I have nothing to say. Okay. I don't have kids but your post was very funny. Mostly I just wanted to be the first poster! ;-) TMK

You are not alone.

Yep--I'm waiting for the lace on Icarus too!

63 days, eh?

I suddenly feel very bad about every summer I ever spent at home. I'm sorry. I have no idea if things will ever get better. Hopefully, Icarus will decide to fly and let you knit some lace.

There are *alot* of baby hat patterns here:
http://www.knittingpatterncentral.com/directory/baby_hats.php
including the raw chicken viking hat, and a squid hat... though those may be too bizarre to give to strangers. There are lots of nice, cute patterns there too.

Y'know, you're not selling the motherhood thing that well right now... are you trying to persuade me I've made a big mistake? ;)

That's hilarious. I can imagine that's probably what my parents thought during summer break. I especially remember something about running out of hot water.

oh my god, not Panic! At The Disco!! I know your pain, I am so sorry. I'd like to lend a helping hand by making each of your daughters personalized CDs with music that will not make you rip your hair out. I'm twenty, I'm hip, I can have them mailed out by Thursday.

I feel your pain on the teenager home for the summer thing. But Hannah leaves on Wednesday for a week at the beach with her grandparents. To which I say, bah-bye.
I know Ilene- she's good people and I'd be happy to bring her some hats.

I've been knitting baby hats all weekend in an attempt to avoid dealing with my current knitting nightmare. Since most of them are made out of wool, I'll send them to the east coast address. (My Young'un, by the way, is terribly confused. If Mom is knitting baby hats, he reasons, then we must be getting a baby. I have tried to disabuse him of this notion, but he's 4, and loves to cling to a notion once he's had it.)

Summer vacation here, too. 63 days, huh? I wonder if we'll last that long.

Thanks for the information. I was going to knit my future grandbaby a sweater (well I will attempt. Thanks for the reminder about melting acrylic. I raised four children. We did manage to coexist but it wasn't always easy. When my daughters left for college and a son moved out the electric bill decreased and detergent and toilet paper lasted longer. Now the youngest lives like the prince he believes he is!

Hilarious. That's what our house is like, except I'm actually counting the days until I go to college. And Elizabeth has it right, Panic! At The Disco is enough to make me turn off the radio and drive in silence.

Umm... at least they're eating produce?

Imagine 2 girls and 2 boys-all teenagers at once-not good planning or lack of planning on my part. Fortunately amnesia has erased the worst of those summers from my memory. Now all 4 have had or have now teenagers of their own. Payback time. My laundry room has a sign "Avenge yourself. Live long enough to be a problem for your children"
I am working on that now.
Sympathy extended. It too shall pass after what seems like an eternity.
Cheers.

Aaahh...beware the dramatic moment when you cut the plug off the television. I had one of those moments last holiday; unfortunately I was still sawing away on the flex, ten minutes later. My 15 year old found it funny, and hasn't let me forget it.

I sent my husband off to a local conservation area with the kids in hopes of stealing a couple of quiet hours for myself...I'm already so done for this summer......and after they had been gone less than 5 minutes it started to thunder. I'm expecting them back any minute now. I don't remember being so unco-operative or unwilling to help out when I was 11 or 14, have things changed that much?

I LOVE PANIC! AT THE DISCO! haha, i probably play it as much as they do. maybe suggest that they listen to a little coheed and cambria or maybe a bit of the new taking back sunday. either way you will have whiny male voices singing along to grungy guitar/electronic piano/booming drums

I laughed out loud with the library part!! My daughter, 14, leaves Thursday for 23 days with her grandparents. Best wishes to you - hang in there!

We have similar jobs. Only I get to field phone calls when I'm working out of the house -- which is all week this week. Ugh.

Oy, Harlot, I give you my sympathies. I probably tortured my mother when I was a teenager (actually I still do, come to think of it). And there was four of us in the house! Would you, could you, please post the other addy for the California babes? I'd like to send hats to both. As if you don't have enough to do. Thank you!

I feel your pain. I'm knitting icarus too...in lacey lamb (read: dental floss). I won't say that the first chart is taking forever to complete, but last night my boyfriend swears I was muttering in my sleep: "knit 7, knit two together, yarn over, knit one, yarn over..."

I can see that I should be working to freeze time...NOW!

My boys are in the post-1st grade/post-preschool glow. They've begged me to set up "summer school" at our house, complete with art, recess, music, worksheets, and snack. *Sigh* They're adorable, but I've been playing Teacher for four days straight, and I really need to play Laundress, Cook, and Maid sometime soon. Not that I want to...

Wow, this post makes me feel so bad for what i may have put my mom and dad through on my summer breaks. But there is one other thing you can think about, how sweet it will be when your girls have children who are driving them insane during school holidays. Thank you for providing patterns for the hats, breast feeding awareness is important, kudos.

Wow, this post makes me feel so bad for what i may have put my mom and dad through on my summer breaks. But there is one other thing you can think about, how sweet it will be when your girls have children who are driving them insane during school holidays. Thank you for providing patterns for the hats, breast feeding awareness is important, kudos.

I am choosing not to calculate how many days there are until school starts again. My number is probably (school schedules being what they are) much the same as yours, but I am choosing to ignore that.

Actually today is my last day of Hole Between School and Summer School. In a mere 7 weeks I must face the Hole Between Family Vacation and School, but I am choosing to ignore that too.

Ignorance is bliss, for a while anyway.

Here I was hoping that things would get better as they got older. It's raining here today and there has been a constant whine since daylight broke. One can only hope for a very atypical nap to set in soon. It has to be tiring to be that unhappy.

We threatened our kids with throwing away the TV. And then did it. It never came back. Your Icarus is beautiful, lace so far or no lace so far.

Love your Icarus. I was on the fence about doing mine in a multi colored yarn but now that I see yours I'm totally in!! I just hope not to die of boredum before I get to the lacy bits. 63 days isn't that long... Hang in there!!

I was at first shocked and dismayed that I actually not only knew who Panic! At the disco! was (is?), but also knew that you'd spelled it right - then I remembered - - I, too have a teenager at home. Thank God for iPods and those tiny ear buds! (I'll worry later about the hearing loss.)

