Joe has been out of town this week, and I keep trying to think of all the really great things that I should be doing, since I’m unencumbered by marital responsibility, and I swear that despite my best efforts, I can’t come up with anything that I really want to do that I can’t usually do because he’s here.

The best I’ve done is that I’ve eaten two things he doesn’t care for (it probably isn’t worth mentioning that I don’t really care for them either, I was just making a point) watched a movie that had no explosions in it, and have slept diagonally in our bed just because I can. These activities have been less fulfilling than expected.

Tonight though, oh, tonight.  Tonight is a night of potential.  Tonight, my sister and I are going to see Prince.  Me and Prince, in case you don’t know, have a really long history together.  It started in 1984 when I was sixteen, and we’ve been close ever since.  (If by close you understand that by close, I mean spiritually close – or as close as you can be when one of you is completely devoted to the other, and the that other has no idea who their soul-mate is.  Like that – though I’m not saying who’s who in that scenario.)

In my secret heart, I believe that the only thing standing between Prince,  me and a lifetime of happiness together is that we’ve never physically met – in the real world.  (My secret heart also believes several other things, like that we could totally overcome our religious differences, and that the fact that I’m 5’1" and he’s 5’2" has always been the strongest indicator of this truth.) Seven years ago, the last time that Prince and I were together, I realized a bunch of stuff about our relationship, not the least of which was that while both he and I realize that our life paths are taking us in different directions,  I had the shocking discovery that despite being a loyal wife to a wonderful man, and despite being the slightly dumpy mother of three near adult women… I would still totally sleep with Prince if he asked me. 

This morning my sister and I were discussing just that, and I said that I knew that it was a little ethically disappointing to discover that was still true. That no matter how freaky the king of funk gets, I just keep on wanting him.  That if I had the chance (and were that chance  now not biologically past me) that I would bear him as many tiny little babies as he wanted.  (There has never been any doubt in my mind that the products of our union would be vertically challenged.  Neither Prince nor I am bringing much to the table there.)  Erin sighed, and asked me what I was planning on wearing.  (She has a really great outfit planned, which makes me wonder about the sense of bringing your better looking, well dressed younger sister to your rendezvous with your soul-mate) and I said that I was just going to wear jeans and a tee shirt, because if Prince cares what I’m wearing, he’s not the man I thought he was.  (Ditto for the unshaved armpits.  I don’t care if he man-scapes his. Our love is perfect and oblivious.)  I’m going to be me, and he’s going to be him and all will be as the universe has ordained. 

When I got off the phone with Erin I decided that maybe I would at least where a clean tee-shirt.  I bet Prince would  appreciate that effort, and that’s when the phone rang, and it was Joe, calling home.  He asked what I was doing, and I said that I was getting ready for Prince, and he chuckled, and told me to have a great time, and I said "You do know Joe, that I am going to sleep with him if I get the chance?" and Joe said "I know baby,  I know you would."  and we laughed for a few minutes and discussed the free pass Joe would have, would Parker Posey only knock on our front door looking for him, and we hung up. 

The thing is, that when I got off the phone, I realized that I’m really only sort of kidding, and right now, I’m sitting here drinking coffee, and realizing that there’s only one redeeming thing about the very real truth that I would sleep with Prince if he asked me. 

He does have to ask.  I’m not a hussy.

197 thoughts on “Potential

  1. Sounds like a kaneering (sp?) picture to me!
    So different, you and I. I LONG for the days when my husband is out of town – NO meals to fix and the cat and I can commune in a cocoon!

  2. Sleeping diagonally in the bed is awesome! Although, my boyfriend had a really ugly surprise one morning when I got up first. He woke up, realized he was alone and did what I like to call “the diagonal fling”. He forgot that we were in his niece’s “growing up” bed that is only about 24″ wide. He flung, wacked his head on the safety rail and then flung himself onto a pile of toys next to the bed on the rebound. Totally ruined the whole diagonal thing for him that morning.

  3. My bad boy would be Tim Riggins, character on Friday Night Lights. Makes sense to have your dream cheat be a character on a tv show, right?

  4. It’s Eddie Vedder for me! I’d like to think he would have to ask, but I’m not so sure it would be necessary.

  5. So glad to know that I am not alone in my middle aged Prince adoration/fantasy. I have had this adoration/fantasy for nearly 30 years. Not going away any time soon. Let him know that there is someone in northern California still waiting to be asked.

  6. Bruno Mars, no matter what bad things he’s done, I’m sure he’s past that now and ready for a serious relationship – with me!

  7. Look, everybody, fantasies are all well and good, but do think a bit before you post the name of your personal dreamboat (hard to find a genteel way to say that) in the comments.
    We’re only supposed to believe right along with her…and ask if she plans to wear her bra under that clean t-shirt.

  8. Chris Pine all the way, baby. And Jorja Fox.
    Of course, I’m single so it doesn’t really matter but…still. I like to be prepared to know who my free pass would be.

