Dear missing Zephyr Yarn

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I’m sorry. I don’t know what I have done to make you leave me, but I’m sorry. I have looked and looked all over the house and the stash and I am getting seriously freaking pissed with your smartassed silk/merino attitude frustrated with your deception my ability to find you. Do you really think that I’m so stupid that I couldn’t hit sand if I fell off of a camel not determined to make things right?

I know that it was callous to misspell your name yesterday, but in my defense it was technically a typo, not a misspelling since I know how to spell your name but could not have given less of a care about you and your knavish hissy fits overlooked the error. I didn’t think you would take it personally because you are a *&^%$#!!!! INANIMATE OBJECT with no actual feelings a kind and gentle yarn, again, my most sincere apologies.

I really don’t know where you could be. I have turned the stash into a craptastic pile of tangled reeking horror looked through my yarn storage areas, completely trashed the contents of checked the entire linen closet , emptied every single stinking the yarn bin, maniacally torn up re-organized the shelving unit full of yarn and ransacked peeked in every single corner of the house while cursing violently and screeching looking for you. I’m afraid that now I cannot walk through a single room for the piles of shocking detritus I have pulled out of the bowels of this house I have run out of places to look. Despite this, my white hot yarn fury burns with the unabated fieriness of a thousand suns I am still experiencing some feelings of longing for you.

I know for an absolute fact that I bought your miserable wee arse skeins in Maryland. I have witnesses who can confirm your date of purchase and your colour. I have further witnesses who saw you enter this home. Ken himself can verify (though I have not asked him to, I don’t need to validate your deceitful crock of a plan ) that you have actually been seen in the living room of this house. There is no point in hiding any longer, I swear I will find you if I have to torpedo my own home to do it no matter how long it takes because I know you are here.

I cannot possibly think of anywhere else to look. I understand that you are a deviant, scurrilous, ignoble piece of (*&^%$!! crap yarn that I regret buying with every cell of my being a yarn with issues and feelings that need to be considered, but I really want you to come back before I tangle your inane yardage into knots so devastating that you will wish you were felted so I can knit you into a pretty, pretty shawl.

I promise that if you haul your disrespectful two-ply skein back where I can find you come forward, I won’t have to wind your balls so tight that you beg for mercy order other yarn. I know that I can make you so sorry that you pulled this scene on me we can be happy together.

Your knitter,

Stephanie

119 thoughts on “Dear missing Zephyr Yarn”

  3. Ooohhh Stephanie, I’m crying here, laughing and crying, and really I am sorry for your plight but it has helped to put my over-the-top scramble of a life into perspective… ever try getting a house ready to sell while packing for 2 weeks with your mother while daughter is in her last 2 days (make those 1/2 days) of school while being hit with an understandable but unexcusable desire to either sleep or start playing with the KSH I finally had to purchase yesterday… I do thank the goddess that at least I haven’t lost track of any of the yarn I need to keep me sane… good luck, my dear, good luck!

  4. This will make it appear like magic! Place an order for some more! Works every time for me!

  5. I don’t know if it’s my allergies or reading the plight of the Zypher yarn… but I’m about out of tissue and that only made it worse! I’m sure the little stinker will show it’s beautiful, fuzzy self right after the ordered yarn appears on your door step!

  7. How dare that tart of a skein hide from you! I mean, the nerve of it all. You tell it!

  8. As my mom would say, “You gave it a what for,” a “also an” followed by a “so there.”
    Maybe, once it comes forward, you could arrange it in a spot where it could atone for its mistakes by watching you knit something else? Something equally as stunning as Birch perhaps? Punish it, for it has been bad. 🙂
    Back to work, but I hope it shows itself soon.

  10. OMGosh, I nearly fell off my chair laughing so hard…my kids are looking at me like I’ve really lost it this time. Thank you for the great laugh…I needed it.

  12. After laughing so hard at your post that I spit all over my monitor, the guys who work with me are now totally convinced that I am a complete nut-case! (“Not only does she knit, she’s now laughing for no apparent reason. Take away her needles before she hurts someone!”)
    I hope that “Jephyr Zephyr” shows up soon!

