I’ve decided to start talking about knitting books a little bit on the blog (It was inevitable, wasn’t it? That a knitter who’s also a writer would eventually start talking about knitting books?) I started to review a book that I love, and got to thinking about what I was going to do when I got to a book that I didn’t love. Say nothing? What I see others do sometimes? Too often, I think ( but I’ve been frequently accused of overthinking) there is an inherent unkindness in how knitters address patterns, designers or yarn they don’t like. I know you are guilty of this, as am I, we all are from time to time.( I do try to keep it so that if I think mean things I do my level best to contain it to the space inside my head, but everyone has their moments). There are other times though, when something is so completely out there that you cannot resist a good kick at it, and since I spend much of my time worrying about being someone who walks lightly on the planet and leaves little hurt, I thought I’d have a little think (there’s that overthinking again) about opinion, ethics and the way I feel about them, and I’ve got the perfect explanatory place to start. There are several people at Lettuce knit who saw me completely giggle myself into fits while perusing this book…
In my defense, I have three points.
1. If you whack a knitted bird on a hat or knit a samurai headdress I would really imagine that you are the clever sort of person who expects that some people (people who have way, way more structure around hats than you do, people like, say….me.) are going to have a very good laugh at it. There is simply no way that this woman is intelligent enough to produce these ideas but not clever enough to know that a structurally perfect Samurai Kabuto is going to knock some knitters with different personal taste flat on their backs in a yarn shop helplessly dissolved.
2. I didn’t laugh at all of them. Some of the hats are completely to my taste, the instructions (should a bird hat strike your fancy) are very clear and good, the author is clearly a creative individual with an enormous sense of whimsy, the illustrations are actually illustrative and the information about hats around the world is very interesting. See that? While I am (in places) of a dissenting view, there is much that redeems this book for me, and I’m open to it. This means that I can have a good laugh and still be able to go to the shop and buy it (don’t you think that Hank needs a Samurai headress for the dress-up box?) without exploding in a cloud of hypocrisy.
3. Here’s the clincher.
Just because I wouldn’t wear or knit some of these hats does not mean, and I really can’t stress this enough… that I think that this designer is dimwitted, un-talented or underrepresented in the intelligence pool. There is a sparkling supposition that I read out there all the time where someone writes something very negative like (and I am perhaps paraphrasing) “this is a design only a twit would design and a moron would knit” when really, what they really mean to say is “this is not at all to my taste”. This approach leads knitters into inferring that if a knitter chooses to knit such and such a pattern, or with such and such a yarn, that they think the knitter is making a dreadful mistake and since the knitter is not making something they would make, that the knitter is a being of lesser worth.
While “What were you thinking?” is a valid question somewhat deserving of an answer (I can say this because I admitted publicly to having knit this green sweater.) implying that the knitter is incapable of thought is not.
I admit too, that all of this smacks of “Why can’t we all just get along” but really, why can’t we? “Why can’t we all agree” is a ridiculous statement, and denying personal taste is just as demeaning as jabbing someone for it, but is there some value in a personal attack or a diminishing barb that I’m missing? Is there a usefulness in deriding the choices of other knitters? Isn’t it just knitting, and isn’t it possible to critique a book, a pattern or yarn without hurting someone? Why does it seem so difficult for so many of us to say “I madam, would not be caught dead in a bird hat” or “I would never knit cotton” without adding or inferring the troublesome statement “and neither should you.”
The meat of it would be (did that get away from me?) that I’m not actually sure that ones yarn choices, pattern selection or personal taste are related to moral superiority, personal worthiness or the right to turn up at a yarn shop.
This, naturally, is all just my opinion, and one that you are welcome to disagree with. (Hopefully without trashing me, but I can’t have things my way all the time. When I run the world, things will be different.) At what point does critique become cruel? Where do you draw your line? Is there ever a good reason to cross that line?
(Should I immediately forget I ever had the idea of talking about books and stick to my knitting?)
For the people who only look at the pictures on blogs (you know who you are.)
I spun yarn.
Now I’m going to have to go find the book and look for a bird 😛
Beautiful yarn!
Oh, and I must add that you are right. Critiques become cruel too easily. If people pay more attention to the things that fly from their mouths and how they might affect another, the world would be a better place!
I agree. What other people knit is their own business, and I will stick to criticizing my own work! There is much too much minding-of-another-person’s-business in the world just now…
Hey, Stephanie, you said all that beautifully! When I was in grad school I realized that the people around me seemed to think it wasn’t possible to sound intelligent unless your critique–of anything, from breakfast to Tolstoy–was profoundly negative. “I loved that movie” was unacceptable; far better to rip it to shreds. Once you’re on to their trick, you realize that all the comments are the same; only the names have been changed.
Oh, and by the way, why can’t we all get along?
Agree totally. I often mutter, “Ouch!” as I read blogs. Just don’t see how being mean and nasty to others can elevate the person doing such, but they seem to feel so. Not my cup of tea.
Well said, you admitted to a difference in taste and then you evaluated the technical aspect, something I wish some of my English teachers would have done in school.
I agree with everything you have said. It is not that much more difficult to be civil when giving a critique that to be rude and dismissive. (On a my-parents-majored-in-journalism-my-life-is-occasionally-ruled-by-grammer-still point, you would imply that the person who knits with cotton sucks, not infer… they would infer from your implication.) 🙂
Tamara– I think that negativity is the cornerstone of our society– we need more people like Steph to accentuate a better way.
If I don’t like a pattern or a book or a yarn it doesn’t mean that said pattern or book or yarn is without value or merit. So much is about the choices we make. I guess as a considerate person my choices should reflect my tastes without hurting someone who has different taste from mine.
Thank you! I read a post elsewhere this week that was exactly that sort of “who would ever knit that” critique. The comments where, if anything, more mean spirit versions of “me too.” I’ve seen some of the garments from that post in person. While most where things I wouldn’t wear a couple where quite nice and on the right body type (alas, not mine) they were stunning. I think we are probably all guilty of making off the cuff snarky comments, but those who publish those comments sometimes cause real hurt to people who don’t deserve it.
This is the reason I enjoy your blog. I love a good debate/discussion/critique, but sometimes the mean-spiritedness (is that a word?) makes my teeth grind. The only thing that bothers me more is “I’m just as hard on myself as I am on others”. Smacks of self-abuse and not the fun kind. Thank you for you cogent comments!
OOoooh, look at the pretty pictures! Hee.
Looking forward to more reviews.
I agree with you. Knitting is for everyone, and there are unlimited choices out there as to how to enjoy knitting. I have so often scoffed at acrylic and those who knit with it, but this is what you’re talking about, really. It’s all good when it comes to knitting. It is to be enjoyed, and how that is done is a personal choice. Who cares what I think?
Instead of saying “yuck” when I see something I don’t like, I will try and just say “wow”. That covers it.
I’m not even going to try and put my website address this time.
I recently rolled myself into a fit of laughter and comedy at the same location you had your bird hat moment (though on a different night and about a different book). I SWEAR IT WAS THE COSTUMES. Of course, I bought the pattern book for one of the patterns – sometimes I think folks take issue with gails of laughter.
Stephanie, I enjoy so very much that you listen to your own writing and have a delightful way of seeing yourself, then you turn that insight outward and share your thoughts with your fortunate readers. Thank you.
A great distinction someone once shared with me: Criticizing hurts; critiquing helps.
I have stopped reading the “reviews” of books in knitting and quilting magazines, because unlike movie reviews they are all always unrelentingly positive! I guess they worry about advertising revenue, but if that’s the case why not just call it the “Book Advertising Page” and be done with it?
Ah, well. Maybe I overthink things, too!
I rarely offer critiques on my blog, mainly because I start feeling really self-conscious when I start to write something like that. I tend to comment more on whether I think a book of patterns has originality, whether it’s a breath of fresh air to my knitting thinking or whether it seems re-hashed. I feel I can address that issue without being cruel. Beyond that, I feel I’m in dangerous territory, partly because I would feel terrible if the author googled the title of his/her book and found my (negative) comments.
