March 3, 2005
Ken's Dulaan hat.
Today is, my little pets, a very special day. Today is the day that we celebrate Ken's birthday. Ken's my best friend and an extraordinary person. I love him a great deal and today I will cook pork chops for his birthday dinner to prove my love. If you are not aware, your local Harlot is a vegetarian. Cooking pork chops is a sincere and loving expression of my dedication to him. (We will not discuss that neither the children nor Joe got meat on their birthdays...this is my game and I make the rules.)
Five reasons Ken is pork chop worthy:
1. He is charming. I have it on good authority that Ken gets his hair cut with his eyes closed so that he gets a surprise at the end.
2. He is brave. Ken will try anything once, including things that other people would never consider, like bungee jumping, ice climbing or skydiving.
3. He is dedicated and determined. Ken will stick with something even when it is clearly not working because he believes (and he is mostly right) that his intelligence will sort it in the end.
4. He is loyal. Ken has never said an unkind thing about someone he loves. (An add on to this one is that if he doesn't like someone the conversation is going to be very entertaining.)
5. He is generous. Ken buys exorbitant gifts like a drumcarder for me or an I-pod for Hoi-en, a snowboard for Sam, or voice recognition software for Lene.
(My frugal mother would call this "more money than sense", but he's getting pork chops so it's clearly working for him.)
There will be much more about Ken's birthday tomorrow....but for today you get Ken's Dulaan hat. This hat is not for Ken to wear, I've probably made him 20. This hat is for Ken to give to the totally brilliant Dulaan project, spearheaded by the lovely and entertaining Ryan. (Hop over and see what she's up to.) Ken knits, but he's been too busy lately to make much headway (pun intended) so I've knit this and will send it in his name. (present #1) As present #2, I'm writing the pattern down here, so that anybody who wants to can make a Ken's Dulaan hat, thus ensuring his name lives in knitting infamy. This took an hour to make, and that included figuring the pattern. Think about sending one along to the Dulaan people in Ken's honour.
Ken's Dulaan Hat:
Materials: About 40 metres of Lion Brand 100% wool "Van Gogh" , sadly discontinued. Three strands of Worsted weight held together, or two strands of chunky will do.
one pair 12mm straight needles (or whatever you need to get gauge...)
Gauge: 7 stitches to 10cm. (I find this hysterical. This makes your gauge 1.75 stitches per inch. I think it's normal for this to hit your funny bone. You might not want to try and explain to normal people why it's so darned funny though)
Cast on 30 stitches. Pause and laugh for a minute, since you are knitting a whole darned hat for a real sized human and it has 30 stitches in the cast on.
Knit 1 row. (this takes seconds. Mere seconds)
K1, P1 across the next two rows.
Right side: Knit one row, increasing two stitches equally spaced. (32 stitches, yup, still funny)
wrong side: K1, purl to last stitch K1.
Right side: Knit.
Repeat these two rows until you have worked 11 rows and have the right side facing for the next one. (It is good to pause for a little giggle here, as you have, in fewer than 15 rows, knit the main bit of the hat.)
First row: K3, *K2tog, K2, repeat from * until 5 stitches remain, K2tog, K3
Second row (wrong side) K1, P2, *P2tog, P1, repeat from * until 4 stitches remain, P2tog, P2.
Third row: K1, K2tog across row, K1.
4th row: K1, purl across, K1
5th row: K1, K2tog four times, K1
6th row: P2tog 3 times (3 stitches remain)
Work I-cord for 10cm and fasten off, leaving a long tail for sewing up. Thread the tail down through the I-cord and sew up the back of the hat. Weave in the tail you started with, tie the I-cord top into a cute overhand knot, do a little dance and invoke the name of Ken.
One superwarm stashbusting hat in way less time that you ever dreamed possible.
Finally today, I have to thank Stitchy McYarnpants. She had emailed me some time ago telling me that in her travels on this earth she had found something that "was meant to be" mine. Now, it concerns me a little when people say this. I worry about weird blog insights and strange connections and....well. Weirdness. I also worry, when people say "this is PERFECT for you" and then give me something that really isn't, that I will have to lie or something. (I hate lying. Probably because I suck at it). So when dear little Stitchy said that she had something that was "meant to be mine". I felt a little nervous. The sweetie was excited so I went along. What could it be?