  13. oh my stephanie, you do know how to make others knitters laugh. But I do share your frustration about yarn that absolutely has to be there but also cannot under any circumstances be located.

  17. Go on, Steph, tell it how you really feel. 😉
    I’m sorry your yarn is being illusive. Go off and do something else for a while. It will turn up as soon as you quit thinking about it.
    Good luck,
    mk

  20. I remember that Zephyr, the pretty Ice Blue, right? I am sure it will (make it’s way into my stash) turn up soon. What shawl are you going to (long for) knit it into (if you ever find it) when it reappears?
    Next-does your comment thingee allow html?

  21. Who among us hasn’t been there? You’re just able to say it better. Thanks for a great morning pick-me-up! ;o)
    You know that the minute you start another project its pathetic little fibers will suddenly appear.

  23. This hide-and-seek game drives me crazy,too. The yarn is the worst, but sometimes patterns and knitting books like to play it, too. Ack!

  24. You know that Zephyr is gigling away, running around the house, entering into every place you just looked, keeping one step behind you, all the while, picking up dust balls, stickers (if you have kids, you have stickers in your house), and assorted other crap.
    I agree with the other posters – order more. It’s a sure way to find the existing stuff.

  28. I did a similar, although, much more subdued search in my house for a certain pattern. I looked everywhere, and again several times in frustration. Finally, when I was about to abandon the search, I found it. The trick was, I thought I knew exactly what it looked like, but apparently not. It was right where it should have been, and I missed seeing it many times. Good luck!

  29. Maybe Jephyr is its first name. You could call it Jeph for short. Hmm. That’s kinda cute, actually. Come on, Jeph! Come out from your hiding place!

  30. Order more- or better yet, order something else totally decadent- then, as you knit with that, be sure to (loudly) comment on how much nicer it is working with (such and such) rather than that natty zephyr stuff- then, as it’s squirming in its insulted-fiber anger- you should be able to spot it, and after a week or 2 of sulking, it should be ready to be knit into whatever lovely creation you had in mind originally.

  31. Just wait, the baby blanket will send you a ransom note – it must have kidnapped the Zephyr when it heard that you were going to abandon (set aside) it for a shawl or two!

  33. Oh, Stephanie! That was a hysterical post! I hope the missing yarn shows up soon…unless it is too embarrassed now to show its sorry face.
    P.S. Have you asked the cat about the yarn’s fate yet?

  34. Like Sweet Carline’s, my co-workers are now quite concerned about my sanity after hearing the manic giggles I was trying unsuccessfully to subdue while reading this post. One rather timidly remarked that she was ‘glad to see I was obviously feeling so much better…’ (recent tonsillectomy. not pretty at my age)
    I personally find a large dose of wine to be extraordinarily helpful in situations like this! I have to say though, if I were the Zephyr, I’d be too scared to show my fuzzy little hide at this point.

  35. It could’t help itself. Most know that a zephyr is a west wind, but it is also any of various light, soft fabrics, yarns, or garments (so far, so good) or (and here’s the rub) any airy, insubstantial, or passing thing! IT WAS NEVER THERE! BUYING IT WAS ALL A %*&#@ WOOL-FUME INDUCED DREAM! Or not, in which case it will turn up in someone’s sweaty gym bag, French horn case, or wrapped around the innards of some electronic whosie-whatsit. Ignore it for a day or so and it’ll probably creep back all “hey, did you miss me…”

  36. Has it occurred to no one that maybe it’s not the poor little Jeph’s fault that it can’t come when called?
    That maybe it’s trapped behind some towering cones of sock yarn or squooshed under some SuperMegaUltraChunkyBulky and can’t get out?
    What if it’s calling mummy and, when finally freed, will be so grateful it will cuddle under your chin and will have no knots and will knit up beautifully?
    Just another point of view, that’s all. Must consider all possibilities.

