Some Sort of Silence

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I sat down to blog this morning, and realized that I don’t have anything to say.

Actually, that couldn’t be a bigger lie. I have a ton to say.  I have a thousand words that I would love to pour out here, words about grief and loss and sad things and families and choices and there not being choices and… the upshot is that something sad and inevitable is happening to someone in our family, and we are all in a wild place. I’d love to share that. I think it would even feel good to share that, but the more I think about blogging and privacy and how much I would like to share, the more I realize that the person who is sick would not like that. They would like another sort of dignity and privacy and there is absolutely no way that I cannot honour that – or even say anything that might not totally err on the side of caution.

I’m telling you this by way of apology. I am used to sharing my life with you all here, and I like it – but this time I am going to be cagey, and I realize that is going to make this blog a little weird for a while – while things happen that I will not discuss. There will be comings and goings and I am going to do my best to be present, and share what I can, but right now it is important that I keep in my head that this is not a diary. It is a place where I share what I think and feel with very real limits, and concern for the feelings of others. I feel like I usually have great instincts about that, and I’m going to honour them.

So here is what I can tell you now. I was away. I am back. I may go away again. There is a lot of tea, and talking, and keeping things slow and close and considering the effect that my words may have on others all the time.
I am knitting, but sometimes, I just need to be still.

Blogging and privacy are tricky, and I’ve always been careful, and I’m going to be more careful now. The internet feels intimate, from this spot at my desk where I’ve always shared so much of my life with you… but it is not.
I know most of you will understand – because I bet most of you have some really strong feelings about the internet, and blogs and oversharing, and I know that sometimes I read things on blogs and think "Oh man. I wish you hadn’t permanently committed that piece of information about another person to the wilds of the world" and I bet you do too. So I won’t. 

Right?

607 thoughts on “Some Sort of Silence”

  1. A friend is someone who knows when it is right to sit silently and just be there. Good for you – take care of yourself, your friend and family and know that we are all sending along healing and peaceful thoughts.

  2. Truer words never spoken Stephanie. We’ll wait and be here when you’re back.

  3. 100% right Stephanie. Peace to you and yours. My prayers are for a peaceful passage for your loved one and for the strength to deal with it for the rest of you. Love from a small part of “the blog”

  4. You have the support and love of all of us who read your blog, and we will honour you and your loved ones by being patient and allowing you your time with those you love. Drink tea, hug everyone, and please take care of yourself. Sending thoughts of healing and peace.

  5. Family first, yourself next, internet last.
    Keep that knitting close, that’s the best connection to finding a piece of calm.

  6. My thoughts are with you and your family. My family has recently gone through what seems like a similar process and it is horribly difficult. I hope that it goes as easily and gently as it can.

  7. We’re here. We’ll see you when you can make it. We’ll keep you in our thoughts when you are away.
    Remember that you are important, and please take good care of yourself, too.

  8. Right!
    And your photography and knitting are as always lovely and more than enough. Glad to see you back.

  9. Right.
    Thank you for honoring your relationship and not sharing.
    My respect and love for you continues to grow.

  10. You have made the best and right decision. We honor you for that.
    May all of you in your family find peace and, finally, acceptance. It’s a difficult road.

  12. Right? Yes. Absolutely. And we’ll do our part by praying and sending warm thoughts to you and your family.

  13. My motto has always been if someone wants to share what is going on in her/his life, s/he will share it but it won’t come from me.

  14. Right. While you share much with us (we?), your readers, it is YOUR blog and you do always seem to know the right thing to do.
    I join those sending you sympathy and positive thoughts at a difficult time for your family.
    And, not meaning to be insensitive, but after reading through the 100’s of answers to your book question, what book(s) did you decide on?

  15. Sharing your own stuff is fine, sharing other people’s stuff is always a judgement call and you have excellent judgment. In the meantime, do you find that knitting, particularly “oatmeal” knitting, is essential to getting through difficult emotional times? I don’t think I could have managed….so many things….without my knitting.

  17. Absolutely right. Doing the right thing isn’t always the easy thing, but you know what’s right here. So do we all. And although you might like to share it all and get sympathy back, you can also just share the feeling– “I’m sad, I’m grieving”– and we’ll all just say, “We know sadness, we know grief, we can sympathize– and we do.” And that’s absolutely an OK thing to do without sharing even a detail beyond that.

  19. I understand completely. It is always easy to over share when you’re not actually “talking” to anyone. It is also difficult to want to talk about something going on in your life, but understanding that others may not wish to be spoken of in such a manner. It is never easy to watch those we love in pain or dealing with illness. But there will always be those who will be with you and have you in their thoughts and prayers.

  20. Absolutely right. Heartfelt wishes for love and strength to you and your loved ones during this difficult time. Nothing is more important than taking care of those you love, and yourself too of course. My thoughts are with you, and thank you once again for so eloquently expressing your feelings on a difficult subject.

  21. You are absolutely right. Please know that the love of all of us surrounds you. We will do anything we can, including being silent.

  22. I understand, may you and your loved ones find some peace in these trying times.

  23. find your calm place and know we are all sending you strength, love, and energy to use as you see fit. and we’ll be here when you need it. we love you, you know.

  24. Be as well as you can. Find peace where you may. Your love and your instincts are not wrong. My thoughts are with you. Blessed be.

  25. Right. Take care of you, and take care of your people. May you have grace.

  28. you are so right. there are some things that should remain private. especially when it is about someone else. hugs to you during this difficult time.

  30. Hello Steph, I am sure I say this for all of us, “Our” thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours at this time. We are here to support you, that’s what friends do right?!
    I remember when my family and friends were going through a rough time like you and your family seem to be going through now. You know what I found important, memories. Those you have, those you had and those you still have time to make. No matter how short that time is. You can be the support person, strong and quiet and calm but you can also help make things memorable. It helps to ease the situation and also the pain of a dear one.
    Hope this helps in some small way. And this deary is for you *hugs*

  31. I am very sorry that you are at this place. I have enjoyed your blogs (even the ones aobut liberal politics) and have learned a lot from you. You have brightened my day, and given me a lot to think about, even if it is funny most of the time. A blog is yours to give. I respect you and hope that you can work through this private issue. As one of your readers, don’t worry, we are here for you.

  32. Passages are private things and you are honoring your loved one by keeping it just that. No explanations necessary. Wishing peace to you and those around you. We will be here….

  33. Stephanie, you have no obligation to share anything with me or the world. I take what you give me and respect you for what you give me and what you keep for yourself. I wish you and your family peace.

  34. Hi from your Vermont high priestess pal….
    Thanks for checking in, and for your good instincts.
    And thanks for that perfect fern photo.
    All things are opening and unfurling, and
    all things are changing all the time.
    Prayers and love to your family in this
    time and space. xoxo

  35. Very right you are. Sending you and your family healing thoughts for peace and strength. I always learn something from your thoughtful, patient words.
    Thank you

  36. 100% the right choice. Thinking of you and your family.

  38. Exactly right. You do what you need to do. Lots of love and support will be coming your way during this time.

  39. I will first of all admit to a burning curiosity about what is going on and who it is going on with, because I try to be honest as much as possible and I am extremely curious about all things about people I “know” (with the realization that the sort of “knowing” one does on the internet is really not knowing someone. If I saw you out in public you would have absolutely no clue who I was and I’m OK with that).
    That being said though – I feel you are doing the absolute right thing by not sharing someone else’s business. While it affects you, and affects what you are doing, it is primarily theirs and if they would not want it publicly discussed or announced, then don’t.
    I also appreciate the way that you so eloquently manage to share that you’d like to share with us but why you can’t and that you let the community that reads and visits here know that you care about us (excepting the trolls who happen by on occasion). I also think that you are aware that the 97% of us who aren’t trolls care back and support your decisions and hope and pray and send our absolute best and warm knitterly hugs that this time will be the best it possibly can be for all.

  40. Public attention for what ever reason means you are always in public view.While most would respect times of privacy others just need to know all.
    Things like this will/have come to us all in life so we can understand your need for privacy.
    AND that’s just fine!!!!
    We can be like old friends and catch up down the road when you can laugh again.

  41. absolutely right. right on. know that, as i’m sure others would agree, our collective thoughts and well wishes are with you.

  42. Indeed. The only “person” I’ve over-shared about is my Afghan Hound and my Basset Hound. The rest I play very close to the vest.
    My thoughts are with you, and hope for strength and peace for your family, too.

  43. Take care of those who need it most… not one of which is any of us. We’ll be here when you’re ready. My thoughts are with you and yours.

  45. Hugs to you and yours, there’s love beaming in from all over the world, will be thinking about you xx

  47. I hope it helps you to know how much I am thinking about you and your family.

  48. All you have to say is “Hard stuff going on. Back soon.” and we’ll knit and be glad you see you when you’re ready, chickie. Nobody needs to know nuthin’.

  49. I send my good wishes and love too. A good piece of advice I was given when our family was going through a very difficult time with illness and hospital visits was,” Remember to eat. Try to eat with other people so that you are encouraged to eat enough to keep your strength up to deal with whatever happens”. It helped a lot!
    I think you have chosen the right course with regards to privacy. We will all wait for you as long as is necessary.

  50. It’s time to take care of your family right now. Thoughts and prayers with you all.

  51. You don’t owe us an apology. We love you. I’m so sorry for your heartache. I’ll keep sending good thoughts.

  52. Amen. Good for you. Good luck with whatever comes. We should all be thankful that many painful events are private. We’ll be glad to see you when you’re ready.

  53. Trust your instincts. All the best wishes for you and your family at this difficult time.

  54. Right. Oh, yes. Keep going, one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one stitch at a time.

  59. Words are inadequate for times like this. I can only say that I hope you and your family’s pain ends soon and that you all know peace.

  60. You never have to apologize to us for anything that happens on your blog. Your blog is amazing – beautifully written, consistent beyond belief, funny, informative and oftentimes moving. I’ve loved the little glimpses we’ve had into your family – sharing your wedding, the bike rides, some holidays – all of it perfectly appropriate. It’s made me love your family a whole lot from my seat on the sidelines. However, this situation sounds like a whole other thing. I would let the person who is sick dictate your choices. You can also write the daily blog you want to write – but you don’t have to post it. Save it.
    I wish you and your family comfort and peace. I’m sending good wishes your way.

  61. Whatever it is, here’s a hug from me to you. Sounds like you could use one. Feel free to pass it along.

  63. You’re 100% right in keeping some things private if you feel that is what is correct. And for what it’s worth I think you are.

  64. Your last post made it pretty clear that you’ll be experiencing a loss soon. So feel the feelings, knit something unchallenging to carry you through and we’ll be here when you’re ready.

  65. Right. You have lots of support “out here.” We’ll be here. You take care of what you need to do.

  66. Blessings of love to you and yours. I’ll still be here when you get back. Take all the time you need.

  67. I understand how you feel. When my husband was battling cancer, he didn’t want anyone to know because he didn’t want people to look at him differently. So, for 3 years, until he lost that awful battle, only a very select handful of very, very close friends and family knew. It was what he wanted and that was thrones most important thing. It was hard to go on as if nothing was wrong for such a long time but those were his wishes. Love to you and your loved ones.

