I was just sitting here wondering how I catch you all up on everything from the last little bit because there has been so very, very much and I thought I’d start there. Holy cats, wing of moth, what a lot has happened – or maybe it’s not really that much and just feels like it because of one enormous thing that’s made everything else so much trickier.
As I mentioned in my last post, I have been feeling like trash. No- wait. Hot trash. I’ve been catching everything that goes by for ages and never feeling like I catch up health-wise which leads to me feeling really behind on everything else (because I am) which was stressing me out and making me feel worse, and then I had several really scary … episodes, is I guess what you’d call them, and the whole thing culminated in a really terrible trip to the ER on Family Day weekend, which then wound up being emergency major abdominal surgery two days later. 0/10, do not recommend, and it was such a traumatic experience that I don’t even want to write about it yet.
I do recommend having fantastic kids and a great husband who all busted a move taking care of me and replacing my efforts around the house once I got home. I felt so crummy for the first week afterwards that not much of anything happened, though when conscious I did make really decent progress on that baby blanket I was working on the last time we spoke.
I was supposed to fly out for a visit to a friend just a week after surgery, and then go on to the Spring Retreat at Port Ludlow, but my surgeon said I couldn’t fly for two weeks so I rearranged everything, cried into my pillow a little, and then put all my efforts into making sure that I was in the best possible shape to go and work at the retreat. (Also, I finished that baby blanket, I’ll show it to you when the recipients are in possession of it. It’s still making it’s way to them and I don’t want to spoil the surprises.)
Let me tell you – the day that I headed to the airport to wing my way west, I was not my usual chipper self. I managed to get it together by the time I got there, and Debbi’s a formidable powerhouse who made the whole thing possible but I am convinced that it was the power of my will and how much I love the retreats and the knitters that come to them that got me through that thing.
When I got home I went to bed and… well. I stayed there for about 24 hours – I think I slept almost 14 hours straight, and when I got up I was determined. I was saying all sorts of things like “enough is enough” and “time to get it together” and boy was I sick of not being well. I was tired of the restriction that I can’t lift anything, tired of being exhausted by the end of every day – absolutely fed up with wasting time on crap like naps and early bedtimes and stupid rests with lame cups of tea. I got up and I gave the week my all. Determined to muscle through we celebrated Charlotte’s birthday and gathered to observe the anniversary of her death, and I cooked and cleaned and organized and I suppose what happened was predictable.
It didn’t work. All I’ve been trying to do is go, go, go, and all I hear from my body is no, no, no, so for the next few days I’m going to give up, as gracefully as humanly possible. I’m going to knit. I’m going to work quietly at my desk. I’m going back to rests and naps and lame cups of tea. (I actually like tea, I don’t know why I’m so mad at it.) I’ve started another baby blanket, if you can believe it – one more epic and then I think there’s a lull in the baby train for a bit. I’m only at the centre for this one, if I can truly rest and knit today then I’ll be blocking it tonight, and pick up all around for the edging tomorrow.
This one’s got a pretty epic set of borders, so the middle is comparatively wee. Tonight while it’s blocking (do you hear that optimism it is so impressive) I’m going to work on my SISC socks.
Shocker – I’m behind on these. The rules (they are my rules so I can break as many as I want) of the Self-Imposed-Sock-Club say that I’m to knit 10 rounds per sock per day – but it turns out that there’s an invisible asterisk by that rule, and it reads “unless I am rushing a blanket”. So.. behind I am, and it feels right and valid – at least when it comes the socks.
Sigh.
You are doing the best you can, but do mind the doctor, because the price to go at your normal speed isn’t worth the penalty. Everyone who loves you understands your frustration and will pick up the slack, but we all want you back in fighting form, however long it takes. I broke my ankle 15 months ago and am still in low gear. I am getting up to speed slowly, and want nothing more than my old life back.soonest. I’m with you all the way.
