Today is better. I’d say that everything is smoother, and it’s all evening out, but the truth is that last night I made a determined and clever decision to care less. It’s easy, when things are chaotic and wild to start thinking that if only I had my scene together, the world would just smooth itself out. Another list, two more post-it’s another tremendous effort to pull it all together – nope. A bunch of this is simply beyond my control, and I’d do well, I realized to remember that. Some parts of life are just a ride you’re on, and you really can’t get off until the next station. Until then, you just smile, nod, do the best you can to be cheerful, and wait until you can high-tail it out of Dodge. That’s my plan. In the meantime, a miracle has happened.
I’ve continued to work on Fox Paws, and it’s been this… thing. it’s something I knit on, something I like, but it’s been going so slowly that to imagine it as a finished object would have been folly. I’m not making a scarf, I’m just knitting Fox Paws. It’s sort of like yoga or something. You go, you do it, and it’s pleasant, and it’s a thing that you do, but it’s not like there’s a finish line. A time when you’ll have accomplished yoga, and you’ll stop and do something else. Fox Paws has been like that. The finish line seemed so far away as to be an unlikely goal. Last night, that all changed. On a whim, for no reason other than I felt like it, I draped it around my neck in between rows. Really, I was more reinforcing that idea that I wasn’t making a scarf than anything else, but lo and behold, it’s actually pretty long.
It is long enough that for a second, I could see the future. A future where I am not knitting Fox Paws, because the exercise actually ended, and I got a scarf. I scarf I wear on my body! I took it off and measured, and I measured a repeat, and I thought about how long it takes me to knit a repeat (tip: a long time) and I realized that I’m eight repeats from done. Eight. That’s it.
It prompted this amazing thought, something I’d given up thinking about 20 minutes after I started knitting this. I think I’m making a scarf.
How about that.