  68. You have said enough. Trust your instincts.
    I’m sorry that you and your family is dealing with a loved one’s illness.
    I wish I could give you a hug and help you feel better.
    If you feel like it, write in your own personal diary – words that no one but you will ever see.

  70. Comforting and loving thoughts are with you and your family.
    Please do not feel obligated to tell us every part of your life. We love your writing, your knitting, and your spirit. We are your friends, happily listening to what you wish to share, but we are not entitled to what you wish (and deserve) to keep private.

  73. Get a big beautiful journal – one big enough to hug! Get a colored pen & commit it all to paper. Sometimes you just have to share or you’ll bust, when you do, share it with your journal. It can give you comfort, it can bring you peace but mostly it gives you blank pages to pour out your feelings where it’s safe. It keeps your head & your heart from exploding with wanting & needing while you need it without comment or advice. Peace, Stephanie.

  74. It’s a privilege and an honor to walk besides someone you love as they travel their last few miles. It’s not for public consumption. You’re doing the right and honorable thing.

  75. I’m sorry that you’re hurting and I’m sending you love. I completely understanding wanting to write about things and not doing so in a public sphere.
    Love to all of you. We miss you, come back when you’re ready to.

  76. You need to do whatever you need to do to get through. Just know there is so much positive and loving energy heading to you and your family.

  79. You’re doing the right thing. It’s more important that the limited amount of time left to this person be respected, and your time to come to terms with it be respected too.
    We’ll be here when you come back.

  81. I’m sorry to hear about your sorrow. Sending warm thoughts your way…also, like many others before have said, writing is cathartic and therapeutic, so do it in your own personal journal in your own personal way. Be well.

  82. I understand and I’m absolutely sure the vast majority of your readers do as well.
    Your post really resonates with me because (especially as regards the internet) I tend to be both very open about some things in a way which surprises others, and intensely, intensely private (I will easily and openly discuss “taboo” subjects, but you will almost never, ever hear a word from me about my personal feelings or things which are impacting me the most on a personal level).
    Sometimes it’s a weird position to be in.
    I also get that it’s *really* hard to talk about *something else* when there’s only one thing on your mind and you can’t talk about that.
    “The Blog” understands. Please let your family know we’re thinking of them in what is clearly a difficult time.

  83. heartfelt prayers and transmission of compassion and peace from this corner. no need for you to say anything more. i love that you are working with green… very calming.

  84. Well stated Stephanie. There is an interesting short lecture (TED talks) about electronic tattoos many people should see. By the way, did you choose a book from the list?
    Peace to you and yours in this time of parting.

  85. “Caim: (n.) lit. “sanctuary”; an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, that reminds you that you are safe and loved, even in the darkest times.”
    Know that while you are providing caim to your loved ones, we are silently offering it to you. Whatever you choose to share is fine, including sharing nothing at all.

  86. You have taught us so much about the joys and sorrows of life. This posting teaches us still. Thank you for what you write and what you don’t write.
    Of course, the Blog has also written with feeling and beauty how we support you with our affirmation, thoughts and prayers. I hold you in my heart during this difficult time. Do what needs to be done, breathe deep, sit In silence and with friends and remember that laughter and tears both heal.

  87. Absolutely right. Sending thoughts and prayers in your direction from Oklahoma.
    -Maddy

  89. You are so very wise and so very right. I have had experiences with grave illness in my family. Many, many moments of quiet reflection while sitting beside their beds. Please remember to take care of yourself during this as well…and we’ll wait patiently for you to return to us while sending healing, loving thoughts your way.

  90. We have all been there. You do what is right for you and yours — and know that, even though it’s that weird internet thing — there are a lot of folks out here who are keeping you in their hearts. Courage and love to you and your family.

  91. I absolutely respect your needing to keep the information you have private, choosing to share your own information is a valid choice which you can make, in an enlightened way, in all the forums that you interact in, in person and virtually. Sharing information about a third party, whether that be glad, sad, bad or any combination, is sharing information that is not yours to share, and how could we not understand you making that choice.
    *hugs* – to you and yours, be safe.

  92. Right. Sending a virtual hug to a person I’ve never met and wishing there were some way to ease the process. Do what needs to be done.

  95. When someone you love is sick, even dying, that person and his or her feelings or life must take center stage. When my father was dying, he wanted no one to know. It was hard feeling like it was my mom and me alone dealing with it. The only people that knew were my very closest friends and my boss, so I could take time off when I needed to.
    I don’t regret for a minute letting his feelings and wishes come first. He was able to face the end of his life on his own terms, with the people he chose to be around him and share his last days with him. His last words to me were “I love you too, girl”.
    Don’t apologize for making these days about the people closest to you and especially the person spending his or her last days on Earth. Make these days count in the best way you can, so that when you look back, you never regret a moment of them. I’d rather you think “I wish I had told my blog friends this” instead of “I wish I hadn’t shared that on the Internet”.
    Hugs and love, to you. We’ll be here when you’re back and ready to blog normally. We’re not going anywhere. 🙂

  97. I’m sure I’m guilty of over-sharing — and sharing information that is not mine but profoundly affects me nonetheless — though have become much more private and cagey, as you say. It’s tough when one is used to living so much of life out loud. I’m in a similar circumstance as you right now and it’s hard not to feel muffled… or weird.
    I hope for the best, peace and love, for you and your people.

  98. Absolutely right! Thank you for the wonderful fern photo… it says so much. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family. We’ve all been there (or will be there) at some point in our lives.

  99. You have told us all we need to know, in just the right amount of words. Many of us have been where you are. I hope that you have been able to find a book to read to your loved one or some other way to convey comfort. Sometimes just being there is best. We will be here when you’re ready to come back.

  100. I have recently started to read your blog and became addicted. At first it was because of the humor, but when reading your blog or book, I realize how much of me is represented in your writings about knitting….and that I’m not crazy. So I can easily understand your need to keep what is yours private. Hoping the comments posted will give you some solace, and will wait till you are ready to return.

  101. you are a wonderful strong woman whom I deeply admire. you can get through this difficult time, because you have the love of your family holding everyone together. I wish you well, because there isn’t anything else that I can do for you. /hugs/ I will keep you in my thoughts.

  102. You don’t have to feel bad or guilty for not sharing a very private thing. We all understand and support you and your loved ones. My heart hurts for you.
    Most of us haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you in person, but I know I can probably speak for all of us when I say that we know you, love you, and feel like you are family.
    Prayers all around.

  103. We feel your pain and hope you feel our support. You don’t have to share but we do appreciate you checking in because we care about you. Green is good. Remind yourself that spring is a new beginning. As for your loved one, this is not the end. There is more.
    Pax vobiscum.

  104. I will simply keep you and your loved ones in my prayers. May this be a holy time for you all.

  105. You are missed and we enjoy that you share your life online, but it is totally appropriate that you can not share someone else’s life online. You should leave us behind for a time and spend time with your loved one in person – that is what matters the most. We will be waiting when you return. I will also be praying for peace, comfort, and courage for your family during this difficult season.

  106. Right. The world and the readers of your blog do not have to know every detail of your life – only that part of it you feel comfortable enough to share. Take care, use your stillness to bring peace to you and the one(s) suffering.

  109. Once upon a time a child was pestering his mother for details about someone else. In a firm but kind voice she responded… “it’s not my story to tell.” The (many faceted) meaning of that response stayed with me & over the years I’ve found them coming to mind & saying those very words when an occasion called for it. I’ve experienced the same thoughtful integrity, wisdom & honoring of relationships & hearts while reading YH. This time is important in so many ways. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.

  111. I think it is selfless to keep your loved one’s confidence when you would prefer to share and seek comfort from the masses.
    Peace and love to you and yours.

  112. It is an awesome reponsibility to accompany someone on this journey. You are making the right choice about privacy and boundaries.

  113. I also understand. I totally get it to. I to have a very sick person in my life. I have to keep their privacy. It is my duty not to put out on the internet what is going on. Granted in some ways it would be wonderful to have the support of others there for me. But it would not be worth upsetting someone I love for it. So I keep it to my self and with in my family and close friends.
    Prayers for you and your family and friend though this. Sometimes its not a good thing to reveal every thing in your life. HUGS>

  115. Of course you’re right, and no one would expect any more from you. This is your own personal, private time and I hope that you can draw strength from your friends and family close by, as well as those of us who are scattered here and there across the internet. Do not hurry back. We’ll all still be here.

  116. I hope you feel this love…but how could you not? These well-wishes are choking me up. Tell us about the pretty green thing when you get a chance.

  117. Thank you for sharing this space, and really quite a lot of your life. I love that you share intimate parts of yourself and your family here (I love seeing what your holiday parties look like, for example), but I love most the fact that you don’t post unless you have something to say. Everything is thoughtful, even if it’s thoughtful randomness. Peace and loving thoughts to you and your family.

  119. Praying for you all – for peace with what is to come – for love to be shared and cherished – for a calmness and stillness in all hearts concerned.

  120. Absolutely right – do what’s right for you and those you love. Hold them close until you can’t. We will be here to love you when you return.

  121. Right. I admire your stand on honouring the wishes of others and standing by a loved one in this time of need and placing their hopes, and needs before yours. I don’t think do so will make this blog weird or feel differently in any way. This is what many of us have come to love about your blog. The simple caring. Go, be quiet and present in the times that require such, and joyous and light bearing in the others. Even if to be so you have to travel the dark and bear the tears

  122. I too hope that you feel the love that is all around you because sometimes love is all we have to give to each other. It is OK to be still. It is OK to carefully choose words. It is a reminder to all of us to live carefully. I hope you find the peace in quietness that you seek.

  125. “The Blog” wishes your loved one a dignified journey…and may you and your family find peace in knowing that we care and will support all of you.
    …though we will miss you.
    Real people and families come way ahead of us in the “virtual world”.

  128. “The Blog” could also “write” a column or two. We did a fine job with “last books”…you could send us off on one of those once a week.
    I still need to go back and jot down some titles/authors.

  129. Praying for grace and for comfort as you go through this sacred time with your loved one. Go do whatever is necessary. We’ll be here when you get back.

  130. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. There is a place and a time for everything.

  132. Sounds like this might be a good time to knit a prayer shawl or a sweater big enough for two? Take care of yourself and your family and we will survive, too.

  135. big hugs (kind of weird internet hugs, such as they are 🙂 ) and much love to you all.

  136. Can you tell us which books you bought and which books you didn’t buy but still thought were interesting?

  137. I think everyone appreciates your honesty with this.
    You’re spot-on with what you’re doing, and honoring the person involved, and their journey.
    My that person, you and yours, receive all the love, support, and strength you need.

  138. You are absolutely right. We don’t need to know everything. Be gentle with yourself and all of those whom you love. We’ll be waiting here for you when you’re ready to come back.

  140. No need to apologize; I admire you for honoring your relationship and your friend.
    The greens are lovely. Plants and yarn.

  141. Right. Boundaries, especially privacy ones must be respected. If we do not respect other’s boundaries, how can we expect others to respect ours? Thank you for setting the bar high for the rest of us.
    Please take care of yourself through these difficult times. You will need your strength for what ever comes next.

