Stick a fork in me knitters, because I am done. Not done with the wrapping, not done with the cleaning, not done with the organizing, not done with the present making, and not done with the cooking…I’m also not done with the knitting, though there’s only a single sock left to do, although it’s a big one.
I am done, however, with the shopping and the shops and the crowds and crush of humanity, and that fills me with a glee that I can scarcely tell you of. There’s a lot left to do, but at least now it’s stuff that happens in the house. That’s a big relief.
I was standing in a store this morning, looking at everything in my basket and running the mental checklist of everyone I want things for. I was assembling a stocking for Joe in my head and I thought "Is that enough?"
The dictionary defines enough as "occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs or expectations." Clearly, since we live in a house, eat when we are hungry, drink when we are thirsty, put on clothes when we are cold… obviously we have enough. Enough of everything. Where does it come from then, that feeling I have when I stand in a shop, holding a gift in my hand and thinking "Is this enough?" or I bake a hundred cookies, and then stand there surveying the lot and wondering "Is that enough?"
If we’re defining enough as that definition above though- and thinking of fully meeting demands, needs or expectations – then I think I’m probably in a losing game. Never mind my crazy ideas of a perfect Christmas or the expectations of others, but what’s a gift but an attempt to show the recipient that you love or care for them, and if that’s what it is, am I ever going to be able to get them enough? Is there anything that I can put in Joe’s stocking to show him fully and completely how much I appreciate him being married to me? Can I ever buy enough presents to convey the depth of my love? There will never be enough. Never, and this year we swore to opt out of the craziness. Trying to get enough, buy enough, make enough, get enough done – because it doesn’t work anyway. It’s never enough, you could buy or make everything, and all that would happen is that afterwards there would be a big mess, a bunch of exhausted people- all of whom are broke – and everyone then would have too much, just because you were trying to fill something that’s a feeling with stuff.
All of that occurred to me while I stood there, trying to buy Joe underpants for his stocking (It’s tradition) and wondering if it was enough. As soon as I caught that- that I had started trying to convey my love with stuff… I left. I declared it enough, and I came home.
It is enough. It is all enough. There are enough cookies, enough underpants, and enough food. Christmas is coming, and not only will there be enough, there will probably be too much. I hit the re-set button on my sense of self and I did three things. I made a donation to MSF, for people who actually don’t have enough, then I wrote someone a letter – letting them know that who they are in my life is simply enough- and fully meets my needs and expectations, and then I had a cup of tea.
It’s enough. It’s all enough. I’m signing off now until after Christmas, because the one thing that I am sure of is that I don’t have enough of my kids, and my husband and my friends and my family and our time. Thank you for being here this year, and I wish you and yours simply, enough.
Happy Christmas, and Peace