  38. Oh Dear. And this does not bode well for a stress-free knitting process of whatever insanely complicated pattern you have picked out for this particular skein of yarn.
    If I could strikeout text in comments I would. Pretend I never said that. B/c now I’m sure that whatever knitting stress ensues will be MY fault.
    😀

  39. Snigger.
    I do this with patterns, which I never use anyway, i just want to look at them.

  40. At least we do not ever have to worry about you keeping your true feelings “bottled up”! I agree with the others, order some more and it will turn up as the package hits your mailbox.

  41. O.K. let’s see, check your luggage. Did you check Ken’s bag? Ask the kids if there is anything they want to tell you, then ask the cat. You’ll probably get the same reply but it’s worth a shot. Hmmm, the garage? the trunk of the car? It will show up, I’m sure. Until then there’s always the baby blanket. He, he, right? not she, she.

  43. Stop, you’re killing me, I can’t read any more. Actually tanks man I needed that. I soooo understand your plight.I know that my yarn can’t hear me calling it, but that does not stop me. Sometimes it works most times it does not. poop. Good luck in your quest for sanity. Lulu

  44. I’m with Mary and Heather.
    Order more. In the exact same color and a few others for good measure. It’ll turn up for sure then. (I use Zephyr all the time. It’s playful and loves to hide. Until you order more. Then it gets jealous and can’t wait to be found.) LOL.

  46. I had some deceitful beads and metallic floss for my cross stitch which did exactly the same thing. I turned the house upside down looking for them. Ordered another set and presto, there they were right in my basket all the time. And I know perfectly well they weren’t there when I was looking for them. Go figure! Anybody need any spare Delica beads??

  47. Have you checked the freezer? It’s my personal box of failed and forgotten ice-burned dreams so I never store yarn there, but you’ve said you do.
    Good luck Ms. Harlot, because with all the nasty things you’ve said/thought about it I’ll be surprised if it ever comes out of hiding!

  48. Um, you haven’t already made something with it, have you? I did that once, looked everywhere for yarn I *knew* I had, that I’d already knitted up & given away.

  49. Why, I do declare! It appears Mizz Stephanie learned to open up a can of whup-ass during her trip Down South!
    I wish I could send my husband to you–he could find that yarn in 5 minutes, no matter how well it’s hidden itself. He’s just like that. Drives me crazy.

  50. I’m crying here from laughing so hard. I cannot believe the nerve of the little hussy. Hiding from you like that. I’m not sure it deserves to be knit into a pretty shawl. Maybe something like a kitty bed or an outdoor blanket. I hope your letter shamed it into showing itself post haste.

  51. It was the ‘wind your balls so tight that you beg for mercy’ part that just about killed me.
    Then the comment about asking Mr. Washie – the controlling bastard was too much.
    Must try to remember how one breathes before work…
    Good luck!

  52. Dear Stephanie- Don’t feel too bad. I lost a RED PEPPER the other day. That’s when you know you’ve really gone mad. I call it the household Black Hole where mysterious things disappear, never to be seen again. The Zephyr probably had bad karma anyway. Onward and upward……

  54. Find some beautiful lace weight yarn in your stash and knit something extravagent with it. Once you have established it and pronounced your love for it Zephyr should reappear and demand your attention. Punish it for continuing to hide after you asked it nicely to come out since the game of hide and seek was over, by placing it with a good view of your new knitting project. Bad yarn must be shown that you are in control and cannot be manipulated.
    T

  55. This happens to me constantly, although not often with yarn. My stash hasn’t gotten *that* big yet!
    Now that I live in an apartment with 2 floors and an upper storage room (aka the cats’ place), the search takes ages with much running up and down and cursing.
    Just recently I spent a good hour looking for ribbon that I knew I had placed back in storage with the gift wrap… or in the clothes closet with the yarn… or downstairs with the craft projects.
    I dread to think what it will be like when I have a house!

  56. Strange – just this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, I had to sew a button on my shorts – and I found one! (Admittedly I just cut it off another pair of pants, but…) So therefore, your yarn’s entry into the black hole has dislodged other items. For this we thank you. Your loss is my gain.
    And I thought Jepphyr was kinda cute.