  9. My husband has a longstanding crush on Parker Posey too. See also Bjork. Oddly, he married me, blonde and a good inch (and a half) taller than he is.
    When I asked about this seeming contradiction he said “Well, my heart is smarter than my head.”
    (good save!)

  10. Presbytera – I think Harlot’s habit of NOT wearing a bra comes in handy here.
    Also, tuck a pair of cute panties into you purse for throwing!

  11. I have had the exact same relationship with Neil Young since I was thirteen.
    That was a very, very long time ago.
    But I had it all planned. We would meet. He would realize that I was his soul mate. He would return for me when I was 18, and we would get married and move to Ontario and have a horse ranch. I, of course, would travel with the band, performing the very important tasks of sitting in the front row worshipfully during shows, and then cleaning microphone cords and coiling them up neatly after the show (you know about that when you have less successful musicians in your own family).
    Alas, we never met, so my whole plan failed, and worse, I was a hussy, because I had very similar feelings about George Harrison.

  12. P.S. If I ever actually DO meet Neil Young, I will probably babble out something like, “thanks for all the music.” But an old cowgirl can always dream, eh?
    For my husband, it’s Hallie Berry.

  13. Prince is also on my “short list”. In the top 5 definitely. Have a blast, get another sock photo, and most importantly: Remember the Details! if He asks…..

  14. Alright! I can’t wait to see a pic of Prince holding a sock. You do plan to knit at the concert, right? Only kidding!

  15. Steph, you crack me up. Prince? I have to pop off now and see if he’s changed in any way in the last hrumph years (not saying how many) because there’s just that possibility that he somehow got really hot since I last looked.
    I trust your judgement on wool but your fantasy relationships – not so much.

  16. I think I am one of the few people in the U.S. not in the retail industry but working the day after Thanksgiving. This thread is immensely cheering. Have fun tonight. And wear purple. Or am I totally confused by Purple Rain and he doesn’t wear purple?
    Entertainers don’t do much more me, but I had a major crush on a particular NY Ranger that I maybe have not got past.

  17. Oh my, I know how you feel…. only mine’s Tom Selleck! I’m sorry, but I would NOT climb over him to get to my husband…

  18. Yep…my hubby knows that if Sean Connery ever knocked on our door, he’d just hear the echo of “Dinner’s in the fridge, honey!” as the door slammed and the Astin Martin screeched out of the driveway. Or a BMW. I’m not fussy.

  19. We all have our free pass. Mine is Eddie Vedder. Slightly younger generation, same devoted obsession! There is just something about that first rock star love.

  20. I’ve been waiting for Sir Paul since the 60’s. He still hasn’t caught my vibe. Good luck (May all your dreams come true).

  21. OH! If Joe is a Parker Posey fan and he hasn’t already… he MUST see Josie And The Pussycats. Parker Posey is fabulous (and funny) in that movie.

  22. I’m older than you are so…looks to see if anyone is reading…Roger Daltrey. Prince is a fine fine choice, however. Party on, Steph!

  23. Jon Bon Jovi. Or Michael Buffer. I’m at the age now when my “older man” crushes have either died or moved from “older man” to just plain old man.
    Hope you have a terrific time! I’d go with black velvet jeans, a white ruffled blouse and a purple Noro vest. And purple socks. Throw a matching pair to Prince and you’re one step closer, soul-mate wise.

  24. Whatever you wear make sure it’s purple and your shoes are flats. I’ve seen Prince up close, and he’s tiny. 😉

  25. Ha. My first concert without my parents was Prince’s Purple Rain (my parents had NO idea what his music was about or else I never would have been able to go) when I was 13. It was 1983, St. Paul Civic center in St. Paul, MN…yeah, Prince’s home town. It was freaking AWESOME! I have the program stashed away somewhere…I think. Anyway, that set the bar pretty high for my future concerts!
    And my free pass would be Viggo Mortensen. Dressed up as Aragorn.

  26. If your blog title had been Prince, I would have known I was in for a really big laugh (more so than usual). Instead, the subject matter came as a surprise, and I ended up laughing so hard that tears were running down my face, and it all ended in a coughing fit.
    I do have one question, though. If Prince does ask, what are you going to do with Erin–make her stand in the hallway while you “get cozy” with Prince?? Good luck tonight! Personally, I’m holding out for Nathan Fillian.
    Mary G. in Texas

  27. hahaha ok ok, I totally get this. I feel the same about Neil Gaiman. And we met in his worst book signing on Brasil. Oh, my, soooooo yummy…
    (ok, I’m digressing 😉

  28. But you are the Harlot. I hope your ‘working class breasts’ don’t get between you and your Prince.
    I am sure the clean T shirt is a good idea.
    I can’t think of anyone I lust/fantasise for, but my husband does say that I ‘wouldn’t get excited if my arse was on fire’! LOL.

