February 28, 2004

A sporty harlot

Last night our local Harlot wandered down to the Air Canada Centre with her mate and 16 000 other people and knit her way through a game of Canada's National Sport...Lacrosse. (Toronto vs Philadelphia...we won)
Your local harlot is not sporty. The only sport that she does is knitting, she plays by her own rules and takes her own risks. All attempts by this harlot to play sports have ended in disaster. She cannot catch a ball (no baseball) cannot skate quickly, backwards or with enthusiasm (no hockey) and thinks football is silly (which pretty much puts football right out too). Last night we learned that lacrosse is also not going to be her forte, since she cannot be beaten to death by men with sticks.


Lacrosse precedes hockey, and if you have an idea of how hockey works you are going to be ok with lacrosse. They run instead of skate, and don't touch the ball with their hands, but instead use a stick with a net on the end to shoot and catch. The main difference is that lacrosse is so violent that it makes an NHL game look like preschool. If a guy has the ball, then it is absolutely ok, even expected (and certainly not against the rules) for all the other guys to bear down on him with their sticks and try to beat him with them until he gives it up. This is not a penalty unless they beat him in the head, or unless the ref feels that somewhere along the line they stopped trying to retrieve the ball and instead were just whupping him for fun.
I knit at the game and used my sharpest blood red DPNs to keep up team spirit.


After the game I taught our waitress how to knit and Joe asked me if now we were going to be yarn missionaries, spreading the word of yarn and converting the un-crafty. Start knocking on doors wearing suits with handknit scarves....skeins of yarn spilling out of my pockets. I've got two things to say to him (it took me a while to come up with a clever enough reply) 1. She asked me how to knit, it's not like I'm accosting people. I just responded to a genuine question about knitting. The woman was called to the fiber arts...you think I should ignore that? and 2. Shut up.

Posted by Stephanie at February 28, 2004 10:53 AM