Monday if I say it is

This all comes to you at a very wee hour, though I’m starting it at home before I leave, it will likely be finished at the airport.   Here are things I’m thinking this Monday morning- and before you start correcting me, stop right there.  It’s Monday if I say it is.  The real day following Sunday was a complete piece of complicated arse that I absolutely could have done better,  and I would have skipped it, were it legal.  I’m calling a do-over.

Reasons why, and yup.  It’s a little random.

1. Sam got a fantastic opportunity to do something perfect for her, and she’ll be going to school away for a little while.  It is something we never though she would qualify for, and as good as it is for her, it’s hard for me to pretend that I love it, but this weekend when we dropped her off I was really brilliant at pretending that it’s okay with me for my kids to pursue stuff that takes them far from me, even if they are ready and need it.  Details withheld because I have a creepy stalker and there’s no bloody way that I’d tell the whole world where Sam is without her mama. It’s like camp with school and bears and timber wolves and there will be snow and I think she will like it a lot, and really the other girls have gone places and Sam did go away on a ship this summer which was really dangerous and I …

2. The fact that Sam is far, far north of here has me in such a tizzy that all I can do is knit for her over and over.  The last week has produced a hat and mittens, and now a scarf, since I’m worried she’ll be cold without her mum.

I know that almost 17, kids really aren’t cold without their mums, but I can pretend and dream. 

This scarf is just a simple feather and fan, and is the leftovers from the mittens I made her the other day. 

It’s LSS in Eggplanted, and wonderful soft.  Mostly knit in a car, and blocked in a hotel room.

3.  I am fighting the urge to knit her everything. Like maybe pants or a snowsuit, but realizing that this is like the urge I had to microchip Amanda before she went to Europe. 

4. She has actually asked me not to be weird with the knitting.

5. I don’t know if I can’t be not weird about the knitting thing.

6. I’m flying to Portland today to work on Sock Summit. 

7. We came back from up north last night sort of late, and I had to unpack my stuff, wash my stuff, and repack my stuff and get to the airport by 5:30 and that’s a totally crazy time of day and I really, really think that I have to do something about how crazy I am if I think that I can do this trip on 4 hours of sleep, but here I am again.

8. I am in the airport now, and I am knitting socks and blogging to stay awake.

9.  I would sleep because I’m really not that hung up on being awake at this time, but I’m actually very worried I’ll miss my flight if I nod off.

10.  I think I may need to examine the level of self loathing that let’s a woman get herself out the door this early just to save money, because that’s what it was.  I’m here this early because the later flight cost way more, and I can’t bring myself to pay $100 an hour for sleep, and despite being a staggering zombie in the airport right now, I don’t see that changing about me anytime soon. 

11. Even if I could afford it, I think I would rather spend $100 on yarn than sleep.

252 thoughts on “Monday if I say it is

  1. Could it be I’m first?!
    Economist says: can you knit up a hundred bucks of yarn in one hour (maybe you could, being the Harlot, so I’m just checking to make sure)? If not, there is sound reason in trading one hour of sleep for $100 of yarn.
    🙂

  2. Sorry about the ‘spam’. Didn’t mean to. I tried to correct a typo and as a result got 3 entries
    😐

  3. Trust me Stephanie, Sam will be okay and I know you know that. I moved away from home to Poitiers, France, in 2004 and I survived and came back a little older and a little wiser. (My mum also survived and even she was a little older and a little wiser by the time I came back.)
    And, being grumpy because you’re up early in the morning is totally okay, especially if it means you save money.
    Good luck on Sock Summit!

  4. It does sound like a wonderful opportunity for Sam and I understand your nervousness about letting go. My oldest is only 12 but I can feel the nerves starting already.(It could be hormones(hers and mine)-have to check on that one.)Anyway-Good Luck to Sam,and Good Sleep to you when you get a chance!

  5. Stephanie, you are being very brave. My kids are 33 and 35, but they will always be my babies. Forget that they are both married and have wonderful children of their own. They are still MY babies and wherever they go- I worry. It is part of being a Mom. Do not every apologize for that fact. And, secretly they LOVE that we do worry, you know that, right? Be well and think good thoughts!

  6. $100 traded for yarn sounds great any way you put it! I’m sure Sam will be fabulous and she will be home soon. And you are never too old to need your mum, even though she would never tell you that.

  7. As all five of my girls arrived between midnight and dawn, it has come to feel quite normal to be up before the sun is. (Maybe not desirable, but altogether normal.) Just wait until Menopause and her cousin Insomnia show up on your doorstep. Meanwhile, have fun in Portland (one of my favorite cities). Kinnear some great yarn for us, OK?

  8. It’s called “motherhood” and it can be painful sometimes but usually for the best. Mine are much older and I still fret often about the silliest of things. Enjoy every nerve racking minute, relax, have a great flight and summit! Ain’t it good to be alive!

  9. Yay Sam!
    (And good thing Mum has a wee hobby called Sock Summit to take her mind off the whole spreading-wings-and-soaring thing.)

  10. Did you know that scarves knit by Mom’s are warmer than other scarves?* I would assume the same applies to hat, mittens and other Mom-knit garments. (I would also assume Grandmother-knit garments have similar properties.)
    *I have no scientific data on this, just a scarf from my Mom that keeps me warm.

  11. Stephanie, that’s why knitters love you — we’d all sacrifice some sleep to save money for yarn. We totally understand that — you articulate it much better than many of us could. And knitting items for Sam is your way of trying to protect her. Who could not love that? Especially when it’s in good yarn and done so beautifully!

  12. Hope Sam has a fabulous time away. Try not to worry to much, easier said than done, I’m sure. Channel all your nervous energy into yarny things. She will wear all her knitted goodies, and be wrapped up in your love, and you should get some comfort in knowing that.

  13. Go Sam (!) and I totally understand about letting our “babies” go on to new experiences away from us – I secretly cried when my second child (oldest son) flew to England for his third year of university. Even though he had already had two years of school away in Kingston, I always knew that I could drive to see him, but flying overseas was a whole other issue.
    This is the same son that requested a hand-knitted scarf from me for Christmas two years ago and restarted me on this knitting thing. I made him a scarf and a hat, and have now completed my first pair ever of socks – toe-up on two circulars – for me. Now I can make great Christmas gifts!
    I totally get the knitting for our children (and now grandchildren for me) – we are still protecting and keeping them warm. Enjoy your time on the Pacific Ocean!

  14. Congrats to Sam and her loving parents for seizing the opportunity. You seem to realize that, as hard as it is for us, our job as parents is to turn dependent infants into independent adults.
    The scarf is beautiful, the pattern looks great in a color-changing yarn.

  15. Pfffffft. Sleep is for the weak, anyway. Or my husband. Or the baby. I can get some good knitting time in myself 😉
    Big congratulations to Sam – first off on a tall ship, now this. Seems like it’s the year of Sam!

  16. I hope she has a wonderful time. Sending kids away is always hard for me too. No matter that it’s for their benefit and they are ready to spread their wings, I smile to hide heartstrings breaking and the tears in my eyes. As to the $100, maybe you can kill two birds with one stone by choosing “Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care.” 🙂

  17. Kids are always cold without their mom. (US resident, so not mum.) A sweater is what a kid puts on when mom is cold, so get to work!
    I’m that way about airfare too.
    Remember, it’s the journey, so take in joy in everything she learns to do. Listen to me – I’m not the weepy sort, but mine’s a high school junior this year, and I can’t picture 2 years out.

  18. I always book early flights and then the morning I’m getting up at o’dark thirty I wonder what the heck I was thinking.

  19. Yay for Sam! I hope she has a wonderful time. And here’s my best wishes for a quiet flight on which you manage to get some sleep, and a great time in Portland. 🙂

  20. It’s a proven fact Stephanie that the early morning flights are notoriously more on time than those later in the day. The airlines just haven’t had that much time that day to screw it up yet. So you didn’t take the earlier flight to be frugal. You took it to ensure that you got to your destination when you needed to. (you can nap on the plane!)
    enjoy! and good luck to Sam! oh, to be a kid again!

  21. Congrats to Sam and Hugs to you for being brave! Sacrificing sleep to have stash money is how us knitters roll! LOL

  22. I came from a town where kids didn’t go off to work in Banff for the summer – instead they worked on the salmon cages or at at local factory – so I’m always excited about the opportunities kids have to do something extraordinary.
    When I was 20 I went away for the summer to Brasil. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, and my parents: I survived without them on another continent.
    Sam – I hope you have a blast wherever you are! I bet you’ll learn amazing things. If I could, I would go back to being 16 just for the chance to hang out with bears and wolves and trees for a semester or two.