One of the editorials in yesterday's NY Times (Sunday, July 2, 2006) was about breastfeeding--and about how it has become a flashpoint issue. Those interested should be able to find it by searching "Editorials" at:

http://www.nytimes.org

Only one teenager in permanent residence here this summer, but the "wrong number of teenagers" is a constant!

YOur post about your girls made me laugh. My mom would tell my brother and me after a week's worth of summer vacation to "go out and get a job and DO NOT come home until you find one" (her office was in the house too)

A few years later my mom said the very same thing to my dad after he took early retirement from IBM. He didn't know that you weren't supposed to bother the crazy lady in the back of the house unless there was a fire or unstoppable bleeding. Or both. And no, she wasn't going to make you lunch. Poor guy. Luckily for their marriage he's a quick study.

Cotton baby hat it is. Hope you had a swell Canada day!

Totally off topic. I'm leaving for China in a month, for a year. Do you know who I could email about the availablity of decent yarn in China?

And I will send you good vibes to help you stay sane until school starts in 63 days.

I will count the days with you (63). Well, am glad to hear about the other WIC in MA, I can knit up some cotton for CA and blessed wool for MA, the best of both worlds. Back in the day when my 3 were teens our house had gotten broken into, they took the tv among other things and I just didn't replace it, we have all been readers and they just read more, it was years before I found another tv, it was nice.

QUICK - point your car west and escape to Alberta :o) I have a dark-cool-quiet spare room in the basement - no one will be the wiser ?! - SHELLEY in Alberta - back to my knitting! and laundry and cooking and cleaning and all that Mom-wife-girlie type stuff -ugh-

Lucky you for having kids that eat spinach is what I say. Mine just whine at the lack of 'nice things' (read: unhealthy) in the house.

Sigh.... It almost makes you wish for diaper rashes and the terrible two's back.

I have three at home. Two teens and an aggrivator. Six and a half weeks to go.

O. M. G!!!!

I had my 16 year old daughter come read this and she laughed as much as I did, then said "I thought you said this was all about knitting? Wait - HARLOT?? Doesn't that mean --- MOM!!!!"

Thanks for making my day!

Gee. Times sure have changed. My Mom didn't have that much trouble when I was home on Summer vacation. I must have been an angel. The only thing she would ever yell was "OOUUUT!! OUTSIDE NOOOWWWW!!".

...YARN harHARaLOT - you did that on purpose, right?

If I ate that much spinach & mushrooms at once, I'd probably be missing some TP too. Yeesh. Lovely colors on the shawl!

I love the yarn you're using for Icarus.

(My mom ought to really appreciate the side benefits of only having one kid.)

Misery LOVES company, and it is good to know I am not the only one. Mine are only beginning "those" years at 9 and 12. The food, the TV, and especially "STOP THAT". Lives ruined in the blink of an eye. And funny that you should include Prince.... I've been exposing my kids... somehow "Let's go Crazy" is appropo this summer. I have been knitting as fast as I can trying that trick of beating the yarn before it runs out and fooling the sweater into fitting perfectly before it has had time to change it's mind. May the gods of knitting and motherhood bless us all....

FUNNY!!! Not for you though eh ? Hang in there you'll soon be on the road again.

So YOU'RE the other person who's read the Dirk Gently books! So far, I've counted myself, the friend I talked into reading it with me for a book report project in the 10th grade and my husband who came with a complete set of everything Adams ever wrote (that's when you know you have a keeper! Well, that and he doesn't mind the yarn. . .)

You will start the lacy bit! I've started the part yesterday after days and days knitting the boring part while watching day for day the football/soccer world cup matches. Icarus Shawl is the perfect piece to knit for soccer fans! And I will wear my Icarus at the final match at Sunday ;-)
Greetings from Germany, Susan

Ooh! Love cats! Have to go buy that on ITunes now.

Hmmm... I absolutely love the 8-4 No TV idea. I might have to implement that one! I, too, am counting the days until school starts. For the past week, they have been driving me up the wall. (Hopefully, it's just PMS that's part of the problem. The other part, well, will hopefully be taken care of in another 14 or so years. If I'm lucky.) Unfortunately, only one is going to school in the fall. Fortunately, when they're not together, the younger one is much, much more calm. Hang in there! Hopefully we'll all still have hair by the time school starts.

Are your kids old (and jaded) enough yet to realize that "emo" is a term of insult?

Maybe they can try the Arctic Monkeys instead-- ultra-popular, energy-raging rock, but *good*.

You should get one of those blog ticker countdown things (narrows it down doesn't it) and rig up your t.v. so that anytime anyone turns it on, they just get the countdown to school on the screen. That would keep the t.v. off.
Padlocks may work for 10 - 15 minutes. Give you time to pee.

7. I scream "GET A JOB." This is the response to all requests for money. It is slightly unfair, since all three children are working this summer, even though two of them are picking up credits in summer school, but it is a reflexive answer burned into me by my own parents.

My daughter is now at Uni and doing great things, getting fabulous grades and sending loving messages home to me...

When she was 16 or so and never had enough money to support her shoe/handbag/fashion item craving I would look at her with love in my gaze and say "My darling, I gave you life. What more can I give?"

Her replies are not worth repeating here, but she eventually got a summer job... I did, however, promise to pay her rent while she was in full time education... She's talking about her MA and PHD now... ooo, I'm not as clever as I thought!

Mine has 52 days left so please know you are not alone. I drew comfort from your post just knowing there is another Mother on the planet going through this and you always seem to be able to describe exactly what the rest are going through. Mine is either on the internet or phone 24/7 and is actually having a good time but still feels obligated to complain.

Thanks for all the great hat posts. Now I need to get some made.

My friend has a great pumpkin hat pattern on her blog. It's adult sized but very easily adjusted to fit a baby's head. It's at: *golightly*

Oh dear. The html didn't stick! The very cute pumpkin hat pattern is here: http://golightly.typepad.com/golightly/2006/07/weekend_of_veng.html

I love having my girls home with me. Of course my girls are canine-americans and sleep most of the time. And they don't talk. And they don't know how to open the refrigerator. And they don't use toilet paper.

And I'm glad.

