Every work morning, Joe gets up a little before me, puts his bath on, and then goes downstairs to make coffee. I get up when the coffee is ready. Getting up and having a cup of coffee in my hand thirty seconds after rising is really one of the things that moderates my normally horrific morning personality. If I have to make the coffee then that whole first 20 minutes of the day need to be really gentle, quiet and settled. There can be no challenges of any sort until I’ve got glorious caffeine flowing into me – and I think the fact that Joe makes that happen is one of the most loving and sensible things he does for me. That’s why it’s particularly heartbreaking that the system might have to go.
Joe’s always been sort of challenged by coffee making, and recently we got a new coffee maker that just seems to be beyond his talents. As a matter of fact, right here might be a good time to mention that we got a new coffee maker because Joe destroyed the last one in a really incredible scene. Let’s mark down the things Joe has done to coffee makers.
1. Washed the pot, dumped the old grounds, ground new coffee, added the grounds, added water and turned the coffee maker on — and neglected then to replace the pot under the drip thingie, so that when the water started dripping onto the grounds in the filter basket, it filled up, overflowed and backed up grounds into the water resevoir – so that the intake hose thing got full of grounds, and a coffee flood ensued.
Result: dead coffee maker. No coffee.
2. Joe got a new coffee maker to try and manage my anger. This one grinds the beans and then makes coffee. Joe thought it might be better if it did more things so he had to do less. This isn’t exactly a crime against coffee, but it was such a faulty premise that I feel justified in listing it.
3. Added beans, added water, replaced carafe… but sadly forgot to take out the grounds from the day before so that the whole system was overloaded.
Result: No coffee, and substantial coffee flood.
4. Added beans, added water, replaced carafe, didn’t turn maker on.
Result: No coffee, but at least we bounced back from that one with just some frowning and desperation.
*note: this led to several attempts to manage the timer. Not worth it.
5. Added beans, added water, turned maker on, but didn’t empty the previous days leftovers out of the pot, thus resulting in coffee overload.
Result: No coffee. Coffee flood. Discouraging attempt by husband to drink horrible yesterday/today coffee combo.
6. Added beans, added water, turned maker on, emptied carafe, replaced carafe, but didn’t check to see if there were enough beans.
Result: Whole potful of demoralizing coffee scented water.
7. Added beans, ground beans, added water.. emptied carafe, replaced carafe, but sadly, got distracted by email and didn’t add full measure of water.
Result: Coffee syrup. Interesting invention, possible application on ice cream, but not drinkable at 7am.
8. Added beans, cleaned filter, ground beans, washed carafe, replaced carafe, added water, turned maker on. Sadly, left filter on the counter, so half of the grounds washed into carafe, and the other half then plugged the drippy hole thing.
Result: Undrinkable coffee… AND a coffee flood, complete with grounds.
9. Added beans, cleaned filter, replaced the filter, ground HALF THE BEANS added all the water. Turned coffee maker on.
Result. Water that was almost coffee in an awful way that gave you hope by looking like coffee, smelling like coffee and yet NOT BEING COFFEE.
Predictable additional result: Wife holding cup, weeping softly, wondering how there can always be a new way for him to do this.
10. (Today.) Added beans- enough beans, cleaned filter, replaced filter, washed carafe, replaced carafe, added the right amount of water – turned maker on, only to discover that the chute that the ground beans travel was clogged with other grounds, suffered coffee scented water again, used crochet hook to clean said chute, repeated process including crochet hook maneover, before finally, on the third attempt – making a pot of coffee.
Result: Coffee – but out of beans. Dry grounds spread for miles. Several kitchen cloths dirtied in the attempt, slightly odd vision of cat eating small mountain of dry ground coffee off floor and…
Wife saying to husband something like "How can you be so really, really smart and still not be able to do this?" and husband replying with the immortal words:
"I dunno honey. I think maybe I need to drink coffee before I can make coffee."
That’s why you should switch to tea instead. I don’t think I could manage all that commotion sans caffeine, either.
Have you considered a french press? Those are pretty hard to screw up, in conjunction with a dedicated stove kettle / electric kettle and a timer … and delicious!
I mean, at least if the steps are messed up, the thing isn’t broken 🙂
Poor Joe. He needs a Joe to get up and make him a cuppa Joe.
Thank you for making me smile on this snowy but sunny day. Amazing how smart our husbands can be, but how challenging some simple things can be for them…oops, might say that about me too.
How is that fleece coming?
I totally love our coffeemaker. The night before my husband fills the water reservoir, adds coffee filter and ground beans, pushs the “timer” button, and…the next morning at precisely 6:12 AM the coffee is ready.
Now, if we could just figure out a way to warm our cups before pouring that first cup. Hum…gotta ponder that one.
Hmmm… maybe a checklist like airline pilots use. A laminated checklist.
Sounds like our house — but I’m the one who “makes” the coffee.
#7 can still result in drinkable coffee if you add some hot water from your tea kettle to each cup. I tend to be over-zealous in amount of coffee grinds I add to my french press.
Sounds like me. I’ve kind of solved the problem by opening a can of Pepsi, taking a big swig and putting on my coat to go to the local bakery to order coffee. Their coffee has an optional croissant or scone on the side.
I’m with Joe. I’ve screwed up morning coffee so many times, my husband (who can function without coffee if he must) now gets up and makes it. That started less than a year after we started living together, the 3rd time I did something really stupid (forgot water, forgot coffee, forgot filter– done them all and then some.)
On days when he can’t make it (out of town, in hospital), I sleep in a sweatsuit because I can run around the corner to the little restaurant and get a cup to go before attempting to make it. Or can send one of my children.
Joe, I sympathise with you.
Sitting on patio on sunny but chilly day with my afternoon coffee. My thoughts will be with you in the mornings as you prepare to face the day without caffeine while Joe struggles or you make your own. My husband does the coffee here, I sympathize.
Just want to add – Just be thankful the bath didn’t overflow in all the chaos!!!!
http://www.keurig.com/
Not the most fantastic coffee ever, but practically morning-proof.
At the office we have the Keurig coffee maker, with the pods. It’s definitely not green, but perhaps having this set up would prevent all of the coffee mishaps Joe has been suffering from. Even if he drank only 1 per day as his eye-opener coffee, so that enough caffiene is flowing in Joe’s system to actually make the real coffee machine go?
My favorite line ever, because it is so true.
It is actually impressive that so many different things can go wrong with making a pot of coffee! For that, I think Joe can chalk one up for himself. Keurig might be the answer for you-delicious!
Understand first events of the day should be rather routine. This morning toilet overflowed. Without brain power (that is, without caffeine), mess is definitely bigger than if it was post-caffeine.
I see that you have used a coffee maker with a timer. Surely there is one that could work.
Thanks for the smile.
My husband does the same thing, makes coffee every morning and brings me a cup while I’m still in bed. I am very spoiled that way. John makes really good, really low tech coffee and I believe Joe can too. A melita cone, unbleached paper filters, some kind of vessel to place cone on. Ground beans in the filter lined cone, something to make boiling water, once boiling, pour water over grounds. It’s very low tech and very difficult to mess up. You do have to play with proportions depending on how much coffe you make and how you like it. I feel certain this is feasible for Joe. Lots of really good information can be found at the Sweet Marias website (I’ve no affiliation with them).
Best of luck to you Stephanie, a woman should not have to be without her coffee in the morning!!
You guys need to set the whole thing up the night before and then just push the button and have coffee in the morning.
I have a pot with a timer. I do all the set up the night before when I am fully functioning. I wake to lovely coffee ready to drink in the morning. I highly recommend it.
Try the Toddy coffee system. You make a ton of coffee concentrate and store it in the fridge. Add hot water, and you have coffee. It’s hard to mess up, especially since you make the concentrate in advance, when you are well-caffeinated.
One thought…you could set it up the night before so that all Joe has to do in the a.m. is flip the switch.
One other thought…investing in a burr grinder is completely worth it.
Hope your tomorrow a.m. is smoother. 🙂
I’m going to recommend a Keurig too. But it’s not the most pratical in that it’s a single-serving machine…and I do believe you drink more than one cup per morning. However it’s virtually fool-proof. And as Milissa pointed out, not really green-friendly, unless you use the My K-cup and use your own beans (as opposed to the pre-packaged K-cups).
However, I do have one and use daily. But I only drink one cup per day. My husband uses it for hot water for his tea.
That’s like my husband with the breadmaker. After versions made with no yeast, with no water, and with tablespoons instead of teaspoons of salt, he was officially banned from the machine.
We have the Keurig,too….. I know it’s not environmentally sound, but we drink 3-4 cups a day, 3 caffeinated and 1 decaf….. And the keurig has saved many, many bad half-pots being thrown away. I figure the Prius (6 years old, 120,000 miles, still getting 47-52 miles per gallon) makes up for this indiscretion in the grand balancing of the universe.
I also suggest a Keurig coofeemaker. Husband loves it! I don’t drink coffee, but the K-cup chai latte and cocoas are good. It is also great for instantly getting hot water needed in recipes.
Sorry folks, this sounds too much like one of my husband’s ploys: “Duh, if I screw it up enough times, SHE’LL give up, get up, and make the coffee.”
Yes, after 15 years of married bliss, that ploy works only for the coffee maker and making omelets (don’t ask, you don’t want to know). For the rest of the household issues, he still gets nudged into at least trying.
Why not just get the coffee maker ready before you go to bed? Then all you have to do is press the start button in the morning.
First time commenting – love, love love your blog. Thank you for writing.
Perhaps your solution is to go with a lower tech coffee system? I use a cone filter system for one cup of coffee at a time. Though they have bigger ones that would allow you (or Joe) to brew a few cups at once. Anyway, I do this on weekday mornings when the hubs is away at work since it’s not worth it to run a pot of coffee for just me.
Routine entails: boil water (which is in a kettle waiting for me on the stove), place cone drip onto coffee cup, place filter and coffee into cone drip, pour boiling water. Wait a minute for coffee to brew. Drink coffee.
Commence the rest of the day.
(Link to cone filter example: http://amzn.to/eMPWwD)
I see an Aeropress coffee maker in your future. Very hard to screw up and less mess to deal with than a french press version. (I hate having to get the grounds out of the bottom of one of those things.
Or do as someone else above suggested. You(not Joe) set the whole thing up the night before and all Joe needs to do in the morning is hit the start button. He’s still making you coffee before you crawl out and you don’t have to clean up the mess he makes when errors happen.
Ahahahahaha! This is the greatest thing that didn’t happen to me today. I drink tea because the espresso machine at my house (not mine) is finicky and if i get a cup of cappuchino out of it, it’s usually cold because i didn’t steam the milk long enough. Or something. Tea is easy. =)
I don’t want to start some big fight, but that does sound like a good use for a crochet hook.
I have used the notion of one to threaten my own husband if the coffee isn’t ready by the time I wake, too. We use the same system.
He really does love you! I don’t drink coffee and I suck at making coffee. I haven’t tried as hard as Joe, though.
As a college student I have a crappy $15 coffeemaker, but it DOES have a timer, which goes off exactly two minutes before my alarm. That way, I can literally roll out of bed, pick my mug up from my desk, and get my fresh coffee without walking more than three feet. Moral of the story: not everything about dorm rooms is bad.
I have had that kind of week work-wise if not coffee wise. Thanks for the chuckle.
If you get one that’s programable, you can set it up the night before and never have to touch the thing when your brain isn’t working. IE the morning.
Could you set up the machine the night before so all he has to do is turn it on? Good luck getting your coffee in the morning.
I use the Clever Dripper at work for simple single serving coffee: Add filter, add grounds, add hot water. Steep and then set on top of coffee mug.
I use a French Press at home if I don’t pass a coffee shop when I walk the dog. If I pass the coffee shop, I get coffee and Victor gets a little milk bone (it’s an excellent coffee shop).
Recently we “upgraded” from our simple, 4-cup coffee maker and separate grinder to a fancy 10-cup coffee maker that does its own grinding. It’s such a pain in the arse to clean that we don’t always bother to make coffee. THIS MEANS SOME MORNINGS HAVE NO COFFEE. Unacceptable and heart-breaking. I’m so sorry you have a similar problem in your house. I almost suggested you get a french press, but I fear there might be glass shards and burns. Morning should be easier for us all.
Hilarious! I shouldn’t laugh, I know. Perhaps the answer is strong tea (our solution–actually now that I think of it, strong teaa might be our solution to everything…
Awesome.
As the primary coffeemaker and the only coffee drinker, I have done all or the same things. I even did the barista thing for many years. It does not matter who makes the coffee, bad things will happen. It is the universe getting even for something, or wanting to entertain itself. It is not Joe’s fault!! It is Murphy’s!
Ah reading this was such a personal thing for me. having been through many early morning coffee trauma’s over the years.
The results of Item no. 6 is also known as Hot Brown Water in my home. source of anger in the morning when i have to suffer through drinking that bit of disappointment.
Yes. My husband no longer makes coffee in our household because coffee flood is the inevitable result. He is a computer engineer. Very very smart man. But no matter what he does there is an insane mess. So I make the coffee.
However. I get up before him to do it, so that it is quiet and calm and no one talks to me. If I wake up late, or if there’s noise or commotion, or if GOD FORBID the filter is not cleaned the day before (so I have to do it in the morning), I’m extremely grumpy and snippy for most of the morning.
Very much hoping your coffee situation sorts out soon!
I believe there would be mass mutiny at our house if one of us became that incompetent at coffee-making. It would be terrible.
And I had NO idea there were SO MANY ways you could mess up coffee! Truly horrifying. If I had your address I’d mail you a condolence card! 🙂
Definitely consider a Keurig. Not cheap, but there’s dozens of coffees to choose from so you’ll surely be able to find a favorite. The upside is that every cup you drink is fresh.
Our coffee-making horror story was leaving the lid off the percolator. Amazing how far up the cupboard doors it could shoot the coffee…amazing.
I hate the grinder in the new pot. My husband is a good coffee maker before I get up, but he now has a separate grinder that spews static grounds all over the counter. He now has to remember to shut off the automatic grinder, too. I make a french press if I am pressed.
Set it all up the night before. This is what we do in our house where the husband doesn’t understand coffee at all. All one has to do in the morning is hit the “on” switch.
Everyone said,”Oh, you’ll drink coffee when you go to high school.” I didn’t drink coffee in high school. Everyone said “You’ll drink coffee when you are in college, graduate school, get married, have children…” I still do not drink coffee and I am incapable of making coffee. I just do not have coffee making genetics. My husband makes his own coffee. Guests are safer making their own coffee.
I drink tea.
After reading this, I’m so glad we both prefer instant coffee!
I buy cheap (< $6), easy to use coffee makers at the thrift store. As few functions as possible. So far, we’re on number 2 in 15 years. This one came with an automatic timer which my husband totally distained because it meant setting another clock and resetting it for and against daylight savings. Then one morning when I was in the kitchen and he was downstairs, I was totally surprised to hear the coffee maker start up (he set it up the night before). Turns out he thinks the automatic thingy was pretty nifty after all. Not sure what I’ll do when this one dies — he’ll pout if I can’t find another one with a timer.
one word: Keurig
One word…Keurig. It has changed our lives – fast perfect coffee anytime. No variability, no grounds, no measuring. You do need to add water but you don’t have to measure that either. Its not cheap but it’s totally worth it.
Your Joe, a non-coffee drinker, makes your coffee each morning? He is a keeper, even if the coffee is sub-par.
You need a Kurieg coffee brewer. It saved my sanity and my marriage. Pop in a K-cup of Kona and I go from crazy eyed wild-woman – to somewhat gentle sane woman (still with mad hair, that’s just nature’s cruel trick.) You can also grind your own own and use the My K-cup filter for your own favorite coffee. I’m telling we have had three years of peace now because of this machine. And it happens withing 60 seconds. Give a listen!
… and this is why I have a single-cup “pod” brewer. Well, that and the fact my husband doesn’t drink coffee. You can even put the pod in the night before, and put your cup under it, so all you have to do in the morning is hit the power, wait for the steamy noises, and hit the ‘brew me some damned coffee’ button.
In fact, I need to get it out of storage since coffee at work is … pretty bad. (Free, but pretty bad.)
Keurig. One perfect cup at a time. Can be programmed to turn itself on and off at specific times of the day. Coffee costs a bit more, but worth every penny.
Can you buy the basic coffee maker with a timer? You grind the beans, set up the maker (complete with filter, water, coffee, & carafe), you set the timer, Joe pours you a cup as you’re coming downstairs each morning? Good luck.
It gets even more entertaining if you add roasting coffee to that equation. Phrases like “under-roasted coffee, coffee undrinkable…over-roasted coffee, set off smoke alarm, thereby eliminating the need for coffee since your heart is now racing after running around the house with a kitchen towel in a futile attempt to get the alarms to stop…”
To add to Sarah S.’s suggestion, you can set up the coffee maker the night before and put a timer switch on it to turn on at a specific time (just like timer switches you use to turn lamps on and off when you’re on vacation). These are available at any home supply store (Lowes, Home Depot, etc.).
The other option is the one we’ve gone for. We have had a single cup coffee maker for years now (first Senseo, now Keurig). You turn it on, pop in a coffee pod, and press the lit coffee button when your cup is in place. The Keurig has a few features you might appreciate: it won’t run if there isn’t enough water, it turns off automatically after a period of non-use, and it won’t run unless you open up the coffee part to pop in a K-cup. It also warms up quickly (about 60 seconds).
We pull out the bigger coffee maker when we have company, but the above is fine if you only have 2-3 coffee drinkers.
My work just got one of the keureg coffee makers with the small pre-filled cups. The coffee maker seems to know when all pieces are in place and then lets you brew the coffee. There’s a large see-thru reservoir to let you know if enough water is inside. You can also fill it with your own coffee blend, but that is more frought with danger. Good luck!
Why not just buy ground coffee? Taste preference?
One word – Keurig – turn on, pop in premeasured, sealed fool proof cup – press button – coffee!!!
I second (and third) the Keurig. I have one at home AND at work. 🙂
You can significantly mitigate the un-environmental-friendliness of it by pulling the tinfoil top off your used pod, putting grounds and paper filter in the compost and recycling the plastic cup. You are left with approximately 1.5 square inches of crappy used tinfoil to throw away. Really quick to do too – takes me less time to empty the pod than brew a new cup.
What is this Keurig everyone is referring to? I like toddy coffee (no, it does not mean alcohol, unless you want it to)
http://www.toddycafe.com/
Slow brew, so very low acid content. My tummy is much happier with that!
Starbucks VIA – for when you need to drink coffee to make coffee 🙂
Starbucks VIA – one packet + Hot Water = coffee happiness! No mess, and all you have to do is boil water!
Love your blog!
very happy that i am not alone. i need the coffee to make halfway decent coffee — it’s why i use those lame latte mixes at home. i can’t handle making anything else. office has a keurig. that may be a reason why i’ve not quit and they’ve not fired me. trying to get one in the house, but i’m sure i’ll mess it up. it’s a very difficult dilemma.
Why don’t you set it up on a timer before you go to bed? Just a thought.
lol, good story.
