knitter’s wish list for Christmas. I had read it to my husband who then went in an printed the list off and took it to the LYC and had them running around to fill his list…thank you, thank you, thank you… j

  68. Plattsville!Cabled streets, erotic washing machines and the woman who knits corricles.
    The blog that has everything….
    LOL!

  69. OMG! Debbie New! That coracle was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever, ever seen. Mind = Boggled
    Mr. Washie’s Pin-up Calendar is a riot! Angela is brilliant!! I laughed so hard I had to go make some tea to settle myself down. (And have a steadying chat with my new washer, which might be getting ideas about a glamorous career in an attempt to get away from the endless stream of incredibly mucked-up children’s things we have around here.)

  70. here in jacksonville the interstate has cut up a lot of the roads. in one area, one has to go several miles around to get to the other side of the street!

  71. I think Debbie New is AMAZING…she is one of the 3 I’d’ve invited to dinner. Makes me wonder if I can knit a lightweight kayak! And the Mr. Washie calander…TOO FUNNY. You know, my husband only asks about you when I go online to surf some blogs…what is that woman who travels around with her sock doing?

  72. Mr. Washie’s new calendar is really funny!
    I get lost in every place I go. Even in town’s as small as 500 people. If I get a new car anytime between now and death, it will have a navigating computer thing in it.

  73. My son knew that if I was laughing that hard, I had to be reading your blog… And that calendar is absolutely hysterical.
    I live on a street that has four different places where you can go three different directions and still be on the same street. The developer simply named EVERYthing after his wife. I think he must have hated his wife. We give people directions, and then often walk to the bottom of the block and wave our arms to flag them down, knowing that by the time they find our end, they’ll be pretty flustered.

  74. Steph – bold confession: I managed, through sheer….skill to get totally and absolutely lost with a AAA street-by-street map called a “Triptik”. No one believes that’s possible, that an adult person with good eyesight can get lost with a Triptik. I am the exception which proves the rule. I add my applause for the Mr Washie Calendar, for which nothing more can be said. I feel like a member of one mighty cool group here, may I say! (And yes — how WERE the girls when you got home?)

  75. I’m glad you made it to your intended destination but I kind of wish you had accidentally driven to London. There aren’t nearly enough Harlots in this city 🙂

  76. i still can’t believe i got to hold the sock. (such a lovely sock too.)
    so glad that you (and everyone else!) think the calendar is amusing because i admit to a moment of “oh god, i hope she sees the humour in this.”
    last night was a riot. thank you for coming to our guild.
    oh, and the best explanation i heard for our directionally challenged streets is this: when the town settlers were determining where the roads would go, they got a cow drunk, attached a paint brush to its tail and made roads where he tipsily wandered.
    hope the house and girls were all in one piece when you got home.

  77. What a wonderful read your blog always is. Debbie New is amazing; I’d only read the word coracle, I’ve never actually seen one! What stamina and perserverance you two had out there in KW, let alone just before one has to meet lots of new people and expound and entertain. Wow. It seems all was fine on the home front…?

  78. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA! I am LOVIN’ the calendar!!!
    first i was boggled by the “raised 8 children thing”….. then came the calendar. woo! that made my day!

  79. Two words; Dashboard Navigator.
    My husband bought me a Tomtom a year ago and it is my closest and dearest friend here in the god-forsaken wilds of Florida.

  80. We have a street like that here in Oklahoma City–Grand Boulevard. It almost makes a complete circle, and it can drive you completely batty to leave the street and then drive up on it again a couple of blocks later.
    PS–You should post each month’s photo from Mr. Washie’s calendar–I’m intrigued by those photo (and what does that say about me) . . . .

  81. Oh man, what a long, strange trip, literally. And what a guild – look at all of ’em! (And lookit those *chairs*. Chairs everywhere! I’m envious.) Glad you and Rachel H survived. That’s a great pic of you all at the last, btw. Angela’s calendar is flat-out hysterical; she’s a genius. Thanks for showing us pictures from it! And Beth in WI: “Straight knitting to Washington Street, then SSK to Fifth….yarn over to third and bind off.” – ROFLMAO! (Y’know, that might work here in Portland in downtown…)

  82. Jesus H. Christ. 95 comments ALREADY? Ms. Harlot, thanks for gracing our guild last night (my cheeks still hurt from smiling so hard), and thanks for the beer. Look forward to repeating the experience.

