The reason for the divorce*

Here I sit, drinking my coffee and getting my day together, and I have a little story to tell you.  I don’t know if it showed on the blog or not, but last week was not really a winner for me. My get up and go, to say the least, had gotten up and gone. I struggled to have productive days, I was so tired I could barely see straight, and I had several absolutely skull crushing headaches, which is nothing at all like me.  I wondered if I was coming down with something, but I didn’t.   The mornings that I went out at 5:30am to ride with Jen were torture. I hated her (even though she is very nice) and hated my life choices, and I would be all done in by noon.  None of my knitting worked – everything was stupid and I struggled to find shreds of optimism in every day.

I mentioned it to Joe, and he suggested all reasonable things.  Going to bed early, resting.. and I tried to do those things, but I still didn’t feel right. One afternoon I even took a nap.  (I hate naps.) I also – without really doing it on purpose, upped the caffeine intake.  Usually I have 3-4 cups of coffee over the morning, and then reel it in for the afternoon. When I was a younger woman I could drink coffee all day, but I find that if I don’t keep it to the mornings, I don’t sleep as well. Last week I was draining a pot over the course of the morning, and sometimes making it again around noon. I even tried to figure out how to take my good friend Mr. Coffee on bike rides, since the 5:30am thing was killing me.  Still – despite this huge coffee scene going down, I couldn’t perk up, and even more weird, I was still sleeping really well at night. I felt a little guilty about drinking as much coffee as I was (and I don’t know why, since there’s no evidence it’s bad for you, and I do really love it) and I felt even guiltier about the nap. I was drinking so much coffee that I should have been answering the phone on the first ring and feeling my own hair grow. Still, I was tired, and my head hurt, and I was… well.  Let’s not beat around the bush. I was essentially crabby and angry for most of the week.  (It is a testament to my commitment to being a nice, non-violent person who is as kind as possible on purpose, that I didn’t ram a stranger with my bike.  It occurred to me more than once.) I swallowed my cranky feelings, I took something for the headache, and I started taking vitamins.  I still felt lousy.

Friday I really pulled it together.  It was Amanda’s birthday, and I organized and cooked a family dinner and everyone came over, and I hoped I didn’t give them all whatever bug I’d gotten.  After supper, everybody helped bring the dishes into the kitchen from the back garden, and we all ended up in the kitchen, washing, talking, laughing… and Pato, leaning against the counter, reached over past the coffee grinder (full of beans) and flipped over the bag of beans there to see what brand we were using.  (We’re a coffee loving family. It varies.)

“Wow.” he said.  “Who drinks decaf?”

The whole family stopped.  It was like we were in a movie and someone stopped time.  Nobody moved, nobody took a breath – everyone froze in place and slowly turned to look at me. The odds that I would have taken up decaf are about the same that I would take all the yarn in the house and set fire to it in the street. There, in Pato’s hand was truly, really, a nearly empty bag of decaf coffee beans.

decaf2 2014-06-02

I turned to look at Joe. It is worth mentioning at this point, that while I do most of the cooking, Joe does most of the grocery shopping.  It is also worth mentioning, that Joe makes the coffee.  He usually drinks very little at home, but sets the coffeemaker at night so that it’s ready when I get up in the morning.  Other than drinking the stuff, I don’t have much to do with it.  Joe knows this.  I know this. The whole family knows this, and as the wave of realization swept over us, the whole family slowly shifted their gaze from me to him, and the look of horror on his face was unlike anything I’ve ever seen.

“Oh my God” he said. “Honey, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you ^&*()^ing (*&^$#%^ing me?” I said, and that was when the whole world made sense.  I had been drinking freaking decaf for a week.  My husband had put me on a cold turkey caffeine withdrawal program, and it was all coming together.  The headaches, the napping, the agony of 5:30am. The whole family dissolved into hysterical laughter, while I said things like “I TOOK A NAP” and “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF THAT I HAVE BEEN DRINKING”  and “DO YOU KNOW I RODE MY BIKE WITHOUT COFFEE” and “WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE.”

They laughed and laughed, and Joe kept on laughing, he burst out spontaneously in spasms of it for the rest of the evening, and even that night when we were in bed, he was still thinking of it and getting all seized up with how funny it was.  “Honey” he said, gasping for breath between the giggles, “in all the years we have been together, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to you.”

“Don’t touch me.” I said.

* I am not really getting a divorce, but I thought about it until I got a real cup of the stuff in the morning.

267 thoughts on “The reason for the divorce*

  1. I totally agree with you – that is grounds for threatening divorce! I feel your pain – no real coffee is a horrible torture! Decaf isn’t really coffee – its a terrible imposter… if you aren’t drinking swiss water process decaf, the chemicals they use to extract the caffeine alone can trigger headaches.

  2. Oh man, can I feel your pain. However, if Joe is correct, and that is the worst thing he’s ever done to you, he’s a wonder and a marvel! Here’s to recaffeinating. Spell check doesn’t like that word, but I don’t care.

    • Of course that’s the worst thing Joe’s ever done. Joe’s our hero, here in the Blogosphere. However, it was a really rotten thing to do, even if I’m laughing out loud at the library.

  3. I think Kicking Horse coffee should create a new Decaf blend just for you:

    “Grounds For Divorce”
    A dark, bitter blend that will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

  4. I once had to cut back my caffeine intake because it was giving me heart palpitations. I felt exactly like you were, but I actually knew why. That’s so awful! There is nothing worse than a caffeine withdrawal headache, except maybe, MAYBE, a migraine. :( Thank goodness you’ve got the real stuff again!

    • I’ve had both – I’d say they are neck and neck (pardon the pun). Especially because if the withdrawal gets bad enough you can’t just caffinate it away – you have to caffinate and then still let it takes it’s course – which is much like you have to do with a migraine.

  5. The headline was scary, but this is hysterical, in an awful, sympathy-inducing way. Truly a testament to your innate niceness. I could well have burned down the house, killed a few people, and likely jumped off a cliff after a week of cold-turkey-no-caffeine. Good for you for surviving!

  6. ok, I get that it was a horrible although unintentional thing to do, but…..I still cracked up out out loud at work.
    The thought of you without caffiene is almost, well, unthinkable. I have been reading you for years and in almost EVERY post, you mention coffee.
    Here’s hoping you get back up to speed quickly!

