Peek

Silk and wool on the wheel from the weekend.

Stockpot on the stove for soup tonight.

Natalie on the stash room.

Have I mentioned this?  A little while ago I hired Natalie to be my assistant, one glorious morning a week.  It took me forever to do it, mostly because hiring help – even if I really need it, makes me feel lazy. In my heart I think I should do it all with no help from anyone, even if that means I’m crazy and exhausted and not actually doing it all.  I confided this to a friend with a small business a while ago, when she asked why I didn’t hire help.  There was stunned silence on the other end, and then she asked me if I thought she was lazy because she had hired some part-time staff.  "Of course not" was my instant answer, and that stupid thing I do with myself hit me again.  It’s reasonable for other people to have help or staff, but a failing if I need it.  I’ve been doing a variation on this one for years and years. It makes total sense for other people to have a babysitter, but I have to be with my kids. Busy working parents can take their clothes to a wash and fold, but I wouldn’t be able to let myself off the hook.   It would be nuts for you to make your own yogurt and bread, but I have to make all of mine. (I got over that one.) I have high standards for myself, but I don’t hold other people to them at all.   The Natalie experiment is an attempt to … well.  Get over myself.  If I don’t think that other people should work 70 hours a week, then maybe I shouldn’t either. 

Natalie comes on Monday mornings.  She drinks tea and applies herself to all the stuff I think is really important that doesn’t need to be done by me so that I can do the stuff that can only be done by me.  It’s a little bit brilliant.  She answers emails in the Knitters Without Borders inbox,  she drops things at the post office, she files things and she manages the media and clippings I’m not sure what to do with… and it’s a miracle.  It really is.  I wasn’t sure  if four hours of help a week would change anything, but it has – which is great, because I really couldn’t afford more.  Natalie’s hours are directly converted to writing time for me, and that’s pretty outstanding- but there’s another advantage that I wasn’t expecting, and it’s that Natalie doing all this stuff that I always mean to do and never get time to do and bugs the snot out of me on a daily basis, means that I’m a lot less worried and stressed out.  Being less worried and stressed out means more writing, even when she’s not here. 

It’s a big step, and I know you’re all probably thinking it’s funny that I would have so much anxiety about four hours a week of part time work – but the decision was really crushing for some reason.  (Essentially, Natalie hired herself, which was a big help.)  Big step or not, completely neurotic wingnut or not, it all comes up to Natalie being up in the new stash room, sorting books by subject and height (she totally got where I was going with the plan) and I am starting to really like Mondays. 

188 thoughts on “Peek

  1. Way to go, Stephanie! Why are we all so hard on ourselves? Delegating should be so natural, yet I know that I fret when I ask someone to do something that should I think should be”my job”. Enjoy the time that Natalie frees up for you.
    It’s even OK to sit and have a cup of tea yourself!

  2. I think it’s great that you have someone to help. Those shelves are looking pretty good too!

  3. Good for you! We are all too hard on ourselves. And Natalie has on a pretty sweater. Is it hand-knit?

  4. If you ever apply your hard headedness to evil things, we’re all in deep doo doo (to quote one of my former presidents.)

  5. I get it!! I’m an adult; I live alone; I am retired; no one depends upon me; I’m very tidy. And I have a cleaning lady. Three hours, every other week…… And I’m not the least bit apologetic. I deserve it and I put those hours to very good use. Enjoy her!!

  6. Good for you! We are too hard on ourselves. Enjoy the extra time! And I wondered the same thing about Natalie’s sweater. Does she knit?

  7. Just because we can do it all (even if we’re full of stress and about to lose it at any second), doesn’t mean we should.
    Juggling work, family, knitting, and a very full social (physical and online) life is really difficult. Enjoy the four hours and relax. The situation sounds perfect.

  8. I have this same logic and I entirely blame my mother. This is why I can’t hire a house cleaner despite desperately needing one.

  9. So often, the subjects you write about are so key to what’s going on in my life. As a yarn store owner and mom of a toddler, I have a packed day. But add to that growing and putting-up of food this time of year…. it doesn’t make me a happy person to look around at the end of the day and see so many details not finished.
    I may have to take a page from your book and find some help. Or stop doing so much. You’ve definitely given me something to think about.

  10. I need a Natalie! Delegating can be so liberating if you can tear yourself away from “helping”. Also, do not think you can hire your kids-I tried it and it bombed big time. Note to self, when looking for potential help, hire a knitter. Hire a Natalie-like knitter who gets my fiber obsession.

  11. ROFL at your calling yourself a wingnut. I know you did not mean what we weirdo Yanks (mostly) mean by the term, namely a person who uncritically accepts every word of the Gospel According to Glenn Beck and (as a prerequisite or a consequence I can never decide) has shed even the lightest gossamer laceweight tether to reality, but… well. I thank you for my laugh of the day.
    Is Natalie willing to undertake a little moonlighting at my house? Wait, never mind, only I can do it.

  12. I can relate. Hiring a cleaning lady was one of the best things my husband and I did for ourselves.

  13. Please try to think of Natalie as something you purchased at your LYS. You have moments of guilt, a little self doubt (really, should I have spent that amount?), and then. just. enjoy.

  14. Yep. When I got my first job, and sweated every hired help (including hairdressers) I was told firmly that it was my duty to spread my income around. I was being paid to do what I could do best, and that was to everyone’s benefit!
    Let’s hear it for Natalies everywhere. (Can she cut hair?!)

  15. I really can’t call you a slacker today in good conscience.
    Hm. Delegating failure? Reality-accepting loser? Not-letting-goer?
    I’ll think on it and have something ready for tomorrow.

