Undone

I’m sitting here poppets, with a glass of champagne (left over from our Solstice celebration last night) and you can stick a fork in me, because I am done.  Now, I’m not technically done, I’m pretty far from done. There’s knitting left to knit and the wrapping, mercy… I can’t even talk about the wrapping, but this morning I forayed out and made my annual military style strike on the mall, and while I was there, I got done. Let me back up. Last night was the solstice, and it was a thing of beauty. I lit the ice lanterns and every candle in the house, and made a simple supper, and then the knitters came, and we had the grandest time.

candles2 2015-12-22 icelantern 2015-12-22 candleslit 2015-12-22

The whole time, I was filled with the loveliest sense of calm. My friends, the candles, the cozy long night… I woke up this morning fortified, and sure that the season would go off as it should.  I have another finished pair of socks (I’m behind, but at least that’s done)

moredone 2015-12-22

and I did what we always do on the Solstice – I got online and made all our charitable donations for the year. It’s tradition for us, I always feel so lucky and blessed on the Solstice. Lucky to live in such a peaceful and wealthy country, lucky to have a family that’s safe and healthy… lucky to have the resources to make things nice for everyone. it feels right to spread it around on this day.  (This years recipients were The Bike Rally (that’s a link to my page, if you’re feeling a little solstice joy) and Spread the Net, MSF, and Because I am a girl.  I was so heartened by all of this, that I took my little list of things left to do, and left for the mall feeling…. not too bad about it at all.

I hate the mall. It’s everything I dislike about this season all rolled into one, and the crowds get me, and the parking gets me, and the lighting in the place gets me… but it remains the best way to buy 12 unrelated things, and so once a year, I go there, and i shop. I go with a plan, I go with a list, and I go with speed.   I was there, and I’d bought just about everything I needed, and I was hot, and I was crabby, and I was hungry, and I just needed a few more stocking type things for Joe, and I was in The Bay. The Bay is a fine Canadian institution, and not a bad place to try and wrap up loose ends, and that’s what I was trying to do.  I was shopping, but I didn’t know for what, and the whole thing felt like it had fallen apart into a wild jaunt through a commercial nightmare, and it should have been that that was when I went home. I should have looked at myself, looked at my budget, looked at how very much I’d gotten already, and I should have left. Right that minute, but I swear that the air is funny in that place, and I couldn’t think right, and so I was rushing up the escalator towards… I don’t know what (which should have been another clue) and I came off the escalator at a thousand miles an hour, and in front of me was this.

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You can see the escalator I came up right there, and you can see these mannequins with their arms stuck right out.  See it? Well, I didn’t. i came off the escalator, and the woman right behind me said “Oh CAREFUL” and I didn’t register it was directed at me, and I ran straight into the outstretched hand of the first mannequin. Took it right in the head.  I hit it with all the force of a woman undone by shopping. I ran straight into it, clotheslined myself, reeled backwards, and then fell down. Backwards, like in a movie.

The woman rushed over and asked if I was OK, and then a guy came over and said “Holy (*^%. You really ran into that!” (Thanks buddy. Hadn’t noticed.) I sort of staggered up, and said “I’m ok. I’m ok” and prepared to flee  (I am exactly the sort of person who has extensive experience with embarrassing situations of all types) and snatched up my scattered packages, all while insisting I was fine (with the big handprint of the mannequin on my forehead) and the lady and the guy started handing me my things and saying things like “Oh Wow, that’s going to leave a mark” and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the guy says “Um, I think you spilled all your….” and I look down, and the bag that had contained ten pairs of panties (complete with lace, in bright colours) has ruptured, and strewn festive ladies undergarments all over the floor.

We picked them up together, and stuffed them into my purse, and I stood there for a minute, looking around to see if I’d dropped anything else. The guy wandered off, the lady asked me one more time if I was quite sure I was all right (I totally was) and in a heartbeat, I realized I was done. Shopping or not, Christmas or not… I was done. I went to the car, and I drove the hell home, and when I got here, I poured myself that glass of champagne.

I’m done, or undone. I’ll deal with whatever that means tomorrow. I’m going to knit now.