I am not a coffee drinker; I prefer tea. But my husband loves coffee. And being a tea drinker I have never got the hang of making coffee. So I bought him a Keurig (http://www.keurig.com/)
It is wonderful! He pops in a k-cup and has a fresh cup of coffee in a minute. So every cup is fresh and you don’t have a long wait. Check it out.
And I can even brew a cup of tea that doesn’t taste or smell like coffee!!
1. Instant coffee
2. Figure out the timer
3. Prepare it the night before when you really are awake and paying attention. And use the timer.
4. Fire Joe and make it yourself while he feeds the cat.(Hard to mess that one up).
Coffee is a necessity. You really can’t afford to screw with that habit at 7 am.
Keurig. Get a Keruig. I hate having to dispose of the little K-cups, but it has been a life saver at our house. I even have my 7 year old trained to make me a cup of coffee! (Ok, she can’t knit yet, we’ve kind of given up, but she can make coffee. )
Coffee Syrup exists (and Coffee Milk made with it happens to be the state drink of Rhode Island…we’re weird like that). 🙂
http://www.autocrat.com/cart/index.cfm?ac=ShowProducts&CatID=550&SetCat=1
I solved the morning coffee making problem by making the coffee the night before, but before I get to tired. The first person downstairs is responsible for pressing the on button and is rewarded by fresh coffee when they are out of the shower. It hasn’t completley solved the coffee making disasters, but it has reduced them significantly.
My deepest sympathies to your husband. He seems to be about like me in the morning. I wrecked several coffee-machines: Coffee without water, coffee without coffee, coffee into carafe instead of filter, water into carafe instead of water tank, even milk into carafe lets the thing live on. But milk into watertank kills it as certainly as coffee plus water in the watertank does. Not once, I did this three times until I realized that any sort of coffee machine is beyond me.
My solution: those Danish coffee makers (e.g. by Bodum): Put ground coffee into the glass carafe, pour hot water into it, get the cover and press the coffee sludge down. That’s it, no messing around with filters and water tanks and all that sort of electric contraptions. I love it, five minutes and I have everything I need for the start of the day.
here’s the perfect solution, and what we do for weekends. We have a kitchen aid coffee maker/burr grinder all in one.
Before going to bed, fill the beans int he top compartment (this holds enough for 3-4 pots of coffe so does not need done every day), clean basket of coffee grounds out, fill tank with water. Press timer button to make at 7am.
Coffee will auto brew 🙂 Problem solved!
My DH lovingly makes me coffee so that it is ready in the morning, only he makes it at night and the coffee pot is on a timer so it is ready when I get up. I suggest that maybe in your case, making yourself the night before might be the best solution. I agree, morning without coffee is a bad thing
My dearly departed husband had dementia yet he could still brew very tasty coffee. Come on, Joe, get with the program.
For goodness’ sake, don’t get a Keurig. What would the blog look like: “Had coffee without incident. End.” Much as I admire all the good souls trying to help Joe, the grizzled veterans around here recognize that his true role is only peripherally to make coffee; his primary role is to provide blog fodder.
Well played, Joe.
Oh, you poor guys. At least he tries? Really, really hard from what it sounds like.
Hysterical! I’m so sorry for you and Joe. I don’t drink coffee, but I empathize!
After our first baby was born, husband put the coffee pot in the bedroom, and loaded it up the night before. Every morning, I would stagger to the crib, get the baby, stagger back to bed. And there would be coffee while nursing, which made the whole business survivable.
I think you need to explore more ‘load-the-night-before’ options.
Joe and I are twins of different mothers. My husband wins the patient husband award for not throwing raging fits when he wakes upmto a coffee flood. Although one day when I forgot the carafe he wondered if I needed to see a dr.
It’s a lot harder than they think, Joe! I’m on your side!
I’m presuming that there is a word missing from the first line of this delightful story . . . it definitely says something about our collective love affair with coffee that no one else has yet commented on it. I’m with JL at 5:12, I’ve never developed a taste for coffee. Expensive, frothy, sweetened, flavoured, espresso-based beverages, yes, but not plain coffee.
I know your pain. I solved this by getting a very simple machine and setting it up while making dinner (because usually I’m done drinking coffee by then if its not Christmas) and the only instructions I give my bf is to click the on button
Get the Keurig single serving coffee system. Easy Peasy. Little cuplets of grounds (they have tea, too). Just add the water. Totally sleepy brain-proof.
I’m so sorry. If it helps, I both make and drink the coffee at our house and I’ve screwed it up almost that many ways. My husband does it right but rarely. Alas.
My husband is thinking about getting his own crochet hook as that it the go-to tool for fixing the taps in our tub. It’s an old tub so this happens more frequently than you think.
Joe- I’m right there with you. Don’t you just love the grumbles we get from our caffine addicted spouses when we get up and fail to properly fix a pot of coffee that we won’t be drinking? My DH continually changes the amount of coffee he wants me to put into the percolator because its a different brand and therefore a different strength. I think I’m going to buy him a timer for his birthday so he can set it up himself (he likes this pot, which doesn’t have a timer, so I think I can plug it into one of those timers you use to turn the lights on and off when on vacation)
You’re making this way too complicated. My husband is blind and in a wheelchair and can make great coffee by doing the following: 1) Fill a sauce pan with water. 2) Bring to a boil on the stove. 3) Turn off burner. 4) Add 1/2 cup of ground coffee 5) Stir and wait a bit. 6) Pour into cups through a strainer.
Perhaps you should cold brew some concentrate so the first cup of the day is hot water and enough concentrate to make it drinkable.
The french press idea is good for you. Brew it then pour it into a thermal carafe so it stays hot. (Heat cups with hot water)
I’m so dependent on my coffee maker with the timer that when the timer started acting up, I replaced the whole thing even though the brewing function was fine. Set up the night before, wake up to the smell of coffee, get a cup and drink it in bed before attempting else. This is my system.
I’m one of those “get the coffee maker ready the night before” people. There’s nothing like waking up to the coffe smell and the delightful burbling sounds of the machine doing its thing while you’re still lying in bed, if the machine has the delay brew setting, and if you know how to set it. I know how; hubby doesn’t. So if we want first-thing-in-the-morning coffee, I have to program it the night before. Other than that lack of coffee maker know-how, hub has never wrecked the coffee or ruined a machine. He makes good coffee, and usually has a cup ready for me when I come home from work. So, no complaints here!
lol oh dear. Why don’t you switch to French Press coffee? If you do it cold press, you can make it the night before (of course, this only works if you like things like iced coffee).
Otherwise, this one’ll be hard to fudge up. Add grounds, boil water, add water, stir, put lid on (but don’t push down the plunger). When coffee’s sat for about 5-8 minutes or so, push plunger, pour coffee.
commiserations. i fortunately married the coffee making king after a personal caffiene addiction of 20 years…unfortunately i lost the taste for coffee after having a child…
Would it not be cheaper, easier & more conducive to your sanity to just have your local coffee shop just deliver your coffee to you each morning?
I suppose instant coffee is out of the question? How about just a cup for Joe so he can make a proper pot afterwards?
This post made me laugh out loud-thanks Stephanie!
My boyfriend dreams of having one of those fancy coffee makers with an LED screen (He lives for LEDs) and fancy buttons and I swear he’d make it underlit if I’d let him. (He tried that with the bread machine). I told him that when our cheap old faithful died, then sure. I think he’s trying to kill it by leaving the old grinds in ALL THE TIME. Also, mould. Or maybe he’s really that forgetful…
That is why one must have a back up: Cold Brewed Coffee- solution can stay in the fridge for a week -just add hot water. It doesn’t have the bite of drip or pressed coffee, but it does have the caffeine. *grin* One cup from the microwave, and the rest from the drip coffee machine.
(And you just need a coffee, water, juice pitcher, tea strainer, and an empty water bottle to make the brew. And lots of time to sit and steep, its ok to forget it for a day.)
I think I have the same coffee maker as the one you’re describing. There’s a lot of steps to making decent coffee. Clean the thing out and pour the water in the night before is all I can suggest, then either use the built in timer, or simply push the on button in the morning. We’ve had more than one coffee debacle at our house, too.
You need the world’s simplest coffee maker, like a Mr. Coffee. The carafes can be replced, and otherwise, it is very simple.
I feel you pain! #6 seems especially bad to me for some reason. Hope your coffee situation gets better!
FYI – Coffee syrup is a great Rhode Island tradition, and it’s awesome on ice cream.
Keurig machines are awesome! They have them Bed, Bath & Beyond, Macy’s, even Costco. Lots of flavors, and also tea. Try it, Steph. You’ll like it.
I wondered if anyone would suggest the Keurig, so I did a quick search here and… I see that many have.
I will not re-iterate the pros and cons of the thing — others have before me here. I will just say: It’s the best thing to happen to my kitchen in a verrrry long time.
(Loved this comment: “For goodness’ sake, don’t get a Keurig. What would the blog look like: ‘Had coffee without incident. End.'” True!)
You need a Tassimo machine. Little pods, put them in and press a button, perfect coffee comes out.
(and though it might seem environmentally unfriendly, in the UK you can return the old pods and packaging to the manufacturers, and they will recycle them and make a donation to a charity of your choice)
Poor Joe is correct. He needs coffee to make coffee. I prepare the coffee maker the night before then all my loving husband needs to do is flip the switch!
I am blessed with a coffee-making husband too. Such a wonderful trait in a spouse!
Anyway: our coffeemaker of choice is a Chemex. It’s absolutely simple:
Put paper filter in.
Put coffee in filter.
Boil water.
Pour hot water into coffee in filter. It will drip through, you’ll have perfect coffee.
The best coffee, IMNSHO, is made by the simplest method: Melitta.
Thanks for the laugh, I think, tho some of it strikes awfully close to home!
We can’t manage to SET the timer the night before, but we can manage to pre-wash and fill with beans & water, etc. In the morning, one of us stumbles down and pushes “ON”. Takes less thought that way.
Just don’t ask me how many times I’ve filled it all up at 10 PM and accidentally started it brewing….
is this perhaps Joe’s passive-aggressive little way of getting out of making coffee forever? just a thought…
Thank goodness for posts like these.
He’s fired! OR, this is what I suspect happens with my husband sometimes, he’s screwing it up on purpose so you will decide to make the coffee yourself from now on. So… what’s next? Fire him or just get a new coffee pot?
Maybe you can hire a coffee-making employee! He shows up at 6:45 and lets himself in and has your coffee ready b y 7:00 and bounces. Simple — if he screws up the coffee he doesn’t get paid! It’ll be in his best interest to get it right. : )
Kelly @ Creating a Family Home
Perhaps there’s a coffee delivery company in Toronto???
I realize you said the fight with the timer wasn’t worth it, but I think it might be time to try again. Perhaps ask a friend who’s good with electronics to set it up for you the first time. Once set, all you should have to do is prep it the night before and hit a button to have coffee waiting when you both wake.
Or, if they can deliver veggies to your door on a regular basis, can someone deliver a Thermos of coffee to your door each morning? Milkmen made such rounds for years. Surely it’s time for the tradition to be updated for contemporary society!
I meant the old fashioned Melitta cone that just drips through, nothing electric or fancy. It works like the Chemex, I think, based upon Darice’s description. You can get multi-capacity pots and cones, or just a single cup cone that drips right into the cup.
Wow! I had no idea that there were so many ways to screw up the coffee making process!!
I planned to suggest the Keurig, as I love mine but I see it has made the suggestion lots of times. Good luck.
I am not a coffee drinker, but when I was a kid, my step-dad had to get up early so he could go to the fire station. I got up just a little earlier than him to get ready for school so I made his coffee (and my tea. Really, tea makes everything better. That and pie). The night before, I would grind the beans, get everything ready, so all I had to do at 530am was hit a button.
Yep, another vote for Keurig.
But there’s still fun to be had. The drip tray attached to the machine will hold exactly 1 cup of coffee when you forget to put the cup under the spout. I know, I’ve done it more than once.
Oh! I think my dad got this very same coffee maker for Christmas a few years ago, and I couldn’t use it either! I’m relieved to hear that it isn’t just me. We’ve actually upgraded to the superautomatic machine that holds water and beans, and you just press the button to make a single cup of coffee. It was ridiculously expensive, but so very worth it…we justified the expense when my daughter was born, thinking that we could hold a baby in one hand and press the button with the other. Best purchase ever!
Oh god, coffee makers sound so complicated. I’ve never had one and now I think I never want to have one! Here in Israel most people use granulated coffee and boil the water in an electric kettle, a practice I’ve heard is not very common in North America.
This makes me feel so much better about any coffee incidents I have had in the past. Had a couple close calls where I forgot to put the carafe back before brewing, But speed averted disaster.
Did have one time where I came back to a carafe of clear water. Was sure I forgot to add coffee. Checked and saw grounds, absolutely dry ground. Water in carafe was not quite cold from siting on the warming plate.
I can relate to needing a cup of coffee before making a pot.
Classic!
One of my childhood memories was learning to make coffee in the *shudder* electric percolator. My parents went through more than a few mornings of undrinkable coffee, but once I mastered the beast, considered that a small price (since I was usually the first out of bed and no real supervision until at least one parental unit was caffeinated).
Come to think of it, it wasn’t long after that I learned to cook, too. Coincidence?
There are a bajillion comments before this one, so I am sure that my suggestion will have been made about 47 times at the very least, but I have had a day where no one was really listening, so hope springs eternal. We have had a couple of the aforementioned coffee floods and my husband seems that he is much like you, and/or Joe. On the other hand I totally stink at making coffee. BUT our coffee maker is on a timer. Hubbo sets it all up *the nite before* (grinds the beans and everything, separate grinder, I am with you on the combo machine) and when I hear it beep in the AM I know to get out of bed. If he forgets to put it on the timer, or if I get up earlier than the 5:30 on the machine, I just come out, turn it to “brew” and wait til enough coffee has brewed to pour a cup (It stops brewing for those 15 seconds the carafe is out) and I am a happy woman.
You might want to look into a machine with a clock timer.
Didn’t you recently buy a washing machine that ought to be able to make coffee? Maybe if you put the coffee maker in it’s presence you might have some luck. I know that is more likely than having an at home teen help you out – I have a couple of teen girls and they only seem to know how to do stuff when they are in someone else’s home.
I envy you your ability to inhale coffee at the moment. Baby #2 is 25 weeks along in utero and has a hatred of coffee that causes nausea everytime it passes my lips. The withdrawl was horrendous.
She like tea though. I’m positive I’m raising another knitter.
As someone who has suffered through more than one coffee emergency, including an impressively explosive javapocalypse from backed up grounds, I have no advice but I do offer my deepest empathy. In recent months, I’ve held up remarkably well through numerous household emergencies, handling assorted crises with equanimity: everything from leaking roofs (and the discovery that our last roofer neglected to apply the required water barrier beneath the shingles, so the wood below is rotting – ugh), to the frozen gas-regulator which deprived us of heat, as well as showers and laundry, on the coldest night of this year and just before I had to leave town for a gig. However, I broke down in tears when our penultimate coffeemaker quietly became a fancy doorstop. I’m now trying to ignore the odd crackling noises coming from its replacement in the most mature way possible: “la la la, I can’t hear you…”
My mom can’t function in the morning until she’s had at least a pot of coffee, even to the point of not being able to make the pot of coffee. She makes her morning coffee when she is cleaning up from dinner the night before so that all she has to do is push the button when she wakes up. I’m not sure how she actually manages to push the button before her morning coffee, but she does. Good luck.
I have trained taught my 4-year-old how to turn the coffee pot on (I prepare everything the night before) because some mornings even having to stumble to the kitchen to press “on” is too much to handle before having coffee in one’s system. Deep down I suspect this is only a marginally better behavior from myself than the parents who ask their kiddos to fetch them alcoholic beverages.
Gee, it sounds like we have the same brand of husband and the same brand of coffeemaker!
Regarding the shawl you want – I see the search results gave you Damask and Batik. These were going to be my suggestions. I haven’t actually had the pleasure of knitting one of kitfig’s patterns but I’m in love with pretty much all of them!
As for the coffee situation, I solve that issue by just drinking Coke. 🙂
I think I’m married to the American Joe, we’ll call him Tom, because, well, that’s his name. He makes the coffee happen for me and he’s a darling for it, but he needs the caffeine first too. As he is not picky about his coffee (will drink cold coffee sitting in the car from the morning- UGH!) and since there is always coffee from yesterday in the pot, he nukes it and drinks that while he makes the fresh coffee that he and I will then enjoy.
If your Joe isn’t picky either this may work for you too. I love love love my not picky husband!
My husband is the lone coffee drinker in the house and prefers a percolator to a drip coffee maker.
As long as there is ground coffee, my daughter (the usual suspect) or I can manage a decent pot for him. I always muck it up if I have to do the grinding…
For me, he goes to Starbucks for hot chocolate.
http://www.keurig.com/canadian-shoppers. this should help. It shows stores in Canada where these brewers are sold. there is hope.
My husband read that our marriage will be better (not that it is bad) if I wake up happy and so he makes my tea and then wakes me up. Yes, I does work! All he has to do is pour boiling water over tea leaves. I clean out the tea pot and filter. I think your system has too many variables and yet is also too automatic so that one assumes everything is working when it might not be. Mellita? French Press and you clean it the night before? Buy ground coffee?
Get a French Press of appropriate size (our pot makes a liter). Figure out the exact ratio of coffee grinds to water that you need to get the intensity of brew that you desire for a full pot. Obtain a measuring cup or scoop that holds exactly that amount of of coffee grinds, and make this your Designated Coffee Grinds Measuring Cup. Conduct this experiment on a Sunday afternoon so you can have a dry run, while you are awake. Ready?
This is what I do every morning of my life:
1. Take the French press out of the dish drying rack (I always wash it the night before).
2. Grind enough coffee to fill the designated Coffee Grinds Measuring Cup.
3. Place grinds into the French press pot.
4. Fill whistling teakettle with water and put it on the stove. Be sure it is a GOOD whistling teakettle with a stout, indestructible, metal whistle that shrieks like a cranky toddler, and not one of those pathetic, sputtering plastic “whistles.”
5. While the water boils, brush and floss your teeth and listen to the morning news. While you listen to the news, thank your lucky stars, or the deity of your choice, for the fact that you live in Canada. Especially if your radio is picking up American news.
6. When the kettle hails you, return to the kitchen and fill the French press with freshly boiled water to the point just beneath where the spout begins. Stir grinds and water with a spoon for full flavor.
7. Insert lid/press contraption so that it sits ON TOP OF the pot. Do not press the screen down yet!
8. Allow to brew for five minutes (use a timer if you must). This may be a good time to comb your hair, get dressed or take a shower, if you are fast with the shower.
9. S-L-O-W-L-Y press plunger down through coffee/grinds mixture until you are firmly pressing against the bottom of the pot (a sudden push could go cockeyed and send errant grinds into the coffee. You don’t want that)
10. Drink delicious, perfect, New Orleans style coffee. If you have no access to French Market coffee, any good French Roast will do.
This (and sometimes an old enamelware drip pot) is how I grew up making coffee. It is the one, true, right and only way. I confess that I strayed in my youth, and at various points in my marriage, and had occasional flings with Electric Coffee Making Devices. Like all flings, these attempts were misguided, and I always returned to the True Faith.
