Be Still My Beating Heart

This little sweater is finished now, totally finished with buttons, a bath and everything, and it is exactly as I’d hoped.

Dear you hear what I just said? That’s a knitting miracle. Do you know how often in knitting something that you make is exactly as you hoped? Sure you do. It’s not a lot. 

Now think about what just happened here.  I had no yarn.  I started with 100% angora, straight off a bunny, and some gorgeous  CVM,  a chunk of a dirty fleece that my friend Judith tucked in my bag in February.  I processed the fibres, and carded them, and spun them – a big bobbin of each.  I plied them, finished the yarn, dried it and wound it into balls. 

I had no pattern, so I just started monkeying around a little bit, starting at the neck and knitting down until it looked "big enough" and then dividing for arms, placing buttonholes where they made sense as I went. 

I increased a little just after the armholes, because I like there to be a little extra room to go over a big cushy cloth diaper, and knit until it seemed right. Back to the sleeves, and I made those what seemed like a good length, then added about 5cm for cuffs – both because I like cuffs, and because it will give the sweater a longer lifespan. They can be unrolled when the wee thing starts to grow like a disease. I crocheted along the front edges, just to tidy things up.

When it was done I gave it a violent bath – hot water, cold water, quite a bit of scrubbing – I  really roughed it up. I wanted to bring up the halo of the angora, and I wanted to be able to tell the parents (with confidence) that it would need no delicate care.  When it was all dry this morning, I sewed on the wee buttons (tacking the front neck edges down, they always seem in the way on people who have no necks) and lay it out on my lap to look.*

It is a handspun, hand knit, designed on the fly sweater, and it is exactly what I thought it would be.  Think about that process, and marvel at my luck.  The processing could have gone wrong.  It didn’t. The yarn could have gone wrong,  It didn’t. The knitting could have gone wrong, it didn’t.  I could have lost the buttons, the shoulders could have been strange, the neck could be too big (I like a big neck on baby sweaters. It’s easy to overshoot), the gauge could be weird, that could be the wrong number of buttonholes…  but none of those things happened and this sweater is just as it was in my mind when I started.  It’s a miracle. An amazing miracle.  It doesn’t shed, not one little bit, and it is so soft that it’s going to make the baby seem like sandpaper.  It’s freakin’ perfect and you know what else it is?


I know. I can’t hardly stand it either. Darn it, it’s just so perfect.
All I need now is a baby.

238 thoughts on “Be Still My Beating Heart

  1. It’s absolutely perfect, but just as a wake-up call, be careful what you ask for. LOL
    (mother of 5, grandmother of 12 and I am still in recovery mode)

  2. Just plain WOW! If I were one of your nearest and dearest, I might be tempted to produce a baby just to honor. It is unbearably cute!

  3. Wow, Steph, the process you went through just makes the sweater all that much more precious. And then the picture of the set? Made me swoon. Very, very sweet. Seriously, just perfect. 🙂

  4. Sometimes when life is being on the rubbish side, something comes along that Just. Goes. Right. Very satisfying, and happy-making for all those who wish you well!

  5. You did all of that with no baby ready for it? Well, then whoever the next one is that comes along in your circle of friends and family is going to be one lucky baby. It’s like a magic sweater and bootee set.

  6. Gorgeous! Parents and baby will love it–parents for its beauty and baby for its softness.
    I truly know what you mean about your luck. I knitted two pairs of booties for an expected baby; took one bootie of each pair to the store to find matching buttons for one pair and ribbon for the other. Then I put the booties in the bag with the buttons and ribbon and lost the cotton-pickin’ bag! So I now have one of each pair with no closures–too frustrating for words. I gave up and gave her a store-bought present when she arrived.

  7. So, so very sweet. Congratulations to the new parents, who will surely treasure it while it lasts.

  8. I have a baby. She’s pretty darn cute, you know, just in case you need a model and all. It might get lost in the mail on the way back though.

  9. What an ego boost when you most need one! And it’s a SET!!! Wonderful! I can almost feel it because of your terrific photos and description. Thanks, Steph, for all you do.

  10. My little one is 11months old, and that adorableness just makes me want another one!

  11. It really is a perfect set. That will be a lucky baby who gets to wear those. A photo of that set modeled on a baby may be too much squee for the Internet to handle, though.