159 thoughts on “Undone

  1. That totally sounds like something that would happen to me!
    I too avoid the mall unless absolutely necessary. So far so good this year, but the natives are getting restless and I know I will have to suck it up and go. If anything happens I’ll be sure to share it with you YH.
    Love, Peace, and Knitted Joy to you and your family.
    Merry Christmas

      • Yep, but I got used to not having anytime to shop until winter break as a student and now it is just habit. To be fair, the sort of clumsiness I am talking about can happen any time of year . It doesn’t have to be Christmas for me to walk into doors or trip over displays while trying to dodge perfume sprayers. **grin**

  2. I’m glad you’re okay!! The indignities!! Can you please tell me if those were fox hats the other day and if so can you direct me the pattern? Happy Solstice!

    • Can’t vouch for whether or not the Harlot was knitting them, but a quick pattern search for “fox hats” on Ravelry turns up some pretty adorable patterns!

  3. Oh no, I hope you did not get hurt. We celebrated Solstice in the living room/tv quietly with no crowds. Christmas shopping is totally out of control and that is why we stopped years ago (no children, so ok). Best wishes to you and your huge, extended family. We are only 4 counting my husband, his sister and her husband (600 miles away) and me. Have a fantastic holiday – you earned it.

  4. Oh goodness. I am sitting at my desk at work, trying to laugh quietly and have tears running down my face. Thank you for that. And hope it doesn’t leave a mark for too long.

  5. Oh Steph. Here I was, all ready for you to post about how you had some enlightening moment with those mannequins, who were telling you to stop. That you were done, and you turned around and left. Alas, the season got the best of you also. I fell on Dec. 3rd and broke my wrist, and they told me it was just a sprain, and I found out from my rather irate doctor (who wasn’t informed) yesterday, that it was in fact broken all these weeks.. and really, I’m done too. I’m taking my broken self to get stocking gifts and the dinner fixings tomorrow after work, and then Thursday, while the family visits relatives (I have to work and can’t go), I’m going to come home, have a snuggle with my puppy, and take a long, well deserved nap. I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

  6. Dude, those mannequins clearly had their hands out to tell you to STOP, turn around and go home. *shakes head sorrowfully* What a pity you didn’t get the signal quite in time.

  7. I hear ya Stephanie. I once ran smack into a glass wall, which of course I thought was a door, at the mall, got a big goose egg on the head, turned beet red and if it wasn’t for the loud “thwack” sound I made announcing my misfortune to the world I think I could’ve gotten away unseen. Sigh. It really goes to prove that the Mall is an evil place and should be avoided at all costs. Drink that champagne and have Joe go get some more. Merry Christmas!

  8. Escalators are dangerous. I feel down one the other day. Blame the escalator (that’s what I did) not yourself. But going home was a good decision.

  9. Brilliant! It’s too bad life had to literally knock you down to slow you down, but now hopefully you’ll enjoy the remainder of the season. Happy, happy holidays!!

  10. All I could hear in my head while reading this was you saying “cause of death” – I was in two of your classes at the CGFF in November and you regaled us with your stories of tripping over things (as you nearly tripped over an extension cord in class).

    I’m glad you are home, safe and sound, and I sincerely hope you don’t end up with a mannequin-hand bruise on your forehead.

    But if you do…pictures? 😉

  11. The season is rife with dangers and dilemmas. Good story – as long as you are not seriously hurt. The mall? dude. Its a jungle out there, perhaps a little more situational awareness next time, or a helmet. Well, if a mannequin doesn’t get you, the toxic fumes at Bath & Bodyworks (or whatever the hell it’s call) will. Champagne is a good start, might want to move on to something more fortifying.

    What the hell am I supposed to do with a Panetonne? How is that even a gift? What’s wrong with a Chocolate Orange. I love a good chocolate orange.

    No knitted gifts on a deadline. Ever. I can’t even get the final thumb finished on a pair of mittens for me. It’s winter, my hands are cold.

    Seen on a little wooden sign “I don’t know if it killing me or making stronger.”

      • Lighten up, Jeff! It’s winter, it’s cold, it’s Christmas, and nobody’s fingers are typing perfectly.