  29. I think your Joe beats Prince in every category…just sayin’…(no hidden suggestive meanings there, I promise…)

  30. I have a ticket to see Chris Isaak on Dec 10, including an all-access backstage pass. I call him “The Man-God”–he doesn’t need to ask. I’m still thinking about how to get a chloroformed singer past his bandmates, roadies, and security, into my car, and out somewhere private where I can convince him that he wants to marry me.

  31. Oh my, this could have been written by me, exactly the same story.
    Only, poor me lives in Europe and is 5’8″ so I might have slightly better chances to catch his eye, but that will be it. Sigh.
    (wanders off to find the digital copy of her Purple Rain album – the first I ever bought!)

  32. Here’s the thing about Prince – I saw him perform about7 years ago at a sold-out Madison Square Garden, and I can guarantee you that every single person in that audience, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, and every other classification, was Prince’s for the asking. At least you are going into the concert with this knowledge beforehand – I think the guy next to me was taken by surprise by the realization and it might have distracted him from the booty-shaking he was there to do.
    Hope it’s everything you’re hoping for! xo

  33. Gawd…now I have Purple Rain stuck in my head. Cheers to that. I have to say its been awhile since anyone stirred me the way my husband does…until I just watched a Ryan Gosling movie…HELLLLLOOOOO.

  34. It has been a long time since my spouse was gone overnight but I chuckled about watching a movie without explosions and eating food your spouse doesn’t like. Before my husband retired I prepared for his out of town journeys by renting a “chick flick” and fixing myself spinach: spinach salad in the summer, spinach souffle in the fall and winter.
    I’ve been happily and faithfully married for 27 years but Denzel Washington wouldn’t have to ask twice:)

  35. Oh, I’m so jealous! I saw him about 4 years ago, and it’s amazing. And, I totally agree with your ‘plan’ should circumstances permit. And, like Joe, my partner would understand. Have a lot of fun.

  36. I was wondering if Prince talked Lynda the Guppy’s ear off when they met that time — she was proably all like”Jeez Prince … just call Steph. I am so tired of your nattering on about her. Yeah, Joe’s a big guy … but you and Steph are soulmates” The he must have chickened out (even Prince gets the jitters!). Good luck tonight – I am sure he will ask!
    A few years back, my hubby and I went to see the Stones, and camped out – the night before the concert there were helicopters that kept flying overhead – it had to have been Mick looking for me in the sea of tents, drat! I missed my chance – you should not miss yours (wear nice underwear, just in case!)

  37. As an American who lives in the Metro Detroit area & watches LOTS of CBC–fell for Richard Seguin years ago–saw him interview on Adrienne Clarkson Presents. And why someone doesn’t put that on Youtube I don’t know. And by the way I don’t speak French (even with a French great-grandfather)…I still listen to his music. And hunt down translations of lyrics. P.S. Also, Paul Gross, & then there’s my boyfriend George Strombo, but he has a wife & two kids, so…it’s easier to fantasy about someone when you don’t know their personal life! Yep, entirely too much time watching the CBC (and knitting). Oh, and Rick Mercer…

  38. I told Dave – 30 years ago now, that if Paul McCartney ever knocked on the door and asked me to leave with him, I would. I understand that Dave would do the same if Gates McFadden ever came a calling.
    Oh – btw – I’d really love your miso – spinach and mushroom soup recipe. I’ve been drooling over it since you tweeted about it earlier in the week. Please give a girl a break and share. Many thanks!!!

  39. I totally get your devotion to Prince…he’s been my little obsession for close on 30 years! Enjoy…I’m green with envy 😉

  40. My only disappointment in life is being 5’6″ and having Prince completely out of my league, or I’m out of his league. Whatever. I’m glad he’s yours.

  41. OMG! I have a long history with Prince too! Mine also goes back to 1984 and The Purple Rain tour. (sigh) I hope you have a great time!

  42. Hmm but you are a harlot. Hope you had a heavenly time, that is one talented musician to adore.

  43. If Joe really REALLY wanted to meet Parker Posey, she often walks her dog through the Flatiron district in NYC. Maybe he can give the dog a ‘busybee’ and prove his love.

  44. I agree with everything you said as I’ve had a secret crush on Prince for years. You just put it so much better than I could.

  45. i’m so jealous! i’ve been a fan since he started too. he’s a musical genius, and if he ever came around this area (not likely) i would be crazy with excitement. have a great time!

  46. Alan Doyle (of Great Big Sea, for the Americans — probably most of you — who don’t know who he is — there’s a few of us devoted fans here south of the border, at least!). First time I saw him, in about 1997, I knew that from that moment on my husband wouldn’t stand a chance if it so happened that Alan asked me. And I’m such a wanton he might not even *have* to ask me! I just try to pretend I don’t know he’s too many years younger than I am, a number of inches shorter, and happily married. What are the facts when lust is in the picture?