  23. (1) I think it really stinks that you have a creepy stalker. You deserve better from the Universe. (And even if you didn’t have that creep, it would be wise not to post Sam’s whereabouts.)
    (2) You were very brave to let her go.
    (3) Think of the incredible hug you’re going to get next time you see her.
    (4) Let me know if you run out of sock yarn. I don’t want to think of how fast you might knit when you’re all wound up!

  24. !!!@ stalker
    Geez, and people wonder why I sent my oldest (and have started my youngest) to martial arts and self-defense classes.
    I feel your pain. Last year I sent my then 16 year old to South America to learn about volcanoes and this year his grandparents are funding a class trip to Spain (my fix the house and buy yarn budgets are still feeling last year’s diet). Every time we send them off, I feel my heart in my throat but these experiences are not something that come along every day. So you kind of have to say yes to letting them grow even though it’s both terrifying and exhilarating.

  25. Is it actually possible to be weird about knitting?
    Please, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me that my children will not grow up as fast as everyone elses’ seem to!!! If my Mom was here, I’d totally apologize for telling her constantly that she worried too much about me!

  26. I have a similar situation with my 15 year old. Letting them go off on their own makes my stomach hurt.
    So sorry about the stalker. Just when you got rid of the cyber bully.. sigh
    Oh and the scarf, hat, mittens, etc.. are all wonderful!
    Keep strong!

  27. Creepy Stalker? Ewwww I had 2 of those… They suck, but don’t stop living your life because of creepy losers.
    Hope Sam has lots of fun, and hope you can manage being away from her…(you can do it just breathe!)
    and missing sleep to save money is completely acceptable, I see nothing wrong with this…
    have a good flight and be safe!

  28. I am with you Steph. I would way rather spend my money on yarn than pedicures, manicures, haircuts etc. Hang in there. The knitting is beautiful. Mary

  29. Hooray for Sam and her adventures! Hooray for all of your brave girls! Hooray for their brave parents!
    The whole point of raising successful children is raising them to NOT need you. It’s the only job where you work to make yourself obsolete. And it sounds like you’ve done it x3.
    Good job Harlot. Your vindication will come when your three raise theirs to not need them, either, and you will be helping them watch their babies explore the world.

  30. I live in Northern Ontario. By January it will be about -40 degrees celcius here. But it’s a gradual thing, so not a big shock. She will appreciate the knitted gifts.

  31. We must be living parallel lives. I just sent my oldest off to Americorps in Colorado and we are urban east coast dwellers. I will see him only once in the next 10 months. It’s great for him, beyond great, but I’ve been obcessing over the sweater I just finished and am lining the hat I made him with cashmere salvaged from an old sweater, just found the perfect scarf pattern. He needs another scarf, right? and…you get the picture. Also, have a flight in less than a week that leaves at the same ungodly hour. Do boys wear mom-made mittens……?

  32. I definitely believe you have your priorities in order regarding your spending and saving habits (though my partner is likely to disagree with me on that). And why not set your Ipod (or cell phone) alarm to wake you 10 minutes before boarding time, then you can go ahead and take a little nap while you wait–that is unless you have some embarrassing sleep habit…Oh, and Sam is fortunate to have you for a Mom–or is it Mum?

  33. I am so sorry you have a creepy stalker. (Creepy stalker, LEAVE STEPHANIE ALONE!) You are very brave to allow Sam to go. I cannot imagine my oldest going to preschool – let alone somewhere far north of me!

  34. you have a stalker? for real?
    now you REALLY know you’ve made it lol.
    sorry this is serious. i shouldn’t joke.
    wait. is it me?
    do i comment too often?

  35. I totally understand about having the kidlets away from home. I’m already worring about my son (who is 14) that wants to join the Marines. I don’t want some drill instructor yelling at my child! Lucky for me, though, one of the others (who is 10) had informed me that he’s never moving out, and he’s going to live in my basement. I’ll have my own personal troll!

  36. Boyzo, sounds to me like Sam will need a really warm sweater too, All the best to her in this new adventure. Just keep knitting things for her and all will be well.

  37. I’m so sorry to hear about the stalker. I just can’t imagine that.
    Good for Samantha and good for you. You’ve raised a strong, self-sufficient girl.

  38. You can sleep on the plane. And knit. I would rather spend the money on yarn too, as would most of us. I’d say you could have a coffee at the airport, but we all know the coffee there stinks. Safe travels, for both you and Sam.

  39. Hope that you were able to sleep on the plane and can find lovely things to add to your stash with the savings. You and Sam will both be fine. Will be thinking of you while I’m at SAFF over the w/e.

  40. From a slightly grown-up woman (not really all that much older than your girls) it’s still wonderful to know your mum knit you something because she was thinking about you. And I totally agree with the saving money and losing sleep- been there done that… though not as often as you.
    (and heck with your creepy stalker… i can send you my ninja boyfriend to help if you’d like. 🙂 )

  41. I’m sure Sam, like the rest of your loved ones, is actually grateful that you can express your irrational worried mothering anxiety, which we ALL have, in knitted goods rather than shipping out unwanted home made baked goods, books, or over the counter medications. Without your knitting you could be much, much worse and WAAY more embarrassing. At least that’s what I tell my loved ones.

  42. Geez Steph, that is creepy. I hope you report that to the police and no, don’t give ANY details on this blog about your wonderful daughter.
    My daughters have all gone far away as well. One to Mongolia one time, and didn’t I find a LLLeader there to befriend her, etc. It was a blessing… we look for connections where we can to ensure our kids’ safety. I hope you have a nice cup of coffee, a latte, and then knit and enjoy the day. I am new to having no kids at home, as all three of mine are away, and I cannot say it’s been easy. ; ( sniff. but I am moving with it…

  43. If it is of any help, Melissa leapman of cable fame has a stalker too. I really don’t understand the whole stalker thing. I mean you are a knitter, seemingly nice person, why stalk? I just don’t get it.

  44. Good luck to your daughter. Growing up is great for them, kind of the pit as the parent. Only job where your ideal goal it to put yourself out of a job! Well, a 24/7 job.
    and yarn vs. sleep in the cost department OH yes, yarn. Sleep can come on the plane where you have already paid for it!

  45. I feel so much better when I read that someone else feels the same way I do! My last flight left at 6 am and I was amazed that I’d do something that early to save a few $$$. But I did. And I almost went crazy when son #2 left home to pursue a music career in Los Angeles when he was 17 years old.
    Are all knitters sisters?

  46. My baby #1 is almost 20 ! And my baby #2 is almost 19 ! And both are away from me. It’s supposed to happen like that, sweetie. What? This thing in my hands? Uhm, I’m knitting a scarf, actually…..

  47. I worked away from home for a summer at 16, in Lake Louise, Alberta. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I think it helped to shape who I am as an adult. It’s hard not to worry (says the mother of an almost-17-year-old) but don’t worry. She’s going to be fine.

  48. I get exactly how you feel about letting them go, it hurts but that is why we’re raising them, so they can go, do, see the world & make it better. I can’t wait to hear all about it.

  49. 1. Sorry you have a stalker, that blows!
    2. Is Megan still at home or does this mean quality alone-Joe time?
    3. That scarf is GORGEOUS and totally chastising me for being so lazy about patterns…gotta tuck back into some feather and fan! Thanks for the glimpse!

  50. I too have gotten up before the plumber’s crack of dawn to save money on a flight, nothing weird about that. Also, when I was 14 I went to Costa Rica on exchange for a month… as a mom now, I’m not sure how my mom handled it, but I was fine and had a great time.

  51. You need coffee and lots of it. Chase it with a calorie-laden sugary dietetic no-no that you would normally deny yourself.

  52. I’m with you on that last point!
    And the more I find out about kids getting older, the more I wish I could stop time for a while and enjoy three for longer than a year…it won’t be long before he’s a belligerent teenager slamming his door in my face and not speaking in anything but monosyllabic grunts for weeks on end. I really like three.
    And, ewwwww! Stalker! Yuck!

  53. The really sad thing about stalkers is that they have no concept that they are really quite evil.
    Anyway, I figure in order for your knitting to register as “weird” you might have to do something like insulated underwear with laceweight/0000 needles. Anything else must be considered quite practical. How gorgeous she will be in her “eggplanted” set. But you already knew that.
    Best of luck to you all until she gets home all in one piece and even more grownup.