    • I can tell you about panetone. If you slice it into little bowls, drizzle with sherry (or bourbon, or . . .) throw a little custard on it, a spot of whipped cream – delish!
      Or you can slice it and make French toast, another yummy thing.
      Give it a try – not as good as a chocolate orange, but not bad at all.
      Chris S in Canada

    • Hi there,
      You don’t have to do anything with a panettone, apart from eat it. I’m having some for breakfast just now. If you like bready fruity brioche then it’s just the thing. It should be moist but if it’s a bit dry, you could toast it and add butter -also good and a bit like a toasted teacake or hot cross bun in the UK – I’m not sure what the Canadian equivalent would be?

  12. The yarn company I work for (neighborhood fiber co) made a special colorway to benefit MSF. 100% of the sales of Sans Frontières are going to be donated on December 31st. We are at $9,271 USD!!! I love my job 🙂

  13. You win at being done. Or the mannequin wins. Hard to call that one.

    I’m relieved to know that even on December 22 there are kind souls who will stop to help the wounded rather than step over the body on the floor and continue on with their shopping.

    Happy Solstice! I’m off to DWB/MSF to donate, too. 🙂

  14. Steph,

    I laugh because it’s good to know that I’m not the only person in the world who does crazy things like this. Glad that you’re home safe. Relax, and enjoy your knitting, because Christmas is coming whether you’re ready or not, so you might as well decide that it’s all good.

    Merry Christmas!

  15. One holiday, I slipped and fell on a freshly waxed floor at the airport..on my arse…in full view of EVERYONE. I know I was more embarrassed than hurt, and totally brushed off the people that rushed over to help. I feel your pain – although getting smacked in the head seems much worse – my arse is well padded! Malls are horrible – I love to shop but not in one of those….Happy Christmas and put your feet up!

  16. Oh my! I really hope you are ok, and just had to tell you that this post made me just about pee my pants. 🙂 You illustrated this so beautifully, and while it’s terrible, it’s also so wonderfully funny! Thank you for sharing!!!

  17. Shopping as a contact sport. Could be an Olympic sport! I hope there are no lasting effects from the mannequin or the champagne. Have a wonderful Christmas!

  18. We’re opening gifts tomorrow bc DD has to work the eve, the night, Grandgirl’s birthday AND the following night (she’s a nurse working 12-hour shifts). So all is done for them; I’m trying to knit a second fingerless glove for a neighbor/friend by Christmas day.
    Sorry to admit it, but I laughed myself silly at your misadventures — not the smack upside the head, but the undies, undies everywhere.
    Enjoy your champagne and relax — you’ve earned the break.

  19. Christmas has suddenly taken a back seat to the anxiety and guilt that sometimes occurs when you’re raising an adventurous baby who has yet to develop any sense of self-preservation. And to Doctor’s appointments. I will get done what I can without falling apart and be grateful that we are all present and mostly in one piece.

    • Wishing you strength, sweetie.

      Kids mostly learn ‘self-preservation’ by, firstly, putting themselves right smack in the middle of ‘harm’s way’, and then learning that’s not the best thing to do.

      Lots of strength. Tons and tons and tons of strength.

      That, or both a budget and a liver that can take heavy drinking …

  20. And why is it, that we do this to ourselves? I don’t seem to have learned much in my 60+ years… Do I enjoy the stress? Do I crave it during the holidays? I think I like the end result of family and grands opening their gifts that got there by pure, miraculous, intervention….. But definitely I don’t like what leads to that perfect moment, when the gifts are opened…. I remember one year, you introducing me to a “spread sheet”…. Never heard of that before…..and THAT year, was the closest I was to making the season a perfect one….. I was so in control, that I attended several musical performances, took little triops, went to see the lights….. I am Catholic..I should know better and remember wha I am celebrating….. Glad you are still in one piece…. Merry Christmas, and thank you for your inspiring posts….

    • Simplify, simplify, simplify …..

      Decide what’s most important to you, and spend your time, energy and money on those things alone. Everything else is irrelevant to your personal celebration ……. and that is hugely OK!

  21. Why do some of us women do this to ourselves each year? We know that family and time spent together is better than the most expensive gift or whatever…yet when Christmas comes around suddenly we feel like each person needs this gift or that. Crazy, just crazy. I thought making things handmade would be more special, maybe even easier. Yes to the special, no to the easier. Next year I will get a head start. Cause really, leaving the commercialism as far away as possible has been the best gift not only for myself but for my troop of sons.
    Being facepalmed by a mannequin sounds exactly like something that would happen to me. I run into things all the time…painfully and with bruises. I feel your pain!
    Blessings to you and yours this season.

