I have always said "when I run the world, things will be different." Debit cards will all swipe in the same direction, there will only be one kind of screwdriver...coffee will be free. There were other things too, but I didn't know what they were until I woke up on Saturday in an alternate universe.
I know that claiming that I have, in a moment of such profound shift that I didn't even notice it, had my entire universe changed might seem a little crazy. I know that swearing that This Is Not My Life, might seem a little odd. I know.
The evidence is overwhelming.
1. It was only a year ago that I was pining away, wishing that I was a knitter going to Maryland Sheep and Wool. This Saturday morning I got up at 4:30 in the morning and took planes until I landed in Baltimore. (It took a couple. Wisely, no one attempted conversation with me during this time.) Sarah-the-wonder-publicist had offered me two choices for getting there. I could get up at 4:30am and leave, arriving in time for a whole day of woolie fun, or I could meet my human needs for sleep and restoration and catch a plane later in the day, arriving whole and human, but missing out on some of the Maryland fun.
I can't believe she even asked which I would prefer.
2. There is more wool, sheep, yarn, alpacas and Llamas at Maryland sheep and wool than exists in my world. There is so much that you run the risk of becoming "wool blind". For the first while that you are there you can't even register all the yarn and fleece and wool. You can scarcely breathe. (This may have something to do with the crushing crowds. Crushing.) It is nothing short of dizzying.
3. All my imaginary friends from the internet are real.
(This is a nest of bloggers discovered in their natural habitat.)
This was so comforting that I can't tell you. (It had crossed my mind that I had invented myself a posse of like minded figments of my imagination to email with. ) I met so many of you that my mind reeled. Every time I looked up it was someone that was astonishing. I met many blog supporters, many blog writers, far too many to name here (My alternate universe does not yet have unlimited on line time.) Check in with the usual suspects for the whole story. Click their links, behold the wonder that is my alternate universe.
4. This sheep knows something is up.
5. EVERYONE in my new universe knits. They knit, and spin and think that the sheep above is a wonder. They talk about fibre, they buy yarn. They think that "knit too much" is hysterical. In the hotel rooms in my new world, the knitters gather in the evening and show each other their new yarn, and not one person thinks anybody (even people who bought a LOT) are strange. In my new universe...non knitters are people like Eric here,
People who know the value of a sock and will hold it high during a tasty dinner in Saratoga Springs NY.
6. In Knitterworld, socks travel to far away knitshops and pose in the window for all the world to see.
Inside, knitters gather to support and enjoy each others company, helping each other to understand that what is normal, is fitting as much yarn as you can possibly freakin get into whatever you call home and then looking for more.
In the world that I live in now, knitters travel from New Jersey to Saratoga springs for the celebration of knitting.
I'm not entirely sure how far it is from New Jersey to Saratoga Springs, but people seemed really impressed with Judy and Miranda.
(Note: the new and perfect world showed a minor breach when I noticed (right before my visit with these charming knitters) that I had a largish hole in the crotch of my pants. I suppose some elements of my real world are just to big to beat down. )
7. In my new alternate universe, (and this is really compelling) when Sarah-the-wonder-publicist calls to get a sedan to drive you from Saratoga Springs NY to Amherst MA they show up with a FREAKING SUPER STRECH LIMO because they are all out of sedans.
Here we have my sock, Sarah-the-wonder-publicist and Robert MY FREAKING CHAUFFEUR in the parking lot where I was busy having a stroke.
The sock reclined in the inside of the limo,
A thousand thanks to Robert for putting on all the bells and whistles and giving me an extremely cool 2 hours in my alternate world.
Dude, it was a blast.
For now, I'll be sewing up the hole in my pants.
Nothing lasts forever.
How do I get to your world? Second star to the right or somesuch?
Posted by: Kat at May 10, 2005 12:21 PMWow, it sounds like you are in a dream!! Enjoy and we look forward to you returning safely to your family and home.
Posted by: Robin at May 10, 2005 12:25 PMYou deserve the limo! I'd get you one myself if I could. Work has been hellacious lately, and the best part of the day is getting into bed with my eyes half open and reading a few pages of your book. Thank you for your humor and your contributions. I'm really looking forward to the next one. And ask your wonder publicist to send you to St. Louis!!! You aren't coming anywhere near us!