Hmmmm... this worked well with a sport weight yarn... co 70 stitches or, if your family runs to large heads, 74 or 78
on size 4 or 5 straight needles (stretchy gauge)work in k2/p2 rib for about six inches
switch to k1/p1 rib for 1 1/2 inches
k3 k2tog, (k6 k2 tog) across
purl
k2, k2 tog (k4 k2tog) across
purl
k1, k2tog (k3 k2tog) across
purl
k to one before the decrease on the row below, k2tog (k2 k2tog) across
purl
k to one before the decrease on the row below, k2tog (k1 k2 tog)
purl
k2 tog across, bo, crochet bo loops tog to end of top seam, turn around
ch 10, slip stitch in 1st stitch, (ch 10 sl st in next stitch) all the way to side seam, finish off, leaving long tail, use tail to sew side seam.

Basically, it's 2x2 ribbed hat with a bunch of REALLY CUTE crochet loops on the top... and if the time Goddess gifts me with time (because mostly my summer sounds frighteningly like Stephs, except I have middle schoolers who can't get a job and when I tell them to 'clean up' this is too vague and I need to elaborate with 'pick that up, and that, and do your laundry, and yours, and hold the baby so I can fix what you just screwed up and chase the toddler so I can do the dishes')I will make one and double check that pattern to make sure it's really the way I made the one that looked so adorable on my baby girl:-)

Hmmm, I listened to bits of Panic! At the Disco, and thought it was pretty good. I might even order it for myself. Although I can imagine that playing it over and over again would be a bit unnerving.

But if you really wanted to get obnoxious, you could play "Funkytown" by Lipps., Inc. and "Take Off" by Bob and Doug MacKenzie. ;-)

Wool hats can also go to California if we are talking about Northern California. August is a good time for wool hats on babies in the SF Bay Area. October is better for cotton. This morning was a good morning for a ski parka. Stores are always trying to sell us sun dresses, but they don't look so hot with the parka. The odds of being able to see the fireworks tomorrow? Pretty slim. Orange glows through the fog aren't very dramatic.

Ohhh, ya ya ya ya....I'm so livin' the same dream here in Ohio...with two teenage boys. Tell you what I did yesterday: kept flipping the channel to "Gone With the Wind"with them in the room. Watching them start to spontaneously combust was some big entertainment for the buck! Hang in there, and know there are those out there with ya, sistah! *L*

Okay so now I had to feel old and go listen to "panic at the disco" on itunes. I didn't think they were so bad except it does have that pounding disco beat that would get you after awhile. My "kids" are 19 and 23. I'm feeling a bit nostaglic (is that a word) for the laying in the backyard, slipin slide, trips to the library to see how many books we could read, playing in the sand at the beach days. But maybe that's because I'm flat on my back with a ruptured disk and I can't even KNIT! (so I'm reading about knitting...doesn't quite do it but better than nothing). Waving HI to Carole!!! and can't wait to get some of those hats for the new babies at our WIC program.

mmmmmm.... Love Cats. Love that song. Sorry I missed your Canada Day post - I was doing that other quintessential Canadian thing - hanging at the cottage, drinking beer, watching the kids swim (and jumping in myself...)
Sending off some hats, soon...

As long as I'm playing DJ, I'll suggest The Rudds-- a great Boston band whose singer adores Prince. http://www.therudds.net/

I nearly choked on my wine when I got to the "call and ask the librarian to THROW a book at the house" bit! Hee hee.

I'd tell you to hang on, summer's almost over... but it would be such a lie...

LOL. I especially liked #3.

I am 23 now and I wonder if my brothers and I drove our parents nutts in the summer. I guess I never thought about it. I shall ask. :-)

Also, I'm looking through my stash of yarn to make a baby hat.

My oldest turned thirteen in 1985. I've had at least one teen in the house ever since. This year my youngest is seventeen - but she's being seventeen at her Uncle Paul's house all summer.

It is excessively quiet, we are getting tired of leftovers, and there is plenty of hot water. Want to loan me a kid for a few days?

There's nothing wrong with a little Panic! But then again, I, too, probably listen to just as much (if not more) of them. To each their own. :)

Ahhh, summer with teenagers! Two of the three in our house have heeded the advice - GET A JOB! However the 16 year old, now faced with working (in an airconditioned grocery store) is now lamenting the fact that her summer will not be entirely her's to do as she pleases. Well, I say, just remember how nice it will be to be earning your own money and an added bonus, you won't have to spend the whole summer with your 13 year old sister.

My Icarus...180+ stitches so far. (not that I'm counting)

Having raised two daughters 7 years apart, I had non-stop teenager to deal with for 14 years! The only good part was that the most difficult one was first, and the second was a lot easier to deal with. And even better is that said #1 daughter (whom I really do love a lot) now has two teenage sons only 13 months apart. She got lucky in that teenage-hood will only last about 9 years instead of 14; however, ex-husband was/is worse than any teenage boy. Nuff said! You will survive this ... as I used to say, "This too, shall pass ... just like a gallstone".

This summer I had dreams of DD staying home with me, playing nicely while I work. Then having a nice lunch together before an afternoon of more work and her reading books, doing math pages, perhaps playing some educational games. Yeah. Today was the first day, and I spent most of it desperately calling daycamps trying to find one to take her for the rest of the summer.

Wherever there was an opening, I signed her butt up! Now, just a matter of remembering where to drop her off and pick her up every day.

Just a note, if anybody tries the Tomato Hat from KnitChicks, I left a comment there as the pattern didn't seem to work out correctly for me. A small change makes it work out wonderfully though! (I knew there was a reason I made four hats...two for each address!).

I don't know why anybody would panic at a disco. Too much Donna Summers, perhaps? My child is still in elementary school, so we put on gypsy swing and dance around the living room. She still thinks I'm cool. Obvy she is in for a big, big letdown.

I thought I had gotten my 12-year old happily occupied at day camp until this morning when he refused to go. To his credit he hasn't whined about being bored but I may never scrape the remains of the strawberry/blueberry/orange/pineapple smoothie off the ceiling!

Dear. Merciful. Heaven. I have just surfaced from reading 400+ comments on the [SATURDAY] Canada Day posting. Illuminating, certainly. Fights started to break out twice and were smothered by the sheer impossibility of anyone sustaining it under the weight of Tim Horton (he sells butter tarts?!!?) praise.