  22. Oh no. In a way, it’s very heartening to see the speed and energy with which there are -always- some kind people to rush up and check up on you/your underwear/your groceries when you smack yourself in the head with a mannequin/trip over the garden hose/splatter yourself on the street somehow. Really, they make the world a better place, and let me personally thank all the ones who’ve picked me up from painful situations over the years. But, you know, it’s also so humiliating :-).. So I’m glad you had bubbly waiting for you at home, and knitting to take your mind off it all. Good for you getting it all done in one go. Now I hope you enjoy being home for the rest of the countdown.. Great socks by the way :-).

  23. Right now I am really happy that I know to put down the wine before reading one of your blog posts. Thanks for the belly-laugh break from the holiday craziness.

  24. Stephanie, you made me laugh so very hard…a big belly laugh, the best. And you made me realize that I, too, am *done*!! I wish you and your immediate and extended family a peaceful, warm, cuddly Christmas.

  25. Oh honey I am so sorry. And that is so me. For me it was the Prius lift gate that didn’t lift and in the dark, not seeing that, bending to unload the Thanksgiving leftovers after coming home from an aunt’s…I gave myself a good enough concussion to test like a stroke victim at the doctor’s the next day. Take good care of yourself. Those head smacks can be brutal, and sometimes more so the next day when the swelling sets in. If any symptoms show up please get seen.

  26. Sorry for your tumble. Not only did you add some interest to our days, both of your Good Samaritans went home with a good story to tell you.

    In my high school days, I once walked around our local mall with the seam in the back of my pants split out (and not a soul told me). I tripped up the curb going to church one day (in front of most of my friends). I flipped off the back of a treadmill at the gym on the one day that I knew most people in that area.

    It happens. Now I just need to stick a bottle of bubbly in the fridge for when these things happen. I like your antidote!

  27. Joe, you need to cushion your wife with more bubble wrap or luxury yarn, STAT! (Refilling her champagne would also be nice.)

    YH, you’re through the worst. Sit back and relax. May you and yours have a happy and safe holiday season

  28. Oh Stephanie, as a fairly new follower, I have to say that I just love the way you write! So sorry about your accident with the mannequin, and the indignity of having numerous pairs of undies falling all over the place, but it was just so funny to read!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family from a world away, down here in New Zealand, where we have a warm, sunny, summer Christmas.

    Keep on knitting – and sipping champers, and I do hope you don’t have a huge bruise to show for your accident.

    Best wishes from Jenny

  29. I hate to say this but I am not only done, the presents are given, opened, and the leftovers are being consumed. (Out of town child & spouse + busy in-town child, spouse & granddaughter = Christmas gift opening during halftime of the GB Packers game last Sunday with Italian Wedding Soup and Japanese Chicken Wings with salad and chocolate mousse for supper after the game was over.) There is Christmas dinner at the in-town child’s house on Friday and granddaughter’s 2nd birthday on Jan. 3 left for celebrating. I might be sewing up a dining chair play-kitchen slipcover before the birthday, so there’s still a bit of panicky creating left but it feels very different from Christmas panic.

    I hope the mannequin’s okay. I’m impressed that you had champagne and not Screech. I hope Joe likes the panties.

  30. No matter how hard I try to make the season less commercial, there is always something needed that keeps me out til the last possible moment. I kid myself by thinking that if I were to do things ahead of time, I’d likely forget that I’ve done them and end up repeating my efforts, costing more time, energy and money. There’s no way to win except to take it as it comes and to enjoy the moments with friends and family that make it so worth it. Happy holidays to you and your family!

  31. Stephanie,
    The only thing different about that story if it happened to me, which would be a real possibility, would be for all of the mannequins to fall down like dominoes and causing all kinds of destruction. I’d have to take out a loan to pay for the damage.

    Enjoy the champagne.
    Merry Christmas to you all.

  32. I feel rather badly for how much and how hard I’m laughing at this story (not at your actual misfortune), But I Just. Cannot. Stop.