There are no mistakes to make because you are not trusting a machine. You must only boil the water, place the grinds in the pot, add water, set the lid on, let it steep and press the screen down.
If you have a designated container for the grinds, you can’t even make a mistake about the amount of grinds to use, because THAT MUCH — that particular full cup — is the right amount, even if you are half asleep. You also can’t fail to put the coffee in if you’re half asleep, because the pot is made of glass and you can see right away if you have grinds in there or not.
Come. Join the Coffee Jedi.
This is how I make my New Orleans Cafe Du Monde coffee every day (the kind you took a picture of).
I solved a similar problem by rising 20 minutes (or more) before everyone else, making the coffee, and sitting silently in a more or less dark room until the coffee is ready. On the plus side, it makes you appear to be superhuman, and you get to enjoy the lovely smells. on the minus side, you lose 20 minutes of sleep. It’s worth it to me for perfect coffee and no cleanup of mishaps. your millage may differ. And, if you want real coffee, keurig is not an option.
There are very few “luxuries” I vow to never live without. A programmable coffee maker is one of them. I set it up at night and it is ready and waiting for me in the morning. I. Love. It. I set it up at the same time as I’m straightening up the kitchen in the evening.
stephanie, you need a keurig (single-cup coffeemaker) http://www.keurig.com
even i can make coffee before i have coffee in these!
I’m a little late to the party, Rams, but I have to disagree. Steph screwing up is indeed highly entertaining, but I have an enormous amount of sympathy for Joe, just based on what he endures while Steph is being entertaining.
I feel the pain. I’m still must have my caffeine as early as possible when I get up.
I’ve taken to using a trick I learned from a story about my grandmother. When she was pregnant with one of her kids, she got cravings and started eating coffee grounds.
So if I can’t get coffee fast I just eat a few coffee beans. About 5-6 beans is close to a full cup of coffee.
So you can tell Joe to eat a couple beans, wait 10 minutes, and then start making the coffee.
Hey, it works on those days I have to leave really fast and can’t get time to make coffee.
OMG! I also married a musician and I keep reminding myself that the music is way better than any fancy household skills. 🙂
My husband, Bruce, bathes, makes the coffee and delivers it to me about the same time my alarm goes off — all within 15 min of his own alarm going off. When he is out of town, I do something he cannot. I program the coffeemaker to make coffee that will be ready for me to retrieve the minute my alarm goes off. I share your ailment, in other words. Woebetide the person/machine who disrupts the flow of caffeine in my morning!
We’ve gotten around the tired-husband quandry a coupla ways: one is I make extra french press the morning before and put some in for iced coffee in fridge for him to drink whilst making coffee.
It cycles.
The other is to have a stovetop set up night before, he puts it on, then in like 3 minutes does a shot of coffee and makes mine.
There are other ways, but these work most of the time. Unless we run out of grounds.
Teh horrah!
I think you should, maybe, get a jar of instant coffee. For emergencies.
Get a Keurig! Easiest coffeemaker in the world. Turn on, put in pod, press whatever cup size you want. Done. Or if you don’t like pods, you can get a special filter to use regular coffee grounds, but it sounds like maybe you guys each need a pod for your first morning cup. 😉
I am with Joe. One must enjoy coffee before one is able to make a good cup. I myself hate the stuff.
My most memorable experience…I had a perculator and had it set up on one of those timer [remember when we could time our lights to come on and off?]. Well, one morning I heard the perculator perking??? Only, it sounded kinda funny…I forgot to put the lid on the silly thing and had to scrape the coffee grinds off the ceiling!
Now, I have a regular, unexpensive yet programable coffee maker that I set each night prior to going to bed. It is ready for me bright and early!
I’m a fan of the “prep everything the night before” method, and then just having The First Person Awake hit “ON.” Plus, having a laminated How-To sheet that takes into account all the different scenarios. A stovetop coffee pot is a good and simple alternate device too. Hope you get your morning coffee method perfected soon!
I make a cup of instant which I sip while I make the real thing. I knows its silly but it works for me. I am a fan of french press. BUT having broken many of them in an uncaffeinated state, I dont recommend it for the morning challenged. Coffee syrup actually works pretty well in a pinch though.
Have you tried cold-brewed coffee? It is a little fussy, but never fails. One cup coffee grounds, placed in a pitcher. Four cups water, placed in the same pitcher. Stirred well. Left on the counter overnight, or in the refrigerator.
Filter through a sieve, then through a coffee filter into a second pitcher.
A half cup of this concentrate, plus a half cup of water, plus less than a minute in the microwave makes wonderful morning coffee, without the acidity or oils of hot-brewed coffee. It also makes the very based iced coffee in summer, diluted just with ice cubes.
It also tastes like New Orleans.
OMG! I am rolling on the floor laughing so hard I need to go to the bathroom!!!
Because you seemed to wonder at coffee syrup… It is good on ice cream and it makes good coffee milk. It’s kind of a thing here in New England!
http://www.autocrat.com/
Go for the Keurig. Use the pods or get the reusable filter if you want to go green. The beauty of the reusable filter is that you can use pretty much any kind of coffee that you’d like. It’s very easy and you can set the first cup up the night before so it’s ready to go. I’m a tea drinker, but if I’m up first, I get the Keurig going for hubby and he just has to push the brew button when he gets up.
The only potential risk is if you forget to put the mug under the spout. That has happened with hubby on occasion. 🙂
I think the root cause of coffee-brewing errors – and face it, no one’s immune – is that you can’t tell at a glance what’s in the filter basket or water reservoir. Timers don’t solve that, and neither does night-before setup, especially if you’re tired.
I can’t picture you with a Keurig. So here’s a different idea. Whoever drinks the last cup is responsible for emptying the filter basket, dumping out the pot, opening the reservoir cover, and placing the pot on the counter. Thus, each of the actions necessary in the morning – add coffee, add water, wash and replace pot – has a visual trigger. (Well, OK, there’s still the matter of pushing the button, but that’s the least serious of the coffee-brewing errors.)
This idea might need some fine-tuning, but I think Joe was onto something when he talked about doing fewer things. Take away the invisible tasks and watch his success rate skyrocket!
First I laughed and then I wept a little for you!
I am incapable of pouring my own coffee in the morning. My husband takes care of that out of concern for his safety and the safety of the rest of the world.
Once while spending the weekend in a friend’s cottage, her children thought it would be fun to wake me up by jumping onto be. First, my friend freaked ’cause she knows how fierce I am in the morning. I grumbled something and pulled the blankets over my head. About ten minutes later my husband, (bless him,) walked over and told me to “stick out my arm.” A cup of lovely hot coffee magically appeared in my hand and I drank it while remaining under the covers. I love my friend’s children, but my husband may be the only reason why they are still alive.
The day my husband broke the coffee maker, (thankfully a weekend) he stared at me with horror on his face when I appeared in the kitchen. Without saying a word he went to the closest Tim’s and brought me coffee then went back out and bought a new maker.
We can hook up sometime and my husband can give Joe some lessons if you’s like.
That is exactly why I drink tea.Irish Breakfast Tea.In its very own tea bag.If I had to deal with loose tea leaves,they would be all over my kitchen as well.With no cat to clean up the mess.
the keurig that people have mentioned is fantabulous. and for slghtly more effort you can get a reusable filter pod thing that replaces the basket with the stabby prongs used with the k-cups, which means you can make your own coffee or tea. then all you’d have to worry about was proper dosing of ground beans.
I laughed so hard that tears shed from my eyes. My Keurig has saved us from many an accident!
French press – I grind the beans the night before, put them into the press carafe = coffee in the right amount, everytime. In the morning, I fill the electric tea kettle with H20 (I have the kind with an automatic shut-off, because I kill stove-top tea kettles whether they whistle or not). Pour hot water to carafe, wait 4 short minutes – consume caffeinated beverages. Best coffee ever. And the grounds are fabulous for compost. Perhaps you could make a deal with Joe – you can load the french press, all he has to do is boil water. He can do that, right? Right?!
I know you said the timer was a fail, but have you considered setting up the coffee the night before so all Joe has to do is go downstairs and turn it on? That way, you can make sure it is set up correctly and not have to rely on Joe’s somewhat lackluster coffee-making skillz, yet have coffee waiting for you when you get up!
My three year old daughter once asked me in a timid voice “Mommy…have you had your coffee yet?” Oh dear, I hadn’t!!
I am the same way – I NEED my cup first thing in the morning or things don’t go well. I have a one-cup french coffee press that I love, love, love and can’t imagine life without. I highly recommend them! It’s as easy as making yourself a cup of tea and tastes great.
I have a machine with a timer on it. I set it all up before bed, including telling it what time to start and when I get up the coffee is already made.
French press.
It’s delicious with added benefit of whole operation observable through transparent container.
No filter, and it’s easy to swish the grounds into the compost pot.
I don’t drink coffee, but my husband does. He gets up at 4am to go to work, a time when neither of us can sensibly operate any kind of coffe making equipment – drip, french press, Italian stove top espresso maker – we tried them all. Finally, he’s decided to wait until he gets to work for his coffee. Think about that for a moment. A man who cannot function to operate a coffee maker is now driving to work. I’m glad I’m not on the streets.
Sounds like a dirty husband trick to me. Don’t fall for it!
You guys need a Keurig. Seriously. Insert cup, close machine, put mug under spout, press “brew”. Voila. Instant coffee.
You do have to periodically refill the water reservoir, but you could do that before bed, when you’re fully awake, so you don’t have to think about it in the morning.
I bought a keurig so my husband can make the coffee most mornings and if I have to make it I don’t screw it up. They have kona for these things that is wonderful and not too expensive….but stay away from the teas and pumpkin spice stuff that looks good and actually will cause a “crying over your cup” episode.
I haven’t read through all the comments, so my apologies if this has already been said. I love my french press (and Bodum is my personal favourite brand). It’s easy to see if the ground are in there and no coffee foul up is possible, just put boiling water in the glass and push down. It’s pretty hard to mess up boiling water.
Well, we all have our talents, and lack thereof, but, ummmm, maybe you should just take on the coffee-making yourself?
Set the coffee machine up the night before.
(or, as we do sometimes in my family, as soon as you finish the pot, set up the next one- then coffee is never more than 5 minutes away).
Seriously- I get up and just press “on”. It prevents me from slaughtering my canine and feline companions when they wake me up every morning at 6:30.
I love Joe’s excuse lol
What you need is a Tassimo. I want one so badly and soon with enough AeroPlan points it will be mine! And it will be glorious!
I, too, need a cup of coffee before any sensible person should talk to me. This is so important that my husband taught my son to make coffee when he was three (Scoop appropriate number of scoops coffee into the grinder. Let daddy put lid on grinder. Hold down button while counting to 23. Knock-knock on the lid to the grinder. Let daddy put the coffee in the filter, use brush ton remaining coffee in grinder. Let daddy put the rest of the coffee in the filter. Push the button. Watch the coffee maker make coffee. When it is done, get down from the counter, kiss daddy good-bye before he leaves for the office, then go tell mommy “Mommy, coffee’s ready!”) Son grew up, went to college, moved to Oregon. I went to the hardware store, bought a cheapo timer like you use on lamps, set it and plugged the coffee maker into it (cheaper than buying a coffee maker with built in timer) Now I clean up the kitchen after dinner, set up the coffeemaker, flip the switch, and when the alarm clock yells at me the coffee is ready and nobody gets hurt!
I’ll be showing this post to my husband. He doesn’t drink coffee, but occasionally attempts to make it for me, with varying degrees of success.
I’m forbidden to make coffee because she likes the ritual of making it. (some sort of one cup French press thing) I offered to buy her any machine she wanted, but no she likes the ritual. Still I can’t joke or give her grief about ANYTHING until she says “ok I’m awake”.
another vote for set it all up the night before so Joe can just push the button in the morning. Works great here.
It seems unanimous Keurig….and you can buy lovely pods at Greenmountain coffee too!
Thanks, I needed the ab workout! Seriously couldn’t breathe there for a minute.
My man makes the coffee in the morning too. Unfortunately he likes it stewed and bitter in a cafetiere. So that’s how he makes it. If I drink it I am suddenly compelled to try peeling my tongue.
Now I drink painfully expensive but smooth and rich instant coffee. He can’t screw that up. I recommend it.
Purchase an automatic coffee-maker, the sort that starts with a timer, and YOU set it up each night before you go to bed. Just make it “one of those things” you *always* do, kwim? I’m totally incoherent in the mornings pre-caffeine too, but can’t afford an auto set-up, so always use French Press (and prefer taste anyway, it’s BEST imo!!).
Each night I measure out coffee properly and put it into press, put all in fridge; a French press only needs hot water to get it going, and I have a quick-heating electric kettle for that, sooo….! In the morning I stumble into kitchen, turn on kettle, a minute later (often even before I’ve found a banana or suchlike to munch on) pour water into press, set microwave timer (I prefer ten minutes, nice’n’dark but not bitter). Go to bedroom, make bed, get clothes ready for post-shower. Wah-Lah!!! PROPER coffee, no muss, not much fuss!! And the difference in taste from grinding the beans 8 hrs previous rather than immediately then is negligible IMO, and well-worth the overall benefit.
Joe can do HIS part by going and getting you a cuppa and bringing it to you! Good luck…
All of that is why after 30+ years of marriage and the last Mr. Coffee on the planet dying in our presence, we went back to a percolator. AHHHH. I’d forgotten how wonderful coffee could be.
I use to make the hubby’s coffee the night before so all he had to do was hit the button in the morning. Alas I don’t drink coffee, and would put in the wrong amount of coffee. Lovely man said “I don’t know what you are doing to the coffee, and I really do appreciate that you do the coffee thing for me, but I am taking over because it tastes terrible.” He does his coffee the night before and it is setup on an automatic times. I even tried to buy him a new coffee maker when the old one broke. Didn’t like the one I chose, told him he best buy the right one for his needs. I have stepped away from the coffee making. I even did it horribly at work. I don’t do coffee.
Automatic coffee maker with a timer on it is the solution!
You need to google Keurig. Seriously. I wake up, stumble downstairs, put in a K-cup and have coffee within 30 seconds. No fuss, no muss, and nearly impossible to screw up.
We love our Keurig- and we do it environmentally soundly. We have the refillable filter insert for it.
Why don’t you set it up the night before when you don’t need to drink the coffee to make the coffee? 🙂
Cdn. Tire has a $20 coffee maker that makes good coffee and it’s dead simple to use. My husband likes it because it’s called Lancaster (like the British bomber plane).
1. Buy a Keurig and some Black Tiger coffee for it.
or
2. Make it yourself the night before and set a timer.
Keurig may be your answer. You don’t have to buy the K-cups there is a reuseable filter. However considering Joe’s coffee mishaps I think it may be your best bet. I have a lovely son I trained right he makes me coffee every morning.
I think the more “modern” the coffee maker (the appliance, not the husband) the more problems you can have. We have a french press – put the kettle on, dump out press, rinse, put easily measured amount of ground coffee in – take shower – pour boiling water in, steep, press plunger: coffee. Never had a coffee flood, doesn’t break down (if you’re careful with the glass ones), and is easy to operate, even without the user being caffeinated. Also, coffee officianatos all seem to reccommend them. (sorry if that’s all horribly misspelled – I haven’t had my cuppa yet).
I am the only coffee drinker in our house. We have fixed this problem by me getting all of the coffee stuff ready the night before and my husband just pushes the button in the morning when he walks into the kitchen. By the time I am out of the bath, fresh coffee!
My husband makes himself a thermos of coffee the night before and has it on his nightstand with his coffee mug, so he doesn’t even have to leave the bed to be drinking his first cup of coffee. I like my coffee fresh first thing in the morning, so it is all set up the night before and I just have to flip the “on” switch during my first pass through the kitchen.
WOW i don’t think there is a thing that I can say, the descriptions you posted are beyond any comment I could think of so I will leave you with this 1 I will say a prayer to the coffee gods for you and hope for the best for you guys My thoughts are with you in your time of need. lol
Good thing you didn’t marry Joe for his coffee-making skillz…
I have the same problem at home. Although I hate patronizing big cooperations (yes, I’m from San Francisco) and not really a fan of instant coffee. Starbucks has these little individual servings of instant coffee. Starbucks Via, really not that bad for the desperate, very strong, and easy to make in a pinch. LIFE SAVER!!!
I think you just solved my morning crankiness (and the word cranky really is a serious understatement) issue: my husband needs to learn to make coffee.
Have you considered Toddy? It’s basically a very thick coffee that you brew and use as a concentrate. It has the benefit of being made in advance, hopefully later in the day when you are more awake and saved for use in the next several mornings. It has a nice flavor and requires only the addition of hot water or milk, as you prefer. Then perhaps the coffee maker might be awake enough to make a traditional pot if you so desire.
I do understand your position though of needing coffee to make coffee. Twice in one day this week I added the grounds to my mug instead of the coffee press. The first time was funny the second time was simply embarrassing.
I also recommend Keurig and K Cups. Never a bad cup of coffee, never a clogged filter, never a bean to grind. LOVE!!!!!!
We BOTH do all of those things. But we bought this really expensive coffee maker that RECOVERS.
I’m still stuck on how to buy a Wednesday. My husband says that maybe he can get me a Monday, they are cheaper because people don’t want them. I think I need another cup of coffee, while I contemplate that.
Oh, the number of times my husband and I have said those same exact words.
But I think our best coffee maker experience was when, on vacation in Hawaii, I picked up a mug on my way to the full coffee maker, only to see a lizard scurrying across the wall of the cabinet, resulting in me screaming and accidentally throwing the mug, which hit the [again, full, and, might I add, glass] coffee carafe. Result: no coffee or way of making more coffee, coffee flood littered with shards of glass. Plus, this being an island, replacing the carafe is not as easy as going down to your nearest Target.
My husband is the coffee drinker in our house so he was delighted to find Folgers coffee bags – just like tea bags only it’s coffee. He says it tastes like brewed coffee and is very good. It comes in foil packets so it stays fresh. Might be good to have on hand in case of disaster.
So, I’m also a member of the Coffee Jedi, yet I also own a Keurig. Depends on what’s happening as to what I go with in the morning. I prefer the French Press method. But here’s the real deal – a husband that committed to making you coffee is entitled to a LOT of new socks. I’m just sayin’…
Ignore the comments to switch to tea. That’s for when you’re sick or reading a book or something.
A French press or a Keurig is the way to go. French press is more environmentally friendly, Keurig is fewer steps. My hubby refused to learn the coffee maker, but he loves to use the French press. Also, the coffee is stronger and contains the oils, so it is even tastier. I use the Keurig for really busy mornings where there isn’t time to boil water. So I have Main System: French press; Backup System: Keurig.
Oh, the humanity! Bodum makes a THERMAL FRENCH PRESS. Can’t get any less bonehead than that. Boil water, dump it in the press, put the beans in (they’ll scald if you do it the other way around). let sit for 4 minutes, and press. No filters to purchase, easy cleanup. Oh, and you can’t break the stainless thermal press. Cheaper than a new coffee maker. Good luck!
This was the most hysterical post! OMG, you are my twin!
I have similar pre-coffee challenges, and I have a husband who is so coffeemaker challenged that he will drink instant rather than try.