  47. this post could have been written by my daughter when i took her to see rick springfield a few weeks ago. she told her husband she’d be sleeping with him & he told her to have fun.
    i’m half way through your new book & laughing as ever.

  48. Oh, my…having a steamy moment thinking about Bruce Springsteen (in any of his scraggly beard Asbury Park incanations to his totally buff and greying current self)…wiping steamy brow…
    OK, DH will be having his Jennifer Aniston moment (with her current nose, I might rudely mention), but I’ll be cooking with THE BOSS…sigh…
    Off to Fantasy Island, without the faintest whiff of fine Corenthian leather….

  49. OK, since we’re playing this game. I would NOT hesitate to put Alex O’Loughlin on my mantle so that I could look at him and drool anytime I’d want. However, for a romantic dinner, hands down it would be Tom Selleck. At least I could have an intelligent conversation with the man, vs an unintelligent giggling fit with Alex.
    Am I giving away my decade of birth?

  50. Enjoy the concert Stephanie! I saw Prince at Maple Leaf Gardens in 1988 and it was great. There was a red corvette on the stage and I couldn’t believe that I was there singing his songs!

  51. My co-worker, her 20 something daughter & I agree with you – there’s just something about Prince.

  52. You do you realize that with the Internet being what it is—and your blog so popular,best selling author,etc… Prince just might be thinking, “damn, I wish the Yarn Harlot wasn’t married because I bet she could show me a thing or two…You never know…maybe he’s one of your closeted fans…maybe he knits..just sayin’…

  53. oh, i am so jealous! I saw Prince in Hartford CT in 1985 – floor seats & I caught his purple spangled belt when he threw it into the audience. Still have it somewhere…. might have to go searching now that you’ve mentioned him. Attended a Garth Brooks concert in 1994, while 4 months pregnant with my second child. As I was standing next to my husband’s sister @ the concert, I announced that I would leave my husband and follow Garth anywhere. Lucky for my husband, Garth didn’t ask 🙂

  54. OK….still laughing. I feel the same way about Jon Bon Jovi. We both keep getting better looking with age. I would be on that in a New York minute. My hubby says he’s still waiting for Heather Locklear to call. ROFL….laughing is good!!! Have a rip roaring good time!

  55. The hubby and I have the same arrangements, but with different “stars”…Tony Stewart for me (racecar driver–SIGH, if only!), and Raquel Welch for him! There was an episode of Friends that dealt with this as well, LOL. Say hi to his Purpleness for me and have a great time! 🙂

  56. So I am assuming you have a raspberry beret? I totally get it, I made a deal with DH, if Michelle Phiefer asks he can sleep with her, and I get Alec Baldwin or George Clooney. I did meet George once, (awesome!) but he didn’t ask me to bed, nor did he seem to picking up on my body language or my blatant attempts at suggestive eye contact! Poor Michelle and George, they don’t know what they’re missing.

  57. George and I have a long-standing agreement that if Johnny Depp ever knocks on the door, poor George is going to a lonely night. I will have to tackle and stomp my daughter into the carpet to beat her to Johnny, but since I think he’s busy tonight… I suppose there’re both safe. For now.

  58. Ha ha. Good luck! I have a couple that I wouldn’t mind going for…especially the ones that are built. I like muscles.
    Ever thought about what you would knit for Prince? Maybe you should throw something knitted up on stage. 🙂

  59. Omg!!! You are toooooo funny! Hope you had an awesome time at the concert! And should Prince sweep you off of your feet and away, he should know we still expect (desperately hope) to see you on here!

  60. I love this post! I have quite a few secret boyfriends -it’s not a secret to my friends, but the guys don’t even know they are my boyfriends yet. Patrick Stewart and Nathan Fillion top the list – I have a thing for captains :>

  61. Have fun looking for the purple banana until they put you in the truck!
    And, for me, all it would take would be a few whispered words from Sir Patrick Stewart, and I’d move at warp speed to “Make it so!”

  62. Eddie Vedder is my Prince. My husband knows, and he’s ok with it. I think he knows I’m serious. Those eyes…those hands… mmmmm

  63. No, no, no, NO! It’s Tom Selleck for me-I don’t care HOW badly I’m dating myself. That man has only gotten better with age. Sigh.

  64. Wheoo, when this started I thought of the HUGE projects you have put together other times when Joe has been gone. I was hoping, after launch, various knitting camps/workshops, signings and all that travewl – that you weren’t going to re-do the upstairs or re-set the heating system or all the windows or pull out the bathroom for a re-do or the entire back yard, or some such building/painting Yarn Harlotry. I’m glad it is Prince and a clean t-shirt.

  65. Oh yeah. Prince has that something. Always has. woah. Johnny Depp is on that list for me too, but he has to dress up as Capt Sparrow.

  66. just substitute rob zombie for prince and the lead singer of lacuna coil for parker posey and you have me and my husband. yikes. (don’t shave the armpits. you gotta have standards- and prince understands, i just know it.)