Today I got the little notice that they had a package for me so I trotted to the post office, hoping against hope that it was her box, because she sent it a long time ago and we've been worried. Indeed it was from her and I opened it up....filled with fear and excitement all at the same time. I would never, ever have guessed in a million years what Stitchy had found and mailed.
Wool Pig salt and Pepper shakers.
Posted by Stephanie at March 3, 2005 1:33 PM
Wow. Those really do stop the chatter in its tracks. Truly an interesting and memorable gift.
Those are awesome. I forsee lots of "wool pig" searches at eBay this afternoon.
Kat in Boston
Yeah for wool pigs! Will they help in the seasoning Ken's pork chops? Sorry, had to ask.
Thank you for making me laugh out loud. I needed that!
that hat pattern is awesome. I'm going to the LYS and getting the yarn within a week. Or, I'll stop the Harry Potter scarf I'm making early and throw in a hat.
You rock. My short, ferret-like attention span will ADORE THAT HAT.
FAB-U-LOUS!!! Those are just...so...perfect. Love them.
You are very fortunate to have a friend like Ken, But then again, I think he is probably pretty fortunate in having a friend like you-pork chops and all.
Daaang those are cute! Thanks for the hat pattern, too-- the Dulaan Project seems to inspire new and clever hats, doesn't it?
Good luck with the pork chops. As a fellow vegetarian, I don't think I would know the first thing on how to cook something like that. I would probably just treat it like tofu!
Classic. The pigs are priceless. My family has taken it's share of grief for our collection of barfing-animal ceramics (long story; blame it on the original cow creamer), but these pigs really take the pork... er, cake.
YAY! You finally got them! I thought some postal employee may have absconded with them and, knowing of the Yarh Harlot and the legend of the Wool Pig, would hold them for ransome, demanding a jumpsiut of freshly hand spun yarn in exchange for their safe return. Phew, I'm glad I was wrong! I hope you enjoy them! It seems fitting that little pigs should show up on pork chop day. Maybe you could get by without handling meat if you just put some parsley on these and try serving them to the lucky and wonderful Ken.
Wow, I totally cannot spell today. Forgive my typos in that previous comment (and any in this one, please).
Harlot- I have a woolpig christmas ordament at home that I was planning on mailing to you, but, unfortunately, I was feeling selfish. It's very cute. Besides, you've already got some wool pig memorabilia....
Do people really say things like 7 sts to 10cm and then say it's 1.75 sts to the inch? It seems like a metric crime...
I think it is completely awesome that Ken keeps his eyes closed while getting a haircut so he gets a surprise. I get the feeling he's the type of guy who gets the most out of life!
The wool pigs are extremely cute and very fitting but I can't help but wonder who would ever concieve of the idea of them (unless they read this blog). Knitted sheep - sure. Cows wearing leather jackets - macabre but logical; but knitted pigs.....I don't get it.
Those, dear harlot, are truly MEANT FOR YOU TO HAVE.
Will you knit a house of wool for the wool pigs to live in? (I'm sure that anything you knit will stand up to the big, bad wolf- besides, I hear he huffs and puffs from a wool allergy so no worries...)
The wool pigs are SWEET! They're AWESOME! (Napolean Dynamite is in my head today)
Thanks for the hat pattern! I have had big plans to use up stash to make hats to give away but haven't gotten around to it. With your pattern, I can use up way more stash in a much shorter time period and actually DO IT rather than just think about knitting them and giving them away!
I love that I was totally laughing at the 30 stitches even before you told us to laugh at the 30 stitches. I love a big needle, small stitch count project! The perfect thing to trade off with my complicated-cable sweater that I'm trying not to call bad names.
**why wouldn't this let me post my comment with the word "Napole o n" (I added spaces here so it would post). Is this some sort of naughty word that I'm not aware of?
Happy Birthday to Ken! He is indeed special for you to be willing to do the chops.
Thanks for the hat pattern. I have a bunch of wool I can't felt cuz I don't have the hands for hand-felting or the machine (front loader) for machine felting. I will make some of these and send off to the Project.
The Pigs rock! And, might I say, as a Southerner, I am totally enthralled with the snow in the background.
Those are the most amazing little pigs- and they arrived in perfect timing- as March 1st was National Day of the Pig here in the U.S. Yes, really.
Well, there goes whatever excuse for laziness I may have had for the Dulaan knitting I've been procrastinating about. Now I just have to figure out if I have needles that big.
