A Pox

I’m having one of those days,  the days that I possess the reverse Midas touch. Instead of turning to gold, everything I touch turns to crap.  I’ve fouled a spreadsheet, my mail program, spilled coffee, forgotten to move the laundry from the washer to the drier (so now everything in there smells a little like cheese and needs to be re-washed), exploded a bag of cat food (don’t ask) misplaced an important paper, created a paper disaster while searching for aforementioned paper, received a book I ordered, only to realize it’s not the book I meant to order, found a splash of ink in one of my best knitting bags where a cheap pen has clearly vomited on my yarn and then discovered some evidence of a mouse incursion near my flour bin. 

I got two packages in the mail but they were both for Joe, my blog software crashed and took a great post with it, we’re suddenly and remarkably out of any sort of useful groceries, the battery in my camera is dead and I think I left the charger in Portland, the vacuum cleaner is making an expensive noise, and I think my phlox is dead in the backyard, which is probably related to the clear evidence that one of the soaker hoses out there really hasn’t been soaking anything for some time.  There was a spider the size of a Honda in the bathroom, the living room is a mess, I did the math wrong on a knitting pattern and it turns out I don’t have enough yarn after all, a ball of yarn fell off the winder mid wind and tangled, and I think that I kitchenered the toe of a sock shut this morning with all the skill of a drunken wombat with a crack habit and no knowledge of knitting – which really pisses me off, because you should be able to count on a skill like that, even when you’re having a bit of an off day.

On the upside, I found an rotting and moldy apple core down the side of the couch, which at least explains the reek in the living room that floats over you as pungently as an elderly skunk conference every time you sit down.  (It does not, however, explain why nobody else could smell that we were running an indoor compost program.) 

In short, out an instinct that can only be interpreted as self defense,  I am canceling the rest of Friday.  If you need me, I’ll be in the bath with a beer.  
Peace out.

275 thoughts on “A Pox

  1. See – other people think I’m crazy when I want to cancel days or holidays or whole months. You obviously preface the whole thing better than I do.
    Enjoy your beer, have one for me!

  2. Yeah, it’s that type of day. Can’t wait to get home and soak in the tub…and work on my shawl.

  3. Been there, done that. You have my sympathy. What are you going to do with the Honda-sized spider, though? She might want her own beer.

  4. This sounds like my favorite kids’ book “Alexander and Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”
    I hope things turn around as quickly as they turned to crap.

  5. wow, dude, you ARE good. You messed up more in your day than I accomplished all week.
    in re Moms vs Dads & expectations, I’ve wondered if it’s partially because we’re all starting with the assumption that the Mom is committed while the Dad is optional. Biology anticipates anthropology, or some cool catch phrase like that.

  6. Wow! You’ve gotten a lot done (unto you) today. More stuff has gone wrong for you than many people even try in a day. I’m impressed by your industry. Maybe the evening will be better. Peace.

  7. Good gravy, all that in one day? You better be careful in that bathtub & with that beer lest even those Old Faithfuls turn against you.

  8. Yep, I’m having a not-so-good Friday, too. Got all ready to leave for work — a little early even — only to spill the last gulp of coffee down the front of my shirt. And, it’s just gone downhill from there…

  9. Lady, you take having a bad day to the extreme. Here’s hoping that the bathroom ceiling doesn’t fall down, the beer tastes OK and the girls stay out of the bathroom. Wait. Doesn’t your house have only one bathroom? This could be a problem.

  10. My condolences. I hope there is chocolate in your future. And that someone lovingly gives you a new vacuum. Just because.

  11. After a day like that, you will have a great many trouble free days ahead. Enjoy the beer, and try not to attempt any more useful work today. It’s bound to turn to crap.

  12. This is rather like what my entire August has been like, I just keep waiting for this month to be over. Except everything that has happened to me is expensive. Hundred of dollars of expensive. Over and over again. Somebody pass the rum.

  13. Well, I’d sympathize, but I’m off to a book group on a book I picked but couldn’t finish because the paperback comes out a month later than I thought and I couldn’t renew the library book because someone (no doubt in this book group) reserved it. After that all I have to do is spend the evening rolling elderberries off their stems so the wine doesn’t poison anyone. Are we taking bets?

  14. I’m must apologize – it seems that I sent my Thursday karma (bad,bad,bad) up north to Toronto and it landed on you. The beer and bath should work. Mine was wine,popcorn and a cheesy movie in the dark last night. I couldn’t take it anymore.
    Peace and joy to you…. (that should arrive about 20 minutes into the beer.) :>)

  15. Delurking to say that I am having a similar Friday and I totally applaud your decision to cancel the rest of yours. Enjoy your bath and beer!!

  16. Days like this simply don’t count. Today is a nonexistent day. Tomorrow will be Friday, August 27 all over again and the world will have another chance to get it right this time. (At least that’s the way it is in my world.) Enjoy your “me time”, dear!

  17. Gee, sounds like my whole week. TGIF! Tomorrow the only things on my agenda are sleeping and knitting. That’s about all I can handle right now.
    Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett – it has to get better.

  18. The blog loves you! And thanks for canceling the afternoon. I’m going home to knit now!

  19. I vote for a glass of red, raspberry bubble bath, and a trashy paperback that doesn’t mind if it gets bubble bath on the pages.
    Hope tomorrow’s better!

  20. Aww, poor baby! Careful with that beer — don’t fall asleep in the tub and wake up drowned.

  21. Hmm, where was that spider, did you say in the bathroom , have someone kill it for you before you take that well deserve soak.I had a mouse problem, but Archie, has taken it to heart to catch them and lay them in my path for me to walk on…discover. and praise him. Don’t you love cats and the way they work. pet your cat and let that take some stress away.Have a beer for me too.

