Six Days

That’s how long I have to accomplish the revisions on the book of essays, (all the writing has been done for about a week now, all wool be praised) write a speech to take on the road (I wonder what I’ll say…) prepare the family for my five week absence (I have no idea how to do that) and wait for the reviews on the latest and plan the launch and inexplicable knitter behaviour around North America. I’m essentially out of my mind.

Yesterday I worked all day, knit three rounds on a sock, made dinner, supervised the kids, did laundry and vacuumed the living room (I found a hard boiled egg under the couch. Glad I caught that.) and then worked again until 3am and today it’s another brutal slog, and so will tomorrow, and the day after that. I have a sense of impending doom that I would ordinarily chalk up to stress, but I’m worried, because I think it is likely reality troubling me this time. (I know that, because usually if it is stress it goes away if I eat chocolate for breakfast while taking bath and then knit for five minutes while weeping a little, which didn’t help at all today.) I hate getting ready for a tour. (Though I don’t mind the tour part.) I hate finishing books (though I quite like having them finished) and I hate waiting to see if people like my books. (Although I like it when they do.) I was sitting here this morning wondering how all this stuff managed to end up in one week, and found myself thinking (forgive the strong language) “Man… My boss is a bitch. She has no idea what sort of pressure I’m under, that I don’t have the self-esteem for criticism when it arrives when I’m overworked and she doesn’t have any respect for the limits on my time and energy. It’s like all she cares about is me as someone who works for her, and doesn’t care how tired I get when I have to meet all those demands. She doesn’t even listen when I tell her that it’s too much, although maybe that’s my fault for not being clearer with her. I have got to learn to be more aggressive with setting limits around my time, because someone like her is just going to take advantage of me if I don’t.”

Then I just sat and stared. I’m self employed.

I’m going to be so happy when these six days are over. Seriously.