Daughter to Marry – Parents Get Grip
May 9th, 2016, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Following nothing short of a near miss in the raving insanity department, the parents of Megan would like to announce her engagement to Alex.
From all reports, the initial response of the parents involved was ironically immature. “We almost lost it” remarked her mother, when reached for comment. “I mean, who in their right mind gets behind the marriage of a mere child?”
Apparently this knee-jerk reaction was followed by a period of reflection, during which the family refrained from the immediate use of the telephone, email or text. “We had to think about it” they claimed, while clutching a folder of important papers marked MEGAN. “It seemed so crazy that she could consider doing this thing, I mean… she couldn’t possibly be old enough, but she was acting like she was, and she’s usually such a reasonable child. We decided to look into it a little more to try and make sense of it.” Encouraged by their other daughters who suggested they get “some kind of a freaking grip” the parents consulted Megan’s birth certificate, only to discover – much to their absolute shock, that Megan is actually on the cusp of her 25th Birthday, and while they aren’t sure when the (*&*%^ this happened, it turns out that she’s totally old enough to marry – and that even more unbelievably, they themselves are somehow old enough to have a child who can wed under Canadian law.
The parents now retract their planned statements of “Get your hands off our little Boo-Baby” and “Stop kissing her you jerk” and regret the tentative plan to have the gentleman in question arrested – mostly because of the birth certificate, but also because he is very nice, they have known him for years, and he has always treated their daughter with dignity, love and the respect she deserves.
Having gotten the previously mentioned grip on reality, Megan’s parents are now happily planning her wedding. “It turns out she’s totally an adult” said her mother, while replacing the cool, damp cloth on the back of her neck. “We love her, and she’s an amazing person, and we trust her to make great decisions like she always has. Megan is a wonderful
The family also extends a warm welcome to Alex, a similarly awesome person who will be a great-son-in-law, and reassures him that any previous plan to report him to authorities was a misplaced reaction to the truth about their own shocking mortality and a predictable reluctance to let their sweet girl grow up.