Our system is that I prepare the coffeemaker sometime before I go to bed (usually after I drink the last cup). My husband turns it on when he gets up to let the dogs out.
No stress. The only way it could be better is if Rosco (dog) could turn the pot on before he woke up my husband. Then neither of the humans would have to wait for the coffee pot.
While I was reading this I was thinking I need a point by point rebutal blog entry by Joe. Your last paragraph covered this rather well.
I am not a coffee drinker. I still need caffeine, so I can relate, sort of. I once knew a couple who have a coffee maker they set up the night before on a timer. Thus, both who aren’t morning folks, wake up to the scent of coffee and they also set up the bread maker to finish making bread at the same time in the a.m. They’re better at setting up these devices the night before rather than in the morning before they have had their coffee.
Just a thought.
A few years ago my sister and I stayed at a large hotel with a huge full breakfast included down in their restaurant. On the coffee machine in the hotel room were these wise words “Because sometimes you need a cup of coffee to go downstairs and get a cup of coffee”.
Also, is your cat now all jittery and looking for more grounds to nibble?
Your coffee maker sound like the one we currenlty have, in some ways. It too grinds its own beans. There are seven separate pieces that get washed every day 🙁
I’ve done most of that list, and I also once inadvertantly ground up a perfectly good paper towel that I had stuffed in the grinder to get out the last drops of cleaning water. (Ground coffee sticks to a wet grinder and doesn’t make it into the filter.)
Me again.
I think you are correct to continue making your coffee from your own ground beans. This is how one of my daughters and my husband make theirs. It started after my daughter found out that pre-ground coffee may have cock roaches ground in with the beans… Grind your own. Loved your post.
Get a Keurig:-) Perfect coffee every time.
KEURIG!!! Works wonders and the tea is great as well. A cup ready in 1 min. My dad can’t own a cell phone but can work the keurig=’foolproof.
All of those scenarios are why we just use a French press.
Another vote for French press or cone filter for individual cups.
Pro for French press: really good coffee, makes more than one cup.
Cons: apparently this way of preparation is bad for your cholesterol
Pro for individual filter: the paper filter apparently filters out the molecule that’s bad for your cholesterol, low tech, hard to mess up, it’s cheap
Cons: only brews one cup at a time, but since it’s cheap, you can get two
I have the answer. No – really. Do you guys have Costco there in Canada??? Costco sells a product call ENERGY CHEWS. They’re chocolate flavoured and they have CAFFEINE in them – 50 mgs each.
Buy some, and keep the jar on the nightstand. When Joe wakes up, he chews a couple of them. This is sufficient caffeine to allow him to be awake enough to successfully operate a coffee maker – and coffee continues to be ready when you awaken. Seriously. This is the answer.
My husband can manage the Melitta system. We use an insulated carafe, a kettle, a Melitta cone, a paper filter and a good brand of German fine ground coffee. He puts the kettle on to boil water, it whistles when the water is boiling. He sets the Melitta cone on top of the open carafe, adds the appropriate number of Melitta spoonfuls of ground coffee. After the kettle whistles, he pours the boiling water over the ground coffee in the filtered cone and voila fresh hot coffee streams into the carafe. Once the coffee stops dripping, he removes the cone, drops the used filter and grounds into the compost bin, puts the lid on the carafe. Coffee is ready! He is really good at making coffee this way. We only bring out the electric coffeemaker when company comes and then I make the coffee. We have to accommodate accomplishments as they are offered.
Have you ever tried Coffee Toddy? It is less acidic than most other ways of making coffee, but it still has all the caffeine. It is a cold water extraction of the coffee which you keep refrigerated until you want to drink it. Heat some water, dump in the cup a shot of the concentrate, top up your cup w/ hot water and voila, you have hot coffee. No muss, no fuss, no bother.
Making the extract takes a few hours, so you do it when you have already have caffeine in you. Put the filter in the bottom of the Toddy Maker, and a plug in the bottom of the maker, measure in coarse ground coffee, fill with water… leave it alone for the 4 to 8 hours [??]it takes to get the extract. Pull the plug as you set the toddy maker over a beaker to catch the concentrate. Pretty low tech. Ask your coffee merchant.
Ewwwwwwwwwww I can’t believe you leave the coffee grinds and dirty pot sitting on the counter overnight.
After the last cup is had, whoever had the last cup, cleans up the grinds and washes out the pot. Nothing fancy at this house, but fresh coffee every morning. I have a plain Mr Coffee. We use to have one with the timer when my husband was on active duty. Pot went off with military precision every morning. Unless the power had gone off during the night.
Buy a Keurig.
Amen, sister.
not sure if anyone mentioned this yet, but fix it the night before and just push the “on” button in the morning. works at our house every night!
This is why I use a plunger LOL
I wouldn’t even know where to start on this one.
I keep a French press in the house in case of coffee maker problems. It is probably more work than I’d like to do every day, but it will provide you with the caffeine that you need in case of an emergency with your primary coffee delivery system.
I love your blog and ama big fan…but please…be grateful you don’t live in Japan.
the timer HAS to be the answer. i know you can do this.
I laughed my way through this entire post. I do believe we have the same coffee maker. The first week we had it I went through the same stuff as your Joe. Yup, I was ready to toss it in the dust bin except it was the most expensive coffee maker I ever owned. So I made a list of things to do before hitting that on button including cleaning that miserable chute. I’m happy to report that for the last three weeks there has been no flood on our kitchen floor and I have figured out the timer…ciao
You really really need a farberware pot. Theyre pricey ($70 or so for a big one) but the joy is that you set it up the night before and literally all you have to do is plug it in first thing in the morning. There are no settings, no gizmos, no switches, no nothing. There is a vessel to hold water, a strainer thingus to hold ground coffee and a plug that attaches to the wall. Theyre as old as time and they never break, never get scrambled, make excellent coffee every time and are DEAD. NUTS. SIMPLE. http://www.amazon.com/Farberware-FCP280-8-Cup-Percolator/dp/B00004R946 Thats the one I have. It was my great aunt’s and I inherited it. Still works perfectly.
I have one reccommendation for your coffee woes…MOUNTAIN DEW!
Have you considered a Keurig? It takes about 10 seconds to select your coffee choice, put it in the maker and drip the results. A little pricey, but well worth the speed and lack of undrinkable leftovers that sit on the burner too long. Plus, the pods come in a large variety of types and flavors, including teas and cocoa.
There are lots of easier ways to make coffee; a good french press is one, cold brewed coffee is our favorite. We’ve been using that system for over 20 years and love it; every cup is like the first cup of a just-brewed pot.
SCKNTTR got it – never mind starting with coffee. Have chocolate in the morning. That’ll get you going enough to make coffee if you still need to.
You could even have hot chocolate.
Maybe you can do what my mom does: (you) get everything set up the night before, then Joe can just push the “on” button in the morning before you get up.
It’s a plan men come up with to mess up so many times that you ask them to stop ‘helping’ you.
This might, just maybe, top the truck-stuck-in-the-alley story.
Nahhhh…that one is a classic. This comes close, though.
If a Keurig is just not green enough for you and Joe, try a “Toddy” – cold drip coffee. 1 shot to a cup of hot water, and the grounds are great for your compost. This is how New Orleans coffee is made – and I use is for iced coffee in the summer.
I’m going to chime in with the suggestion of Keurig too. The waste of good coffee beans on all these mishaps is breaking my heart. Tickling my funny bone, but breaking my heart.
This is a classic post. I was killing myself laughing by No. 7.
Make coffee the night before while lucid. Morning: just push button. Everybody happy!
Ah, Steph! Get a Keurig!! You’ll never regret it!!
That’s some serious coffee impairment. I kill about a coffeemaker a year – witness to my poor coffeemaker cleaning skills. We have some seriously hard water where I live. By the time I run descaler through the darn thing, it clogs everything up and presto, dead coffeemaker. Then I has the sads. On the upside, if I set the coffeemaker up on Christmas morning the daughter will turn it on and make me a cup before presents. Sadly, she doesn’t rise before me any other day of the year. *sniff* I need someone to make me a morning-rise coffee.
Ah, the ole’ catch-22 of coffee. Only possible solution: train the cat to make coffee.
Can I join the crowds suggesting a French press? Not as much opportunity for things to go wrong, and you can get an unbreakable one.
And, seriously, you’re drinking enough coffee that you get have your beans ground for you.
I have to take Joe’s side on this one. No one should ever be expected to do anything pre-caffeine. Perhaps one of those machines that you could set the night before when everyone is fully caffeinated might be a blessing to your marriage.
P.S. I used to have a cat who would lose her poor little tiny cat mind over coffee grinds. Wet or dry, she would not only eat them, she would roll in them. And then race around the house for hours.
Hubby-to-be and I laughed and laughed. HtB feels sorry for Joe. As the coffee maker, I appreciate the efforts but agree that it is time for you to take over. One option – prep everything the night before so the only thing Joe has to do is hit the on button. It’s the only way I made it when decreasing my coffee intake from always to mornings.
Hugs from one coffee lover to another.
Kerig is the most wonderful coffee maker there is. Instant gratification along with not only coffee,tea,hot chocolate. No grounds to deal with and you will have coffee before you can cast on.
Maxwellhouse makes a coffee bag…like a teabag but way moe better! No messing about and It’s coffee BEFORE the coffee…as Joe said…
TADAH!
Has saved our marriage from the no coffee
B-Monster!!!
Joe’s line is effin’ priceless. I love it! Can I use it? 😀
Time to get a Keurig. Seriously, this thing saved our marriage.
I dunno… makes sense to me. 🙂
I’m delighted by the irony that Joe is having coffee making difficulties, when his very name is a nickname for coffee. This whole thing thus seems fated somehow….
Somebody has probably already said this, but on the off chance they haven’t…here goes. How about YOU set up the coffee maker at night, so all he has to do is turn it on in the morning. Result? YOU GET AWESOME COFFEE and he can drink some before someone gets hurt! XD
Um, I hate to point this out, but it would appear to me there’s a bit of a pattern here you might be able to help with.
What if you (or he) cleaned out the old grounds after using the coffeemaker some time during the day? It sounds to me like figuring out how to actually clean out yesterday’s stuff on top of figuring out how to make coffee in the morning is just a wee bit too much to ask.
I will admit we use the Filtron cold brew coffee maker system in our house. We make coffee about once every two weeks, and in the morning we boil some water and mix it with some coffee concentrate. It makes an incredibly mild coffee even out of the strongest beans, and it’s really easy to do before your first cup. If you’re interested: http://www.filtron.com
Best of luck, whatever you choose!
French Press! The only way to go!
I love my French Press as it is metal, not glass. I can’t break it and it has double-wall insulation. But, a programmable coffee maker means coffee is ready when you wake. Bonus for the French Press: you can knit it a cover!
Our solution is the Jura Capressa Z7. They’re expensive, but worth every penny. It tells you when it’s out of beans, it tells you when it needs the grounds emptied, it grinds the beans, and it makes the most delicious coffee at the push of a button. I am not at my best in the morning (to put it mildly), and I make the coffee while semi-zombified.
I loved the last line. I laughed out loud for several minutes.
Its a French Press, electric tea kettle, and thermos for me. You can easily see your day old grinds in the French Press and there is NO FILTER. Of course you have to remember to turn the tea kettle on.
Have you thought about a French Press and a Japanese Hot Pot to heat the water? It works great in our house. Everyone has their own French Press and makes the coffee as strong or weak as they want it. It only takes 4 minutes to brew. The Japanese Hot Pot keeps water hot (three different heat levels available) and can be also used for hot chocolate, tea, noodle soup, etc. They are available for purchase in Asian grocery stores and are about $125 US.
I know it probably isn’t to your taste, but could you keep a bottle of instant coffee on hand for those difficult days? If you try it, there are some on the market that are okay for an emergency. :o)
My wife left this post on the screen, and I have to speak up, as she too expects coffee presented to her upon waking. First, if you can make the coffee better, by all means, get out of bed and do so. Second, a French Press is pretty simple and makes great coffee. Third, I’d like to buy Joe a beer for being such a good sport and not having a fit about this post!
Set up the coffee pot the night before. Water grounds whole bit. Then get up in the morning and hit on switch. If you go out in the evening do it before you leave. Make it a part of the going to bed/locking up ritual. That way there is no thinking in the morning. It got me through three years of the army with only being late once and I am not a morning person.
I just heard, like, six different ways to make coffee. Knitters’ love for The Harlot and The Bean appear to be equally passionate, causing us all to offer up our greatest coffee wisdom to you in your time of decaffeinated need. Once you’ve gotten enough caffeine to read this far down in the comments from one of the OTHER knitters’ methods, you can try mine. Ooooh! That would be fun, to try everyone’s methods and see if there just happens to be one that Joe really jives with and gets you your coffee in a timely manner.
My vote is pour over. There’s a ceramic funnel that sits on your cup, a paper filter within, you put in grounds and pour hot water over it. Like making cup-of-soup. And from what I hear from fancy coffee hipsters, it is the best and most magical way to do it, very smooth and delicious. There is supposed to be some kind of technique to it, but I have no idea what I am doing and haven’t been able to mess it up yet.
Pros: CHEAP. The funnel costs about US $20, and the filters are a few pennies a piece. It feels very nice not to contribute to the ridiculously inflated luxury coffee maker/espresso machine market.
Very simple. I would argue THE MOST SIMPLE. There! I said it! It is the most simple way to make coffee.
Always works. Just have to measure coffee, but you could easily set up the cups with the filters with the grounds in them the night before. Get a clear one if you worry about accidentally over-filling the cup.
Cons: If you don’t have a clear one, you might over-fill the cup. I am guessing that this is why they invented the clear kind.
People will accuse you of being a “coffee snob” with your fancy pour-overs. You will just shake your head and say “Cup-of-soup…” pityingly under your breath.
Is my comment as long as that knitter talking about New Orleans French Press coffee? She painted a picture with words.
Yep, same coffee maker we have. Love it, but we have made ALL of those messes, including leaving the paper towel wadded in the slot the beans travel through after being ground (on their way to the filter basket). The problem with all the comments about using a timer or setting it up the night before is that these mistakes can be made at anytime of day. (They is not solely based on a lack of caffeine.) With a timer, I have entered the kitchen in the morning, thinking I was getting a great, fresh cup of coffee, only to find the same mess on the counter, dripping onto the flooded floor, with a carafe partially filled with weak, gritty coffee flavored water.
And yet, when our first machine died, I bought the same one over again! Go figure….
LMAO!!! I am reading this close to where my baby is sleeping and my sides hurt from holding my laughter in so hard! Oh my gosh, Joe reminds me SOOO much of my husband Bryan! We don’t drink coffee (hard to imagine, I know), but this kind of scatterbrained, head in the clouds, mess up or forget the same thing over and over again thing is just exactly like something he would do!! Oh my gosh, that’s too hilarious. 🙂
Well, we don’t have that problem at our house. At our house we break the coffee pot, we both have broken at least two a piece. However, I could see and smell and taste (yukyukyuk) that weak coffee-scented water. That is the most sad thing ever.
We have a similar, if reversed system in our house. I think I have the process down–the correct amount of beans, ground for eight seconds so that they’re the right…grind? Consistency? Boil the water, remove from burner, pour water for my tea first so that the water temperature comes down a little (I’m told that a full boil is not ideal for perfect coffee). Swirl coffee/water mixture in the french press for thirty seconds, put the timer on for four minutes (not an easy thing to remember in the morning).
See? I think I’ve got it. The only thing that drives me around the bend is that, since I do the dishes, I keep breaking the flipping glass. I think the count is at 13 or 14 over the past 16 years. Twenty-five dollars each to replace. I don’t want to do the math. The part that really rots my socks is that I don’t drink coffee.
I think you might consider buying one with an automatic timer. You set it before you go to bed and it grinds (or drips) you a lovely pot of caffeine at whatever time you choose. Not overly expensive and could take Joe right out of the mix without sacrificing your morning java. 🙂
We also do the cone over a thermal carafe, but have an old grinder mounted on the wall and grind twice as much beans and fill the cone twice. Requires no counter space or wall outlet.
The best part is that DH makes and delivers it. I swear that I can smell the beans being ground.
Dear Harlot-
I do believe I have just laughed so loud that I woke up the family…… they hate my coffee drinking ways and threaten me with “Doctor Bob says not Coffee.” Thank you for one of the best belly laughs I have had in years. At long last I have found my tribe, but behold they are not from Yarnia but, Caffeinaria. Who knew?
How funny that some commenters suggest tea because it’s easier…OK, easier maybe, but definitely possible to mess up, especially in the morning. Ask Me How I Know. (Hints: If there are no tea leaves in there, the tea will be very very weak. And cold water does not hot tea make unless you boil it.)
/not a morning person
Okay, I’m with you on the timer thing (I never know exactly what time I will get up)..so I just get everything ready the night before and then come down and plug it in. Still takes a few minutes but at least it’s drinkable. Good luck.
My husband and I have exactly the same set-up in the mornings owing to my complete inability to function on anything resembling a human level without coffee in my system.
We even have baths too. Our shower broke ages ago and we liked the bath routine so much better we never got it fixed. Also because we share the bath water (it’s not gross it’s good for the environment!) we use the same amount of water that we used to use when I had to shower before I had coffee and I just sat there in a daze until I remembered I was meant to be washing.
Our coffee maker problems have also been many and varied- and he even drinks the stuff too.
In the end we ditched all the different coffee makers we had tried (they all ended up broken anyway) and went to a simple yet effective solution.
All you need is 4 things: Coffee beans, bean grinder, cafetiere (french press), and kettle.
It’s so much harder to mess up and it might be a bit slower but it’s reaaaalllly hard to break a cafetiere unless you drop it.
Good luck! I know I wouldn’t want to have to change my morning system…I need that coffee!
I have 5 words for you Stephanie:
Buy really good instant coffee.
Very intelligent husband (VIH) makes coffee the night before, sets timer, goes to bed and sleeps in while wife get morning coffee. Thus VIH never sees wife pre-caffeine. Wife never has to make coffee.
(Timer thing works because wife gets up same time every day for diabetic dog. Caffeine is a requirement before filling that teeny leetle syringe with microscopic numbers on the side.)
that’s one of the saddest stories I’ve ever read. i read it while i was drinking my coffee that i’d prepared the night before so that when i stumble to the kitchen at 5 a.m. i can simply push a bright red button. using the timer is when the scary stuff happens, like flooding the kitchen with coffee or making a beautifully hot carafe of hot water because i forgot to dump the ground coffee into the filter. i like the last comment: “thus vih never sees wife pre-caffeine.”
I agree with Joe. How can a person be expected to operate machinery without first being caffinated?
Keurig!! The only coffee flood I’ve had with it is when I put my mug on upside down. It wasnt a flat bottom cup either, so it looked as if the mug was full and that the machine hadn’t quit brewing. Then I looked closer and thought….you idiot, you put the mug on upside down!
buy a Nespresso… totally worth it!
And I thought my husband was a bit of a flake at making coffee! Poor Joe, at least he’s persevered with it. I think my husband would agree with Joe, he’s not a coffee drinker either.
you are a serious keurig candidate. coffee instantly any time you want it. period. pick the strength, the kind. everyone gets what they want. and even though it’s a bit more expensive (maybe), there is no waste at all! love my keurig.