Posted by: Jenn at May 10, 2005 12:28 PMOh my gosh! It was so unbelievably (can't spell today) cool too meet you. You totally made my day when you said the postcard I sent you was hanging on your 'fridge. I'm sorry Stacy & I couldn't hang out with you a bit longer, an emergency of sorts came up that needed to be taken care of.
Posted by: Caren at May 10, 2005 12:28 PM
I notice you chose an extremely cute man to represent the non-knitters. Very clever.
Posted by: Susan at May 10, 2005 12:31 PMI notice you chose an extremely cute man to represent the non-knitters. Very clever. Is the Yarn Harlot Sock-of-the-Month calendar next?
Posted by: Susan at May 10, 2005 12:31 PMHmmm. No mention of what you bought. No promise of pictures to come. I smell a diversion. Granted, that Eric is distracting. However, we will not be diverted. What did you buy? 'Fess up.
And was your publicist actually doing the Rachael in the parking lot?
Posted by: Marie at May 10, 2005 12:33 PMWowee! I don't know why the limo impresses me so much, but it does! All for one person! And her truckload of yarn....? Waiting with bated breath for the big reveal.
Posted by: Kate at May 10, 2005 12:36 PMYou derserve the limo! I got to ride in one once and IT WAS KILLER!
Please provide directions to this new world of yours. I want to come play along with you.
I agree with Susan, extremely cute non-knitter model for the sock. Eye candy to be sure!
Please advise what type needles they allow on airplanes. Thanks.
Continue on with your new world and keep us posted!
Posted by: Anna at May 10, 2005 12:36 PMGreat to meet you at the festival, Stephanie! I wish I had had my book with me... :)
Where did you go to dinner in Saratoga? Is that Wheatfields?
I'm delighted that you're showing the sock such a good time.
Posted by: Stephanie at May 10, 2005 12:45 PMGlad you're having an enchanted time. The limo is tres cool.
And all screwdrivers would be Robertson's.
WOW...I want to come play in your universe, but I don't want to do all the hard work you did to get there. What I am saying is you deserve everything-except the hole in your pants. That balance thing I guess. Keep on keepin' on....
Posted by: Teresa at May 10, 2005 12:53 PMSounds like heaven... except of course the hole in the pants thing. Why do they always have to turn up in the most embarrasing location possible?
Yes, what did you buy? (just so I can live through you...)
Posted by: frecklegirl at May 10, 2005 12:57 PMYou are awesome! It was so cool to meet you (again), in Saratoga! You know how to engage a crowd - I was kinda star-struck with you there. It hit me later on in the evening that maybe the hole in your pants was Mr. Washie's way to telling you he misses you. Write more books . .
Posted by: Sharon at May 10, 2005 12:58 PMThanks for the glimpse into Yarntopia. I'm diving back into the hellhole of term paperwriting now, positively puce with envy.
Posted by: Gwendolina at May 10, 2005 12:59 PMA stretch limo! whoo hooo!
Posted by: Reenie at May 10, 2005 1:01 PMI am glad I got to meet you on Sunday, however briefly. Thanks for signing my book, it wasn't even at the top of my mind when I saw you, I just wanted to say hi.
I hope you were able to buy lots of yarn in your last hour at the festival and that the pitstop to talk to me didn't slow you down too much.
Posted by: Faith at May 10, 2005 1:01 PMIt sounds wonderful! Hopefully the dream will continue and you can come to Atlanta one day. I'll be happy furnish you with all the southern biscuits you can take and show you the joys of gravy. Mmmm... How's that for a bribe?
Posted by: Rebekah at May 10, 2005 1:01 PMAlmost forgot to say, the hole in the crotch of your pants is like the modern coin in Christopher Reeve's hand which jolts him back into the future in "Somewhere in Time". Brings you back down to earth sorta.
When my cousins and I were children we used to pretend to love dress-up at Gramma's, because we were convinced that if we were banging around in her wardrobe, looking for all the world like we were "just playing dress-up", that we would find the gateway to Narnia back there. Needless to say we never found it.