    Hope the champagne fixes you right up, and at least you have a lovely story to tell (and the mark is extra proof of its veracity). The holidaze are always pretty ridiculous, but this is one epic story!

  33. Oh no! Glad you are okay! See… this is why I knit… yarn has not knocked me flat on my tush… yet….. and for the rest of the gifts… there is Amazon…

  34. The mall is never kind to you. If you need anything else from there, send Joe or the ladies, lol. Hope things go more smoothly tomorrow.

  35. OUCH! That’s a really macabre chorus line you joined at the top of that escalator. Black (and blue in your case) must be IN this year. Champagne and knitting is definitely in order after a misadventure like yours. Can’t help laughing though at the shower of undies. The visuals in my head are priceless. Thank goodness samaritans are everywhere.

  36. Kid surgery has delayed in person shopping, and Amazon mis-calculated when delivery of a crucial gift would occur, so I still have the mall to brave tomorrow. So not looking forward to that.

    I will keep an eye out for hostile mannequins, though. I do appreciate the warning.

    And I hope you are none the worse for wear, and have a quiet couple days.

  37. I am glad you were not seriously hurt, but this story…. It is seems it should be right out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation! Wowser! I bet you have the best stories to tell. I am still chuckling about getting whapped. Knit on…

  38. If you can find someone to go out and get it – or have it delivered – I’d be asking for another bottle or two of bubbly. And a jug or two of orange juice. Then just keep pouring until Christmas morning or whenever the supplies run out. The Vit C is good for you – with luck it will slow or stop the bruising and keep away a (touch wood) cold. And the bubbly can’t possibly hurt!

    That’s my plan from the moment I get home from Christmas Eve service – starting pouring Mimosas and don’t stop till it’s over!

    Hope you’re feeling OK and I’m really sorry I laughed at the story, but you told it so well.
    Chris S in Canada

  39. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m boggled that you actually stopped to take a Scene-of-Crime photo!!! Me, I woulda just been in a big hustling, head down in collar hurry to get the heck away…you get crazy credit for commitment to blog content!!!
    (And I do have to agree: when a Mannequin, a device expressly designed to encourage you to buy clothing, tells you to STOP and go home, it’s well past time to listen…) =)

  40. Oy, I feel so bad for you! ( is something wrong with me that I did not find it funny?). Hope you are ok. That display is totally weird, btw.

  41. …just had to ask. Do you think the mannequins are laughing in secret? I bet that after the store closed, they high fived each other!

    bjr

  42. I, too, hope you’re fully recovered by Christmas Eve. I’ll add your experience to the list of reasons I have not ventured into the mall in almost 9 years. Some guardian angel is helping me find other alternatives.

    I am “done”. Last stop was yesterday at a pet supply shop where I spent close to $100 USD on gifts for four-legged family and friends and a supplementary donation to our local humane society.

    Life would be perfect if I didn’t have the horrid feeling that the pullover for my mother with a complicated Celtic Knot motif will have to be undone and re-knit. I think it’s about a size too small. I don’t think my angels knit….

  43. Oh man! I was thinking “Cause of death” too. As well as being sure they were all going over like dominoes. Sorry they sucker punched you. In the spirit of support, I shall have a nice strong hot buttered rum in your honor. Send the ladies to the mall next time for sure.

  44. Now, if this happened in the USA of course there would be a lawyer and a lawsuit involved. Sounds like someone did not have good foresight about placement of these dratted things. Glad you are ok – hopefully your pride, and your head, have improved!

    • I’ve been wondering why no one has complained about the location of those things! That’s an idiotic place to put them in the first place.

      Glad you’re OK, Steph, and hope you enjoy the rest of the holidays with your loved ones. Me, I’m on a Pearl-McFee Re-Read binge. 🙂

  45. My three year old saw the picture of the mannequins and asked me: What are those statue-ladies? What are those witches?
    I don’t know how he knew those mannequins were up to no good, just by looking at them…

  46. We’re not even home this Christmas – heading to my mum tomorrow, and am so broken after all the shopping, wrapping, knitting for my daughter’s first Christmas that I’m now sitting in front of “attack of the clones” (really! Although partly as toddler appears to have eaten remote!) trying to eat a superheated (microwave defrost, left too long) mince pie without burning myself or having it pinched by the toddler. I should be tidying and cleaning so I can pack later, but as fast as I fill the toy box she not only empties it, but finds something ridiculous or deadly to play with. Done. Done. Done.