  16. What a sensible and smart thing to do! You will have many moments wondering why you waited so long to do this. In the end you will get 3-4 times more done as having Natalie look after the “small” stuff will allow vast regions of your brain to get going on the “big” stuff. I always wondered how you managed with your lifestyle as you are one very busy person. I am sure your significant other with benefit as well. Congratulations!!! on such a good decision.

  17. My husband is a cattle farmer, an auctioneer and runs his own livestock trucking business. When he couldn’t get everything done he signed on “Dave”.
    Known in the farming community as “the hired man”. He does all kinds of things for my husband and my husband doesn’t feel in the least guilty about hiring him. I wanted to know when I would get a “Dave”. PS: I think we need to get over ourselves. The women’s movement of the 70’s helped get us out in the workplace but no one picked up the slack at home and for some absolutely ridiculous reason(which is unknown to one and all) we seem to think that we need to do everything on our own or “it’s not right”!!!
    PPS: When homemakers were growing and putting up veggies and fruit, etc., they weren’t working outside of the home just full-time inside the home.

  18. Now I want a Natalie too. But I’d have to pay her in cinnamon buns. That would work, wouldn’t it?

  19. Gee, I’m not even self-employed and I want a Natalie of my very own. Does that make me a slacker? Nope, just realistic.

  20. That rocks and I’m totally jealous. I am like that with babysitters. I feel so guilty hiring a babysitter but darned if my hubby and I don’t desperately need the time. I’ve already told him that when I go back to work after my last baby (He’s only five weeks old) that I am putting money aside to have a teenager come in here and help me with some stuff. We have a serious cleaning problem!! Good on ya for realizing that having help isn’t a weakness. You’re still a super woman. Now you have help to be even more super.

  21. Ooh … does this maybe mean more blogging from the YarnHarlot? Because I’m a big fan of that sort of writing, too…

  22. Wouldn’t the economy be better off if everyone with some money to spare and odd jobs to do hired someone?

  23. I’ve been wrestling with the same thing lately. And after spending my Sunday: running 10 miles, doing 3 loads of laundry and hanging it out, washing 2 sets of dishes, scrubbing the bathroom tub and recleaning what was cleaned by partner, cleaning cat boxes, sweeping the floor, making mac and cheese from scratch and working on calculus homework, it’s starting to seem like a really, really good idea. It may just keep me sane.
    The highlight was when my friend came by out of the blue and taught me how to use a drop spindle. I probably never would have learned otherwise. And I only hit myself in the face once and she was quite impressed I hadn’t dropped the spindle at all. Best 1/2 hr of the day.

  24. Wait, i got distracted by my negative thoughts. To Rights Thoughts, Right Actions!
    Natalie’s sweater is beautiful and I just went to her blog… love her cowl pattern she’s selling! Did you knit it Natalie?
    Love the way the stash room is looking! So glad you’re doing that!

  25. Good For you, Steph – and good for Natalie! There’s nothing wrong with getting help with your business – and since writing IS your business, and your home IS your office – I think it’s brilliant, too.

  26. Yea for you! People radically underestimate the number of households that use to hire someone to come in and clean, child watch, or do heavy work. And in many households lots of work that became “housekeeping” was sent out to be done by professionals, laundry and sewing for example. As a matter of fact, a housekeeper, cook or babywatcher was often the first money spent by a family when the family started to become successful.
    Good for you and good for Natalie.

  27. My mother had the same problem for years – luckily by the time she gave in and noticed it, I was nine years old and train-able. I’ve been her unpaid assistant for most of my life, and it really does make me happy to keep her from tearing her hair out.
    Unfortunately it also means I spend all my time helping her and none of it doing things that I need to get done, so somewhere along the line I’ll probably need an assistant of my own! It’s a vicious cycle 😉

  28. Maybe it has something to do with the name Stephanie…
    …though, if we can ever afford it, I’m hiring a housekeeper so I can come home one day every two weeks or so and enjoy that “whole house clean” feeling.

  29. In my single days, was infamous amongst my friends for having a one bedroom apartment and a cleaning lady. In my defense, I was working full time, and doing my Master’s degree 2 nights a week at the same time – with prep work for school, almost 2 full time jobs timewise.
    I loved coming home to a clean apartment. Worth every penny (and believe me, I didn’t have many of those.
    So, Stepanie, don’t do the guilt trip – enjoy.

  30. Why do we make ourselves do so much? I even went through a phase where I not only made all my bread…I ground the wheat on a hand grinder. Talk about wingnut! Congrats on the new start to your week!
    Love Natalie’s sweater!!!! Tell us more!!!

  31. Good for you! Good for Natalie!
    Take it easy on that idea about sorting books by height, though. That is the method a certain Midwestern university used for its stacks. It worked so well at putting more books into less space that the accumulated weight collapsed the concrete floor of the basement room where the books were being stored.

  32. I’m really happy for you that you’ve taken this (as my husband might say) “big girl step”.

  33. It is totally awesome that you finally got Natalie. It’s a sign of a wonderful growing business, not at *all* a sign of laziness. I’m glad you’re getting side benefits, too!
    Now. . . whether I’ll follow you in thinking that it’s okay for *me* to buy bread is another story. 😉

  34. In 2009 I hired a housekeeper, after promising myself for a decade that I would hire someone after I sorted through and purged the stuff. I then realized that having someone cleaning once every two weeks means I actually have time to purge the stuff. So, now I am finally making progress and the house is clean.

  35. Good for you! I do have exact same problem of doing all myself and even reading this post is making me say ‘It’s totally makes sense, but I should really try and do EVERYTHING myself’. No childminders, no cleaners, no assistants, although I did stop making bread a few years back! Way to go 🙂

  36. I recently hired a cleaning lady that comes every other week for about 6 hours and really really cleans the house. It’s nice to know that even under all of the clutter that occurs .5 seconds after she leaves, things are truly clean.
    She also will watch my kids, which sounds great, but I hardly ever do it- my form of your failing.
    It’s great to know that we need help, and a huge blessing to be able to hire the help.