  12. I was going to make a joke about you accidently laying it in poison ivy for the photo shoot, but I don’t have the heart. It is lovely! I’m glad.

  13. That last statement seems like the sort of thing it might be dangerous to say out loud. Maybe not, but… maybe.

  14. I can’t help but notice that I shall be having a baby in 11 days….
    Just say’n 😉

  15. I am inspired! I have the angora (in fact I have the bunnies) and I have a whole CVM fleece. I could do something similar. But I also need the baby. Note to self: speak to son and daughter-in-law about this issue while visiting them this weekend.

  16. I’m always amazed if a handknit sweater comes out exactly the way I want it. If one spins and plies the yarn also, then makes up the sweater on-the-fly, that’s impossible. OK. It’s official. I do believe in miracles!

  17. Very, VERY impressive. You basically did everything but grow the fiber yourself. Sam’s thinking, “Mum, don’t you think you make it a bit small (for me)?” Or maybe it’s “Please get this widdle bitty thing away from me before I completely lose my mind.” It’s hard to tell.

  18. Stephanie, you are being guilty of typical female thinking. ” If things go wrong, oh dear, it’s all my fault. If things go well, I’m soooo lucky!” (Just the opposite of others we could mention.) Well to heck with that! I remember your posts when you were trying to spin the yarn. You tried several different things, and wouldn’t accept anything that wasn’t entirely right. And what are all your years of knitting experience, chopped liver? The appropriate subtitle for this episode is “fortune favors the prepared mind.”

  19. So perfect! There is only one way to make it better: to see the new baby wearing them, showing off the love and the skill.

  20. Inspiring! I am off to buy ice for ice dyeing in big buckets – throwing in some wool stuff I have at home. And I’ve been spinning shetland in the mornings before work. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous stuff and exceptional process notes – inspirational. Thank you!

  21. Perfection in every way! I’m in that ‘tween stage too….. ‘tween having my own babies and the grandbabies to come.

  22. It’s about time something went well for you, with all the stuff happenin’ in your life right now. The set is so cute it brings tears to my grandmotherly eyes!

  23. Are you taking orders for larger versions? (absolutely freakin adorable!) and the fuzziness? Perfection. Nuf said.

  24. Damn you! I just blurted out a string of cooings and babblings. I sounded like deranged grandma.

  25. Lovely – now you just need a copy of Pat the Bunny to accompany it. Glad the whole process went smoothly from vision to fruition.

  26. Oh it is unbearably cute. That right there is the reason we knit; because when it all comes together it is perfect and magical.

  27. Why not get your own angora rabbit, then you could REALLY cut out the middle man? (*snicker*)
    No, seriously, that set of booties and topper is totes adorable!

  28. Ooh ooh! I have a baby right here! Sure it’s nearly July and we live on Massachusetts, but I’m sure he’d see the benefit of being able to look just that adorable, in spite of the heat.
    Well done! I’m knitting vicariously through you and other bloggers until this one develops an independent streak and doesn’t think it’s the bees knees to nap in my arms and spend much of the rest of his day nursing, being held, or being changed.

  29. Absolutely gorgeous; but I have a question: will the booties actually stay on? – I’ve seen so many patterns for that style, but always wonder how effective they will be on a small foot.
    The set needs a beanie……

  30. I am in awe. I knit a sweater two years ago, and the owner (not a baby) declared it perfect. It was his second sweater, the first knit 30 years before. I was thrilled, as you must be. I’m pretty sure the babies will be lining up, Steph.

  31. A gorgeous set, and reminds me of ‘all the skilled things I had to do ‘ to make your February Lady sweater way back when, the miracle of turning fluff into garments. It’s always a miracle, no matter how many times it happens, the wonder of turning dirty, base things into gold.

  32. Just. Absolutely. Perfect.
    I bow before your awesome skills.
    Do I correctly recall that you have a new niece or nephew on the way?

  33. What you need is a baby who is not allergic to angora. I only say this because I am allergic to it. My eyes run, and become a mess when I am around it. Same result with cashmere, and mink. Thank goodness I am not wealthy, so the mink and cashmere allergies are not a problem. My sister used to have a mink coat, and I could not stand next to her when she wore it. Enough about me. But never the less, it is a sweet sweater and shoe set!

