1. I am at the place in a book where I am working all the time. I don’t mind so much, because working is the only thing that gives me any sort of relief from the overwhelming sense of doom, or creates hope that this book can ever be finished.
2. Because I am at the place in a book where I am working all the time, a few hundred tiny things (everything that is not a book or has to do with a dying family member) are a tiny little bit behind. Laundry service has been suspended, and so the outfits we’re wearing are starting to be sort of abnormal in a way that we can’t pass off as eccentric. They are the wrong season, ill fitting, mismatched – the occasional stain… it makes me feel pressured to take care of it, but the truth is that everyone else who lives here knows how to work the washing machine, and if they were tired of wearing the strange old underpants from the bottom of the drawer they will wash something.
3. It doesn’t bother me that I look funny. I’m the sort of woman who wears clothes, not outfits, so I’m really not falling off any sort of a pedestal. I did wash the towels this morning because that seemed like a bridge too far, even for me.
4. There is a funny smell in the fridge. I only have time to smell it, not fix it, and apparently nobody else can smell it at all. I have a really acute sense of smell, so sometimes I do notice bad things before other people can, but this time I think Sam and Joe are lying because they don’t want to clean out the fridge.
5. Disconcertingly, I think there is an excellent chance that the smell is the result of more than one thing.
6. The end of a book is always like this.
7. I totally finished the little angora handspun sweater. If by finished you understand that I mean the knitting part, not the finishing part – which I guess means it’s not really finished but for the love of all things woolly, I beg you to let me have this small victory.
It looks like it’s different kinds of fuzzy, but it won’t – or, at least there’s no reason for it to stay that way. Right now the body is fuzzier than the arms because it’s been handled more. After a bath, all should be equal. Tomorrow I will sew the buttons on.
8. I am looking forward to the buttons more than I can say.
9. Is that pathetic? I really hope that’s not pathetic.
10. On Friday I go to Colorado – and I have to have something to knit. I want something simple (because if there is one more hard thing in my life right now, I am going to start chewing on trees to take the edge off) and I am torn between figuring out something new and making a pair of nice, sturdy, stabilizing socks. Plain ones.