December 13, 2012

Steady Now

I am leaving now.
I am getting in the car, and I am going shopping.
I have researched what are of the city has the maximum number of stores that I need in the smallest area.  It is a mall.
I have plotted a route there and home that takes me past the liquor store and the specialty grocery store.
I know where I am eating lunch.
I have a flowchart outlining not just what I am buying, but in which stores, in what order and how I will move from store to store in the most efficient manner possible.
I looked at the mall map.
I have uploaded this document to my phone.
My phone is charged.

If this works, when I come home I will not have to go to a store again this season.  If this works,  I will arrive home triumphant and victorious, with a car full of all the last bits and pieces that we need to make Christmas happen. If this works, there will still be a lot left to do, but none of it will involve shopping. and since nothing harshes on my Christmas mellow like a mall and buying things, and because I've never, ever liked any sort of shopping very much... and because the whole time I'm in those stores they're trying to tell me I need a bunch of stuff to be happy that I really don't need - but the lights are funny and I don't think they pump in enough oxygen and you can't see the sky and pretty sure you're leaving with tupperware that you don't need and some other light up thing that you're never going to plug in and you didn't get tape but you did get more bows even though you just worked out that there are more bows in the house than you would need if you were responsible for wrapping all the gifts for the 5th Brigade and Son of a Moth are you even kidding me I hate Tupperware and why does it always seem like a good idea in that stupid mall and you know what else? I don't like that you have to wear your coat the whole time you're doing it because I get really hot and that makes me crazy too and don't even get me started about the parking thing. I am parking two kilometres away on bloody purpose just so there's no way I have to be part of some sick human competitive thing to get your car into the closest spot. It takes less time to walk than to play that parking game  and how can that popcorn store have so many flavours, doesn't it seem like a lot? And I can never remember what door I came in.

If this doesn't work. Know that I loved you all. Rachel H knows what to do with the stash. 

Posted by Stephanie at December 13, 2012 9:43 AM