  67. On a YouTube clip, Lopez interviewed Prince, who brought the guitar he donated for auction (a race car driver bought it for $100,000). The proceeds (along with $2m from his concerts) will be donated. Wouldn’t it be great if he knew about Doctors Without Borders so you two could collaborate?

  68. I knew I liked you before, but now that I know that you love Prince as much as I do, I like you even more!

  69. You know why I love this post so much? Because it makes me seem less crazy when I talk (unprompted, frequently, sometimes inappropriately) about Bruce Springsteen. Yes, I have a little moment on the anniversary of The Day I Touched Bruce Springsteen. I briefly considered getting a tattoo of the date it happened on my left wrist, The Hand That Touched Bruce. I am considering travelling to Sweden to see him next July because there are three Bruce-related items on my bucket list: actually meet him, sleep with him, and see him play in Europe. That last one is possibly doable. Of course, it almost all seems doable given that one of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009 was “touch Bruce” and then it happened, so ya never know. Keep the faith, Steph.

  70. Ha! This is one of my favorite posts of yours ever. And the comments are delightful. My heart belongs to David Tennant. The lovely acting, the Scottish dialect, Doctor Who. All of it. Sigh.

  71. I must admit that I have a small stable of favorites I’ve accumulated over the 7 plus decades of my life. Clooney is there, and Colin Firth, and a few sports figures – oh, I’d better not even get started. It’s late, and I have to go to bed. With 2nd hubby of 25 years, who’s been sound asleep for 5 hours or so. I’m really a fickle chick, I tell you…..maybe in my next life…..

  72. What a great post! It’s almost as much fun reading all the comments as it was reading the post! I do understand what you mean because my husband and I have the same arrangement. While I do like Prince and his music, I’m just a wee bit too tall for him. That’s ok though, because Hugh Jackman is out there waiting for me, he just doesn’t know it yet LOL! I’ve been married a long time and yet I would be bad with Hugh if I had the chance. My husband says thats ok as long as he gets the same chance with Olivia Wilde. Hugh wouldn’t have to ask me either! (Apparently I’m more of a hussy than I realized!) I also have a thing for Nathan Fillion. Yes, I realize that not only am I bad, but I’m fickle too. But Nathan Fillion has those great eyes and is just too funny. Sigh! Yep fickle, that’s me!

  73. My husband and I have had our free pass list for many years now. It’s nice to hear that another couple out there does too.
    Mine is Vin Diesel, Jason Stratham and both Wahlberg brothers. His is Charlise Theron and that chick from the Underworld movies.

  74. For me it is George Clooney and Harrison Ford, For the hubby it is Drew Barrymore! Ahhhh the freebie list!

  75. Prince and Parker Posey…that is awesome. Me, I go for that dirty sexy Robert Downy Jr.

  76. Made me smile…. Prince lifts my heart every time I hear his music….Yep would definatly have a horizontal liason with his royal badness!!!! xx

  77. I feel the same way about Jon Bon Jovi. All he would need to do is wink and I would be his. I saw him in concert here in Edinburgh in June. I think he sang throughout the two hours I looked at him, but I just didn’t notice.

  78. Prince, huh. They do say good things come in small packages. He’s not my taste, but whatever works for you.
    For me it Tori Belleci of Mythbusters fame. He’s cute, but add curious about science and smart and it equals hot!!

  79. Who said you can only write about your knitting experiences?? This was one of your absolutely funniest pieces–and not a sock pictured nor a cardi discussed!! I’m still chuckling.

  80. Parker Posey did a wonderful turn in “Blade: Trinity”, which Joe would totally enjoy if he hasn’t seen it already.
    There are several gents I always sigh over when watching DVDs, and once my son became a teenager, he was always outraged! It was a great way to twit him about his action heroes. Right now, Robert Downey in Iron Man is at the top of my list.
    But sleeping diagonal – I am with you there. The cats fit on the bed better.

  81. I always wanted to give Tom Jones my underwear. So your vision, if only a vision is not a bad one at all. Enjoy it while you can. Teri.

  82. Can’t wait to hear about the show – I bet Prince was awesome! I get a pass to run off with Bono, whom I had a moment with here in Boston from about 3 feet away (I’m sure he remembers… maybe?) or Chris Isaak. Ah… It’s good to have a plan – just in case…

  83. You go girl!!! I totally understand what you mean about life long obsession – ooops I mean connection to Prince. I have had the same thing with Paul Stanley of KISS since 1980.
    But, yes he MUST ask first LOL

  84. Hilarious! My husband and I have the same arrangement. No worries though, the likelihood of either of us being asked for coitus by our sou-mates is slim to none. but a girl can dream.

  85. …I have one too: Rain. The only reason we’re not together this minute is because he has no idea I’m alive…and right now he’s doing his mandatory two-year Korean military service, anyway. Sigh. Ok. The fact that he lives in Asia and I live in the Americas and he’s 20 years younger than me probably has something to do with it, too.