I completely agree with you. There is much in the knit world that I would not knit because I would not wear, but I still enjoy the fact that someone took time to create something.
Can’t wait to read your upcoming reviews – I have several books that I bought just for the joy of looking at the pictures and will probalby never, ever, knit the patterns!
You know what hats like that are good for? I had one really awful growly day once where I was afraid I would bite the head off the first person who said a word to me, for no good reason and not that they in any way deserved it. So I put a turkey-feather-enhanced angel-halo headband out of the halloween costume box on my head and wore it all afternoon, to the great shock of my husband when he came home: “WHY are you wearing THAT?”
Because I knew it would make me look ridiculous, and you can’t get mad at other people for thinking you are when you beat them to it and did it first.
Thank you for the heads up on that book–I could use a good laugh, and some days lately, my 18-year-old waiting to hear back from colleges could, too.
Thanks for addressing this. There’s a mean-spirited, bitchiness that seems to have crept into certain corners of the knitblog world. I’ve only noticed it for maybe the past year, but I live under a rock so maybe it’s been going on longer. I’m sure it’s entertaining for some folk, but there’s already more than enough negativity in the world for me, so I just avoid those sites. Those who defend themselves by saying they only criticize published patterns seem to be forgetting that actual human beings wrote those patterns.
Right on! Review away, especially with that attitude. Such fair-mindedness will result in useful and informative reviews, rather than petty trash talk.
Gorgeous yarn, BTW.
Ooooohhh, pretty.
And your spun yarn is sooo beautiful!
Everyone has different taste and different styles. It makes me wonder who are these people who think they are the knitting police? It’s OK to get a good laugh at something but not nice to be mean. There is an ‘arse’ for every seat as they say in the car business.
haha, oh man, I need to buy this book.
It’s sad that you have to defend yourself so much for the simple pleasure of giggling at silly patterns. I think it’s pretty clear the author is talented, skillful, and has a vision – just that this vision happens to be dang ridiculous. That said, I am totally wearing that samurai helmet next Halloween.
I have only written you one other time, I think. I have to agree with you. Since when is disagreement a faux pas? In my country, just south of you guys, it has become almost treasonous to disagree.
Well said. Respect of others is such an important concept and for some reason people tend to forget that the concept applies to the written word as well as the spoken word.
I think that
1) you should totally review books
2) you are right that we should be able to say something is not to our taste without making it a personal attack
3) there is a space for real criticism in book reviewing: like, say, if a book had lots of errors, or unclear photos, or bad instructions, or something. Because if you don’t mention something like that, those who may buy the book might be a little annoyed that you didn’t say that it had major problems. Just a thought.
Well, um . . . I disagree with the “It’s Best to be Positive” people. (I’ve never been accused of over-optimism.) I think that it’s perfectly fine to not appreciate certain aspects of something, and it’s very helpful for the rest of us (Ok, maybe just people like me, relatively inexperienced.) to know if a knitting book is less than it could be. It would save me a lot of headache to know about, for instance, “somewhat fuzzy instructions” ahead of time.
When I critique my students, who have to do well on state essay exams, and MUST learn how to write clearly, I say the critiques very, very mildly (“I’m a touch concerned about . . . .” or “You’ve got a little space for improvement here . . . .”) and I sandwich it between two compliments. It works well.
Whatever you do don’t show the Folk Hats book to Hank. I made the mistake of showing it to my 13 year old stepson Wolfie. “Choose a hat you like and I’ll make it for you for Christmas.” Guess what he chose? The samurai hat! I said “Wolfie, are you really going to wear that thing?” He said “totally”. My personal favorite is the Soft Winter Snowflakes hat. It’s impossible to look at this hat and not lose it completely. Actually I lose it everytime I see it.
Vickie Square’s book reminds me of haute couture in that a lot of the designs are meant to inspire. Some of them are really out there but sometimes you have to exaggerate a feature in order to get, in this case, knitters to think about different brim treatments or overall structures. She also looks to ethnic sources for inspiration so you’re not going get variations on GAP. As for treading lightly, if you’re going to design hats with birds on top you better have a sense of humor because it’s damn funny.
Is it a good book? Yes for all the reasons you stated. Are ALL the designs wearable? Um, I would say no. Did it inspire my own designs? Most definitely. Does it make me laugh? Always.
I’m going to quote a passage from The Treehouse by Naomi Wolf. GREAT READ!
“His (her father Leonard) belieft goes something like this: Why stick to one identity? Why limit your limitless self every day to the costume of a suburban housewife, if once in a while you can be Salome?”
Yeah, OK, I kind of thought of making the bird hat. Your point(s) are well taken. For example, I think that the You Knit What blog is a perfect place for us to have a good laugh at the output of designers whose creativity kind of temporarily got away from them, but I wish that the bloggers would temper their opinions with the spirit of generosity that you’re proposing.
Gorgeous yarn. Do you ever say “I can’t belive I spun that!!”
I’ll be the second person standing in Mary B’s corner, just to even up the discussion. Mean-spirited carping is one thing — making well-deserved sport of bad design is something else. And while it is unfortunate to bring in names, when the name is virtually a brand it falls into the “public figure” category and some immunity has been sacrificed.
That said, criticizing may or may not be acceptable, but criticizing your host’s grammar or usage publicly is always rude.
I have always been one to see different sides to all issues. Sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree. Personal taste is just that – personal and unique to you. Why tear someone else down just because you don’t like what they did? That being said, I know you are sensative enough to do book reviews without using the pen as a sword. Have at, as I for one would love to know what a good knitting book means to the yarn harlot.
Wonderful review. I admit that I have occasionally fallen in the “what were they thinking”* mode when looking at patterns and knitted items (usually in the privacy of my own stash room). But I also admit that I bought the Folk Hats book precisely because of the bird hat. I may never knit that one but it always causes a giggle every time I look at the book. Everyone needs a giggle now and then.
*from Christine Lavin
There is a terrific indpendent video store in town, one where videos are filed by directors and countries of origin. It is, however, a horrible place to rent the latest blockbuster, or anything with “Camp” in the title. I imagine that all the people who work there cringe when I rent something “big budget.”
It’s very similar to the way I feel at a certain LYS in my area, where they openly mock those who buy yarn at large craft stores. Just because I am insane enough to purchase $80 worth of yarn to knit something I could buy for $30, doesn’t mean everyone should!
i think the trouble sometimes is that not all patterns are well-written or mistake-free. in fact, most of them aren’t mistake-free it seems, especially free patterns. it can be enormously frustrating to knit a badly written pattern or a pattern with a mistake in it without realizing the problem and then i think people tend to express their frustrations rather … rudely. not that we should excuse that, i know, but i think it should be noted.
by the way, thanks for now making me want a samurai kabuto hat. 🙂
Now, I will admit that I frequent a certain blog that is all about making snarky comments about less-than-stellar knitting patterns (yeah, you all know which one), and I usually get a good giggle. Every once in a while they post something that makes me think “Hey! I like that!” – and it doesn’t really bother me that they don’t. While the owners of the blog can get pretty viscous, I think it’s all in good fun.
I think some light-hearted teasing of a pattern is okay. We all have different tastes. It’s the personal attacks that are just too much. Another blogger I read works in a yarn store, and writes posts about the stupidity and horrible taste of the customers that come into the store. -That- makes me uncomfortable. The world of knitting is big enough for all of us. If you don’t want to help people with their “ugly” knitting, don’t work in a yarn store. There’s no need to say horrible, mean-spirited things.
(Yes, you can say whatever you’d like on your own blog – even horrible, mean-spirited things. I’m just not interested in reading it.)
The yarn you are spinning is beautiful!
I have purchased several books that don’t have a thing in them that I would ever knit but found I learned other lessons or techniques. It is nice to know that the patterns are well written, would also be nice to know if they aren’t. I’ll have to check this book out tonight at LYS.