  7. And now I can’t stop laughing! Gad you are a good writer. I am laughing so loud with all the windows in the house open and all the neighbors looking this way wondering what line I have finally crossed over. I used to drink regular coffee while working a horrible full-time job; on the weekends, no coffee but terrible headaches, etc. I remember what a revelation it was learning about caffeine withdrawal, that that is a thing and that I had all the symptoms. Helped a lot learning that. I hope you will now get your equilibrium back; and it is a true testament to your relationship with your husband that he can laugh like that and you don’t divorce him!

  8. Love this story! Poor Joe. But I can so relate to what you were going through as coffee is my “drink of choice.”

  9. OMG – as soon as I saw the line “who drinks decaf?” I started laughing and haven’t stopped. I’m gasping! Thanks for the Monday morning laughs…..Joe, we love you!!

  10. That is just about the best post ever…. said with sympathy. I had to be caffeine free for half a day last week for a medical test and I had a HA by 10am… (and when I went to a fat farm once and there was no coffee, people were sneaking to the local gas station a three mile walk away for it)…it took the entire week to adjust… I am glad you don’t have a dread disease or some hormonal thing … and it’s all easily fixed….

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  12. This may be my second most favorite story that you’ve told. (My first is when the airline left the hyphen out of your name and chaos commenced.) Oh, and the time you bought 4 (or 3) cups of coffee in the airport. Good Lord!!

  13. You know what they say about women, tea bags, and hot water . I guess, too, that you never know how strong you are until they take your caffeine away.

  14. I appreciate that you shared this because you know how frickin’ funny it is. I can’t stop laughing. Hope you have a better week.

  15. Oh you poor thing, I can totally relate to this story. While staying with my mom for a few days, I started getting massive headaches and felt sluggish and worthless. Finally after a few days my mom mentioned something about decaf and I nearly fell over. Needless to say I went to the store right away to get some of the real stuff! Here’s hoping you’ll have a better, caffeinated week!

    • See, now, I have the exact same story- except that I accidentally decaffeinated my poor mother! I rushed out and bought regular coffee and made her a very string pot of coffee. I have never touched decaf since-not on purpose at least. And, fortunately, my mother forgave me almost as soon as she recovered from the migraine!

  16. You know, although I know you are a normal human being just like the rest of us, I do view you as a role model – someone I admire, and even look up to. So while I am tremendously sorry for your week of decaf (the horror!), I am actually really relieved to hear when you have really hard weeks, just like the rest of us. Your tale of woe came at a good time for me, so thanks. :)

  17. I completely agree- divorce is the only option for this kind of treachery (intended or not, although intended would have involved a ride to the country, a shovel, and a solo trip home). This deserves a bouquet of cashmere and many nights of foot rubbing.

  18. Caffeine withdrawal headache? I can relate.
    Helpful hint: if you have to have surgery and they tell you to fast for 12 hrs before hand, it will be hell when you wake up. Ask for a cola drink instead of apple juice or tea. This rule also applies if you celebrate any holidays that require a 24-hr fast.

    • Actually, in many hospitals if you tell the anesthesiologist how much coffee you normally drink, he/she can give you IV caffeine! Headache can be a complication of anesthesia, so it makes their lives much easier if their patients don’t have caffeine headaches.

  19. I thought this whole thing was leading up to you giving up coffee and I was on the edge of my seat because I thought, “There’s no way she can do this. It will shift a polar axis or something.”

    Joe needs to buy you jewelry or something.

      • someone said earlier, cashmere. how about a dozen skeins of cashmere wrapped around a dozen stems, wrapped and delivered as if they were roses? orange cashmere, of course.
        i truly sympathize. going for so long thinking you were coming down with something only to find out it was caffeine deprivation! it is a tribute to your relationship with joe that the reason for the divorce was only joking. i salute you both.

  20. Hahaha what a story! Poor Joe, he must feel so bad under all that laughter. And to think, you had to handle the terrible email snafu with NO CAFFEINE! You poor thing. Here’s to a better week!

  21. The description of your family looking between you and Joe and the look on Joe’s face was incredible. Thanks for some great Monday morning laughs….but sorry you had to suffer for a week to be able to provide said laughs!

    • Hysterical and terrible, all at once, I should say. There are reasons that chocolate, green tea, and caffeinated soda are staples in my house.

  22. The only time I ever went cold turkey on coffee (and actually stayed off of caffeine for the next 6 months) was when I was 30 and had my tonsils out – no choice there, just had to do it. The pain in my throat and the pain meds they gave me were the only way I got through it. Never again! (oh, and don’t get your tonsils out when you are over 10 if you can help it, once you realize what they just did to you, you will be horrified!)

    • OMG! I can so sympathize with you! I also had my tonsils out at 30…by a ENT doc close to retirement…who obviously had seen many tonsils…and said mine were the worst he’d ever seen! Ten times worse than any pain before or since… and I’ve had meningitis which causes a headache like caffeine withdrawal times ten. Moral of the story? NEVER ever go off caffeine again!

  23. Oh, bless him. Had he done it on purpose, it definitely would be grounds for divorce. I had a mini heart attack when I read the title of the post (I’m at work atm) but had to laugh when I finally got to read the full story. This has to be my favorite post yet… though I sympathise with you having suffered caffeine withdrawls in the past, I can just imagine the whole thing, the way you’ve described it is movie-perfect! :)

  24. Since you own a business (as does Joe), you can order Kicking Horse Coffee wholesale – directly from the company at a very considerable savings. The roast it the day you order and ship it Canada Post Expedited. The aroma drives the people in the post office crazy. Kicking Horse is all organic, fair trade and our blend of choice is Kick Ass. Nuff said!

  25. Thanks for a good laugh on a dreary Monday! I’m sure, though, that it’s only funny in retrospect, but it must also be a relief to know that the malaise was explicable. Are the socks that were a drag last week flying off the needles today?

  26. Oh God, as I sit here drinking my massive cup of Kicking Horse (not decaf) coffee, my empathy bubbles over. I’ve had withdrawal headaches, they’re terrible. Perhaps you should run Joe down with your bike. It may be cathartic.

  27. Oh, did I ever laugh loudly at this! Tears in my eyes still. Stephanie, I so feel your pain! I’m a total caffiene user, absolute necessity in my life. And my husband does the shopping and is a very kind, sweet guy who would feel absolutely awful if this happened to me as well. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but I’m glad you found the cause of your pains. Thanks for being brave enough to relay all of it to us here. I’m still giggling!