  86. Wow, that took me back. Remember when MTV was new and “1999” seemed SO far into the future? Ooooooooh, the When Doves Cry video.
    My infidelity credits are Ciarán Hinds (circa 1995), Harrison Ford (circa the 1st Indiana Jones movie), and George Clooney (anytime). Not sure who’s on my husband’s list.

  87. I don’t think anybody is dating themselves by mentioning Tom Selleck. I’ve had a mad crush on him since I was old enough to watch an entire rerun of Magnum P.I. through. So, if this 24 year old can be in fantasy-love with him, I won’t assume anybody’s decade is more than mine!
    Hope Prince was a blast!

  88. A friend of ours ( and amazing guitarist) used to play with Prince. I’ll ask her if she can set you up. Totally spontaneous of course, so he has a chance to ask you with out it seeming set up.

  89. Well, it would have been Sean Rafferty for me — a BBC Radio 3 presenter with a quick, intelligent wit and the sexiest voice ever, until I had the chance to go to a live recording of his programme. Off I went, abandoning husband and 2 daughters without a qualm … and discovered that Sean Rafferty is in his 60s, on the plump side, and looks and dresses like a (very charming) defrocked priest. End of romance, though I do still love his voice. I asked my saintly husband whether he had a candidate for elopement, and bless his heart, he said he wouldn’t say no to a jam session (but no more) with Bonnie Raites. He’s a better man than I am (Gunga Din).
    By the way, in a totally unrelated development — I found a fantastic if unlikely knitting photograph on the BBC website. Ignore the chicken, just look at the knitting! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/in-pictures-15887487

  90. yes. a thousand times yes. i saw prince in LA last year & he was sooooo gooooood. and i admire the perfect purity of your love: “I’m going to be me, and he’s going to be him and all will be as the universe has ordained.”

  91. I clicked on the link (since I didn’t know who Parket Posey was) and it has to be said. She looks like you. No wonder Joe is attracted………….

  92. Two words: Sean Bean.
    Last time I checked, my husband was up for Sienna Miller or Piper Perabo.

  93. Just had to laugh. To each her own. My man would be Cary Grant (if he were not dead and like 90 years old by now). George Clooney is a close second.

  94. Interesting recurring themes of a certain generation here: Selleck, Vedder, Stewart, Clooney …. Prince? I would probably break Prince — snap like a twig, he would.
    How tall is Robert Downey Jr., you think? (speaking of another recurring theme)

  95. Viggo Mortensen, oh my! We could even speak Danish and maybe have a private conversation that way!
    Hope the concert was all you wished it to be!
    By the way: my husband says he sleeps with “Halle Berry” as people often think that is my name, not Helle!

  96. Prince is at the top of your, what our household lovingly calls, the Celebrity One-Out List. Our rules are that each person gets to pick 5 celebs to be on his/her list. The rest is, as you say, the ask: you sleep with them. No marital repercussions. Top of my list has always been Richard Dreyfus (yep. short, nebbishy, intellectual, Jewish actor old enough to be my father!). But these days I’m leaning HEAVILY toward Nathan Fillion. Also on my really odd list are Alan Rickman (sexiest voice EVER) and Gerard Depardieu (I wouldn’t sleep with him ‘cuz his attitude toward women is deplorable, but I would lock him in a room and make him talk to me non-stop for several hours – second sexiest voice EVER).

  97. Thanks so much for a gut laugh. So reassuring to know we all have a lot in common ( but Prince, no not for me. Clive Owen, Colin Firth, maybe). Alas they don’t sing.

  98. Alan Alda of the MASH era, or Anthony Stewart Head from Buffy, or David Tennant (a little young, I suppose). Do these identify me as a nerd?

  99. I used to have a thing for Michael Bolton (got to go backstage once and meet him;he was really, really nice). These days, though, I’m thinking Johnny Depp.

  100. Ed Ames. Tall, Jewish, speaks 7 languages, and is a Lincoln scholar. Oh yeah, he sings a little,too.

  101. I have always known (well, for the 3 or 4 years I’ve been reading your blog and books) that we shared a connection deeper than knitting. It’s Prince!! I hope you had a fabulous time.

  102. You know, if you knit him a special pair of thigh-high socks I bet he’d wear them. The question is.. alpaca and silk lace, Fair Isle thick & wooly, or something Estonian perhaps?
    He might even ask. 😉

  103. Ok, I can’t let this go…watch Tom Selleck in ANY of his ‘Jesse Stone’ movies and tell me I’d have to share…ok, I wouldn’t share, but you’d want me to…double sigh…

  104. Back in my single days, it would have been Johnny Depp, Jon Bon Jovi, or Robert Downey Jr. (or Val Kilmer, but only as Madmartigan). Now? While I still think they’re hot, wouldn’t ditch my husband for any of them.
    My husband says, too, he wouldn’t cheat on me for anyone, mostly because 98% of celebrities nowadays are too scrawny. On his “before I met the perfect woman” (aww!) list, though, would have been Rachel Welsh and Marilyn Monroe (only as a brunette).