  37. Great idea! I bet the need to remember many bits of things to do was wearing you down. It would certainly wear me out. I guess that’s not technically multitasking, but kind of multiple tasking. Hmm, maybe I should get someone to clean half a day a week. I know what you mean about feeling you should do it yourself. I have thought that if I can’t find time to clean up after myself I should just live in it. Writing another book (I ask, hopefully)? Do you write another calendar every year or did I just forget what 2009 pages were? Still loving 2010.

  38. Here’s to Natalie!
    For giving Steph more real ‘living’ and working space.
    Here’s to Stephanie…for giving all of us permission to tell guilt to bug off!

  39. I’m so glad you have some help! I seriously have no idea how you were doing this all by yourself before. I’m a firm believer in a little extra (paid) help. Hence why we have the ladies come to clean the house every couple weeks. I feel like I can be more productive if I’m not constantly fighting the nagging feeling that the loo needs a scrub.

  40. Congrats! I’ve been dreaming of hiring an assistant for a long time now. I do not have kids, but work full-time, try to garden and put-up food, run the household (cooking, planning, bank accounts, bills, cleaning), and we’re still working on actually building the house around us. I also work on Saturdays, so I only get Sundays off. I could really use someone to take the cars in for work, or do the dishes, or organize my library! Perhaps someday I’ll get there as well. Thanks for the inspriation!

  41. I can’t believe it’s taken you so long to get an assistant. How did you get everything done before Natalie? Did you used to be two people? I think you did, given all that knitting that you managed to finish while doing everything else under the sun. I say that because it makes me feel better about all the things I don’t get done, being only one person and all.
    Seriously, Steph, take a deep breath and enjoy the freedom delegation brings!

  42. This is opening a whole new world for me. First of all, “wash and fold”? Can this be true? I’m almost breathless at the thought of it.
    And second, I always imagine “help” only in large mansions with black dresses and white aprons. But what a great idea – a few hours a week to have someone help with the declutter/organize part of my life might actually be affordable. Hmmmm.
    good for you! Can’t wait to see what your next book will be…

  43. The control freak in me totally gets it. Good for you for getting some help, though! You absolutely deserve it!

  44. Your lucky Stephanie, I wish I could hire someone for 4 hours a week to just get ahead of cleaning.

  45. Hiring someone to help out is a great idea. We hired a housecleaner and the arguments about who last cleaned the bathroom completely vanished.
    I love Natalie’s sweater, especially since it was designed by my awesome friend Kate. 🙂

  46. I am so glad to read this post. I have come to the conclusion I need someone to help me in personal matters, that it isn’t fair to my husband to be the one with that burden, too.
    We also need someone once a week, just to do the kitchen/bathroom.
    I have been disabled a while, but just this summer it got to the point where I need help in certain areas.
    I hope I can get someone in soon, my husband will be much better off, which will make me happy too.
    Good thoughts welcomed that the insurance company will see things this way as well!

  47. I bet she helps alot in that “i’ve-done-as-much-as-i-can-and-i’m-stuck-and-can’t-clean-anymore” stage. I find myself stuck there a lot.

  48. Congratulations on getting some help and someone that will do things exactly as you ask. A real gem indeed.

  49. Please! Design another cowl, then expand her hours till the money runs out. Not that it’s any of my business 🙂

  50. Lucky Natalie and lucky you! It sounds like a win-win situation. In my case, Natalie is Valerie, and she helps with housecleaning for four hours every other week. While it took a great deal of courage for me to admit that I was not coping very well on my own, I cannot imagine life without her now. I’m sure you and Natalie will be an equally good fit.

  51. I was so pleased to see you hire an assistant. That’s the sign of a business that can survive an over- winter. You aren’t planning to throw in the towel- you have a spouse, three children, a rhododendron and an assistant to pay for! I am so selfishly pleased by this. You have no idea.
    With this, you won’t get as overwhelmed, or burned out. You can keep setting up sock summits, and writing books and writing essays, and designing patterns, and writing blog entries. I was in fear that you would throw your hands up, make soup, and tell all the people gathered at your virtual doorstop to “Go Away! Steph cannot come out and play!”
    my best guess on me getting to take a class is in two years, minimum. So, please, stay healthy, and happy, and productive and business-like and cherished.
    all the best to you,
    ari

  52. I know what you mean about feeling like you’re failing for needing help. My kids are only 10.5 months apart, and the first year of my second born’s life was easily the hardest year of my life – and my life hasn’t exactly been all roses and rainbows, either. When #2 was about 7-8 months old, my partner *finally* convinced me to hire a mother’s helper. Now I failed big time, not one morning, four measly hours per week like you. My mother’s helper came three hours *per day, five days per week* – that afternoon bit, 3pm-6pm which seems to be the hardest with the wee ones. And while I have to admit that I still think of myself as a failure for needing (and accepting) the help, oh my goodness, failing never felt so good. That help changed my life. My only regret is that I didn’t admit to my failure earlier. I could have spared myself some really tough months.

  53. I’m delighted you hired some help. Good for you. I know the guilt feeling that I should be doing it all myself. But, it is wonderful to find someone you can be so in sync with that it is a pleasure to have her around.

  54. I wish there was a Wash and Fold here! I’m starting to believe that I actually can get someone in to clean my house once a week and still be a good wife/mother/woman. Way better than the pissy pants all the dust in the house turns me into every day.
    Congrats on finding a Nathalie. She looks like a great person to have around.

  55. Yay! Way to take a step off the hamster wheel of stress!
    (wash and fold…making a note to see if there’s one nearby. smartness!)