  54. Great scarf and mittens. I need to get some of that LSS, since those are my pre-marriage initials.
    You are clearly a great mom to be able to give your kids the proverbial roots-and-wings without flipping out too much in their presence. I am SO happy that my girls are only 3 and 6 and I don’t have to think about their doing anything by themselves for a little while yet. I’m going to have to knit a lot more to cope with that.

  55. Once again you resonate with all. Knitting for children who are doing what they should be doing, and which you are glad for, but sick to the stomach about, Check. Getting up way too early to “save” money which will soon be spent on yarn, check. Child asking adoring mother not to be “weird”, check. Glad you have Sock summit to keep busy and happy so you aren’t reduced to Stalking your children.

  56. Wow. You are being great about Sam going away. I know it must be nerve wracking (heck, you just wrote that and I am taking you at your word), but she will come back and be fine!

  57. Sorry to hear about that stalker situation you’ve got going on there! That can’t be fun…
    Sam will be fine! I tell my mom all the time not to worry since I’ll be calling her soon anyway whenever I go away. It’s good you’re supplying her with knitstuffs, especially if she’s going to be cold where she’s going. I hope she packed enough yarn for herself!
    I wouldn’t want to sleep in the middle of the airport either! You never know if your stuff might get vandalized while you’re dead-asleep in that seat! Better to wait until you’re in your seat…then immediately pass out through the stewardesses waving about talking about exits and such.

  58. I know how you feel letting your baby girl go away. My baby boy just got back from Marine boot camp after being gone for 13 weeks and it was awful. At least maybe you’ll get to talk to her on the phone. We had a 2 minute phone call the whole time he was gone and that was it. The Marines don’t allow phone calls or contact except the occasional letter. Sam will be back before you know it and you will have knit her a brand new wardrobe and she’ll be all the better for it and your yarn stash will have taken a big hit and possibly go down a little bit! lol

  59. Dear Stephanie…you wrote:
    I think I may need to examine the level of self loathing that let’s a woman get herself out the door this early just to save money..
    I prefer to think of it as a way to make the point that the Airliners are screwing us over for convenience..also look at the taxes you saved. The $100 is probably enough for almost a sweater for Sam maybe…you could put it in the ‘weird knitting’ fund.

  60. I think most moms (parents)have been there. w
    When my eldest went off to learn spanish in mexico many years ago it was tough. And when she was to return I randomly was selected for jury duty. I pled (sp? is that a word it looks weird)to the judge i didn’t want to miss picking my daughter up at Pearson after not seeing her for 3 months. I guess that judge had been there too, because she excused me from jury duty.

  61. Beautiful scarf! You deserve a Monday do-over. There are lots of days I want to do that too.
    Boo stalker. Go away.
    Stay strong while you’re little one is away – even when mine is 17, she’ll still be my little one! Have a blessed day.

  62. I think it’s lovely that you channel your love into knitted goodness – while she may think you are weird I’m certain she also knows the weirdness comes from love and that she reminded of it (if only subconsciously) every time she put son a scarf or hat or mitts.
    I hope you had some high-quality coffee to help you through the morning rush.
    A pox on your stalker!

  63. Creepy stalker??? You’ve got to be kidding. Guess not as you wouldn’t kid about something like that. What is this world coming to? Stalker shd get a life. Perhaps take up knitting!!

  64. Going far, far North of my mom to a place with snow at the age of 17 was one of the best things I ever did. I hope it works out as well for Sam.

  65. 1) Kids get cold without their mum, no matter how old they are. It might be less often, but still happens. (I’m trying not to go nuts about my 7 y.o.’s cub scout camp-out with another dad on Friday night. He’ll be fine, right? One handspun hat is enough, right? He still refers to his blankie as his mommy-hug, bless his heart.)
    2) Does this mean you have no girls at home now?
    3) Escaping to Portland is totally cheating in the furnace war.
    4) too bad stalker has such a sorry life they need to become a stalker.

  66. Sam will be fine. You raised some wonderful kids. I was 37 and moved 2,000 miles across the country and less than 1 year later, my parents retired and followed me. I now tease them that when I move again, I am not telling them where I’m going.
    As for a creepy stalker. Us knitters can unite and take him/her down.

  67. Sorry to hear about the stalker. Hopefully it gets resolved soon.
    And I’ve booked flights at early times for less than $100 – and I’ve routed myself through another city to save something like $30 – which at least doubled my transit time. I’ve decided against doing that again – but I haven’t changed the time I leave…

  68. Just chiming in to say “thanks.” There are so many of us out here grateful for what you choose to do with your time.

  69. Oh I feel for you. My daughter spent a year in Costa Rica at the ripe old age of 17 (we live in Tennessee). Now at 26 she is a student in China. It is wonderful to have raised an independent woman but my heart aches daily for her. It does get easier but it is not really fun.

  70. Oh, forgot to say…is it really fair to sneak off to the Pacific Northwest leaving Joe to carry on the furnace war without you?

  71. You only have the biggest posse ever – with pointy sticks, no less – is said stalker part of the public record somewhere? The awesomeness of knitters could probably take care of bidness – if you know what I mean.
    It’s hard to have kids grow up and away from us. Mine are both grown and gone. The older further and further from home all the time, the younger never seems to move more than five miles away. He talks a good game though, I’m guessing to see if I’ll get upset.

  72. Stephanie, I don’t think it’s possible for a mom to get too weird about the knitting, and Sam will soon appreciate having something conveying Mom-love with her. My freshman year of college was my first time away from my family for a long period, and I was very homesick. My mom didn’t knit, but she sent me a sweater and said that when I put it on, she was giving me a hug. It was a great comfort. She’s gone now, but I still have that sweater, and sometimes when I miss her too much, I hold it tight and remember (I can’t wear it any more). Sam can get the same kind of hug from her scarf.
    I am disgusted to hear you have a stalker. May he or she disappear into the ether and not come back.

  73. Seem like you had a creepy person infiltrating your blog and e-mail a while back, too. I’m sure you are dealing with the situation in every way possible, and hope that it all works out for the best. In the meantime I suppose wisdom is the better part of valor when it comes to not revealing personal info.
    But for those of us who are your fans – it’s great to hear about the sock summit and see what you are knitting. The scarf is a lovely match for the mittens. Can’t wait to see the snow suit! LOLOL

  74. Last summer when my (then)16yo was preparing to fly North for the summer, a wise friend told me that at some point we have to believe in what we have taught our children, and give them the opportunity to use the coping skills that we spent their childhood teaching them. She was right. I still cried at the airport when he left and when he came back. He was fine. I cried again this year. He was fine. College next year. It is not likely to be pretty.
    (((Hugs)))

  75. Oh, I am doomed! My own daughter will be going away to college in less than 2 years, and I got choked up just reading the phrase “Sam without her mama”. Wishing you some peaceful slumber and the discovery of some lovely yarn to spend that saved $100. on.

  76. I am unemployed, but I have an 18 month old still waking 2-3 times a night (damn teeth). Even though I can’t really afford it, I would totally pay $100 per hour for sleep if I would be guaranteed not to be interrupted.
    Lovely scarf.

  77. I really hate that a stalker is invading your and your family’s life. It must be a heavy burden for you. You have no idea how much I admire your “forthworthiness” and going on with activities and events.
    The scarf is beautiful–as are the mittens and the hat before–and it will remind your daughter often of your love and care for her.

  78. Begone, crazy stalker! Do you not realize these friends of the Yarn Harlot are a very protective group of women with knitting needles??

  79. I am really sorry you have a creepy stalker. It’s hard enough being mature about your child growing up without worrying about creepy stalkers.

  80. I have to admire your ability to spell, punctuate, and be charming, in the midst of maternal angst, a stalker (???!??)and four hours of sleep. More power to you.

  81. awwww…that is so precious!!!!!!!!!!! knitting items for daughter…then you are WITH her! I know that’s how it works. You have made items to keep her warm, so now she will be ok. She might not have been if you didn’t knit them.
    I do it all the time. don’t need sleep when it comes to the care of your wee ones.
    love you, mum. supreme mum who takes care of her babies. that’s how it’s supposed to be.

  82. I’m so sorry you have a stalker.
    I wish I could tell you it gets easier to let kids go, but my married, 27 year old daughter is the width of two large midwestern states away and it’s hard. My son-in-law is a great person, and I know she’s happy, but It’s still awful.
    She will be happy I never thought of the microchip idea!

  83. Sleep is only a state of mind, right? Yeah, I know I keep trying to fool myself that way, too.

  84. Today my middle child is going on his first field trip and I have to work. I’ve got a pretty sweet gig as a breastfeeding counselor but Tuesday I’ve got to go into the office and so I’m missing it.
    I begged a friend to volunteer so I know he will be with someone I know as a chaperone.
    It’s hard to let go no matter how old they may be (or so my mother tells me).
    I hope you can find a way to get the stalker off your back. I had one of those last year and it was someone I had known. She still persists in trying to find out information about me and her other victims. It really changes how you communicate online, yes?

