Dear Everything

Dear Everything:

I believe that I have made my complete and total dedication to the schedule very clear. Please note that the schedule does not allow for unscheduled things… yeah verily, unscheduled things are the antithesis of the schedule.

Therefore, please consider this my formal request for the immediate cessation of all unscheduled entities. This includes, but is not limited to: dead batteries in the alarm clock leading to oversleeping (Me), doctor’s appointments for a sore toe (Sam), the necessity of 24 cupcakes to be produced by daybreak for the music council bake sale (Megan), editorial crisis (my editor), tax forms that are somewhere in the house but must be produced by 5:00 even though I am not the person who is in charge of tax forms (Joe), and indiscreet puddles of barf on carpet (mercifully – the Cat, although I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that one could have been much, much worse had it been produced by anyone else.)

Thank you,


(officially behind schedule)