I wholly agree. I’ve been guilty of trashing someone else’s work far too many times. I’ll try to be better. IMHO, negative comments are valuable if the audience will need the information, for example “This yarn pills” or “the pattern calls for 7 balls of yarn, but you really need 8” or “the yarn in this kit is so weak, the socks won’t stand up a day”.
I think we get it from our politicians, at least here in the U.S. We went from Washington’s second innaugural address, with that lovely and oh-so-humble line, “I now retire to the position you have appointed me, until such time as the American people realize they have better choices available to them.” to trash talk. With the role-models of public life modelling such behavior, it does make sense that it would become common.
I want to go knit a samurai kabuto. It’ll be great at sci-fi cons.
I try to strive for the middle ground. I’m not a cheerleader and I’m not going to rah-rah something I don’t like. I don’t go for the group mentatlity. On the other hand, I’m not going to attack the creator, no matter how stupid I think they are.
For instance, I think it is a poor decision to do lace with heavily varigated yarn. Yet at my LYS there are groups of people who declare it lovely. I have publicly declared that I think it is a poor design choice.
I think it is possible and neccessary to maintain our critical eye and yet to express ourselves politely.
That green sweater sucks.
thank you! as a designer, i have been hurt by some people’s comments on my patterns, color choices, etc. i feel like people think they can just be downright mean because the internet is such a faceless medium. they forget that designers are people too!
for example: i did a search on one of my patterns cause i was curious who was making it, and there were numerous comments to the horrible “green and red” color choice. Thing was, it wasn’t even green and red, it was a beautiful teal green and rusty dark orange. it depressed me a little that people thought my color sense was horrible. maybe teal and orange wouldn’t be their thing either, but that is why there is a thing called personal choice!
oh my gosh…I love that yarn…is it for sale?? You are so very talented.
That was a lovely review, and would always be interested in what you have to say about a book. I do believe ‘we can all get along’, attitude and compassion are everything. And about that yarn, I did a quick take on my desk for a spoon, looks delicious, mmmmmmmm. Brava
You should definately continue reviewing….and I for one would never knit with cotton or wear a bird hat.
Oooooo, pretty yarn! And pretty commentary, too. I like the fact that not everyone shares my taste (as excellent as it is…) It makess for boring times if there’s no disagreement and debate in conversation. That said, while the public comments here have been fairly positive, I’d hate to see what some people are emailing you privately…
Interesting you bring this up. A friend of mine brought up a similar discussion on his LiveJournal, about the word “boring”. How it’s so easy for many people to say, “How can you do that, it’s so boring?” by which they seem to really mean “stupid” or “worthless” or whatever. Instead he prefers to say things like, “I’m not interested in…” whatever it might be. Personally I tend to go with things like “I’m not into that” or “It’s not really my thing.”
Regardless, I think perhaps some of it goes to a tendency these days to justify why we think or feel the way we do – it’s not enough to just say, “I don’t really like lima beans.” Instead we have to /explain/, “Oh, I hate lima beans – they’re all thick and mushy and gross.” Which leaves others the option of either agreeing or admitting that they actually think “thick and mushy and gross” is pretty darn tasty.
I wish, sometimes, I could figure out where that tendency comes from. Because honestly, bird hats and acrylic yarns are not my thing. But just because it’s not /my/ thing doesn’t mean it can’t be anyone else’s thing either. How boring would that be?!
I showed Niels the Samuari hat and he has asked me to make him one… That’s what I get…
I have gotten that bad vibe from bloggers who berate patterns. It just seems so high school. We don’t all have to like the same style! If these patterns we call wacky/testeless are being published, there must be some market for them – we just aren’t part of it. No reason to gather together in a clique to elevate our self-esteem. Is’nt there better ways to uplift our spirits than to rag on others behind their backs?
Critique is essential to progress. Let’s be tactful!
Oh, and that’s beautiful yarn! What are you going to do with it, aside from making us envious of the fruits of your spindle?
Does this mean I can’t trash Wal*Mart ? I don’t shop there and I don’t think you should either but I don’t hold it against those who do — Once they have forced everyone else out of business what choices do we have?
Yay, Stephanie! I was starting to think I only read this blog because you are wildly funny, talented, and comfortingly human. But your ethical thinking might be the thing that keeps me coming back. I hope you do review books. I’ll enjoy reading the reviews and the excellent model will be worthwhile in and of itself.
Well said. Well said, indeed. I have little to no patience with deliberately mean sites or vicious reviews.
As for the yarn: pretty! It looks like candy. It’s making me hungry.
See, now I know you’ve been doing your homework! 🙂
p.s. how much must i cough up to bribe you to for that lesson? your handspun makes me all woobly inside.
I really try to ahere to the credo “if you can’t say anything nice then shut-up”. I would love to knit with real wool and silk and alpaca and mohair. But I don’t have enormous amounts of money to spend on yarn. Knitting is necessary therapy for me but I have to keep the cost reasonable. Just don’t mock me while I’m paying for my acrylic thankyouverymuch.
Love your blog.
Can’t wait to see you in Edmonton in August.
I, too, am of the middle ground. I find it helpful if someone is working on a project and lets his/her readers know (in a tactful way) that the instructions are problematic. I also like to know if the instructions are fantastic. That’s why I don’t do patterns as soon as they are published — I’m waiting for the official or blog errata.
I don’t care for those blogs where the whole point seems to be to revel in their nasty cleverness. As we say in the South, “that’s jest not ri-et.”
I think the fact that I threw myself on Frappr maps all over the world wearing St. Brigid AND a Chicken Viking Hat pretty much illustrates where I stand. ; )
Does this mean it is OK if half my stash is novelty yarns? LOL Half of the rest is handspun wools and silks. Don’t look at my blog – half of it is socks and the other half fluffy knitting.
Yes, why do we have to be mean? Why can’t we just say that’s not my thing or it doesn’t float my boat or whatever. Oh and would I wera a bird hat? 🙂
Spinning coloured/variegated yarn is so much fun – seeing what colours flow out through your hands… ahhhhh.
I must admit that I have been guilty, if not of “how could you knit that?” then of “how could they publish that?”. It’s all too easy, though, to segue from the latter to the former: they must have published that because the market demanded it. I hang my head in shame. I will do public penance on my blog.
And I hereby publicly confess: I want a bird hat. (Only — wouldn’t the bird tend to be top-heavy and flop to one side? Or does this somehow involve, you should pardon the expression, chicken wire?)
Why can’t we all get along?
Easy…because we all just KNOW we’re right.
BTW, that book is just a hoot!! I’d love to meet the author…….
thoughts on this review/meditation–
-how does steph keep that balance between irreverance and groundedness?
-am i really knitting the chicken little hat (lion brand) for grandson, age 4, or moi? -naomi
Oh gawd. I can’t believe I’m chickening out, right at this important moment, from saying what I really want to say!!!!
I think it’s because I have been so dumbed-down. That’s probably it.
Love the review. I’ve actually been thinkng about buying that book, just because of the bird hat! I make 3 dimensional textile art and I just love the shape. Of course my 13 year old son would probably want the samurai hat!
Beautiful yarn too. Can’t wait to get my own spinning wheel.
Okay, this is what I think. People should choose their words carefully so that they say what they really mean instead of saying something close to what they mean, but not really what they mean.
If you want to review a book and you didn’t like it then I think that’s wonderful as long as you articulate what you didn’t like about the book. If what you didn’t like was that there weren’t any designs in the book that were to your taste, then you should say that, and to be helpful to those who are reading the review and don’t have the book in front of them, also state why the designs weren’t to your taste. If you think something is butt ugly I think it’s okay to say that. As long as you’re willing to allow for differences of opinion. We all like what we like, after all.
