Q: So, Stephanie. We've noticed that you haven't mentioned anything about what you've been doing since you got back. Now that you've run out of vacation material...what are you doing?
A: Well, truthfully...I've been trying to distract you from the incredibly boring and mundane reality of my life. I wonder what I did to amuse you all before I started wandering all over Canada, cycling whole provinces with a whack of kids and procuring stupid amounts of stash. I'm pretty sure it wasn't laundry...but that really seems to be all I do right now. (That and wipe syrup off of the table. That's like a whole hobby of mine now. No...wait, I also get to pick up shoes from all over the house and return them to the front hall, and lest you think that it ends there, I also have been deeply fulfilled by settling fights about nail polish between teenaged girls as well as really, really being enriched by the ongoing debate/shakedown called "Why I'm going to die if you don't let me spend all of the money that you have earned this whole summer on a pair of red boots that make me look like a common strumpet.) I'm looking forward to school starting in six days, and I finished the "Narrow Scarf" from the trip, and I've decided that I'm a pretty big fan of those River John needles.
I'm still working on the Never-ending baby sweater.
I'd forgotten that this gauge is a double edge sword. It's a beautiful tiny, light fiddly thing for a baby, and I always like little tiny baby things knit in little tiny baby wool. On the other hand, knitting baby stuff out of this is like knitting an adult sweater, it's the same number of stitches...only you get the privilege of blinding yourself and developing a nasty squint at the same time.
I opted against ribbing and instead knit these little hems.
Q: Do you like the hems better than the ribbing?
A: Well, yeah. I mean they look like a million bucks, don't they? I knit an inch, then folded it up and knit a stitch from the cast on edge together with the stitch on the needle all the way across. That way, I saved myself having to sew the hem up.
Q: Clever!
A: Not really. It would have taken ten minutes to sew the hem up, and it took, well, much longer than that to pick up the little tiny cast on stitches and knit the hem up. As a matter of fact I sort of think that I might have gotten some kind of Post-traumatic-stress disorder from it.
Q: Why do it then?
A: That's an excellent question, and one that we all know the answer to. It's because I'm out of my mind. Clearly I've become delusional and now believe that knitting up a hem would be way smarter than doing the faster, easier thing. I like knitting better than sewing, so I keep getting tricked into thinking that knitting something together is going to be way, way more fun than sewing something together. Six hours later when I'm a gibbering, weeping idiot who has a permanent squinty right eye....what do I do? That's right, I get charmed by the cleverness of the knitted up hem and do the next one the same way. You would think I was drunk.
Q: So maybe knitted up hems is one of those techniques that's just worth it?
A: Are you on crack? It looks the same. Sewn-up and knitted-up hems look the same. The only difference is that one leaves you with spare time and your sanity and the other doesn't. For crying out loud...haven't you been listening? I'm a woman on the edge and knitted up hems have done it to me.
Q: So, considering that you're a reasonably self aware, educated woman with a good head on her shoulders, now that you've realized this about hems, and you have one sleeve left to go, are you going to get over it and sew up this hem?
A: This interview is over. Get out of my house.
Can you tell the interviewer to get out of your house, even when it's just the voices in your own head? Wow. I've got to try that.
And your knitted hems look far superior to a sewn hem. At least that's what I'm telling the voices in MY head....
Posted by: Amie at September 1, 2004 1:10 PMHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're hilarious! I'm so glad you're back.
Posted by: LauraA at September 1, 2004 1:20 PMJust because I'm jealous after seeing your haul yesterday, I'm going to tell you that school started today. I'm also going to ignore your laundry comment because I want to think that Super Harlot doesn't spend all of her time looking at never ending piles of clothes and towels.
Posted by: Cyndy at September 1, 2004 1:35 PMI'm gonna pass right on over the fact that you had me wetting myself again with this post and point out how astutely observational I am and noticed that you have that little pink thingy on your sidebar that indicates you've joined the RAOK. I'm in favor. I say yea! Love you all over again.....
Posted by: Norma at September 1, 2004 1:36 PM"observational"? Is that a word? Is that something where you look through the telescope and see stars? or is that just something in my head again? WTF?
Posted by: Norma at September 1, 2004 1:42 PMI'd love to leave you a pithy, witty comment but all I can think to say is, "Man, are you funny!"
Posted by: Jessica at September 1, 2004 1:44 PMUm, the question we should all be asking today is who is this interviewer? Is it all the ponchos talking or what?
I must say, those river john needles seem very clever *quickly untying the tight tight knot on his purse-strings*
Posted by: Aubergine at September 1, 2004 1:44 PMFeeling like the interviewer missed some questions, I have to annoy you to ask:
Did you use a provisional cast-on for the hems?
Did you use a turning ridge?
And completely unrelated but since I consider you a sock expert (sexpert?), could ya advise me on toes? Do you decrease every other row or do a more gradual decrease? Does it make any difference at all? okay, okay, I'm getting out of the house now
Vat es dis River John needle singie you speak of?
BTW, you are freakin' hysterical!!!
Posted by: Lisa at September 1, 2004 2:21 PM"Six hours later when I'm a gibbering, weeping idiot who has a permanent squinty right eye....what do I do?"