My mum has one cup filter coffees that are all ready for you. All you need do is add boiling water and wait for it to work its magic. Perhaps these might be useful for the first thing in the morning coffee that you crave?
I have often wished for my husband to make coffee in the morning.
Now not so much.
Sounds like a business plan in the making for hot coffee delivery in the Toronto area.
It’s been said before, but it cannot be said enough: Keurig–IMHO with Green Mountain Extra Bold Sumatran Reserve. It takes seconds, it’s wonderfully strong and hot. It makes my morning. And, mid-afternoon the Cafe Mocha is to die for. Give it a try; it’s fool proof…
I believe that you bought the same one that we did! And we did have to send one back (!) and get a new one. Because we had the same problems.
New method:
Keep a brush near the pot and brush out those tricky parts every time we add beans and
Set it for one more #of cups setting than we add water (for super strength) and
Get it set up the night before and just start it in the morning. While we may lose something in water freshness, we have pretty eliminated operator error.
There are some things to be said for instant coffee and simplicity is one of them.
However, being British, I suggest buying a teapot.
Heat water in kettle. Put tea leaves (or bag if you must) in pot. Add BOILING water. Leave to stand for a few minutes.
Put milk in cup. Add tea from pot. Drink and relax.
Less to go wrong, and you won’t destroy the teapot if you make a mistake.
(there are finer details of warming pots, teacosies etc. but we save those for higher skill levels than Joe)
Get a cafetiere, my dear (I believe Americans call them a French press, I don’t know what Canadians call them). Heat water in kettle, put grounds in cafetiere, pour water in, put press in, pour coffee.
We actually use a Moka (Italian stove-top expresso maker) which can be adjusted for americanos (more water), and makes the best coffee I have ever tasted, but as we have managed to forget water (melts seal = bad),and forget coffee (not so bad, just cleans out Moka), it might not be suitable for Joe, however entertaining he is to the rest of us.
My husband just learned how to operate the coffeemaker. It only really has one button to push, although it will do lots of different things. We’ve only had this coffee maker for a couple of years. He’s challenging himself to learn to run the kitchen. I commend him on it whenever I can.
His son, however, filled the grounds into the water filter (not the coffee filter). Result was coffee grounds and flood all over the kitchen, and a ruined filter and no coffee. Maybe he was switched at birth in the hospital–
As for me, I can usually get up, turn on the machine without incident, even with my eyes closed (and they sometimes are). Best case scenario–instant coffee. Works EVERY time.
Keurig. Thanks to it my husband is still alive.
I only have one word for you – Keurig! If they sell them in Canada get one. You can purchase a basket that will allow you to brew your own ground coffee in it and at one cup at a time you always have a fresh cup. My hubby and I cannot live without it. And it only takes two minutes!
Toddy coffee. You make a concentrate ahead, then just add hot water when you want to drink it. But I’ve never done this.
http://www.toddycafe.com/shop/?gclid=COenz9jQ6acCFcW5Kgod0Viobw
There are also the Keurig machines. We have one but almost always use the MyCup thingy that you fill with your own ground coffee, rather than the throw-away K-cups. I just ordered a Solofill for it, which seems even better. (Google what you don’t understand.)
My long-ago babysitter used to love to make bread with her bread machine. Only one time she filled it up without the paddle in the bottom. So she dumped the ingredients and promptly did the exact same thing. When I told her since she wasn’t using the timer and was going to start it right away that she should have just dumped it into a bowl and then poured it all back, she was astonished.
Oh, and I grind batches of beans for the Keurig, usually a weeks worth on the weekend because I won’t mess with it in the morning.
OK, I haven’t read ALL the comments, so someone may have already suggested this, but have you tried the following: One of you (perhaps you, if you’re less inclined to screw it up) gets everything ready (rinse/wash whatever needs rinsing/washing, grind the beans, add the beans, fill up the water tank, replace the carafe, etc.) the night *before.* That way, the only thing that needs to be done in the morning is to press the go button. Surely even the most bleary-eyed, uncaffeinated, half-asleep person can manage that much.
We have MUCH of the same problems, but it’s me (the wife) who makes the errors. We call it a bootstrap problem – you can’t pull yourself up by the boostraps until you’ve put the boots on – but you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps to get the boots on!
Our solution has been that my husband makes the coffee when he can, and I muddle through otherwise. My best friend even gave me a coffee cup that says “I drink coffee for your protection”, so I sympathize greatly with #9.
I’m with the coffee-Luddites here:
What you want is a simple cone filter holder, and some disposable filters. Grind your beans beforehand (small batches, natch), and keep the raw grounds in the freezer, with a suitable scoop in the container. In the morning: (1) set water a-boil, (2) insert filter, (3) scoop grounds, (4) pour, (5) wait a minute, (6) add milk/sugar and enjoy.
The trickiest bit for you might be finding a big-enough carafe that the holder can perch properly on. Living by myself, I use a “one-cupper” and brew it straight into the mug.
I highly recommend a french press. Put in the grounds, top up with boiling water, wait 5 minutes, press and pour. And the coffee tastes wonderful!
My mother-in-law knew better.
She fixed the coffee pot at night, before she went to bed
Then Pop would just have to turn it on in the morning……………..and the benefit was, he brought her coffee in bed every morning.
Right after my husband and I got married, I tried making him coffee for the first time. I don’t drink coffee, but I’d made it for my parents millions of times. What I didn’t know is that there is a major difference between decaf and regular coffee in terms of strength.
I did what I always did for my parents, and added one scoop of grounds per cup of water, plus one for the pot. And I couldn’t understand why my husband didn’t drink it, and kept gently refusing for an entire year when I offered to start him a pot of coffee. He finally told me what the problem was, and while I now know to use one scoop per every two cups, he still doesn’t trust me to make his coffee very often.
That’s why you need a Keurig. I just got one and now that I’ve set it to come on at a certain time, I have a cup of coffee freshly made in less than 90 seconds. The only thing you can screw up is not putting a new K-cup in and getting really weak coffee, but then you can just take the 90 seconds and brew a new cup!
Do you live near a Starbucks?
I really hope that you have coffee-colored countertops and kitchen floor.
Sounds like my husband, except for the coffee-grinding coffee pot, he has done ALL of these, multiple times! What’s the definition of insanity? I now set up the pot the night before, even if I’m not using the timer, it is set up the night before and all he has to do is hit the power button….unless he doesn’t realize it is set up and pours in more water…..Keurig does sound like the winning solution!
yes… but did he ask you before he used the crochet needle? 😉
Coffee Milk is the official state drink of Rhode Island. We make it using “coffee syrup” blended with milk. I think you just figured out a way to make your own coffee syrup at home. You could start manufacturing your own “Harlot’s Coffee Syrup”.
I love it!
Get a less complicated coffee maker with a timer. Then you control the coffee and it’s ready 30 seconds after you get up. That’s what I do.
My husband says:
so the key to good coffee is: get a well-rehearsed routine happening, then don’t anyone, under pain of death, interrupt! 🙂
Could you perhaps obtain a programmable coffeemaker? One you set up all ready to go the night before that then, magically, at the appointed time grinds the beans and makes the coffee? That way you can set it up the night before and have coffee awaiting you when you get up. 🙂
This is funny and I can sort of relate although I like iced coffee in my hands moments after waking. I generally use mixes, and if there’s nothing available, I’m grumpy and more so, if I need to get dressed and make a coffee run that morning.
Maybe you should try tea? Steps: Make hot water, pour over tea bag.
Or my husband’s favorite morning caffeine infusion method- Diet Pepsi. Steps: Open bottle cap.
What about doing all the prep work the night before (emptying old grounds and coffee, rinsing and replacing carafe, adding water, grinding beans and adding them in filter) so all Joe has to do in the morning is turn it on? Can he do that without already having coffee? (Avoids the timer dilemma, but still makes remarkably little work for the morning.)
This is precisely why it is worth either figuring out the timer, or just setting everything up the night before so all Joe has to do in the morning is push one button.
I had many many incidents of coffee flood or coffee fail. We now make sure that the morning’s coffee is set up while we’re cleaning up the dinner dishes.
Make the effort to learn how the timer works. My husband reloads the coffee maker each evening so that he wakes up to fresh coffee then transfers the rest it to the carafe so I too have fresh coffee waiting…Ahhh
Bless Joe, at least he tries. I agree with previous suggestions re Tassimo, Keurig or programmable. Good luck.
Why don’t you just set the whole thing up the night before and let him turn it on the morning? I know having beans that were ground 8 hours ago isn’t quite as fresh as beans ground 10 minutes ago, but at least you would always have coffee! And if you set it up, no problems, right? You don’t have to mess with the timer, either. (Though I love the timer on my machine. It makes life a lot easier).
I have to say my vote is for the Keurig as well. I feel a slight twinge of guilt about the waste associated with K cups, but it yields a delicious cup of fool proof coffee. Our previous system was whoever got up first would make coffee. That was always me (at 5 am) and then it wouldn’t be fresh by the time dh got up. Plus, he makes much better coffee than I do somehow. Seems easy but his is ALWAYS BETTER. French press sounds like a good idea, but requires some cleanup and therefore caused some bickering around here. The keurig (we named ours Craig) means a fresh cup for each of us!
Don’t know if “new system” means a new plan of attack or a new machine. BUT if it’s a new machine you need… My hubby and I broke down and bought a Nespresso, which is a pod-system, that we love. (Non-disclosure: We are not employees of the company nor are we paid to say this!) You literally look to see if you need to add water, turn it on, drop in the little pod thingy and press a button. And if you forget to add water or turn it on, it just doesn’t work. No pain. It even turns itself off if you forget.
Now, if you just mean a new plan of attack: my parents also have it down to a science. Mom sets it all up the night before with new filter, coffee & water, and Dad presses the button in the morning. You’ll still be doing the work but at least you won’t be doing it pre-caffeine.
You are a couple who needs a a Keurig machine desperately! I guarantee your husband could work it!
Maybe you should just do what I did and switch to single malt scotch. It worked for me.
when our last coffee machine died, we got one with a timer that turned out to be fairly simple to operate — with the added bonus that you’re setting it up for coffee when you’re fully awake the evening before… and you get to wake up to the scent of glorious coffee! It rocks!
I had a simple PC coffee maker, with timer. I’m the only one drinking it in the morning, I make it how I like, etc. The clock didn’t keep time, and it was a 12 cup maker for my one (2 1/2 cup!) mug. So my husband thought I’d like a Tassimo maker. Well. It’s okay, but there are things I miss about my simple, cheap, PC coffe maker. I just wish you could get smaller coffee makers with timers.
And for those of you with a Keurig…you can buy a reusable cup/filter thingy. You can also make one for the Tassimo, but it’s a bit more work and involves silicone….
I think Joe might have a point with the making-coffee-before-coffee thing…
Add my strong vote for a Keurig. Put in pod, hit button. One cup perfect coffee 30 seconds later.
I am unwilling to stake my life on it being foolproof, given your list, though. 🙂
Well, I have to say I sympathize with Joe. We have a “mixed marriage.” I drink coffee, but my husband drinks tea. We have this cool contraption that brews into a travel mug…coffee on one side and tea on the other. Works great IF you do it right! However, if you turn it to “one cup” but put two cups of water in, you have a coffee flood. If you turn it to “two cups” and put one cup of water in, you get two half-cups of coffee syrup and tea syrup. If you forget to put the tea bag in, you get a cup of coffee and a cup of hot water (or tea-scented water, if you forget to take yesterday’s tea bag out).
I’ll bet I’ve cleaned up as many coffee floods as Joe! I’ve learned that if I hear “Mommmm!” from the kitchen before I have my coffee, it usually means I need to mop the floor. (But my excuse is that I haven’t HAD the coffee yet when I’m trying to operate this amazingly convenient contraption.)
You need a Keurig, seriously!!!! At least for that very first quick pick-me-up cup, then after you have started the caffeen flow into your system, THEN attempt the more “complicated” machinery! Although, I have forgotten to put a cup under the dispenser, luckily, the tray holds a full/large cup of liquid, so there really is no mess if you DO forget, just don’t forget 2 times in a row before you empty the “opps reserve”! 🙂
There are tea pods and hot chocolate pods, apple cider pods!! I LOVE my Keurig!!!
KEURIG!
just get one
no waiting
really really good
saves marriages
I suggest a chorreador. It’s a low-tech drip coffee maker from Costa Rica. Many, many options. No paper filter to throw away, no waste at all except the used grounds. Here is one of many links to see what they are like. http://chorreador.com/ I’ve been using one for about 10 years. The base is a gnarled piece of coffee root wood, the fabric bag has to be washed from all the coffee ground oil about once a year (otherwise RINSE ONLY so as to not make soap tasting coffee). I have managed to pour water through the bag with no coffee a couple times, but it is easily rectified. The only down-side. Not really great for multiple cups. But after the first good cup that Joe can make without incident you can make a pot yourself. Good luck!
I think you need to get a coffee press. Grind Coffee, put in press, add boiling water, wait two minutes, press, tada! Coffee 🙂
As a fellow coffee addict…..I feel your pain. Have you considered hiring a Barista from Starbucks?
I drink tea but try one of those new coffee pots that you just put a premeasured container in and out comes all kinds of special coffee. Kurig is the name I think. My coffee drinking friends love it. Or you could get a pot with a timer and set it up yourself the nite before so Joe can’t sabotage it. Then you could both have coffee ready when you wake up and he could deliver yours to you as a reward for setting it up the nite before.
I second the motion on Keurig. Have one, love it and they have good customer service. In the interest of full disclosure, the machines do tend to have performance issues, but they replaced mine lickety split when mine quit, even a month after it was out of warranty.
Otherwise, I vote that you do all the prep the night before so Joe just has to push the button.
Here’s the trick that makes my mornings much smoother: set up the coffee pot the night before. That was the only step that needs to be done in the morning pre-caffeine is turning it on.
You could switch to drip coffee for the first cup, then make a pot later when you’re awake. My darling husband doesn’t drink coffee, and every time he makes it for me, he F’s it up. So, I need something REALLY simple to do in the morning. I love this gadget – the clever coffee dripper (http://www.sweetmarias.com/sweetmarias/coffee-brewers/filtercones/clever-dripper-with-lid.html). It’s a cross between a drip cone & a french press. You put a filter in, grind the beans & add them in, and add hot water. Let it sit a few minutes, sit it over your cup, and it drains right in. Throw out the filter, and you’re done. I know I sound like an ad, but this gadget has transformed my mornings.Yes, you could avoid the waste of a filter with a different method, but having one less thing to clean (and I hate cleaning messy coffee grounds) just simplifies my life.
My friend’s mom starts with a cup of instant coffee, so she can be awake enough to make the actual coffee. You could try that.
Or just set things up the night before- even if you don’t use the timer, all you have to do is switch the thing on.
If the coffee pot grinds coffee, it must have a timer, yes? You could do the whole business the night before and both of you could wake up to the smell of coffee!
OK, I gotta say it, my sympathies lie with Joe. My list of coffee mishaps isn’t much shorter than his.
Tim Horton’s/Dunkin’Donuts/Starbucks will sell you already brewed coffee. Send said husband out in the morning to hunt!
Coffee on a timer. For sure. You can check it the night before in a supervisory capacity. =]
You are not going to like this but I feel that if Joe is doing this as a courtesy then you have no grounds (pardon the pun) to complain. I have first hand knowledge of this since my husband does the cooking at least 4 nights a week. I may not like what he makes but I don’t want to cook those 4 nights either so I eat it without complaint.
Signed
siding with Joe on this one
Coffee tragedies inspire a lot of sympathy comments! Better luck tomorrow morning!
Oh my gosh, my husband has done every single one of those things and I thought I was the only one to go through it. We go through 1-2 new coffee pots a year, and I think the grout in the tile floor where the coffee periodically ends up in the morning is permanently stained a coffee color. I have also had coffee in my dishcloth drawer and pots and pans cabinet as that is what it flower through before it hits the floor. If this were my post I would have add the additional “cleaning up” mess of coffee rags and such with the trail of coffee and grounds from said pot to the laundry room where they await my attention. No, no, he has yet to understand that men too can rinse out yucky rags. My husband is now not allowed within 5 feet of a working coffee pot. It’s just not worth it anymore, I’ll do it myself. Wait a minute, I think he just won. Darn it.
i’m glad i’m not the only one that gets distracted in the moring and occasionally makes undrinkable beverages for my wife. 😉
It’s really the coffee machine’s fault, not Joe’s. We went through several at our small office in the past few years that were all far too finicky for one reason or another (many floods on the counter and MANY sympathetic giggles while reading your post) until we gave up & got a Keurig. At home we actually have a coffee maker that is simple but works perfectly, so learning from the office lesson, I’ve started buying very expensive replacement parts like a new carafe because I don’t dare trust that we’ll ever find another one that we like. (Husband drinks LOTS of coffee so single serving solutions don’t make sense, and we both agree that it’s worth buying good quality preground coffee to simplify things even more.)
I forgot to mention – the one good coffeemaker is of course discontinued now – that’s why we’re buying parts.
My suggestion is a French Press. So many fewer steps. (Though a separate grinder is needed.)
1. Empty pot
2. grind beans, add to pot
3. add hot water
4. push down the thingie, pour cup.
One word: Keurig. It’s great for weekdays mornings when I’m in a hurry.
I need to drag my husband over to read this, so that I can tell him, “See?! It isn’t just me!” I hate our coffeemaker. If I don’t do everything perfectly, it spews coffee all over the countertop. I think it will make a good fencepost decoration for just as long as it will take me to load my husband’s shotgun and blast the stupid thing to smithereens….Tell Joe he’s in good company!
Could it be a plan to escape the coffee making duties in the morning?
My husband does an EXCELLENT job of providing coffee in the morning…but he doesn’t always allow me to get to the coffee before hitting me up with questions like “What are you going to do today?” and “What is for dinner?” And, sometimes this is on weekdays when my day starts before 6 am!!!
Not a morning person, me; while he springs out of bed before the alarm goes off many mornings!
Buy a Grinder, a French Press, and a Tea Pot. It’s fail proof, The coffee is fresher, and it takes less time than a machine.
I have found after managing three coffee shops and working with a variety of coffee makers, the best luck I have had has been with the under $20 variety. They seem to be able to take a beating.
Bless his heart.
Husband and brother suggested that perhaps simplifying this to the bare basics…Percolator.
Get one of those Kuerog or some such name with the little cuplets of coffee. I think they even have a timer.
In my family home when I was teenager, it was one of my jobs to set up the coffee pot for the next morning. (I hated coffee and never drank it). We had an automatic timer to turn the pot on just before my parents woke up. My life was not worth living if i had not probably prepared the coffee pot the evening before! Use that child labor.
Wow. Makes drinking Diet Pepsi for the a.m. caffeine look SO much more reasonable….
I dunno if anyone has mentioned this yet, there were FAAAR to many comments to read through all of them…but this http://www.keurig.com/ might be the solution to your problems:) several people i know at work have them and LOVE them. My boss brough his in a couple of weeks ago to show it off and made everyone coffee. I was totally impressed.