  34. You gotta love a matching set! Life doesn’t get any better than that…….

  35. So lovely! I’m glad something went right & easy during this difficult time. If you’re still looking for a baby I’ve got one due at the beginning of November! 😀

  36. You are always so amazing but this time you outdid yourself. Unbearably cute!

  37. The unbearable cuteness must set off “Must. Have. Baby.” hormones. Lovely sweater and booties!

  38. The set is so cute it makes me want to go back in the baby-making business – years after the lights went out on that factory. Please revel in the perfection that this is. You deserve it! See you in CO.

  39. It’s amazing how much “luckier” you get at things you really practice and enjoy. Double dare you to make a little hat to match 😉

  40. Victory! It’s an adorable set (as many have said before me)! A baby just has to come along soon-it’ll be drawn to you by the cuteness. Well, maybe not you, but someone you know and love. Well done.

  41. that baby will be the cutest, fluffiest little thing ever – here’s hoping they have a fall/winter ETA given the warmth, though I suppose air conditioning or the coolness of summer evenings is also good! I love the buttons.

  42. I scrolled back up cause I thought of poison ivy also. Whew that would have been awful. ( Many moons agoI got poison ivy up to my elbows from washing a fleece!) I love the button down “collar” and the widdle booties. Well done. Have a great weekend.

  43. Steph,
    You deserve to have this turn out just as you had planned!! Glad it did!

  44. When I once asked my late stepmom why she kept a a stash of baby blankets she had knitted, she responded with this bit of wisdom: “Babies are like buses. You may have to wait a while, but one will be along sooner or later.”

  45. I LOVE the front edges tacked down to look like lapels. Buttoning up a sweater on a no-neck, no-chin sweetie always makes them look so overstuffed.
    Go ahead and enjoy your success. It’s good to see some balance in your life. ((Hugs))

  46. I am neither near or dear to you, being an internet stranger, but I’ve got a baby coming in December. You know, since you need one and all 🙂
    It’s adorable.

  47. Oh, Stephanie… it’s perfect. If I were you, I would hug and snuggle and cling onto that bit of perfect for dear life. You certainly deserve this little goodness right now.
    Sending positive thoughts your way!

  48. Steph, EZ would be smitten with the cuteness. She would also probably say, “Of course you could do this!!” Knit on, knit on, knit on.

  49. Kudos to you for that wonderful specimen of baby adorableness! The baby that gets wrapped in that sweater/bootie set is one lucky wee one!

  50. OMG – the most adorable thing EVER!!!!
    Congratulations on bringing your mind’s-eye to life!

  51. oh the perfection of it all! Be proud and recognize that the only thing you didn’t do was shear the d… sheep. Given the opportunity you probably could!

  52. You amaze me. I hope I turn out to be half the woman you are. You juggle so many responsibilities and keep everyone’s plates spinning while struggling with the grief you’ve shared with us…and create little bits of wonderful on your way! You really are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

  53. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful!!!
    I am definitely not surprised one little bit with the way it turned out.
    I think you don’t give yourself enough credit for being the Master Knitter that we all know you are!

  54. Wonderful! I keep clicking on the photos to make them bigger and maybe make them appear in front of me to gaze at and touch! The booties were one thing, the sweater was another thing, but the booties WITH the sweater is too much – too much.

  55. Beautiful! And so cute it triggers every maternal instinct I have…
    On another note, I’ve also recently been in a place where I need simple knitting because I can’t take one more hard thing. I found a pattern, Cameo, by PaulinaP on Ravelry. I’m using Shalimar Yarn’s Breathless, and its been just the ticket. Luxurious yarn that makes me feel like I’m treating myself (but only 2 skeins, so it doesn’t totally break the bank) and mind-numbingly simple knitting. I know you’re a sock lady at heart, but Toronto residents can always use one more scarf right?

  56. Exactly as you wanted it – Someone was thinking of you. That’s only happened three or four times IN MY LIFE of knitting. Job well done!

  57. Need a baby? I have one in production … maybe 10 days to go … maybe she will come today 😉

  58. Aaaah! It’s probably a good thing I’m past having babies. That is just perfect.

  59. I’m right up there with Christina, also waiting for our firstborn who can’t be more than two weeks away! Of course I’ve been knitting for months and I think the child will be warm at least until it’s two…
    Lovely sweater and I love the buttons!