  22. I got my copy of the Commemorative Edition of Knitter’s Almanac yesterday and just finished reading your contribution. It REALLY made my day better. Sorry that yours turned to crap!Chin up.

  23. WOW… it must be a full moon or something.. it’s crazy here in California too…I’m not sure about the comment that suggested pouring vodka where the stinky apple was.. that just seems to be a perfectly good waste of vodka…I’m glad my house is not the only one that has things like this happen in it….

  24. Your day sounds worse than mine–and I had a colonoscopy this morning. Although really, I think my yesterday–prep day for said procedure–had yours beat hands down! May a great weekend be yours!

  25. Before you take your beer and bath, take an extra beer to the backyard, pour it out on the ground, and say in a very loud voice, “I’m sorry to which ever Fate I pissed off. Have a beer.”

  26. …can you canel the rest of my Friday too? …and make that a Screech and Coke for me please.

  27. It’s really efficient to get all the crap out the way in one day like that – frees up the weekend nicely!

  28. So sorry to hear about your terrible day! I think you’re taking the only sensible next step.
    🙂

  29. Oh Harlot, how I love thee. A bath and a beer will re-align your universe for a fresh start tomorrow. kb.xo

  30. I recently kitchenered the toe of a sock closed from top to bottom rather than across the front. Turns out my foot isn’t shaped to wear a sock like that.
    I had the same “What? I can’t even count on this skill?” moment.

  31. the printer ran out of toner, the stapler ran out of staples, the debit machine is out of paper….there was a leak in the store next door, so my washroom smell like someone died….
    you win!

  32. Today I mowed the lawn into the wind, which wasn’t so bad until I realized I’d forgotten to put sunblock on. After I dutifully applied said block, I became a magnet for the lawn. After finishing the lawn (which is over an acre…entirely too large for anything other than livestock) and looking like a haystack on wheels, I will be following your example in the bath and beverage department. Enjoy your Saturday. It’s gotta be better!

  33. My sympathies. I got home from a three-week working vacation late last night, to find that my lawn is dead, my kitchen smells like rats, and I left half my clothes in Oregon (with your recharger, maybe). We may be even.

  34. Oh yeah, same here folks. Pushing a new, taller booktruck at my library, only to have its wheels seize up like a cranky old grocery cart! It fell over, I landed on top, banged both knees and shins, and then hit the floor with my wrists.
    Not conducive to Friday-night knitting! Maybe a little G&T with lime will help, since I am allergic to beer, but I’m with you all in spirit!

  35. Mercury is in retrograde. Communications aren’t going to go well for another 2 weeks.
    Do the beer and the bath. Sit back, relax and know that it will get better.

  36. ummm. yeah. I’m havin one too. don’t know if it’ll help you, but it helps me to remember that in the cosmic scheme of things my sucky days are still a delicious and delightful walk in the park compared to those of many inhabitants of this great sphere. I’m just sayin.

  37. WOW – all of that in one half day. That’s gotta be a record. You should take some pride in that…even if its just a teeny amount of pride. Hopefully this means that you’ve gotten the bad stuff out of the way for the weekend and you’re home free…
    Enjoy the beer.

  38. Your response to a craptastic day is absolutely the right one. Just one suggestion — a conveniently situated ice bucket with a supply of extra beer should definitely be part of the mix.

  39. I hate worse-day-manship as much as the next woman, but sometimes it can be nice to hear that there’s a silver lining.
    For instance, you are not, at the moment, potty training a toddler.
    So that’s something.

  40. Having the same sort of day. Was told it is the full moon. Asked, is it? Answer: well, close enough, it lasts for like 3 days.

  41. Enjoy the bath and beer.
    On another note. Last night I watched a youtube video of you knitting and all I can say is WOW! You are an amazing blogger about a subject I love but now I’m in absolute awe at the speed and ability to knit in front of people While Talking! Amazing. Hope your day dies and the weekend is better.

  42. Speaking of “Alexander and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” (see Holly, 2:55pm), …”some days are like that–even in Australia.”
    The tide will turn….

  43. Eek, sounds like you are having a Terrible, No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day! Sounds like you may be in need of a little yarn therapy: Buy yarn with abandon. Feel better. Rinse. Repeat.

  44. After the insanity that was today culminated in knitting books meeting the fish tank courtesy of my three-year-old, I will be joining you in the bath with the beer. Urm, in spirit. My bath and beer, your bath and beer, two separate things. Are we there yet?!??

  45. Your are too funny. You may everyone have a better day just reading your blog. its been one of those days for some of my friends as well. You make the bad things funny…how awesome is that…HAVE A BETTER WEEKEND!!! COLD ONE AND SIT AND RELAX IN YOUR GARDEN AREA.

  46. So sorry you had a bad morning. Hope your bath is lovely and restorative and that tomorrow is better!

  47. You’ll have to drink an extra beer for me. It’s been one of those kinds of weeks over here (well, less bad and more malaise if that makes sense).

  48. How big is your tub and how much beer do you have? I could be there in about 6 hours (surely they’ll let me across the border without a passport if I explain nicely?). I’ll even bring more beer … or maybe I should stay home and dip myself a wine slushy from the freezer?
    May Saturday be better than Friday.

  49. You could add what Fanny Brice said in Funny Girl “Oy, what a day I’ve had today!”
    I love the idea of canceling the rest of the day, hope that works well.
    Household hint: to rescue a load left in the washer, run it thru another rinse cycle with a cup of white vinigar added. takes all odor out and vinigar smell goes away when the clothes are dry. I’ve used it on some really funky smelling loads, and it has worked every time.