  142. Thank you for the beautifully peaceful pictures of ferns and plants and knitting. Thank you, too, for knowing that we’ll wait patiently with prayers and kind thoughts for you and your loved one. As EZ would say, “Knit on with confidence and hope through all crises.”

  143. Respectfully, I think you mean, “There’s nothing you CAN say,” not “you don’t have anything to say.” Been there, done that,and the T-shirt sucks, but it keeps us protected, just when we need to be.
    Discretion is indeed the better part of valor. No apology needed.

  146. Steph, I’ve been there where you are now. Please know that I’ll be thinking about you and yours, and holding you all close in my heart. Best wishes for all.

  149. Right on, good instincts. I feel for you, many of us have likely been there. It’s not fun or easy. But thoughts are you.

  151. Right. Absolutely. This is your thing, not ours, and you have the right every time you sit down to blog to share or not share whatever you please. We don’t need to know every detail of what’s going on, but please know that we share your pain and wish for better times soon for you and your family.

  152. May peace be with you and your family.
    Please know there are many people holding you and your loved ones in a special place right now. We’ll be here when you come back and wait when you need to go off again. That’s what friends do.

  153. Absolutely Steph! Well said. I send you well wishes and healing thoughts. The ones left behind often have a long road to recovery.

  154. The wonderful thing about our “friendship” -and I do feel like that is what we all are by now)is that in relationships there are times for wild joy, laughter and noise, and sometimes it is time for quiet and just beihg there for each other. Go, and do whatever you need to in your muggle life, and we will be here when you return. Peace and blessings while you are a friend to someone who you obviously care about very much.
    P

  155. Much love to you and your family, thinking peaceful thoughts for you all. Did you manage to make any book choices from the amazing list, btw?

  156. absolutely right.
    Thanks for the *gorgeous* pictures.
    To everything there is a season!

  158. Even in the midst of what can only be turmoil, you demonstrate grace and class. We can all take a lesson from that.
    Peace to you and yours.

  159. Thank you. I enjoy your blog immensely and always will, but do not feel the need to know every last detail of your life. Please be comforted by the fact that we are all not stalkers. Peace to you.

  160. I’m sorry for your troubles and wish you comfort and peace at this time. You’re right not to share too much–it’s an intensely private thing. God bless.

  164. Yes. The internet is the wide open world and it isn’t always friendly. We understand.
    Praying,
    Donya

  168. As all the others said already: Take care of yourself and take all the time and discretion you need. I lost a family member recently and it was absolutely right to dedicate my time and love and attention to them in the time left. You’ll know exactly what to do and to be, even it sometimes won’t feel that way.
    My thoughts are with you.

  169. You are so right! There is a time and place for everything, and the internet is not the place. Peace be with you and your family, and keep your knitting close.

  170. Hugs. Three years ago this month we lost our mother after the most hellish three weeks of my life–and of hers, obviously. As a writer I also had to make some decisions about what I would and would not share about the process. Perhaps something that would be helpful and supportive to you as you all go through this journey is to write down what you want/need to write down, no holds bared. But don’t share it with the world. Writers have to write, but we don’t always have to share the product.

  172. Please don’t apologize. Taking care of the ones you love and doing the right thing never needs an apology. You wouldn’t be the harlot we all love to read if you didn’t put your family/friends first. We know you will be with us whan you can.
    May this passing be gentle.

  173. I’ve just suffered a loss in my family, and I want to write about it, and I know that she wouldn’t mind, and my parents are keen for me to do it, but I can’t. I just can’t put it in black and white.
    I’m thinking of you, and sending you love from over here in the UK.

  174. You must know you have thousands upon thousands of followers who will, without question, support you through your silence. We will all wait patiently, respect your privacy and hope and wish only good things and healing for you and your close ones.

  177. Right, we know enough of the story that we know what you’re going through and that’s good enough. Consider yourself hugged.

  178. I understand. Even if it were a diary….some things cannot be written down. To write it makes it permanent and no longer private.
    -from a woman who once was a teenager with siblings that did not have a lot of respect for privacy.

  179. Wishing you warmth, peace, comfort, good judgement and company in your times of need. Sounds like you have a hard journey to walk and help others walk through. They fact that your knitting has slowed speaks volumes and the thoughts of what you might or must be facing draws tears to my eyes. As a knitter myself, I know the exact things that cause us to slow up or stall our knitting and none of those things are good or easy. From one human to anther, take care of yourself, the people around you and take every ounce of privacy you need and then take one more, just in case.
    *hugs*

  181. Every day we send our loved ones out not knowing if they’ll return. It is a blessing to be able to say all the things you want/need to before someone parts with us for the last time. May their time be with those they love, as my dad’s was.

  183. Right. But you are a writer, and so you should still write it down. Add the pictures, hammer out the words, and then tuck it away.
    I’m wishing you and your family strength and patience and moments of connection and happiness. I’m so sorry, this must be a hard and sad time.

  184. Amen – we have no need to know, only to support your wishes. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you in the time to come…
    Sending prayers to you and yours – namaste.

  185. I’m sorry you are going through this, you and yours are in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself.

  186. There’s something sacred in death, and I don’t think it needs to be shared with the world. I think we make our peace with those we leave behind and our Deity and that’s it. About as personal as anything can get.

  188. We understand. You are doing the right thing.
    Peace be with you and your family.

  190. Right. I honor your discretion. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

  191. Hoping, praying, sending hugs, positive energy and all other forms of well wishes to you and your family. We understand, we send love, and will be here to support you!

  192. So sorry for the sad journey you are on right now. May you have peace in the days to come.

  193. Peace be with you and the people you love. I know that won’t happen right away but I will pray it for you anyway.
    We love you.

  195. I admit to being curious, but I am a nosy thing, on internet and off. Be assured that this in no way diminishes my respect or understanding of your decision. Your thoughtfulness about the right your loved one has to privacy is admirable, and no apologies are necessary for choosing to keep this time to those involved in it. I will do my best to keep all of you in my prayers.

  196. I can’t think of anything to say that hasn’t already been said, better than I could, so I will just offer a quiet, understanding hug.

  197. Sending you all love and healing thoughts. And some peace. Sometimes we just have to sit with things – it’s all we can do. You’ll do ok.

  199. Absolutely right.
    Take care of yourself and your family and I will keep all of you in my prayers.

  201. Be at peace and know that you are loved. And thank you for your willingness to be discrete.

  202. You are absolutely right. I am sorry that your family is facing this challenging time, glad that your loved one does not face it alone, and send my best thoughts for peace.

  204. Family and friends come before the internet, every single time.
    Sending hugs and warm thoughts, and strength for all to carry you through this difficult time. Peace, too, that helps you accept the inevitable.

  206. It’s all been very well-said by those who posted above. You are in our hearts and prayers. May God bless you and keep you safe.

  208. Oh Stephanie, please remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time. You know best what you have to do right now, and we, The Blog, certainly can understand that. Supportive caring thoughts will be with you, and everyone who is affected by this. Hugs of love,
    s

  209. nice posting, it is not necessary for us to have the facts to offer prayers for you and your loved ones. God knows the need and He will handle our requests. Just know you are cared about by random strangers in this knitting world and if you ask we will help, otherwise we will wait patiently and pray
    Hugs
    Marolee aka Fracksmom

  210. So lovely to see how much love flows thru this community you have pulled together, Stephanie. Sending light and love and prayers to you and your family. Blessings on this tender journey.

  211. I don’t normally comment, but I do always read your posts.
    Take your time. It’s more important that you spend time with them, than spending time telling us about it. Just know that we are all thinking of you, and them, and we’ll be here when you need us.

  212. it is enough to see that you and your family are experiencing sadness and loss, and to let our hearts lift your and yours up for comfort. may the peace you seek be the peace you experience. my thoughts are with you and your family.

  213. Right! We’ll read you when we read you…whenever and whatever that may be. All the best to you and your loved ones.

  214. There are some stories that are not ours to tell. May peace find you in your wild place.

  215. You’re a class act, Stephanie. And I hope the tea and sympathy is all helpful. Hard times. I love the beautiful photos.

  216. Firstly, here is sending peace, love and comfort to you and your loved ones.
    You are right, never doubt your heart! I enjoy getting a glimpse into your world with the “public” side you share with us through the blog, but more importantly, I respect you even more for what you don’t share.

  217. do you ever eat fiddle heads as you would asparagus? love the fern photo.

  218. Last year my mom passed away after a 2 1/2 year battle with Cancer. I moved in almost immediately after her diagnosis and took care of her every single day until she died last July. And through it all I would have loved to have poured out my feelings about what was going on with her on my (sadly usually neglected) blog, but I knew she wouldn’t want that. She was very private when it came to the internet, and I knew without asking that while she wouldn’t have asked me to take anything down, she wouldn’t have appreciated having her struggle chronicled online like that.
    As a result, when she passed and I poured out my grief on my blog, I shocked a lot of my online friends, as they had no hint that mom was sick.
    It was the way she wanted it, and after everything my mother did for me throughout my life, how could I not honor that?
    Enjoy what time you have left, and treasure every moment.

  220. Oui, absolument. Post photos of beautiful things and know that we do not have to know everything. We know that you are going through sad and grieving times and that is all, as friends, that we need to know. We will pray for you and your reader friend, we will send you white light and positive vibrations. Consider yourself hugged.

  221. Right. You and your loved one are in our thoughts, and our well-wishes, and we’ll be here whenever, and however, you can visit with us.

  222. How and what you decide to share is totally up to you and would, I hope, be honored by all. And even if you chose not to share another word, I hope you know how many well wishes are being sent to you and your family. May you and yours find moments of peace and comfort.

  223. It’s never appropriate – never right, to tell someone else’s story unless you know that it’s ok with them. Never do it unless you’re sure of that fact! You can always share your own perspective of pain, loss & grief and be absolutely sure that everyone will understand that hollow, weird feeling of wrongness that you can’t solve. We’ve all been there or, are going to be there at some time in our lives. Your grace and quiet silence is right.

  224. You are where you are meant to be. Be present in the moment. There is a time for everything under heaven. You are making the best choice for you and your loved one. Trust yourself. We are here for you and will wait quietly. Peace to you and yours.

  225. Peace, Prayers, and hugs to you and your family at this time. You are right to write or not write what you wish in this blog. Do get a journal and write your feelings and what is happening in it… so your emotions explode all over when you are needed most. Keep knitting and we will be there when you are ready to blog again. love the pictures.

  226. I hope that when I am leaving this world, I have people around me just like you. People who respect the sacredness of the process, people who understand & respect boundaries, people who still maintain a sense of dignity & discretion in this new cyber world of know-all-share-all.
    You have a whole universe of souls who are holding you in their thoughts & prayers…along with the person who is leaving. We know you will take what time is needed & do what is right.
    Kathy :o)

  228. thank you for all you share, including your wisdom on what not to share. we understand. we care. may you and yours find peace and strength to get through the days ahead.

  229. Just wanted to add my voice to the group, I hope you know how much we all care about you and your family. You are not alone, the spirit of the blog is with you.

  230. Take time to be just you and your loved ones. We’ll be here when you get back. Hugs for the inevitable tears of life. I love the quote “Thank you for being someone it’s so hard to say goodbye to.” Blogging and even knitting can wait. Time with loved ones can’t.