BTW, I disagree with those who think that if we don’t have anything nice to say, not to say it at all. I think that if the instructions are confusing, wrong or incomplete then we should all be screaming it (metaphorically) from our blogs. These are commercial publications we’re talking about that have to be BOUGHT using cold hard earned cash. If there’s a good reason why I shouldn’t spend my yarn money on a particular book, then I would like someone to tell me before I buy it. That’s not being mean. That’s helping the rest of us out. As long as you’re not mean about it.
Steph…yup. Rams…yup.
I have Anna Zilboorg’s hat book, and I think the bird hat definately falls under the philosophy embodied in her preface which I agree with – to paraphrase – a colorful hat that, on the greyest, nastiest day, can make someone else on the subway smile, is a good hat.
I’m thinking, you are riding the T on a grey February day and someone gets on wearing that bird hat. You smile. It’s that kinda hat. I’d make that hat! I like silly hats, I make hats using my orphan skeins, and they are probably the most popular things I make. Or at least visitors who suddenly decide that they “need” a hat when they didn’t need one before visiting walk off with them from the hat rack. I can so see my 12 year old nephew wearing the kabuto.
Now, a blue helmet hat with a giant pompom on the top – no. That brings back the horror of childhood! But if ya’ll want a helmet hat with a giant pompom, more power to ya!
I do have several “what were you thinking?” garments that I’ve designed ….. I normally chalk it up to “it seemed like a good idea at the time!”
Doing a good book review means the reviewer should actually read the book. I bet some of the magazine reviewers haven’t read the books they are reviewing (i.e., selling).
It’s much easier to say “what were they thinking?” after flipping through and looking at the pictures.
You’re good with words 🙂 so you can phrase critiques politely, offer some constructive advice for new authors, and help the knitting bookaholics amung us find another good book. I look forward to reading about your reading.
We all have different tastes and what one person finds attractive the other may not. I think it is great, if not, we will all be married to the same person. The handspun looks great. keep the book reviews coming.
I am delurking to tell you that I agree with what you said. There is no reason to get nasty in a critique. Constructive criticism has great value, especially in a pattern, when an error has been made or there might be a better way to do it. But the things that I love, versus the things that someone else loves, do not merit negative comments. I also find that it is all too easy to be hateful and hurtful on the internet, where one doesn’t see the other’s face. I keep trying to explain that to my children. Many people think that the internet gives them license to say things that they’d never say to someone’s face.
Wow, steph – your yarn is awesome. I love color mixing myself and, being lazy and all, I like a yarn that works hard for the money.
Bravo for saying what you did about people’s opinions. While I think it is quite alright for everyone to have their own, however differing, it’s quite another to publicly flog a person’s pattern just because it isn’t your taste. I wish someone would tell the people over at You Knit What??, who have really hurt some people’s feelings with their rants.
As the curator of an entire �Museum� dedicated to a good berating of a bad pattern, I�m somewhat biased on the subject. Sometimes I wonder if I�m offending someone who really likes crocheted clowns, but in general, I kid because I love. I�m not saying I love crocheted clowns, but I love how awful they are. That chicken hat? Ridiculous. But in such a good way. I can only assume that whoever made it knows that, so it�s not really unspeakable. That green sweater you made? The Jolly Green Giant called, he wants his loincloth back. But even in that picture, you can tell that you know how hilariously awful it is.
Sometimes things just don�t work out as planned. Bad patterns happen, whether they�re outdated, badly executed, or the result of some disconnect between what the designer had imaged vs. what they ended up with. I think it�s entirely fair to discuss it. And I�m sure your reviews will actually be helpful because of your honestly. You have a way with words and will be able to get around sounding nasty. I do my best not to sound mean when I poke fun at something on my blog. In the end, I�m just trying to amuse people and show them something that made me laugh. I�m not out to insult people and I don�t think anyone who does honest, well thought out critiques is, either.
Far better said and more fair than I probably ever could have put it. And it needed to be said – thanks.
You know what? That yarn is not for Joe’s gansey. Ahem.
Great, now I am going to have to buy some of that roving. I was looking at it anyway…. that just sort of seals the deal, seeing it spun and plied up. I will say that often, just because a book doesn’t fit my personal taste doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, I actually have a few knitting books I hang on to because they have interesting design concepts, even if I won’t knit 95% of what’s in there. However, we’ve all looked at books and patterns that were like works of art, then looked at the directions, looked at the picture and can’t figure out how to get to point A from point B. It is unfair to poke fun or be overly harsh from a design standpoint, but from a technical standpoint, I see nothing wrong with telling potential readers that a book may be all fluff and no substance.
Oooh! Were you channeling my conversation with my co-worker yesterday?
In my context, it dealt with all the reality t.v. there is out there, and the general (to me) over-the-top nastiness that pervades 99.9% of it. And, as a result, why I don’t watch it.
The conversation segued into how oblivious we are as to how we sound to others. This was brought home to me a few years ago when we were watching a video of my son’s soccer team. Let’s just say I was a little, um, loud. (But not mean!) At the time I was deeply chagrined, but have since been able to embrace that I live loudly. And try to modulate around those who do not.
A little more time needs to be spent thinking about how our message is going to be received rather than just the message itself.
Thanks for reminding us of that.
When I was taking art lessons a few years ago, the instructor would have us critique each other’s work. He told us that critiquing was all about balance. You can always find SOMETHING you liked about a piece. Then, when moving on to criticsm, always ensure it is constructive.
The things we produce are of us, but once they’re done, they have a life of their own which cannot be controlled by us. We can’t protect them from the things people will say. How I relate to my work is not necessarily how someone else will. I may love what I’ve knit/painted/etc while someone else may hate it. Or much worse, not give it a second glance or thought.
Critiques shouldn’t be candy-coated or overly negative. It’s not wrong to give your opinion, even if it is a strong one, but, the reviewer is judged by what they say as much (or more) as the piece that they are judging. And as always, what goes around, comes around.
Stephanie, I am so glad you blogged about this because you said everything that needed to be said on the subject. Recently a wonderful designer and her children were very hurt by a pretty nasty post and comments. When you are a designer you put yourself out there for critisism. But not a public whipping. It is one thing to say you don’t like something, it is an entirely different matter to start attacking the designer with name calling.
That entire situation really made me step back and look at how people treat each other here in cyberspace. I wonder if most of the people being so nasty would say their comments/post/emails to the person’s face. Or their children. Somehow, I doubt it. Maybe that is something to think about. Goddess knows this world, and especially my country, could all be a little nicer to each other.
I have this book, and still laugh out loud at some of the designs and I can’t believe the author would be offended by that; she’s got to have a sense of humour to have designed some of those… I’m going to make the bird hat one day, even if I just walk around the house in it.
Great yarn…
Lovely review, and I agree that there’s an important place in the world for books like that, because they inspire creativity and encourage thinking outside the box.
Years ago, I bought a book that had a pattern for a raincoat knit from strips of plastic, among many other weird and creative things I would never consider knitting, but I used to drag it out when I got bored by the plain old plain old — thanks for the tip — worth unlurking for.
Hi Without having read all “74” comments so at the risk of repeating what others may have said:…. I think the key is two little words “I” and “You”.
When talking about others’ books, yarn choices, patterns projects etc etc.. “I” like / dislike” … instead of “You … ” If we keep it to how we feel / think about something it makes it less threatening to the one we are talking to. Makes it our personal interpretation instead of “an attack” on their thoughts or feelings!
Hope this makes sense. Anyway only “my” 2c worth!! 🙂 Of course “how” we say it helps too. With a smile:)
Knit on >^..^<
I am a Margaret Atwood fan and have read several of her essays as well as her fiction. She states that she only reviews books that she likes. Her feeling is that if she doesn’t like the book it is either a genre or type she doesn’t like and so giving it a review wouldn’t mean much or the book is a bad book and shouldn’t get any publicity. I know she said it much more elequently (sp?) than I just did. You could review knitting books with that in mind, only the books that you enjoy – whether it is for a good laugh or to get inspired by great patterns with.
Love the yarn, where did you get the roving from?