Hope the portal to your alternate universe stays open a while, at least until next May, because I think I'll be able to make MS&W next year (and meet all of MY imaginary friends!).
Hey, did the limo have free coffee?
Posted by: jodi at May 10, 2005 1:04 PMYup. This is your new life. It's awesome to vicariously experience your adventures, Steph.
And I don't think you know the full extent of your impact on the culture of western world as yet. For example, my husband and I have a standard line in many a conversation:
"What would the Harlot do?"
Maybe we should make bumper stickers?
-leslie
Posted by: leslie at May 10, 2005 1:08 PMSo glad you enjoyed your visit here! I toted your book around Sunday, hoping to see you, but no luck. Perhaps I was distracted by all the lovely yarn, much of which found its way to my house! Safe home, and I second...third..fourth..whatever the motion to see your purchases!
So whaddja get at MS&W? Where's the haul?!
Posted by: kelly at May 10, 2005 1:12 PMWhoa! How exciting. Maybe some of the wonder will rub off on me this Friday (and possibly Saturday). You must be exhausted though. Please keep some momentum going, though I promise, I won't expect you to be *on*. Enjoy the rest of the week.
Posted by: Teresa C at May 10, 2005 1:15 PM::bounces up and down:: I'm real, I am!
(but then, so is solipsism, so who knows).
I finished sock 1 of the Norweigian pair I've been working on since March last night, at the Northern Olympic Peninsula Linux Users Group meeting. I like them, their acronym is NoPlug. I was there in my capacity as driver (no stretch limo, just a reg'lar ol' station wagon) of that infant I pushed out of my womb about 14 years ago. (Can I say "womb" in your comment section? Or is it a four letter word?)
I think I'd like the yarniverse better than the LUGosphere. The people were real nice, but I don't think they spoke English...
...anyway, when we got home, I offered my husband a chance to try on the sock.
It won't go over the arch of his foot.
I now have a REALLY beautiful first sock for me, and THREE more to go.
I think I'm ready to move into the yarniverse now.
Posted by: Dena Shunra at May 10, 2005 1:15 PMIt was so nice to meet you at Maryland Sheep & Wool. I was completely overwhelmed, being a first-timer at that type of thing. Unbelieveable.
So, was there any Screech in the back of the limo for that ride to Amherst?
Best wishes to you and the sock for the rest of your trip.
Posted by: Beth at May 10, 2005 1:21 PMWhoa! For a minute, let's reflect on how hot your new friend Eric is. He's hot! It's moments like these that I'm like "Sign me up for gay man in my next life too!" So'd you get his number?
Unfortuantely, in your alternative universe, near and dear folks who want nothing more than to hang on your every word and stalk you around the sheep and wool festival, actually are drawn around with their other male knitter friends who are only at sheep and wool to find THE best yarn; and thus, those dear folks, can't stick around and show off the fabu sock yarn they bought...
If you're in Amherst when you read this - go. Get pizza from that insanely long line on Bridge Street. You will love it. Or, walk up and around to my favorite b&b, Emily's, which is behind that weird church.
Posted by: TrickyTricot at May 10, 2005 1:27 PMIsn't it a good thing that the underwear issue was resolved in the nick of time?
Posted by: Judith in Ottawa at May 10, 2005 1:32 PMOnce again very happy that I live 25 minutes (in rush hour) from the MD S&W fairgrounds, I was even more happy to not have to pack a suitcase, but just stuff the car (and I do mean STUFF the car). I came home more than 12 POUNDS of spinning fiber richer. And none of my spinny friends think I'm weird.
Posted by: Amie at May 10, 2005 1:33 PMHoly SCHMOKES!!! Eric can hold my socks anytime.
Jealous, jealous, jealous. Jealous of trips to MD. Jealous of visits with cute furry/wooly critters. Jealous of rides in stretch limos.
So glad you had fun. It really must seem a bit surreal to actually see all the people you read every day in the flesh. Strange and exciting. Like celebrities without the annoying paparazzi.
W. :)
Posted by: Wendy at May 10, 2005 1:34 PMHowdy Ring-Neighbor! It was nice to see you at the fest... I LOVE your alternate world!