  105. I don’t get Prince, but I do get the fantasy… and this is a great post. But oh, my, isn’t it going to bring the freaks out en masse? I mean, if you can’t even mention having a beer, or speak of breast-feeding without censure, doesn’t the woolly world /implode/ if the Yarn Harlot ponders sex with another man?
    Oh … and me, my husband, and Johnny Depp have the same triangular relationship 😉 I sooooo would.

  106. So, recently I went to a dance party that was supposed to be:
    Michael (Jackson)
    Lady Gaga
    Britney (Spears)
    It was on a boat on the Delaware river in Philadelphia and my friend and I were probably 2 or 6 people over the age of 21. (I’m 28)
    They only played music from those 6 people. Needless to say, the first group won hands down in just sheer awesomeness. But what was totally hilarious was watching kids under the age of 21 dance to “Raspberry Beret”- it was like they didn’t know what to do with their bodies!
    Hope it was great. Thanks for making me smile.
    My celebrity: The Rock- he seems like a sensitive pro wrestler and wow, he’s as impressive in real life. wow.

  107. You are a RIOT! I live in the same city as Prince… well, if he still lives in Minneapolis, i.e. For me, it’s Kevin Costner. I did follow him in 16 holes at a golf tournament and stood close enough to count how many eyelashes he has. And we even talked. I asked him, “When does The Guardian come out”.. He replied, “This Fall”… My husband has give me permission to sleep with him if he asked. I replied, “I’m not giving you permission to sleep with Angelina Jolie if she asksed.”

  108. I just read your post, and howled. Laughed hard enough that I scared the cats and dogs, laughed until I had tears. Joe’s secret desire, Parker Posey, tells me almost more about the fantabulous man you have than the episode with the truck getting stuck. And I totally agree with you about Prince (except I’m 5’9″, and the logistics might be a little awkward). But my heart still belongs to Tony Bennett.

  109. Ah, yes. I did have a tender & sweet moment when I was serenaded by a Steamin’ Hunk o’ Love at a concert near Seattle. Unfortunately, I had just eaten a huge pile of stir fry (lots of onions) for dinner. As he knelt and we were forehead to forehead, I couldn’t help but think he must be ready to gag. But he didn’t. He sang on oh so tenderly. Weird Al Yankovic & I will always have Puyallup. . .

  110. Hope you enjoyed the show. If it matters (and you haven’t received that invitation yet), I live about 5 miles from his Paisley Park studio so you could come here and knit in between stalking him there. Think about it.

  111. When my husband was away on business for two-plus weeks once, I put the LOTR movies in the DVD player and played them with the cast commentary on. It makes the house seem less empty.
    We have the same deal for celebrity sleepovers, but he gets Gina Davis and I get Paul Gross.

  112. I met him at an airport once, many years ago. Well, not so much met him as watched him sitting on the floor while his entourage played ring-around-the-rosey while he rocked a bit. He was wearing a pink poncho and orange pants with these beautiful purple platform shoes that actually went quite well together. He was surprisingly petite, and had the most beautiful bone structure…

  113. As always, you make me smile, bring tears to my eyes, make me want to knit 24-7 and make me laugh out loud and hard! I love you, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee! I cannot wait to get your new book! So proud of all you do!!!

  114. You and me both! I just love Prince too! I knew there was another reason why I liked you! Have tons of fun! (Pic of socks?)

  115. Richard Gere for sure and all of the main guys of the Eagles Band. It was on my bucket list to see them really up close. Almost cost us the mortgage but front row center it had to be. Obviously I’m a more “mature” kind of gal in age.

  116. I love how you find happiness in small things. Sleeping diagonally on the bed? So, does Joe also have this ‘list of things to do when Stephanie is out of town’? It would be interesting to know what’s on that list: who his ‘Princess’ is.

  117. So right there with you, Stephanie. The first concert I went to (at 14) was a Prince concert, and it was like someone had packaged Sexual Awakening in purple silk and put that on stage.

  118. You made my day, thank you so much for sharing this! I have to admit to having a crush on my dentist. When I was a child he was my hero! He was a professional rower who won the world champion ship 4 times and even went to the olympic games once. He trained in the same rowing club my parents went to (my dad was just a regular weekend rower, my mum did not row at all) so that’s how I knew him. I am sure he never knew me. But now he’s my dentist and that’s a pretty close relationship I think 😉

  119. When Jerry Garcia died, my husband was sorry the world had lost such a great talent but pointed out that the likelihood I would ever be unfaithful to him had just dropped by about 100%. OTOH, I have noticed that Angelina Jolie is stalking him When he was in Thailand she picked up her Thai baby, and stayed in the very same hotel! and then a few years later they were in some country at the same time – Costa Rica, mebbe? Whatever. That hussy better watch her P’s & Q’s.
    And when the spouse goes away, I watch costume dramas, and knit, and try to sleep sideways but the dogs are bed hogs and won’t permit me.

