Four days ago, I stuck up my head from the mess that is my current sweater and thought, you know what I need? A nice pair of socks on the needles. I’ve always got a plain pair chugging along, I keep it in my bag and whip it out when I’m standing, walking or waiting, but I like to have a fancy pair going too, just for knitters interest.

With Viper Pilots done, there was space in the queue, so I snagged Janel’s book of the shelf, picked a sock and dove into the sock yarn stash.

I came up with the Niagara pattern and some very pretty sock yarn from Red Rocks Fiberworks (It’s Snowmass) and charged ahead. What follows is a transcript of what happened since then.

Day One

Damn. This is pretty sock yarn. Damn. This is a pretty pattern. I know! I’ll put them together and have a damn pretty sock.

Day One: moments later.

This sock yarn is a little fine for this pattern. Hmm. This might not work. I think that I shouldn’t start these socks because this is a really bad combo. I’ll think about that while I keep winding.


I think I really screwed up here. This pattern calls for larger than average gauge. This yarn is thinner than average. I think that making gauge is going to be a problem that I can’t solve. I think I should frog them. I’ll think about that while I cast on.


I was so right. This sock looks like the dogs breakfast. I think I should frog them. I think I’ll try going up a needle size and keep knitting.


Bloody wing of moth. This is terrible. The gauge is super loose. If these socks fit they are going to be worn through in less time than it takes a hummingbird to think about flowers. I think I should frog them. I’ll start the second repeat of the pattern while I think about that.


This is terrible. These aren’t going to fit. They’re huge. I think I should frog them. I think that while I keep knitting, I’ll try to pretend the person I’m making them for has huge feet.


Day Two

I think these socks got bigger and looser in the night, they aren’t going to work out and I should frog them. Some people have really huge calves though. I could find a person with legs like tree trunks. I think I’ll think about how huge calves can be while I keep knitting.


I bet Sumo wrestlers have big calves.


Do Sumo wrestlers wear turquoise lace socks?


I should frog these. I don’t know any really big cross-dressing Sumo wrestlers. I think I’ll keep knitting while I wonder what do do about this. After all.. I’m at the heel.

Day Three

I should frog these socks, but if I go down a needle size now that I’m at the heel, then these might fit an average size cross-dressing Sumo wrestler.


I should frog these. I don’t know any average size cross-dressing Sumo wrestlers.


These really need to be frogged, but it would be a shame now that I’m almost finished the heel – besides, I shouldn’t rip in the heat of the moment like that. I wouldn’t want to be hasty.


Now that I have the gusset stitches picked up these are really big. Also, there’s no denying that not only is my gauge off, but that you really shouldn’t be able to see the TV through two layers of knitting. I should really frog them. They look like fishnet stockings. Maybe they’ll get better if I keep going.


Really loose fishnet stockings. I should really frog these. These socks are not socks. Lacy ski- boot cozies maybe, but not socks. I’m almost done the gussets though. I wouldn’t want to waste all that work.

Day Four:

There is absolutely no chance that these socks are going to work. They are terrible. They don’t fit, I didn’t get gauge, I paid no attention to the yarn the pattern recommended and I have chosen the wrong yarn. These are wrong. These should not be knit. I can’t allow this to go on for a second longer. I can’t believe that I’m halfway down the foot and it’s just now that I’m noticing all this. What a waste of time. I wish it had occurred to me that I should frog these before now. I have just got to pay more attention to my knitting.