Under the circumstances -- and the need to figure out what the corresponding smell is in my house and the need to uphold the tattered banner of U.S. citizen civility by not pointing our how blissfully quiet it is chez rams -- I can only suggest, feebly, that Prince probably isn't heavy enough artillary. Try James Taylor. Always works around here.

Pull out "The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy" and make the kids read that. Then remember Douglas Adams' immortal words on the front cover- "Don't Panic." I loved his books and still turn to them when I need a really good giggle. I also loved the movie, especially the knitting part- I think I burned a hole in our DVD watching it over and over and over.... Arthur Dent throwing up a big tangle of yarn- classic.
School here starts Aug. 16. It's my mantra when my kids are being poster children for birth control. If I here on more "I'm telling," I think I may try to poke my eardrums out with my knitting needles.
knittingpatterncentral.com has several great kids' hat pattterns, and they are free. For crocheters, try crochetpatterncentral.com. They do a really nice job of cataloging the free net patterns and arranging them by type- babies, adults, holidays, etc. My only concern with the beaded baby hats are the beads- potential choking hazard.

Oh -- but I do heartily endorse the recommendation of "The Canadians Among Us" http://www.pineforge.com/newman6study/tla_archive.htm
(scroll down to Chapter 4)

I laughed so hard with today's post. Does not help that I am at my office!
Receiver shaped hands!

The Baby (18 and thankfully employed) suggests that you get the girls that puppy and he/she/it can chew through the TV cord. Since tomorrow is Tuesday, can the girls be assigned (I had "chained" but that was just too Rumpleskilsin) to the wheel for spinning?

Oh I hear you on the Icarus! Tonight I was so excited to finally finish the first chart and move on to the second that I kept messing it up and ended up knitting and unknitting the first row about 6 times! Arrrgh!

Uh, now I know why my parents always encouraged us to go to our grandparent's house during the summer. We normally stayed 2 weeks. Having a huge Colorado ranch to ride a horse, go fishing, and run up and down the creek any time we wanted was freedom for us! I'm a teacher with an average of 170 teenagers every day into whom I must instill the love of learning for 185 or so days! You will survive....I do! :) Can't wait for the next teen story!

I saw Panic! live in October, and I listen to them whilst knitting.

If your kids need something to read and don't like the awesome Douglas Adams then get some Chuck Palahnuik (maybe not for Sam, I would get some Diana Wynne Jones for her).

Good luck on staying sane!

You have my sympathy. You are outnumbered.

Thanks for all the pattern sources! You are so funny! No TV between 8 and 4...interesting idea...

Trust me on this--the day will come when they all grow up, leave home and the silence will be terrible!!

ahem, ladies....on a serious note (or as serious as i can be typing with an acrobatic baby trying to stand on his head while nursing as i type--sort of appropriate for the topic), has anyone made the tart hat? it's so adorable i think i'm going to have to try it. any advice welcome.

now, please pray for me as i attempt my first ever provisional cast on for the "oh jan" dress. if all goes well, i'll start the hat tonight too and knit it at morning coffee this week.

Just remember, teenagers stomachs contain black holes. All of the mysteries of the universe will probably be found in one, one day.

And I don't have kids, but I too am finding myself counting down the days until ALL of them are back in school and out of my way.

Oh yeah, except for the ones I like.

maybe you need to start dancing really, really obnoxiously (but don't hurt yourself) when they do it and their friends are around... nothing like embarassing the kids!

The species has been perpetuated by grandparents wanting payback for all the trouble their kids gave them.

No TeeVee?! *gasps in shock and horror* Hahaha. Both my boyfriend and I are pretty avid video gamers, so the idea of no TV sends us into shock. We don't actually WATCH television though. Just videogames and DVD's for us.

I remember being a horrible pain for my parents in the summer when I was 13-14. But that was also just after we'd moved across town so I couldn't go hang out with my friends all day like I was used to. I hope I got better as I got older.

Out of curiousity, I gave Panic at the Disco a listen. Eee Gads, that is really horrid! Can't you just break the CD in half? Or lose it?

Poor thing. Time to go on tour again?

I have absolutely no suggestions on what to do with kids during summer vacation -- I skipped that step & went straight to grandkids instead. It's a little late for me to suggest that to you though.

Your kids do make for cheap entertainment though for those of us who are addicted to reading your blog!

My own idea of summer fun is to hiss at the inexplicably large moths that have somehow found their way into the house. Not only does waging war with moths keep my ass in awesome shape, but I also feel those paternal instincts kicking in and telling me to protect my projects at all costs when a moth flies close.

On the kids in the house. I am sorry for you but you must also feel some pity for my lack of sincere understanding. See, I homeschool so this is my daily ritual. I am convinced that this is how cannibalism began.

ON the hats, I am already starting one. Well, in my head, with yarn arrangement following. What I want to know is, does the food theme have to be? I mean, can a kitty hat be okay? You know I have trouble following rules.

I knew there'd be a good reason for my not replicating myself. Thanks for the reminders. (I know they'll be gems some day. That day can't come sooner, right?)

If they get really nasty and your selections don't work, throw on a little "Private Idaho" or "Rock Lobster". That'll make 'em run screaming.

My school-librarian soul loved the no-tv rule and the comment about throwing the books at your house. It also shuddered to think that there are only 37 more days until I go back to work (the kids start Aug. 15 here in central Indiana). I'll have to trade the cat's company and plenty of knitting time for 600 kids acting like, well, 600 kids. Console yourself with the fact that the school year is a lot longer than summer break.

Glad to see that I'm not the only one who's summer is being ruined by P!ATD. all my hallmates love that #### and I cant stand it. I'd try your prince suggestion, but I think country music may fare better. Let me know if your idea works, lol.

I so hear you. Maybe you should make them work on Icarus for you for a while, just until it gets to the interesting part...

Dearest Harlot....
I nearly peed! Hysterical! I haven't blogged consistantly since summer vacation began and the girls are at home(although I occasionally get to read them at work),and now know all the words to all songs by Panic!At the Disco by heart...(especially the one about closing the GD door!) For this I must thank the darling daughters that I thought would be the joy of my middle age! Fat Chance!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's discovered that the shawl takes freakin' forever. (I'm on Chart 4 and It takes in excess of half an hour to do 1 row. I may have a stroke) I suppose sitting there every 5 stitches to fondle the stupid thing doesn't help (aw, how pretty) Much Love.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's discovered that the shawl takes freakin' forever. (I'm on Chart 4 and It takes in excess of half an hour to do 1 row. I may have a stroke) I suppose sitting there every 5 stitches to fondle the stupid thing doesn't help (aw, how pretty) Much Love.