  57. You know “wind your balls so tight you beg for mercy” could *really* be misconstued. Can I read this at work?

  58. I’m afraid this is Standard Operating Procedure chez rams — though that makes me more sympathetic, not less. (Like a blow on a bruise every time it happens.) Therefore I cherish stories of Even Worse situations than mine: the friend of a friend, for example, who once lost a dozen cupcakes on her kitchen counter.
    My theory, having seen the picture you posted of that hank, (Hank, Jef — maybe it’s having an identify crisis?) is that it’s too friggerty big to see. Try backing up, say, to the back of the garden, with something to help you focus. Shiraz is good.

  59. Did you look under the couch? Between the seat cushions (maybe the yarn eloped with the remote control…)? Behind the TV? In the luggage that you had with you when you bought it? I know when I lose something, the more ridiculous place I look, the more likely it is to be there.

  60. Yarn gremlins go for tacky and shiny…maybe they are holding your Zephyr hostage until you get them some Red Heart Mexicali or some shiny eyelash or something. You could get some and leave it out for a sacrifice, maybe?

  62. A quick prayer to St. Anthony has always worked in my house. He can locate anything – though his specialty for me seems to be car keys!

  63. Oooooo! Naughty, naughty yarn. I think the idea of making it watch you knit something else once it has surfaced is a good one. You let it know who’s boss! Of course, since this is part of daily existance here chez Fishie, I can feel your pain. Just glad I can read about it too! Sometimes I find a good Shiraz helps to channel the missing yarn…

  64. Try muttering “Good St. Anthony come around, something’s lost and can’t be found.” a couple of times. It works. I have no idea why, and it offends my mostly rational soul, but there you have it.
    You could also just give up, go do something else, and the little bastard’ll pop up in plain view at some later time. That’s the part that always stings the worst, too. You tear the house apart looking for it, you can SWEAR it wasn’t sitting right there in front of you, and there it is on the counter. Or the desk. Or the table. Or some other unencumbered flat surface.
    Good luck!

  65. Hm, under or in the couch is a common hiding place for my knitting scissors. I also leave stuff in unlikely pockets of suitcases, or in the car.
    It is a Zephyr. Maybe it blew away.

  66. I see that you had it in the livingroom. For me, this would mean pulling the cushions off the chesterfield, then stuffing my hand down all those cracks at the side and back where errant potato chips and jellybeans hide. Also lying on the floor and peering under the chesterfield. If it isn’t there then call the cops as clearly it has been stolen.
    Barb B.

  68. OMG I’m laughing so hard, my stomach hurts. I feel your pain completely, I recently had this happen with a certain knitting book, which I knew I owned (had used many times) and *knew* beyond a shadow of a doubt where it was…or so I thought.
    I searched everywhere, bookcases, knitting trunk, knitting bags, my desk, my car…EVERYWHERE! I needed it desperately. It was gone. I assumed the kids had destroyed it… Bought another copy and….lo & behold it appears. In my…*gasp* knitting bag! I looked there, I did I did I did! Damn it! I could have spent the money on yarn, but nooooooooooo, I had to buy another book.
    Oh well, I ended up giving my old naughty copy to my sister and keeping the new one for me. 😛 (She has 4 boys, giving her the brand new one would have been begging for it to be destroyed!)
    Diana

  69. You crack me up. Fortunately, my labmates are cackling about some salacious experiment by German researchers, so they didn’t notice that I was snorting with laughter over here.

  72. “White hot yarn fury” is my new favorite phrase. I am, at this moment, composing the punk album that goes with that title.
    Sorry to hear that achieving escape velocity from the black hole of Birch accidentally opened up a wormhole in the time-space continuum. I’m sure the yarn is desperately trying to cross the galaxy to be by your side. Perhaps the cat knows something?

  73. Reading this, I wondered if perhaps the Zephyr (being a westerly wind and all) was jealous of all of the travelling that some lucky socks have been doing. I checked my stash here and Vancouver, and you can rest assured that if it is in fact zipping around the country that it has not made it this far west. Yet.

