Gifts for Knitters: Days 24 and 25
These are gifts, my darling non-knitters, that you can give to a knitter without any money, any time, or any planning, and I personally guarantee that they will be appreciated more than anything else you can do. They are as follows:
I am sure you respect your knitter every day, but let me just take a minute to speak to you about knitting respect. Knitting may look like stuff made out of yarn, but it isn’t. Knitting is actually a container, that your knitter has filled with time and love. Time that they chose to give to another person, that they could have spent doing anything else in the world. When you see a knitted object, don’t see a hat, or a sweater, or a pair of socks. See twenty, forty, a hundred hours of your knitters life that they have decided that you, or someone else is worth. (How much time did you spend getting their present?) Understand that far from being a thrifty or lesser way of giving a gift, things that are handmade are the most expensive objects there are. Conduct yourself accordingly as your knitter wraps that scarf for your mum.
This gift leads straight out of the last one, and I know that if you give the gift of respect, that this next one will be a cinch for you to pull together.
The Proper Way to Receive a Knitted Gift.
1. Open the gift, and immediately say something positive. (Suggestions are things like "Oh wow!" or "Oh my goodness!)
2. Hold up the item and smile broadly.
3. If you do not know what the item is, DO NOT SAY SO.
We understand that knitting can produce some unusual items, and that the nature of handmade objects can further complicate things. If, after admiring the item for some time you are still not sure what it is, say something like "This is beautiful. Oh my gosh. Can you show me how I should wear it? I want to do it justice."
4. After admiring and identifying the item, RUB IT ON YOUR FACE, or at the very least, cuddle it against your neck while saying something positive, like "Mmmmmm". Knitters love this. It’s because we’ve been worried that you wouldn’t like it, and knitting is a tactile thing. Lots of non-knitters find some textiles scratchy or uncomfortable, and we’re worried that will be you. Making immediate physical contact with the item reassures us.
5. Pronounce the item the best gift you have ever gotten. Kiss or hug the knitter, and show the item off to at least one other person over the course of the day.
6. Place item in a place of honour, and continue to admire it at intervals, remarking (see gift re: Respect above) that you can’t believe that a knitter thought you were worth that much time.
-Comment that it doesn’t fit. This is not something you discuss today. Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after. Or in a week. Not today. Your knitter has been busting a move for weeks or months for you. They probably finished a hat at 2am and are a little fragile. Save it.
-Similarly, do not say it is scratchy, or uncomfortable or not what you wanted. Despite what some other non-knitters may have you think, knitting is a super expensive gift – and if someone gave you a Ferrari, you wouldn’t pout and tell them you wanted it in blue.
Now go forth and love your knitter. They’re amazing.
Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noel, Peace out. Be kind to each other. Stay calm.