  28. Hilarious! The other day my hubby was pottering around tidying after making coffee when I started shouting at him. “Was that a blue pack you put away? What did you use to make this? Was it blue!? You were putting away something blue!” (The decaf is blue) It wasn’t until everyone started to laugh at me that I realised how desperate I was getting. (It was a biscuit pack and the coffee was fine!)
    Coffee seems to be to my 30s as alcohol was ti my 20s – almost a personality trait!

  29. Bless your heart! I remember what it was like when I cut back on the caffeine a few years ago back when I was drinking Diet Coke all day like it was water. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. Props for not getting violent. :)

  30. I can’t believe you couldn’t tell. I can discern decaf at 20 paces and see no reason to drink coffee (or tea) without it. I can also taste artificial sweeteners, even Stevia. Which because it isn’t sugar is just something sweetish, and not real sugar. Bleh.

  31. My sympathies! You really have to watch some of those labels. I once bought extra spicy taco mix for my Girl Scout troop because there was only a very small portion of the label that was different than the “regular” mix.

    I also inadvertently suffered caffeine withdrawal about 40 years ago. It took me several days to figure out why I had screaming headaches during the work day, but they went away when I got home at night. (Drinking decaf during the day and caffeine at night.) I have since kicked the habit, since I have no desire to ever suffer through those headaches again. Glad you finally figured out the problem, and hope you are back to feeling normal again.

  32. So I have to ask, did you take advantage of the jumpstart and kick caffeine? I did it about 6 months ago and now whenever I have it, I feel jittery, anxious and can’t sleep that night. The headaches will go away eventually. You can do it.

  33. OMG, the same thing happened to me for a whole week! I’ve nobody to blame but myself, though. It’s a stinker, but better than a brain tumor, eh?

    Hope you’re caffeinated now!

  34. I love that Joe took responsibility right away instead of blaming you for not double-checking the coffee bag or something. What a guy!
    Of course, we knew that already–grocery shopping AND setting up the coffee pot for you in the morning? Awesome!

  35. I think that Joe has finally gotten his revenge for this incident: “Fallen and Can’t Get Up” Posted on .December 18, 2008

  36. Wow. I don’t know how you made it through. My family would have had to pry me out of bed with a crowbar…
    Accidental or not, I’m pretty sure this deserves some sort of retribution. Like, the next time there’s some crappy job that needs doing around the house, that you usually attend to, just point at it, and say, Coffee! Joe will have no choice but to comply!

  37. I almost spit coffee all over my keyboard when I read this. Decaf? Oh my. This just shows that your commitment to each other is strong. Joe is still alive and you two are still together. Decaf. Go figure. Thanks for the laugh!

  38. If it makes you feel at all better, there is still a slight bit of caffeine in decaf coffee. not a lot or anything, but a smidge. so imagine, for a second, if there was none at all, and then be happy that there was at least still coffee flavoring. (I don’t do caffeine, but if you took away my wine…. hoo boy.)

  39. Goodness, I was beginning to wonder if you were pregnant…

    I am sure that Joe just grabbed the wrong bag…and it may have even been a misplaced bag. I did actually convert my husband to decaf once, but it was gradual by just refilling the coffee canister with decaf as it got low. No cold turkey.

  40. I can’t even comprehend how you must have felt. I gave up caffeine when I was pregnant (twice!) on the advice of my doctor who said caffeine is teratogenic. I don’t know if it is or not, but I waited a long time to have those babies and I wasn’t taking any chances. Nevertheless – give up coffee forever? not happening. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t use drugs; I’m divorced and have no social life. Caffeine is just about the only thing that keeps me from going right off my stick, although I admit to cutting back a lot since I hit 50.
    But never? No more coffee EVER? I don’t think so.

  41. Wow. I was really afraid you had some horrible, horrible illness when you were describing your symptoms. Glad to hear that you (and your marriage) are OK. Although I gave up caffeine one year for Lent and felt so bad and acted so snappish that I’m not sure that was such a good idea, so I feel your pain.

  42. LOL! I had a friend do that. She went on decaf and didn’t tell us, US, who had driven 7 hours from K/W to Ottawa two Christmases ago to spend time with them for our kids who have been besties since the age of one. Four days of massive migraine, throwing up and taking every little thing out on my poor husband and she tells me, “Oh, I SHOULD mention that I went decaf two years ago.”

    I said excuse me, put on my coat and drove to Timmies and got two extra-large black coffees for hubby and I IN MY PJ’S.

    • The crescent moon’s pretty big, though. :-)

      I shouldn’t laugh. I happily drink both depending on what time it is.

  43. Oh no! Good job you find out when you did.
    But…. Makes you think about what caffeinated coffee does to you though!

  44. Oh my…the only bright spot I see is that you’re not suffering from some rare disease. A woman I know decided her husband drinks too much coffee and purposefully switched him to decaf. He didn’t notice any taste difference, but literally thought he was dying because of his body’s reaction.

    • i have no patience with people who decide others shouldn’t drink caffeine, use salt, use sugar and switch them without telling them to decaf or salt substitute or artificial sweetener. unless you are talking about minor children, don’t go there.

  45. How could a coffee called Kicking Horse not be caffeinated? I’m Mormon, I don’t know, I’ve never drunk any of it, but I do know if you touch my large mug of morning hot chocolate there would be definitely-non-Mormon-friendly-word to pay. (Sipping a bit now for emphasis.)

    But oh my goodness, this is hysterical. I can just picture Joe doing what I did when my husband opened the pumpkin soup box per instructions, where I couldn’t fall asleep that night because I just kept spontaneously giggling myself back awake, I couldn’t help it. (link: http://spindyeknit.com/2014/01/old-faithful/

  46. I love it! Sometimes I do something stupid and I ask my bf why he is dating me and he says because I made him coffee before he deployed, like Joe does for you (well I put the cream and sugar in to it and hand it to him too). I think I’d be murdered if I served him decaf for a week.

  47. there will be coffee at SQUAM….not decaf, but real honest to goodness coffee…if I have to go to Dunkin Donuts to get it for you, as we don’t have a Tim Horton nearby! 2 more wakeups…

  48. I had to explain to my co-workers why I was laughing out loud while I was supposed to be reading a grant contract.
    As one who recognizes what causes an “absolutely skull crushing headache” it isn’t really funny and I know just how horrible they can be. In your shoes, I would be planning all kinds of retribution. But meanwhile I’m still giggling.