  232. Probably pretty much what everyone else has said, I would say. But also that I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t have to know the details; God does, so She’ll know what I’m talking about when I mention your name.
    Hugs,
    M

  234. Prayers for you and your family during this time. Its always hard for me during times, like the one you and your loved ones are going through, to understand why the world doesn’t just stop to acknowledge the hurt you’re experiencing. Please know that we all are thinking of you.

  235. Your instincts sound spot on. Take care, and be gentle with yourself, the Internet isn’t going anywhere.

  236. I respect and honor your privacy. May the power and spirit that guides you and your loved one continue to protect and give you strength.

  237. Hugs to you and your family while you go through this time in your lives. Be assured that we will wait patiently for you to do what you must do for yourself, because this is just a blog and family and friends come first.

  239. I am very sorry that you find yourself in this place.
    Know this, you do not owe us anything. You are generous enough to invite us into this space and I think for that we are all grateful but it is 100 percent okay for you to take a break, long or short or even walk away.

  240. You are right. Do what you need to do for your family; the blog can wait.

  241. You are a bright and sparkling part of my life and I confess I missed you and got a little concerned. I was so relieved to see your tweets about the hockey game last night.
    I have been thinking about your earlier career as a doula. I love your story about one sock; I have read it at least 30 times and it still makes me cry. What you are doing now is essentially being a doula as your loved one passes through the birth canal to the new world. It is a rare and significant privilege to help people into this world and through into the next. I wish you well and your loved one a peaceful passing.

  242. Oh, so incredibly right…and so well said. When my sister recently had to tell her children she was facing the disease we all fear she told her children to reach out to anyone they needed for support, what they were going to go through did not have to be a secret….just please, please, please no online sharing of her business. I support your decision one hundred per cent and your family is in my prayers.

  243. Dear Stephanie, you should know that I’m sending all the best vibrations I can think of across the sea to you and your loved ones during your rough journey.

  244. Right. We will be right here to support you in any way needed. You have every right to keep things private.

  245. My cardinal rule of blogging, mostly unspoken, has always been that I get to decide when & what I blog. It is totally a legit move to leave some things off the page and leave the rest of the world to read things from you a little bit less frequently some times, more frequently in others. Go do what you need to do! (and hugs)

  247. You always conduct yourself with dignity and grace and giving the situation privacy regardless of the intense place you find yourself definately following your instincts is the right thing to do. I hope the bloggers are all giving you the big hug you seem to need at this time.

  248. I can’t be the only person for whom you’ve
    Been there during difficult times so I’m probably
    not speaking just for myself when I say I’ll
    be here for you.

  251. Be at peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and know that in time, you will heal.

  253. Be there for each other, sit stil if you need to. I have always found simple knitting (trauma bears and blanket squares), a help in times of stress. Hang in there.

  254. We missed you while you were away. When you go away again, we’ll wait here for your return.

  255. Wishing you and your loved ones strength and courage to face what is. May the love that you share help you embrace each precious moment you have together. I believe some things are deeply personal and deserve to be just that and respecting the wishes of those we love during hard times is a gift only we can give.

  256. You are so Right!And you know everyone loves you and respects you.like the comment before me,We miss you and we will just wait for you to come back.

  259. Let us know when you need more (virtual) hugs. There are plenty more available.

  260. Warm wishes to you all. I think we know all we need to know. I hope you never feel you have to feed the blog although you’ve already shown you know how to say so kindly “not at home right now.” If we come into your living room now and again, of course we understand that there’s a time to just slip a card under the door. Peace, and sorry.

  261. Sending you and your family big, warm, comforting hugs at this time.

  263. You are so right!! However, I hope that if you need encouragement or a bit of love, you’ll let us know. That we can do without knowing specific details. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. We’ll be here waiting for you. Take care!

  264. Whatever the issue, our thoughts are with you and your family. You can keep the details to yourself and that’s fine and good, but never forget, you’re not alone in this. Best wishes for whatever needs to happen.

  266. We send you warm wishes and thanks, and you don’t need to add a thing. We’re so glad you’re wise, sensitive, and tuned in to your own needs and feelings, as well as those of your loved one. So sorry! We’re here, and we’ll continue to be. LOVE.

  268. We all have our unbloggables, things that we would love to share just to get the support but that we can’t, because they are too much someone else’s story. And it does make one’s blogging feel artificial for a time. On the other hand, it can give you a nice sort of break to blog about something OTHER than what is consuming you and yours at the moment – focusing on something inconsequential can provide temporary relief from more weighty matters.
    Hang in there!

  269. Blessings to you and yours Stephanie. And I wish your friend a peaceful transition. It is a blessing to have to have the time to say our ‘au revoirs’ to our loved ones properly. We had four months to tell our Mum we loved her and would miss her. In that time lots of good things happened too. Mum found out she was going to be a grandma again and was very excited about it even though she knew she would never see the baby. But her little grandson has lots of her habits.
    Bless you all and the Blog will be here when you are ready.
    Ps. My Mum would have adored that fern photo. She loved ferns.

  270. Absolutely right. Know that love and prayers wing their way to you and yours. May you find a peaceful space in which to handle what comes.

  272. I’m so sorry you and yours are going through this, but very glad they have you on their side. With all of the lives you’ve helped enter this world, I can’t imagine a better person to be there at the other end as well. Wishing you all peace and comfort during this difficult time.
    If you need anything, you only need to ask. We’re not going anywhere.

  273. It’s been said quite eloquently by so many, but I feel driven to add my voice to the chorus. Some things are private, and just where that line lies is very individual. You are absolutely correct to respect the privacy and dignity of your loved one. We’ll be here when you get back. In the meantime, my heart aches for you.

  274. I, too read your blog, but seldom leave a comment. I adore your books and your blog. You are well loved and I know that can be comforting; but only you know what, in your heart, is best. That is certainly respected here. BUT, take of yourself, too. We all love you.
    Donna

  275. Time is precious. The internet is fast, and furious, and sometimes we need to know that it is not important.
    Family is priority, and coming from a family who stays private, maybe not quiet, but protective of the time we have, which as I get old, finding time is shorter than we thought. You don’t get more.
    Be private, be quiet, images are nice.Somehow calm and quiet. Take what time you need, we’re not going anywhere.

  276. I concur with the rest of The Blog, your families right to privacy is greater than any curiosity any may feel and we will all be here keeping you and yours in our thoughts. When you are back with us we will appreciate what you write and when you need to be away we will miss you x (I hope no one is offended by my group pro-noun but it is clear from the other comments that The Blog are of one mind on this, or that is at least my impression)

  278. Love, light, and peace to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  279. I love the knitting, the books, the plant, the teapot. What a beautiful and evocative group of objects. Thank you; I will keep you and yours in my prayers and meditations.

  280. Know that warm thoughts and hugs are being sent your way (and though we don’t know who or where, may they find their way there as well.) May you be filled with peace and calm….
    Blessed Be

  281. Take care of yourself and your family. The blog can (and will) wait. Sending warm thoughts and love to you and your family.

  283. Love to you and yours during this time. I couldn’t agree more with you about the internet and privacy…totally understand. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

  284. I am with you since my mother became ill there is a time for openess and a time to honor the silence. Please know I understand that tugging pain you feel. It is a division between wanting to say something to feel relief and respecting PRIVACY AND THE PAIN IT SOMETIMES HAS. bless you.

  285. Please put your unbloggable moments down as if you could share them. Then tuck them away or delete as you wish. You are such an expressive and beautiful writer that I hope the act of doing that will lighten your load. Even though they will never be seen we will be there for you through the magic of your words.

  288. There is no reason for us readers to know that much of your personal life. No apologies necessary. Thinking of you and yours at this difficult, sad time. Try to treasure every bittersweet moment.

  289. Sending you and your family peaceful thoughts and wishes of dignity and strength through this time. Be with your family and support them through this time and we will be here when you are ready to come back. Just know that your extended Internet family is here sending you love because you and your fmily have a very special place in our hearts.

  290. I respect you privacy and blog silence. I will miss you, but I wish you peace and comfort at this seemingly very difficult time. My prayers are with you.

  291. I’m a fairly well known leader in a few non profit circles in our small community. There are many blessings with being well known but sometimes when life is happening, it’s not nice to feel like I have to keep everyone in the loop or that everyone deserves an explanation. You have no obligation to anyone… private is private.
    We’ll all have lots of moments to think/pray for you and your family while we knit these days!

  292. Hold your family tight, Steph….I can tell you are the kind of person who resolves issues by talking or blogging about them….and you do it beautifully…..but you can’t this time around….find a vent that is safe for your sake. Peace.

  293. Sending prayers for your friends and family. Refer to Comment #1….well said Kathy.

  295. Over the past 18 months to two years, you’ve had family issues that you’ve told us that you can’t talk about. I don’t know if those issues are part of what you shared here today, but I mention them to remind you that you’ve done your best to be respectful and private for a while now. I have nothing but respect and love for your choice. May you and your family find strength in each other during this time.

  296. Well said and well done. You asked for book selection. Here’s a poem to check out as well, Robert Frost’s, “Nothing Gold Can Stay”.

  297. God bless you and keep you and all your family. We’ll be right here waiting for you.

  299. I have just gone through this. Sending love and peace to your family. Let the outside world stop and focus. It will be here when you get back.

  300. Sending good wishes and thoughts your way.
    The blog is a strange alternate universe where the things that happen can be shaped and molded to sound good and orderly and tell a story with a final outcome.
    In real life, things are not so orderly, and the tale is sometimes ongoing, and the outcome is unknown. It deserves time and attention.
    You do what you need to do. We’ll be here when you return.

  302. The pictures exude serenity. I hope that serenity characterizes your last days with your family member as well. Be still, be there.

  303. Whatever the situation, whoever is involved…..may God bless you all.

  305. never apologize. we get it. wishing you and yours peace. i have been where you are where endless cups of tea become the only constant. where silence speaks volumes. when you know who your friends are.

  306. Whatever it is that your family is going through, I respect your right to privacy, the fact that you are respecting a loved ones privacy.
    Take care xoxox

  307. Steph,
    That is why, as I explained to my son and, earlier this year, to my husband…why I DO NOT DO OR LIKE FACEBOOK OR TWITTER!!!. This place is the only place I write on line..save email..because of the permanance of electronic communications. Teens and young adults need to really understand that what you write..STAYS…
    It is like Mt Rushmore. It is always there for all the world to see, criticise, critique, speak about, misunderstand, and argue over. Honor that commitment NOT to say anything about your current family situation.
    Be still. Time will pass as will this situation. Go when you must. Come back when you need to. We will wait.
    Barb R.

  310. Please take care of yourself and your family and know that so many people are sending caring thoughts to you and your family.

  311. Love and peace to you and your family. Knit when you feel like it and sit in silence when you need to. And I hope there is someone in your family or an “outside the family” friend you can share this all with.

  313. This is a sacred time for you and your family. We will be here during it and when you come back. Sending love your way, Steph.

  314. *Hugs* Sending up prayers and best wishes and hopes of comfort for you and yours.
    That amaryllis in the background has six leaves; they need at least four to nourish the bulbs to bloom the next year. What it has now, then, is enough for the light to bring out the best in it.