“Is there ever a good reason to cross that line?”
My answer is an emphatic ‘possibly’.
Par example, my felted-bowl-that-used-to-be-a-hat. Which is why I will never, ever post a picture of it. Ever. I would totally deserve the abuse. Even I look at it and think, “WTF?!?”
Mad props on the handspun, yo.
I like reading what other people think about books and patterns and such, as long as it’s informative. Negativity for the sake of it doesn’t help me at all. And really, for every ‘what were they thinking’, someone out there looks and sees ‘that could be great if’. Which is pretty cool.
(btw – you get points for the use of intellectual discussion as a tool for distracting Rams from the fact the spun yarn, while very pretty, isn’t gray)
Cassie,
Maybe it is for Joe’s gansey….just saying.
Stephanie,
I like the thoughtful critique side. I’ve been knitting for a while but am very slow to finish. I am amazed, astonished and terribly disappointed when I find a mistake in a pattern…usually because I blame my own stupidity and rip and reknit and rip and reknit and…. well you know. I am so naive I thought that all patterns had to be test knit before being published – hah! I am finding it very helpful to find pattern errata and blog conversations addressing pattern issues and yarn failure on the net. I don’t think it needs to turn into a slagfest.
Steph, your gentle spirit that comes across in your writing is just one more reason I like you. Your humor has that same compassion. You’re not making fun of someone else to get a laugh.
I’d really enjoy reading your book reviews. You are an excellent writer and will be able to do this beautifully. It’s my idea that saying that instructions are difficult to understand (for example) isn’t saying something particularly negative, but just the way it is. Plus, it’s helpful to know. If you’re a new knitter or just looking for something easy-going to knit you would know to look elsewhere. Looking forward to the reviews–0h, and who wouldn’t laugh at a bird hat? Isn’t that the point?
I love the handspun–those are just my colors, and my address is…
The only reason for a mean critique IMO is to bring the funny. And it’s mostly funny only when it is aimed at celebrities, their clothes, and their relationships. Even YKW is mostly not funny, especially when the page loads and you kind of like the pattern they’ve posted.
And proving your point completely, I think that Samurai hat totally rules.
Books, needles, review it all. I always think a well thought out considerate opinion on knitterly items is worth paying attention to.
Though, the patterns which are not test knit… Those should come with a warning label. What’s with that- please designers, take pity. Some of us really don’t know any better. And should you publish a complex pattern that has no errata available online (and easily found), you might just deserve some harsh blog flaming.
If you want to make that bird hat for fun, I’ll wear it with pride. Plus I live in suburban California so there aren’t many hunters…
Yuuummmy Yarn.
I think the most valid criticism of knitting patterns concerns the technical correctness of the patterns. There are so many poorly designed (bad proportions), poorly written, untested patterns for which people are paying good money that it makes me angry. I don’t mind if someone designs a pattern that I don’t personally like (and I think it is valid to say that you con’t care for certain patterns as long as you point out that it is a matter of taste – I’m sure someone will want a hat with a bird on top). But I do mind VERY much if someone designs a pattern that I love (from the photo) but writes the pattern so poorly that I have to spend hours (when I would rather be knitting) deciphering & rewriting it. Years ago (back in the dark ages of the 60’s & early 70’s), you could count on a pattern to be accurate. The instructions would be well written with clear specific directions. There wouldn’t be 3 or 4 lines missing, or abbreviations that weren’t explained in the pattern or a glossary. The finished sizes shown would be consistent with the gauge & the number of stitches cast on. In other words, designers seemed far more professional & you could generally read thru the pattern, do a swatch & knit the garment with few problems. A pattern with a serious error was a rarity. Now they are far too common. I am so used to having to “correct” patterns that I didn’t even realize how often I was doing so until my DD started knitting a few months ago & asked me for assistance with patterns. But, you can’t really determine the accuracy of patterns just by looking through the book; you actually have to knit something. Which makes criticism of knitting books very difficult. So I guess the only thing you can do is say how you like the patterns & why or why not.
Thank you for saying that. I am so tired of people bashing others — whether it was what they knit or what they designed, or even how many Girl Scout cookies they ordered. Thank you for spreading some nice thoughts around. (Although I would never be caught dead in the Samurai hat, I think youngest son would adore one.)
Beautifully stated, as usual. I think you should have no hesitation about reviewing books—you are clearly thoughtful about it. Certainly, unclear or error-ridden patterns should be exposed, and equally certainly, there is no reason to be cruel about others’ choices when it just comes down to personal taste. I am really looking forward to reading more.
And I am calling my LYS for that book today; I’m 98% sure I’ll end up knitting the bird hat.
Dear Mistress Harlot, (is that an appropriate form of address?)
I have come today to investigate your site for the first time based on a column in an old Interweave Issue and am very glad I have done so. The column very rightly praises your writing, and I myself feel now better oriented as to how to think about my own recently-started knitting blog. Count me as a newly-acquired fan. Now, I’d better be off to buy your book for something to read while I knit a pair whales to perch on the front of my slippers.
Hi Stephanie!
I really hope you DO run the world someday! Until then, can you come by and run my office? Having a boss who understood the wellness value of knitting and blogs and knitting blogs would be great. =)
PS Love your pretty yarn! Looks like spring!
I wonder if the ones that are so quick to critique cruelly just haven’t been on the other side yet? You were able to give an honest, well worded, polite review. You are a kind and thoughtful person, that has much to do with it. Also, though, you have put yourself out there by having books published, some patterns on your blog, and speaking on tour- which might put you more in tune with how critiques might be received. You know, the whole “treat others as you would like to be treated” thing.
Pretty yarn- I haven’t spent time with my wheel recently, and I feel resentful vibes from that corner…
To quote the puppets from Avenue Q…
“Schadenfreude!”
You’ve said a good thing, though I must confess having taken guilty pleasure at disparaging the intelligence/taste/abilities of lots of people. I know, it makes me small and mean. I try to make up for it in other ways.
From Yarn-Monogamist to Startitis to Dennis Miller? I enjoyed the rant, and the review was interesting too (especially your use of the word whimsy – so well put!) …but that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong. ;~}
I can tell you that I most often run into problems of worrying about hurting other knitters’ feelings when we talk about which LYS we like/dislike.
Some people wish they had two to choose from, and we have plenty, and obviously it’s a matter of personal taste, but seem people get really offended when you say, “A yarn store that looks like a bomb hit it is just not for me”.
Oh well.
I also find myself censoring myself on the blog if I really have a problem with a pattern, which really, isn’t good! I mean, what if someone buys the pattern thinking it’s great and I never mentioned that I had to completely ignore/change it? But I feel bad, because I know someone worked really hard on that pattern!
I was given the Folk Hats book as a Christmas gift. My husband wants the samurai hat…..to wear on top of his Medieval recreation armor. I told him he would be a bigger target than he already is :o) I just need about 5 more hours in the day to do all the great knitting that I want to do. Husbands don’t need clean clothes for work do they???
when we got this book at our yarn shop, i laughed all afternoon, too, but i also oohed and ahhed at the expertise; there is some awesome shaping going on in those hats!
i love your yarn!
Your reaction to the samurai kabuto hat is the perfect example of how to behave. It would be humorless and dull (and, probably, physically impossible) not to express your personal taste by falling on the floor giggling for 20 minutes. Similarly, it would not be honest to pretend that a bird-topped hat is something you personally care to knit or wear. But you still gave credit for the effort, talent, and imagination involved in knitting anything samurai, kabuto or especially samurai kabuto! (I think there’s a strong case that this kind of odd envelope-pushing, like the Knitted Wedding and other wild whimsies, is Good For Our Craft). Or at the very least you acknowledge the right of the samurai kabuto knitting fans to do their thing in peace. It’s a big tent! We CAN all get along! Don’t hate me for knitting cotton (I don’t know any better)!
love, Kay
I work in a women’s clothing chain and I can appreciate the sentiment. Often i wear the more outrageous/avent garde outfits only to hear people say nasty comments about it not realizing I am standing in front of them in the very same thing! You get the inevitable, “Well it looks nice on you” to try to cover thier embarassment. It’s kinda sad. Personally I know it looks good on me thats why I bought it. I firmly believe no matter what your body shape/size if you feel good in something you’ll look good in it too.