  49. I totally feel your pain! I had brain surgery a year ago and by the second day nobody could figure out why I had a massive headache. After CT scans etc., they were freaking out. When one of the nurses walked by with a cup of coffee, my mom and my boyfriend looked at each other and realized I was having a caffeine withdrawl headache. They brought me coffee and within twenty min. the headache was gone! Unfortunately by then I was so full of pain meds that my lungs filled up with fluid! All because I drink a ton of caffeine daily!

  50. This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve read from you, which is saying a lot. However, if not having caffeine makes you feel that bad, maybe you should reconsider possible health implications?

    • Right – never put your health in danger that way again! Check to be certain your beans have the required amount of caffeine for daily support.

  51. I’m afraid I’d have been in there laughing until I peed myself along with everyone else. Sorry. But it does explain so much. (And if anyone touches my canister of Dragonwell Green tea, I’ll break their knuckles.)

  52. Oh my goodness, good for you that you even survived the whole week! I’ve been feeling crappy, too for the past week but I’m not a coffee drinker. Perhaps I should take it up? ;)

  53. When I was in a psychology program practicum, I had to get through a couple of hours of group therapy in the morning. But my coffee habit made it so that I couldn’t get through the sessions without desperately having to use the bathroom. I would spend the entire time thinking less about what the patients were saying and more about the anticipated bliss of emptying my bladder. So I decided to go cold-turkey on coffee. And it was the most agonizing six weeks of my life. I’m not making that up: Six. Weeks. to stop suffering the mind-numbing headaches, tiredness and crankiness. I decided I didn’t want to have to appease the coffee gods anymore in order to live my life, and I’ve been mostly decaffeinated ever since. But I think I know what bliss these first few days back on coffee must be like for you!

  54. I was drinking hot chicken soup with lime when I read your blog. That was not enough spewing, as I still had some left when reading comments. Not necessarily a good thing. Or coughing because it went down the wrong way. Let’s just say, the blog should have a SPEW alert on it. You are a delight

  55. And that’s why I drink my daily Diet Dr. Pepper straight out of the can. I cannot imagine. Well, I can, actually having gone one day cold turkey without caffeine. I’m so sorry!!!

  56. That happened to my husband one time. It was right before a holiday weekend and he was managing his first major highway construction project. They had installed all the barricades to control traffic on a Friday so people could get accustomed to it over the weekend. He was frazzled and needed a weekend away. We met my sister and brother-in-law at a lake for the weekend to chill out — fishing, camping, cooking-out. Unknown to us, my brother-in-law had switched to decaf because of his pacemaker. My sister and I only drink tea. My husband felt so bad and had the worst headache until mid-afternoon on Sunday when my sister just happened to mention the decaf switch. We quickly found a Coke for my husband and that helped take the edge off.

  57. Oh that’s so funny! I’m sorry because I know you must have suffered but I’m with Joe on the spontaneous giggles! Also I think Pato needs a new pair of wooly socks as a prize for observation skills – I mean, just look at how much of the bag is left!

  58. Stories like this make me sooo glad I don’t get withdrawal headaches, for whatever reason! I did think it was a little odd that you hated all your knitting, without even any enthusiasm for something new (socks that you might, maybe, be interested in is not enthusiasm) — it’s good to know why. Poor you. Poor Joe.

  59. It took years to figure out why Dad got horrible migraines on every vacation when we were growing up. We thought he hated us kids. Turned out he drank loads of caffeinated coffee at work and never on vacations!

  60. I just knew you were going to say…surprise! I’m pregnant!! ( Funny how caffiene withdrawl and pregnancy so closely resemble each other.)

  61. I know how to get him back for that….knit his socks or caps smaller! I remember the day I suffered a severe headache to the point my eyes felt like they were being pulled down. You know like when the optometrist doesn’t get your glasses set right. I got to the point that I was falling asleep while driving, and for the heck of it , bought a small cup of coffee. Within about 15 minutes, the headache and drousiness was gone! Had to admit to a coffee addiction. Now, I embrace my addiction because I love my coffee. But alot of coffee throughout the day will make you crash. Eventually. Since you are training heavily, try a doubleshot expresso in the a.m. before you leave. The Cuban brand is really good, comes in a yellow and red can called Cafe Bustelo.

  62. (Ha ha to Human Verification police. This time I saved the comment before posting.)

    “Honey, in all the years we have been together, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to you.”

    This, alone, is all I would need. Even with the laughter, It is a gem of an admission. Would be worthy of instant forgiveness from me.

    I’ve never really forgiven my partner for offering to hold the kayak while I got out, and then letting go of it at a crucial moment, so that I was the first into the lake that year (early May). With a rock-shaped bruise on my bum. If he’d said anything remotely like what Joe said, above, I’d forgive him. Sadly, he has maintained forever it was NOT his fault.

    But still, back to you and Joe, I’m surprised you waited until morning. He could have made an emergency run to Timmie’s or the 24-hour Metro.

  63. well! Maybe Arriana won’t be the world’s fanciest tea towel after all!

    Welcome back to the land of the living!

  64. OMG, Steph! I really feel your pain! Thank goodness Pato found the answer. You must be feeling a sigh of relief – one day would do me in. Glad things are back to normal. Hope Joe is forgiven. Sending hugs (((O))) Best,

  65. Too funny!!! Yes it’s amazing that you weren’t explaining all this to a judge! I just saw a woman wearing the perfect t-shirt for you it said” I’ve had my coffee you may speak now” wish I knew where she got it!

  66. Ahahahahahahahha! I don’t have a horrific childbirth story, so when I want to guilt Ginkgo I say, “I gave up caffeine for 9 months for you!!!!” She KNOWS what a sacrifice that was!

  67. Buying decaf *has* to come under the heading of “marital cruelty” as well as “mental cruelty”. Yowza! I’d be tempted to replace all his underwear with size smalls; not for having made a mistake, but for laughing at what you went through. Bad husband. Bad, bad husband. I hope Dude knows how lucky he is.

  68. Very rarely do I stray from the Kick Ass coffee by Kicking Horse. Anything else is a let down. Good luck re-cafinating!

  69. I had that happen to me when I visited my mother once. No one told me she had switched to decaf. After several days with killer headaches I had a real coffee in a restaurant and it was like “WOW more more ” even though it was really crappy coffee. That was when she told me she had switched to decaf. I went to another bistro and had two cappuccinos with lunch and a latte for desert.