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I’m so sorry you’ve been sick. I know it is hard to shift into neutral and let others take care of you, but take the advice I’m confident you’d give others and listen to your body and rest and heal. I hope you feel better very soon!
Bed, again? Tea, again? Slacker.
(I said nicer things when we texted, but this space is for entertainment. Mostly mine.)
I can’t speak for us all, I love the entertainment your comments bring!
Popcorn coming up š
– we all love you Prebytera! Or rather we look forward to your succinct/ off the wall comments, usually erudite and thought-provoking
As the kids I know say, “I feel ya”…but, the good thing is you can still function to knit and to be lovely to those you care about and there is somewhere deep down that you alone can feel that says, “C’mon, we got this There are blankets and socks and we finally DO have the time to sit and knit or read or color or sing to ourselves without being rushed to tend to stuff others can do FOR US. C’mon girl, we’ve got this!” And just in case I can do something to help, Ken has my address and my phone number. Love from California!
What would you be telling your kids if they’d had the surgery? Rest up, take it easy, these things take time. You are just as human as they are, you need to be doing the same things you’d tell them to do.
Please take it easy and one day at a time. I donāt know how you were able to travel out west and get back in one piece. You are a Scottish fighter and are strong. Take care, dear friend (from approx.) 1985. CANADA Strong
Rotten for you. Butā¦in a way, its good, because hopefully now you will heal and no longer get sick all the time, but go from strength to strength.
I can feel your impatience to be better, but remember the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race. Play some peaceful music, chat to friends, read a good book or three, knit, nap and sip tea.
Actually, thatās almost my idea of heaven – just substitute coffee for tea and its there ;-))
Maybe this is to teach you how to relax, you know? Life has a way of teaching us things we didnāt know that we needed to learn.
Iām so sorry to read of all your travails. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the same space to heal you would encourage for others. But I also want to say how lovely it is to read you today. It brings back all those days of knitting blogs and the friendships we all made through them. Itās a horrifying time here in the States and itās comforting to know that you are there, still knitting through your own hard times. Thanks for continuing to spread your light.
Do whatever you damn well please. If thatās shouting and complaining, fine. If thatās being Noble and Stoic, fine. And everything in between. Whatever helps you get through this (rather long) rough spell itās all ok. You will get through this one way or another. If that includes a couple of gorgeous baby blankets, Iām impressed. There are a lot of us out here on Team Stephanie, you have our caring and support.
Get well soon. Remember, sleep is a very good medicine and helps our body to heal. You’ll see improvement soon as spring asserts itself more and more. I find sitting in a sunny window (to knit or snooze) is very restful and healing. Tea in a real teapot is wonderful and a real help to good health. I think it also gives one courage!
We love you, Stephanie!
Sending good vibes your way to a speedy return to normal. Thank you for the post. Always love seeing what you are up to.
I hope you heal and feel better soon. Itās horrible to be dragging around and just have no go. Be kind to yourself to rest, rushing it doesnāt help and can just make it take longer.
I 100% support whatever whining, tea, yarn, or bribes it takes though. Getting well is not for the weak and we need all the help we can get to survive it. It is Beyond Annoying ā¦ (lets us use that here in publicā¦ my true thoughts are much much more sweary).
I know it’s incredibly boring to be resting so much, but please do listen to your body. You will get back to 100% so much faster if you do.
Yep. Take a break when needed or your body will force you to do so. I’ve lived my life with chronic illness, and as I settle in to middle age it’s interesting to see how many of my friends are just now learning what I have long known – force of will doesn’t always prevail. This is not a failing. It’s the reality of life in a human body.
When I had my colon out my doctor warned me that progress is non-linear, that it was okay and normal to have bad days after good ones in recovery, and (he stressed several times) take it easy.