I'm finding vacationing without DH or DD can be quite relaxing. I've only occassionally wondered if they're managing.

My youngest is 19, his best friend just turned twenty. for a while he lived with us.Between the older brother , the younger one and the friend I think what I was hosting was locusts. Removing the cable by unplugging it at a distance from the house is very effective. static is very persuasive. Contemplating burying them in the back yard is comfprting and I like my parents solution for me. From age 16 on They let me live up in the mountians in an isolated cabin from the beginning of vacation to the last week. they came up once a week and brought food and fresh laundry. I didn't have to interact with them, and I learned all kinds of interesting things that were nice to know when I moved out on my own.
The cabin still exists, doesn't that sound tempting? it is four miles up a jeep road and has no electricity, refrigeration, or running water. it was me, the cat and my yarn, books and Violin.

So, if you use the tomato hat and throw in some black "seeds" do you get a strawberry hat?

3. I tell them to read books. They tell me they have no books, (The lies, the lies, the lies.) and I remind them that the library is AT THE CORNER, close enough to phone and ask the librarian to THROW a book at your house.

I'm jealous, when I was a kid the library was waaaay on the other side of town so I had to wait for Mom or Dad to take me and I had too much time on my hands. The library was pretty small too, so I ended up going through the whole Nancy Drew collection a couple times.. then when I spent the summer at my Nana's house and was allowed to walk to the library (which was 5 blocks or so away) I went darn near every other day.. I was in heaven!

Now the library is close though. A block away! Except I no longer have the time to do so much reading. Le sigh.

Funny Love Cats should be one of the threats you use against the girls. I remember a time, oh around 1986 or so, my mom regarded that very song (well, the whole Standing on a Beach tape actually) the same as you are regarding Panic at the Disco. Thanks for the video link. Oh the memories!

I have to say your progress on the Icarus shawl is making me feel better about my progress on the blanket.

Take a moment to remember that I will be knitting that &*^$#@!!!!$#&*&%^##!?! blanket long after your youngest has graduated college and I bet you'll feel better about Icarus.

ack! you live that close to a library and they don't go!?!?!?

(but then again I was an odd child...who grew up into a librarian...and yet still loves to go to the library (and has been known to be seen sitting crosslegged in the floor of the library she works in on a Saturday morning when she is not at work, reading for fun... yes I know... I'm certifiable... but I run into so many interesting things that I can't read while I'm at work, because I'm working...)

Anyway - tell your kids that Aria the 24 year old (But sadly probably not too hip) librarian said they need to give the library another chance...

You think your summer is going badly. Try coming home from work and finding that your four year old, (while in the care of her third shift working, sleep deprived father,) has cut her waist length, beautiful, never been cut before, blong hair off above her ears. What's worse, is the not ashamed or sorry child is glad she did so, because she is tired of her hair. I only lovingly took care of and brushed said hair for the last four years so she could cut it all off on a whim. With her older sister's school sissors. *sigh* I am so glad school is out. It makes it so much easier for them to get into trouble. I will trade you any day of the week. I will take your three messy, loud, and hungry girls if you will take my three indifferent, whiney, and bald bunch. What do you say? Deal?
Oh and to top the day off, 27 rows into my kiri shawl, I dropped a stitch and can't find it!!! And it doesn't frog well. Can you say TRASHED??? I am going to bed. It will all end when I go to bed, right?

I have visions of little "fruit head" babies all over CA and MA ... either that's really cute, or I need to go to bed!

Beth in MN :-)

Love cats. Wow! That brings back some memories. One of favs from The Cure. I watched the video three times after clicking on the link. Keep plugging away at Icarus the lace is calling to you.

bless you...i'm NOT alone

This is kind of freaky but I finished reading "Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul" today as I was hiding, in plain sight mind you, from my children. It was over 90F degrees today and humid so it was difficult to do much of anything else. The youngest "found" me, on the sofa, just as Dirk Gently finds his way into Valhalla. She wanted one of the plums I bought yesterday but there was only an empty bag in the fruit drawer in the fridge. She thought maybe I had some more somewhere.

Mine go back September 6th.

Mine go back on Sept. 5. Until then, my hobbies are:
Turning off televisions every few minutes
Cleaning up the kitchen
Driving them here, there, and everywhere (we live in the country)
Explaining WHY they have to get their whiney butts off the sofa to feed cats, walk dogs, clean rooms, do laundry, or other dastardly deeds

The first time I heard of Panic!At The Disco (A Fever You Can't Sweat Out) was just a couple hours ago, when I pulled it out of the computer CD player. Thank gawd for headphones!

Are you telling me that they don't outgrow this constant limit testing by 12 and even older!?? GAH!

Hey, Ilene is near me! How about that.

Now where's that green & pink yarn...

55 days here...plus 12 months and they're both gone from 8:30 to 3:00, it sounds so peaceful. I love them, but oh, my! Individually, they are quite charming, but put them together, especially in the car, and out comes Monster Mommy. Did well at first ever swimming lessons today, thank goodness.

Anyone who can envisage a Knitting Olympics should surely be able to come up with some in-house competition tapping into sibling rivalry - best sweater for the fall semester? most creative baby hat? most books read ?(D.Adams would make a great start!).Or perhaps a treasure hunt in the TO Art Gallery, Museum? There are some first-rate websites for creative learning experiences - the one run by the Folger Library, for instance, the NZ language arts or the Alta Telus ones.

Think of me ...home-educating a rather moody 16 year old who wants a man instead of writing essays .The fridge/cupboard door is open all the time ..grunts seem to be the new language and I have two more years !

Oh... sorry to say that, but your teenagers are starting to get you... You're starting to have problem counting straight now (where's #6?). Good luck!