  70. Without getting boringly specific, may I add that I was right where you are/were last year. After a series of events that finally led me to the conclusion that my beloved coffee was betraying my body (and the sneaking suspicion that no food or drink should have such control over me), I began to wean myself. It was a sloooooowww process and while I still drink coffee sometimes, it’s a much healthier relationship. Now I have only to address the dozen cups of Earl Grey I consume each day, but that’s another story….

    • 12 cups of Earl Gray? That’s close to the equivalent of 6 cups of medium-roast drip coffee…

      (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, she said while looking at her recently refilled coffee cup.)

  71. I only got withdrawal headaches for about three days at a time, but they were still nasty enough that I actually quit caffeine for a while (to avoid the evening headaches when the morning coffees worked their way out of my system). You must just be extra-lucky.

  72. Decaf as a reason for divorce? I disagree with every fiber of my being (and stash). It is grounds for murder, the kind Stephen King could write in all it’s gory glory! I think you would even be found not guilty- think of it, a decaf defense!
    Gretchen in Brooklyn, going off to find a double espresso, in your honor

  73. I just realized. Holy criminy, you were crocheting without caffeine, too.

    Suck down some jet fuel, and then go get the hook. It’ll go better this time, and you’ll have an awesome scarf when you’re done.

  74. I am laughing so hard at the moment . . .but in a very sympathetic way. Glad that you’ve diagnosed the problem and have resolved the issue!

  75. OMG, I thought you were dying–don’t ever do that to me again!!!

    I think Joe should be punished for the next few weeks by a good swift kick every time he starts to fall asleep. That’ll teach him….

    Anyway, I’m glad that’s all it was. Don’t scare me again…. :-)

  76. Wow! This post made me wince…
    I admire your coffee intake as much as I admire your knitting! I wish I could drink coffee (& knit) like you. I’m down for the count after two cups.

  77. Oh, how I feel for you! Years ago during my second pregnancy, I had to go off caffeine, and I stayed off it for two years after that because of nursing. I am firmly convinced that if I had been drinking caffeine during that time, I would still have my part-time newspaper job. Every year I still have to go caffeine-free for 25 hours as part of the Yom Kippur fast. It gives me such a terrible headache that I now spend the previous week tapering down.

    Like the earlier poster, I had you down for sure as pregnant.

  78. Wowzers. Two doctors have told me to have at least one cup a day (migraines.) How did you feel after your first cup of fully leaded awesomeness?

    • Gotta love docs who recommend caffeine. I went to my neurologist with a migraine once, he handed me a red bull, rescue med, and imitrex. First time I’d ever heard of using caffeine to help with migraines, now it’s my go-to first line of defense.

  79. I’ve been sick for days when I stop drinking Coke. I suggest that if decaf doesn’t taste that much different, you might try leaving caffeine behind. Once I am over the withdrawal I feel a lot better. I’ve tried several times, and I think it’s for good this time.

  80. On the flip side of the argument, as funny as your story was, it shows your addiction to caffeine. After a week, it clears and you really wouldn’t miss it too much. For many years, I would wean myself from caffeine for a week so that I could fast for Yom Kippur and survive the day, but one year I just never went back. Now at most, I get a half-caf latte at Starbucks when I really need something, but mostly I am caffeine free (chocolate doesn’t count does it?). Sorry that you went through that week unaware, but maybe there is a positive there.

  81. Your post made me laugh so hard. It explains everything! All will be right in your world once you get that decent cup of coffee. (Hope it’s soon!)

  82. Uh-oh, it sounds as if somebody has a teeny tiny caffeine addiction. Now that you know, thanks to Pato (that clever and observant lad) maybe give half-caf (available at Longo’s) a try. Hubby and I started using it after his heart surgery, to cut down on caffeine. If we’re having coffee in the evening, we use decaf.

  83. If Joe had been married to one of my sisters (either one) and cut off her caffeine intake, he’d be nothing but a greasy smudge of soot right now!

    However, isn’t it ironic that you didn’t catch on sooner by having an iced tea, a cola, or a Mountain Dew? Next time you’re feeling somewhat ill and crankier than all get-out, you’ll know what to try!

  84. Oh my, I laughed til my stomach hurt and only because I could have exoerienced the SAME thing! I had to read the whole blog entry out loud to my husband, who also laughed histerically. I’m such a coffee addict, and I can see in your blog what a bad week it was. All your knitting was even wrong……

  85. Well, technically “it won’t kill you” isn’t the same thing as “it’s not bad for you” – but we take what we can get! As a vegetarian, you’re ahead of the game anyway.

  86. I am sooo glad I didn’t read this one at the office today — my loud laughing and apparent inability to stop would have been very distracting to my co-workers! Happy you got your fix this morning!

  87. I am soooo sorry but I just laughed until I cried. I hope to goodness that all is right in your world now!

  88. Wonderfully funny post! I agree with those who point out that this is an excellent opportunity to cut back on some of your caffeine intake, but whatever it takes to keep you keeping on is good enough for me!

  89. Oh my goodness. I switched to Swiss water decaf years ago (infertility, it’s such a bitch it even steals your coffee), and even I am cringing at this story. It was a gradual weaning process over many weeks, and I still had some headaches during the process. On the other hand, when I do drink caffeine now (headache remedy, severe exhaustion, being a polite guest), it’s a really amazing drug!

  90. OMG. Now I’m laughing too. I can just SEE that moment. “Who drinks decaf?” {absolute silence falls}
    I hate naps too, the idea of being MADE to take one due to {pah!} unintentional decaf…dreadful!

  91. Reminds me of the day I took an antihistamine in the morning instead of synthroid. There was not enough coffee in the world to wake me up!

  92. You shouldn’t divorce him because he got the wrong coffee. You should divorce him because he thought it was funny.

  93. Thanks for the laugh – I would have said the same thing to my husband if that happened. Coffee is a very important part of my morning, so I understand how decaf could upset the mojo. Glad you’re back on track.

  94. With a name like “Kicking Horse” I wouldn’t think it was decaf either….but the ‘decaf’ in blue right on the front should have been a clue :D

  95. I just reread this post, and noticed that Joe wasn’t the only one making coffee, and so the other brewer didn’t notice the “decaf” on the package either. Now, who was that?

  96. Oh, poor you! I thought sure you had a thyroid problem, tho usually that manifests more slowly. Folate deficiency does the some thing, but that’s usually reserved for those of us with rheumatoid arthritis. Glad to know it was “just” caffeine. Still, might be good to cut back once you go back to high-test. . .