Take good care of yourself. Knitting beautiful things and the happy anticipation of making someone else happy with it is the best remedy. Much love to you and your family.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers. In this instance, listen to your body not your mind – or it will surely get your attention one way or another. (Ask me how I know…) Echoing others with a gentle reminder that healing takes its own path in its own sweet time. Take care and be well…
Bonnie
Please take care of yourself! We (and I have no doubt all the people around you) want you to be healthy rather than push too hard and not keep healing.
We’ll be here and ready to hear about the knits when you can.
It takes a tremendous amount of energy for your body to heal from something like surgery. Remember that when you think you’re doing “nothing.”
So sorry to hear of all of this stress. I can’t imagine an emergency abdominal surgery that could score higher than 0/10, so thanks for confirming that one is still not on my Bucket List.
I hope the lame cups of tea (and knitting) help heal the body and soul, and maybe some warm hints of spring will work a few flowers up from the depths for some extra wind in your sail. From my heart to yours š
Another vote for dong what it takes to rest and recover. Boring tea, knitting, naps. All good. Your body will thank you later.
(I’ll thank you now for the blog post.)
I’m so sorry that you were so dreadfully ill! Please take care to get enough rest!
Itās incredibly hard to slow down when youāre used to being extremely productive and helping your extensive family and friends with whatever they need. Not fun at all when your body tells you it wont play by your rules! Resting is tough but required for healing and GI issues take a long time. Putting in the time now, as frustrating as it is, will hopefully allow you to get back in the game without getting sick or worse over and over. Sending you lots of love and good wishes for as speedy recovery as possible and patience for the process!
So sorry youāve had to go through this, Stephanie. As many have already said, please do listen to your body and do whatever it takes for however long it takes so you can heal well. Huge hugs.
Hoping you feel better soon;; take care of you as much as you can. (And I know it probably will alternate between what your body needs and not going stir crazy!) Such is life. We’re all cheering for you.
RN now retiredā¦. Listen to your body and take as much time as you need. Even though it may look as though youāre healed on the outside, it takes 6-8 weeks for the inside to knit back together properly. Let your body weave in its ends! Hugs
āLet your body weave in its ends.ā Love that!
Iām so sorry your health has been yanking you around lately, and that itās been so hard . Best wishes to you.
I’m waiting for the abdominal surgical jokes from you… My mother having had double below knee amputations, was amazed how often she heard her self-talk, “you’ve got to stand on your own two feet, and get on with things”, until she would realize the truth of it. Take time to heal.
Having been sick/hospitalized for most of 2024 I sympathize with your illness. Donāt fight getting better. I love tea as well (Thank heavens for Murchies1), but must admit that chicken broth is a miracle and much better for illness. Drink up! Embrace the nap!! Keep knitting!!! Youāll feel better before you know it.
So sorry that you’ve been ill! Sending you healing vibes. It’s good to hear your recent exploits.
I just went through the same sort of thing, but with me it was heart surgery. My mind kept telling me that I could do anything but my body wasn’t listening. My mantra to keep me from doing bad things was “How embarrassed will you be if you end up in the ER and have to admit you weren’t following doctor’s orders, and how much longer will that add to your down time”. That usually works. Take it slow – your body may be healing but your energy level and stamina will take longer.
Sending love Stephanie! Thank you for letting us know. Somehow you have a way of sharing your difficult life situation(s) in a way that radiates indomitable spirit, humour and style. Well done to you. Sending prayers too.
OMG! You are mortal! I watched you make a banquet for the entire family with fancy food and decorations while knitting a sweater, three pairs of socks, and a blanket and planning for the bike rally. I thought you must be a demigoddess. I am gobsmacked that you arenāt up and dancing.
Seriously, rest and heal.
I check on you every day. Iām not on Instagram – I used to be able to read the text below the photos, but canāt anymore. But I still can see the photos, and I recognized a hospital room! My experience with recovery is: one drags on from day to day wondering, āAm I always going to feel this way?ā Then BOOM, you wake up one day and youāve got yourself back. It takes a little time.