Hi Stephanie,
I just read that you would send out my address for the baby hats. at the moment I'm on vacation in Massachusetts and then on to Connecticut to visit my family. I'm not able to access my office email, but of course you can send out my address. Your messages have been so kind, and I hopeful that we will receive some hats. I just finished #12, and I'm really tired of this color, but I've 2 more balls to go! Thank-you again for your help with our project. I will keep you posted.
Sincerely.
Jeanne Conboy
P.S. Northern California, especially the bay area can be quite cool,even in the summer.

I'm filing this post away in my memory banks for about 12 years from now. At that point, I will no doubts be asking myself and my husband these 3 questions:

Who are these 2 monsters, and how long will they be staying?
Whose brillo idea was it to have these kids 18 months apart?
Do you remember how fortunate we felt to be blessed with girls?

I have to confess that I was transfixed by the news that you have a library on the corner. I spent my summer holidays in my room reading all day (or night)... apart from my parents' constant attempts to get me to wake up at a decent time (ie before 2pm) I don't think I caused many problems in the boys/hot water/telephone stakes.

Ugh! We are experiencing the long summer too. Aug. 25th is burned in my brain! First Day! I am hearing Zelda in my sleep as my 6 year old tells the fairies in his Gameboy to "feel his wrath". Histerical, yes, both of us.

Jeanne, thank you for commenting, the info about the weather is most helpful, will get to knit with wool for both and glad of it.

Blasphemy! No one should cringe at the hearing of Love Cats, as Robert Smith is a god among men. Or so I once thought. The passage of time has made me realize he's just a mere mortal. And that perhaps it's time to give up the mascara...far too aging on a man of his advanced years.

Still howling over the playing of "Raspberry Beret" as torture. But damn- now I've got an earworm (thank you CBC Radio)

And number 6? Too much for us to bear? I get it.

ACK! I love the song "Love Cats"! Now it will be in my head all day.

*wanders off singing*

Thanks so much for the link to "Love Cats" -- I feel a bit more teenager-y now, myself. :)

::snerking:: I think my parents lucked out. We moved to the country when I was 15. You might wanna 'volunteer' them for farm work next summer, Stephanie. Our phone was on a party line, so almost always busy, and Dad didn't allow phone calls anyway. The car and truck were for Dad and Mom, respectively, so I never went anywhere except with them. Of course, this meant I also couldn't get a job. But with a horse, a couple cattle, 30+ chickens, several donkeys, and 2 geese, there was enough work to do, trust me. Especially when the cattle took it in their heads to simply push through a fence and go walkabout. Just buying, loading, hauling, and unloading 12 or so tons of hay for winter took up a goodly part of the summer. Besides, where in the heck would I have spent any money? We were 7 miles from town, and it took too long to ride my horse there and back. None of my friends lived close enough to visit. TV reception was horrible, ditto radio. So aside from doing chores, I spent my summers mostly reading and riding my horse, with a couple horse shows and the County Fair thrown in. Whenever I had nothing to do in summer, I'd hide in my bedroom and catch some extra sleep!

Re hat patterns - I don't have new links to add; the free patterns already listed were the most original styles I also found cruising the web a few nights ago. But in the generic fruit/veggie type hat patterns, they all seemed to be a simple roll-brim hat in different colors, topped off with i-cord in a contrasting color as a stem. Pick a color, then call the resulting hat whatever kind of veggie or fruit you want that matches the color. If you want to get fancy, add some leaves, or bobbles for grapes, or something like that. This is a no-brainer.

(PS - Stephanie, thanks for the note re my list on Canada. Now, if only I hadn't blanked on how to spell Sarah McLachlan...LOL!)

The dancing in front of your kids' friends is brilliant. May I recommend this as a tutorial?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNF_P281Uu4

It's times like these that I'm grateful that I just have a dog....

Hey! I know Ilene! So that gives me either one or two degrees (hurts too much to figure it out exactly) of separation from you...*snuggles in* Now please excuse me while I use your space to communicate w/:

Ilene, so sorry about your back! I love your hat idea. I'd send one, but currently have two shawls due by mid-July. Hope you're all better soon!

~Diane (from north central)

I'm now officially convinced to send the kid to Grandma's every summer.

why do you have kids if you have to count the days they go back to school? It should be a mother's pleasure to spend time with them.. u bitch

obviously mm has quite-the-sarcastic sense of humor or she/he has no teenagers trapped in the house for the summer. tsk tsk.

On a lighter note... I just tested out "Love Cats" on my 12-year-old daughter and it actually DROVE HER OUT OF THE ROOM BACKWARDS.

uh... cool, Mom.... uh... I gotta go. Clean my room.... (girl races from sight)

Thanks Harlot!

When I first read of the baby hat project, my first thought was, "Dammit, you people are going to make me knit. I hate knitting." Now I read that there is a deadline and am relieved.

Nevertheless, there are lots of us out there who are unable to make such a deadline but would like to knit or crochet fruit and vegetable baby hats when we finish our current all-consuming projects, you know, just to have something to do and a reason to go into yarn stores seeing as how we have no children of our own but need something constructive to do with our hands and honestly can't think of anything better... I would therefore submit the idea that while having a deadline for a first wave of this kind of project is a useful and understandable choice, leaving open indefinitely the invitation for people to send in hats might also be a good choice.

Holy guacamole. You've got enough to do without reading a gazillion comments.

But I'll "toss" this in (pun intended)...

At least they're eating fresh produce and not packaged, artificial things. (I know, they're probably eating that, too.)

Um...happy(?) summer.

It occurred to me last night that a Rita MacNeil sing along may be effective in getting the teenagers to move out. But I do like the dancing in front of their friends idea too.

My husband and I had a theory about smells when our son was growing up. We think the rapid production of hormones causes the destruction of brain cells. The dead brain cells leak out of the ears while their plastered to the phone and smell up the room. You may also be right about that fruit. Tim left a piece of pizza in a bag in his room from May until we dove into find it in August. It was bubbling when we pulled it out! It could have been used for chemical warfare!

Stephanie...I can hear my own Mother (I am now 54 years old). I don't have any kids myself so I thank you for the memories (LOL)!!!

Your website (and your books)keep me laughing!
I send along a virtual hug.

stop. mine are still little. you scare me!