  316. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this difficult time, and hope that you find comfort and strength in each other. Take care of yourselves, and encourage Millie to purr during those moments when the silence is too much. Keep the knitting patterns relatively plain, the yarn gorgeous, the tea hot, and the chocolate nearby. And when this is all over, the blog will be waiting.

  317. Absolutely right. But keep a diary – because someday this period in your life will be a blur of feeling and it’s good to be able to look back to a talk, a visit, a phrase that was important at the time. And because you wrote it down, it can be an important part of your memories.

  319. I’ve already commented, but I’m back again after having had you flitting through my mind all day. You have tough days and nights ahead. If you need your cyber-friends at all during this time, use us to regain balance. Talk to us about knitting. One stitch at a time, if necessary. Breathe in, breathe out. Knit. Purl. Knit. Purl. I don’t have a blog, but one breath at a time, one stitch at a time helped me survive the toughest time in my life thus far. Whatever will be will have to be survived, but breathe/knit helps a tiny, tiny bit. That, and knowing you are not alone.

  320. I hope the people you are being cagey about are doing ok, in whatever way that is possible. Big hugs to you at what ‘sounds’ like a difficult time for all involved.

  321. Stephanie, we’ll wait for you. You need to do what you’re already doing with your loved one and your family. Peace and love to you all!

  325. Your compassion, honestly, and care shine through your words. Your priorities are where they should be. You have given dignity in what we sense is a difficult and sad situation. No more needs to be explained.

  326. Oh Steph, I’m so sorry. Just know that this is a safe place for you to talk about anything you want, and to not talk about anything you don’t. We all understand family comes first, and we’re all on your side because you make us feel like family too. Do what you need to do, be where you need to be, say or don’t say anything you decide. We love you, we’re here for you always, and right now your strength and warmth and kindness is needed by someone important so don’t worry about the blog. Let the blog worry about you for a change.

  328. You asked in your previous entry about book recommendations. My husband recommends any Wooster and Jeeves books.
    Blessings on you and your family.

  329. dear stephanie- you are right and it is hard. I will keep you and those you love in my thoughts. We met a couple of weeks ago at steven be’s. I told you about my brain tumor and you were so kind. I have been blogging about my treatment on a caring bridge site. My family lives far away- so it has been a very helpful way to share information. Even with my blog being about my cancer it is very hard to know what to share and what to hold close.
    All of us in blog land can be patient and let you have personal time and be thrilled when you are back.
    Each perfect stitch will have thoughts of you and your loved ones as i knit.
    persis

  330. I think everyone has said what I would have said. Just know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

  331. Stephanie, over the years, I’ve come to see this blog and a few others I follow as friends. And friends don’t always have to speak to fill the silence. Sometimes friends can sit in companionable silence, sometimes one friend has to support another, and sometimes a friend just needs a shoulder to lean on or to cry on.
    So consider us your friend sitting here in companionable silence, offering a shoulder to lean on or to cry on without words, without pressure.
    There will always be instances where “the blog” doesn’t need to know, and can offer you love and support regardless.

  332. I missed you. Kept going to your blog for a report on the conference that the customs official knew you had missed. Guess I’ll just wait it out, while your life happens as all of ours do too. Wishing you and yours all the strength you need to get through this rough patch. May you find moments within this time that you will cherish forever. A bear hug.

  333. I am so sorry, Stephanie. As many before have said, we will all be here when you return. We will miss you, of course, but please know that we would want nothing other than for you to take care of yourself and your loved ones. Please do take care of yourself. If you haven’t read it, check out Joan Dideon’s The Year of Magical Thinking. Not right away, while you’re raw. But someday. It’s a beautiful story and contemplation of greif.

  334. Do what you must and know you have many, many readers’ best wishes for you and yours.

  335. You and your loved one – in my thoughts and prayers! Share what you can and be as still as you need to, we love you. When you’re ready, we’ll all still be here. That’s what friends do!

  336. Just take the time you need. Look to “the Blog” as a background matrix of love and support. If you need to write things out for your own peace, use a journal or create a password-protected private file if typing is how your mind connects.
    We’ll be here when it’s the right time for you to come back.

  338. I think that the best possible thing to do in such a situation is to keep it as private as you can. Good for you for respecting your family member’s wishes, not that I would expect less from you after having read your blog for so long 🙂

  339. As always, Steph, you speak words of wisdom.
    My thoughts are with you and your family in what sounds like a very sad time. Having recently been through a similar-sounding time with my own family, my heart really goes out to you.

  341. Oh, the wilds of the world are no place for personal sorrows. One of my favorite sayings is “Ah, if you only knew the peace in an accepted sorrow.” It is personal, private and yet so much a part of the human condition – take good, good care and may your family find peace.

  343. Oh, so right. Beautiful soft sweet pictures too. I’ll pray strength, sweetness and comfort for all.

  345. Love the green in your photos. I live among intermittent snow. The splash of color reminds me of Life; it returns every year, and always I am surprised. I hope you find comfort in simple things like that. And no,you don’t need to share everything personal on the ‘net.

  346. Peace to you and your family during this change. Take the time and space and privacy you need.
    I hope you found some books to share with your family member from the suggestions offered in your prior post. Maybe you all could take turns reading out loud to each other as a way to share time and enjoy a good tale.

  347. Excellent choice. Sometimes news is not ours to share.
    Just know (as the hundreds of comments before mine can attest) that there are tons of love & well wishes coming to you, your friend, and your families across the internet ether.
    We will still be here whenever you want to chat…even if it is about nothing in particular. Knitting has made us patient.

  349. Right. Take care of you and yours. Warm thoughts are sent your way often.

  350. Do what is best for you and yours. Your blog family will support you in your choice to stay private. Wishing you strength and peace during this time.

  351. Mis oraciones estan contigo. Lamento profundamente el dolor de tu corazon. Estaré aqui esperandote cuando tu puedas regresar. Te envio mi cariño y te ruego que cuides de tu persona tambien. Muchos hemos pasado por lo mismo y la familia es nuestro gran consuelo. Bendiciones para todos los tuyos. Espero que alguien pueda traducirte mi mensaje. Ana B desde Buenos Aires.

  352. Hang in there, Stephanie. Hope you are knitting through this. If you want, just talk to us about knitting.

  353. I am thinking of and praying for you and yours, Stephanie. May peace, comfort and love surround you all.

  354. As many have said before, do what you think is right, regardless of what others think. The only votes that matter here are you and the people directly involved. Take care of you and yours for as long as you need. That’s a much higher priority than blogging. Don’t even think about beating yourself up for being absent. *hug*

  355. Wishing you peace and hugs and quiet time all at once. When you feel able to return, we will all be here waiting.

  356. Spot on.
    A few years ago my family shared the end-of-life process with one of our beloved own. It was a beautiful, intimate affair. I’ll still be here when you return and I’ll keep you in my good thoughts while you are away.

  357. I join in the thoughts and wishes of peace and ease for your situation. One thing that occurred to me is that you did share. You shared that you are heart sore and that you know we are here and that you appreciate us for being here. That’s really all we need to know. We aren’t your family in the sense that your family member likely views your family but we are in a sense and you shared that too. If that’s you not sharing 🙂 well… I’ll take that sort of brush off any day.
    Much love Steph. Enough and more to share with you and yours.

  358. Us knitters have learned about patience, we always say. Trust us to be fine, we’ve plenty to do (even those of us who don’t spin) and go without a qualm to be fully present in the life cycle of your family. All are born, all die, all are not fortunate enough to be in a family and love and rejoice and grieve together. Be well and be there.

  359. To sit at the bedside of a dying person is a very great privilege;use the Time well.

  360. I’m just going to pray that you and your loved ones are surrounded in love during this difficult time. Love doesn’t erase our sorrow, but it sure helps. So, I wish you and yours a lot of love.

  362. Take the time and space you need. Silence is fine, boundaries and secrets are absolutely right. As long as you’re willing to let us share your space through this blog, I will enjoy the humor and insight and fibery stuff of course. Take care of yourself and yours. Beautiful picture, looks serene. Praying you will find comfort and serenity in the midst of this trying time.

  363. Big hugs to you and your family. Do what feels best for you, take all the time you need. As someone in the comments above me said, we’ll be here when you’re ready.

  364. This is what I ‘hear’
    loyalty
    dignity
    warmth
    stillness
    silence
    truth
    faithfulness
    love
    and after all is said and done…what is better than that? we will be here when what you are experiencing belongs to you again. and we are quietly with you…here.

  365. Do what feels right to you. Know that there are many people who care about you and send you strength and peace.

  367. Right. Take care of your family. Take care of yourself. We look forward to reading on the days when you can write. In the meantime, loving thoughts to you and yours.

  370. Your integrity and affection speak volumes.
    Stunning photos. Thank you for sharing.

  371. My thoughts are with you and your family and I really wish and hope that sometime somewhere it will all feel at least okay again.
    The last picture in the blog post is one of the most beautiful pictures I’ve seen. It’s hopeful, it’s peaceful, it’s life, it’s comfort and it’s beautiful. It says it all.
    Take care of you and your family, take all the time you need, and we’ll wait here for you when you are ready.

  372. God bless you and yours in this terrible time. Look after yourself and keep the knitting handy it will help it certainly did for me.

  373. Right, and Blessings to you and yours ( these be the sort of blessings that transcend belief and dogma). I have also found that behaving as I knew I should and needed to was an immense source of strength and comfort through some of my life’s hardest times, unlikely though that may sound.
    I have also found that there are some really difficult, complex feelings that perhaps are best either just thought, or spoken about once they have been thought through completely, as sometimes they change through the thinking. If I talk or write about them halfway through sometimes they get stuck halfway, or I can’t explain them completely and it’s not the whole story. It’s easy for misunderstandings to happen that way. Sometimes you gotta know when to hold ’em

  374. it’s hard watching someone you love fade away and not being able to a thing to stop it. all you can hope/pray for is that it is as dignified, peaceful and easy for them as possible. take care of them, take care of your family and take care of yourself. and take all the time you need to do so.
    love to all.

  376. Take all the time that is needed. Illness and grief has struck everyone at some point in their lives, I hope and pray yours is brief and not life-threatening for your friends and family. Our thoughts of goodwill and happiness are forever with you and your family.

  377. Stephanie, you are a beautiful writer even when you write about not writing. Your description about being in a wild place so beautifully describes what you are going through. It resonates. I pray that you and your loved ones will be blessed with Peace and Comfort. Take care.

  380. It’s difficult not to pour out your soul. There is grief and leaning on your friends and prayers to be said, not just for your friend, but for you, too.
    That said, sending up an “unknown” prayer request, for God knows what is needed. His strength is revealed in our weakness. Keep that in mind as you go through this process.
    Rotsa ruv..Tenna

  381. Right. Wishing you strength and peace as you move through this difficult time.

  382. Privacy is difficult to find in this world, and often even harder to maintain. Do what is right for you and yours; take what comfort you can from the little things; and know that we, like the best of friends, will still be here even after the silence. Blessings to you all.

  384. Since you are used to writing and sharing, I would not resist that urge to do so, just write it all down and get it out on paper perhaps — it is a great tool for mining your feelings…think of it as a secret diary, no sharing, but the better benefit of bringing yourself to a peaceful place when you need to. Your friends are here waiting for you when you are ready.