  83. My brother has lived in the Kitchener/Waterloo/Guelph area for more than 20 years. When we go there to visit him, I either let him drive or just follow along behind. The only thing I can find there is Tim Horton’s, LOL
    Great pics, great post, and that calendar is wonderful!

  84. Great whack of knitters ,Hilarious calendar, Debbie News tea cups and other knitted items are fantastic. You were lost but now you are found so all turned out tikketyboo for you . Great post thank you .

  85. I drove through Plattsville on the way to your talk and there WAS joy, as my friend Vick and I a) know how to get to Kitchener (not anywhere within, but we can make it to my sister’s) and b) were going to see the Yarn Harlot!
    PS. If you think explaining that you are a knitting humourist is hard, try explaining that you are so excited because you met said knitting humourist. My Curling coach was confused to say the least.

  86. The calender is tooo funny. What an idea. Poor Mr. Washie may over heat for sure. Be sure to fasten him tightly to the floor.
    I have been lost like that. If you ever come to Idaho avoid Lewiston. The streets are all numbered but there is 17th Street, 17th Avenue , Seventeenth, E. 17th. East Seventeenth and it intersects with 36th Ave. N.W….Or was it Thirty Sixth Street N. W. ? ARRRGGHHH.
    Looks like a great crowd though I am glad you finally made your way in. What do you mean you don’t speak Vietnamese?

  87. Yeah, so last night was hilarious. “What yarn, these are my kittens….” was one of the many highlights for me.
    With this being my 5th calendar year attented UWaterloo, with a solid chunk of that time being spent living on Co-Op terms in Hamilton, I have to say, KW is worse for driving. At least in Hamilton the streets run in straight lines. And Upper Gage will always take you to Gage. In K-Dub, well, you never know!! I only discovered the KW knitting guild this past summer, when they weren’t active, and I’ve only got 4 months of school left, or I’d be joining them for sure!!
    Anyways, thanks for making my night Steph, these 20 something’s think you’re just cool enough.
    PS, you definitely look very tall in the picture I got of you and I, having me crouch was a good call!

  88. Oh dear. http://www.thegpsstore.com/GPS-Automotive.asp NAYY I just got a Garmin Nuvi and it successfully got us to St. Distaff’s Day celebration in Mountlake Terrace WA. That was after my Dear Friend, quite stunned by the voice emanating from Said Unit telling us where to go, boomed “What the hell is that? Turn that damned thing off!” She came to love it once we arrived without *any wrong turns whatsoever*. (Quite a feat for us.)

  89. I’ve lived in Waterloo for 10 years now, and still can’t head out without my trusty map in the car with me. (King & Weber: cabled streets – perfect description!)
    Glad you enjoyed our Guild (finally); I’m just disappointed that I had to leave for Arizona two days before, and missed out on the fun.

  90. So you finally met your Waterloo, eh?
    (No I didn’t read the other comments and so I’m sure I’m the 1500th commenter to say that – I couldn’t resist!)
    Funny, I haven’t lived “up there” in years and yet I also remember that Hwy 8 becomes King Street. What a great description that the roads have a cabled relationship.

  91. I’m sorry about your daughters. I’m a teen myself and I think even I would argue with you about the boy thing. ^^;; But congratulations on finally making it to the restaurant! In San Diego, I swear to God, there must be like 9 “El Camino Real”s and there is no physically possible way that they connect in any way shape or form.
    And btw, about the exploded things in the microwave, if you take a bowl of water, and microwave it for like… 5 minutes so it steams and eventually evaporates, it’ll make the microwave much much easier to clean. Just be careful when you open the door.

  92. Oh {hee} my {ha} god {snork} that {wheeze} calendar {giggle} is {guffaw} hilarious {snicker}! I laughed, I cried, now I gotta pee!

  93. That calendar just rocks! You have no idea just how much that cheered me up today! Hope your home was still intact when you got back.

  94. I love the fact that Debbie New is wearing a name tag. Did you want to start chanting “we’re not worthy”?
    And they took you to the best bar in Kitchener. We go there anytime we’re near. Fabulous food and amazing beer.

  95. Brilliant calendar. And you met Debbie New! We are not worthy.
    When you come to Baton Rouge or New Orleans, I insist on driving. The street map of New Orleans is like the lower half of a big, messy spiderweb and many streets change names as they go along, as do street names in Baton Rouge. I know where everything is. I’m driving.

  96. Don’t you mean they drew you a chart? I think they are easier to read than a map! 🙂 With two knitters, you are bound to find your way with a chart!