  60. It’s the sweetest little sweater and booties, AND an incredibly satisfying experience. Life doesn’t get better than this! Love

  61. If you REALLY need a baby, I’m 38 weeks pregnant…just saying. 🙂 btw, it’s adorable, and I’m glad to see that something has gone as you wanted recently.

  62. Luck?? I think not…talent ! And the universe knowing you needed a little something to go right …..

  63. The perfect gift. Just love it! Please share the pattern so we can make too. Love Love Love it!

  64. I’d offer up my first born (due in September), but it is too precious to offer up to anybody but the closest of friends and relations. It makes me want to coo and speak baby talk, which isn’t something I’m inclined to do!

  65. Hey, I hear that some big-name family in England is having a baby shortly. 🙂

  66. Widdle teeny booties with a widdle teeny matching sweater.
    That is just stunning.
    Almost makes me want to have another baby, just to make something like that to dress it in.

  67. WOW that is beautiful and to think its straight from beginning to end. I need to do that since I’m going to be a grandmother in November. Very cool and something that can be handed down from generation to generation. You did a great job.

  68. I love it! I love it! I love it! I am having a baby in 6 weeks! This would be perfect for her….just saying. Maybe a Karma gift?…I’m on the list. Leaving today to see you, will be at your lecture tomorrow and class on Sunday…can’t wait!!!

  69. So sweet! You are not helping my baby fever over here! Suddenly I remember how nice being pregnant was. (BTW – it was not either time, but when you see sweet little baby sweaters and booties your memory suddenly gets very fuzzy).

  70. How sweet! And how wonderful that during a challenging time in your life you can spin and knit a bit of perfection.

  71. That is the most perfect baby sweater…and matching booties!…ever! EVER, I say! And you made it from a pile of bunny fir and dirty fleece…completely from scratch. It’s gorgeous.
    That’s one lucky baby!

  72. I’m not a baby person and darn this wants me to just melt. For a sweater designed on the fly you did an excellent job!

  73. And this one tiny thing in your life, this one small miracle, is perfect. At this time, in this place, you have achieved perfection, and it is good. Take a deep breath, feel that seep into your pores, and smile. That should give you a bit of a boost over the next few days as you deal with the rest of it.

  74. Hey, Stephanie? I’m not due until July 3. I have some pretty important writing to finish first. Please stop with the contraction-inducing pictures until I’ve finished my writing– I promise I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve finished, OK?

  75. Know what I love about knitting? Seeing love, skill and care manifested in something that will keep a beloved warm for a long time. You have done that, with the added joy of having a vision become real. Congratulations!

  76. And lo, the Universe said, Steph NEEDS a win right now, and lo, the Universe delivered with a big old smile on its face. Absolutely gorgeous. You are amazing.

  77. Hall-of-Fame worthy. That’s gorgeous. I’m knitting up a storm for our first little guy (ETA: October 1), so I know I’m particularly vulnerable to the cuteness of a well-conceived baby knit, but my GOODNESS. That’s pretty darn amazing, start to finish.

  78. Best thing about being pregnant AND being a knitter.. so many awesome projects that I know no one else’s child will have 🙂 This is beautiful! You’ve inspired me to hurry up and finish the baby blanket (for my BFF who already had her babe, OOPS!) so i can get going on some stuff for my little girl 🙂

  79. First – totally brilliant. I just knit, not all the other stuff, so it’s super impressive.
    Second, I assumed there would be immediate calls for a pattern. I read the first comments and skimmed the rest (very quickly, so could have easily missed it) but I never saw a mention of a wish for a pattern.
    Third, maybe I missed your talk about creating a pattern somewhere else?
    Fourth, if I haven’t missed it and you haven’t mentioned it, could I request (urgently) that you offer up your pattern for sale? I hope you took notes while you knit!!
    Fifth, my two sons are in their early twenties, and no grandchildren should be forthcoming anytime soon, but someone will have a baby and I’ll want to knit this and I would love it if you might share your pattern!
    Sixth, SO well done, I do hope your pleasure is immense!