  385. I am sorry for the loss you will or have suffered. I commend you for not over sharing. In todays world of technology it seems there are very few that use common sense.

  387. Steph,
    You’re right. And I’ll be holding you and yours in the light…

  388. We have never met and yet I consider you a friend. We are here for you and know that you care deeply about family and friends. I am sorry for the situation in your life right now but please know that we are here and here is where we will be whenever you are ready to talk once again. We will talk knitting, we will talk yarn, we will talk rainy days or sunshine but we will be here.

  389. Absolutely right. I don’t comment often, but I read your blog faithfully and am praying that this doesn’t involve one of your girls or Joe. Like others have commented, family first. Take good care.

  393. My thoughts & prayers are with you & yours during this time. I’m sure most of the Blogosphere understands about privacy, and the need to be a bit on the cagey side. Knit on.

  395. You are absolutely right and you’re doing this the right way. I am sending you lots of good thoughts and wish you strength for this rough way to go. Take your time!

  396. Much, much love and energy coming your way and to your family. We’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. And we totally understand and agree about the private stuff – keep it within you.

  399. Right…as right as one can be. Thank you – for that, and for all your earlier sharing. From someone you will probably never meet or know who has appreciated your blog and your outlook on life in general, your knitting and your family (we’re all so of one Mind in the end aren’t we), a prayer that you and yours will find peace.

  401. Having just attended to my father-in-law during his last week of life I can understand what you may be going through. There can be more laughter than tears when family gathers…this is when family “knits” together most strongly. It is also a privilege and honor to be present for your loved one. Takes a hunk out of you mentally, spiritually, physically….but being “there” is most important. Virtual hugs to you Stephanie…..

  402. Lighting a candle tonight, and beaming love and light in your direction across the atlantic x

  403. Well said. Respectful, honest, and with appropriate boundaries in place. Sending hugs and prayers that you all have the strength and wisdom during this difficult time.

  404. COMPLETELY right. We support you and respect your (and those in your life) right to privacy. Just know that we’re all sending you wishes of peace, lotsmof love, and many virtual hugs…regardless of what you do or don’t share here. You’re in our thoughts!

  405. Thank you for sharing as much as you do of your life with us, and for making difficult decisions about what to share to make sure you’re trying to do what’s best for you and yours. After years of reading your blog & books, I can assure you – a few weeks of silence to deal with important situations with family and friends will not be resented. All the best to you and your family now and going forward.

  406. Absolutely, definitely right. I think we us readers can be many things: suggesters, advisors, sounding board, supporters. But what should never act like is a hungry baby bird, always demanding more.
    Sending kind thoughts to you and yours.

  407. I could not agree more and your statements about blogging are perfect and refreshing. We certainly don’t need to know anything! Please take your time and lend an ear, heart, and hand to those who in need. Remember to rest yourself!

  408. Right. And, if we’re being honest, I didn’t know it was possible for you to be still. :o) However, we will all be here when you get back. That photo of the green knitting in front of the window with greenery, all looks so beautiful.

  410. You are right. Kudos for your discretion and your candor. Wishing you the comfort and strength that comes from being with family. I know that your compassion provides comfort to those around you. I hope you’re able to soak up their love to heal after this difficult journey.

  411. I felt that way for the past couple of years when I was going through my own bit of life as it were. I didn’t want to share it, because sharing was uncomfortable. It is only harder when it is a close friend or family member. Then it isn’t just your own feelings you have to consider but theirs and the wider community you inhabit with them.
    Hopefully things will get better. Needles crossed.

  412. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours during this difficult time. I will pray for a peaceful passing, and for grace for you and your family. Even though it seems a good time to sit and knit to gather your wits about you, knitting during stressful times is not good. Tension is off. Just sit and enjoy your cup of tea whilst enjoying nature. We will all be here when you get back. We send love and hugs to you and yours.

  413. May the goddess support you and your loved ones during this difficult time.

  415. Right. As a lover of words and using them to express what I am feeling as way to deal with what I am feeling, I understand your caution. I will miss when you when you are away, but I will know that you are being present for someone who truly needs you. Take care and know that my prayers are with you and your family as you go through this.

  416. Sending peace, prayer, stillness and strength to you and yours during this difficult journey.

  417. We understand and respect your right to privacy. My thoughts are with you and your family. Loss is so hard so be kind to yourself. This fan knows.

  418. As so many others have shared, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. We all think of you as a friend and are sending that virtual hug your way.

  419. Right. Absolutely. Sending love and good thoughts and hugs and understanding. Deep breath, one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time.

  420. Absolutely Right. You are allowed to be private and share what you feel is appropriate, when you feel it’s right to do so. OR not at all. We’re here for you and wish you peace in this difficult time. Hugs…

  421. I’m not remotely a religious person but I do have some hippie leanings. Your photos and knitting in this post are green and full of new life and promise. I think that our concious minds have difficulty understanding large issues especially in times of sorrow and our unconscious mind tries to give us comfort.
    I wish you and your family much peace, love, comfort and strength

  422. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Glad you are back. Know that we care!

  423. I am so sorry you and your family are going through such a terrible thing. Spend the time you can with your loved one. Know that we’re all sending you good thoughts/prayers. If you aren’t able to post much over the next little while, we understand and will be here when you come back. Take care.

  424. “Knit on, with confidence and hope, through all crises” Elizabeth Zimmermann. Thinking of you.

  425. Sending you prayers that what ever is going on, works itself out in the best way for all. Everyone needs to take time for themselves and their families. Hugs to you!

  426. Sending hugs and warm wishes your way. I’m glad to see that you are enjoying nature as your Canadian spring happens.

  427. Your instincts are sound, and it’s right that you should trust them on this. Things can be said later, should they need to be, but they can never be unsaid. I agree with the suggestion that you could maybe write what you would like, as if you were writing to us, the blog, but elsewhere, somewhere that isn’t shared. I know it won’t be the same, but maybe you can gain some of the benefits of organizing your thoughts and expressing them in writing without violating your respected family member’s privacy.
    When my sister died in 2011 (she was 36 and left behind a dear husband and 3 little girls age 7, 4 and 11 months – she was a treasure, and I still can’t believe she’s gone sometimes), I struggled with something similar. While I don’t blog, I do have a social media presence, as did my sister. It was a challenge to know what to share, how much detail and when. I got pretty good at it, I guess. Toward the end, my brother-in-law started asking me to help him write the updates that he shared because I could write things that were true but didn’t share more than we wanted. It wasn’t easy, but in a time that I was desperate to be able to do anything that would help somehow, I was so glad to have found that skill. I only wish the circumstances had been different. I’m not sure why I shared this here. I guess it’s because your post struck a nerve with me, and I feel like you did what I always tried to do. You were honest and still protected the privacy of the person you care about, and I have a lot of respect for that.
    I wish you and your family peace and gentleness and wisdom in this difficult time.

  428. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours in this challenging time. May you find peace and comfort during this journey.

  429. May the love of your family and your knitting keep you at peace during this difficult time….Hugs…

  430. All good vibes to you and your family. Take care of yourself. Feel free to take a blog vacation. We’ll be here when you get back.

  431. thank you for sharing as much as you can, and as always we are right behind you all the way. I love that all the pics are green, color of life, and that your knitting looks like moss.

  432. We all hope that you and your family will be able to find peace with what is going on. Take comfort in family and friends during these difficult times.

  433. And yet, despite the emotional pain you’re in, you think to gift us with such lovely photos. You have a beautiful soul and deserve peace. OXO

  435. Completely understand. I suppose that is the very thing that keeps me from being a better and more frequent blogger, my privacy settings have always been at the highest level. My prayers are with you and your family during such a difficult time (been there also). Take any blessings that each day offers and hold them in your heart and mind.

  438. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones. Take all the time you need – we will be supporting you from near and far and be waiting when you return.

  439. Yes to everything you’ve said. My added advice is to stick with the greens and blues — good heart colors. Peace and comfort to you and your family.

  440. My thoughts and prayers are with you and will be until you say the issue is resolved; praying for strength and peace for all concerned. I am in full agreement about sharing other people’s business on one’s blog.

  441. Absolutely. Many hugs to you and I wish you and your family peace. I shut my blog down for many of the reasons you are describing – while I was ok blogging about my cute babies and toddlers, now that a couple of them are getting to be bigger kids, it seemed like a violation of their privacy to talk about them so publicly.

  442. Oh, Steph… my family is in the middle of a similar situation, with some added drama, and I’ve also been treading the shaky border between “enough for me to get the support I need” and “maintain the family member’s privacy and wishes.” It seems you have a really great personal support system in your immediate vicinity, so I’m certain your internal boundary monitors will do a great job. I offer my best wishes to you personally, and remind you that you are not alone… even though it feels like that at 1 a.m. These are new waters we are treading as a society, personal issues mixed with the public nature of the Net, and you have the added burden of celebrity (and all us strangers who “know” you). The mantra you posted about once has been on my mind constantly through these last few difficult weeks, and I’m passing it back to you: Everything will be OK in the end… if it’s not OK, it’s not the end. Warmest wishes to you and your family.

  443. Your absolutely right! So I’m sending (((hugs))), support and prayers to you and your family. And remember that we will all be here for you!

  444. absolutely – you are wise and we are praying for comfort and peace for you and your family.

  445. You are so right to keep some things private….and only share if that person permits you to share. What we can all do for that person is to pray for them. God knows what is going on, and God does hear our prayers. Praying for peace, healing, and understanding during this time for your family/friend. Sending you a hug as well!

  446. Agreed and understood completely. Thank you for letting us know what you feel is appropriate about this time in you and your family’s lives. Know you are Very much cared about by all your readers. As others have written, we’re here for you, hope for you, pray for you and yours.
    Faithfully,
    Linda Barney

  448. I couldn’t agree with you more. We have illness in the family, ongoing for about a year, and I had to strongly counsel friends and family about sharing our loved one’s illness over the internet. You are absolutely right in your feelings. I’m sending you my love and strength while you deal with your loved one’s illness. Advice that I’ve been given: Take care of yourself and make some good memories.

  449. I’m sorry that you and yours are going through this.
    22 years ago, I was in the same boat with my mum, then 7 years ago with my dad. It’s crappy 🙁

  450. I think many of us have been where you are. Someone wisely told me that this is the time when you lean on the prayers of others. Those of us who care about you are holding you up in thoughts and prayer or whatever we do. You are a compassionate and caring person and bring joy to so many. Just lean back and rest in this. Love and prayers.

  451. I couldn’t agree more. The internet is a big, dangerous place which needs respect.
    Love and best wishes to you and your family.

  452. I love reading your blog because you are a very wise person, and you do a great job of balancing all these kinds of tricky decisions in life. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Keep doing what you need to do.
    This is a great article on the “Ring Theory of Kvetching” that I wish everyone involved had read when my mom was dying of cancer:
    http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
    You are doing the right thing — the blog is on an outside ring. You don’t owe us anything, and we owe you all the comfort and understanding we can give.

  454. 100% right.
    And the “Ring Theory of Kvetching” that Michelle (just above me) cited? Brilliant. I am printing that out now!