  50. “a drunken wombat with a crack habit” ? well, at least you can make people laugh still – you have not lost that talent today. go rest now 🙂

  51. LMAO. I love you. Almost as good as the first post I read about Joe stuck in the truck in the snow at his Mom’s.
    p.s. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only person who can have so much go wrong is so short a time fram.

  52. I would be glad to help with any of your spreadsheet design needs. Sorry about the cat food, but in a few days, that will probably be an entertaining story. Under the age of about 25 people cannot be trusted to smell correctly, don’t know what to say about Joe. I am not sure I ever want to see a drunken wombat with a crack habit, but I would guess you had more skill than that, it is just your perfectionist tendancies peeking out. However, you wrote a highly entertaining blog post. Enjoy your bath and beer.

  53. This will in no way make you feel better, but this post made me feel better. Thank you!

  54. You’ve had a very unlucky day, and you managed to turn it into a great piece of writing, so that’s at least one skill that’s not letting you down.
    Enjoy your soak and I hope tomorrow goes much better for you.

  55. Yup! Just give it up. When the universe conspires and the yarn tangles, it’s time to shut the blinds, light a candle, drink SOMETHING and huddle. Apples suck, spiders suck, laundry sucks, paperwork sucks, broken pens suck and your day clearly sucks the most.
    Good Luck with the bath and beer, and all the good karma that is being sent your way by “the blog”.

  56. Aw, sorry to hear of your bad day. I had a thoroughly cross and crappy day too; maybe Lady Fate accidentally ordered too many and wanted to get them all used up. But at the end, I got to get on a train, have a beer and a picnic, and now I’m in a lovely historic city for a three day weekend (I love you bank holidays), with the promise of a visit to an awesome button shop, a Viking museum, and some good food. Oh, and there is still dessert and whisky before bed. I hope your weekend is just as good, you could use it!

  57. It must be in the weather or what ever. I baked a cake for company set the oven to the wrong temp and you guessed it burned it beyond use. Now I have baked it again and I am quitting everything for the rest of the day,!

  58. May I join you in the bath with a beer (in spirit and in my own bathtub, of course)?
    I haven’t cleaned my house properly in longer than I care to mention. It looks like a scene from Junior Hoarders. I have one month to get it out of C.H.A.O.S. and into presentable condition before my sister arrives for a visit (first one since 2007), an insurmountable task to do alone.
    And I just got a call that a nephew-in-law is passing through and wants to stop by. ACK!

  59. Its the tail of the Full Moon whacking you as it leaves…or that is my theory. Next time you have a boring stockinette type day..think of the Friday you canceled.
    No one here besides me would smell the apple either..

  60. Pleased you didn’t start numbering the problems in the day, that would have been too much.
    OK, deep breath, think, which of the jobs to make it right (or better) will take 20% of time for 80% effort, start with that. First things first.
    While I would mentally prepare for the bath and beer, I couldn’t enjoy it with a whole lot to deal with in the rest of the house (and I thought I was laidback).

  61. I’d suggest spinning spider silk from your Honda-sized arachnid friend, but the way your day is going, trouble would be sure to ensue. I hope your Saturday is better!

  62. How about instead of canceling Friday we just fast-forward to happy hour somewhere (preferably somewhere with A/C)?
    Maybe now that you’ve let the universe know how truly displeased you are with the way things are going, it will correct its course and something nice will happen (perhaps the kids will do the laundry and Joe will make you a lovely dinner?).

  63. Well, that should take care of all your bad luck requirements for quite a while. Very diligent of you to get it all out of the way at one time. Rest of the week/month should be smooth sailing. Fingers crossed.

  64. After reading several posts mentioning loss of a really good post due to blog software failure, I make a recommendation. Type the post into some other program such as Word or a Text Editor. Save! Save! and Save again as you type. Copy and paste the type post into the blog. I am sure you can guess why I make this recommendation.

  65. Mind if I join you in that beer? (Though I don’t think we’ll both fit in the tub).
    After totalling his truck on Thursday (hitting a deer), work took my husband out of town for the whole weekend. So I get to stay home and call the insurance adjusters and tow trucks and spec out new used trucks and worry.
    Could be worse… it was a bad hit yet we’re both okay. But I still need that beer.

  66. That sounds like the day I had Monday! I wholeheartedly endorse your plan – Monday, I took my beer and a good mystery novel to the bath & stayed there until I ran out of hot water. 🙂

  67. Bathtub with beer sounds like the perfect place to be when you’re having a day like that. Hopefully the weekend will improve. if it’s any consolation, I have been waiting to get a crown put on a root-canaled tooth for 10 weeks now and I thought today was finally the day, but it the crown didn’t fit quite right so now I have to go back next week for more impressions and then they have to make another crown, so it looks like at least 2 more weeks with nothing but a post where my tooth used to be.

  68. Thank you for brightening an otherwise dismal day. I shouldn’t take comfort in another’s poor fortune, but your humorous take on today (wasn’t Friday the 13th two weeks ago?) made me smile for the first time in hours.
    Our air conditioner broke a few days ago during the hottest weather we’ve had all year, and we bit the bullet to buy a new unit since the repair costs for an elderly unit (25+ years) is more than half a new one installed. Today was installation day, and we found that the condenser was leaking into the vent (LOTS of rust and some dry rot), the condenser coil to compressor connection was not all copper as it appeared but mostly rubber hose (a big no-no), the air duct is tied in a knot under the house by that hose (no wonder the airflow has always been bad to the master bedroom!), and it has added almost 50% to the expected cost. The repair won’t be finished until next Wednesday (if all goes as planned), so we’re keeping our fingers crossed for temperate weather.
    On top of that, my son’s girlfriend got a concussion when she was punched in the mouth by a homeless woman last night. She’s better now, but still pretty shook up.
    The vacuum cleaner that just broke seems like a minor annoyance at this point.
    Hope we both have a better weekend.