  80. It’s gorgeous! Any chance on a pattern? My best friend had two miscarriages in the last six months, one due to getting hit by a bus and the other over the stress of her husband losing his job. (He has another one now. ) I want to make something super special because she’s pregnant again and far enough along to be safe! Any suggestions ladies ?

  81. Absolutely perfect! So perfect it makes me want to have a baby to wear one. But alas I can’t compete with my grandsons for multiple reasons, the main one being most obvious!

  82. Beauty, creativity, softness celebrating the newness of Life in the midst of sadness, grief, chaos and death? That’s a Blessing right there…

  83. ummm, my beautiful sweetie-pie cousin Chiara is due to give birth to her first daughter in a week…..just sayin 😉

  84. GAH! So cute and wooly! And it’s a set! *spazzes*
    Also, there’s a asterisk lurking in the middle there. Unresolved footnote?

  85. this is the process of an artist. You envisage the final piece and you work confidently towards it. I love this little fluffy bunny top and slippers and I really enjoyed this post.

  86. it is amazing, when you think of how often our projects turn out all wrong, or all different, and all the things that can mess with us as we go along, that we actually keep on knitting!!! It’s perfect!!!

  87. Lambie, the Knitting Goddess know what’s going on in your life and how hard you’re trying and she just gave you a kiss on the forehead and a pat on the fanny. Well done, you.

  88. Oh, it’s SO darling! And cushie, and sweet looking. Love that the Knitting gods were smiling upon you (and that soon-to-arrive baby)!!

  89. WOW. Just beautiful. You received a reminder — the journey can be fun … when a few things line up. …. Patting your back from Chicago.

  90. So adorable! I know exactly what it is like to see something in your mind and have it come out perfectly…it has happened to me only one time. My now daughter-in-law (and I got a really good one) asked me if I could make a shrug for her wedding. She showed me a picture… of machine made lace…and asked if I could come close. I saw something in my head and just started knitting, and it worked. It was a knitting miracle, especially when we found out a week before the wedding that the sample dress sat 6 inches higher on her back than the real dress and I had to figure out how to make that work without a huge gap between the shrug and the top of the dress. Maybe it worked because I was making it for someone special and for such a special occasion… I don’t know but it was perfect.

  91. It’s Gorgeous!
    But it’s driving my batty – what is the asterisk supposed to footnote to? There’s *NOTHING* for it.

  92. Thanks for the progress and FO pictures. The jacket and booties ARE perfect.
    I’m wishing you and your family peace.

  93. I’m having a baby! 🙂 lol My last and only surprise baby (will be number 4 though). Hoping I have the spare time and energy to knit something fabulous like this. whatever baby gets the set is a lucky baby indeed.

  94. Can you imagine — a cute baby (someone’s) and the perfect cute set to style him/her up in! You did good. Bask in the good vibes and pick up that sock yarn to work on on the trip – but not plain, plain yarn. We want you soothed, not bored. We want you to feel all the love that is coming your way from out here in the universe.

  95. I suspect by “all you need is a baby” that you mean one you know. But if that isn’t part of the criteria, I think my 4 week old son would look lovely in it. I do think that it might not get too much wear in Hawaii. Alas… 🙁 beautiful!

  96. Squeals! As if the “Sweater Magic” wasn’t enough. You had to do a shock and awe with the cutest of booties! Looking forward to the day when my talents are as awesome. Have a good day.

  97. Hmmm, I wonder (from the comments mostly but also the adorableness) how many babies might be coming along because of this post.

  98. I love the lime buttons on that soft pale grey. It is so perfect, so squishy, so generously shaped for a little chubby body…it makes me want to cry! (and I have 3 grandsons, so I’ve not exactly been starved of baby comfort.) I’m so glad you’ve produced something so instinctively ‘right’ at the same time as life is being so challenging.
    And crochet?? Crochet edging? Useful, isn’t it?!

  99. Nice job, what an amazing project! But I am sorry to say that it does not bode well for your next project, karma-wise.
    Probably you should start a dumb project you don’t care about, so that when it goes horribly wrong, you won’t be too upset.

  100. You deserve something to go perfectly with all the challenges you have going on right now. The set is beautiful!

  101. I LOVE the number of people willing to take that sweater off your hands for their little ones. But my best laugh of the day went to:
    Hey, I hear that some big-name family in England is having a baby shortly. 🙂
    Reading posts over my name that I didn’t recognize freaked me out at first. Then I calmly realized there are two Wendys posting. What a relief.