These are the salad days...Ya, ya, ya, I hear you. It's the stuff that dreams are made of...bla, bla, bla. I believe that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. O bla di, O bla da, life goes on....bra! La, la, la, la life goes on.
Seriously who drank all the milk?

did i miss it? i've been sifting through the comments but i can't find anything about alice's shawl from harlot's birthday party. it was made with one skein of sea silk which would be a big help. i need a juicy project for "long dark tea time of the soul" with my two kids. i have never heard a better description of summer vacation.

Oh, mm, how right you are. Motherhood should be bliss interrupted only by intervals of worship and occasional adoration. And certainly it should be unleavened by humorous exaggeration. Nothing but an absolutely literal approach should be tolerated.

Of course some of us can't even sustain the mild irritation of disagreeing with the author of a humor column without resorting to anonymous vulgarities. Incredible, but true. What a blessing we have you to serve as a model of loving patience -- and spelling. And syntax.

Regarding #4 of your new hobbies...at least your teenagers are eating produce. That is a HUGE accomplishment you have achieved right there!

I dunno Steph, "Get a job" can have drastic consequences. I bought a pony with my summer job earnings at age 12. He was a rather stunted orphan shetland about 6mos of age. Our Lab fell in love with him (literally) which pony did not appreciate. By the way, neither of my parents were thrilled either as we had only a back yard roughly the size of a king size bed and had no idea why in the previous weeks I had been consistent about watering the lawn. It never occured to me to ask permission on how to spend MY MONEY....LOL
Off to check stash for appropriate cotton and wool for hats...must make hats....
At

Drats! Out of money just now to buy any cotton yarn (oodles of crappy acrylic in my stash from the '70's...Arrrghhh). I do have so mohair in fruity/veggie colors, but that would probably feel to harsh on a baby's head? I guess that probably sounds like a stupid question, but I don't/haven't had any wee children in my life for quite some time and I really don't know. If you think the mohair would be okay, please let me know. The hat patterns are soooo cute, I would love to knit a few.

Drats! Out of money just now to buy any cotton yarn (oodles of crappy acrylic in my stash from the '70's...Arrrghhh). I do have so mohair in fruity/veggie colors, but that would probably feel to harsh on a baby's head? I guess that probably sounds like a stupid question, but I don't/haven't had any wee children in my life for quite some time and I really don't know. If you think the mohair would be okay, please let me know. The hat patterns are soooo cute, I would love to knit a few.

I was also going to suggest "Rock Lobster", but if you really want to drive them off, I will suggest singing along with it and dancing. 8-)
"Little Red Corvette" might work, too. Anything that involves Mom singing along. 8-)

Oddly enough, as if I don't have enough hat books, I just bought another, so I am probably going to go into hat knitting mode. Good to know a place to send those pups.

different city, differnt state, differnt continent. same kid summer problems. still 62 days to survive.

Leandra from Austria

You might try the solution of the little old lady who lived down the block. The college students in her neighborhood were being a real pain with blasting music (Rap at 2am, my least favorite lullaby) and getting pissy when the cops would show up to shut them down.
She hauled her ancient record player over to the window, cranked the volume, and blasted the neighborhood with two hours of Laurence Welk.
My sons are sitting in front of the tomato plants waiting for the latest ones to ripen. The peas never made it into the house and the carrots didn't either. While I am glad to see them eating vegetables, I planted in hopes of haveing food for the table instead of a grazing bar for a set of teenage boys. Silly me.

Good one, Rams!!
Thank you.

I am up against *80!* days of dirty dishes in the dishwasher full of clean dishes, a sleeping lump on our couch in the daytime, and "Can I borrow the car?" Help!

I can't believe that I've been reading this for over 4 hours. I started with the 1st. With few exceptions I have enjoyed the comments, learned a lot, and agree with all but a handful.
The ones I don't agree with have been those who who don't like to see that it is better to feel joy and happiness for the accomplishments and good things of others, than to focus on themselves, especially when EVERY little thing isn't as perfect as we once thought it was. I am just surprised that they put their intolerant selves spread out for all to read.

I just started reading the blogs after picking up the latest book displayed in the store. (I am a relatively new knitter at 57 --- tried it every few years and just never could get the tension loose enough until now). Obviously HAD to have the other 2 books, but read the 3 in reverse order. Just one question ? When is the next one due out? BEST READ SINCE HARRY POTTER !!!!

Sorry I am late wishing you a happy holiday.

P.S. I am SO VERY happy to see you promoting breast feeding. When I had my daughter in 1970 (only child, unfortunately) they thought I was a raving lunatic to do a thing like that, when, LOOK ! we have these beautiful, pre made bottles all ready. She was about 3 mo. when I went to a wedding, where she got her only bottle until she was weaned (even the Dr. thought I was crazy, but I wouldn't wean her until he would let me give her milk without sterilizing bottles) and the bride's great-grandmother told me "when my babies were little, we didn't have these bottles", and was visibly relieved when I told her that I didn't know what she would do with it, because it was the first one she had ever seen. It was like she thought that there was hope for the species. See, I WAS right.

Sorry to be so long winded. Keep up the good work!!

1. I thought I was the only mom who had to keep repeating, "Turn off the tv! Turn off the computer! NO SCREENS!" Our hours are 9 a.m. til 5 p.m. 2. I love summer; my motto is, "Any day you're not in middle school is a GOOD day." 3. Make sure you unplug the tv before you saw off its umbilical cord. 4. It's 4th of July and my son's camp is open today. I love that place. 5. If you ask teenagers to fold laundry, they'll go somewhere else.

Count your blessings that you have a few extra kids or a few less at times. Every child in this neighbourhood is either at their cottage or at some camp or another. When the cottage kids come home it's because they have signed up for a camp week or two. Every child but mine, that is. AND THEY ARE NOT GETTING ALONG.

Hey I WAS a teenager with Miss Stephaine... sounds like she got off WAY easier than her mother ever did with us girls! Oh how quickly we forget....

As a mom of 3 fully grown kids, I can tell you with relief that there is really and truly life after children. Then you sit around and actually miss them...until you read this particular blog entry. Great post.

yes. nothing much to say except those hats are all ridiculously cute and I might have to make one. Except I'm in summer school and I like to pretend that I'm busy. And I love Panic at the Disco. and Raspberry Beret. Ha! Good luck with the kiddies.