  69. On this kind of day, I comfort myself with the thought that tomorrow just has to be better…

  70. I hope your day gets better. Mine wasn’t bad — until the teenager got involved. Then it took a bit of a detour toward suckish. Yours puts mine in much better perspective.

  71. *dons hard hat* I’ll check in on Saturday, Friday sounds like its too dangerous to continue!

  72. Actually I’m pretty sure the name of the relevant book is “Grover and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. This is a Sesame Street book, and I read it to my 3-year-old niece about 80 times last summer when she was visiting. A good book for kids – she was fascinated by it.

  73. Stephanie, I had a day like that recently and decided I would just flush myself down the toilet but it was broken too :>)

  74. and sometimes, don’t you wish you could get a refund for a bad vacation? I keep looking for the right paperwork…

  75. At least you didn’t, say, give yourself a concussion and then catch yourself on fire (I did this one year…)

  76. Oh, Stephanie! At least you are warm and witty and funny and can make the rest of us laugh hysterically (while nodding in complete sympathy and comprehension) at your description of your awful day. Thank you for brightening mine, and reminding me that I, too, can find humor in my disasters. Enjoy your beer, and may the knitting and household fae look more kindly upon you tomorrow!

  77. And you can’t even blame in on being a Friday the 13th…………………
    Hope tomorrow is better.

  78. I just went through the deep dark abyss of car repair and now that you remind me of it, my vacuum is in need of serious repairs also. Augh!

  79. Stephanie,
    Does this have anything to do with the time zone weirdness you experience? Just wondering. Tomorrow will be better. Rebecca

  80. A “”bit of an off day “” ??!! Holy moly–lock the bathroom door and stay there.

  81. I found the lost flash drive, but the missing document wasn’t on it. Also the apricots had critters and I didn’t notice until I’d eaten a few. In other words, yup! Hugs!

  82. It was the “perfect storm” of a day here in Duluth as well. Unfortunately could not cancel it while at work… just had to plow through. Thank god for gracious patients and rock star colleagues!
    Hope your restart goes better…

  83. Go to a hotel or two ( or escape to one permanently) and ask to see their drawer of lost charger cords. You’re bound to find one for your camera and several hundred for any phone on the planet. Friday sucks in Oregon today too and I understand in Montana as well, since we’re both on fire. Peace out would be wonderful. There is not enough chocolate for a day like this.

  84. I’m also having one of those days and as we speak I am having a beer. Didn’t think about the bath though! Now that’s an idea!

  85. OMG. I’m sorry you’ve had such a day, but I’m delighted to know I’m in such good company. I’m almost afraid to eat supper…with the way the day has gone so far, I’ll either have food poisoning or choke. I’m really counting on tomorrow being better.

  86. Drunken wombat, huh? That’s bad.
    Got an extra beer? I don’t even drink beer and that sounds good. I had one of “those” days on Monday and I still haven’t recovered. I think it’s the remnants of the full moon that we had on Tuesday.
    Hang in there and keep knitting.

  87. Well, this makes me feel a little better about having to have my car attended to twice this week for two totally unrelated problems.

  88. Sounds like all of 2006 for me. Ever since that year finally ended, I have made it my reference point for really crappy situations: If I survived 2006, I can survive anything.
    If you survive today (and you will), you can survive anything. See it as a test of endurance. It will end, and you will laugh at it. In a couple of years or so.
    We are all sending you a collective HUG, so take a moment to enjoy the love.

  89. I am so there with you. I found myself nodding right along and may have inadvertently muttered a “preach on” to the reverse Midas Touch.
    Let’s pretend Friday never happened! 🙂

  90. You had me at mice, and I was wondering why you were posting when you clearly were meant to be in the bath with a beer!

  91. Wow. I’m not the only one with a day that has totally gotten the best of me. Let’s blame it on low estrogen, shall we? ;o)
    Enjoy your solitude . . .

  92. Must be the week. Mines been pretty close to that but with a few preschoolers who refuse to nap thrown in there.

  93. Well I concur with cancelling today! My family spent all day in an emergency room with my elderly father. And I had no knitting with me, as I was cycling to work! That is not happening again … I am not leaving the house without knitting in my bag.
    (BTW in a paean to the Canadian health care system the entire visit was completely free, including the ambulance. He had a slew of tests and had seen a doctor within two hours, then had a CAT scan and received the result an hour after that. WOW. I am happy to pay my taxes for those services.)

  94. Oh, Stephanie, no matter how bad my week has been (yes, not just the day) you make me smile. Thanks for putting into words all the feelings the rest of us feel!

  95. Ewe!!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like the day from hell. Stay in the tub and keep the brews coming!

  96. You’re so funny, I wish we were friends! Thanks for the great laugh at the end of a drama-filled week.

  97. I’ll keep it short and sweet.
    1) We had a full moon this week, and from personal experience, it was a doozy!!
    2) Have you read “Committed”? I’m listening to it as I drive (to have time away from motherly/wifely demands) and while I’m knitting a Noro lace shawl (while wifely and motherly ‘demands’ are away for the weekend). Next time I’m coming back as a man.
    I think I’ll go have a bath myself.