  102. NOTHING I’ve ever made has turned out exactly as I wanted it! You are very lucky with this sweet little set. I almost burst into baby talk just looking at it! Well done!

  103. Wow, perfection on every step, it doesn’t happen often. Savor the glow because babies do vomit on everything. I’m attempting a winter coat with my own hand spun & design. Sure hope it turns out as well as this beautiful set, & yes, my old ovaries spasmed on the booties.

  104. Isnt that exactly what women used to do? Pretty amazing. I think that you might have graduated to the level of skill that I would call “inate”. You understand the processes of fiber, spinning, knitting something w.o. a pattern. pretty freaking amazing. Woot!

  105. Beautiful! So why doesn’t it shrink or felt when you wash it in hot and cold and scrub it? Or did you plan on that and make it bigger so that it would turn out the right size?

  106. Just stunning! What a beautiful gift that will be to a lucky baby and their family. I hope you will be able to blog photos of the future recipient wearing your creations.

  107. It is beauteous…and yes, perfect. I envy the baby that it finds it’s way to…You deserve this one, Stephanie.

  108. I would be very careful getting Sam all worked up about booties and sweater sets, or there MIGHT be a baby soon. Oops
    (that is just perfect too, it is inspirational!)

  109. Just freaking adorable! I actually DID try to touch it through the screen. I hope you come across the lucky baby-recipient soon!

  110. Welcome to borrow one of my twins to wear it till your baby for the sweater comes along. Grin. Of course mine are 9 months now, so not sure it’d fit but my girl twin is tiny for her size. Very beautiful sweater and maybe it’s some karmic balancing for the current rough times.

  111. I needed to read about a project gone right! I just spent the morning trying to sand a point back into my circulars because the kitten somehow chewed the point off….

  112. With all the personal sadness you are experiencing, it is fitting that something balanced it out by going exactly the way you wanted it to.

  113. The sweater is absolutely perfect. And the matching little booties are equally adorable.
    I love how you hit on the truths about knitting. In this post you wrote how very few knitted projects turn out exactly how we wanted them to. So true!
    And tacking down the collar is genius, because we all forget how babies don’t really have necks until confronted with dressing one.
    Your insights and honesty are the reasons I always buy your newest book!

  114. talk about karmic balance. This is your little oasis of fulfillment and accomplishment to do its little bit to balance out the crap that is otherwise going on. Kudos to the universe.

  115. It’s funny how things work, isn’t it? A nice little gift, I think. Knitting really is an oasis when nothing else seems like it’s going right. Here’s hoping the sweater ushers in many more good things in the future.

  116. It’s a nice sweater. Just a wording comment: “Be still my beating heart” may be a famous quotation from 1705, but to me it sounds like a death wish. I prefer “be steady” – that allows the heart to keep beating.

  117. i happen to know that there will be a baby arriving in mid-to-late september in eugene oregon. it will be sweater wearing weather there then.
    just saying. if you are still on the lookout for a baby. i will volunteer my grandchild to be that baby.

  118. Perfect comes from lots of knowledge, experience and hard work. Yours all came together beautifully!

  119. Please tell me there is a baby this is going to! It is just too cute not to have someone wear it. (I’m sure you’ve got that all planned out already though. I just had to say it or it would choke me.)
    There’s this darling little baby chick dress I came across once. I have given up on making it because it seems to call for intarsia knitting. I attempted it two or three times before giving up in despair, but perhaps that was because I was trying it in acrylic yarn. I am almost at home with knitting fair isle, so maybe someday in the very distant future, I will try it again.
    I didn’t have a baby to give it to either, but I am sure that I could find one if I needed to.

  120. For a sweater that was knit on the fly with no pattern? Shoot.It’s darling. I’m sure there’s a baby somewhere just dying to wear this. Right, moms?

  121. Oh. My. My heart just went thumpa-thumpa-thumpa at the sight of THE BABY SET!!! It’s lovely. Wonderful. Creative. Sweet. Adorable. And all those other words.
    You did well!

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  123. It is perfect and gorgeous! Some baby is going to be darned lucky! The little shoes/booties are just too much. I would have squeed, but half of the people in my house are asleep!

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