  455. I am sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family and towards whoever you are protecting by not blogging. I think you are doing the right thing.

  456. Agree!
    Affectionately shared with you and your family…
    “Where there is love, there is life.” _Mahatma Ghandi

  457. As much as I love the way you share your life with me through your blog, I understand the need for temperance where your loved ones are concerned. You are right to let them have their dignity, especially at a time like this.
    Unfortunately, that means you have one fewer place to be able to air your rightly felt frustrations. Sending good thoughts your way in hopes that this trying time will not be too taxing on you.

  459. You never have to explain why you do or do not say something here. There are things that must stay private and in your heart. I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers as you go through this difficult time.

  460. 100% right. When it involves others, silence (discretion) is always the right choice.
    Best to you and yours.

  461. You are so wise, Stephanie — we’ll all be thinking of you and your family and sending love your way.

  462. I’ve always thought that if there wasn’t a reason for privacy, then we wouldn’t have a word for it. We do, so there is.
    Love the teaknit pic – that so sums up my knitting or spinning – knitting, sipping tea, looking out on nature – with electronic equipment that I’m looking through, not looking at.

  463. Of course we all understand – and we’ve all been there too. As much as we’d like to tell you that it’s all going to be ok and give you hugs, it might not be, and we can’t. Just know that we are sending you and your family as much love as possible through this web of knitting people you have connected over the years, and we’re wishing for the best for your family.
    <3

  464. Let your friend who is going through times know that we respect their privacy ad they have hundreds, or thousands, of knitters wishing things go well for them.

  465. I understand…just want you to know I am with you…respect your solitude, your silence too…

  467. The Blog loves what you choose to share and wants only the best for you. We respect your right to silence and privacy, in fact, we WANT you to have it so that you can come back to us when you are ready. Wishing you blessings, love and precious times.

  468. Respect. Love. Privacy. Honor. Integrity. I send you thoughts of strength.

  469. May your love sustain you through this loss and your strength outlast your sorrow.

  471. Prayers/good thoughts for you and the person/people in your life who need them.

  472. I appreciate that you have taken time and energy to consider us, the strangers that enjoy sharing your thoughts, wisdom, foils and life. When I miss your post, I’ll say a prayer.

  473. Good thing you’ve gotten so eloquent with the pictures, then, isn’t it?
    Hang in there, lamb.

  474. Right.
    Stand beside your loved one in the way that they need you to. Stand firm in the knowledge that we stand beside you. There appear to be hundreds of us standing beside you. Stand firm.
    When, or if, you need us, we are here. We cannot help you, but stand beside you. There are many over-gushing, excessive ways to share using the extraordinary features of the Internet. You don’t need those now. You need the knowledge that you do not stand alone. Stand firm.

  475. You’re right. Know that many of us are with you, putting our collective strength at your back.
    Remember to take care of yourself.
    Couarge.

  476. Absolutely right. Take your time. We understand. We’ve been there. And a blog is only a blog. We’re not entitled to your personal life. We’re only entitled to know the “outskirts” of you. Be well. We’ll wait.

  477. When I lost my brother, someone asked how I was doing, and I said, Fine, until someone is nice to me and then I fall apart. Sometimes, it helps to fall apart, and we respect your right to do it privately. We are with you in our hearts.

  479. Thinking of you in this difficult time. Take all the time you need, we will be here when you return.

  480. While I have greatly and deeply appreciated your posts that reach beyond the realm of fiber and touch my whole life – (especially the parenting ones!)- you are right on track in protecting the privacy of loved ones. I would recommend, however, that you still write about it – privately. I sense that writing is a healing and cathartic process for you, and this sounds like a time when you need it the most. Take good care of you and your healing. If you feel lost at anytime in how to keep in touch with “the blog” during these difficult times, do not fear. Pause. Breathe. The yarn will guide you.

  482. Right!!! I think its safe to say we all love you and respect you and support you. I hope whatever is happening happens in the least painful and most gracious way it can.

  483. I understand your dilemma and I applaud your decision. It is right and proper to honor the wishes of others. Just know that we are here for you and support you in whatever way you will allow. I will pray for comfort and peace, for your friend, and you and your family in this trying time.

  484. Through bitter experience I found that time is the one thing you can never have enough of. We’ll be here whenever you want to talk, and thinking of you when you don’t. Much love and hugs to you and yours.

  486. Dear person, you owe us nothing, but you give us love, laughter,and a place to go when we need a smile. Let us give back some love, and peace. Take the time you need, take the strength you have and the family that surrounds you. We will all be here when you can come back. Love to you and your family.

  488. Absolutely – your instincts are spot on – you must respect the wishes and feelings of the one on the journey. Thinking of you and your loved one while knitting. 🙂

  489. Your last post indicated something seriously bad was going on and I’m very sorry about that. I wondered if we would hear anything because you seem to be very careful about privacy–yours and that of people in your life.
    I think writing can be a source of solace for you, so may I suggest you write about this in a private journal?
    I adore your blog, and will wait until you’re in a place that you can write again. Take care.

  491. Steph–you are so wise. And I second the thought someone else shared about hoping to have a person like you by my side if I were seriously ill. You, my dear, are a sherpa in many ways….you help to usher in life, and now it sounds as though you may be helping to usher someone to the next life (depending on your beliefs). I, for one, would want you by my side.
    Remember to take care of yourself too, as you need to do that in order to continue to care for others. (Spoken from experience!)
    Take care and much love and care to you and your family.
    Tamara

  492. Steph,
    Youare absolutely right and we will support you however we can. I am sending love and prayers to you and yours.
    Judy

  495. I agree with the writing sentiment. It can be very cathartic and many psychologists recommend it to help process through pain, grief and trauma. You don’t have to publish it, read it, share it or even keep it. It is something you do for you.
    I wish the best for you and your family. You are, obviously from the comments, in many people’s thoughts, including mine.
    And that was a simply stunning fern photo.

  496. Please know that a lot of hugs and prayers are being sent to you. Having recently gone through a family problem, that could have ended in a disaster and is now seeming to be headed in the right direction, I know what you are going through. Peace to you and your family.

  497. Right in all ways. And a very beautiful example to the rest of the internet realm. Adding my best wishes and love to the collective and sending them to you and yours.

  499. Understood. You are an exceptional writer. I have so much respect for what you say and how you express it, too.

  500. I pray when I knit. You and your family and friends are in my knitting and my prayers. God bless you.

  501. No one needs to know everything. All we need to know is that you and yours need support and all you need to know is that we support you.

  502. I’m so sorry. I wish I could express my thoughts as eloquently as you. I’m remembering the times I’ve “hoed this row”, as we say in Tennessee, and just want you to know that I understand. You and your are in my thoughts and prayers. (Hugs!)

  503. Just as you have come to see us, The Blog, as some”one” to share with, we feel that we have come to know you intimately. While our sentiments are (mostly) altruistic collectively, I am sure, the truth is that The Blog may be a single entity, but its existence does not insinuate, or imply, the intentions of its individuals. And a single penny can derail a freight train, no matter the intentions or circumstances in which the penny ended up on the rail.
    There are stories that are ours to tell, and stories that we are only part of. Your part falls in the latter situation; you already know that. Perhaps there may come a time for you to share your part, but only you will know that
    .
    Anyone who IS part of YOUR story (in this case, The Blog) would not think that you should feel obligated to share a story that is not yours. That is not the story we are a part of. But we do understand that it does affect your part in another story. Thank you for explaining how it affects this story. That is enough and generous to boot.

  504. May the good Lord bless you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

  505. Many blessings to you & yours.
    Dianna, who commented above me, said it really well: “All we need to know is that you and yours need support and all you need to know is that we support you.”
    If there’s anything we can do to ease things for the person/people at the epicenter of this… Thing… I hope you’ll let us help in whatever way doesn’t infringe on privacy.

  506. reading your words has taken me back to february. to a journey i think you are making now. i sat, i waited, i cried. and i wanted to run far away. but in the end, i was there, for her, when it mattered. strange how something can be both a passage and a rite of passage. stay strong and take care!

  508. Completely appropos of nothing I was thinking of you today while watching a cartoon with my kids ‘Phineas and Ferb – Quietest Day Ever’ which has a silly sub plot about an online knitting test and I think they wrote you into it.
    Synchronistic a bit with the quiet. Not sure you are in the mood for a cartoon though. Hug your kids. That always helps me.

  510. Right.
    Be selfish. It’s appropriate. Thoughts & prayers for you & those you love.
    It’s always about the love.

  516. So sorry to hear that you’re going through hard times. Of course, take the time that you need, I’m sure we all understand. Much love to you and to your family.

  518. “we are all in a wild place.” I love that description, my family is in a wild place too at the moment, and those words rang like a bell in my heart.
    Blessings, love, light, and hugs to you and your loved ones, Stephanie. There are so many times where all we can do is try to keep someone company as they go through something difficult. (words fail me, but it’s damn hard to write dying or death or any of those things I’m trying so hard not to think about right now).
    And it’s hard on you, too, but it always seems like that is not very important. Take care of yourself, too. You are necessary.

  520. So sorry that heavy things are happening for you and your loved ones.

  521. Stephanie, you are in my prayers and thoughts during this obviously difficult time.

  523. So sorry. Similar thing happening in my household. Sharing advice you probably don’t need – expect not to think clearly, so scale back on any optional commitments. I make a lot of dumb mistakes these days. And a night-guard can avoid a lot of dental surgery, which is additional hassle nobody needs (speaking from personal experience).

  524. I have never posted before but follow you faithfully . Just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers.

  525. Dear Stephanie
    We will honor you & your family by wishing you grace in this difficult time – however things pan out we will continue to be your fans and respectful ones at that. You do a remarkable job of sharing your creativity with us and for that, I thank you.
    Whatever limits you feel are appropriate are – don’t sweat The Blog.
    We love ya!

  526. You’re completely right not to share. I just want to send you and your family lots of love, and i’m so glad you’re all there to support each other.

  527. Stephanie,
    I have the upmost respect for your discretion. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  530. My thoughts are with you and have been since the post about the book request. Life is wonderful and awful at the same time, sometimes. I’m wishing for some peace for you and your family. Hang in there.

  531. I add my “right” to your blog. Keeping a private blog, at times, is probably the best way to go. I send you, your family & friends all good thoughts and warm healing, loving light. Our shoulders all seem to be broad here, I add mine to the mix. A perfect stranger to you in every way, yet you are so familiar to me. Come here when it gets rough, read your own entries, especially if you need to smile or even laugh. It’s ok to do both even in extemely hard and stressful times. Blessed be to you all and to the wonderful people who have posted their support as well.

  533. Love and support. You don’t have to say anything, hon. Or you can say as much as you like. We understand. Knew when you wanted a book title for a dear one that something was amiss in your heart and life. Sending comfort and prayers for you and your loved ones..bless you

  534. “I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
    I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
    I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
    I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear
    much bigger.
    I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
    I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
    I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.” (Bob Perks)

  535. Cuando la pena es muy profunda, el corazón necesita acurrucarse, perderse de vista y acercarse a la fuente del amor. El silencio, las oraciones (no necesariamente religiosas), la necesiadad de respuestas a preguntas tan absurdas, se vuelven rutinas diarias. Nuestros seres queridos, familia y amigos, son entonces nuestra fuente inagotable de energía. Ya que cada día, debemos levantarnos y ver salir el sol.
    Stephanie, ésto, ésto tambien pasará. Bendiciones desde mi corazón. Mis oraciones están contigo. Ana B

  536. Right! So right, and so woefully under-practiced.
    Wishing you lots of strenght and love to see you through the hard times.