  98. I’m with you…having an off day.
    I have the patience of a 4 year old on chocolate covered espresso beans with a bunch of helium balloons and bubble wrap to play with, and ended up yelling at my step daughter over something trivial, crying when my boyfriend left for work, and then crying over something my step daughter said. So, we had ice cream, and I let her watch an extra hour of television so I could bury my sorrows in a cup of tea in the privacy of my bedroom for a few minutes.
    I hate hormones.

  99. OH my god I think it is contagious 2 weeks ago my dishwasher blew up flooding my dining room but it was fixed and I have been just generally trying to clean up for the kids to start school got up today and realized that youngest daughters cell phone (medically necessary) that had been replaced some how the old one was not sent back to co. and so now they are charging us full price for a warranty replacement I went to bed last night and our kitchen was relatively cleaned up but now is looks like someone prepared a 3 couse meal and did no clean up and I don’t see any food either the dog emptied out a trash bag that had no food stuffs in it just general clutter trash and torn it all up and spread it around the living room everywhere I look it looks like I had just piled up crap everywhere and while I am not the best at a clean and clutterless house this is way out of my league I had planned on trying to start working my way through it but now after your post I am taking a hint from you and taking a relaxing bath ordering dinner and going start working it tomorrow and give in for today. Thank you for the suggestion

  100. Honda Civic or Pilot? Sorry you’re having a crappy day. I hope the weekend is better for you.

  101. Weird! I have had the same kind of day. I spilled my coffee all over myself, tripped and nearly fell in my office, cut my finger, bruised my thigh on the filing cabinet and had to have seven cortisone shots in my scar. I just want to crawl in bed, goodnight.

  102. These thinga happen. Just generally not all at once. Honestly? Mercury was in retrograde – there was nothing you could do about it except have a beer and get into the bath. This too shall pass. And if you don’t still have your cat, get a new one – it will take care of the mouse issue. Hugs.

  103. Oh I’m so sorry you’re having a day, but so glad I’m not the only one who has them – or has had one today!
    If only my computer could go in the bath with me – all my understanding friends are in there!
    Hugs to you and wishes for a MUCH better weekend!

  104. Aren’t you glad Megan is now old enough to run to the store and buy you more beer? (Have her get some groceries, too.)
    After the bath and beer(s), I recommend you head off to bed. Get Joe and/or the cat to give you lots of cuddles while you fall asleep.
    And remember Scarlett’s mantra: “After all… tomorrow is another day.”

  105. BUT, I understand that at around midnight, you may be able to see Mars closer than any other time in about a gazillion years, so there’s always something…

  106. Stephanie and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day…
    Tomorrow will almost CERTAINLY be better and think of all the bad juju you got out the way in just one day!

  107. Damn, that’s a Coke and rum deserving sort of day for me. I hope Saturday is better!

  108. “One of those days”? It sounds as though you’re having about four of those days all in the same day.

  109. WELCOME. TO. MY. WORLD.
    Day after day after day. Welcome.
    If not for wonderful writing like yours I would be nuttier than I am. Send Joe out for beer, go out and water the phlox with, let’s call it “personal natural water”, scream obscenities at the local squirrels and then kick back and think of famous people having the same kind of day and not even being able to knit to recover tomorrow!
    At least you still drink….I quit. Now all that I have is your humor to help me through. Have one for those of us who gave up beer, dear…we all need it.
    On the up side, you weren’t on the British Airways flight that had the “BRACE, BRACE” message suddenly come on!

  110. After a completely crap-tastic day at work this was exactly the thing I needed to read. I’m laughing and crying at the same time. Hope your day got better too!

  111. I had one of those days yesterday. Found out that I didn’t get a job that I really, really wanted. Via email. Missed a call from my daughter, away with a friend. Financial snafus. Wonky belly. The kitchen sink backed up and my landlady has yet to call me back or to send the plumber.
    The ONLY good thing about yesterday was yoga class. Today was slightly better. Beer is helping.

  112. You’re not alone…the pool turned green (again & yes there is plenty of chlorine in it), the weeds are winning, hubby & I had argument (loudly) while trying to put a beam up in the garage and then our dog went missing. Good news…we’re both talking again and we found the dog (full of burdocks, but otherwise OK & happy to be back home). That full moon was orange when it came up; that must be why all is askew.

  113. I think it’s a combination of bad, bad mojo and the dog days of summer. In the last 7 days my boss had a stroke, my well-loved job is disappearing before my eyes, a co-worker selected me as the recipient of a screaming tantrum, and is now refusing to do most of her job, I can’t keep up with the work flow (now my responsibility) and two people in my circle have died.
    Oh, and I just finished an interview with a policeman about the break-in next door.
    And my horoscope says these are some of the happiest days of this month. Oh, dear.

  114. One summer in residence, there was a smell in the floor common room. It got worse when the fridge was opened. It was cleaned several times (as a fine if you didn’t wash your dishes). The smell changed several times over the summer as it aged. Sometimes almost pleasant, sometimes very bad.
    During the last week, when only the engineers still had exams to write and most students had left, someone looked at the green garbage bag on top of the fridge. No, it did not contain the blanket and pillows of someone from winter who expected to return to that floor in the fall.
    Yes, Stephanie, the bath and beer sounds to be a good preventative measure.

  115. My recently-inspected car blew up on the freeway today. (We’re fine.) I still think I had a better day than the one you just got hit with. Today’s just trying to make tomorrow look good.