As for the who would wear that comment, personally I ask that all the time. I hope people around me (most of whom know mw pretty well) take it as more an honest fashion question, than rude snotiness. As a downfall in working in fashion I tend to heavily catagorize clothing and people by thier needs and trends.
My last little piece of wisdom, if everyone liked the same things and was the same body shape, it’ed be Star Trek there would be 3 outfits and men would be in dresses. And who needs that?
I WOULD buy the book for the chicken – of the chicken hat. What a delightful squishy toy for an infant to play with!
And as I thought more about it, the hat – chicken included – would provide a diversion for a babe being carried in the wearer’s arms. As well, shaking of the wearer’s head would cause the chicken to flop around (maybe?), in order to perhaps delight a toddler in a stroller.
(As well, the ear coverings would provide protection from a cold winter wind *without* causing the hearing loss that comes with wearing a tight winter cap.)
Come on folks, you’ve got to think outside the box!
I have to agree (as everyone else seems to have done) that just because one does not enjoy a particular design/colour/fibre etc that it becomes correct to claim that the design/colour/fibre etc is “bad”. What really depresses me about that though is that when I express a qualified good opinion of something (e.g. “Oh, that’s kinda neat.” “WHAT???” “I could never wear it, but it looks good on someone that size/shape”) my friends always have to take a couple of minutes to realise what I’m saying, to realise that I can like something without thinking that everything about it is amazing, or like just part of something.
And I was going to comment that that doesn’t look like gansey yarn, but it appears that a couple of other people are ensuring that you keep at it.
Well stated Stephanie. 🙂 Love the yarn, btw. Beautiful colors.
Well done as usual, Stephanie.
You should definitely review books. You have the maturity, sensitivity and wit to do a stellar job of it.
I own this particular book. I pre-ordered it on Amazon and was a bit surprised when it arrived. I laughed out loud at a few of the designs. I kept it though, because I thought it was a fun book to have. I live in the Hudson Valley and by the end of January a hat with a bird on it might be just the perfect antidote to the winter blues. And I have a teenage son who would in fact wear a jester hat to school if I knit him one.
Love your handspun! Yummy colors.
I think you would do a fine job on book reviews. I do have the book; I laughed myself silly at the bird hat. Purchased it because there are plenty in there that I thought that my young (under 6) neices and nephews would LOVE for play wear. The Hut Hat will be the first one I make.
Happy knitting!
Lana
I’ve made too many diverse and differing projects to claim to know what I will or won’t want to make at any point.
I’ve also been pleasantly surprised too many times by pictures I’ve seen on blogs of projects that I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen to make from looking at the original picture, to claim to be know 100% what I like.
I beieve one can write, with kindness, generosity of spirit, and a keen sense of audience, of anything. This is also the sort of writing that I most enjoy reading.
I agree as well. And I think you have said this beautifully, honestly, and with great self-awareness. Additionally, I think one could substitute any venue for the knitting one you have addressed. The world is hard enough to live in without having to endure undue (not to say accurate) criticism which is just veiled differences in tastes or opinions. Thank you for sharing yours so thoughtfully.
Well spoken. I started to read YKW on a daily basis at the suggestion of my sister, but find the constant negativity isn’t my style. I’ve heard motivational speakers say that if you tell everyone you meet that you’re having a lovely day, eventually you start to believe it yourself. It works, so who needs the offset of bitchiness? I probably would never knit the bird hat, but lots of people probably wouldn’t knit what I like! Long live individuality and tolerance!
Dear Stephanie:
Can I be you when I grow up? I often find myself saying the snarky thing just for wits sake. Of late, I have been trying to push back the impulse with both hands (but they are full of knitting). Please keep being a good example for all of us.
Here, Here!
The yarn is beautiful, but won’t it look funny on Joe???
Exactly why I don’t do it. If you can manage to ferret out the way to state your opinion with out having to type in ten times as many words with disclaimers so that you don’t hurt any one person’s feelings, then you go for it. You should know that you can downright hate something I knit or yarn I choose and my response to you would not be a hurt feeling. It would be more like, “This is the way I am doing it, lump it or leave it, but we can still be friends.” (Meaning I would forgive YOUR ignorance 🙂 hee hee)
Now-when it comes to Erin (age 14) blurting out “That’s Disgusting!” every time I mention any food that isn’t pasta, waffles or bagels….. Well to her I repeat over and over “NOT disgusting honey, you don’t PREFER *insert almost any food here*. But it isn’t disgusting, most people actually LIKE *inserted food*.” I’m trying to teach my part in tact. Such a hard job.
Absolutly not Stephanie. You just keep right on talking and laughing at something IN or about books , patterns needles and anything else you so please .This is STILL a free country isn’t it? You have a wonderful and compassionate way with words. Lovely colours in that yarn you spun . What are you going to make with it? You have soo many beautiful WIP I don’t know how you decide which one to pick up at any given time .
I agree with you but I also think that we should ask ourselves why we can’t hear, ‘I wouldn’t knit with cotton’ without also thinking we hear the unspoken, ‘and you shouldn’t either’. I don’t think it’s always there and sometimes I think that we run the risk of stifling interesting debate by trying not to offend. I’m not commenting on any specifics here, just offering an opinion.
Stephanie, thanks for this. I have a lot of fun teaching ethics to college students in a delightfully multicultural and multinational setting.
One of the first things we talk about is the difference between an argument (a discussion in which the participants attempt to get closer to the whether or not something is true) and a psuedo-argument (a discussion which may never reach an accord, because it concerns matters of taste and/or opinion, rather than matters of fact). Whether anyone should knit the bird-hat (which I have to admit I might, but then I’ve been known to populate an entire cloche with bobbles) definitely falls into the second category.
On a completely different subject, now that the Olympics are over, take a look at this:
http://redsweaters.org/RedSweaters.html
My girlfriend and I actually happened on the installation itself during a walk in our neighborhood.
I’m going to skip the agreeing with you as everyone else has said the really good and profound stuff. Instead, I’m going to just jump ahead to the “Wow, this is how you affected me” part:
I am currently finising a post-olympic sweater that I *know* is awful. It is knit on size 19 needles for heaven’s sake. And lets not even talk about the yarn DH picked out for it (bless him for buying it, though). I have been too embarassed to blog about it, and had planned on not wearing it around my knitting friends. How sad is that? When I get the inevitable snarky comment, can I send them to you?
Well said!! I completely agree that personal taste is just that – personal. The fact that I don’t want bobbles on my sweater doesn’t mean that you’re a lower life form for wanting them on yours. Besides, I always remember what my mom taught me: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Wise advice. Oh, and I love the yarn….if I come to Toronto and beg pitifully outside your door, would you teach me to spin? I’ll bring chocolate…
The Blog today was just great for soooo many reasons: 1) rarely have I ever read a review/critique done so well and look forward to more reviews; 2) love the links, especially to the photo of the Michelin green sweater, LOL; and 3) (well, there are more reasons, but I’m getting surfing-the-net neck pain…oh, yeah, the pictures. After all, color and texture and two basic, essential elements of my knitting desire/addiction/obsession. Giving this post a quick review, the last item reads like a non-sequiter (sp). Oh, it issss time to log off.
OMG I need that book!!! Mostly because it is part of a series (ok, I have tried 3 times, and can’t spell that word…there are others), and I have the rest. Did you ever see _Folk Bags_? Some of them are…unique. But _Folk Shawls_ is my favorite. _Folk Socks_ is really good too.
Do the folk socks have birds on them too?