  97. Your post about “progress” is at about 60 comments. This post is at about 160. Food for thought.

    But only after you’ve had a cup of coffee.

    (My conclusion: Joe loves us and wants to keep us laughing.)

    • And now at 180. But I think we need to watch that Joe. I think he may be the Mole in the organization. When it became apparent that The Harlot was taking her knitterly skills and dealing with the Spamming Rat Bastards despite their best efforts, Joe blew his cover expecting to sufficiently weaken her battle force.
      Ha they lost!
      (The only reason he has not disappeared back to the FMS (Factory Made Sock) Unit is because he thinks he is still owed one,(‘Don’t Touch Me!).

  98. Oh no!!! Joe really, really owes you on this! I heard recently on some NPR program- a doctor was saying that caffeine withdrawal is a very painful thing to go through – I can’t remember what he compared it too but he said that patients will go to the emergency room with the worst headaches just knowing they are dying. Poor thing. Did I mention that joe really owes you for this? ;)

  99. my husband did that to me once! totally on accident, but it was still the worst day ever. luckily for me it was only one day. you are a true trooper.

  100. I know it’s really wrong of me but I also laughed hysterically. It’s very nice to know there was nothing actually wrong with you and you can be sure Joe will ALWAYS read the label from now on :-)

  101. Forget divorce, he’s lucky you are allowing him to continue living!!! Though I guess it was an accident, so maybe leaping to that conclusion is a bit much. Bet you check the next package he gets very carefully! May your blood caffeine levels return to normal shortly

  102. You really had me worried about you for that first half there! Now I can’t stop laughing. It reminds me of the time my well meaning hubby filled the grinder with artificially flavored chocolate coffee beans. It took days to get rid of the stench.

  103. after I quit laughing… There is nothing easier than taking your coffee along with you on your bicycle. And drinking it while riding (assuming you don’t have it so hot that you will burn your mouth). I do it all the time. Many spillproof seal coffee mugs fit just fine into a water bottle cage.

  104. Oh, dear Lord. It’s really funny in a “please-God-don’t-let-this-happen-to-me” sort of way. I can’t even… (Okay, look for a positive… think, think, think… Um…) At least you don’t have dengue fever or something, right? Right?

  105. OMG that is the funniest, most horrible thing I have read in a very long time! I will break out in spontaneous laughter for at least a day. I get migraines and the only way I have found to control them is to have at least a double shot of espresso in the afternoons. A whole week of no caffeine would have me in the ER in a day, two tops! When I was younger I’ve had to go without coffee for various reasons and it wasn’t any fun at all. I understand your pain but at least I knew why I felt like crap. I’m so sorry that you felt so badly for a week. At least now you know why and can remedy the situation! Hurray for coffee!

  106. What a great piece of writing! I was worried about you and then broke out into laughter when I read the end (I laughed, I cried!). A good story told well.

  107. That is nothing short of diabolical. I’m so sorry that I have joined in on the giggles…but OMG. Glad to hear the mystery has been sorted and all is once again right with the world.

  108. I feel your pain. (even though you did make me laugh till I cried) (sympathy tears)… and the commenter that suggested “grounds for divorce” as a name for a coffee.. brilliant!

  109. The EXACT same thing happened to me. I thought I was dying for a few days. Turns out my husband bought decaf Peet’s coffee, but I never noticed it because the “decaf” was a tiny word in an otherwise same package as regular. Ohhh, that was “funny”. Thanks for the laugh!

  110. Happened to me once, too … I’ll never forget the sight of my boys scattering light cockroaches when the light gets flipped on …. hehehehehe

  111. How do you feel now that you’re back to the Real Thing? Like the Energizer Bunny? Or just human again?

  112. When I got to the part that read “Wow. Who drinks decaf?”, my eyes skipped to the picture of the bag. I saw ‘decaf’ up there in tiny, miniscule print, but “KI”cking Horse was *not* what my mind read…Two little different letters at the beginning of that coffee name makes a big difference!

    Cheers, with a big ol’ cuppa caffeine!

  113. That’s too funny. I totally get caffeine dependence – a friend asked me just yesterday what I was most afraid of and I joked “running out of coffee”. Glad Joe is still around to tell the story! Now go brew another pot!

  114. What a great story. I’ve gone cold turkey on coffee before now and I know exactly how you felt. Sorry you had a week of suffering just to give us a good laugh, and I’m really glad you are giving up on the divorce. Joe sounds a bit of gem, really. My husband’s coffee related incident was when he sweetly made me a cup and delivered it to me with a couple of chocolate cookies to dunk. I was half way down, dunking away and wondering why the coffee tasted odd, but in a strangely familiar way when I realised he had made me instant coffee, but using chicken gravy granules! He has NEVER lived it down!

  115. Oh my gosh, the look of horror that went over my fiancee’s face when I told him that it was decaf. He was imagining what I would do, probably. hahaha

    On another note, yay Kicking Horse Coffee! They’re a roaster local to my parents (and where I lived for ten years)!

    Katie =^..^=

  116. Omg!! This calls for revenge!
    I don’t have any suggestions for how to carry out this revenge because I haven’t finished my coffee yet but I’m sure you will think of something suitable. Men!

  117. Even though you have identified the (dastardly) source of most of your problems I would still look to your cycling form for some part of your headache. If you are leaning on your hands you may be putting extra strain on your shoulders and neck. I recommend a post-ride visit with Miracle Balls to release the strain. Really – Google them and enjoy. Looks stupid but is actually very effective!

  118. Oh the horror!

    Sometime in the future (hopefully, far into the future) when you are feeling the effects of menopause this blog post will be the answer to the question:

    Why does Joe continue to check the label on the bag of coffee!!!

  119. Good thing this happened north of the Canadian border. Your response reflects your innate Canadian goodness in that all you threatened was a divorce. If he had been my husband (with less nice US morality) I might have threatened to kill him :)

  120. Oh lord…. This is absolutely freaking hilarious, but I know the pain you have suffered. I once gave up caffeine (and as the foolish person I am, I started drinking it again, and now can’t give it up). The pain… the overwhelming bone-deep fatigue :(

    I agree, that’s probably the worst thing he’s ever done to you :) (And after you sanded that bedroom floor BY HAND, too!)

    • I was in Cusco Peru -Altitude is about 11,000 feet above sea level. Everyone told me to drink Matcha tea starting about a week ahead to ease the problems of altitude sickness. By the end of the week–I could not move–screaming headaches-no energy etc etc. Turns out that the problem was not altitude sickness–but coffee withdrawal–from going off coffee and onto matcha tea. When I figured out the problem, I went to a restaurant and ordered a huge pot of their strongest coffee and voila—–felt fine within an hour.