When my mom would get tired of the TV fights, she would paint the prongs of the plug with clear fingernail polish and plug it back in. Voila. No TV, no fights. My dad was a poor farmer, and we couldn't afford to have it fixed, and my brothers and I were young enough to believe my mom's response: "The TV doesn't work? Huh. Well, maybe it will work later."

Cutting the cord entirely would work, too. (And send a serious message. Your DH could fix it easily enough . . . )

Ah, long dark teatime.
Douglas Adams. *Sigh.* Who needs teen idols when one had him?
And? I happen to adore to pieces Love Cats. Your children, while obviously talented, lovely young ladies, have clearly not inherited your taste.

I adore mine...but I do spend time counting toilet paper rolls and sniffing the fetid air...

I have one 12-year-old boy he's huge, his rugby coach nicknamed him "the crusher". Every day I implore him not to eat everything in the fridge. He never quite gets chores around the house done (even if I offer to pay him), but when I told him if he wanted spending money he had to do a few chores to earn it, he went over to the corner store and asked them for a job (what the difference is between putting away gorceries and cleaning up a bit at home and stocking shelves and cleaning up a bit over there is I am not quite sure). I guess it could be worse, my Mom had 5-count 'em-5 Daughters 4 of them within 5 years. She dealt with it by sending us to unsuspecting relatives for months at a time. The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul indeed. Speaking of which. If you are a big Douglas Adams fan, you might really enjoy reading Jasper Fforde. His books starting with "The Eyre Affair" are hilarious and bizzare in the same way as Douglas Adams.

Because of you I have had to call my mom to apologize for my horrid behavior as a child.

Well, not really. She shipped me off to one of her three sisters every summer, so I was never around to be a Pain-in-the-Ascot. But I do sympathize with you. I have younger .. much younger .. brother and sister, and I remember what mom had to deal with each summer with them until I left the nest finally.

61 days left now, right?

I adore the Long Dark Teatime of the Soul!
As for kids. I have 2 girls 12 and 18. I try to keep them appart. It helps to have 2 tv's. They are both reading thank goodness, but I try not to let them talk to each other. I am to leave on Saturday for 5 days in PA. I don't know if I should leave my 18 yr old alone in the house though, even if mom is only 2 blocks away. I think it may be a big mistake. BUT she has work and can't go, not that she wants to be seen w/us.

O.K. You've just described my summer! The only difference, I have a house full of teenage boys while I try to make deary progress on Icarus, only one of them actually belongs here. Same t.v. and reading battles with video games thrown in for added interest. My son actually told me he plans to take a break from reading over the summer, like THAT'S going to happen! Thank goodness the Mystery Stole KAL starts in a few days to spice things up.

How about the flore hat from Knitwhits? http:www.knitwhits.com/flore.shtml .. very cute!

Oops.. try this.. : http://www.knitwhits.com/flore.shtml

I have two teenagers 14 and almost 16, same thing at my house. I am counting the days to school. One thing different, my son has a rock band and guess where they practice?, my house. Right now both kids are gone for a week on separate vacations and I am loving life for now.

I have to agree with Fiona about the kids eating healthy. Most of the other kids in my neighborhood went home demanding such things as chips, cookies, soda and other junk. Or they'd come home with junk either traded for or bought from vending machines. At least you're fortunate in that yours will eat healthy things.

I just wanted to commend you on your passionate post on breastfeading education. I have 2 children and with my first born 9 years ago in California, I was pressured by WIC and family to breastfeed but there was no support and I struggled through the first 6 weeks and finally gave up after he got thrush. It was a welcome excuse after the daily fighting and failure. This time I delivered in Rhode Island and had a lactation consultant do a visit in the hospital, nurses came in daily and brought me a plump to help the milk come in because my son was just too tired to nurse at first. I had the "Warm Line" to help out when we were having trouble at home and a free out patient visit to the lactation consultants who worked with me for almost an hour and a half to help me work out the bugs. Since then it's been smooth sailing, but I only have 6 weeks maternity leave and have to go back to work in a week and a half to a job that has no support in place for breastfeeding mothers. I now have no choice but to introduce formula so that my husband can feed while I'm working. My baby eats so often that I can't pump and store up any milk. I wish breastfeeding was better supported here in the US and having help and information about the benefits for mom and baby only made it easier for me to want to stick with it on those nights where I was sleepy and he was upco-operative. Thanks for bringing this issue into the forfront of the bloging community.

You've pretty much described my summer to a T! I laugh with you and at you. :) At least you're at home with your girls...I'm at the office biting my nails and hoping the house doesn't burn down before I get home while they call me every few minutes to argue over the phone because for some reason they think I miss hearing that during the day.

Yarn Halot-VERY VERY funny. I have 3 older teenagers at home and, although I can still very much relate, I can also cry knowing the "worst" of the teenage years is over and too soon they will be gone. And I WILL miss them - really I will.

Couldn't I just make a hat shaped like a breast (complete with extra-large lactating-mom areola and a few i-cord milk squirts), if we're doing healthy food hats? ;D

Great. Now I'll be hearing "Raspberry Beret" in my brain for the rest of the day. HELP!!

I don't want to pester you...but are you going to post Jeanne's address? She said it was okay, right up there *points up the comment list* and I have three hats sitting on my desk, begging to be sent. I already put some in the mail to Ilene too. ;)

Oh dear! I call my girls "the locusts". My mother didn't believe me until we visited her for one week. She'd stand there and stare at the refrigerator in awe. One question, though, do they try to take your stash? My oldest one is notorious. As if eating everything in the house, requiring numerous rides hither and thither and yelling at her sister weren't enough to make me want to retroactively join a convent . . . the stash? That's just not right.

I certainly feel your summer pain! I have 4 girls and 2 boys and the girls....oofda! I love the toilet paper thing, which happens to us constantly! I love your blog, keep up the great funny work!

hey panic at the disco are so cool an i like everything they do

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I haven't been up to much today. I've just been letting everything happen without me. Basically nothing seems worth bothering with. I've just been hanging out doing nothing. I just don't have anything to say right now. More or less nothing happening.

I can't be bothered with anything these days, but shrug. I just don't have anything to say recently. I haven't gotten much done recently. Nothing seems worth thinking about.