  116. A spider the size of a Honda! Ha, I love that one.
    There IS an upside to all this chaos – it gives you lots to write about!

  117. I really enjoyed reading your post. I appreciate knowing that their are other mothers and knitters who have bad days.
    By the way a good dose of hairspray should take out the ink in your bag. Use the hairspray then wash. Reapply hairspray after after you wash it again if it doesn’t come out the first time before drying. My husband is forever breaking his pens in his pockets, and this trick almost always works!

  118. on days like that what you’ve planned is the best (umm only) thing you can do. watch out for the bath though, hot water and slippery tiles…
    And knit…something really simple, like a garter stitch scarf?

  119. “the vacuum cleaner is making an expensive noise”
    this is the best way I’ve ever hear those noises described and I will now be adopting this phrase. HOpe the terrible horrible no good very bad day passes Steph.

  120. Everything in my life seems to be making expensive noises right now from the gate opener to the dishwasher to the washing machine to the car ,the lawyer, the contractor, the county… To top it off, a certain party in this household has been radically affected by the heat and is making noises like whatever is wrong, it must have been my fault! I’m moving to Australia!

  121. I call that a Turnsta Day. Everything you tough turns to crap. Mercury is in retrograde. Sit back and drink beer until its over. I know I am.

  122. Wait, that was all in one day?! And you’re referring to it as “a bit” of a bad day? I think when you finish that beer (and any others that deservedly may have followed it) and get out of the tub, there should be some cashmere socks waiting for you to slip your feet into, and maybe a cashmere pillow to rest your weary head. I’m so impressed that through all of that I still see your sense of humour peeking through — you set a fine example!

  123. Yeahhh, I had that day on Thursday. A day also known as “my birthday”. I’m taking a do-over in a few weeks.

  124. I so envy that you can cancel a day. I’d love to cancel a week. Hoping you have a better weekend.

  125. It’s not too late. Long tradition has it that if you turn all your clothes inside out it will turn your luck around, because the bad luck will be so confused that it will go somewhere else. This of course says nothing about how confused everyone else will be….

  126. Your day reminds me of the children’s book “Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. Very funny book, and my kids and I loved it when they were little. I’ll have to get it out and read it to the grandkids.
    By the way, do you realize that you used the term “couch” instead of “chesterfield” when describing the site of the rotten apple core? You’ve been mingling with USA folks too much!

  127. When bad mojo strikes and I am striking back with adult beverages, my husband and I recite:
    Nobody likes me; everybody hates me;
    Think I’ll go eat worms.
    Big, fat, juicy ones,
    Little tiny squirmy ones…
    And that is about as far as we get before getting giggly.
    Everyone has days like that. And being able to laugh about it is what keeps us going back for more!
    Hugs, Smiles and Cheers!

  128. Ooh, bad case of jet lag/incomplete timeshift. But then you have a 3 hr difference between Portland and Toronto.
    Male partners and children at home have that inability to smell, anything from rotting apple cores to the dirty socks smell in their rooms. I’ve never understood it, either.
    Enjoy the beer & bath.

  129. It’s Got to be the Mecury Retrograde – same results with all I tried yesterday – should have given up early on, but .. you know…. Still it was NOTHING on your day – hope the Bucket of Beer was Good!
    Worried that it won’t start improving until after Sept 12 – heh – oy…
    Today I will try to go around quietly, and see if I can avoid being noticed by the Retrograde Dust.

  130. I love how you can take a horrible day and complain bitterly about it, yet still end up sounding so fabulously funny and upbeat. 🙂
    Saturday will be better. 🙂

  131. That cat food bag thing is contagious — today, ziplock failure as I held the very expensive bag of Blue Buffalo Wilderness cat food in my painful left hand. Cat food all over the kitchen floor. Before I had coffee. I don’t have the energy to explore the weird smells.

  132. I’m wondering how you exploded the cat food bag. At least dealing with a psycho new cat mom seems normal.
    Maybe you can come here and find the source of the stink in the laundry room. We can’t figure it out. I have left clothes in the washer many times before so you are not alone on that one.

  133. Thanks so much for your comment about gender roles, etc. Somedays I think I am the only one who notices these ‘minor’ differences in treatment/attitude for moms/dads. It’s refreshing to hear someone else express it so clearly. Another pet peeve: women who cringe when you say you’re a ‘feminist’. To be female and not be proudly ‘pro-female’ should be a source of shame, not the other way round!! Yikes!
    My husband is also a feminist, since, hello: what would he do without one?

  134. Maybe this is a good time to tell you that after more than 40 years of knitting, I finally knit my first pair of socks, using your basic sock pattern. I used Kroy sock yarn that knits up in a pattern and they are beautiful! I am just thrilled that I have finally overcome my fear of knitting socks.
    Thank you. A hundred times – thank you for everything you do for the knitting world.

  135. Mercury is in retrograde, and clearly it decided to let everyone know.
    I considered Friday a success when I didn’t get trapped in a public transit station on my way home.
    I vote we all go hide.

  136. “…And this too shall pass”…this and a quote from Mother Teresa “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” are all that keep me going some days.
    I wouldn’t have tried the bath for fear of finding a plumbing problem. I would have went straight to bed and pulled the covers over my head and stayed there until the next day.
    Hopefully Joe gave you a wonderful full body massage, fixed dinner, and a box of your favorite chocolates when he saw how stressed you were.

  137. You think your day was bad – I got stung by a bee while sleeping in bed at home – turns out we have a bees nest in our bathroom – built overnight -how could that happen?
    Love your blog and posts – guess those “pox” days happen to all of us!