  85. I miss my 25 year old baby when she’s out of town, too. It’s better with a cell phone, but I still feel out of kilter. I’m even OK with her getting her own place. It was time and she’s ready and it’s not that far away.
    A stalker?!?!? What is wrong with people nowadays? Hopefully, he/she will go away on their own.

  86. We are always happy to have you come to Portland. The fall colors are spectacular and the sun is shining. Enjoy — the rains will arrive soon.

  87. Your Sam and my Rachel are about the same age, and I felt much the same way this summer when Rachel headed out (twice) on educational opportunities far away from me. The second time, I wanted to secretly stay behind and keep an eye on her. I had to keep telling myself, “Ever since she was a baby, you’ve been preparing her to go places and do things without you.” Small comfort, but it (kinda) helped.

  88. I told them when they were small and it’s still true, “You’ll always be my baby.” Now they are both grown, married, and one has a daughter of her own (to obsess over) but I still worry, wish they were closer, and love every chance to be with them. ANd you are not alone in that “early flight to save $100” thing. Who would even think there was anything wrong with that? Have a good safe trip. I hope your stalker has some kind of not-life threatening comeuppance and stops stalking, the scum.

  89. Parenthood is a series of meetings and partings, and I don’t like it any more than you do, but we continue to let our kids go and welcome them back with knitted warmth and love, while our hearts ache.I know you will find many ways to channel your
    missing Sam, even though her room may be filled to overflowing with yarny wonders by the time she comes home. My one and only is at boarding school and I miss him all the time.
    Your willingness to say how you feel is so great, it helps us all.
    Thank you,
    Eve from Carlisle

  90. I think I’d go with the $100 of yarn, too – I’m not sure that’s so much self-loathing as prioritizing (at least, it is so long as you actually spend the $100 on yarn, heh).
    Good job being an excellent mum. If only it weren’t so hard sometimes to smile and let them go….

  91. Awe. Steph (can I address you that way?) This makes me all teary-eyed. Mostly because, I have a mom, who loves me the way you love your girls, and we actually had a special moment the first fall/winter when I went away, during which, I came home to visit and equipped myself with hats/scarves/mittens before heading back to school. And, she told me how I was all-grown up because I didn’t need to be reminded to dress for the weather. HAHA. It’s silly, really. But, Thanks. Calling Mom now to chat. 😀

  92. Here,here! All in favor of $100 on yarn instead of an extra hour of sleep, pick up your needles! If I could have $100 an hour of yarn instead of sleep, at the end of the week I would have enough qiviut fiber(surely the sleeplessness is more economical if you spin the fiber into yarn yourself) for an entire month’s worth of spinning yielding the ounce/grams for the best sweater ever.

  93. Wow, Sam is really having the adventures this year (they all are!). And they couldn’t do it without the independence and character you instilled in them. You’ve talked before about the conflict between doing a good job as parent (teach life skills) and your angst when they put those lessons to use. It’s not easy for you, but Sam will thrive (and you’ll survive). Hurray for adventures!

  94. I totally understand your feelings about your “little” girl growing up and going away!! I am going through the same thing with my baby (28).
    She is moving to Turkey in March with her husband and she is taking my granddaughters with her!!!! I know it is a good opportunity but…… Oh there is the fact that I will be getting my passport and visiting Turkey (don’t they have yarn there???)
    Chin up!!

  95. Hope your “Monday” will be better. Also hope you’ve had a chance to get some sleep. (I’m a non-functioning, headachey grump without it, but I can’t say that I blame you.)
    What an adventure for your daughter! Mine is in Montana & even though she’s grown, I worry over her. You are a brave Mom. Knit on. She’ll appreciate all the warmth when she gets to wherever she’s going.

  96. Dear fellow commenters. Can we please try to remember what Stephanie asked us to do the previous time she mentioned her stalker. Stephanie asked us to ignore her, since she also reads the comments and blames Stephanie for what we write.
    Lets not feed this problem.
    Stephanie, have fun in Portland. I envy you for your smart daughters. They embrace live, with all the opportunities, thanks to your way to raise them. The fact that they do these wonderfull things is the proof that you’re doing a great job with them.

  97. At least it is bright and sunny in PDX today, and Knit-Purl is one of the few LYS’s that has the new Brooklyn Tweed yarn (if they’re not sold out))! [No, I don’t work there, just happy customer.]
    Enjoy your time in the PNW.

  98. Loving the scarf – that yarn really rocks! Very jealous of Sam because she’s gone to such a fab sounding place – timber wolves…….squeeeeee!!! Ok, I know they wouldn’t be quite so squee if they had me cornered and were hungry, but they’re just so beautiful, and the way they look after their family members is such a lesson to us all……but I digress….!
    It’s not going to be easy having her that far away, but she’ll be fine, and so will you, and think of how far ahead on the self imposed sock club thing you’ll be by the time you’ve calmed down about it (should that ever happen until she’s home safe with her mum!).
    Breathe, Steph – all will be well xx

  99. Sorry about my last comment (sounded kind of selfish) What I meant Stephanie is that I understand and feel your pain. What I have learned from my daughters growing up and moving to other states (two in the military) is that it doesn’t get any easier but the time that I spend with them is much sweeter!! We enjoy the time together, cry when we have to leave each other and then start looking forward to our next visit. In the meantime KNIT!! Have fun in Portland!!

  100. Yup. Its being a mom. That explains all of our neurosis about kids, time, money and our mental state. May you find some relaxation and a nap on the other end of your trip. 🙂

  101. My kids have all gone through college, done some stupid things, moved away, some to distant shores and countries, and become very successful. I am now a grandma of 4…and the feeling of worrying about your children never ends. It just multiplies, because you now add the grandkids to your worries. Your knitting also multiplies, the care boxes quadruple. It is part of being a Mom…worry all you want…it is our destiny, but also our blessing. Means we care…and although sometimes our children do not tell us….they love those socks and scarves!

  102. It must be so scary to have a stalker. Don’t worry we’ll wait until she gets home for details.
    You’ll always worry but it’ll be okay.

  103. I know just how you feel; my babies (ages 32 and 29) have both moved about 600 miles away from me in opposite directions. One of my babies is married and has a baby of his own, but he’ll still be my baby even when he’s 90. I miss them both each and every day. The scarf is beautiful and I know she will love it! And, as a sign on the door of a yarn shop I visited yesterday said “knitting is cheaper than therapy!”

  104. Well, when I left home for university, my mother sent me a gift for birthdays. She wrote she would like this to help give me some hold in life.
    It were three bras.
    So keep knitting your ladies beautiful stuff, they’ll really appreciate it.

  105. Let me add to my last post – my Monday was totally crappy too – so I’m all for a do-over!

  106. You have a stalker??? Sooo sorry…and that’s so unfair. With the number of readers and followers you have, statistically I know there will be people who are mentally unbalanced about you, but still, I am very sorry. Please do let us know if there is anything at all we can do to help protect your own mental well-being during this difficult time. I do hope that you have fully availed yourself of every legal resource open to you in this situation, and that you have friends watching out for you and your family everywhere. Here’s hoping it’s successfully resolved very, very soon! Take care of yourself–

  107. Sam will have a blast and be fine, and I totally don’t get the whole stalker thing. Be well, you, and be safe, and sleep on the plane. And later when my kids are older and they come to me wanting to do Big Things, I’ll try to remember to let them, and wait until they can’t see me anymore to cry.

  108. I think that is one of the hardest parts of being a mom. For so many years it’s our JOB to keep them close and make sure they’re safe. To let them go just seems wrong. But it sounds like such a fabulous opportunity for Sam.
    Go sleep on your flight (I’d probably have taken the 5 am flight also, and then kicked myself in the arse all the way there)

  109. Many, many congrats to Sam!!! And many congrats to you for holding yourself together. I like the chipping idea before sending kids to far off places – I didn’t think it was a hot idea when they started finger printing kids, as I get older and have more children in life that I love as my own – it would break my heart beyond repair if something happen to any of them (3 god-children – nieces and nephews as well.)
    The scarf – WOW – I must say that it is really beautiful – I don’t know what it is about it – perhaps the yarn itself, but it’s really nice – Sam will love it and secretly think of her mom keeping her safe and warm every time she wears it.
    Have a great and productive trip to Portland – and get some sleep. ;>)

  110. I SO am with you. Sleep… yarn… .On another note, I do not know Canadian laws regarding stalkers, but here in Pgh you can get a “Protection from Abuse” type order, basically a restraining order against the person. As a teacher, I’ve had more than my share of students following me, but only two scary stalkers, and our police were very helpful. I now warn my students that I’m a menopausal woman carrying knitting needles…
    Stay strong.