  75. Stephanie: Here’s a tip for finding lost things (I’m serious, now): Go back to the first place you looked and this time do a better job of looking. This works for me about 80% of the time. Good luck, Sue

  76. Places one must always look for wretched misplaced items that are surely hiding out to cause the demise of one’s sanity:
    1. Between the bed and the night-table.
    2. In the freezer.
    3. Beside the washer and dryer or laundry room in general.
    4. In the front pocket of your suitcase.
    5. Through all the bags in the recycling area.
    6. Behind the couch.
    7. In the dog’s / cat’s bed.
    8. In whatever place the children’s favorite toys (usually Barbie, that hag) reside.
    9. In the hall closet, tucked inside a winter boot.
    10. Under the computer desk.
    These spaces have, in the past, yielded many of my errant posessions. I wish you luck. And I hope that skein of yarn has the decency to hang its head in shame and remorse when you find it. I don’t think it realizes how well you’ll treat it once your initial indignation has worn off.

  78. Sounds like a staff meeting at my job. The thing that will make it show, of course, is to order a new skien. DO NOT let it know that it is not the same dyelot, ya, perhaps not even the same color. just order it, and shortly after your card is charged, the errant skien will appear on your pillow. The downside is that you will have more yarn come in the mail. Wait, that’s an upside. No downside.

  79. ooh that evil yarn. All my sympathies.
    I once had the pattern for a beaded lace christening gown hide from me when the gown was half completed. Of course I had purchased it in the UK from a British yarn company. After I got up at the insane time of 3 am to make the international call to the manufacturer on the (relatively) cheap night long distance rates, the lovely thing (showed itself) came out of hiding about a week later.
    On the other hand I will always say nice things about that company. With only a verbal description of which pattern it was, they managed to send me the right pattern and didn’t even charge for it.

  80. Some of my memorable lost items:
    – A dandelion weeder. It showed up nine months later outside a Great Canadian Bagel Co franchise, under the bonnet of my car when I had to get a jump start for a dead battery. Some day I’m going to write a story that explains how a dandelion weeder made it into my car’s engine, but I haven’t figured out all of details yet…
    – Two snakes, several lizards and a mole, all of which (on seperate occasions) ended up in piles of laundry.
    – Two christmas presents. They disappeared from the table during the whole Wrapping Extravaganza. Children were assumed to be involved in the disappearance (they were here, now they’re not. Who else would have moved them?). Said children were offered unconditional amnesty and heavy bribes to locate the missing objects. The house was turned upside down as we all searched, and when nothing showed up, the children were offered similarly sized objects and promises of rewards if they could hide the decoys anywhere they couldn’t be found. Everything was found except the presents. We eventually gave up, bought replacement presents (at great difficulty and undue expense), and the missing presents showed up on Christmas day, having spontaneously jumped into an unrelated sweater box and been wrapped and delivered to the wrong person.
    – A baby possum, which, being alive when released indoors by the cat, was eventually assumed to have moved itself out of the house, and turned out not to have.
    Based on these experiences, my best advice would be:
    – Assume the inexplicable
    – Check your laundry
    – Buy replacements
    – Above all else, be grateful that even if your yarn has crawled into inaccessible spaces, it will not expire and decay odoriferously.

  81. Breathing…halted…must…cease…laughing!
    ~scenes of Roger Rabbitt Weasels run through my dying brain, to wit: “Stop! That! LAUGHING!!!!”~

  82. How about the sleeves and pockets of the winter coats in your house?
    (She asks timidly, since she is now kinda scared of incurring the Wrath of Steph…)

  83. If you find out where it’s hiding, please let me know! I’ve managed to lose the little cosmetic bag I carry everywhere with my scissors, darning needles, stitch markers, etc., and a set of size 2 US Brittany DPNs that I really need to make a pair of socks. Otherwise I am going to have to yank another pair of size 2 DPNs from a different pair of socks I really don’t want to finish first!

  85. Jeez, if i were that yarn i’d probably never show myself again. Hell hath no fury like a knitter scorned, or something like that.
    Bless you for making me laugh so hard. My co-workers are now convinced that i’m disturbed. i literally laughed so hard i cried. thank you thank you thank you.
    Oh, and good luck finding the Zephyr!