  47. Stephanie, Blessings to you and yours this Christmas. Thank you for all the stories, laughter, tears and knitting loveliness you’ve gifted us with this year.

  48. At least you had the wherewithal to take a photo of the mannequins before you left. 😉

    Merry Christmas to you and yours!

    and a Very Happy New Year!

    • I was also thinking, what a champion blogger — this happens and she takes a photo for the Blog!

      Go, Stephanie, we love you.

      I’m Clicking the foot, soon to have a sock, no doubt.

  49. Thank you for being so amazing and so amazingly honest.
    And for more beautiful bokeh plus the lovely candlelight.
    Done is a wonderful thing to realize.

  50. The universe really does have a way of telling us when to go home / take a break / stop torturing ourselves… Sorry you had to get slapped in the head literally, though! Your story reminded me for some reason of the year my mother and I were obsessing over her long-as-her-arm to-do list 2 days before Christmas, and her Siberian husky leaped up, grabbed the list out of her hands, and shredded it at her feet in less than 5 seconds. A less painful sign, but just as clear. Wishing your family a PEACEFUL and blessed Christmas!

  51. I am so sorry but I’m sitting here trying my best not to laugh and it’s not working! I so feel your pain as I am the biggest clutz in our family. I discovered something beautiful last year….online shopping. I can sit at my computer drinking a lovely glass of wine and find EXACTLY what gifts I’m looking for. Since there are so many deals out there (free shipping, 20% off, etc) I’m getting these items for less. If I do go shopping with a friend, it’s a nice experience since I’m not rushing around trying to find things…I simply enjoy all of the Christmas decorations and the music. It’s the reason why I still have my sanity!!

  52. I’m suprised only danielle nabozny and I think the placement of mannequins with white outstretched arms near the top of an escalator was not a good idea. I don’t know about suing but I certainly would have told someone at the store that they were dangerous and should be moved.

    Hope the rest of your week flows smoothly!

  53. Stephanie, I feel your pain. I avoid the mall, but yesterday I got a desperate plea from my best friend to get her boyfriend some insulated jeans (50% off) he wanted, since I was out shopping and she was stuck at work. So I took a deep breath and dove in. Gee whiz Nelly! It was a madhouse. I nearly ran into several people (or perhaps they nearly ran into me), which might not have hurt as much as running into a mannequin, but would definitely be embarrassing.

  54. Dumbest mannequin display ever. I totally blame the mannequins. They were lying in wait to trip up someone. Who does these displays? Why not just a net to fall on you at the top so you cant leave their department? Totally their fault. Not on you. But drink the champagne anyway.

  55. Oh, bless your heart, I’m happy you’re OK. It’s always the way, a person gets a little heavenly sent tap on the shoulder that it’s time to quit, but “No”, it takes the brick to the head to make a us stop. I am so happy you made it home to the drink and knitting.

  56. To me, those mannequins are clearly saying, “Stop with the Christmas shopping, or we will attack you with our wild kung fu moves.” Clearly, this is what happened, and you are blameless.

  57. At the risk of being digitally stoned for saying it…may I suggest that next year you avoid the mall and complete your miscellaneous shopping on Amazon instead? I wholeheartedly prefer shopping locally, but for me the stores in the mall don’t really represent local businesses – they are big chain businesses. And Amazon has their Smile version where you can designate a charity and some small portion of your purchases goes toward that charity.

    Sure beats running into a poorly placed mannequin and ruining your hard-earned holiday cheer. 🙂

    • I agree with you about local shopping and malls. No local shops can afford mall real estate. I do a lot of my shopping at local stores and craft sales. As for the rest, well, my Christmas shopping elves live at Amazon.

  58. I have an uneasy relationship with gravity. Last Friday we were walking into the auditorium of a movie theater and I tripped on the stairs. Did a face plant on the metal edge of the next step; hit right beneath my nose. My two cupped hands could not contain the blood that gushed from my nose. First thought: OMG, that hurts!(Yes, yes, it did.) Second thought: Did I just knock out my two front teeth? (No. Thank FSM.) It took three handfuls of paper towels and napkins to sop up the red stuff, and I have a small but nasty bruise on my upper lip.