  97. I used to work in Kitchener, and just finding my office each day, never mind visiting clients in their homes, was always a crapshoot…
    Quick question – in your two shots of the crowd, the same gal is in opposite corners… trick photography? Just checking to see if we’re really awake? Another strange phenomenon only known to Kitchener-ites???

  98. Actually for evil driving conditions you can’t beat Washington DC, fittingly enough the capital of this screwed-up country (perhaps that’s why no one who lives there can think straight…). I grew up down there. Not only are there numbered and lettered streets there labelled things like “36th St SW” and “36th St NW” but they are all connected by traffic circles, many many traffic circles from one end of the city to the other. One of the favorite hometown sports is watching cars with out of state plates get trapped in them, going endlessly round and round and getting more and more panicked, and laying bets and how long it will take for them to get out. Of course, the city was designed by a Frenchman, supposedly as an act of international cooperation. Joke’s on us!

  99. I went to school at the University of Waterloo, and the city is a challenge! One of my best friends majored in Urban Planning and apparently many of her lectures on basic planning and town layout ended “…except for here in KW.”

  100. Lucky K-W!! I know you live in Toronto (as do I), but could you do an officially speaking engagement here sometime? It would be great to see you in such a capacity.

  101. Thanks so much for the insight on Debbie New! OMG! I haven’t seen the book in person, but those photos had me racing to Amazon to order the book. Fabulous!
    You should try using a GPS. We just got the Mio while we were visiting in Ottawa. We LOVE it!

  102. I have yet to meet Debbie New, but I’ve interviewed her for VK, and she just continues to blow my mind with her “hey, I could knit that” approach to things like physics and music…she’s on the edge in the very best of ways.
    You and Rachel, however, should not extend this idea to “hey, I could navigate that.” I worry about you.

  103. Now I’m done laughing (sort of) I have to tell you I can identify too with your befuddlement in Kitchener/Waterloo! If anybody mentions Weber Street to me, I promptly hyperventilate. I have yet to have the need for King Street, but I can imagine it. Your best bet is to stop at the city limits and call for a navigator! Ok…I’m getting the brown paper bag now….

  104. I am with Kirsten. I moved to TO months ago, and yet I saw you more when I was in London! (Once, but one is still more than none).
    Also, my condolences on the King/Weber fiasco. I come from Huron County, ON, where the surveyors were obsessed with grids. Greek town planners would be proud!

  105. That calendar is genius. My refrigerator would like to know if there’s an all-frigidaire edition. That horny slut!

  106. I feel your pain. Near my house is Glebe Road, for which I have seen signs noting East, West, and South. Then again, I also live inside a “Beltway” — how can you navigate something that turns back on itself?

  107. I live in Kitchener (sorry I couldn’t make it on Tuesday) on a street just off Strange Street. No kidding.
    I’ve often wondered if it was a referance to the way the rest of the city was laid out.

  108. I’ve lived in Cambridge for almost 4 years and King St in KW scares me, I stay away. It’s almost as bad here as Dundas St/ Coronation Blvd/ King St are all the same road.
    Sorry I missed the talk, sounds like it was great

  109. Hm….. My university is in the centre of a city built on medieval layout. Someone said something aobut spaghetti thrown on the wall – so add various passages, streets tangled in such a way that some of them might well be Moebius streets, houses standing half into the street and whatever else you may imagine. At least the streets are properly named, not numbered and there’s nothing twenty kilometres long, the names change on the corners. Just that you cannot navigate in the Turn to the rigt way, it’s rather take the street that turns a lot to the right, not the one that goes just a bit like rightish:D
    I lived in Florence, Italy, whose centre is built on teh typical Roman grid .. but they have this nice habit of street signs saying Via Manelli, formerly Via Larga, formerly Via Pratese, in case you were into history and wanted to know where the 1654 occurence took place.
    By the way, today I became a victim of the knitter solidarity, I just made a sigh on a knitters’ forum whether someone doesn’t have a spare swift adn in five minutes I got a message I have two, where shall i give it to you? and the girl even lives on the same metro line… lovely.
    But I have some migrating genes, i don’t get lost.

  110. I am geographically dyslexic (my term for total bewilderment whenever I try to go anywhere), so I never know where I am, even if I’ve driven there 25 times. There is always a map attached to my hand. I can’t imagine trying to find my way on cabled streets! The explanation by one commenter that north and south are in one town and east and west in another made tears run down my face LOL. Now I can explain my disorder to normal people in terms they may understand.
    Glad you finally made it last night.