  56. This is a purely selfish response, but I am glad you got help if it means you will be coming out with another book sooner rather than later. 🙂 And if Natalie isn’t booked for Tuesday could you please send her out to BC? I could use some help!

  57. Total aside: don’t you love it when the season and all its vegetal glory matches your kitchen?

  58. Hooray for personal assistants! Hooray for de-stressing your life. Hooray for writing more!!! Hooray for Monda – wait! I don’t really want to go overboard here…

  59. I could just HUG you right now…. I needed to read this today, as I plowed thru yet another mountain of Stuff Other People Can Do. I HAVE an on-call assistant….but do I call her? NO. Must. Do. This. Myself.
    Not anymore. Duh, Tonya – assistant time converts into harp practice time (=income), and maybe even a little knitting.
    Thanks for the shove I needed, Stephanie.

  60. My husband finally convinced me to hire a housekeeper after years of asking. It totally felt like a failing that I couldn’t keep my house as clean as my mother did, in spite of the fact that I work full-time outside the home and she never did. I can’t have the housekeeper now, due to budget constraints, and it still amazes me how quickly I got over that “failing” when I was coming home to a sparkly house…

  61. Yay! Congrats on letting go of some personal hang ups, and getting some (much needed) help! This extra writing time you mentioned… does this mean we can look forward to another book?

  62. You have just convinced me that I need to hire an assistant. I have the exact same mentality. Super Mom, Super Designer, Super Business Owner. I need to do it all.
    The spinning is absolutely beautiful!

  63. ********** Hey,Gang, the NEW book is “All Wound Up – the Yarn Harlot Writes for a Spin”. Due out 17 May, 2011, but Amazon is already taking pre-orders.
    Couldn’t find a calendar yet…….eh, Steph??

  64. It’s hard to let go of that guilt, isn’t it. Do you think that could be a result of gender-related pressure? Women have been conditioned to feel they have to do it all? Glad you were able to let go and glad I’m in on the beginning of your empire-building. Re your tweet: I have no understanding what addiction and yarn buying are doing in the same sentence.

  65. Two words: Cleaning Lady. Totally keeps me from standing out in the street and waiting for a truck to hit me. And I shelve by subject and height, too! That way the smaller books don’t vanish between the big ones. Stash room is looking good!

  66. What a great looking room! And I’m ready to hire an assistant, too, now you have blazed the trail.

  67. Very serendipitous post considering another blog post I read earlier today on that very same subject: being kinder to ourselves. If you haven’t discovered Susan Gibbs of Juniper Moon Farm, you soon would. She’s a brilliant photographer, terrific blogger, and a full time shepherd. I think you’d like her a lot and her cormo yarn is to die for. If you google fiberfarm blog you’ll find her.

  68. Back in the day in North America, and still in the day in the UK, many folks even at the lower end of “middle class” had some nice lady come in to “do” two mornings a week. Perhaps , my dearest harlotta, if you think of it as a barter arrangement (you give her cash instead of wool or vegetables) in exchange for writing time it might sit a little better with you. She looks like she’s a nice chick, too.

  69. I hear ya. We need to hire a maid. Mainly we need someone to clean the tile floors (most of the house) and clean the bathrooms and give the kitchen a good going over every couple of weeks. I mean, we both work, so why not?

  70. I totally get where you’re coming from with the “of course, I need to handle all of it!” I have the same affliction. I have a terrible time asking for help. Yay, Natalie being a big success!!

  71. Ain’t learning new things great? Thinking in terms of “this is my small business” instead of “this is my life” is a big step and one that will expand what you can do with all you’ve been given.
    Good for you to have the wisdom to step into that.

  72. It was nice to see Natalie pictured. I’ve gotten several e-mails from her about donations (a very nice touch, by the way) so it was lovely to have a mental picture of your assistant. Congratulations! You deserve the help.

  73. “but there’s another advantage that I wasn’t expecting, and it’s that Natalie doing all this stuff that I always mean to do and never get time to do and bugs the snot out of me on a daily basis, means that I’m a lot less worried and stressed out.”
    A friend of mine calls all these tasks that are lined up waiting “ADUs: Attention Deficit Units”. So it totally makes sense that if you rid yourself (either you personally or have someone else — like Natalie) of some ADUs, then you’re less stressed. I totally get it.
    Hurrah for you!

  74. I did the same thing regarding hiring a “Mommy’s helper” this summer for a few hours twice a week. I was able to work on household chores without a 3 year old underfoot. It made such a difference, and I wish it hadn’t ended when school started.

  75. AND she wears a nice sweater to work.
    I do hear you. I was meaning to trim my wayward vines that were bugging the snot out of my neighbor, weekend after weekend… and I finally woke up and said to myself, “Clearly, you are not going to do this. Pay someone. Get it done.” and so I did. And it’s marvelous. He snipped and trimmed last weekend, and I cleaned and tidied inside, happy as a clam.

  76. FANTASTIC idea! I know you know this, but I cannot imagine you finding anyone more perfect than Natalie as an aide. She is one of the most calm and capable people I have ever met, yet she’s still cool and creative. Seriously, should the apocalypse come and civilization as we know it come to an end, I would hope to find myself in whatever group she’s in. Well, ideally, her and Denny and Rachel. They could probably get us through just about any calamity. Thinking about it, you really are surrounded by a rather awesome posse. (Why? You do the math. We know.)

  77. When I was a young widow with 3 children and a full time job, my girlfriend told me to get a housekeeper for a few hours each week. When I exclaimed that I could never do THAT (as if it were a sin), she said that if I were a man who was single parenting three kids, working full time, doing the laundry and shopping and cleaning and cooking, people would be happy for him if he had a housekeeper. Poor George! He does ALL THAT WORK and he deserves some help. I realized that my friend was totally correct. I hired a housekeeper to do 3 hours per week and saved my sanity.