It was such a huge let down to come back to the real world on Monday where no one *cared* about the AMAZING cormo/angora laceweight I scored or wanted to touch the dreamy cascade silk from Tess. sigh.
Not just that, but they *still* think imaginary internet friends are weird, even after hearing (probably a bit too much) about how freakin' fun they are!
Here's to Rhinebeck... only 5 months away!!!
Posted by: chelsea at May 10, 2005 1:35 PMwhen i wake up in an alternate world, it's never that awesome. Yay you!
i need to go wipe all the yarn-induced drool off the keyboard and try to get over my limo-envy.
Hope the rest of your time in the alternate universe is as spectacular.
Posted by: lori at May 10, 2005 1:36 PMIt really was nice to be lounging in the grass with a bunch of other people knitting...natural habitat, fer sure.
It was really great to meet you and chat. Thanks for being so gracious, and for holding the Frecklegirl doll! Safe travels!
Posted by: Carrie at May 10, 2005 1:37 PMNothing but the best for our Harlot! :)
Posted by: Madalyn at May 10, 2005 1:54 PMOh, you TOTALLY have to get the stretch SUV when you come to Vermont. (I think it's time to stop off at The Gap for new SJP pants, though, eh?)
Posted by: Norma at May 10, 2005 1:56 PMGive me that world anyday! And, to join us there, I suggest a book, my newest find, think you'll love it: confessions of a slacker wife (apparently a sequel to confessions of a slacker mother), by muffy mead-ferro. Funny, and right on the mark. This will require a touch-only knitting project for a couple days, so I can read at the same time...hmmm.
Posted by: tree at May 10, 2005 2:03 PMSpeaking of chickens... I never screwed up the courage to get in line and meet you on Saturday. Mostly because I left my book (which I loved!) at home in Pittsburgh and felt like a dork. I was startled to see that I make an appearance in Carrieoke's blog--I'm in the upper left of her picture with you. So, I'm glad to have met you at a distance anyway!
I definitely want in on that world where debit cards all swipe the same way!
Posted by: Kristen at May 10, 2005 2:33 PMIt was great to meet you! I was part of that nest of knitters, although I somehow missed the pic. What fun! I hope you had fun with the rest of your day!
Posted by: sarah b. at May 10, 2005 2:40 PMA profound universe shift? After 15 years, I took up knitting again only 3 months ago, found your web site last month, went to my first Maryland Wool and Sheep (I had never even heard of it before), and bragged to my sister that I saw you exiting the festival as I was going in! I would have stopped you but you were leaving and eating - not that you doing these things were discouraging me from coming close - but I hate to bother "celebrities" when they probably have strangers constantly coming up to them with nothing to say but, "hi, I recognize you!" I can't wait to read your book and thanks to all you knitters out there who now pepper my universe - one I could not have imagined was out there only 4 months ago.
Posted by: Tina at May 10, 2005 2:42 PMThe limo cracks me up!! Your sock certainly has room to stretch its legs (or... toes?) in that thing. Its like the sock and you were going to the prom together!
I'm going to click my heels together three times and go to your world... it sounds delightful.
I think you'll know when you're living in an AU when Mr. Washie fits in the back of the chauffeured automobile. With the seamstress for potential wardrobe malfunctions. ;D
Posted by: perclexed at May 10, 2005 2:54 PMNow, when are you heading to Europe? Your imaginary friends over here are real too... ;)
Posted by: Kristel at May 10, 2005 2:57 PMAs with everyone else...it was fabulous meeting you! Thank you so much for signing my book. You are a very talented lady. ;-)
Posted by: Eilene at May 10, 2005 3:02 PMAs with everyone else...it was fabulous meeting you! Thank you so much for signing my book. You are a very talented lady. ;-)
Posted by: Eilene at May 10, 2005 3:03 PMWow-- Sounds like such an incredible experience! A limo! Lucky you... Have fun knitting in that bad-boy! Go socks! I'll either see you tonight or tomorrow! Look forward to meeting you...
Posted by: Dani at May 10, 2005 3:06 PMGood Gawd Woman!!! You are having so much fun.
I hope the bookbookbook tour comes to Dallas, TX.