  138. I hate to tell you, but it’s a long-distance effect. While reading your post, my computer ran out of battery and abruptly shut down.

  139. You’re one up on me though because if I could Kitchener a sock shut with anything like the skill of a drunken wombat, that would be one of my best days ever.

  140. Good thoughts going your way. I had a shitty Friday when I was running my 5k and my left earphone would not stay on when I went faster then a power walk.

  141. “drunken wombat with a crack habit…” you make me smile, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. I know it’s wrong to find amusement in your bad day, but your description amused me. May all your toes kitchener yourself for a few weeks.

  142. Ahhh, yes. My brother refers to the anti-Midas touch as the “Meineke Sledgehammer.” I generally stay away from anything resembling knitting on those days, and I stay REALLY FAR away from anything that involves sharp objects (sewing and embroidery, for starters). Dinner tends to be pizza on those nights, and I make Boyfriend drive to pick it up, lest I lose control and careen into the retention pond or something.

  143. Wait, I’m confused. I thought a couch was a chesterfield! If a couch is a chesterfield, what’s a couch???

  144. Wow. Perhaps you should check down that same couch for the ‘crap magnet’. Donate it to some nasty neighbours.
    Beer & bath = ah lovely. I hear that beer has ions that counteract negative energy. Or give you beer goggles. One of the two.
    Thanks for sharing your Poxy day – we can ALL empathise I know, immaculate housewife syndrome or not.
    😛

  145. Here, I’ll make you feel better.
    On Monday, we had to put my father-in-law into a nursing home (long story you don’t need to hear). On Wednesday, we found out that a kid my son graduated from high school with had stroke-like symptoms and the doctors (three months later) still can’t figure out what’s wrong with him. On Friday, another friend of mine told me her daughter (21) was just diagnosed with systemic lupus. All this after another friend had a bicycle accident earlier this summer and had traumatic brain injury (he’s almost healed now, praise god, and can be a dad to his 2 little girls), another friend lost her best friend to cancer, and yet another friend had a perfect stillborn little baby girl. All I’m hoping for is that I can still raise my arms to keep hugging all these people. My head feels a little numb from it all by now, and my hands can’t even pick up the needles. I don’t know who to knit for first.

  146. Thanks for sharing, you made my day (sorry, don’t mean to be enjoying your troubles, just that misery loves company) and thanks for a great post, plus the really enjoyable comments. You have some great followers, almost as much fun to read as your posts.If you can believe it, I read them all! :>) And I love the expression ” an expensive noise”.

  147. Loved it! Loved it! Loved knowing that others have these days too! Not to worry. Everything changes. Any port in a storm!

  148. LOL… hope the bath with the beer went well !!
    I am so glad that I am not alone in the world of exploding cat food bags and tangled yarn !!
    Hugs from the Maritimes and hopes for less eventful days ahead and much zen-like knitting !1

  149. They “can’t smell” the rotten apple core for the same reason folks around here “can’t smell” the cat box: if they admit to smelling it, they have to clean it up!

  150. Go for a long walk, rest under a tree and tomorrow will come along . . . brighter and better!

  151. Steph, This gave me a chuckle..Laughter solves the problem/ situation..then you grow old with memories..

  152. Oh Stephanie! This sounds like Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day. I hope the beer and the bath help – it’s definitely easier than a trip to Australia.
    I hope Saturday is better!

  153. Dear Steph,
    You have fun cancelling your friday, I hope your weekend gets better! There are no many times that I wanted to cancel for days or even weeks..Long story very short this week has ben well… a week from hell and i totally understand where you are coming from. Hope the day off helps you!!
    Much love,
    ~Liz (Ayla)

  154. A horrible no good very bad day. 🙂 Yup. Thats my favorite book as a kid. Hope the wekeend was much better!

  155. Such life situations are the reason God made grapes, fruit, grains and gave us the idea to ferment such beauties.
    God is good…really good. He knew we would need these as much as meat and bread. Fermented drink cures many ills…bad days included!

  156. Well, look at it way. Fate has dealt all of your monthly in one, tidy and efficient day.
    Or
    A good excuse to have a drinky-poo in the tub.

  157. That last comment was not meant to have all those grammatical mistakes.
    Looks like the crap is spreading.
    outta here!

  158. DD had that sort of day on Saturday…here goes: Bad/horse gets kicked on Friday, Good/horse not lame, can show on Saturday. Bad/truck dies at barn & horse already at show, Good/barn owner tells DD where keys are to her car. Bad/many distractions that could spook horse, Good/Stayed on. Bad/didn’t show as well as desired, Good/again, stayed on horse & got ribbons in all classes, Bad/truck needs new battery, Good/boyfriend brings new battery & puts it in.

  159. Sounds like my day. I’ve been out of town for over two weeks. I come home to find a house full of fruit flies. There were two other adults (using that term loosely right now) still living here. I’m savage.

  160. Wow. I know you posted this on Friday but I’m reading it now on Sunday and have been having just the type of day you described. Nothing so far has worked to take me out of my funk. This post just accomplished that in very little time. I thank you.

  161. I guess as long as we can still depend on the earth to turn, this day too will pass. Hope your plan to drown the freakish friday in a bath and a beer was succesful. Do admit however that your post has me laughing out loud, in front of slightly puzzled co-workers (it is monday morning local time here and now).

  162. Oh, so wish I had read this on Friday, just returned from our annual bay point retreat…ocean, champagne,(mimosas), wine,rum,beer,lasagna,(so much food) knitting and friends weekend in Georgetown Maine…we laughed and laughed, wish you were there.
    We would have invited you or at least sent Karma your way.