  78. Neurotic wingnut!? Welcome to the club! I wonder if it’s a “woman thing” to feel this responsibility. I don’t notice my husband feeling this way…. 🙂

  79. This reminds me of the lyrics from Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young:” “May you always do for others, and let others do for you.” Helping others comes easily (especially for those of the knitting mindset.) Admitting that we need help can be harder. Good for you!

  80. As a business owner I totally understand worrying about hiring someone. We’re not even to that point yet but it scares the crap out of me.

  81. “It’s so hard to get good hired help these days” used to be said in a haughty tone after WW1, but the same still applies – without the haughtiness. If you can find someone, and trust them, so much the better. It applies to a lot in life.
    I am all for having hired help – though hell will freeze over before my spouse would consider it.
    I am a bit worried by Natalie’s lack of ergonomic work pattern, and all that twisting. Her body will pay her back later – though it could of course have been posed for the photo, in which case it is alright. Give her a heads up on that one please.

  82. The room is gorgeous, how clever of you to finally do something for yourself AND your work. Enjoy it and enjoy Natalie.

  83. Way to go! I was stuck in “oh no, I have to do everything myself” mode, too, until I read _The Four-Hour Workweek_, particularly the essay about outsourcing his tedious research, then his worrying, then his apologies to his wife. That’s taking it a little far, obviously, but realizing that your time is the most valuable thing you have, and you can buy more of it by paying someone to do these tasks… that’s a gold mine!

  84. True confession time: We recently hired someone to clean our house every other week. She works about 4 hours and that frees me up to cook more family meals, which I enjoy much more. It is a guilty pleasure and I haven’t even told my mother yet…. Anyhow, kudos to you!

  85. I finally broke down and got a cleaning lady for a few hours every couple of weeks. As soon as I started talking to people about it – it turned out that everybody and their dog had one already. I can’t believe I didnt get in on it sooner – it has made my life so much more livable.

  86. I finally hired someone to come wind skeins for me. I pay her in wool. I should have done it a long time ago.
    I wonder what my chances are of finding someone to clean my house in exchange for wool are?

  87. I think everyone needs a Natalie. In my case I need a Kylie. Kylie is my most organised friend in the world. She could make over my mess in a minute. I am sure.

  88. Before I had my final child, I had to be on bedrest for awhile so we hired a cleaning service, which was two ladies, which meant the whole house got cleaned in one go, instead of only one room at a time. That was just heavenly. Then I had an emergency c-section so I hired a young friend to come every morning for the first two weeks after the baby was born, to bundle all the laundry, and there was plenty, into the washing machine, and then into the dryer. I couldn’t lift anything except the baby, or walk down the stairs. So hearing that washer running meant the world to me. I never regretted or felt guilty about the extra help.

  89. My mother worked as a cleaning lady for “rich” people when I was growing up. We were poor, and I still have the “poor man’s mentality”. Even though I could afford it, and someone would do a much better job than me, I still can’t bring myself to hire help cleaning this big old house I now live in. so I rattle around in this messy place, fantasizing about how nice it would be if it were actually REALLY clean! So I totally get where you are coming from.

  90. I also noticed Natalie’s beautiful sweater… so I’m guessing she is either a knitter, or borrowed it from you. Or it’s (gasp) machine knit. Please, say it isn’t so!
    And btw, if I move to Toronto, can I have her job? I would be in heaven if I got to play around in your stash room…. LOL

  91. I’m like that, too, about doing everything. But I haven’t gotten over it. Sometimes I have to ask for help from my friends, like when my dogs can’t have a walk because I have a hurt ankle. It’s hard to even know who to call, though I’d gladly pay a reliable someone to take them out daily.

  92. welcome natalie! congrats stephanie! that’s a huge step and maybe you’ll nudge me on this as much as you nudged me to tie on my running sneakers and start training again (thankfully because uhm.. somewhat accidental half marathon anyone?)
    i’m trying to take this step (and have been for five years) and hire someone to help my little businesses out so i can do more of what i need to do and let someone else take care of the other bits. thank you for the nudge that just as i don’t have to run 15k every day, nor do I have to spin more than 10 minutes, just a little bit, such as four hours a week can make a difference.
    thank you. you rock. both of you.

  93. Heh Steph. I think that it’s fabulous that you are doing this. It’s about time…why do women think they have to always do everything, and then some? I feel the same way, so I can relate, but it’s about time for you to have a bit of help. Yay! Kathleen

  94. Steph! Look at all of these encouraging comments! No one is condemning you or thinking less of you for hiring help. (Honestly I’m surprised that four hours is enough! I’d be going bananas with your schedule!)
    Never feel bad about doing something that provides value in your life. If you feel better about having her do some of the little things you’d like to do, that’s awesome! We can all use help from time to time!

  95. Gorgeous spinning!
    Good for you – everyone busy and successful woman needs a Natalie in her life. Wish I had one!

  96. I think it’s great that you hired Natalie. I think you should mention her sweater too don’t you? Was it from the store or did some one knit it up for her?

  97. Lovely! So glad your rationality won out and you can do what you are meant to, AND give someone else employment! At least for a few hours.

  98. I LOVE what I can see of the “Stash Room”! The light coming in behind Natalie makes the room look cheery and inviting. Wonderful color! Can we see more?

  99. Well done. A bit inspiring since I’ve been beating myself up a bit for “failing” – having a relatively common, unavoidable, and completely fixable occurrence today. After a nice chat with my friend decided a bit of whiskey, lots and lots of knitting, some BBC 4, and yarn harlot can fix. Thank you for the humour.