  111. OK here’s the plan – all those who’s day is brightened by Steph listen up. On the count of three think positive thoughts that the stalker will disappear in the ether of the internet – 1…2…3!
    By the power of yarn we can do it!! Hugs to Steph & Joe for letting go. It isn’t easy, even with lovely handknits.

  112. Stupid stalker…I bet he would think twice about it if you made him do furnace wars?!! Anyway, I lost my mum this summer…she would have made me TONS of wierd knitting…and Sam will cherish it all…eventually!

  113. I am so sorry that you have a stalker. I think Sam is very lucky too have a cool opportunity. I would definitely trade an hours sleep of 100 dollars worth of yarn. My son always flies at weird hours to save money. He says why pay the airlines when I have better things to spend my money on.

  114. It’s so easy to let personal info slip when you are writing a blog – especially when you feel that everyone is your friend – but to have a stalker – that is just horrible – makes you doubt everyone.
    Regarding your daughter being away – of course you are worried, your a mum and that’s your job – as I say to mine – 30 and 33 – ‘I would be failing in my duties as a mother if I didn’t do the worrying thing’ – however, well done that she has this wonderful opportunity and you have allowed her to grab it with both hands. Now – that’s a mother!!

  115. What the hell with the stalker?! Sending good thoughts that they disappear…in a good way…not in a creepy accident sort of way.
    Also, so glad you are here in Portland since it is sunny and comparatively warm to where you live. Also…since you will be at the convention center working (isn’t that where Sock Summit will be?) I recommend you head over to McMenamin’s on Broadway for a basket of tots and a beer (get the Ruby)….besides yarn, tots and a beer can make you very happy! Or Joe’s Mexican Cantina for the sqash enchiladas…or Nicholas’ for falafel (all on Broadway).
    What?? I’m pregnant and food is always on my mind. Plus, someone has to drink beer for me! (If you can get hold of a Longboard Lager and drink that for me too I’d really appreciate it!)
    Much love and enjoy our sunshine!

  116. I’m with you on yarn vs. sleep! To feel better, go out and spend the $100 on yarn sometime when you’re missing your daughter.

  117. Stephanie, two of my four daughters went away to school. One went to Miami and another to Chicago. We live in Texas. I do understand exactly how you feel!!!!!,

  118. Stalker?!?! That really makes me mad. You are so generous to share part of your life with The Blog, and this is what you get in return. LAME. Sending you some well wishes. I’m sure you’ll handle it with grace and humor, like you always do. Congrats Samantha! And Stephanie and Joe, for letting her go.

  119. Please expose your creepy stalker to the police. CS type like to stay hidden – it makes them feel powerful, rather than crazy.

  120. I totally buy the cheapest tickets available even if it is at stupid o’clock (though my job demands I be up at stupid o’clock at least twice a week anyway so I’m sort of used to it). When we used to travel we would actually search during a range of dates to find the cheapest combination (sometimes altering a day or two in one direction or the other can save loads!).

  121. I’m notoriously cheap, except when it comes to those awful 6:00 am flights. I hate those, and will spend the extra money to not have to go through that sort of misery. sorry to hear about the crazy weird stalker… and I hope you got some sleep on the plane.

  122. With all the traveling to Portland that you do, you’d think they’d have put on a direct flight by now.
    So, if you’re a contestant in the furnace wars and you accidentally (!) leave a burner turned on on your stovetop … do you have to important penalty cold, like leaving the door open for a while, or do you just get to bask in the warmth with impunity.

  123. when my only child went off to college. I knit a sweater for her every week I think. Mothers way of coping. You are on the right track.

  124. I had that sinking feeling when my oldest declared (last year) that she was going out of state to college. It doesn’t matter that I’ve sent her off on a plane by herself to Washington DC (the organizing group met her at landing!), or by herself to France (but we knew the people who were meeting her there!). School is different. Its the day to day, living of the life things that you need your mom for. Right? Right?

  125. A stalker? What could some creep possibly want with you? Did you insult someone’s yarn stash? Seriously I just don’t get people. I am hoping that this resolves quickly.
    I am 42 too and have a 16yo daughter and a 12yo son and I hope they never stop needing me. That’s what we’re here for right?

  126. I’d probably do without sleep for $100, too. My husband’s so cheap that we almost ran out of gas on the way to Rhinebeck because the gas stations we passed were “too expensive,” and he insisted we could do better (by at least a nickel a gallon!). The low gas light came on in the middle of nowhere in NY state, and we were laughing like crazy people (who says middle-aged couples on their way to a sheep festival have no excitement?!). Hope you get some sleep once you arrive!

  127. Sorry to hear you have a creep stalker. I got an amazing opportunity in high school to go away for a semester and do farm stuff and it probably killed my Dad, who never said a word other than sounds great, go apply. Ditto for my husband, who managed to skip an entire year of junior high. That year plus being among the youngest in his class meant he left for college at 16! I know his Mom still feels cheated!
    All will be well. Enjoy the sock summit planning.

  128. Every time our family flies, which is once a year at most, my husband makes noises about going first class because cattle class is so horrible and he looks up the price and it’s $250 more per person (it’s a short flight) and… neither of us can stand to pay $1000 for a total of between three and four hours of decent air service. I totally get 1) hating to fly 2) being too cheap to make it any better.
    If my daughter went to live for weeks/months at the North Pole, or wherever Sam is, I’d probably try to knit her an igloo.

  129. It hurts to let them go, even though it is our job and that’s what we raised them for and they are so ready. My girl just moved away for school this fall and it is bitter sweet, heart breaking. In the book Knit 2 Together there is a pattern for knit sweat pants (FYI). Wrap her up in mother love.

  130. Hey, how about a fun skirt? Some of the lace ones would go well with a nice fabric lining, if Sam is into fun dress-up on occasion, and won’t take as long as a sweater either.
    My mom shipped us out to overnight camp as soon as we were old enough. I felt insulted until my kid got old enough! Then off he went. I missed him terribly, and still do whenever one of us is out of town. Now if he’d only let me knit something for him!

  131. at least she went to a cold place, thus requiring knitting to be done. my daughter went off to nicaragua for 27 months as a peace corps volunteer and all i can do is pray the spiders don’t eat her. way too hot for any mom knit stuff.

  132. Don’t worry! I grew up in the land up timber wolves and bears, worked around them mapping geology in remote locations with no guns, and also survived two years of boarding school in Grade 11 and 12 (albeit in the city with no bears).
    Sam is way cool and outdoorsy – I’m sure she’ll love it! If it’s Northern Ontario I can TOTALLY tell her what plants are edible, although I don’t think there’ll be plants out when she’s there. 😉
    My winter wilderness tips: dry socks and mittens, layers, don’t sweat (de-layer if you start) and lots of nuts, chocolate, and hot beverages for heat and energy. Have a blast Sam!

  133. Pat yourself on the back for raising women who venture out and beyond.
    Ok, knit like the wind first, then pat yourself on the back.

  134. How wonderful for Sam–congratulations that she got to go! It’s so hard to see the children leave, though. Knitting for them is the most reasonable response in the world. (My oldest nearly called an intervention, telling me politely she had enough warm scarves now, thanks.)

  135. “She has actually asked me not to be weird with the knitting”
    She ought to see how weird you’d be WITHOUT the knitting! BAHAHAHAH! Sounds like she’s gonna have a great time and I’m kind of jealous. You could knit her some “unmentionables” next. You know…with really, really tight gage. So they basically come out like Kevlar. >:-)
    You have a stalker? Really?! What kind of person stalks a woman who knits and talks about knitting? There was no one more controversial in their life?!?

  136. If you think holding a baby girl who absolutely can not move away from you yet might help, I have one available here in Portland.

  137. Best of all wishes for you and yours.
    Now back to our regularly scheduled knitting: what kind of cast-on did you use for that feather and fan scarf? It looks like Icord, unless it is stockinette that is curling?

  138. I can’t believe the stalker thing is still going on. Someone needs to get a REAL life.
    Sam will be fine. You know that this is good for her. You know that she has a good head on her shoulders. Knit away. But you don’t have to send it to her. Think of it as getting her Christmas knitting done early this year. It’s good that you’re going to work on Sock Summit. Tina will help distract you from worrying.
    And I would have gotten up early to save $100 for yarn too.