Posted by: mk at May 10, 2005 3:11 PMHow do I find this alternate universe? Must I stalk stitch markers, double-points, and scissors to see where they sneak off when they think I'm not looking?
Posted by: Cherrie at May 10, 2005 3:12 PMwowee. sounds positively exhilarating. so can we con you into coming to rhinebeck in time for the publication of your next book? I'm just wondering...
Posted by: regina at May 10, 2005 3:13 PMHey Stephenie, I saw pictures of you in the various knitters' blogs and boy, I say you looked soooo tired! But it's good to know that you had a good time running around. Are you home right now? Have a good soothing soak in the bathtub and just enjoy being home and have lots of rest.
Posted by: Agnes at May 10, 2005 3:58 PMHey, that Eric is pretty cute, I say we offer him a spot as your first model in the Sock-of-the-Month Calendar - he can be Mr. January.
....Come to think of it, I hear it gets pretty cold in Toronto. Maybe we should let him model the sock, wink, wink. Well we can't have him catching a cold now, can we? ;D
That sock sure is having on heck of a good time, isn't it?
Posted by: Tracy at May 10, 2005 4:10 PMWe knew you were a star and can't wait for the day you DO rule the world.
Posted by: margene at May 10, 2005 4:18 PMLove the bar in the stretch limo, and hope you did too! I am glad you are getting to have so much fun; writing a book is no piece of cake and you have earned all this fun!
Posted by: Birdsong at May 10, 2005 4:29 PMLet me outta this universe and into yours!
I would say that the darkened windows of the limo came in handy for fixing your pants but I don't think you fixed em there....
A year ago you had never been away from your family overnight in 17 years!
Holy crap. Think of all the wool you could stuff into that limo!!
Posted by: Patricia at May 10, 2005 5:01 PMPHew! I am laughing and laughing at your sock reclined in a limo, living large! :) Fig is giving me a dirty look. and the family is out so I am enjoying this laugh immensely.
German student arriving at my home in T minus 3 days. ACK.
It was great meeting you at the MSW. It was my first yarn festival anywhere and it was an almost overwhelming experience. That is why bringing non knitting husbands is great. Stand in line to purchase the yarn, make notes of which booths to revisit to buy more yarn.
"When you buy your yarn do you buy the red ones last?" :)
hope to see you tomorrow night in Acton Ma - will have to do some childcare rearranging so that I can get there early and get a seat...I carried your book to Arkansas and back to Massachusetts reading to my SO and his mother all the way - they loved the SSS descripiton to death...
Sharon in Massachusetts
Look at YOU supasta rockin' the LIMO!! WOO!!!
It was great to see you again!!! 2 Harlot sightings in ONE MONTH! Hope to see you again at Rhinebeck!!! (how long is it till then? Not far, right? RIGHT?!?!)
Posted by: Lara at May 10, 2005 6:23 PMEric is a hottie! In the alternate world, there will be lots of good-looking, good-natured sports who will hold up knitting projects for pictures.
Stephanie, you soooo deserve the limo, what an inspiration you are.
Good lord! The stretch limo was absolutely the cherry on top of an already pretty wicked sundae. I think your alternate world looks very enjoyable!
Posted by: Nikki at May 10, 2005 8:50 PMHoly crap! All that and a limo complete with driver?! May I join your world? I promise I won't disturb the *force* or anything! Pleeeeeze?!? ;)
Posted by: Jessica at May 10, 2005 9:33 PMYou have imaginary friends in California, too! I think the wonder publicist needs to get you out here for Lambtown, in Dixon, CA. Oh please oh please oh please!
Posted by: Laura in Alameda, CA at May 10, 2005 9:37 PMThat is going to be one spoiled sock! See you on Thursday in Essex Junction, VT!
Posted by: Kate at May 10, 2005 9:56 PMI love your universe!
It's so much better than the universe I woke up in today, I can't begin to tell you!
Thanks for sharing your universe with me.
Helen,
wondering what the car will do tomorrow....
Bought the book today! Had to get it at Barnes and Noble... my teeny LYS doesn't have it, more's the pity. Loving it.