  100. When my kids were babies, I couldn’t even go to Mother’s Circle meetings, leaving them with my husband, because he did not put them to bed on time. The world would not have ended if they were up late, or if they crinkled because he let them sit in the bath too long, but I think I thought that I was the only one who loved them enough to do everything the perfect way. What an IDIOT.

  101. Wash & fold? I want a place like that.
    I’ll confess, my cleaning ladies come tomorrow. Saves my sanity!

  102. I am also an assistant for a small business owner- and while the hours are a bit unpredictable I find it very rewarding. I never know quite what my day will be like and enjoy the different things she has me working on- just knowing I am helping her do a better job (working with children with autism) makes me smile.
    You could most likely have tons of assistants on a volunteer basis if you wanted, knitting rock star that you are. I would definitely be willing to be paid in knitting and/or wool, even. LOL

  103. The ‘wingnut’ comment made me laugh. Here in Oz that is a nickname given to someone (usually men) who have sticky-outty ears. And from the photos of you that I have seen, your ears seem pretty normal.
    Now, if you are refering to your self as a little crazy, then we have a whole slew of other expressions for that…dingbat…fruitbat…drongo…or we might say you have kangaroos loose in your top paddock or we would probably say just plain ‘nuts’.
    I totally get the control freak thing – I think it is something to do with being a Gemini (that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it) and I am having similar struggles with which part of my life I let go – I have realised I can’t do every thing, but have yet to work out just which things I am not going to do!
    Good luck and congratulations on getting a Natalie – My mum had a Vera for a while and it was a very good thing.
    Any chance of you writing a cookbook for knitters??? Items that we can cook and serve and not lose knitting time??? I think you should because that stock looks good and the muffins sound nice!

  104. What a wonderful idea to have Natalie with you! Sometimes, it isn’t just a control thing, but a difficulty in deciding just which things to delegate and not have the delegation process and conversations take up as much time as the employee saves.

  105. Hiring people to babysit our kids, assist us with our tidying or cooking or lawn care or whatever, handle our wiring or our plumbing, etc. etc. (etc.), puts people to work. Probably not enough work, but every little helps, right? It’s not laziness at all.

  106. We just decided today to get a cleaning lady. For us I have been the one pushing for it and my stay at home dad husband has fought it. My hope is this will equal less nagging from me and a clean house. If I could also find someone to tidy and do some of the honey-do items that would be bliss

  107. You go, girl! You deserve the peace of mind. I have a housekeeper come for 4 hours a week because I hate to scrub things clean (and most of the cleaning products make me itch). She has totally saved my relationships with my family members.

  108. I want to be your assistant. But I don’t live in Toronto… Can I help with KWB emails?

  109. I completely get where you’re coming from. These things are hard. It was painful for me to hire a housekeeper, even though I was going to change to working full time and being a single parent in effect (husband has new job in a far away state, visits only once a month). I had to send my hubby and child away from the house so I could talk with her, I absolutely couldn’t do it while they were here. Now? I’m more than OK with it now.

  110. Bravo you for the brilliant move – I’m so glad it gives you some ‘stretch’. Funny, when you wrote ‘Natalie’ under the photo I paused thinking I had forgotten your children’s names, as I assumed, without looking too terribly close to the photo, that was one of your girls. Lovely sweater as well!

  111. Here’s a non-guilt way to look at this:
    1) What are the things you can’t delegate? Writing, being a wife (well, one could delegate this, but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you want a divorce), being a mother, drinking beer – oops, I meant tea – and in general living your life. 2) The things you can delegate, delegate if you can find a way. The floor doesn’t care who sweeps it, at least mine doesn’t, it’s just grateful it gets swept at all.
    Time is the one irrecoverable resource; you can’t pile it up to use later, and you can’t get it back once it’s gone. Use it to its best! Now if I could just follow my own advice!

  112. A few years ago my husband had to practically make me hire a cleaner, despite the fact that I didn’t “work” and my kids were in school all day. I felt like a lazy bum that I was not cleaning my own house. But he was adamant that my time could be better spent, and I learned to appreciate my cleaner very quickly. Now I have a very part time job outside the house, as well as provide moral and administrative support for my self-employed husband. I sure was glad I didn’t have to scramble to find help with the cleaning when those things were added to the mix. There isn’t enough time in the day for all the stuff I’m supposed to be doing, never mind enough knitting time! Way to go!

  113. You’ve given me another nudge toward squeezing out money from my budget to get my organizer back, at least a couple of hours a month.
    And she is still WAY cheaper than therapy 😉
    I’ve had a cleaning lady for my 1-bedroom apartment for years — just an hour and a half every two weeks, but boy, it makes a difference. She does piles of dishes, cleans the bathroom, mops floors, vacuums, dusts and does a bit of tidying. It would take me literally ten times as long to do the same amount of work myself (limited mobility). My organizer clued me in to the local “Wash and Fold” a few years ago. They even pick up and deliver. Truly a Godsend.
    When I was working with the organizer regularly, we were actually making headway cleaning out the garage and organizing the library and bedroom. I definitely need her to come back.

  114. When my boss insisted that I hire an admin to do the tasks that were taking up too much of my time so, like you, I could focus on what only I could do, I was so-o-o embarrassed. I thought people would assume I was a goof-off who couldn’t get my work done and that I thought I was too important to do the other jobs. Did I feel that way about other managers who had assistants? Nope. Did I get over it? Yep, in time, but it wasn’t easy letting go.