  120. The Ex and I used to joke that it was a good thing Sam Shepard and Jessica Lange were a couple, since we could doubledate with them and get each of our “passes” validated.

  121. My husband and I have had a similar discussion. His “Free Pass” is Sophia Loren (Yes, she’s 77 and he’s 48. He still thinks she’s the hottest thing going, altho the redhead from Mad Men is giving her a run for her money) and mine changes over the years. Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman are right up there at the moment.

  122. Soooooo, did you knit? I did at Paul Simon’s show a couple of weeks ago. Met another knitter in my row as well. She hadn’t brought hers and was quite sorry.

  123. Bruce–always & ever.
    Seeing Springsteen live was on my bucket list–negotiated letting my husband buy a boat in order for me to drive four hours & leave him & kids for a night in order to see him in concert.
    Prince though? Always a guilty listening pleasure that husband & sons just don’t get. Also the best live performance in a Superbowl halftime show in recent history (yes, even beating His Bruceness–except for the knee slide into the cameraman).

  124. Two words, folks: Bruce Willis. I LOVE my boyfriend, but even my daughter can tell you who is number one in my book. For my dear boyfriend, it would have to be Beyonce. He loves a good tush. Don’t we all?

  125. Nah. You can have him. But I liked that stephanie (of the comments)has him on her “short list”. At 5’2″ surely he’s on everyone’s short list.

  126. There is nothing wrong with your love for Prince. He wouldn’t be my choice, but that just makes it better.
    Of course, my husband and I both have a thing for George Takei. Unfortunately, my husband has an unfair advantage! Thankfully, the possibilities are woefully low for either of us.

  127. I share your deep love of Prince. I had the opportunity to run into him (yes, literally) on the stairs at First Avenue in the winter of 1984/1985. He was on his way down, I was on the way up. I did get to look him right in the eyes – I’m 5’2″ as well. It was amazing, heart stopping. Then I looked up and saw Big Chick glaring at me and scurried out of the way. So jealous that you had another chance to be in the room with him.

  128. I hear you, sister. My list: Liam Neeson, Brendan Fraser, Bono, and I’m allowed 2 others since “Friends”.
    I know Prince’s neighbors. Or at least where he did live in the Twin Cities. Shall I wave a sock his way in your honour?

  129. Wondering how much or what type of a wool stash he would need before he wouldn’t even have to ask 😉

  130. Got a kick out of this post! It gave me a hankering to hear “Little Red Corvette”. I’ve always liked The Artist, but it never developed into a crush. In my active fantasy life, however, I have had babies with the guys in Rush. They are the antithesis of rock stars like Prince – no glamour or lavish costumes, just 40+ years of making incredible music. The most brilliant musicians I have ever heard! (I guess to nerdy gals like me, that alone is “hot”.) I never miss a Rush concert. And they are from your home town, Steph, so they have that going for ’em too! =)

  131. You and I have the same attitudes in common, mine is just for John T. of Duran Duran. I am happy to hear the concert went well (read that post first as i am a bit behind this week) so i had to read the previous days blog. lol hugs to you my dear.

  132. I have a love for Prince as well so I completely understand. I appreciate that you would make him ask. I think I would just offer to get the ball rolling. 🙂 I was so expecting some purple knitting for the occasion though. If you ever get a chance to be close to the stage, you should have a knit item on hand to throw at him.

  133. best post ever….
    you harlot, not hussy, you.
    I hope you have a wonderful time tonight!!!

  134. david stockdale, from whitesnake, simply could have replaced a 20 year old tawny kitaen with a 20 year old me. I don’t care that he’s sixty. he’s still so smoking hot I want to cry when his videos come on.

  135. After reading this post I dug out my CD of Purple Rain and am delighted to have been reacquainted with the genius that is the music of Prince. Those classic albums of the 1980s were the soundtrack to my teenage years. Whilst I am pleased to say that I no longer harbour any desire to sleep with the pint-sized one I think the music has stood the test of time and is as sexy as ever.

  136. Hi Stephanie and Natalie
    I tried to write to Natalie this evening on my
    “official” bookstore e-mail. The e-address you
    provided would not go through! Help! Natalie
    would you please write to me at events@booksq.com
    so I might make my plea for a visit to Providence,
    RI. Great veggie food. Locally brewed beer. Lots
    of New England Knitters. Note the capital K in
    Knitters. Plus lovely yarn for memories.

  137. If this doesn’t make it into your next book, I’ll be disappointed. This was truly bust-a-gut funny.
    HOWEVER: I still have my lace gloves from high school Prince concerts. We might have to arm wrestle over His Royal Funky Hotness.

  138. Would you believe Bruce Willis? But then, my hubby looks like him—bald and bashed about a bit.I never was much for “pretty boys”

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