The Harlottiest Month

Ten Ways that December is going to be really fun in Harlotville.

1. The month kicks off with Claudia’s birthday. Go now. I’ll wait. Fill the comments of our favourite anti-blue, orange loving, funny, generous, sweetie-pie blogger with well wishes. It’s her 40th birthday. Imagine if every single person who reads this blog just went over and dropped a quick “Happy Birthday” in her comments? Overwhelm her. She deserves it.

2. 24 days until Christmas. I love Christmas. I am not religious but our family has embraced this season as a wonderful time to celebrate the people that we love and remind ourselves of our commitment to peace, kindness and the generosity that we should have every day. Plus there are cookies.

I love cookies. I word hard to make Christmas memorable. Unfortunately, this means that I swing back and forth between frantic and thrilled or thrilled and peaceful, or paniked and relaxed, or crazed and grateful for much of the month, knitting like a demon the whole time. That is very Harlotesque…is it not?

3. It is cold enough for mittens. I was going to knit them anyway…but now I look less crazy. (I know that “less” is all I can really shoot for.)


I’m showing the mitten inside out for those of you who asked. I completely understand the desire to see the inside. I love it when people show the inside. Look…here’s another one.


4. You have my annual holiday nervous breakdown to look forward to. It’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ll be “a few elves short of an effective workshop” by mid December. That’s not good for me, but should prove entertaining for those of you who are a safe distance away.

5. Bookbookbookbook.

6. I have decided to provide an important public service. From now until December 24th I will be helping the friends and relatives of knitters to choose appropriate gifts for knitters. There will be one suggestion each day. Print them out. Leave them around. If we all work together, it should be possible to prevent any really horrendous “blender incidents” this year.

7. The girls are home from school for weeks at a time when I am sleep deprived, attempting to maintain my job and keep the house clean while simultaneously shopping, baking and putting festive clean clothes on the whole lot of ingrates while playing The Chieftans really loud. That should be fun.

8. Once again I will be warping the time-space continuum in order to knit…well, a lot. While even I cannot figure out how I do it, I can tell you that this year it will involve The Official Drink of The Harlottyiest Month – Screech and fat-free Egg Nog, as well as enough gingerbread to cause gastrointestinal effects. This combination is almost enough to take the edge off of the completely irrational fear I have of Mummers. (Mummers have never come to my house, but from the first moment that I learned about them I’ve been worried. I live with a Newfoundlander and so must never, ever lift my guard). See that? This is also the Harlottiest month because it is full of Canadian Christmas culture, and apparently alliteration.

9. December is the month in which Joe’s completely insane different approach to the holidays only makes me more me. I am bracing myself for such seasonal greats as “The tree thing” in which Joe tries to get a small tree and I mock him. “The party thing” in which we attempt to go to the same holiday party, together, at the same time…and “The Shopping thing” in which I loose my mind in progressively hysterical increments trying to get the man to BUY ANYTHING before the 24th.

10 Yesterday, when I was gripped in the 100 things list debate, Gail said:

I think it would be more fun if we, your readers, listed 100 things we know about you…your relationship with Prince, places the Dublin Bay sock has gone, how many bras you own, the name of the guy working on the back of your house, etc.

I laughed and laughed..then I thought….I think that would be more fun too.

I’ll make you a deal. You put your lists in the comments (it doesn’t have to be 100 things…one is fine, maybe even better) , and I’ll enter you in the first annual Harlottiest Month Mitten Contest. (There may never be another…)

I’ll enter all the names in a draw for a thrummed mitten kit. Not just any kit either…the yarn is the very same yarn purchased in Newfoundland and used to knit the Rhinebeck sweater, and the white roving to make the thrums was washed and carded by me. (The Harlotttiest Month Mitten Contest is a low-budget affair). I’ll post the winner on Monday…you can enter until Saturday at Midnight. Also on Monday…I’ll post the real list. (If I feel like it).

I love December.

Gifts for knitters: Day 1

The Blue Ridge Soap Shed

Extremely cool soaps, balms and salves designed for knitters.