In which I disappoint even myself

I am going to distract you today, because I woke up this morning and had the lucky and incredible insight that the thrilling thing that I was planning to write about today was not actually thrilling. Then I lay there in bed realizing that the fact that Joe and I were so entirely delighted by this thing was a bad, bad sign and that we really need to get out more or something.

We got a new toilet seat.

See? I have no idea what came over me. (I’m so ashamed. Gads we are boring.) The truth is that we have this freaky European toilet (you push a button to flush it) with a shaped seat (we didn’t buy it. It was here when we bought the house) and the seat had a big crack in it and was threatening to break at any moment and so Joe and I very responsibly went to the plumbing place and tried to buy a new seat. (Joe and I would both like some credit for that. It is very unlike us to notice a problem is developing and deal with it. We are more the “Oh no, the only toilet in the house is broken – quick, somebody do something” types. We’re proud of our maturity this time.)

Sadly, our maturity was not rewarded, and we were told that our toilet seat is discontinued. (See? This is the worst blog topic ever.) No standard seat would fit it, and we went from store to store for like…a month. We checked online, we called strange places that “salvage” old house stuff – (That right there….that should tell you how desperate we were. We thought a USED toiled seat was a good plan.) and there was absolutely none to be found. We even had a conversation in which we entertained the possibility of buying a wooden seat and carving it to fit. (Kill. Me.)

After talking with every toilet seat person in North America and discovering that there are practically support groups for people trying to find this toilet seat…we were forced to just about admit defeat and acknowledge that we were actually going to have to buy a whole new toilet because we couldn’t buy a new seat. This infuriated us enough that we couldn’t hardly bring ourselves to do it. Then the crack in the seat started getting really threatening…..and at the same time the sink in the bathroom was leaking, so Joe went to this extraordinarily fancy-pants plumbing place (because we have freaky European fixtures too) to buy stuff for that.

While there, he decided to take a shot and, gave them the dimensions of the toilet seat to see if they could think of anything that could be done…and this guy walks into the back, grabs a box, comes out and holds up the exact toilet seat we have been seeking…..and angels sing and the sun shines a glorious ray of pure light on it, and Joe falls on his knees and receives the toilet seat and brings it home to me and I am so happy that I actually feel a little weepy with joy.

Then Joe and I install it and it’s so much fun! We’re SO HAPPY about our new toilet seat…so happy that we make the kids and all of their friends come upstairs and see it and I actually take a picture of it with the sock I’m knitting so I can show it to The Blog..


..and when I go to yoga I tell everyone all about it. Then I phone some friends and tell them. Then Joe and I stand in the bathroom together and we put our arms around each other and we look at it and sigh contentedly. We go to bed with this warm glow of happiness that we thought we would never feel again with this toilet.

Then I woke up this morning and thought …OH. MY. GOD. WE HAVE GOT TO GET A LIFE.

So go listen to this podcast. I swear I don’t mention toilet seats.