  59. You REALLY need to go to the mall in November. I do not set foot in the mall for at least 2 weeks before christmas, and I feel a whole lot less undone by the season. Try it next year. Put it in the spreadsheet…”all mall business to be conducted by December 1st” Way easier. And my mall isn’t even a tenth the size of yours.

  60. I had the same moment of clarity this weekend. After shopping at the mall, wrapping gifts and then heading into the kitchen to bake (even more goodies that no one really needs), I looked around and said, “I’m done.” Not angry, not defeated, just DONE. I had a glass of wine, as well.
    Take care, YH and enjoy the holiday as much and as best as you can!

  61. Dang, I shouldn’t laugh, but I did. One of those embarrassing moments. What did they expect with those arms outstretched. That’s dangerous!
    Merry Christmas and thanks for keeping us in stitches (Get it?) HO HO HO!!!!

  62. Oh dear. I am so glad that this happened to you … If it had to happen at all … In Canada. (Where, you know, people are polite and still have some manners.) Because as an American, I fear that if it had happened to you in this country, the best you could have hoped for was a crowd of stupid people standing around laughing hysterically, taking photos or video of you struggling to your feet, lace underwear spilled in every direction, which later would have been posted to “social media.”
    Best wishes for your celebrations!! May they be a little bit less hectic, and filled with laughter, love and light!!

  63. My sympathies go with you. I swore a solemn oath many years ago that I would NOT darken the door of any Mall in the month of December. Since I can’t remember the last time I was in one, it’s no loss. I shop in the little shops – in the strip mall, yes – but they’re usually owner operated & you get to know who you’re dealing with. Better service. No crowds. And no killer mannequins.

  64. Oh Steph, my sympathies on the mall trip. I’m glad you are not hurt. Have a wonderful holiday with your family and enjoy! Merry Christmas!

  65. My first glance at the photos without having begun the read of the blog was “Well, THAT is an accident waiting to happen!” I got a visual in my head of a shopper , ahem, ‘guest’, becoming entangled and the domino effect in priceless display, then going viral on YouTube, and several immediate job openings at that location.
    I have a good couple decades in retail management and it’s quite obvious that store’s safety and security officer was not doing their job nor the store management team. First rule of retail design is SAFETY. Even more unfortunate, the elevator for those with restricted mobility generally sits between the escalators in most store layouts. It appears regardless of transportation method to that floor, serious injuries were guaranteed. November and December are the months those in retail are constantly reminded by conscious managers to be diligent about safety hazards due to increased shopping population’s presence and penchant to leave a physical trail behind them resembling a teenage boy’s room and obstacle course.
    They may as well have just piled the mannequins at the top of the escalator requiring you to hurdle and summit the pile as you dismounted the escalator, as the escalator dumped more and more shoppers on the mannequin hurdle. Much like the episode of Lucy in the candy factory.

    In the words of mothers everywhere….”You’re lucky you didn’t put an eye out!”

    Relieved you’re not blinded or left with a gaping wound or broken bones. That would just be adding serious injury to insult. (!@#$ it, WHY is it ALWAYS the most embarrassing items left pooled around one at a trip/fall/spill/assault and NOT a broken pile of the offending hazard?)

    Feet up, ice pack on, needles up, cast on, getcher holiday knit-n-nog on. Bless your heart (and head).

  66. Oh dear. While I’m glad you’re done (in the best sense), I’m sorry that you got done in such a difficult way. Feet up with tasty beverage and knitting sounds like a splendid way to enjoy the festivities of the next week.

  67. First let me say, I’m so sorry! Well done, however. Realizing that awful whack was a message. Leaving. Getting that glass of champagne.

    Finally, I really hate to chuckle and it truly isn’t directed AT you, but you write so darn well that I got a visual of you and the colorful, lacy panties…and that’s just what I did!

    Your candles look lovely. The socks are fabulous. Best of the season to you and yours.