You need a coffee maker with a timer. YOU grind the beans and add the water the night before. It brews by itself at the time set, and HE goes and gets you a cup in the morning. Think it won’t be as good if the water and the ground beans have to sit all night? Well, OK, then just brew enough to get you out of bed and in the coffee-making mood.
I didn’t even try to make coffee before I started to drink it myself, but now I am a major coffee drinker, so I sympathize with both of you.
It really might be worth your while to do the empty-the-carafe, dump-the-old-grounds, fill-the-machine-with-water-and-fresh-filter steps yourself the night before. Sometimes I do this part *for myself* so I can get my coffee faster the next morning with fewer mishaps.
Another vote for a French press. No filter, no chute. Just ground coffee & hot water. A clock nearby is good too, but not absolutely necessary.
Best of luck to you both!
You know, perhaps moving in next to a coffee shop would help. Instead of making the coffee, Joe could start the bath, run next door to pick up a pot of coffee, then come home with the brew for you.
Really, a man who can operate a technical wonder like that studio panel recording do-hickie should be able to operate about 12 coffee makers simultaneously.
Perfect solution: a laminated checklist right next to the coffee maker. Also – prepping the coffee maker the night before (clean carafe, clean filter, beans added, carafe replaced, etc.) may be helpful. This way the “complicated prep” time is accomplished in the evening hours (preferably right before bed) so that he is more awake, alert & able to follow the list. If all he has to do is push “go” upon waking, it may result in success. Worked for us!
Have you ever thought of setting it all up yourself the night before? Then set the timer and wake up to the smell of a perfectly brewed pot of coffee. Or if you want to avoid fiddling with the timer, have Joe turn it on when he gets up.
This comment is for JOE: Joe, don’t listen to any of them, you are a saint for even trying! If dear Stephanie was sensible (Sorry Stephanie!!) she would drink a lovely cup of tea in the morning and you wouldn’t have to worry about all this. Joe get’s double points for trying!!!
Keurig!!!! It is the only way to go. Single cup, perfectly made every day.
as a non-coffee drinker, this is very amusing! i can imagine your pain though!
I discovered your blog about a month ago and have been reading it since (and enjoying it very much). This post finally made me take action to comment. I was laughing all the way reading through it; hilarious! (I wish I could say I haven’t had a few of those coffee challenged moments myself but alas, that would be a lie). Thanks for making me feel as though I’m chatting with an old friend. And thanks for having such a fun view of life’s everyday challenges.
You need a Keurig. http://www.keurig.com/brewers/platinum-brewing-system Pop in a pod of coffee, push a button and you have a cup. Also makes tea and hot cocoa.
Diane
Keurig’s are great!
My other suggestion is a different schedule: Before bed, load and start the dishwasher, and clean out the coffee pot and basket for the next day.
Keurig is the only way to go.
My husband is the only coffee drinker in the house and suffered for years with less than stellar coffee (from bags, like tea) rather than brew just one cup before he left. Or, he’d stop at a coffe shop and pay way too much for his one simple cup.
Our solution — KEURIG. He can get his nicely brewed cup in less than 2 minutes from entering the kitchen. Turn the machine on, let it warm up, put in the self contained packet of grounds, push either large cup or small cup, and 30 seconds later, there is a perfectly brewed cup of coffee, just for him. All I have to do is remember to fill up the water tank at night and he goes off to work perfectly happy.
Bonus – he can get different flavors of coffeee & I can use it to make tea.
Extra Bonus – the teenagers use it to make hot chocolate in the winter. (Might be considered a downside as they drink a lot of hot chocolate and have a lot of friends over drinking it also!)
LOL, we both can make coffee, I do it if we are at my place, he does it at his place. He does not exactly understand the knitting thing (yet) nor does his place have good knitting light (yet) but he does the coffee thing when he gets up and then comes back to cuddle until it’s done and we get up…at his place. At my place, I am up, out the door with the huge and insistent dog, set up and turn on the coffee maker and then tuck my cold body and feet back in bed for him to warm them up, while the machine does the coffee, the dog eats and I appreciate the days I don’t work or am on 2nd shift LOL
I must guiltily confess that when I saw the title, I immediately thought of that OTHER system you are using right now – the Postit organizing system for Sock Summit 2 (or have you upgraded that system?) It was with great relief that I read that it is “only” your caffeine delivery system that is causing problems.
I support the previously mentioned ideas of a laminated checklist posted inside a kitchen cabinet door near the coffeemaker or a Keurig. I myself have a Gevalia pod system that makes good coffee. I use it more often, thought, to make a cup of tea with one of my non-Gevalia tea bags.
I agree with anyone who has mentioned a French Press. We had quite a few coffee maker disasters before stumbling upon the French Press option. Main thing to remember is to stir the grounds in the hot water with a plastic or wooden utensil so that you don’t accidentally break the carafe.
Bonus: You get to knit a cover for the thing so that your coffee stays hot. It’s amazing how well it all works. Very easy to clean, too.
Pod machines ROCK!!!! We got a Nesspresso machine for my BIL for xmas, and liked the convenience so much we ended up with a Keurig for ourselves (it does the refill your own pods really well).
ANY HOT DRINK. I’m in heaven. And no more machines cluttering up the counters. Just one super hot-drink machine now!
I don’t think it’s Joe – I think it is a man thing. My husband (a pilot!)trashed yet another coffee maker last week. He doesn’t even drink coffee, but as an act of love (or self-defense) makes my coffee every morning. I give up!
Makes me happy to be caffeine free. Can’t function without my morning orange juice, but that’s less complicated.
And yes, I’m caffeine free by choice. I choose not to suffer the migraines that result when I have caffeine.
It’s just as well, too, cause there’s no one here to make coffee but me if I needed it.
I, too, cannot function without coffee. I make it the night before, that way my husband has ONLY to push the button when he comes downstairs. Of course if I forget to make it, he won’t notice. He’ll still just push the button.
Yup…Keurig. We got ours at Costco, and it came with the reusable filter, so you don’t have to throw out all those used coffee pods if you don’t want to. The largest size cup it makes is a bit on the small side, but it does make a good cup of coffee!
I have a feeling coffee problems are a common issue in marriage. We use a french press and have gone through 4 in the last 6 months. At $20 bucks a pop it’s not THAT big of deal, but still. annoying.
My husband makes the coffee so weak, after he puts the teapot on and walks away, I add another heaping scoop of grounds to the press!
I have to make it the night before. Even though the fresh-ground coffee isn’t as fresh-ground, I can only make it as far as the kitchen before I get it into my system, so that’s the trade-off. My dog is almost smart enough to make it for me, but not quite, and I don’t think it’s legal/healthy to inject it right into my bloodstream before I swing out of bed.
Have the same coffee maker which I have loved for its very delicious coffee for several years. I have also experienced said coffee disasters enough times that I can’t believe it really still happens. (the timer is great but I am scared to use it least I come down to a coffee explosion.)
I may have solved the coffee before making coffee issue by actually reheating yesterday’s coffee and sipping while preparing new coffee. It makes me appreciate said new, fresh coffee that much more.
Best option found is get it ready at night, press button in morning. For the love of all things coffee in the morning.
Since so many of the problems seem to revolve around trying to clean the pot or load up the beans in the morning, is there a reason why the pot doesn’t get cleaned and the beans loaded at night so in the morning, only the button has to get pushed? Also, my friend Rick says he thinks he must be related to your husband, only with microwave problems, instead of coffee maker problems.
I am so relieved I drink tea.
I would like to second the French Press, easy as making a cup of tea. We have 3, small (1 cup), medium (2 cups), large (3 cups)[pot size equals scoops of coffee] that see regular use depending on how many of us are having coffee that morning. The only time the coffee maker sees action is when we host a holiday or party. My daughter has been making decent coffee in a press since she has been old enough to handle a boiling kettle.
this made me laugh so hard!!!!!!!!!! except for the names, i would swear you were married to my husband!!! oh there is more he can do. like when cleaning up the mess includes putting the grounds down the sink and after so many many many many times of coffee ooppps, the sink starts to back up!!!!!
Buy him a cafetiere (french press) – foolproof! Or, even better, convert him to tea.
FRENCH PRESS!!!! No filters, no clogging, seperate grinder….just hot water, grounds, and the most wonderful coffee I’ve ever tasted! If he can make tea, he can use a french press…it’s not electric….perfect!
I’m another one who votes for the cone version; low tech, all aspects of coffee preparation are clearly visually inspectable for presence of required ingredients, low environmental impact (and now Melitta is offering bamboo filters so you aren’t using up trees but sustainable bamboo instead) – and you can make either single serving or a pot. If keeping the coffee warm for replenishment is the issue, you can always buy a little electrical warming stand thingie and place the pot on it after brewing. Even with filters, cone and warmer it’s probably cheaper than the dang Keurig, which seems like an egregious waste of money and resources for a less satisfying brew anyway, and I’m sure Joe could manage such a system!
Sometimes I wish I’d met someone like Joe. Though I’m happy with my single existence, viewing a productive and functioning marriage like yours gives me hope that maybe in my next lifetime I can be in a partnership. I think in this lifetime I wasn’t equipped with the compromise gene that makes those things work!
One word: Keurig.
I love my Keurig pod system. You get no grounds and it is a no brainer. A bit more expensive but I can do tea as well with no coffee taste and the grandchildren make their own hot chocolate. As good as it gets.
Joe, I have the same challenges … I think maybe you have the answer … to make coffee one needs to have a cup of coffee. Quite a dilemma! Joe I support you!
I can add my vote to the list of French Press suggestions. It’s not just simple, it’s all visible, which makes it a lot harder to muck up.
1) Boil water.
2) Grind beans and scoop them into empty carafe.
3) Add water (just off boil).
4) Replace plunger lid, leave for a minute or so (I’m not sure that the Fella waits) and then gently plunge.
5) Drink coffee.
Even the Fella can manage it. Actually, he makes it every day and then brings me my coffee in bed.
After that, he knows that he can do no wrong all day.
Why can’t coffee be delivered? Like pizza, I mean. A standing order. Every day. Always.
How about one of those coffee makers that have the programmable clock in it? Then he can set it up the night before and you’ll both have fresh brewed coffee when you get up in the morning…
One word: KEURIG! Check them out and it would be much easier then what you have. You are right you would need a cup of coffee just to make coffee.
don’t know whom I feel more sorry for, you or Joe. 🙂 But by #4, I was giggling madly. If only you could find enough pre-coffee humour to turn this into bleary-eyed pre-coffee entertainment….
That post was HILARIOUS! And that is exactly why I make my OWN coffee.
You need to buy a Keurig.
You have a cuisinart, don’t you? they are kind of known for making coffee ground-laced floods all over your countertop. doesn’t matter how hard you try to make it not happen. it’s true…read a few reviews on amazon, it might make you feel better about your husbands coffee-making skills.
That was hysterical! And it’s also stopping me right there: I don’t drink coffee, but I do love my hot cocoa, and there’s someone with a start-up company selling cocoa beans for brewing at home like coffee.
Maybe I’ll just stick to the safety of my cocoa and sugar in milk in the morning.
Yes must be a cuisinart. I’ve done all of these … Still I love being able to time fresh ground coffee and the carafe is awesome. Tell Joe he has to create a second review process – check filer is in correct (can’t be bent – if bent will spill over), make sure carafe is empty and in slot correct (if off line will spill over, if old coffee in will spill over), make sure water is filled not over the limit (will spill over), make sure to turn on grinder (will not grind coffee makes water with a slight coffee color), make sure to clean out coffee grinder inside and shoot ( may cause back log – creates coffee color water). Lots of QA checks but I still love this coffee maker. Joe I do this all the time – it’s great to know I’m not alone!
I rarely comment because I feel you get more than enough to wade through, but…
Have you considered a French Press? We recently got rid of our pot and just got a largish french press and now making coffee isn’t too far different from making tea and it tastes pretty good.
Just thought I’d share my own coffee disaster. The coffee maker at work needs a pot of water run through first, before adding filter & coffee grounds. Water goes straight through so one carafe goes below, other carafe is used to add water. I managed that part fine. Then added filter & grounds & refilled with fresh water. But forgot to empty first carafe. 12 cups of coffee? Not so fun to mop up!
French press!!! You can buy a gigantic one, and all you have to do is heat some water in a kettle and pour it over the grounds. 5 minutes later…coffee. Pure magic.
This one is awesome, and it will last FOREVER:
http://www.bodumusa.com/shop/line.asp?MD=1&GID=3&LID=572&HID=1328%2D16US&CHK=&SLT=&mscssid=42LHUPW5K3CK9NENU57AERWB0J048S73
Drink tea. Caffeine without fuss.
yet another vote for the Keurig coffemaker! We got one for Christmas and love it! Simple to use, no mess, and a hot fresh cup of coffee in less than a minute.
Ya know, I wonder if Starbucks knew how much money they’d make if they offered a morning coffee delivery subscription. Like newspapers but without the coffee being thrown onto the porch or into the bushes.
I haven’t read all the comments, but have to add my own. When my late husband wanted coffee for his morning (earlier than mine, morning that is) I made the coffee the night before and let the timer on the coffee pot go on when it was time for him to get up. Our deal was I made the coffee for him if he would throw out the grounds for me. I don’t drink coffee, don’t like the flavor, no coffee candy, ice cream, tiramisu, nada. I don’t mind making it but don’t know if it is good or bad, so wish it was made by others. I make it once a month for my ASG meeting and whenever my neighbors come over or the knitting groups stop by. The part I really dislike is the grounds. Please someone put the grounds in the garbage for me. I always seem to spill them. They stick to everything. So that is my long drawn out 2 cents.
I’m so bad at making coffee that when people come over and are offered coffee, they ask first who made it. As long as it’s not me, they’ll have some! I am truly pathetic at making coffee and so empathetic with Joe!
And, alas, this is whay I get up and make the coffee every morning.
grind the beans. put them in filter. pour in water. set timer.
do this the NIGHT BEFORE on a coffee pot with a clock timer.
I couldn’t have made it through high school without this.
Maybe a burr grinder (keep ground coffee in the freezor) and a no- electric coffee maker like a Melitta would work better. Then just boil the water.
those are OBVIOUSLY ‘GROUNDS’ FOR DIVORCE IN MOI’S BOOK. Too many chances,too many losses.
jeez. funny nonetheless. There IS a definate reason for singlehood and coffee timers babe.
Buy a Keurig machine!! I have one and I LOVE it!
Someone might have said this in one of the 413 comments before me, but, if you are not disposed to one of those pod-Keurig things, a Bunn coffee maker has the water heated all the time and it takes less than 5 minutes to make a whole pot of coffee.
I cannot be spoken to either in the morning. I clean the pot the night before. In the morning, I add the filter, add the coffee, pour the water and then go feed the dogs. One scoop of food for each, 1 minute to gobble it down, open the door to let them out and by the time I come back to the kitchen, the coffee is done. It heats the water very hot too and the coffee divas in this house think it makes better coffee than other brands. Good luck in this extremely important quest.
For all of the afore mentioned reasons, the last thing I do before retiring is to set up the coffeemaker. My DH just has to switch it on in the morning…. It has saved his life.
I’m lucky enough to be able to use the coffeemaker as a competency exam: if I can’t manage to make it work, I’m obviously not qualified to deal with the day and should go back to bed for a while. If one of us has to be up in the morning, I set up the grounds and water the night before. We don’t need a timer on the coffeemaker; even I can manage to push the button before my first cup.
I am appalled by Joe’s consistent mis-management of the coffee-making process. Keurig is just another costly machine for him to decimate. I say, keep it simple: a Mr. Coffee, loaded the night before with ground beans and good quality water (from an RO or other filter system), then flipped on in the morning. A former husband of mine consistently flubbed kitchen jobs until I recalled he had told me he was a cook in the army. The charade stopped instantly. If Joe is neither shirking nor passive-aggressive, I’d say keep it simple.
Life-in Barrista?
Hmmm… Starbucks?
OhMyBob – still laughing out loud. Thank goodness you had a crochet hook in the house – but why not use a knitting needle? 🙂
So a French press or a hand drip (ala Melitta) coffee set-up are out of the question, right? Too low-tech?
Seems to be some technology issues up there in the Canadian tundra.
Thank you for a much-needed laugh.
“I think maybe I need to drink coffee before I can make coffee.”
I had a friend for whom this was true, and she bought a thermal carafe, put the last of the previous night’s coffee into it, and set the thing by her bed. In the morning, she poured out the still-hot and still-(to her)-drinkable coffee and had a cup before making the morning’s fresh.
Just a wee thought. Probably cheaper to buy the thermal carafe than what was lost on coffee beans.
FRENCH PRESS! FRENCH PRESS!! FRENCH PRESS!!!
Great cofee, low tech AND you can knit it a sweater/cozy to keep it warm. If only my husband would stop talking about cappuccino…
Tea is just so much easier 😉
Can he set it up the night before and then, assuming you really can’t get the timer to work, just turn it on in the morning? I’m sure someone has already suggested this, but I don’t have time to read all the comments, and given how alarming the situation is, I felt I had to weigh in.
Try a Toddy Maker for your coffee needs (toddymaker.com). It removes the acid from the coffee and makes a strong concentrate. You boil a pot of water, put a shot of coffee concentrate and a shot of anything else you want in a coffee mug then add the hot water. Voila’ coffee to die for but not wait for. You’ll love it! Guaranteed!
By the way, you have a really great site. I could go on and on about a lot of things, too:) I just like to hear about others goings ons to keep my own in perspective. Thanks.
I can rent out my husband. Not only does he make the coffee (and done perfectly), he feeds the cats while I sleep another 15 minutes : >
I can rent out my husband. Not only does he get up and make the coffee, he feeds the cats while I sleep another 15 minutes : >
Okay. This man is telling you he doesn’t want to make coffee.
It’s like the book — He’s really not that into you — He’s really not into making coffee.
Keurig. Fill up the water the night before, put the k-cups on the counter and the cup under the spout. Then all you have to do is turn it on and put the k-cup in, and push the button. Or, if you like Starbucks, the instant is not bad.
A few more reasons that a French Press is the best:
1. If you can heat water with gas, it doesn’t matter if the power goes out (this is a major issue with electric timers on pots… power flickers at night, no warm coffee in the morning).
2. If you get a metal container (we have a glass Bodum, but also found a metal handled container at the kitchen store that the plunger fits into) you can take it camping or to hotels and have decent coffee wherever you are.
3. It’s forgiving. Once you figure out about the right ratio of grounds to water, just set the grinder for that amount — no measuring. Heat water. Grind. Dump. Wet. Wait. Press. Pour. Drink.
4. It tastes better than drip coffee. Much better.
KEURIG.
Yep, may cost a bit more, but it’s the sanest coffee delivery device yet.
First.. I love reading your blog, you make me smile.
Second….go with the Keurig. It is the best machine out there.
My mother-in-law bought one for every one of our families for christmas as it is so handy!