  121. As a fellow knitter and coffee-drinker, I have to say I both sympathize and find this incredibly funny. (My husband wouldn’t /dare/.)

  122. Oh, yeah. been there. Visiting with mom one year, day three, SICK. So sick, headaches, cup after cup, not working, threw up, demanding more….
    DECAF.

    What the hell? Is THIS what I’ve been drinking for 3 days????

    I now bring my own, hi-octane coffee with me when I visit. My nursing home better be next door to a Starbucks.

    Cynthia

  123. Probably good that you got a mini break from caffeine. It would have been nicer if you’d known about it though. Funny story!

  124. It’s a measure of my sympathy that I’m on my second cup of deep, rich, caffeinated dark roast since I started reading the comments… I’ve become obsessed with my new single-cup coffeemaker, to the point of having to buy decaf (ewww) because the machine calls to me in the evening and I would never sleep if I drank the good stuff after 3 pm.

    Think I’ll go back and read the last few blog posts again, armed with the knowledge of what was behind the pain and suffering and general aaaarrrrgggghhh.

    So glad you’re feeling better! And that Joe lives on…

  125. If there were ever grounds for manslaughter, that would be it. Still funnier than heck. Hope you’re feeling better.

  126. Dear Joe, I want you to understand that we are all flawed human beings. I am not judging you in any way — indeed, there except for the grace of God go I. It could happen to anyone, especially those of us who are rushed and nearsighted. Anyone, Joe. I’m not judging. However, I feel as if I (slightly) know you because The Harlot has spoke of you often to us, The Blog, and in glowing terms. You are a gem among men, Joe, and we of The Blog know this. You would not stoop so low as to make this payback for Stephanie laughing about the stuck truck situation no matter what people may think. But I will say, this offense, although unintended, is majorly grevious and has harshed Stephanie’s mellow, and ours, tremendously. The Knitting was all wrong, Joe, all week. The Knitting! This goes past merino, Joe. Past cashmere. Yes. In my opinion this calls for QIVIUT. And quite a bit of it, I’m sad to say. I know you will want to do the right thing, Joe, for Stephanie specifically, and The Blog generally. The Knitting will be made right with qiviut. We are all sending you good, healing thoughts during this time of great stress. My best to you.

  127. I had the opposite problem years ago. Strong coffee gives me palpitations so I asked my (now ex-) husband to order me de-caf cappaccinos. But for some reason I was STILL having palpitations so I thought there was something else in the coffee causing the problem until he admitted “they can’t make de-caf cappaccino.”

    It wasn’t the grounds for divorce but ….

    • I have the same problem with caffeine as you – I get heart palpitations, cold sweats, and wicked heartburn. My lovely DH knows I am really sensitive to caffeine but only remembers about 50% of the time to specify decaf when he is ordering me something from Starbucks. The last time he ordered me a grande mocha, I downed it 5 minutes before I had to give a major presentation in front of 150+ people. 10 minutes into my talk I realized I was talking in fast forward and shaking. Glanced down at my cup sitting there on the podium – uh oh, not marked decaf. I took a deep breath, apologized to the room, and threw my hubby under the bus. Got a good laugh.

  128. Enjoyed this so much I had to read the whole thing to my husband, but I have to say, that must be really good decaf if you didn’t notice anything amiss. I think I’ll go buy some!

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  130. I’m from Brazil – we drink the good stuff here, dark and strong. A deep cup of steaming rich caffeine each morning has kept my teenagers alive. It allowed me to think sweet thoughts of my husband while he traveled to the ends of the earth and kids had to go to hospitals, cars broke down, ceilings caved in and gangs shot at each other on our street. Coffee is the best thing God could do for Non-morning people! Joe is just lucky you didn’t kill him. Just saying.
    Donya

  131. Oh I get it. SO hilarious.

    I gave up coffee (and all caffeine) 2 weeks ago for health reasons to avoid going on medication. (Overactive bladder).

    I no longer have to pee every 20 minutes, but OMG, it is hard.

    I also gave up sugar that same week. I miss coffee more. :(

  132. Oh dear, I can totally get what that must have done to you. I would not have been laughing. I drink coffee all day, in the evening, and sometimes when I have insomnia at 3 am, a cup of coffee will settle me and I nod right off.

    Once an anesthesiologist added caffeine to my iv during surgery because, he said, “I don’t want you going into withdrawal.” Actually I felt better after that surgery than I ever have as far as post-op hangover. There was none.

    Peace and caffeine to you!

  133. Stephanie, this is truly funny and so well written. I am a Canadian (quilter) living in California and I live vicariously through your adventures – thank you for the laugh today.

  134. I am still laughing while trying to type. I am in tears. Boy are you a strong lady. Such faith, such perserverance while suffering from withdrawl. This is funny as can be. Laugh, laugh laugh…

  135. Oh. Dear. God.

    I went through that about a year ago, only mine also included things like leaving a travel mug open and dumping the contents of my cream-laden coffee all over the cloth upholstery in my carpool driver’s car, which of course meant I got to pay to have it detailed lest it stink of coffee and rotten milk…and then, the next day, nearly killing myself and my fellow carpoolers while trying to get us all to work at oh-dark-thirty.

    I so, so feel your pain.

    Although I was actually grateful when I figured out I’d been drinking decaf – I was beginning to believe Dr. Google when he was whispering things about a brain tumor.

  136. OMG! The same thing happened to me a couple of years ago! My dad found coffee on sale and gave me a couple of bags. Neither of us noticed it was decaf. The only real coffee I had in 2 weeks was the odd one from work. I sooooo feel your pain.
    Glad to hear you’re all better.
    :)

  137. My sympathies! You’re ahead of me on overall coffee volume, but I’ve had the headache (drinking decaf unawares as well), and it’s a doozy! Glad you’re better now!

  138. I am so grateful there is no disease-state going on…wheeoo. also, once I saw that ‘decaf’, I instantly got a sympathy caffeine-detox pain in my head. That is simply awful…

  139. This almost tops Joe and the truck – Thank you! Joe, Pato, Stephanie! I needed this one!!!! and you rule!!!!

  140. OMG, I am so sorry. Yes, I’m laughing at the story, but I personally know that caffeine withdrawal headaches are big angry b*tches and I am so, so sorry.