  139. The scarf is lovely!
    I know how you feel. My youngest and his family moved away, and in exactly an hour the older grandchild will be singing at the first school music program that I have not attended in his whole life. I know he’ll be fine, but I’m not sure I will be.
    I would have taken the cheap flight as well because that’s just how I was taught to do things.

  140. If I can microchip the cat, I should be able to microchip the kids. Just my opinion.
    As an aside, we moved once and didn’t update our address on the cat’s microchip. When he got loose the SPCA called my parents back in Newfoundland (listed as next-of-kin) asked my Dad if he was “Remington Sparkes’ Grandpa”. Apparently he replied, “I’m not Grandpa to any cat!”. The SPCA charged me a fortune for that long-distance call.

  141. Sorry about the stalker.
    Good for you for being a “grown-up” mum and letting your daughter spread her wings.
    Love your knitting.
    Get some sleep.

  142. Congratulations for Sam! And hey. I thought you weren’t supposed to talk about me stalking you on your blog.
    (And sorry you have a creepy stalker. I accidentally just typed crappy stalker. I guess that works too, right?)

  143. *mommy huggles*
    I know how hard it is to have your wee ones (even when they’re not really that wee anymore) away from you. Get weird about the knitting thing, it’s your wee one, you’re entitled.
    And ditto on the money for yarn rather than sleep.

  144. You are so prolific. I wish I could watch you knit. The number of FO you have achieved despite lack of sleep is astounding. The motivation of knitting to keep your daughter warm is tender and dear. You are a good momma!

  145. Distract yourself by laughing at me. I have identical impulses and my youngest moved to L.A.
    So I’m knitting for her holiday visit.

  146. Lovely lovely scarf, both yarn and the pattern – I never get tired of feather and fan. The hats in the previous posts are wonderful too. Maybe I should get off my recent shawlette jag and make some hats. I bet Sam has a wonderful time. You’ve raised three strong daughters/wonderful people. She’ll be fine. glad you’re working on Sock Summit. Maybe I’ll make it this time. I’ve always wanted to visit Portland. I teach env studies so maybe I can claim it is a “work trip” and take (ahem) a class or two at the summit?! (Hopeful thinking)
    Don’t wear yourself out. Sorry you had to miss Rhinebeck – very crowded and exciting.I did go this year.

  147. There’s no such thing as being weird about the knitting, unless of course you’re not knitting – now that would be weird!

  148. And guys? Every time anyone mentions the s*****r they puff up just a little bit bigger with the glory of it’sworkingmeanness. Big old extinguisher, Cone of Silence. Watch ’em shrivel.

  149. I think you are right to fear sleeping through your flight. I know not 1 but 2 people who have done that. It is most embarrassing to wake up and realize that not only did you sleep through the flight announcement, but you also slept through the gate agent calling your name over and over and over, through the loudspeaker.

  150. Whatever Sam’s doing it sounds brilliant and fun and good and your children are examples of what could go right in parenting. So on that count – hurrah!
    Sleep or money for yarn – that’s even a question?

  151. I am so sorry about the stalker; am putting good vibes out there to resolve that horridness for all concerned.
    Congradulations to Sam.
    Knit on: Letting go of loved ones for their own best interest on not enough sleep on the way to working your arse off in the service of Knitting Socks requires knitting. It is so required it ought to be perscribed.

  152. still coveting and dieing to know how you did that extraordinary cast-on on the lovely scarf!

  153. I sent my baby, my sweet, little baby girl, off to college this summer. So I feel ya! I’m sure this has been much more traumatic for me than it has been for her, but it is really just a crappy time. I’m still missing her so much and she is Perfectly Fine without me! LOL! Dang kids! Sad part is now I’m moving away (nine hours) and leaving her up here… Separation anxiety anyone?

  154. I sent my baby, my sweet, little baby girl, off to college this summer. So I feel ya! I’m sure this has been much more traumatic for me than it has been for her, but it is really just a crappy time. I’m still missing her so much and she is Perfectly Fine without me! LOL! Dang kids! Sad part is now I’m moving away (nine hours) and leaving her up here… Separation anxiety anyone?

  155. Sending happy calm thoughts your way! I hope the winds carried some wool fumes to you from Rhinebeck. I know the fumes made me crazy.

  156. Years ago when my daughter (who is now 31) went off to college and was away from home for the first time, I made her some really soft, wool mittens. She told me they were the warmest mittens she ever had-she called them her “love mittens”.
    And she was so right. I knew I would miss her terribly, and I wanted to still keep her warm and safe. I poured all my love into those mittens and was so happy she appreciated that simple act of showing how much I love her.
    She lives in sunny, hot CA now (how could a child who never made it through a sleep over at a friend’s house move across the country?) and I’m still knitting-scarves and socks. I am even starting a complicated cabled sweater. I tell myself she goes to Tahoe in the winter to see the snow and she’ll still need warm clothes.

  157. !. When I was twenty I dropped out of school for one year to go to Europe and travel and then find a job. Major growing up. a good thing at the time.
    2. I hope Sam has a fabulous time even though I think she’s crazy to go where it’s even colder when there is another entire compass direction and climate available 180 degrees different. (Admittedly knitted bikiinis tend to not wear quite so well.)
    3. May your creepy stalker just stalk himself over the edge of the world!

  158. 1. What a good mum you are. My brother is holding on to his last child so hard the poor boy will end up running away in the middle of the night and not calling home for years. I like your way better.
    2. Beautiful scarf, lovely color.
    3 – 5. Knit woman! You will feel better and she can always share with her friends. They will all be cold and in need of mom-knitted-stuff.
    6 – 10. Airports need some sort of concierge person to make wakeup calls to late night travelers. Like hotels do.
    11. Goes without saying.

  159. Just so’s you know, the whole feeling the need to microchip them doesn’t go away however old they are. Stella is 28 and on her dream trip spending 6 months travelling around South America. I get emails like, “I’m just getting on a boat to sail to Columbia” and wish I had had her microchipped every single day.
    All I can say is without Skype I would not be a sane person right now, I can actually see her and know that she is ok.
    And you know, my mum told me that she hardly slept for the week it took me to drive back from Scappoose to New York on my own and I was almost 50! I guess your kids are always your kids whatever their ages.
    Oh and I bet Sam secretly loves all the knitting and is immensely proud of you. She’ll tell you when she’s 30!
    Have a great time in Portland..

  160. Creepy stalkers should be roasted on spits. Ugh.
    Hope you can sleep on planes. That has saved my bacon more than once. Good luck with your trip!

  161. I don’t know about Canadian tax law, but in the US, that plane ticket is a business expense, and thus it’s 100% deductible. If Canada’s taxes work the same way, it might make paying for the later flight less objectionable. And you know, your health/sanity might just be worth that extra $100. Ask the family, they might agree.
    And stalkers should be roasted on spits over roaring fires, with mustard!

  162. Hi There, I have a question: when knitting feather and fan, what is your technique for ending the scarf so that you still have the same wavy edge that is at the beginning of the scarf? I did something similar and wound up grafting at the other end.
    Enjoy, Kelli

  163. BTW one of my favorite things is a pink flannel hand-tied blanket that my mother made for me . . . when I was 38.

  164. I’m so sorry you’re so tired, that Sam has to be far away, and that you’ve got a stalker. I can give you one piece of good advice, though: if you are asked to be x-rayed at a US airport, the magic words are “I opt out.” The body scanner x-rays are equivalent to three chest x-rays, and are capable of doing real damage to you. (Plus they leave a completely unclothed image of you for the TSA employees to see.) By opting out you opt in for a pat-down search, but I’d rather do that than risk that level of radiation exposure. (And I’ve got a surgeon’s advice to back this up–not just my own.)
    I hope your flight went well, and that things progress smoothly with the Sock Summit. If the baby I’m about to give birth to is really well-behaved, I’ll be there next year!

  165. I’m so sorry you’re so tired, that Sam has to be far away, and that you’ve got a stalker. I can give you one piece of good advice, though: if you are asked to be x-rayed at a US airport, the magic words are “I opt out.” The body scanner x-rays are equivalent to three chest x-rays, and are capable of doing real damage to you. (Plus they leave a completely unclothed image of you for the TSA employees to see.) By opting out you opt in for a pat-down search, but I’d rather do that than risk that level of radiation exposure. (And I’ve got a surgeon’s advice to back this up–not just my own.)
    I hope your flight went well, and that things progress smoothly with the Sock Summit. If the baby I’m about to give birth to is really well-behaved, I’ll be there next year!