I actually had trouble with the french press, especially if the coffee is not ground to the right consistency. I had it too fine one time and when I pushed the plunger down the whole thing exploded. Coffee everywhere!! I found grounds in crevices I didn’t know it could get into! So go with Keurig – no mess. (unless you put the cup upside down as one reader noted) and virtually no thinking required. The hardest part is deciding which coffee to try. ( or many of the other selections – tea, hot chocolate etc)
Enjoy! 🙂
How about making it all up the night before and then Joe just has to switch the “on” button at 7:00 am . . .(I don’t like the Keurig idea – it creates a ton of plastic trash. Coffee filters are compostable – or even use the mesh filters and reusable)
This process seems hauntingly like your experience with the Miralda Shawl.
Sounds like deja vu but then I didn’t know that you’ve been to my house. The bright spot is that we both have “keeper” husbands – aren’t they great. I can see two possibilities – 1) get the coffee maker all ready before going to bed and let him just “hit the button” in the morning or 2) let him get the coffee maker ready the night before (you might want to take a peak before you go to bed, just cause)and let him hit the button in the morning. Good luck!
I think going lower tech is the answer, not higher tech.
I have a lovely percolator which goes right on the hob (altho I recognise that using the hob before imbibing coffee might lead to setting the house on fire). It make very yummy coffee for me every morning which I take with me in my travel cup.
Alternatively, why not try a caffetiere / french press. This assumes you have an electric kettle (which is such a wonderful invention) to boil the water. It is also a pretty fool-proof way of making coffee and most caffetieres are just crying out for a cozy to be knit for them.
P.S. I think the first post of yours that I read was the one about your extreme and repeated loss of coffee in the airport at some ungodly hour. I felt desperately sorry for you but you described it in such a humourous way!
I thought MY husband was the most impaired. Well, at least unwilling. I have to set it up the night before on a timer and the wonderful aroma wakes me up. If the pot is near empty he does a few frustrated huffs and looks at the near-empty pot pitifully. Translated: He wants ME to make another pot. There is no hope.
I suggest both a french press and some instant coffee (ghastly, I know) to get him over the hump in making the stuff. I used to know someone with a three cup a morning habit — one to get ready to make the coffee and then one for each eye.
Barring all that, is there a Tim Horton’s nearby or something?
Maxwell House and Folgers both have coffee bags that work great for single cups of coffee. They’re just like tea bags, only coffee instead. I take them with me when I’m traveling along with a little hot pot; I also keep them in my desk at work and in my purse for “emergencies.” It makes life very simple for someone who doesn’t know anything about making coffee, after all, how hard is it to pour hot water in a cup?
Somehow it sounds more like someone is trying to get out of making the coffee…because, really, just how difficult is it(regardless of the type of system used)? Maybe a little card with written instructions placed by the coffee pot would be helpful (along with a little thank you for the favor).
How easy it is to take for granted even the little things (like making coffee) that other people do for us — it’s like we expect it. Remember that even in the mishap someone was trying to do something nice.
What if you set everything up the night before and he just had to turn it on in the morning? I know that requires prepping for the next day at night, which I am terrible at… but it might be worth it.
Starbucks delivery service?
Laugh out loud funny!!!!!
Very funny! Were those consecutive days of coffee making?? I don’t think I would have lasted. For your morning attitude problems, I recommend sleeping until noon instead of changing who makes the coffee;) Getting up early is over-rated!
Love good coffee, have to have it asap after I get up. May I recommend a Keurig coffeemaker? Makes one cup at a time on demand with small coffee pods. No waste. No mistakes to make. Water reservoir holds at least five cups. Coffee in 30 seconds. Makes tea & hot chocolate. Not too expensive. Need to clean it once a month with vinegar. It has changed my life. Yes, it is REAL COFFEE, not instant.
Buy a Keurig. Kind of expensive, but fool-proof. And makes tasty coffee.
You’re so lucky that he even tries. My ex-husband’s line was “Look. You want the coffee, YOU make the coffee. Leave me out of it. And by the way, why the heck do you keep buying all that yarn? Don’t you have enough yet?” Yes, I was married to a non-coffee drinking, anti-knitter. All I can say is that he didn’t show his true colors until AFTER we’d gotten married.
oh my god…this is hysterical. You know…I think the only way to fix this is to get the coffee maker/beans.water,filter, etc. etc. all prepped the night before (no timer though as this can add to the problems)…thus in the AM he need merely walk downstairs and turns it on. This has saved my household many similar issues. Seems like everyone is better able to master the making of the coffee if it is done sometime other than w/o coffee and first thing in the AM.
“slightly odd vision of cat eating small mountain of dry ground coffee off floor”
*Slightly* odd?? What cat eats coffee grounds? Do you buy fish-flavored coffee? Are there other things this cat eats that make coffee grounds seem tame?
Sometimes your life sounds like it’s scripted by somebody else, somebody whose goal is not “a calm morning” but rather “a wild romp”. Like Lewis Carroll is writing the screenplay for your life and Tim Burton is directing it. “Ok cue exploding coffee maker… pan around the room, stop on cat eating coffee.. now zoom into her face…no reaction to cat…start montage of previous coffee debacles…”
Buy french press, already ground coffee in cans or backs, boil water on stove in tea pot, put ground coffee in french press, add boiling water, stir, press coffee with lid, pour into cup and drink.
Steph! GET A FRENCH PRESS!
I think Joe wants you to fire him from the coffee maker job.
Keurig! I love it and I can make coffee with it when I’m not quite awake and more importantly so can my husband. Keurig even has refillable pods you can buy once and use forever. You don’t have all the waste and can use your favorite coffee.
http://www.amazon.com/Keurig-K-Cup-Reusable-Coffee-Filter/dp/B000DLB2FI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1301097686&sr=8-1
If you lived closer, I would make you coffee…. Can you get a timer coffee pot that you can set the night before, and it will make coffee for you. And then YOU get it ready, the night before? In the meantime, find a nice coffee shop.
He doesn’t drink it? I’d never trust my morning coffee to someone who wasn’t going to drink it. Making my coffee is the biggest reason to get out of bed!
This is why I take my caffeine in a form that is yellow-green and fizzy – Mountain Dew. All I have to do is open the container and drink.
We bought a Keurig. Love Love LOVE! Put a little cup in, close lid press button, and wonderful coffee comes out. 😀 (Yes you can still screw this up)
oh no no no, you’re doing it wrong! the timer is your friend! i awake every morning to a full pot of coffee, put together while i was fully conscious the evening before. it’s what gets me out of bed many a day. sad but true.
This is why I set up the coffee before I go to bed. Hubby only has to push the “on” button. Even half awake it works. This has saved the morning routine in our house for many years now and I have a cuppa ready and waiting when I stumble to the kitchen.
Get a Nespresso. You’ll never look back at another cup of coffee again.
I needed this laugh! Set up the coffee pot before and have one of the kids set up the timer. One of them will be able to do it in 10 seconds flat! It is truly amazing how one can mess up the coffee in so many ways!
I am laughing so hard. My husband makes the coffee but manages to kill them on such a regular basis that we think of the appliance as “disposable”. We only buy the cheapest ones possible and never ones that grind beans anymore due to the numerous failures. He even preps it the night before – which means it should be ready to go with the push of a button, but sometimes it just means that we brew coffee late at night!
Hey Steph, might I suggest an Aeropress coffee maker…pros: portable, makes delicious coffee, REALLY easy to clean, you just need hot\boilingish water (so if all you have is fire, you’re good), impossible to mess up, low cost it’s under$50. husband pro: it was invented by a husband, and it utilizes vacuum seal technology! cons: it uses more coffee than a drip.
http://www.aeropress.ca/
check it out to see all the features. you can get one at the greenbeanery in toronto or order online. it won’t be waiting for you, but it takes as long as boiling a kettle +30 seconds for a cup of coffee house good coffee. faster than tea! and the coffee is strong enough you really only need a cup.
I’m sure this has been mentioned many times already, get a Melitta drip. Boil kettle, pour into filter, put hot coffee into large thermos. Perfect. Dare I say …. fool-proof.
I sympathize with Joe! I have often lamented that making coffee is too complicated a task when one OBVIOUSLY hasn’t had any coffee yet. I set up everything *but* grinding the beans (filter in, water in, measure the beans into the grinder and lock down its lid) the night before when I’m functional. In the morning I push one button on the grinder, dump the results into the ready-to-go filter basket, and flip the switch.
One “primer” dose of Starbucks VIA isn’t a bad notion either. It’s remarkably decent.
OMG! This sounds like a vignette from our house!
And I am as grateful to my DH as you are to Joe for the thought. Holding one’s hair when one is puking in the bathroom, changing dirty diapers, and making coffee is true love for sure. That and cleaning the refrigerator.
Hey Stephanie,
I met you Friday night (tonight? last night? I guess it depends on how your server is set) at the Ina May Gaskin talk. I’m sorry I was a bit weird. I think that was the last place I was expecting to meet you (I was really anticipating that the first time would be at a book tour for one of YOUR books) and I was caught a bit off-guard.
Thanks for being a good sport and for holding your sock up for me – although my husband (kindly) pointed out when I got home that I was an idiot for not getting my picture taken WITH you. I think he was right.
Ina May Gaskin & Stephanie Pearl-McPhee in one night? I could barely speak when I got home 🙂
Kim
Hysterical! Do you think Joe is trying to tell you something?
Whatever you do, DON’T buy a Keurig. Since you seem to despise drinking coffee-scented hot water as much as I do, I don’t believe you would be happy with a Keurig, as it makes nothing more than warm, brown water that smells like coffee…not nearly strong enough…even the “extra bold” dark roast cups. And yeah, there’s the whole eco-UNfriendly issue of the little plastic cups, too.
I agree with Theadingo…while it’s easy to use,the Keurig just makes flavored water. Toddy is the best option of all, in my humble opinion. Cold drip one pound of coffee and it lasts for a couple of weeks in the fridge. In the morning you add an ounce or two of the concentrate to your cup, add milk or water, then microwave it for a minute and a half, and you have amazing, low-acid coffee. Mmmm. It’s really the best. And rather hard to screw up. Really.
As I was making delicious French press, New Orleans style coffee this morning, I thought of you, and sent Coffee-Jedi-French- Press vibes your way. I am absolutely unbearable before I am caffienated — just ask my poor husband. I also cannot form sentences, and sound like someone for whom English is a second language: “Toast. Here. Eat.”
I used a French Press in the dorm in college. I had an electric kettle for the water, a jar full of sugar cubes, and a couple of spoons and cups on the desk, right next to my bed. I would fill the kettle and wash and dry the French press the night before and put in the grounds. I didn’t even have to get out of bed. When the alarm went off on my clock radio, I hit the 10-minute snooze button and plugged in the kettle, then snoozed until the kettle shrieked. Poured it into the French press, dozed until the snooze alarm came on again, sat up, pressed the plunger down, reached over to get the cream from the mini-fridge that doubled as my nightstand, and had coffee without my feet ever hitting the floor. My California roommate was amazed at this.
I should also add: you can get a stainless steel, insulated French press. They are wonderful, and unbreakable. Pricey but the keep=warm factor may be an advantage
Also, Be sure not to grind the coffee too fine. A medium-coarse grind is best, or … I can send you some canned, pre-ground Cafe Du Monde. Keep it in the freezer for freshness. If you like it, they ship worldwide.
For best, New-Orleans like results, warm the milk or cream on the stovetop in a small pot on the lowest flame, or preheat cup and milk in the microwave, while the coffee brews (AFTER you’ve turned off the kettle, so you are only minding one thing on the stove at a time.
Alternately, can you help me get Canadian citizenship so I can open a New Orleans Style coffee shop (with fresh beignets) across the street from your house? I would be happy to deliver in the morning. I would also sell Malabrigo, Knitivity, Auracania, Morandia, and other fine yarns and spinning fibers, as well as my own hand dyed yarns and fibers.
I’ll see if I can dig up my French Press cozy pattern (for the glass kind) then you HAVE to buy one. So you can make the cozy.
We use the French press for tea, too. Great for loose-leaf tea.
My, I’ve been wordy lately. Any excuse to avoid tax preparation. 🙂
all of this reminds me that I own a pyrex top-of-stove percolater, and I seem to remember that making The.Best.Coffee.Every.Time – I even have the little metal grid to put on the electric ring burner …. I’m going searching
It alwasys worked best on the gas stove, though. Thanks for the laughs, hon, you do know how to tell them.
For all the Keurig (other pod), cone, french press suggestions – yes, but think back to the perc on the stove … mmm, smell that? Finest kind.
Now, if only I could spell?
One word yet again. Keurig. Keurig, Keurig, Keurig, Keurig, Keurig.
BUT,,, if your like me,,, make sure when you invest in a box of K-cups,,, go for BOLD!
I wanted to commend Joe for keeping up his great efforts to take care of you. We appreciate it, and just for the record, my husband brings me tea and toast in the morning, (I have RA, )..and he is a lovely lovely man. To me, this is true love. Way to go Joe. How about a simple French Press. I think you can get them in unbreakable material as well, though the one we have is glass, and yes, we’ve had to replace it a few times, but it’s pretty bomb proof. Thanks for the smiles. : ) from chilly Vermont
That’s why I live on Dt Pepsi. I laughed really hard reading this. Thanks for sharing and for your hubby’s great sense of humor for not minding that you share these stories.
Good Luck, try an espresso machine, imagine the fun…..
How about one with a timer? Set the coffee the night before and have it ready when crawl out of bed. It was very useful when in a time not so long ago I had to be at work at 5am.
Poor Joe, poor you! Maybe getting the coffee measured, and all ready the night before is the is the answer…..
Love your husband’s reply!
I find the timer the best. If you can figure it out – which I admit it took me awhile – it’s really worth it to be able to crawl out of bed and immediately have a foolproof coffee in your hand.
I have another suggestion. It can take several hours for the full effect of coffee to work, so why not have a cup before you go to bed (or give it to Joe), so that you wake up fresh? I used to have a coffee at 4pm and could never get to sleep till 1am, slept in till 10am, vicious cycle. Once I had kids I changed my coffee times, to 8am/1pm. But recently, I commented to my band section leader that his coffee smelled REALLY good, and he started bringing me one. I was fearful of having coffee at 7:30pm! But I found that I still got to sleep easily and if I could stay asleep all night (I have 3 kids!) then I woke up so much easier in the morning!!!!
I think one of you needs to set the coffee maker up the night before so Joe only has to turn it on in the morning.
Thank you for the laugh.
I have had to idiot-proof my coffee making because I can’t really make coffee well before I’ve had coffee (Though after coffee, it’s quite good.)
I just get everything ready to go, in where it needs to be and measured out so that when I wake up, all I do is press a button. It’s a fantastic system that doesn’t result in my making coffee *without* the coffee part. It’s so upsetting when that happens.
Smiling and laughing at this while drinking my coffee at work, that on the way to work spilled down the front of me because the lid was not properly put on!
I think i have done, at least once, all the ‘offences’ that Joe has done…..AND I DRINK COFFEE!!!
Thanks for making my day!
chelle
From Joe’s answer, it can be deducted a brilliant brain lies dormant. Love your posts!!
I think you might need a keurig or the like.
Wow! so many comments about coffee.
1. If tea in the morning were an option you would have done it long ago. Tea, however wonderful, does NOT cut it first thing in the morning.
2. It was pretty OK while it lasted. Obviously, more practice is not the answer. You may have to break down and make your own.
3. Setting it up the night before, with or without the timer, is NOT the same as having someone else make good coffee for you. It is better than having bad coffee with or without the mess waiting for you.
I feel your pain! I am a barista (who sits at the counter on breaks knitting hats, mittens, and lately an afghan, while teaching our customers about the fiber arts) and frequently have to open the shop since I have a little one I need to pick up from school. So, 6:30 I’m in the shop, getting ready to serve coffee and espresso to all those weary commuters, when I’ve hardly had time for my first cup either. I’ve taken to a small glass of orange juice in the morning. And it does help.
What I want to tell you, however, is that you should look at pour-overs. At least for the morning. My partner and I use one. If you have pre-ground coffee it is soooo easy. We have an antique mill grind which takes for-freaking-ever! But we’re coffee snobs, so we’ll wait. Basically, put this cylinder over your mug. Put filter in. (Here you can either rinse filter with water before adding grinds, but reading about your fiascoes, I wouldn’t recommend adding another step.) Use the scoop that comes with pour-over to measure out coffee grinds and put in filter. Put kettle on to boil. Once boiling, pour water into pour-over, and let it gravity work. It’s take 2 minutes for us. The one problem we have had is coming close to over flowing if we’ve put too much water in pour-over.
There’s a bit of info about it on my blog, along with a photo of our glass pour-over (don’t worry, they make plastic ones.) As well as a few other coffee machines.
My mom is genius and makes the coffee the night before (everything short of brewing, that is). She has a timer, but if you do all the heavy lifting the night before so that all Joe has to do is flip a switch, you may not have to divorce or kill him.
Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read something like this before. So nice to seek out anyone with some authentic thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this web site is something that’s wanted on the net, somebody with somewhat originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!
Buy a Nespresso…drop in a little “pod” and out comes espresso…got one for my kids at Christmas. My daughter-in-law thanks me profusely on a regular basis!
When my son was ten, he asked me to teach him how to make coffee. His reason? “I think my life would be easier if your coffee was ready when you woke up.”
Smart kid.
My husband makes the best coffee ever! He used the load the night before and set the timer method. When the old perc finally bit the dust. I bought a Keurig and we have never looked back!!
Have a fabulous weekend! Thanks for a great post!!
I think my hubby has done all those things, too! How awful it is when you need that crucial cup of coffee and have to not only wait longer but clean up a horrific mess too. When our grinding-type coffee maker died I swore never to get another one like it. Ours has a timer, but we seldom use it-beyond the hubby’s skills. (Maybe mine, too!) Son used it while we were gone, but forgot to push the carafe all the way under the basket, so he woke up to a coffee flood at 6:00 A.M.
Why does it have to be so hard?!
I think you’re going too high tech. Try a french press and an electric kettle. You probably already have the kettle! We have a double-walled stainless french press (amazon.com!!) and it keeps the coffee perfectly hot while brewing and it only takes a couple of simple steps and about 2 minutes, and there is virtually no way to f#$* it up. May I also suggest a jar of instant just in case of emergency? Now, back to my knitting, and my Midsomer Murders.
Ha- I f*&^ that up and posted twice! More caffine needed here!
I was feeling a bit melancholy today. I read this post and it made me smile and chuckle a bit. Thank you.
French press and coffee grinder. Joe: Two tablespoons of ground coffee into the french press. Pour hotted water. Put plunger on top. Walk away.
Steph: Push plunger down. Pour. Happiness ensues.
You need a keurig. Not only is it impossible to add a new cup without taking out the old one, you can pick any kind of coffee you want. Keep your old coffee maker (if you have a functional one) in case you want a big pot. But for just you, in the morning, single-cup seems like the way to go.
It’s true! I don’t drink coffee, and have been told by more than 1 person that I make the world’s worst coffee. My dad tried to teach me to make him a cup – of INSTANT. I couldn’t even do that. Bless him, he drank it anyway, but the look on his face with every swallow told the story. Joe is a sweetheart for trying, but I think he may be right. Those of us who don’t drink the stuff just can’t make it.
I had similar bad experiences with a grind and brew coffee maker, and switched to French press. It’s ready in less than 10 minutes, tastes delicious, doesn’t take up counter space, costs much less than an electric coffee maker, and generates no waste (paper or plastic). I took the money I saved by not buying a new coffee maker and spent it on a really good grinder.