Nothing. You fit in with the rest of us.
Posted by: roggey at September 1, 2004 2:21 PMPermanent squinty right eyes are nothing to worry about, its when you develop a twitch that you should worry.
Posted by: Melanie at September 1, 2004 2:46 PMuh-oh! Your post could not be more timely! i started these mittens from some foreign land my mother brought back as a 'gift' FOR ME - i get to knit them , she gets to wear them (someone explain the 'gift' part to me) - anyways- in about 6 rows i am supposed to 'create knitted hem'. Yesterday I thought- 'great-learn a new technique!' now i'm thinking- SEW the HEM! Learn from the Harlot's example! OR i could.......
Posted by: beth at September 1, 2004 3:24 PMIs it wrong that I laugh to the point of tears at almost everything you post? You rock. I'm still reeling with envy over the Nova Scotia/PEI/Cape Breton trip.
Posted by: Julia at September 1, 2004 4:43 PMYou have such a great sense of humour! Does it run in your family? I only ask becuse i've heard your sister is a laugh riot. Speaking of your sister, what are the chances of hearing more about her and your seriously handsome and charming nephew? Do you have any more pictures of them we can see? You probably get asked about them all the time. You should babysit your nephew more so we can learn more about him. Take care HARLOT.
Posted by: Erin at September 1, 2004 4:53 PMEvery now and then, when knitting a sock, I look at the developing leg and think, ya know, this would make a great sweater arm! before I snap out of it. Thanks for giving me more ammunition to throw at the part of me that likes to come up with those insane ideas. :)
Posted by: Rana at September 1, 2004 5:02 PMWow, I just stumbled upon your blog for the first time and find that someone shares my knitted hem madness. And it is madness. Because even though my knitted hem on my adult-sized Norweigan sweater took about 10x as long as sewing it and looks exactly the same I would still do it again. Crazy. But I'm glad I'm not alone!
Posted by: Alison at September 1, 2004 6:27 PMGo on ! - get her the boots, I only LIVED to look like a trollop at that age.
Of course, I say this as the mother of 3 daughters not yet at the "I want to look like a streetwalker stage" and confident in the knowledge that my response will be "Not until you're 21 / have a job and your own money / not while you're under my roof young lady !" ...
Posted by: Heather at September 1, 2004 6:36 PMSo glad we're back to our "regularly scheduled programming"!
Posted by: Kat at September 1, 2004 8:47 PMI hate to do this to someone so clearly in a state of distress, but school started around here on August 9. And yes, parents are up in arms. Oh, and I really admire those seams.
Posted by: Jane at September 1, 2004 9:35 PMOh, I always prefer picking up the CO stitches to grafting. One thing that works well for me is to use a provisional CO and then move those stitches to some itty bitty needles (at least 2 sizes smaller) when it's time to hem, so I'm doing a 3 needle BO type technique, without the binding off bit. To me, that's much easier than digging for the right loop.
I do have to echo someone elses comment about a purl row where the hem will be turned. Yo, P2tog across produces a really cute picot edge as well.
Regardless, the pieces is super lovely.
The Harlot's daughter wants to look like a strumpet?!
Tell her she can only dress to kill (remember that mango tank) if she makes it herself.
I discovered your blog a few days ago when looking for poncho patterns, and now I am hooked. My daughters and I have been giggling at the picture of the town sign indicating "yarn available" and at Megan's picture of your 'hair-in-lamp" dilemma. It is so refreshing to know that I am not the only mum whose teenage daughters argue about nail polish. -Or who engages in unedifying discussions with daughters about wanting clothes to make them look like strumpets. Thank you for sharing it all with us.
Posted by: Catherine at September 2, 2004 8:31 AMYour knitted hems are lovely! I hate seaming too!
Posted by: Kimberly at September 2, 2004 10:29 AMThere, there. The knitted hem is ever so much more fulfilling, I understand. You'll forget all about the pain a day or so after the sweater is done. And bonus! It won't come back to ask you for money the day before it's rent is due :-)
Posted by: Sheila at September 2, 2004 11:38 AMKilt hose. Think calf gussets outlined with openwork whose patterns must merge at the gusset bottom to become the back-seam. And a patterned turnover -- which turns over so much more appealingly if you, as Marnie says, work a yo/k2tog picot...and then knit the pre-picot row together with the post-picot row. On an 11 inch circular, American size 1.
And he has two legs.
And of course I knit them together every time. We are all certifiable. (But kilt hose are one object where the hand knit is so clearly superior to machine knit, even to amateurs, that you've gotta do it, because this is all about SHOWING OFF.)
Posted by: rams at September 2, 2004 1:05 PMSee...now I'm a crochet addict and only about half of what you said made sense to me (the knit half - the family and kid stuff I completely identified with) but still damned funny and entertaining...
Posted by: Jenn at September 2, 2004 5:10 PMUh, Steph...you just had a conversation/argument with yourself, and on a blog (read by many) no less. Did I mention that I'm on the dual track for marriage and family therapy AND mental health counseling? I'll give you a call in two years...
Posted by: Amanda* at September 3, 2004 3:20 PMhow do I join this sewing group?thanks,Judy
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