I forsee Ken's hat being a standby for the Dulaan project... and I love the Wool Pigs!
She's got your number! ;-)
Happy Pork Chops, Ken (you gotta theme going there, Steph)!!
All Hail Stitchy!
Now, where the hell did she get them? I want a pair of wool pigs...
Please take the piggies to another room while you cook the pork chops.
Pork chops taste good.
Those S n P's are brilliant!
That Stitchy is THE BEST, is she not??? I'm thinking of mascarading as one of her cats - think she'll notice?
The hat is wonderful! Happy B-day to Ken.
This may be old news, but I typed "wool pig" into google and this was the #1 result: http://www.voulgaropoulos.com/US/NEW/ELEVAGES/html/09.html
The hat instructions had me giggling at my desk. Am having two dear friends over for dinner tonight, but now I'll be itching for them to go home so I can start my Hot Head Hat. Knitting at 1.75 st/inch *on purpose* ... hilarious!
Happy Birthday, Ken! I remember your birthday last year, and all the sweet things Steph said about you then. You sound like a terrific friend.
Hahahahahhah love the pigs! The hat is fab, got to try that.
Umm, I think the Dulaan project is a great thing, this is not in ANY way to detract from it, but for the Canadians out there, please remember that homeless folks right here at home face the same situation. Among other places, Edmonton, Saskatoon, Regina, and Winnipeg can all face -40C weather in the winter, so just don't forget that before we get too excited shipping things off to Mongolia.
And I gotta say, I LOVE the wool pigs!
That's a very cool knitting project.
The wool pigs... I have no words.
Truly gratifying quick knit project you got there. It addresses the "I should do something for a charity project, but don't want to take time away from MY knitting" guilt trip debate I always end up in.
I must find some wool pigs. Too funny.
wool pigs, amazing... how can it be?
Pork chop worthy-that's a whole new compliment. I have to say, when you said it took an hour I figured that it was a harlot thing. Sure you could make it in an hour, but you knit cultural mittens for gods sake. But now that I've read it I think maybe even I could knit it in an hour. I'm impressed!
O.M.G. The mind boggles. "Perfect" isn't quite right, how about "unbelievable". I have to go rest now.
Happy Birthday to Ken. He sounds like such a great soul friend to have.
I love the hat. I've been needing a quick NBK project and this is perfect and for a good cause too!
I am snickering over the WoolPigs. Hysterical!
And a very Happy Birthday and pork chop to Ken! (can't believe I forgot that the first time)
Pigs in a blanket!!! Very cute.
You know how you type something and you think to yourself "now that just looks wrong" and then you ignore it and then hours later you realize what it is?
Masquerading. That's what I meant.
Love the wool pigs!!! I like the hat pattern too, will have to try it, nice and quick and easy, my kind of pattern.
I made my son a cheesecake for his birthday 2 weeks ago. I am vegan but i did the whole thing, cream cheese, eggs and all. I don't know if I could face bringing raw meat into my house, but I surely do understand your affection for your friend for whom you would cook pork chops.
susanna in Halifax where it has also snowed some more
So...does Ken get to use the Wool Pig salt n pepper shakes on the pork chops or would that just be too weird?
Happy Birthday Ken!!
A beautiful story that proves the old proverb: "O Ye who giveth freely of pork chops so shall ye receiveth the bounty of the spicey wool pigs."
Whoa. I haven't been knitting that long (July) and I've been in blog-land even shorter (January-ish), so I had to look up the original wool pig post. Lady, I think someone wants you to refinance your house! Stupid spammers...
I think at this point I'm just a wool piglet, on account of my inability to give away yarn, even yarn I hate, from my stash.
Thanks for the fab motivitation. Immediately after I read your post I went home and knit me a ken hat. Now I can contribute lots of little hatties to Dulaan. Thanks!
Cool hat. Through bizarre coincidence, I was swayed today by some big-gauge yarn which knits up on size 13's to 3st/in. I wasn't even aware they made 13's, since I'm a sock yarn kind of gal, and make what I consider bulkier stuff on size 4's, so I can relate to the hilarity of the gauge there. 30 st *is* really funny. Tee hee!
Wool pigs! Imagine that. You couldn't imagine how hard I laughed while most of the household still sleeps this morning. Had to let my hubby in on the joke. All he said "it's not that funny". Men don't get it!
Hurry on over, there's a wool pig on ebay! (substituting the word "wool" for "string", I think that works):