  87. Here’s a thought… you bought it on a trip, it came back with you on said trip, it would have come in with the luggage and laundry.
    Try the bags you used that trip, try the laundry pile. it might have got scooped up in it.
    Seems to me it’s probably not in a yarn place.
    All else fails try the fridge… it’s where I always look for lost things.. the phone, my pen… just normal chemo brain.. i hope it goes away soon.

  88. It’s there, somewhere, in the spot you knew it couldn’t possibly be (and therefore, didn’t check). But now I really want to hear about all those friends (i.e. skeins of wool) that you forgot you had but found again while searching for the elusive Zephyr.
    Of course, I have never had such an experience (ha – anyone who knows me knows that isn’t true).

  89. Oh, Steph…too, too, too, TOO funny (your Zephyr verbal thrashing, not the fact that you can’t find the fiend). Seriously, try St. Anthony. It works! We entreat him so often in our family that my mom calls him “Tony”.

  90. NOTHING puts me into a craze more than NOT being able to find something that i KNOW is there. See, I’m getting mad and it’s not even my yarn. The answer will come to you in a dream tonight. I promise.

  91. Thank Steph, I just snorted grape soda out my nose and my boss think I’m having a seizure. Honestly St. Anthony works for me especially when chanted at night before one falls asleep. Found a set of lost keys that way once. In the back seat of a car I never ride in the back of. Not sure how the keys got there, stuffed way down between the seats.
    Good luck.

  92. Could the Zephyr have changed form on you? It may be a yarn that you gave to the HankMan for fun with the ball winder.
    Maybe it got used for a quick project, thus forgotten. The Mobius Scarf? Yummy purple, lovely lace – could it be?
    Or gifted to the MFS efforts?
    Good luck.

  93. when the naughty yarn shows up, see if there is one ball of muench touch me with it. of course in a discontinued color. good luck!

  94. rolling on the floor laughing myself sillier than usual…but i understand this soooooo well…chances are good that it’s in hiding/cahoots with my half-pair-of-half-finished-birthday-socks-that-were-due-in-march-and-have-vanished-without-a-trace…if you see it would you send it home please? 😉
    try the microwave…found a pair of glasses in one once *rolls eyes*

  95. Some Zephyr has entered my life today and it has not left my sight all day. If mine disappears tonight and you suddenly find yours. . . .hmmmmmm … .

  96. The fish took it. You’ll have to order more. But get it in a different colour, because then when the fish cries uncle and gives it back (just put a bottle of bleach near the tank, that ought to be enough of a threat), then you can have two projects worth of Zephyr. And that’s not such a bad deal, eh?
    Damned fish…

  97. big dancer by Lories son…
    (>’.’)>(>’.’\/)(>’.'<)(/\’.’/\) . dance dance dance… I spend 2 much time on the computer… its sad… really sad.. it could make a kid cry…

  98. OUCH. 🙂
    haha! See? All it took was a wee bit of a verbal, public lashing and it RAN out of it’s hiding spot. Didn’t seem so superiour when it’s balls were threatened, now did it??
    hee!
    Thank you from the bottom of my harried little heart. You know what I mean too. don’t deny it!
    🙂
    Toasting to Steph with some pasta salad.
    ugh.

  99. Must take notes on writing a most superior threatening letter. Your skills never cease to inspire! Don’t forget to breathe while you look and threaten and curse (use unladylike language!)!

  100. A breathtakingly delightful antidote to an arse of a day. Thank you for being such a breath of fresh air.

  101. Steph, I’m convinced it’s hiding in the woods with my stitch markers. They’ve run off together. Nevermind how your yarn got down here to run off with them, just accept that it’s happened. And if I get my hands on my stitch markers, I shall send your yarn home post haste.

  102. I know where it is. Have you looked in the crock pot or other cooking pots under the stove? I don’t think many knitters have the time to spend cooking, so those are logical stash expansion areas…maybe you forgot or else the wandering yarn knew you’d *never* look there.
    Hey, it’s not fair! Some of you get to read knit blogs at work!

  104. And when you find that nasty yarn interogate it well, maybe it knows where my ‘Socks, socks, socks’ book is that i’ve been missing for several years!