Have you thought of using a French press? Only have to put on the kettle in the am if you already have your grounds ready in the press. I understand needing coffee in your system to be able to function enough to make coffee. Quite a conundrum.
I agree you should try the keurig. But us the
k-cap. It’s a little clear cap so that you can reuse the little k-cups until they fall apart. You can put your own coffee in them. Works pretty well and is a little more green than using a different cup every time.
Keurig. No mess, even a monkey can use it. I’ve had mine for 2 years, have never turned it off and it has never failed to make a perfect cup. Joe will need to remember to put a cup under it and a pod in the chamber before he pushes the brew button……
Ok. I know you have a million comments but my husband learned after 30 some odd years (of marriage), that he could make coffee in the morning. Boy do I appreciate it. Our lives have been transformed by the newest modification to the system: the electric kettle and the French Press. Fantastic coffee and it is so fast a process that he will have time to bring it to you in bed. Need I say more?
My husband hates coffee and would never attempt to make it. I shudder to think what he would come up with if he tried! My mom loves to have everyone in our large extended family over. We are all huge coffee drinkers, but she likes hers really weak and no one else likes it that way. If we all go to her house, everyone asks me to make the coffee! When she retired 2 years ago, I got her a Keurig. Problem solved! Everyone gets whatever kind of coffee they like. When my coffeemaker died a few months later, I got one for myself. I love it! It’s great for making the kids’ oatmeal in the morning or tea and hot chocolate. My 8 year old can use it with no problem, but I can’t say if my 48 year old husband can figure it out. He won’t go near it since it involves coffee!
I still keep some good instant on hand for emergencies, like if the power went out. I also have a Melitta cone filter that can make a single cup from boiling water. I use that for camping trips with the Girl Scouts.
If you don’t want to invest in another coffeemaker and get the Keurig like everyone is recommending, I think you need to work on your game plan and get things set up early and figure out the timer. Surely if you can figure out all those complicated knitting charts, you can figure out a coffeemaker, right 🙂
Um, You need to be in charge of a machine with a Timer. The night before, your brain will still be functioning. Joe will be left out of it. I bet he would like that. My husband does.
After being up w the kiddo last night, I woke up this morning to my husband saying something that sounded suspiciously like “don’t use the coffee maker.” Some incident involving dishsoap and the basket that holds the filter and . . . I don’t even want to know. He said his coffee was soapy – I had a little and then went to starbucks. hopefully it’s desoaped by now.
Sorry, folks, I’ve done all of these myself…I think it’s our age, and all the distractions.
Love the coffee my guy brings me in the morning made at the local expresso shop. He is an early riser and reads the paper there. I am, like you, an evening person. All the baristas believe he is a hero since he orders my coffee before he leaves. I know that he is a very, very wise man.
I hate to say it, but you might have to take over the job and do it the night before, so he just hits the “on” button in the morning. My husband won’t go near coffee.
Yes-cut out all the torture. If you can knit lace or drive a car, you can master a time on the coffee. Love waking up to coffee brewing and a happy partner.
That is our method… After the kitchen is cleaned post dinner (I cook, he cleans) I set up the coffee maker for morning. Simple cheap coffee maker but with my fave blend.
Whoever is up first (sure as hell not me) and I hear them gets a “TURN THE COFFEE MAKER ON!” And frankly, if I am the first one up (or everyone is long gone) I get up, flick the switch then crawl back into bed until it is ready.
Call me OCD but if there is not a creamy cup of java in my little hands within moments of waking I am NOT a pleasure to be with 🙂 (Mind you I kind of suck at mornings in general..)
Bodum.
The other morning I added water but no coffee. Blech!
Oh and I race the coffeemaker to see if I can empty the dishwasher before it brews. Something about winning that race makes me feel as though I could accomplish anything.
as others have said, try a bodum. sometimes less is more.
Save your sanity and Joe’s morale: You prepare the coffee maker the night before. In the Joe gets up and flips the switch, or plugs it in as the case may be, and viola – coffee’s made.
OK, long-time reader and first-time commenter (I have been driven to comment several times in the past but nothing to motivate me like helping a woman get her morning coffee)…
You have received many good suggestions. I also agree that lower tech is the way to go. French Press or Aero Press would be my suggestions. I know when you are in the Portland area you don’t have much time for personal shopping, but there is a great store on Mississippi Ave called Mr. Green Beans. They are a locally owned (by friends), sell lots of coffee brewing options that do not require programming, and are amazingly knowledgable.
We had the same coffee maker. Rhymes with Squeezinart? I always kept it in a deep cookie tray for the (many) times it threw up all over itself. Must admit, more than one morning, I poured the contents of that tray back into the pot.
Day 1: Hubby forgot to make sure pot was empty before turning on coffee maker. Caught it in time, just turned off machine. Coffee very strong.
Day 2: Hubby makes sure there is no coffee in carafe, checks water level, just pushes start. Coffee very weak.
I have had hubby read your blog and the consensus was that I should go back to setting up coffee maker at night, using the timer, to avoid the above issues.
HA!
you need to understand the timer function on your coffee maker and make coffee the night before, when you are still “smart”
i’m with joe, i don’t know how anyone can make coffee in the morning, BEFORE a cup of coffee
Okay, I know there are 523 comments and sorry I don’t have time to read them all so let me cut to the chase: FRENCH PRESS. It is the only way to go. It is uber-simple, makes the strongest coffee imaginable, and the average size FP make 3 large cups (in our house that’s one cup each and an extra for whoever needs it most). Then when you are ready for more, you **, as they say in knitting. BTW, I’ve found that all grinds of beans work – coarse, medium, fine. I like the Boden brand because it has a little filter on the lid to catch any grounds that escaped the plunger. And, finally, they are CHEAP. I’ve asked several coffee experts (you know, those dudes who professionally roast coffee), and the answer is always French Press. Hope it helps!
Ok, gotta say this. Lots of posts here and I likewise have not read them all. But. Tea. No grinding, no night before, no pot on the counter and no accidents. I have tea, he goes to the coffeeshop. No coffeeshop? No coffee. Even if we live way out in the boonies someday, HE will go into town to have Folgers with the locals. I’m done with coffee. I’ve cold-brewed it, espresso’d it, french-pressed it, ground it, had it ground, froze it, bought organic, shade-grown, free-trade, you name it. Tea is way better, health-wise, easy-wise, delicious-wise. Tea. Looseleaf only, tea leaves need to expand in the water and float around a little so none of those metal tea ball thingies. You need a tea-pot (much more elegant than a coffee pot) or a 1-cup tea infuser that just sits in your cup. Put in a rounded teaspoon of loose tea, fill with boiling water, take it out in 5 minutes and you’re done. No tea bags unless there’s no other choice. Still better than coffee.
My wife and I have a similar arrangement. I prefer simple coffee makers, however, having a timer wouldn’t kill me.
If such a similar disastrous situation occurred in our home, the fancy-pants coffee maker would’ve been at the curb by the end of day 2.
…and I don’t even get to enjoy the fruits of my own labour – I drink decaf.
So happy to read this! My spouse does similar things to the coffeemaker. Last one was forgetting to put in the pot. Coffee cascaded down the kitchen cabinets onto the floor. He’s much older than your Joe so I assumed he was developing Alzheimers! Whew! that was a close call!
Loved this one! Husband unit recently forgot to put in pot and hot coffee cascaded down kitchen cabinets onto the floor where dog licked it up. Since my guy is much older than yours, I thought it was the onset of Alzheimers! Whew! close call!
sorry, realize I sent this twice – uh oh, now this is a third post – I’d better get back to my knitting
Oh. Just in case my previous post about him going into town to have Folger’s with the locals, sounded a little mean (my paranoia is acting up again), I have to say: When you’ve been married for 29+ years and you’re both retired, you takes your breaks where you can get them. He’s just as happy with the arrangement as I am! Getting to that place where you’re both happy sometimes takes a few spilled beans, eh, coffee.
This really reads like a man who only wants you to think he is willing to make the coffee…because he wants you to adore him for trying to do it. Let’s face it…making coffee is one of the easiest things to do…it is something a small child can do successfully. It rather seems like you two enjoy this game…He can make coffee, but prefers to mess it up and you are aware of that but prefer to pretend he’s being adorable. True proof that you each love the other a lot! This is the reason that my secretary arrives early in the mornings and makes the coffee –that way I do not have to play the coffee game with my wife! Tell Joe to hire you a secretary to make the coffee!
Sorry for the rough morning! 🙁
I live alone and have not yet been successful at training the cat to make the coffee in the morning. Bought a $12 coffee maker that has a timer. I set it at night before crawling into bed. It turns on 15 minutes prior to my alarm, and I wake up to a coffee-scented house!
Sounds like a Keurig is in your future!!
My dear husband broke my Revere Ware tea kettle. I’m still not sure how he managed to break a steel kettle, but it’s kaput. Until we make it into town to buy another, I’m making do with boiling the water in a saucepan.
See, this is another reason why I don’t drink coffee. 🙂
Toddy system is the way to go. We have used it for years. Resulting coffee is easier on the stomach and easy enough to whip up anytime. I know, coffee concentrate sounds dreadful, but I assure you it is not. Just use a coarse grind when you brew.
too ill today to consider coffee, turned to you for inspiration but couldn’t face reading through comments so sorry if this has been said. simplest way of saving Joe _and_ having your coffee; you set up machine before bed, he siwtches on in morning.
Or, buy a Senseo; goood coffee in 90 seconds flat, uses pods (no mess), can add water to reservoir in progress if run out (simply stops brewing). Best matrimonal harmony gift my (non-coffee drinking) husband ever gave me.
feel up to coffee now if could only standup without falling over…
My sweet patootie brings me coffee in bed every morning. This gives him free reign to forget valentine’s day and any other hallmark holiday. We use a French Press. Why not get ground coffee -if you use it often it is fine… we use beans but we don’t have Joe’s problem. So boil water – pour over ground coffee in french press – let steep for about five minutes – plunge thingy down – serve! Voila! and better because no filtery things mucking up the earth. Joe is a treasure as my sp. We must have done something right somewhere, eh?
get a perculator. Set it up the night before, when Joe is AWAKE, so all you have to do is turn it on!
Frightening similar experiences at my house resulted in husband’s abandonment of coffee as a source of life-sustaining caffeine in favor of tea made in a single cup for himself.
Lordy, lordy. You need to hand Joe a set of car keys.
Starbucks, dear. Sometimes you should just pay professionals to do what you can’t do well yourself. They open at 0500.
I just love a good chuckle on Monday mornings. Thanks!
My husband sets up the coffee pot at night with a timer. So the coffee’s ready when I rise (about 2 hours before him). When he’s out of town and I forget, I am quite miserable.
I think the timer thing is worth getting a handle on, then no one has to make coffee without coffee.
I sympathize. I’ve been blessed with the survival skill of being able to make caffeine-carrying beverages even *before* I’ve had my caffeine-carrying beverage.
Has anyone suggested concentrated coffee yet? Made in advance and kept in the refrigerator, to be warmed on demand? (And an excellent drink in the ultra-hot summer?)
I have a K-cup, and it is amazing. If you’re worried about the “green” factor, like we are, you can buy a k-cup and put your own grounds in it! I’m not exactly sure how I lived before I got one, maybe with only one eye open 🙂
I have a husband who is perfectly capable of making perfect coffee every single day. Before you accuse me of snotty bragging, let me add that I also have a medical condition that enjoins me from drinking coffee, especially if it has caffeine in it.
Things could always be worse.
Our coffee pot is set up the night before and because we can’t seem to master the timer thing, either….my husband just hits the on switch as he passes by with dog #1 on their way for ‘walkies’. He cooks and goes to wool festivals too and no, I’m NOT willing to share 🙂
I have to agree with selestius. French presses are easy, make great coffee, and can also be used for loose leaf tea.
I’ve made all the mistakes Joe has made and probably some he hasn’t thought of yet. (Has he ever tried to use a paper towel as a coffee filter? I have. Not good.)
Also, coffee syrup is something you can buy here in Rhode Island and use to make coffee milk.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_milk
For this very reason, I set up the coffee pot the night before so when I get up I just have to hit “on” That *usually* works.
At last, a use for a crochet hook!
Haahaa…wow this is awesome! ;D
I kid you not.
I read your post and thought, “I’ve done a lot of interesting things, but I sure haven’t done that before.” The very next morning, I started up my little one-cup Keurig maker and was looking out the kitchen window, pondering my day, waiting for the coffee to get done. It stopped brewing and I reached over to get my mug of coffee only to discover that the mug was still on the counter, quite empty. The coffee itself had brewed and poured all over the counter.
I think reading your blog post jinxed me.
Whoa, what is this craziness with beans? Do yourself a favor…use ground coffee from a can.
Having laughed quietly (yet hysterically) so as not to wake the household, I will now go to bed. Good luck with the coffee.
This one made me laugh even harder than usual. The best part was when the cat was eating the coffee grounds — I got a wonderful flashback to our first family cat who, when left alone with a table full of groceries, proceeded to rip open the bag of fresh ground coffee & eat about a 1/4 pound of it! From that day on, when my mother made the morning coffee, if she didn’t take a moment to sprinkle some grounds on his food, too, there would be hell to pay!
I don’t drink coffee, but I do make it for my husband without complaint… but we do have a cafetiere, an electric kettle and pre-ground coffee (I feel a little guilty about that but we’ve no more space, not even for one small grinder).
My parents have a similar method with an aga kettle and a GIANT cafetiere (usually used with company), so it’s pretty simple even if your coffee requirements are great.
I don’t know if it would taste different though? It’s the only way I’ve ever had coffee (instant doesn’t count).
I can’t stand the taste of coffee either way and it makes my stomach hurt, but the smell, oh, the smell is scrummy and enough to wake me up all on its own… I may go and make some now just to sniff it…
Aah, I get it now, a French press IS a cafetiere… everything makes more sense, I have expanded my knowledge of the world so feel justified in making coffee, and Hubby is up so he can drink it once I have sniffed the life out of it 🙂
This made my cry in my coffee.
I don’t know how you survived this up to now, but I’m considering sending you some instant coffee. Which is an abomination unto Nuggan, but might help your husband to serve you a perfectly flavoured cup of delightful coffee.
We have a coffee maker just like yours (in terms of steps required). I haven’t messed with the timer either but what I do is set it all up the night before….cleaned, filled with beans and water, filter in, and carafe in place. All that is required when I get up is to stagger into the kitchen, press the start button and sink into a chair with eyes closed until the coffee is ready. I also try to remind myself that we don’t live in plastic tents in Haiti. Good luck!
You two need overnight IVs of coffee, so that first thing in the morning you can bounce out of bed! 😉
do the prep the night before – make it so all he has to do is push the button
It sounds as my husband! I gave away that coffee maker – not having any problems with it. I just HATED it, nothing else. French Coffee Press – solution for me!
A French press or a Melita might help. In a pinch, I make coffee the night before and put it into a Thermos. Crude, but effective.
I’m kind of with Joe on this one. I had, until recently (I’m 36) avoided making coffee. I don’t like it, I don’t drink it, but we had a guest who likes it and my husband (who doesn’t drink it but doesn’t screw it up) had already left for work. I’m not sure what I did, but there was a big mess all over my coffeemaker (a stupidly simple tiny Mr. Coffee machine) and my kitchen counter.
Easy fix. Put a coffee maker by the bed. Actually that’s such a good idea I’m going to do it myself.
This is my life. I cannot tell you the pain.
Complex machines fail, or even self-destruct like the built-in-grinder types. Timers fail to go off, or go off early and leave you burned coffee. Keurigs cost four times as much for a limited range of coffee types. My current Mr.Coffee type machine has one fancy feature (the thing that usually stops it from dripping when you take the pot out, which doesn’t fail badly very often.)
For one cup I usually use the French Press or sometimes the Aero press. For larger batches I use the Mr.Coffee-like machine, and ignore the timer – pressing the button works fine. If Joe can’t set it up in the morning, you can set it up the night before.
The big trick was getting my sleep apnea fixed – coffee’s still wonderful in the morning, but I usually don’t need to drink some of it before being capable of making more.
I vote French Press…but my parents have a Cuisinart coffee maker that even THEY have no problems setting up to make coffee in the morning for them. They grind/wash/add water the night before, set it up, and flip the switch. Coffee brews when they are getting up.
I should mention my parents are always finding new and exciting features on their television (like the return-to-last-channel button) and continue to call me (a Mac girl) for computer help with their PC. I really think Joe can do this.
If all else fails, possibly he can go into business making coffee pots with switches that work like sound boards. It will be an interface musicians everywhere understand and appreciate.
Ur meen. He so obviously needs to be the 1 still in bed. Your pretty alert to be documenting all this at oh-dark-thirty 🙂
I just read this one out to my husband and he could barely keep from splitting a gut. He said it sounded like the Skippy list, but for coffee, as in “what my husband SKIPPED to make coffee.”
My poor husband suffers so here. I’m one of those rare people that are allergic to coffee.
Buy a Keurig. 🙂 You pour water in the reservoir, plop in a premeasured pod, close the lid and press a go button.
No beans, no filters, no grinding, nothing. It’s pretty much idiot proof. 😀
Sounds like a lot of great brownie points going to waste on one of those bad fits that are SO bad you have trouble believing it is unintentional. Best of luck with your morning coffee solution. I completely sympathize and it sounds like resolution here is a big and immediate priority. If you go with french press, I recommend the kind that push all the way through- like a big syringe on top of your cup. The clean up is 100% easier than the normal french press where all the grounds get pressed to the bottom and then somehow have to be gotten out (e.g., with the crochet hook).
2 comments–the morning of a move my daughter found me grimly beating coffee beans to some sort of crumbs because I found everything but the grinder and we had moved to a country home 40 minutes from the closest town, I think it kind of scared her.
And to quote a friend “I could handle it all if everything were different”
I would die without the automatic timer thingie that allows me/him/us to put the right amount of ingredients in the proper place the night before, so that we wake to the sound of the pot and the smell of coffee. Without that timer, life would cease here.
Maybe this machine would be more to Joe’s liking? You might need to remodel the kitchen . . . .
http://voiceofthemonkey.com/2011/04/03/alfred-brews-the-first-cup-with-his-new-coffee-maker/
As an amateur writer from the United States, I seldomly come across really quality publications like your blog which really helps me inspirationally.
Would it be more feasible to set up the pot before bed, so that all Joe has to do is push the start button before his bath?
This one step makes things so much simpler in our caffiene-dependent household of 4 coffee drinkers. I too must have coffee first thing in the morning.
It’s bad enough that, at Christmas, my sister gave me a magnet that reads “I drink coffee so I don’t have to kill you.”
my mother got a Kurig to avoid situations like that. I’ll admit it is expencive but the coffee is in pre-ground pre-measured cups and depending on the type of maker you get it has a large water reservoir and fills different sized cups as well. I love it. 🙂
Oh dear… I made the mistake of reading this at work… and then was hard pressed to explain when my co-worker walked into my office, why I was laughing so hard that I was crying.
It was likely not your intention, but thank-you for giving me a good laugh.
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