OH! I want a bird hat, I’m the type who would go out in public with it on and look at everyone with that “Is something wrong?” look. But that’s only after I figured out how to make it into a cockatiel, cause that’s my birdies favorite place to perch.
I absolutely agree, can’t wait to hear what you have to say, and . . . will you sell me that yarn?
Yes, Steph, go on and review knitting books! If anybody can make it clear that disagreeing with someone’s personal taste doesn’t mean attacking their personal worth, it’s you! We seem to be losing that distinction these days, and it’s a really important one to keep. I find your example inspiring.
P.S. — I forgot to say — when you rule the world, I want to be a citizen!
Whew… I do agree with you… mostly… that doesn’t mean I think you should agree with me, however, while I totally appreciate creativity, (this hat book, for instance, would totally crack me up–in a good sort of way. I mean, who designs a knitted Samurai Kibuki without crafting an intricately knitted joke… you know it’s intentional and laughter is only appreciation…like laughing at the guy who knits his own superhero outfits… isn’t that fabulous? But the laughter is like, tribute, not mockery… but back to my main point…) I do reserve the right to be peeved by books that call a 36 inch bust a Large. But other than that, Steph, I must agree… we should be kinder in our reviews…and as creative people, we should always pay tribute to creativity…
Mary said: “I also think that we should ask ourselves why we can’t hear, ‘I wouldn’t knit with cotton’ without also thinking we hear the unspoken, ‘and you shouldn’t either’. I don’t think it’s always there and sometimes I think that we run the risk of stifling interesting debate by trying not to offend.”
Well said, Mary; this is my view too. If people are determined to take my dissenting opinion as a personal attack, well, that’s not a problem on my end.
I remember a review of _Cats_ (the play). The reviewer said, “this play is in the style of a musical review (this is fair…it is ;-). I hate reviews.” He then went on to say things like: So this show is dumb because that music doesn’t fit, there, because it’s a review, how awful. those actors didn’t look like they knew the dance, because it’s a review, etc, etc.
WHY not say, “I don’t like musical reviews, so I didn’t like this show, if you don’t, you won’t like it either. If you do, well, the dancers did, actually, look like cats in movement and the makeup/costumes were extrodianary.” Etc. THEN you know where you stand, AND the reviewer comes across as a decent, tactful, smart person!
Just like Stephanie 😉
Thank you for calling my attention to this book. I know some folks who would love the kabuto. And I wouldn’t mind a cowboy hat myself.
Steph,
Thanks for a wonderful defence of honest, thoughtful criticism. Yes, this is possible but nowadays too often descends into the ad hominem argument. [Given the preponderance of female knitters perhaps we need a somewhat different phrase here….]
The green sweater. Having just finished a periwinkle, furiously-cabled vest that seems to have developed totally unique sizing on each side… at least yours fits in a large, comfy way. I tell myself I did learn as I knit — which I did, but I’m currently contemplating a pre-steek moment as I may just make a pillow from the lovely cable by sewing and backing.
Sometimes, the heart is too faint to contemplate ripping out.
Looking forward to future yarn book reviews.
There is something about Folk Hats that draws me to it, then I look in and see nothing that is useful. Sure there are whimsical ideas but I think there was a lot of concept stretching here. The Yoruban hat is interesting, but the design appears to be that of a ceremonial hat, not an everyday hat. No matter where you wear it, you’re going to get looks of “What the f—?”, unless you’re dressed in Yoruban costume for a party.
Don’t apologize if you think the book sucks. You’ve done enough knitting to understand what makes a good pattern and what doesn’t. I agree that one shouldn’t trash a book unnecessarily, but don’t tiptoe around it either for fear of pissing someone off.
I have Vicki Square’s FOLK BAGS and loved the whimsy of the designs, as well as how they pay homage to the inpiring culture. Her design skill and her love of the craft seem apparent to me. I thought I’d like FOLK HATS, browsed through it on Knit Picks website and thought, nah, I don’t like these designs, why bother. I browsed through it at B&N, and now want it, for the whimsy (I laughed), skill (I’m insanely jealous), and the unavoidable fact that I love hats and damn near every last one of the rest of the designs in that book.
Please consider reviewing books. As stated by countless others, you seem to have a courteous honesty and definitely have strong technical knowledge. It would be refreshing to read critiques that did not denigrate OR gush. My initial opinion of the hats book was not positive, but I still looked to see what the rest of the book was about. I try to take reviews with a grain of salt…one man’s trash, ya know…
I agree.
Most of the things that we think “God, I’ll never wear that,” take more talent to design than the average sweater.
Gotta love wacky hats. I have a big collection of 1930’s-1950’s era knitting books, and the hats are my favourites. Really, really wacky – and dead serious, too. If you wore a knitted dinner plate on your head in the 30s, well, that was OK. Wish we had that same sense of fashion fun now! Though there was a hoot of a picture in the paper the other day of a McQueen designed dress – the model had half a dead pheasant sitting on her head.
The snowboarders are sort of bringing it back – it’s an in thing to have odd headgear – jester’s hats are big, anything colourful with a strange shape to it. So, if you know any boarders, knit them the bird hat – they’d probably love it.
I majored in philosophy in college and was deeply interested in the philosophy of aesthetics, of beauty. I took a seminar on philosophy of place and space and did a thesis on something to do with architecture. In my reading for my thesis for that class, I kept stumbling accross something profound. Philosophers were, in fact, linking the aesthetic to morality. I still am not quite sure why this is. I have a feeling that either Heidigger or Hegel were involved (and if Heidigger really was involved, it might add a twist to the “fasion nazi”). As soon as I find out why they’re linked though, I’ll let you know.
Bravo!
I have to get that book! My stepson owns and wears a hat with ears (pointy cat/wolf ears) much like the hood of Max’s costume in Where The Wild THings Are, that I made for him. This is an adult, not a kid.
My youngest son plays judo and would love the Samurai kobuta–he made a set of Samurai armor out of cardboard and duct tape — an amazing production.
It’s good to know that you found the patterns clear and well-written.
I agree with you and would add—we can all have an appreciation of ones’ handiwork, no matter what it is—despite it being our taste or not. I direct children’s theatrical productions and you would be surprised at the amount of criticism these kids receive—I just love the fact that they are up there performing–just because they LOVE it!
I think that everyone has already commented on anything that needed to be said, so I’m just going to ask you something off topic. If you don’t have time to respond, that’s fine, but I thought it important that I ask. I am thinking of recording your book “The Secret Life Of” as a podcasted book (http://www.librivox.org/), but I wonder if that would hurt sales? My idea is this: I was going to put a suggestion out to see who would be interested in reading/recording a chapter. It would be a “reader’s reading” or something like that. This is a terribly worded question, I’m realizing, but I’m too tired to rephrase it. Anyway, would that be ok? (If you can understand what I wrote?) (??!!) =) If it’s not, that’s fine, but if you have a moment, please let me know.
Hear hear, Stephanie! Thanks.
I spent a happy half hour just last week leafing through that very book in Barnes & Noble. It’s fun, refreshing, fascinating and ridiculous all at once, and I’m probably going to have to go back and buy it one of these days. Not that I’m planning to knit any bird hats, mind you. I had one or two of the more demure hats in mind… 🙂
Well spoken, Stephanie. This subject is close to my heart and touches every person in all aspects of life. Opinion vs fact… consider the high school years. How painful was that time when filled with fear of others criticism. How many compliments do we remember from those days? Does fear of criticism today keep you from doing something you would love to do?
I wonder if we criticize because we are jealous of others talents and when a critic points out perceived faults he somehow feels it elevates him/her. Thanks for bringing this up. I’ll be thinkin’ on it.
I’d love to see your book reviews. There are definitely ways to say ‘I like this book’ and ‘I don’t like this book’ without being nasty or mean. I often read reviews of something before purchasing, because I want to know if it’s going to be useful to me, have a good explanation of the subject matter, be clear, etc. Example: I read several reviews of _Shadow Knitting_, because I was interested in the book. Most of the reviews were negative, in the sense of: The patterns were not interesting, the patterns were not challenging, the directions weren’t clear enough, etc. I went and leafed through the book, and agreed – And didn’t buy. Critiquing is not criticizing!
