Dear Blue Yarn that will be Jolie,
It is with my sincerest apologies that I write to you today, not to tell you that I am a senior civil servant in Nigeria who needs your confidential help transferring my dead father’s millions out of my country, but to say that I’m really sorry I’ve been leading you on like I have.
I know I gave you every impression when we met that we were going to have a short, intense fling that quickly ended in a sweater together, and really I thought that was what was going to happen. I know I cast you on really quickly and knit halfway up your back like it was a commitment and then wandered off like I don’t care, but I do.
The truth is that as romantic as our time together is in the evenings, you’re a really dark yarn with a stitch pattern happening that I need to see to do, and – well. No matter how hard I try I just can’t see you in the evenings. I’m sure you noticed that I’ve been hanging out with socks at night, and it’s not that they’re better than you or sexier, or younger or anything like that, it’s just that they aren’t very demanding – I still think a sweater can still work between us, but you have to admit that you’re pretty needy and I need better lighting if I’m going to see you at all.
Let’s do lunch.