  166. My son just completed his first six weeks of college away from home. Comments before leaving were along the lines of “I’ll call you; don’t be calling me all the time.” Comments during his first weekend at home since school started “I LOVE being home. I LOVE my own bed.”
    I wouldn’t knit pants and a snow suit (not really in style now), but I bet she would appreciate a sweater, afghan, etc. a lot more than she thinks she does as she walks away from the car…
    And it is probaly better to be a sleepy zombie in the airport at $100/hour…and you could sleep on the plane (I hope).

  167. I’m sorry that your daughter is going far away, and you were (understandably) vague about what she is doing, but from what you did say, it sounds AWESOME! I’m jealous! You should be happy she has this opportunity, and incredibly proud that she has the confidence to pursue it.

  168. You know, my mom understands perfectly what you’re going through. I spent my junior year of university in Cairo and my mother confessed later that she spent half her days at work reminding herself that she raised me to be an independent woman, even if that meant gallivanting off to foreign lands to do scary things.
    And I came back. All limbs, all fingers and toes. And then I went someplace scary again for six months and will be doing it again this winter. You know what my mom did while I was gone? She knit me a pretty scarf to wear on the way home and getting that package made me the happiest independent woman ever. Knitting is love, no two ways around it.

  169. Creepy stalker, bad.
    Giving your daughter the wings to fly, good.
    Daughter actually flying away, to be expected (but still scary).
    Time to work and knit, deserved.
    Empty nest with Joe, priceless.

  170. That yarn is beautiful!
    I understand the early morning/late night flights. When I am in the airport so early, I ask myself “why?!” but I know that the next time I am sitting in front of a computer booking my next trip, the added cost will not be worth it. So many more important things to buy…

  171. I like your priorities…yarn not sleep. good one.
    P-town will do you good in the end, despite the ‘work’. Make sure to get outside and see the colours. Oooh take yourself to Llyod Centre and go ice skating if you like.
    p.s. the cinnabun’s are upstairs.
    pps. boo creepy stalker.

  172. So who sleeps the night before a flight anyway? I keep waking up to see if it is time to get up…so you had may as well be sitting in an airport knitting and drinking coffee.
    I did once draw the line on saving money and did not save $50 by having my daughter make 2 connections and spend 10 hrs longer getting home….but honestly…she chose to go to school 850 miles away from home….

  173. I can identify with the knitting-them-some-mom-love-they-can-take-with-them, because I’ve already done some of that for a dear son who was focused on joining the military. And then joined. And will soon be where they call “the sandbox.” It is my faith, and more knitting, that will see me through till he is safely home again. I will pray that Sam has a safe and wonderful adventure that she will share with you when SHE is safely home again.

  174. Keep knitting for her. It forms a long long thread she can feel to find her way home with, and she’ll use it.
    My mother died when I was young, and my father my freshman year of college, but my mother’s never married sister, my Aunt Adah, gamely asked my sister and me to live with her. The winter of my junior year, she started to knit me a sweater, the only time anyone ever did that for me. She was dying of cancer at the time (she had warned us when she asked us to live with her), and she never finished it, but those strands of yarn are threads from her heart to mine, and they warm me still.

  175. What a beautiful job you are doing with your children. Now do a beautiful job for you. Buy just a few more clothes, so you won’t have to fret with the laundry. Just get duplicates. You don’t have to get fancy. Laundry. You have better things on your mind.

  176. Guess the comment DOES go out the first time you send it, even though it looks like it doesn’t.

  177. I so know how surviving on 4 hours of sleep feels. It takes me at least a couple of hours at least, to wake up. This may or may not include a civil conversation..If my daughter ever decided to leave her mommy I would react the same way you are. I would knit things for her (whether she needed them or not) Hope you get some sleep! Talk to you later!
    Much love to you and yours!

  178. Beautiful scarf! Amazing that you got it all done, over the weekend! I’m like you though and want my kids to be warm. Although, they knit their own stuff. My mom made me a scarf and hat a few years ago and now I got a new jacket, but they still match. My mom just knit me a sweater, too, which is awesome and is keeping me warm right now. She was even nice enough to knit a sweater with seed-stitch sleeves, and to make me real ribbed cuffs, when that wasn’t what was on the pattern. Loose-hanging sleeves don’t keep a person warm.
    I hope Sam has a good time on her wilderness adventure!

  179. I think you are even funnier when you are tired and stressed.
    Can I help it if I am laughing while you are agonizing? You put yourself out there, you know?
    Take heart, you have way more and way better yarn than I do.
    WendyBee

  180. I’m with you on not paying to sleep. For me it extends to hotels. I’ll take an overnight flight any time rather than pay for a hotel. Doesn’t matter how “classy” a hotel; it’s only for sleeping anyway. Love that yarn colorway!

  181. Does this mean that you now have an “empty nest”? Can be a good thing and a bad thing, depending on the day and mood.

  182. I know from experience that the minute one of your kids gets cold, they BEG for handknits. My #2 son sure did when he “accidently” shaved his head during his freshman year in college in Wichita, KS.
    I know, that “accidently shaved my head” thing has never made sense to me, either.

  183. You get as weird with the knitting thing as you want — it’s a mother’s prerogative! 😉
    And bless you, many times over, for not sharing too much about your daughter’s life with the universe at large. I raise my needles — and a mug of beer — to your good sense.

  184. I can’t imagine letting my babies go (They’re 4 yo and 4.5 months respectively) but I know you’ve had 17 years to make sure Sam is ready for this wonderful opportunity.
    Oh and I would totally sacrifice sleep for money. Especially if it could be converted for stash money.

  185. You get weird with knitting? HAH! Not even if you knit Joe a week’s worth of cashmere-and-qiviut tighty-whities (tho your male readers would get jealous!).
    Hope Sam enjoys her apprenticeship at Santa’s workshop, and brings you back some reindeer fleece and a very protective wolf pup.
    Oh — $100 worth of yarn? If you shop carefully, you’ll be able to sleep on or under it when you eventually pass out!

  186. For less than $100 you could hire someone to sit in the airport with you to make sure you get on the plane. Probably $20 would be enough and you’d still have saved $80. The scarf is lovely and if she doesn’t want to wear the matching set, she can wear it with a different pair of mittens. I’m sure she still has some from last year. Scarves aren’t weird. Fair Isle long-johns like the fashion show had may be weird, but it’s looking like another cold winter and I’m seriously contemplating it.

  187. When I am a little sleep-deprived zombie in the airport, I console myself with Beck’s for breakfast. Instant human: Just add hops!
    Re: Sam – isn’t it both fun and heartrending to watch them fly? I know I have a new appreciation for the word “bittersweet” as a result of being a parent.

  188. Coming and going! No wonder you are exhausted. Of course the time change won’t help, but I’ve heard that you can get pretty rested when you are away from home, no matter how busy and no matter how much fun you have!
    Good going with each of your dear girls.
    And you really can’t knit too much. (You do have to sleep sometimes).

  189. Lovely scarf – inspirational match of pattern to yarn with *assertive* colour changes. Life isn’t for sissies – eh?

  190. I have to say that I’m with you all the way on the whole trading an hour of sleep for $100 of yarn. Of course, that only works for me if it means that I lost that hour of sleep by getting up just before the crap of dawn to save the $100. If I had to lose an hour of sleep around 12 am, then I would have to give up the yarn because I’m so no longer a night owl LOL!
    Great scarf! Man, being a good mom and letting go when it’s the right time is so hard sometimes. I’m sure that Sam will be fine and have a great time on her adventure. I’m sure that she’ll be warm enough too. Sorry about the creepy stalker though.
    We missed you at Rhinebeck this year! At least you missed it for a good cause. My friends and I all agree, there are only a few reasons to miss Rhinebeck. Parental duties and and unalterable schedules definitely can qualify. We have our families trained that out of the whole year, that’s the only one that we Fiber Fiends get to claim strictly for ourselves. I can honestly say that my family are now trained and are with the program! If something comes up that weekend, they just automatically say that I’m just not available, unless it’s something like Sam’s adventure. Have a great time in Oregon.

  191. Oh dear, I must not be a real knitter because I would totally trade a $100 worth of yarn for an extra hour’s sleep at that time. In fact, I would fly later and pay the extra(okay, so the question is kind of moot as I try to take the train whenever I can, but still is anything better than sleep?.
    Hope Sam has a blast.

  192. Sleep, yarn, sleep, yarn…..Of definitely the yarn. And if you asked my family they would tell you that I really value my sleep. But $100 worth of good yarn…I would take that any day.

