1. I am on my way to Squam.
2. I came the wrong way. I came the way that Joe thought was right and that Julie the GPS thought was on crack. Usually, Joe is right and Julie is on crack, so I did it his way.
3. Julie the GPS was so violently opposed to Joe’s plan that even when I was crossing the border she was still telling me to make a U-turn. Yeah verily even as I was on the bridge she was imploring me to turn around.
4. Julie was right. Joe was wrong. We’re just going to leave it there, because I have a really long drive ahead of me today.
5. This morning when I woke up in my hotel room, I couldn’t find my bra for 10 minutes. There was absolutely no reason for this. I didn’t unpack last night, so it really couldn’t be mixed in with my stuff – I didn’t take it off until I was falling into bed, and I don’t recall swinging it around my head nine times and then letting it fly. The room was perfectly tidy, the bed has that wooden skirt thing underneath so that you can’t kick a bra under… there were only so many places to look, and I even looked ridiculous places. Behind the bed. Under the chairs. Places it really couldn’t be, and still I didn’t find it.
After about 10 minutes, I started to get a really upset feeling. I started to think that the only explanation for this was that someone had snuck into my room and taken it. I started thinking about how weird that would be. My computer, my purse, everything is right there, and this person comes in while I’m sleeping and takes my bra? Just my bra? As I became surer and surer that this was what happened, I began to feel two things. Violated (because it was too late for scared) and filled with regret that it was such a crappy bra. I can’t explain that second part, but as I realized that this person had stood in my hotel room while I was sleeping, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do now? Tell someone? Who?
I made myself a cup of coffee and started digging through my suitcase for a different top. One that made it less obvious that I was bra-less. I decided I would tell the front desk what had happened as I left, and then never, ever come back to this place. Then I thought that maybe I had a responsibility to call the police, because even though I was completely and totally uninjured and just freaked out, maybe this was the sort of thing that could escalate and I’ve watched enough Law and Order: SVU to know that. I took a deep breath, and decided that before I did anything else, I would have my coffee and a bit of a knit. It’s always a good place to start when I’m confused and there’s no imminent danger, and this was certainly the case here. Worst case scenario some guy is cuddling with my crappy bra.
I reached into my purse to get my knitting, and my hand touched something funny. I looked in, and there is my bra. Neatly folded with the straps wrapped around it and tucked right into my purse beside my knitting and wallet. I can’t tell you about the relief that swept over me. I put it on, and sat down for that little knit.
6. I was so glad that it hadn’t been stolen that it was a full five minutes before I started wondering what kind of a woman folds up her bra and then puts it in her purse? I assure you, I’m a take it off and drop in on the floor/suitcase/chair type. The purse wasn’t even on my chair where I thought I’d dropped it. It was across the room.
7. Now I think someone broke in and tidied my stuff.
8. That or I’m losing my mind and this is like when I found my keys in the freezer.
9. #8 is really more likely.
10. For sure.