  111. I’d be screwed. My friends in college coined “Tara’s 2 turn rule”. Yep, that’s it – more than 2 turns and I am guaranteed to get lost. A road that runs in ALL 4 directions, I’m done! They would have had to send out a possee to find me!

  112. Debbie New? Oh, my.
    I’m proud I recognized her face right away. Once I signed up for a workshop from her… and winter weather kept her from coming. They rescheduled, of course for a weekend when I had to be out of state. Sigh…
    Licorice socks, lace coracle, “granny square” afghan, a portrait of her actual grandmother… as tall as a barn. How wonderful you got to meet such a creative soul.
    Don’t forget you’re an impressive creative soul, too. I was delighted to meet *you.* It’s all a matter of perspective.

  113. Thank You so much for comming, you were the best time I’ve ever had for 2$$$!!!!
    Also I wanted to let you know that many of us were thrilled and ready to give you a standing ovation, but as a lady behind me mumbled “We would all stand I’m sure, but we’re afraid to drop our stitches!”
    As a fellow mother and knitter/spinner, i thank you for your wit and humour, and I cannot wait to read your new book!
    Michelle Morin in (cabled) Waterloo

  114. I wanted so badly to come out to your talk, but I’ve been sick for days. Very disappointed to have missed it indeed. Maybe this year you’ll be back for the Knitter’s Fair? I’ve lived in KW for 8 years or so, and I still get lost. Unlike most cities, it wasn’t designed in a grid pattern (so I’m told) so if you take a wrong turn, you can’t just turn down the next street that *seems* like it’d go in the same direction. It will twist and turn away in some other random direction and you will undoubtedly get lost. Such a very endearing trait for a city. I also love how the “Conestoga Parkway” is never actually named by signage anywhere but referred to as such in all the directions. Oh, and the fact that it just changed hwy numbers for the THIRD time in like five years so lots of maps still have that wrong too. Needless to say, be proud that you made it at all, you were facing formidable odds! 🙂

  115. Oh, Mr. Washie must be so, so pleased. You may need to reproduce it for sale–or for prizes for winning KSF donations??!!

  116. KITCHENER – *hmmmmmmm* Is this eponymous & geographic source of kitchener grafting, that magic smoothness that puts the wiggle in all our toes?

  117. !!! You Canadians are certainly a talented lot! Debbie New is “new” to me and clicking the links was so inspiring although I think I did recognize the Swirl Socks as an entry in Socks, Socks, Socks (a Vogue publication?), a library book I borrowed, thus don’t have at the moment or I would take a look to see if that is so. Is it something in the air up there, or perhaps the water? Genetics? Regardless, Debbie New gets added to my fantasy list of “persons I wish were my neighbors.”

  118. Ok… well I was the one who told you that you were my idol the other night….I feel absolutely stupid! My friends were making fun of me for how absolutely excited (and a little dumb) I looked. What do you say to the person you’ve been reading about for so very long?
    I was a visitor to the guild (from Stratford, Ontario) but if I had known that Debbie New was there… Now that’s definitely someone to idolize!!! I guess I’ll be either visiting or joining the guild very soon.
    Thanks for the wonderful talk – my cheeks still hurt, and thanks to the guild for being so welcoming to so many visitors. My friends and I all had a fantastic time.

  119. What a funny post. That’s what I love about reading your blog, the chance to laugh at life’s little problems, the opportunity to see how many other knitters are happily, enthusiastically embracing their (strange-to-others) craft and to understand not just my 3 teens can think like aliens from another planet.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    And I love that calendar!

  120. Love the knitting remarks.
    I have NO comment, just a reader.
    Want to let ALL know, I have a Passap 80 knitting Machine, on legs, that I would like to sell for $ 500.00, I paid wayyyyyyyyy more than that for it. I am back to hand knitting.
    Thanks for reading !!!!!!
    Peggy Newton, Brooklyn, Michigan
    2newton@lycos.com

  121. I live in Edmonton, Alberta.(I moved here 6 years ago). I lived in Kitchener-Waterloo for over 25 years. And I know that its scary to say, but I know Edmonton alot better. I can just pick a spot in the city and I know if we are facing north, south, east or west. In Kitchener-Waterloo I’m just guessing. I go back to Ontario in the spring to visit family.(I need to get a GPS!!!)

  122. Chicago has an Upper, a Lower, an East, West, North and South Wacker Drive… in a city that’s laid out (mostly) in a grid.

  123. How do you find out what workshops Debbie New is doing?
    Do you have a website or emai for her?

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