  115. Hi, my dream job, sorting not just books but knitting books! Luckily Natalie!
    I’m on the other end, I have 3 families where I go in for a set amount of hours each week and clean kitchens/toilets/bathrooms/living area’s etc I also/iron/refill washers and dryers if the washing is there to do so (OK I also go and hunt it out of the kids bedrooms to make a full load, it’s OK they aren’t teenagers yet so no personal space infringed ;0))and dozens of other things. Oh and I also walk my neighbours dog when their shifts clash and it means she is on her own for more than a few hours.
    I knew one of my ladies was struggling a little with personal finances so offered to drop my hours/take a week or two off if she couldn’t afford me. She was horrified, she said I was her personal slice of double chocolate cake indulgence and she would rather stop buying food than have not have my help (she is a widow with 3 kids and works full time in a very “difficult” school). She loves coming home, opening the door and realising that I’ve been and the house is tidy. It also means an evening where she can knit guilt free and not worry that she has jobs that need doing etc.
    The jobs suit me as it means I can work around my own family, but it does sometimes leave me so tired sometimes I wish I had someone to do my housework!!!

  116. Yeah, I have heard of this affliction…I so don’t have it! Perhaps I am a sloth. Anyway. The first episode of the podcast, quick and dirty tips to work less and do more, is great on this subject. It’s only 5 mins, and genius!
    Loving the stash room, btw.

  117. Fabulous step hiring Natalie, and I understand the guilt (cleaner 2 hours per week, both hubby and I work full time and we have 3 kids, but still the guilt), but you know what I focussed on? The stitch dictionary on the top of the pile in the foreground of the photo – it looks a lot like a Harmony Guide on my shelf – got to keep the knitter’s hunting instinct alive and quivering 🙂

  118. It’s just that first step that feels weird, Stephanie.
    My hubby is of the opinion that it is smarter to concentrate on the things that HE does well and to pay other people to do the things THEY do well. It’s a win-win. Think of it as doing your bit to keep the economy going…
    Now if I could just find someone I could pay to tink for me……

  119. We (I and the women I knew) used to say that we needed a wife. Reading through the comments it seems there’s a little less of the male-female thing going on but it’s still out there! I think we’d all still like to have a wife. God knows I would. Or at least a husband who took over some of the repetative, never-show-any-headway stuff that is so unrewarding both psychologically and financially. When’s the last time someone gave you a pat on the back for a well done load of laundry or an on time stack of paid off bills?
    Good for you!!! (God bless Natalie!)

  120. I think it’s great!
    What’s really cool is that of the books I see in your stash, I have all the same ones! Whee! Are we feeling the connection? 😉
    Single mom here. I have to do everything. Meaning, a lot of things don’t get done. sigh..

  121. Good job! My mother-in-law taught me when I was pregnant that when someone asks you if they can help – have something in mind because it makes you both feel good. Then when my husband got a promotion and a decent raise, we had a little left over each month and he suggested that we hire a cleaning lady. It was horrible for the first couple times but now I think it’s wonderful to not have to worry about scrubbing the toilets and tub every time we have company over!

  122. Hurrah! I also work from home and – get this – have two young children. I’ve been trying to coax myself into hiring a house cleaner because I just cannot keep up. I finally gave myself permission last month but haven’t called the person I have in mind. I’m going to do that today. Right now actually. Thank you! Thanks, Natalie.

  123. I am so happy for you, everyone should have a four hour Natalie! PS, I have never been able to ask for help either.

  124. Congrats on the new assistant. I’ve wished I could hire someone for cleaning, but not quite in the financial situation to do that yet. Maybe. I guess it should check into how much it would cost again. For those wish they could hire someone (housecleaning or other help) but are stuck in the “I’m lazy if I don’t do it myself” mode, try this thought instead – “I’m not lazy, I’m helping someone else pay their bills or get through school. I get time for .”

  125. seriously considering trading my gym membership for a maid, after reading about Natalie. I’m a divorced mom with a fairly helpful teen, but neither of us wants to wash floors and scrub bathrooms!
    Plus, if someone comes in, we’ll be forced to keep it tidier. Thanks, Stephanie, for letting us know what a great choice you made!

  126. Congrats, this is called worker smarter not harder. Now to make more money so you can pay Natalie to work 8 hours a week. You’ll be amazed at how much more time you have available to write.

  127. {waves} Hi, Natalie!
    It’s turning cold in our part of the world. Are the annual “furnace races” on this year?

  128. Wow, how do I get a job like this? On the other hand, it reminds me so much of my desire to have a ‘wife’…someone to do all those dull jobs so I can do the fun ones, LOL.

  129. I was the same way…and then I wised up and hired a cleaning lady one day every two weeks. Wonderful stuff! Then the economy changed and my business changed and I had to give that up…and boy oh boy do I ever miss the sanity that it brought to my life (not to mention the clean house it brought to my life, which is the part that is just not managing to get done). So, enjoy it while you are able to…you deserve it!

  130. We all need a hired helper. Imagine all the people we could employ if we just admitted it.

  131. 20/20 hindsight here. We hired our first housecleaner in February. I begged for help 15 years ago when my kids were still young and in every activity, but my DH was resistant. And he did his share of housework, so what was I to do? But we spent so much of our free time cleaning and the whole house was never clean. Now, every 2 weeks the house sparkles and it doesn’t really get dirty in between except for dog hair on the rugs. And DH has admitted repeatedly that he was wrong. (Revenge is a dish best served cold)
    It’s hard to ask for help, but once you get it you realize what a git you’ve been.
    Natalie sounds fabulous. Go forth and be productive!

  132. Bravo, Steph! I have *been* a ‘Natalie’ for others in your situation — and it was a fun and rewarding experience. Rest assured, being paid for it was a bonus! 🙂

  133. This is really part of your plan to convert everyone into knitters.
    Love the fact you hired her and forgave yourself.
    Welcome aboard Natalie. Nice sweater 🙂

  134. I totally understand your predicament. Maybe I should apply the logic to myself…. 🙂

  135. Good for you! I’m dealing with a similar mental roadblock right now – I work full-time and commute, and can’t help but feel like a failure if I hire someone to clean the bathrooms for me. Here’s to getting over oneself!