  163. Mercury is in retrograde until the freaking 12th of September. I suggest staying in bed until then.

  164. All that in one day? It boggles the mind. I recall years ago when I worked on the floors at a major teaching hospital and when a day like that happened, we all would give thanks that at least we weren’t neurosurgeons and there WAS a limit to how much damage one could do. Think about it. Or not, if you’re scheduled for an admission.
    Regarding your poor sock toe, one night I stayed up til about 2am or so because I couldn’t leave a sock so close to being a sock and realized I’d grafted the toe up & down instead of across. Of course I’d also finished off the yarn end so well I almost couldn’t find it to pick out and re-do. Thanks for the memory.
    JoAnn

  165. Me: I figured out we can use the new vacuum cleaner’s attachments to suck all of that DISGUSTING gunk out of the cracks of the kitchen drawers that’s been bugging me for MONTHS but I haven’t found time to empty the drawers to clean!!!
    Husband: What gunk in the kitchen drawers??

  166. I had one of those days yesterday. I couldn’t even knit a swatch! Back in the knitting bag it went, turned on the Steelers football game, they lost, I should have just gone to bed.

  167. “Some days are like that, even in Australia.” Have you read “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day?” It’s an awesome book, and the tone and style of your post echo it remarkably well. I hope the weekend saw a turn-around and the new week is far, far better than the end of the last.

  168. Oh no! The charger’s in Portland?? Hopefully she can send it back quickly. I wouldn’t mind seeing a bad kitchenered toe every once in awhile. I do my share of them as well. They kind of creep up on you every now and again. It starts out fine, and then the count is wrong, and then . . . the whole toe goes to crap.
    I hope your weekend was much better!!

  169. wow……sounds a bit like my friday as well, although not nearly as spectacular! nice choice on the beer and bath….i chose beer and a brownie which was equally satisfying….

  170. …”..even when you’re having a bit of an off day.”
    A BIT of a bad day? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Oh my. There is nothing to do for a day like that but swill an entire bottle of wine while staring at the sink full of dirty dishes.
    Hang in there. You’re working off bad karma.

  171. No, I win.
    Our internet broke (someone flicked a switch somewhere)on Friday, I woke with a sore throat on Saturday morning, took a bite of breakfast and broke a chip off a tooth. So here it is Tuesday and we’ve got the net working but I’ve got aching ribs from coughing and a sore tongue from the chipped tooth which I won’t get looked at until Friday because I don’t want a lot of metal in my mouth if I should feel the urge to cough!
    I am sure I win.

  172. Ah! Don’t sit in the bath. You might be electrocuted with that luck of yours! *too much CSI while knitting, I guess*
    *hugs from the blog*
    Oh, I visited Lettuce Knit, lovely store. I ordered a copy of Knitting Rules – can you sign it? Meghan was lovely! 😀

  173. This really has been the mother of all Mondays. At least you didn’t step on a mouse… that wasn’t really a mouse at all. I had a lesson in “String Theory” involving a sewing project, a cat and not enough caffeine. Really, a rotten apple sounds quite benign.

  174. >
    WHY CAN’T THOSE OF US WHO HAVE OFFICE JOBS just cancel a day when everything goes to heck? just saying – Well, at least I can laugh at your funky bad day and glad this isn’t one of my funky bad days. Best – Hester from Atlanta

  175. I’ve never posted to your blog before, although I’ve followed it for several years now.
    I’m compelled to post because I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU!
    Please post something so that we know you are alive and well and didn’t fall into that pox like vortex that you encountered last week.
    …Leslie from Killaloe

  176. OMG, parallel lives.
    I heard skittering in the basement that means that the rats I thought were gone are still there, or back.
    Found a mouse in the bathroom and my screams of startlement scared my poor kid to pieces (I’m not afraid of mice, but I scream easily when startled).
    Finally got the fence built between my and my neighbor’s properties, shared the cost… and it’s too tall by city standards and must be shortened.
    Thought I was making headway on getting the house cleaner, and it is clearly yet MORE chaotic.
    Made my son cry because of all the above plus my period and it was NOT his fault. Poor lamb.
    Do-over, or cocktail?

  177. Stephanie, I laughed so hard I cried. I sincerely hope things got better from there!

  178. Just registered for your Knitting with Mawata at VogueLive!! CAN.NOT.WAIT! NYC in the winter can be amazing.

  179. Oh dear. While I sympathize with your pain, I do appreciate that you’re willing to write it all up for our amusement. Even my non-knitting husband-elect laughed over this one.

  180. I would like to have a copy of the Knitters Almanac to have for my 10 year old daughter, who is just beginning to knit with me. I wish someone had given me at age 10 some needles, yarn, and a book, essentially handing me a gift that I could have for the rest of my life. I would like her to know about Elizabeth and what an amazing woman she was for the knitting community. Thanks for doing the introduction. I am sure it is amazing. Love the blog.
    Jennifer and Madison (age 10)

  181. I so understand the cat food bag. Had the same thing happen, only it was a 50 pound bag of dog food and there were 3 canines running around like it was Thanksgiving and Christmas combined.

  182. On the plus side, that “drunken wombat with a crack habit” sentence is among the best I’ve ever read.

  183. Are you SURE you don’t live at my house? Hugs to ya. Lock the bathroom door, Joe and the girls can pee behind a bush in the yard. It might help keep the squirrels away, too.

  184. You just described my current week although it’s much funnier when you talk about it. Hope this Friday is better than last

  185. I’ve had many days like this, and never could express it so eloquently. It’s what we used to call a Jonah Day.

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