Yeah, I played that “it’s fine, I’m fine” game as well, and lost – badly. Culminated in passing out on the street, being rushed to hospital in an ambulance and spending 8 days in the ICU. It’s a hard lesson to learn, that one about listening to what your body is trying to tell you. But once you learn it, you don’t forget it. You and I are of an age, so I can say with certainty that I get you. But please, don’t ignore your well-being anymore, because you’re no good to anyone else if you ignore your health and end up in hospital or worse. (I’m fine now, BTW).
Major surgery takes major recovery time. There is nothing wrong with tea, knitting and naps. (in whatever order you want.) take it easy, rest, and follow the doctor’s orders. They are telling you these things for your health not theirs… š
In this case the tea is not a free choice but a neccesity. Choosing to have a nice cuppa is a whole different “cup of tea”.
Repeat after me: Rest and heal, rest and heal, rest and heal …. for as long as it takes, and then go knock ’em out!
We’ll wait …
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Glad you are back. But as with all kinds of things, rest is an integral part! (Training to bike long distances, lifting heavy weights, living life… ). Hugs and recover well!
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A belated congratulations on your blogiversary!
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Take the time it takes to get fully healthy again. Seriously! If it means more knitting and tea than you thought possible before this happened then that’s what it takes. Healing thoughts from further away than the Heartland.
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Wow, your resilience and determination through such a tough time are truly inspiringāwishing you continued healing agario and peaceful moments with your beautiful knitting projects!
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Oh my goodness, that sounds absolutely awful! Iām so sorry you went through all of that. Emergency surgery is never fun, and feeling constantly sick beforehand just compounds the stress. Take all the time you need to recover and donāt feel pressured to catch up on anything immediately. For a little mental escape, maybe try something super low-pressure, like the game Drift Hunters? Get well soon!
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It reflects on a challenging season marked by medical emergency, physical exhaustion, and the psychological tug-of-war between productivity and healing.
Dear Stephanie (we met briefly at the very first Vogue Knitting Live, I think you were wearing something orange or brown and that the occasion is emblazoned in your memory) the emergency part I canāt speak for, but in the sense. of being laid up for a long time (mmm.. six weeks, maybe) I can. As someone around 25 years older than you, I can tell you from my ageās perspective that the mid-50ās is a Great time to be laid up. Because afterwards you still have so much more time to live! By your mid-70ās you gradually realize that even in the best of circumstances your time is Much shorter no matter how healthy you are/will be and Thatās when you get to b) itch about any interruptions in the joy of life. Sorry this message is SO BELATED. Not being an Instagrammer Iāve started being less vigilant about any posts from you because there mostly werenāt any (of which you have the perfect right!) so now here we are in mid-June and I am behind by Three posts! Congratulations on the two new family additions. The blankets are gorgeous! And the bike rally message will be responded to. And Donāt overdo it! The 50ās are when Injuries are harder to overcome!!
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Port Ludlow!! I went years ago- it was a silk retreat. I made the cut after another knitter could not make it! I told everyone in tbe office, if some gal Stephanie calls, you come get me stat! And you did!
My son had died fairly recently and I so needed tbe get away!
Fast forward, Iām here knitting socks and looking for your sock pattern online so I can start the heel. All my books are in boxes due to a furnace fire back in January. Insurance company sent a crew to pack up my entire house, take it off site to clean smoke damage and then bring it all back. Itās like all the āfunā of moving without having to forward your mail!
Iāve been thinking about that retreat all day and thinking āI should just book a trip there myself.ā
Knitting saved me and kept me sane!
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Wow, what an unexpected turn of events! It sounds like you’ve been through so much, but it’s wonderful to hear about your incredible resilience and the support of your family. Your dedication to knitting through it all is truly inspiring. For those looking to create artistic transformations for their own projects, you might find Photo to Pixel Art a helpful resource for unique visual effects. Wishing you continued healing and many more cozy knitting sessions!
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