  136. Everyone needs a Natalie. My cleaning lady frees me up to do the things only I can do, and my gardening guy mows the lawn so I can go play in the dirt, doing what I love to do, without feeling badly that my house is dirty or lawn needs mowing. Besides, the older I get, the more sense it makes to hire things out that I can no longer physically do without taking a week off to recover!

  137. I work a full time job 40+ hours a week and I delegate all the time at work. But at home I feel guilty if I ask my husband to do things. What is wrong with us?????

  138. Can Natalie come here every 2nd Tuesday please? I could really use some help here. I promise to have tea for her and cookies, if she could just sort my knitting books, yarn and figure out a system…even if it takes months.
    I get where you are coming from Stephanie, I have been there and have to say the best thing I have ever done is have a ‘cleaning person’ come in 3 hours a week..I truly hate vacuming.
    Also when we hired the cleaning person, we bought a new central vac..the old one wasn’t working very well..why is it that it was good enough for us, but not good enough for someone else.
    ..and no, I don’t clean before the cleaning person..LOL

  139. We have hired someone to wash our windows inside and out once a year for the last three years. I don’t feel a bit guilty. I’m in my late 60s and being on a high ladder doesn’t work for me anymore.
    Our house isn’t huge, although more room than two people need — over 3,000 square feet including finished basement — but I would love to have cleaning help. We have 5 bedrooms (one being my office and stash room) and 3 bathrooms. My husband and I clean every two weeks. If I had the extra money, I would hire cleaning help in a heartbeat.

  140. Hiring Natalie? Wonderful wonderful idea. Liking Mondays? That’s still a bit of a stretch for me…
    PCam

  141. Bravo! We live in an Appalachian region where lots of people seriously need work. I am happy to share what I have and get a clean house twice a month in return, worth every penny and sociable too. I’m still learning how to make it clear what I want, but my helpers are quick to listen and our home has never been more comfortable or attractively clean. Go girl! Everybody wins!

  142. Hooray for help! And the truth is I was once Natalie! When I was first out of college and had followed my love to the ends of the earth (okay, Delaware) a friend-of-a-friend’s mom hired me (out of pity, likely) as her “Girl Friday”. She was a yarn rep! My first taste of the yarn business, almost 20 years ago! Still have a pair of needles she gave me. And she taught me to yarn over.

  143. My husband and I broke down and have someone come and do all of the heavy cleaning once a month for 3 hours. At first I felt terribly guilty. We don’t have kids. I am a teacher. My husband is self employed. It just didn’t seems right. I couldn’t even bring myself to admit it to my closest friends or even my dear mom. We have been doing this for a few years now and it might be the most wonderful thing EVER. Not only do I get to walk through the door to an especially clean smelling home once a month but I don’t let this awful chore eat up any of my very short weekends. It is glorious and you should treasure Natalie!!! ENJOY!
    Happy Knitting (or writing)!
    Summer

  144. The garlic soup? Saw the recipe and bought garlic and French bread on the way home. Awesome with vegetable broth.

  145. I am getting so excited about your room! Just imagine how much you’ll love it when it’s done! I love it already just looking at the green you chose and the way the bookcases look against it.

  146. Someone mentioned the 70’s women’s movement…. I think it was Gloria Steinem who observed that every woman needs a “wife” to handle all those miscellaneous tasks/details. Yours is called Natalie: good job!
    As a librarian, I agree with the folks in the earlier post — organize your books the way YOU will look for them, (with a thought also to how you’ll put them back).
    Our house is only 95 years old, in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. We have a little room about that size, up by what would have been servants’ rooms. It has big cupboards and drawers built into one side. I always think it was a “linen room”, for tablecloths and such (as well as bedding and towels). It’s a good place to do ironing.
    Congrats on your new room!

  147. Natalie!!!
    She has on that cute cardigan from vogue knitting!! she’s got a sweater for every day of the week!! we should all be so lucky!
    soup looks yummy. enjoy

  148. Oh I so do this all the time! World’s worst procrastinator, that’s me. After endlessly beating myself up about everything I haven’t done, friends sometimes ‘stage an intervention’ so I’m forced to hire help. Then I go back to beating myself up again… I like to be consistent 😉

  149. So its been ages since I posted on your blog, but I just wanted to say that I completely relate as a person who is often harder on herself than she is on others and, not that my opinion matters in the least, but you should stop it! And now I’ll take my own advice 🙂 Seriously though, I don’t think it is in any way lazy for you to have an assistant. In fact, I think you’re going to get way more done now that you have one.

  150. Having an assistant is going to be a great help to you cos you can get on with what you do best: Knitting and Writing. When is the next book due out? Can’t wait. I enjoy all your books you have a wonderful talent for writing.

  151. I do the SAME THING, even though I know it’s dumb. And, sadly, I only realized later that it’s part of what made my life unhappy when my son was a baby. I thought I had to do it all myself or I was an unfit mother. Add to that a big dose of ppd (which manifested as anxiety and anger) and a dark basement apartment in the wintertime, and you’ve got an unhappy mama. I so wish I could go back and do some of that time over again knowing what I know now about asking for help–and accepting it gracefully.
    Bravo for respecting your writing, and your writing time, enough to make room for it! Rock on.

  152. i had the same struggle as you a few years back – in a flat on my own and working all the hours God sent – and struggled with my conscience over 2 hours once a week so that I could renovate the flat rather than do the cleaning – worked like a dream and it was money well spent – I think it didn’t sit right as my mum did cleaning when I was growing up and I felt that I was ‘getting above myself’ – I never did tell her!!!

Comments are closed.