And to answer your question, no I didn't say anything to the woman I saw wearing the Very Harlot poncho... I was too busy standing there with my mouth dropped open and by the time I was done she'd walked far past me. :)
I agree with all the other commenters... you certainly picked a marvelous non-knitting representative... and a good sport at that!
Posted by: Julie at May 10, 2005 10:34 PMJust a quick note: your bookbookbook was spotted tonight in my local Treasure Island store...not by me, but by my 2 year old son:
"Mommy, we have dat book!"
Posted by: Reenie at May 10, 2005 10:54 PMso proud to be one of your imaginary friends...and happy to have been one of the lucky few to make it into the photo...
thanks for SO graciously signing my bookbookbook and answering my silly question.
Didja score the solar dyed seawater yumminess I pointed you toward? Didja?
If that is the Matrix, Lemme in!
I think you deserve whatever reality you crave lil' darlin'. Enjoy!
Posted by: julia fc at May 10, 2005 11:20 PMWow, the sock really gets around. Right on!
Stephanie, you deserved a limo. Anyone who is willing to leave her home (and time zone), and travel around America encouraging knitters, deserves a limo =)
Thanks for coming to Kalamazoo. It was awesome!
Posted by: Kate The Great at May 10, 2005 11:35 PMHuh. This serves as bizarre further evidence of our separation at birth, or at least of some sort of strange parallel lives, as I just got to ride in a super stretch limo on Saturday. Oh, and if it please the court, I give further evidence that I was also in Dayton, OH when you were in Mt Vernon for a book signing. At this rate, we'll have to wave to each other in passing in airports.
Posted by: Andrea at May 11, 2005 12:24 AMIt was great to meet you, however briefly at MS&W. I'm so proud of you and the book book book. Next time I hope we get to chat longer.
Posted by: Nathania at May 11, 2005 1:09 AMStephanie, you are living my dream. :)
Posted by: Bad Hippie at May 11, 2005 9:06 AMYou deserve the limo. Next time one shows up, have him bring you to Florida. I think you'd have quite a large crowd of imaginary friends.
Posted by: Kris at May 11, 2005 9:25 AMSign me up for this universe of yours ;) Hopefully, I'll get out to the festival next year. Maybe. Hopefully? We'll see.
Posted by: Heather at May 11, 2005 10:55 AMAnd someday, someday, someday, if you ever come to Montréal (and I think you should because we have good croissants, really good wine, a massively huge new library big enough to hold all your fans, and we live near you, for pete's sake), you can take the Stretch Pick-up Truck. No kidding. Only in Québec....
I would come to see you in Vermont if I were not preparing for brain surgery next week...really, I was going to drive me and kid to Essex Junction and hug the bejeezus out of Norma and Cassie just to freak them out, because what else do you do with alternate-universe new friends, and finally get a chance to meet you, but...shit happens.
Can't wait to see the Maryland haul...EVERYONE else except Julia FC and a bunch of us other bereft blogeuses is showing theirs off--it's your turn :-)
Posted by: Lee Ann at May 11, 2005 12:31 PMEven cute boys knit?
Posted by: Miss Twiss at May 11, 2005 1:19 PMDude! The limo! How much fun is that? The sock looks mighty comfortable!
Posted by: Mary-Heather at May 11, 2005 1:28 PMIt was great to meet you (briefly) at Sheep & Wool. I think you have firmly convinced me to iron the Chai silk sweater (but see how I'm still not definite there, what with the "think" and all). I'll let you know how it turns out.
I'm glad I to be part of the nest of bloggers - natural habitat indeed.
And I'm now wishing that I'd had a second copy of your book for you to sign for my parents, but him seeing a picture of me on your blog (he's a daily reader) will have to do.
Posted by: Sarah at May 11, 2005 6:27 PMJust LOVE your alternate universe- but may I add one? All hubbies will understand the need to knit, spin, and stash. And will gladly and graciously give you knitting/spinning time after you have spent 12+ hours loving the little people. Oh, and said hubbies must all look like Eric!!! Am loving the bookbookbook- glad I found ya!
Posted by: Mindy aka Puff (the Magic Rabbit) at May 11, 2005 8:51 PMEveryone needs an alternate universe like this! I love it!!
Everyone in the alternate universe should get at least one limo ride! Knit on sista!