  537. Stephanie – I’ve read your blog from the beginning and while we have never met, spoken, or exchanged emails – I feel that you are a friend. As your friend, I respect your decision and need for privacy and time to be still. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones. Take care of your sick one, your family, and you and when you are ready, come back. In the meantime – a whole whack of knitters are sending good will your way.

  539. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I lost my mother 4 years ago and then a beloved aunt a year later. Its horrible and painful and draining. You do what you need to do. We’ll be here when you get back. Lots of love to you and yours. You will be in my mind and heart.

  540. I have often thought about starting a 2nd blog. I’d like to (almost neeeed to) write about my aging parents. I have so much to say. It would benefit me personally to get it all out, but I also think sharing my thoughts and feelings may just benefit others. Unfortunately, my parents read my blog, as do a few of their friends. So I don’t blog about them. And then days when ALL that is going on is stuff about my parents (which lately is often) my blog ends up with fluff on it/in it.
    I’ve taken to journal writing on this topic for now…and chatting it out with friends. But it’s not quite the same. I love my blog. It often helps me heal and stay sane.
    Sending vibes of love your direction.

  541. Take whatever time you need and keep whatever you need quiet. We are here for you and I am sure we are all thinking of you and yours. {{{hugs}}} and as much yarn as you need.

  542. Blessings to you and the circle of friends. It’s okay not to share. And okay to take quiet time to be with someone who needs to slip away surrounded by love.

  543. do what you must and know that we all love & support you and your family. May peace find you all.

  544. Saw this coming from your previous post. May it be the best it can be.
    Meanwhile, that first photo of the fern unfolding is a stunning piece of art. It belongs in galleries. It belongs on my wall. Sell prints as a fundraiser? I’m sure Franklin Habit can give you tips on the logistics…

  545. Do what you need to do. You have tons of unconditional support coming your way. <3

  546. So very right. You have my entire support and sympathy, and some strength and peace, if I can manage to send that through the ether to you.

  547. It’s so very difficult to be there as a very special person is ‘leaving.’ They are so very blessed to have such love around them.
    I wish you, and them, and yours much peace and understanding of theirs moving onward. May the length, and depth, and breadth of the kinship of your souls help each of you get thru this together.

  548. All the words have been said. Silence, Breath and Peace to you.

  549. Most of the time, all our stories are ours to tell, but sometimes they aren’t. The most important thing is to let our loved ones go with all the dignity and respect they deserve.
    Luck and love to you all. We’ll be here when you get back.

  550. It sadly seems as if there is a lot of this going around these days. I understand and sympathize. Take care of yourself and those you love. The rest is secondary.

  552. Blessings and prayers.
    Love and light.
    To you and all of yours.
    Take all the time in the world you need. The internet will be here with open arms when you’re ready for us.

  553. I have been there. Nothing ever really makes things better, but I can urge you very, very earnestly to talk to your local hospice.
    Actually, if your loved one is in a far away location, talk to that hospice too.
    Hospice people are the best people in the world. They provide love and caring for the folks departing this world, and an equal amount of love and caring for those of us who are sticking around.
    Blessings, prayers and well wishes.

  554. Right. Take care of yourself and your family, we’ll all still be here when you’re ready, and we’re all sending you all the positive energy we can muster to get you through this hard, hard time. Big hugs Steph, keep your needles busy xxx

  555. Keep breathing and helping your family to navigate through this time. When you have a chance and want to talk, why not start with something simple like what you are knitting.

  556. Hugs and prayers to you and your loved ones. We will be here when you get back!!!

  558. I’ve been thinking of you and your loved one. Life can be very, very hard sometimes. I hope all these loving wishes coming your way have helped.

  559. You are completely right, and good to even take the time to worry about it – Knit, love, and be strong. And a few tears are perfectly understandable.

  560. You’re absolutely doing the right thing, and there is no need to apologize. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

  561. I’ll be here as you come and go…and my prayers are up for you, and good thoughts sent your way. You do what you need to do, and know that those with whom you have connected understand. Peace.

  562. Prayers for you and your loved ones. May you be comforted by all the good times you have shared and are sharing with your loved one.

  563. I am sending you and your family love and lots of light and good energy. Sadness and grief can be overwhelming. Enjoy the tea and time that you have. And keep being your wonderful self, it suits you.

  564. Stephanie, you are amazing. Even when writing about not writing, your writing is exquisite. I have not read all of the preceding 560+ posts, but it’s obvious to me that a great many of us know that true friends are around for good times, bad times, rowdy times, and quiet times. Cyber hugs from far away. . .

  565. Dear stephanie, no need to apologize. I thank you for all that you have so generously shared of yourself over the years, and your delightful insights and humor. I wish you many happy reasons to post, for a long time to come.

  566. I have been away from the blog for a couple of months, just kind of busy… while I was knitting tonight, something popped into my head that I wanted to ask you…
    Then , I read your last few posts, and all I want to say is: I’m so sorry for the sadness in your life right now, and for the difficulty facing your loved one. I hope you and your loved one find comfort and peace in your time together.

  567. This is your best post ever. Absolutely the right decision. Pictures are enough for us, take care of yourself, you are doing the right thing. We’ll be here when you get back.

  568. Time and space is all we can give you while you and your family go through this. Take all you need.

  569. Go with your gut. If it calls for silence/discretion, go with it. As much as we might want to know, we don’t need to know… It’s ok. You can’t unring a bell.
    (((hugs)))

  570. Very right, Stephanie. There’s altogether too much private and personal info out in the intertubes. As a member of your virtual family, I thank you.
    My thoughts and good wishes are with you and the rest of your real family in this trying time. We all love you, and we’ll be here whenever you’re ready and/or needful.

  571. Of course it is all right. It is your blog after all and while you may feel closeness with your readers this is open public space after all.
    My thoughts are with you. Good luck to you and yours in this hard time. Just hang on and do what seems right.

  572. Unquestionably right. May your loved one, through you, feel the support of all of us who have come to care for Clan Harlot. Tell us, when you can, what books were enjoyed?

  574. Totally. It sounds like what you’re going through is rough right now, and I hope for moments of peace and comfort for you, your family, and your family member who is ill. And I also commend you for having the awareness to think to set up boundaries when it comes to sharing–especially about other people. I’m sure it means a lot to your family.

  576. Thoughts and prayers to you and yours. We will be here when you are ready. In the meantime you know we are behind you even if only in this ethereal thing we call the internet. You and your family have generated so much love around the world and now it is coming home to roost with you ?

  577. To answer your question: Right!
    Your “green” photos are incredibly beautiful and calming.
    Love and blessings, Hazel.

  578. Right.
    When my Grandfather passed away, I started a pair of gray 3-1 ribbed socks. I needed my hands to be busy, but my mind couldn’t focus on anything more difficult than k3, p1. I call them my Grieving Socks. I hope you’re able to find some comfort knitting during this time.

  580. Some things aren’t meant to be shared and that is OK. Being a part of someone who is coming full circle is an honor and it is deeply personal and moving and real. Don’t miss out on it, this is the time to come to peace and to enjoy those last moments and to give comfort and dignity and to sit silently and ponder and to read aloud and hold hands and hug and laugh and cry.

  581. Since I’ll be spending the next several days at the hospital with a family member and another just received a grim diagnosis, I hear you. Blessings for all of us as we seek peace…..

  582. We all so appreciate the wisdom and lovingkindness you show in keeping confidential things private. You have been in my thoughts & prayers since I had the joy of hearing you speak recently in PA & then how fun to see you at the airport the next day. I can only imagine what being away from home & returning to unthinkable news must be like. Praying for grace upon grace, strength, wisdom peace(like a river, through the whitewater rapids of life) and hope. will keep lifting you in prayer. Sandy in PA

  583. You need to deal with people face to face just now; the best way that you can. The virtual friends of the internet will be here when you are ready.

  585. Worry less. Knit more. And me, well, I’ll pray for you, your family, and your friends.

  588. My most positive thoughts and prayers for strength for you and all yours.
    Sincerely
    Gene Reyes

  589. Whatever it is (and that’s none of my business) I am holding you in the light. Much love.

  592. We are here for you to share your feelings with. But the details of your family are none of our business and should remain so. Just know that when you want to, we are here to listen to those ‘feelings’, not the specifics of your family or friends personal lives (medical or otherwise).

  593. sorry. It’s hard. (Exquisite fern btw) Intensive self-care. for me, I go to water. Sit. Skip rocks.

  595. My Mother passed on April 20th, at 4:22 in the morning, with all three of her kids at her bedside in the nursing home. She was 92 years, and almost two months old. She had seen life go from horse-drawn wagons to attending Space Camp in Alabama with my Dad. My sister texted me about 4 Friday afternoon to let me know that Hospice wanted us to come say our good-byes and I flew out the door of work, with my coworkers handing me tissues and hugs wrapped in love. I had brought two knitting projects to work on, and I thought of them several times during that long night, but I simply sat with Mom and let the waves of grief and peace wash over me, watching her breathe. When the angels came to take her Home, we cried and held each other close, knowing she was with God and Dad. Grief is like the ocean, a terrible storm that shatters lives and washes our daily structure away. But in time the sun shines again and we build anew, honoring our memories while creating new ones. May Peace, Love and Blessings wrap themselves around you and yours and bring you comfort as you walk this path.
    Helen

  596. sending you and your loved ones lots of warm thoughts and purrs. being in the moment is the right thing to do.

  597. I’m sorry to hear of your impending loss. Someone probably has already mentioned this book in the comments for your previous post, but The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe was very good.

  598. I, too, know people going through various things that would be inappropriate to share, that make me sad. I hope it goes as well as it can, as it doesn’t sound like it will actually get better…that whatever happens, happens as gently as possible. what else can we wish for each other?

  599. You have a wisdom of the heart that is somehow crammed in with all the love and care you have for others. I pray for mercy and kindness on your loved one. I beg understanding from all you encounter. I wish you peace.

  600. Hang in there. Loss is the hardest part of life eh?
    There have been times I COULD not bog for months…..
    I was amazed at the dear blog friends who returned when I posted again.

  601. I don’t comment often, but I wanted to add my voice to those who are holding you and your family in their thoughts/prayers.

  602. Stephanie: So sorry you are going through a painful family impending loss. Been there. Never easy.
    I loved your post. I understand that you cannot post personal info that involves others who would not want to share.
    But there is a bigger point here too. I see people all the time publish info on the Internet (Facebook, Ravelry, Blogs, etc) that really should not. People do “data mine” for information and use it against you. It is sad but true. Your house could be robbed because you posted you will be on vacation. I know legal aids who research on Facebook, and win child custody cases because of lifestyle choices that people post (words or pictures) about.

  605. Of course you are right! Only share what you feel you want to. Take care. Our thoughts are with you 🙂

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