  68. I know which mall, I know which floor, I know which mannequins. I thought to myself as I came up the escalator, “Those are stunning!”, not realizing that they were actually capable of stunning someone. I was also purchasing underwear at The Bay and met all the crabby people you probably bumped into, then took the TTC home (two buses and a subway, with my face in someone’s armpit) and then a bike, thus avoiding the parking lot where I definitely would have rammed into someone Just Because I Felt Like It! I’m over it now.

  69. Goodness, laughing with you, not at you!

    You probably shouldn’t drink too much – or you should knit simple things ^^ I’m headed to Florida for Christmas with my family this year, so we’ll be celebrating later, but I’m feeling the knitting crunch as well.
    Good luck!

  70. Hope you are healing and nothing is amiss. My first thought was some kind of martial arts-ish display. It was immediately followed by Oh Crap, near an escalator? That’s an accident waiting to happen. Very, very stupid on the part of the merchant.

    When I used to do more for Christmas, I made it a point to go shopping in July with my SO. It was relaxed and quirky. It never, however, removed the need for the last minute madness. This all occurred many years ago when the madness was a little less manic.

    Here’s a toast to a lovely Christmas and New Year for you and your family, beloved YH, and for all of the knitters and spinners and other fans who love you!

  71. Ahh! HA! haaaa! I had such a wonderful belly laugh over this. Best. Story. Ever.
    I sent the link to this post to a good friend of mine who is not even a knitter but can appreciate a great story.
    Happy Holidays! And thanks for the many years of blogging.

  72. I am hoping it doesn’t ‘leave a mark’ and that the champagne helps you get some rest. I would hate for ANYTHING to ruin your celebrations with family.

  73. OMG, I was looking through your archives, and on the solstice of 2011 you changed your goal to what it is now – $2 000 000. Your total that day was $1 102 556 and your total today is $1 112 556, which means that you have raised exactly $10 000 since that day in 2011, TO THE DOLLAR! Congratulations! That’s so so amazing, and an incredible coincidence.

  74. I thought I was done… But my niece isn’t flying in until this afternoon and that meant Noone to take my grandgirls shopping for their mom and dad… So that became me. We went to the much smaller stand alone store instead of the big box store and I shopped with a 7 year old and a 4 year old.

    What fun! They started out looking for slippers but got distracted by the jewelry… Now I have some pretty… Uh… Unique and blingy jewelry from their mom when she was little… So while the little one has taste and restraint, my daughter is wonderfully cursed with her older one, who likes big, shiny, loud stuff. Best part came shopping for their dad, tho, who walks home from work. This time of year, it’s dark and a good 2 miles is along a busy highway with no sidewalk. They got him a flashlight so the cars can see him. That was wise beyond their years, I think. I’m ready for the craziness that is tomorrow. Even with the stack of things left to be wrapped and the stuff left to be cooked and the mess the house is in. Merry Christmas.

  75. I love that even in your time of injury and indignity you thought to take a photo. What a stupid place to put mannequins. I hope your head’s not badly damaged. Have a happy day tomorrow.

  76. thanks Stephanie, I have long suspected that the true meaning of Christmas is a woman lying flat on her back in a mall covered in lacy panties contemplating her life. (Wait, why would the mall be covered in lacy panties? Discuss.)

  77. I’m way behind in reading your delightful blog and feel your pain on the mall. I pride myself in the mall avoidance but where else could I find d a set of Cartheart socks? So off we went (my husband thinks it is an adventure) and chaos it was. I have 12 months to rest up. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  78. The mannequin meet up happened because you are short. I know because I have run into cabinet doors, etc. that my tall husband has clearly seen. I had to re-check the photo. It would have been the ultimate irony if the mannequin had been wearing a commercially knitted garment. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  79. Oh my! I feel the same way in the mall- especially at Christmas. It is all that is opposite what I want to be doing at this time of year. But that, what happened to you, is pretty spectacular. It’s like even the mannequins, dummies that they are, knew it was time for you to go! Merry Christmas Stephanie, see you in the New Year.

  80. Your Solstice celebration sounds absolutely lovely. Peace, candlelight, harmony and friends; that’s the way to celebrate the season! That mall, on the other hand… (shudder)

  81. The mannequins were saying: Stop. Get out of here and never come back. The INTERNET is the best place to buy 12 unrelated things.

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