  141. Oh my gosh — this is the funniest thing I have read in days. Thank you so much. Although I feel slightly guilty for having a laugh at your expense, you just relayed it so well…. I thought you were going to say that a friend of yours was getting a divorce and you were depressed about it! And this could only happen to you. I’m so sorry you had such a bad week and I’m glad the mystery is solved.

  142. I just keep reading this and laughing. Not that I’m unsympathetic to what must have been a horrible week, but… that’s funny stuff right there. :D

    Something tells me that in all the future times of Joe buying coffee, he’ll be extra-cautious & will burst out with laughs while in the grocery store. :)

  143. I can so relate to this! My husband did almost the same thing to me a couple of years ago, though he only switched to half-caffeine. The difference is that he KNEW he had done it having decided that he, himself, was drinking too much caffeine. Finally ‘fessed up around Thursday when I’d been dragging around for 4 days saying, “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am sooo draggy and tired.” If I’d had the energy, I might have killed him :-)

  144. I have to admit that at the exact moment that I read the line about your family breaking down into hysterical laughter, I had just begun laughing. I have tears streaming down my face. BUT I also empathize with the terrible caffeine withdrawal, although my caffeine-of-choice is tea, not coffee. Joe needs to make amends, but I’m very glad you shared this with us. I needed the giggles. Sorry they are at your expense. :)

  145. I couldn’t get out of bed this morning for the life of me. I was so tired it was craziness. Then I realized that I, too, was having caffeine issues since everything at my family’s house (I’m visiting) is decaf. To solve this problem, I took a walk to the store, then brewed a double strength pot. I’m much better now but thanks for helping me out.

  146. Ohhhhh! I’m not a coffee drinker, but this explains why we had a coffee canister at work that was labelled “DANGER: DECAF!!” in much the same way you’d label hazardous chemicals!

  147. I just read this for the second time because I needed a laugh . . . and it worked!
    Steph, you can tell a story like no one else. I can still giggle about your 14km (or whatever) “walk in the woods” story, too.
    Thanks for being there when I need a good guffaw!

  148. When my Mom read your post this morning she emailed it to me and told me that I needed to read it right away. You see, I was recently hospitalized for 2 1/2 weeks for a nasty case of pneumonia and pleural effusion which I acquired post op from surgery I had on May 1st. For over a month I hadnt had any coffee. I only recently started to knit again and even now I’m not knitting full on if you know what I mean. Recovery has been tough my breathing is painful and I’ve been tired… Oh so tired. Mom went out for some errands earlier, came back and thrusted into my hands a Quad Venti Nonfat 7 pump White Chocolate Mocha with no whipcream from a national coffee chain that shall remain nameless. She loudly proclaimed “If it can affect the Harlot it can affect you too. Maybe it’s part of the problem! Here….drink this.” I love my Mom. Moreover, I love her reasoning. My breathing still hurts and my coughing is bad but man, AM I AWAKE! Thanks Stephanie for your humorous musings, the world would certainly not be the same place without them or you!

  149. Yarn Harlot is usually a high point in my day – your ‘decaf’ story was great, but the comments are depressing. Why do so many want to blame your husband for what was/is a common mistake? He does not deserve all these insults!

  150. Thank You. I only comment every now and then (once a year?! Mayb?!) You warm my heart and always keep me returning to hear your words. Go Joe. Recaffination. New word

  151. Hi stephanie

    How you felt is reality for those with auto immune/neuro diseases feel every day. Go figure.

    Just wish a reverse of your plan fixed it!

    I was beginning to panic re the symptoms.
    Please take care of that hectic lifestyle but i need you to keep living it for me.

    Sponsor in the to do list.
    Hugs

  152. Oh Stephanie! This brings back a nightmare from when I worked in book publishing in NYC. At the time, I felt my boss (the president of the company) was drinking too much caffeine and getting too “wired” so I switched her pot out to decaf, thinking it would be good for her health and good for my sanity. A week went by, and she was even more agitated than with caffeine. Unbeknownst to me, she began thinking she had contracted some terrible, fatal disease and was in a developing panic. At some point into week two, I casually confessed my experiment, thinking she’d be grateful for my concern. Instead, I thought she was going to fire me on the spot; it was the only time she was ever angry at me in our seven years together. I felt lucky to get out of her office alive that day, and will never, ever, ever again underestimate the power of The Bean.

  153. Oh my goodness. I was gearing up for a read that you were taking a breakon from cycling and voila! A nasty trick unknowingly played on you! I laughed and laughed ! I am sorry to have laughed at your misfortune but your timing is bang on! Thank you! Your poor husband. It’s a good thing you don’t hold a grudge!

  154. I have been having a REALLY bad week (just found out I’ll be downsized….) and I have to tell you that this post made me laugh.

    You have to know what that means. I truly appreciate it.

  155. This post was hilarious, as usual!

    But I must say that I am a card-carrying member of the pro-nap group.

    And I almost broke out in hives when I read “take all the yarn in the house and set fire to it in the street” You mean like a neighborhood bonfire? With my gorgeous, expensive and well-sourced-on-the-Web yarn evaporating into thin air? I know this did not actually happen in your world, but it’s a traumatic image….

  156. So funny!. Reminds me of the time my husband reached into my knitting bag while talking to my sister and pulled out a needle to scratch his back. He pulled out the needle with the stitches on it! The look on his face was priceless, and the apologizing started instantly. He has promised to never, ever do that again! Lucky for him it was easy to pick up those stitches. If it had been lace work, well, let’s just say there would go 37 years of marriage. Kaput!

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  159. Omg, O!M!G!, poor you….
    Hubby and I are in a similar relationship, coffeewise, I do, he doesn’t. But then I just do not take the risk of letting him make my coffee (or shop, for that matter, I mean, we have a budget to stick to, but that’s a totally different story). Just, poor you, I can just FEEL your headache.

  160. Ahaha, I am laughing out loud as I read this over my morning cofee. You wouldn’t believe the tantrum I threw one morning when I realized I accidentally bought decaf. I just went to the coffee shop that morning so there was no break in my coffee intake and I still freaked out. I cannot imagine what the last week has been like for you.

  161. I haven’t read your blog in a few years — life got in the way. But, here I am in a quiet house (kids at camp and baby asleep) and I pull up this post. OMG – thank you for making me laugh and laugh!! Hope you are feeling better and hope you had a great birthday!
    THANK YOU!

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