  193. I’m with you on the early cheap flights. I once saved $100 PER TICKET for our family of 4 plus the cost of a hotel night before a flight home from Scotland: we had to be at the airport at 4am, so we slept at the airport. I couldn’t see paying for a full night at a hotel when we would have had to check out at 2:30 or 3am to be at the airport at 4am. Made sense to me. The kids still talk about it, and it was at least 10 years ago.

  194. Congratulations to Sam! And keep your chin up, you are doing the “right” thing even if it terrifies you – what a great parent you are!!
    And so sorry about the creepy thing – may they get bedbugs and horrid skin disease or some other semblance of bad karma.

  195. Sorry to hear the stalker still lurks.
    Lovely scarf. Maybe you could put the microchip in the scarf?
    One of the delightful things about snowsuits (NOT the immediate fact that they cause the wearer to have to go to the bathroom upon completion of their donning)is the squitch-squitch sound they make as little people walk about in them. What yarn would you use (or maybe WANT to use) to get that effect?

  196. I love your blog, your humor, and expecially the pictures of what you are working on – thanks for the scarf idea – found it on Knitting Pattern Central, and want to try it.

  197. As someone who travled a lot, even though it made my mom nervous, I applaud you. I think traveling and being off on my own made me the person that I am today, it definately calmed me the heck on down in my late teens early 20’s…which was GOOD. But you should totally knit her a sweater, she’s “north”.
    Oh and Boo stalker boo!

  198. Does this mean your husband is going to turn the furnace on whilst you are away and therefore you lose furnace wars by default?

  199. Every time you write a post about your kids growing up, my 13 year old comes home from school and I do things that make my kid say, “That is so 10 years ago, mom. Stop treating my like a kid.” Maybe if he’d just wear something I knit for him….

  200. Oh, I know just how you feel about your child being far away. Sigh.
    I am sorry to hear you still have a crazy stalker. That is a kind of stress no one should have to put up with.
    The scarf is beautiful! May Sam and her scarf have a wonderful time on their adventure!

  201. While I am not in your situation regarding a stalker because of my husbands job in a very small town my children and I do need to be careful admitting who we are (he is a ER Physician Assistant) and sometimes when certain pts don’t get what they think they need (drugs) if they approach us in stores can be good or bad a lot of time the want to yell at us about what he did or didn’t do. Anyway on to other items I personally would rather spend money on almost anything than more money to an airline plus usually when you take the cheap flight you get there early enough to be able to go to hotel and lay down for awhile before you have to be where you need to be, or you can go to the local yarn store before you go anywhere else. Good luck on the planning meetings for Sock Summit cannot wait to see the progress and I for one am ready to register. Have a good trip try and catch up on some sleep but knowing you from your blog I think you will spend all you time with the Sock Summit or with the Sock Summit ladies have fun can’t wait to see the outcome.

  202. Sam will have a wonderful time, I’m sure–and we expect a full report when it’s all over!!!
    You timed your visit here perfectly. Next week is the rainy week….

  203. I just want to say your stalker is not me. Or I am not her. I was in Toronto on business that once and thought it would be fun to visit your lys. So I did. And I bought stuff. And it was fun. That doesn’t make me a stalker does it? I did look around for you in the ‘hood…but that’s all. And I had this fantastic veggie burrito at this lunch place nearby. I won’t do it again.

  204. Stephanie, I’m a beginning knitter and I love that scarf you made for your daughter! I would like to knit that for my daughter, but I have never seen anything like that. How do you get that waviness from the cast on edge? Can you explain that or point me to where I can find information on that? The feather and fan is cool!

  205. i spent five lovely weeks way north of you, too long ago–never forgotten, always want to go back. Good on you for letting her go!! may she love it as much as i did (and no one was knitting for me at the time, either!)
    ps: portland is too warm for someone engaged in the furnace wars. it’ll set you back, get you all used to balmy conditions (unless you’re planning to come home after the first…),

  206. Dear Everyone,
    ignore
    pay no attention
    overlook
    take no notice
    disregard
    pay no heed
    dispense with
    snub
    turn your back on
    shun
    Remember? That’s what we do when a certain someone is mentioned by Stephanie. (And yes, I am currently editing a thesaurus; why do you ask?)

  207. I needed the reminder Presbytera, cuz like everyone else in the love-steph-comment-fest (nobody is reading comments over 200, right?) I want to cause some bodily harm. But then, I remember, I read to spend some quality time with my knitting homegirl, by knitting muse, my Bombeckian view of real life. I comment because I want to push some of the love back at her for all her awesome effort. Big love sent your way Stephanie for the beautiful daughters you’re raising and the lump in the throat swallowing all us parents-of-teens seem to be doing way too often. Both you and Sam and that scarf rock!

  208. I don’t know about being cold without their mothers, but the rule in my family has always been that if your mother is cold, you have to put on a sweater, or socks, or whatever your mother thinks will help her feel warmer. My girls thought I was crazy for making them wear sweaters until grandma (my mom) handed me a pair of socks to wear and told me that her feet were cold. I can’t wait for them to pass it along….

  209. Sleep is like swatching: people say you’re supposed to do it, but they don’t know your situation and that you can get along without… (yawn) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  210. I know I am at the bottom of the pile…so no one will read this, right? But… I worked for over 20 years for the rights of women and children…and I helped to write and pass our State’s anti-Stalking law… and I have experienced several criminal stalkers as a result.
    Collectively we are the power that makes these people stop what they are doing. Make some noise where you live and get a decent law on the books. It won’t stop people from stalking…but it will give law enforcement and those who suffer from this the ability to put those stalkers away from society.
    Until then… we who knit have very pointy sticks.

  211. “I don’t know if I can’t be not weird about the knitting thing.” Can I quote you? (or what you meant to say?)

  212. I’d be happy to take an early flight. But I really dislike flights that end after midnight – the twitching hour. I thought about our shared experience – flying at bad times – for a few days and finally upgraded my flight. The higher price and the penalty are worth it for my comfort.
    Besides, I have enough knitting to last me another year.

  213. Stephanie:
    Instead of “stalking you”, they should be making stockings FOR YOU!
    I can’t imagine having so much time on my hands and nothing better to do with my life than to stalk someone……. wouldn’t they be better off knitting??

  214. Stephanie, hang in there. I’m sure it was very difficult, but good on you for pretending to be nothing-but-excited and not-completely-freaked-out about Sam going off on her adventure.
    To Sam – Have a fantastic time! Learn lots, and even when you feel like you don’t have time, try to give your mum a call now and then. It’ll help her be less weird about the knitting.

  215. Get used to it – my girls will both be living far away in 2 more weeks. One did move closer – now just 11,00 miles away rather than 2,300 miles away which actually does make a difference – easier to visit when it’s 1,000 miles away in the same time zone rather than 2 time zones away. The other one who, except for college in Boston, has always lived in the Chicago area, got a promotion & will be moving to the DC area. I spent a couple of days feeling in a weird way sort of like an orphan – but it is my children who are not nearby anymore. Get as weird as you like with the knitting – then give most of it to someone else – charity if you don’t have any other suitable recipients. I suspect that just the act of knitting will soothe you even if you don’t give the stuff to Sam.

  216. I love that scarf.
    This whole letting your kids grow up and become vibrant, independent adults things is scary, but exhilarating too. I spent a lot of time being sad about it until my youngest ( now 12 ) became sick last February. Now as we battle with him for a return to health I pray everyday that he has the ability to walk out the door one day and head off on his own adventures.
    Knitting for them makes me feel like I have some control at least and they still seem to like it!

  217. My mom keeps buying me flannel pajamas. I have three drawers full of pajamas and she shows no signs of quitting.

  218. I just want to you know that, daughters love there moms no matter their age!! Proof for me is today, my almost 19 yr old daughter, who is feeling sick today, came into the kitchen to find me for a “mom hug”! Yes, they act all ‘grown up’ and they are -growing up, – but they still need their ‘moms’!! It’s nice to know! And you know what – good for you ‘letting’ her have some ‘life expericance’ out there – it is hard to let them go, but good for you!! And you will both benefit from this time apart – look at what she is getting!! Love the scarf, mitts and hat – and so will she!!!!

  219. i’m almost 30 and i’m still colder without my mum. except in summer, cos it’s australia and it’s hot.
    be weird with the knitting thing, she knows it means you love her. 🙂

  220. As one of the people who’s there for kids like yours in places like where they are going, I want you to know that we love them almost as much as you do. We do everything we can to take good care of them for you when you can’t be there, and help them grow into the kind of fantastic adults we know they can be.
    Chin up. I promise she misses you.

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