  105. I think my missing collection of 16″ circs have run off with Jephyr Zephyr in a fit of pique over the amount of acrylic hats I’ve been knitting this year. They’re coiling around it and calling it “Preciousssss” and promising all manner of dark and twisted things if it will just let them cast on it’s soft and fluffy silkiness. A gold ring and a blond elf should take care of the problem, but if not, cast on something particularly breathtaking and make the JZ really jealous.

  106. Give it a year or two. Find another yarn to do that pattern in and start it. Then the Zephyr will turn up. That’s how long it took to find the pattern book I sought…and once I got my own sewing/fiber/craft room, it’s turned up, completely happy, on the counter of said room. Sigh.

  107. That is one dammed deceitful skein. Shame!
    I hope you give it an attitude adjustment when it finally shows its, er face.
    Yah, you tell em.

  108. I hope your missing yarn reappears… though I’m not sure who’s going to get the joyous homecoming! 🙂

  109. I dearly love your rants & raves. You make my day. Is it because you speak so clearly to my own knitting life?? Zephyr is my favorite yarn and it has disappeared from my (rather considerable) stash, too….more than once, I might add!! Is it…dare I say it…bad yarn?

  110. The boss is going to appear any minute and discover I’ve been “yarnharlotting” on work time. I’ve been successful for quite a while now, but the collapsed laughing on my desk routine is going to alert her. Thank you once again for brightening the day. I’m going to go home and talk nicely to my stash so it stays put.

  111. Steph, maybe the Zephyr is sacrificing itself for the countless forgotten skeins in the stash. It was young, new to the house, and the skein that’s been in the gravy boat for months (years?) said something along the lines of, “Hey, kid. You’re new, you’re soft, you’re trendy, you came from that other country down south that she keeps running off to. How abouts you take a little…vacation? Some of us, we been here a long time, and it’s about time we got our due. So get lost for a while, kay? I’ll owe you a favor.”
    Did you find any yarns that you forgot you had in in the midst of your searching frenzy and had to stop and ooh and ahh over and pet and plan for?

  113. Dear Missy Yarn Harlot (leader of knitting blogs with hundreds of comments EVERYtime),
    Yeah, it’s me, your yarn! I can see right through you…I have not been treated right therefore I must go…(hmph…think you can whine to your readers…) as far as you know you may have had me in a bag and threw me out with the trash! You know the yarn ‘rules’ in knitting land…not you! The moment you lose focus- there are consequences…let this be a warning to all you humans out there that think THEY are the rulers over yarns! I may…or may not…show up…but, in the meantime, I hope all you knitters out there refocus and realize that ALPHA yarn …is the ‘yarn’ not the humans (you only supply the money to get us)
    Forgiving but not Forgetting,
    Your Zephyr Yarn (yes, the one with the silk/merino attitude and damn proud of it!)

  114. Have you looked in the couch cushions? I *always* lose knitting stuff in the couch cushions. Also, maybe it got picked up with some laundry (heaven forbid!) and is down w/ mr. washie?… What about up? I find I tend to look “down” for lost things, but then I find them on the top of a bookshelf or something…

  115. Oh lord Harlot my family now think I am certifiable! I read this post after reading the next one ( hope your leg is feeling better) I finished up crying with laughter while surrounded by a bemused throng.They’re watching tele,I’m knitting and reading blogs

  116. 1, 2, 3, Breathe, 1 , 2, 3, Breath… I’m laughing so hard tears are streaming down my cheeks. This has makd eit more challenging than usual to read the wee print my new screen is presenting lately. I could have written this myself…. all but the particular yarn your’e seeking. Mine was a hank of silver alpaca. … but still. Thank you for putting into words exactly what I felt!
    Nowe athat you’ve found the wicked sneaky yarn, it’s likely to be safe to admit that I do know where my Zephyr is…. but what I really want is the BlueFaced Leicester that has whispered it’s ready to be a Flower Basket Shawl, but then promptly hid itself…
    inhale……
    exhale.
    okay, I think I can get back to proper funcitoning now…

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