Any criticism or opinion can be made without belittling the person or showing disrespect. I think this is what you are getting at. Of course there are times that you just have to say “what the???”!! I can guarantee that if my Great Aunt Mabs (short for Mable Catherine) had been a knitter she would have made a bird hat in a New York minute (where she lived…across from Central Park…way cool)and worn it inside and out (and perhaps inside-out!)
I agree that we all need to just get along! If everyone was meant to agree on every pattern or technique then we would all just be knitting a purling……knitting and purling…..until we ribbed off into eternity! Thanks for setting us straight on the respect of each individual and their opinion! Oh, by the way, cool yarn!
Stephanie, I love your way of reviewing books and not attacking the intelligence of the designer. I actually like some of those hats as art pieces, but can’t ever see myself wearing them. Love your yarn, by the way.
Wait…You mean it’s possible to look at that hat with the bird on top and not laugh at it? I could actually see myself knitting and wearing something like that (although I might try to rewrite it for a frog instead of a bird), but I can’t see myself not finding it endlessly amusing.
(This is not to say that I disagree with your argument that disagreements in taste should not come with moral judgments. I agree wholeheartedly.)
The yarn is very springy-looking. I doubt you’ve got them now, but there are crocuses blooming around here!
You have really got it! And you did it without being preachy or self-righteous. You are one awesome lady! (I love the yarn, too).
I read certain movie reviewers over and over. They write clearly and well, and they review the movie rather than attacking the actors and directors. I don’t have the same tastes, but I know whether my tastes match theirs or not, so I know when I might like a movie that they don’t (or vice versa). Go ahead and write about what you like & don’t like about knitting books — people will soon learn whether they share your tastes or not.
As for me, I’m heading out to look for Folk Hats!
Oh when my LYS first got this book in there were many puddles on the floor from us wetting ourselves with laughter. Granted some of the hats are my taste and cute, but others we just couldn’t help but roll on the floor over. 🙂
Stephanie? What is your current email address? Did you get my email, sent Mar. 4 entitled “Was it Edmonton?” If not, I think you would like it. Please send me your current email. Thanks.
Oh my – we laughed so hard at the book – my knitting girlfriends and I….
WE DECIDED: These are the hats to wear so that you can be found in a crowd….or a snow drift…
HOWLING
Lovely yarn!
..and your opinions on expressing matters of differing tastes were well articulated. I happen to agree with you quite strongly on the premise of disagreeing without disparaging.
Although some days I do wish I were silly enough and brave enough to Wear a knitted bird-topped hat or a Samurai headdress in public… It might be fun to be able to be the kind of person who would. .. they’d probably be gregarious, comfortable in the spotlight, possessing a well-developed sense of humor… good traits, really. 🙂
I’d be sad if you decided not to talk about books. You have recommended books in the past on the blog when they are relevant to what you are planning/knitting and they are always useful and interesting recommendations. (In the same way that I imagine if you express love for a yarn its sales increase exponentially. Certainly I finally purchased some Malabrigo after you knitted Meg’s One Skein Wonder in it). As a writer, and as a writer with such a wide audience, I think your opinions could only be helpful. It seems there would be little danger of you felling someone sadistically while cackling something pertaining to their knitting skills or choice of design elements; as you said, you try to tread softly and that is one of the reasons that we all continue to come here and read what you have to say. I think your criticisms would only be valid and your praise valuable indeed. So, please – on with the reviews!
Steph, as I told you in an email ages ago, your *approach* is one I appreciate and admire. I never understood people with a mean streak when I was a kid and I still don’t. I prefer humor, communication and even critisism with a more digestable undertone. Wonderful post.
I used to have a website where I wrote and posted movie reviews (of very bad science fiction movies). On a whim one day, I emailed Roger Ebert and asked him the very same question. Believe it or not, he wrote back!
His advice was essentially to be honest, both to yourself and to the reviewee, and to make sure that if you say something unkind, it’s defensible. So for example, one would not say “fun fur is ugly and stupid.” That’s not a defensible statement, it’s simply an opinion – and not a very helpful (or kind) one at that.
He said that the best way to write a critique is to lay out the facts as you see them, and let the reader decide. So for example, one would say “fun fur sheds, is difficult to work with (how can you see your stitches through all that fun fur?), comes in a range of alarming colors, and overall shows a complete lack of tact or subtlety. But this is, of course, exactly why so many people are drawn to it.”
There is a lot of room for interpretation, of course. But you’re absolutely right – slamming a book or pattern by saying that “it’s ugly and stupid” is cruel, and doesn’t do anyone any good.
Precisely. There are definitely some patterns out there that just reduce me to tears (laughters or not).
Nice yarn!
I won’t ever scoff at acrylic since my daughter’s favorite blanket was knit by a friend in pink acrylic. My daughter still sleeps with it. I just washed it in the machine last week, it came out a beautiful pink without a pill or pull… then I took it to her at college!
I’m sorry-I’d make a comment on critics and mean people, but I’m too busy drooling over the yarn.
Beautiful.
See, I think the bird hat is rally cute. I would never wear it, but I would knit the heck out of it! 😉
Oh, what a good conversation topic! Coming from a publishing and library background, I have read my fair share of useless book reviews–useless because they only summarize the plot and don’t give any true critique of the quality of the contents, or useless because their basic theme is “I didn’t like this book; whoever buys it is an idiot.”
Whatever happened to what we all learned in English class in middle and high school, the concept of constructive criticism? Criticism for the purpose of helping someone to improve is so different from criticism to make the critic feel superior. Sigh.
Thanks for bringing this us, Stephanie–I look forward to your future book discussions because I’m sure they will be thorough and thoughtful.
–Judy
When you rule the world, could you make knitting mandatory for everyone??? THere was a lady in the parking lot blocking my way who gave me a dirty look like I was inconviencing her for wanting her to move her car so I could pass. She could use some knitting, and I almost got out of my car to suggest it, but I was on my way to but more yarn for a project.
Pick up Loop ‘d loop. I want to know on what planet a 42″ bust is XL. But they did have a lovely criss-cross scarf that is sitting in my UFO pile.
I think there are two categories of comment you can make on clothing: aesthetic and technical. When you’re talking about patterns for hand-knits, I don’t see the point in complaining about the colour choices, as the knitter can make their own. (Unless it falls under the “this colour makes it hard to see the detail in the pattern” or some such, which is really a technical comment.) The technical comments I find invaluable. I read people’s blogs specifically to figure out what designs are unknittable, which yarns unfroggable, etc.
For the knitting Olympics I knit a ribbed zip-up cardigan from Noro Knits called “York”. It’s a great cardigan, with one little exception: the sleeve caps/armscyes are so large compared to the sleeves that it ends up binding your arms to your sides. (This was NOT obvious from the picture, even though it was generally a fine picture.) This is precisely the sort of thing I want to know before I put the whole damn sweater together. Now I either need to take it apart and frog half of the sweater, or try to steek out the underarms and knit new ones (with not-quite-matching yarn). Grumperina recently found a lace pattern which had mistake upon mistake upon mistake. It’s these sorts of patterns that need to be commented upon, preferably with instructions on how to fix them. In an effort to save the feelings of designers (and I have to question how much they considered ours when they sold such ill-constructed directions) I don’t think we should neglect our fellow knitters. Sure, we should be civil, but I’ve only knitted one sweater so far and it ended up pretty much a disaster. I’d hate to have that happen again.
While I completely understand why someone would choose not to wear a bird hat, I certainly would in the right situation. I love things that are creative and different, especially if someone would get a kick out of it. Keep in mind that when visiting friends or relatives in the hospital I routinely don costumes to visit them. I think it is wonderful when designers can step out of the comfort zone and design things that not everyone would knit. Knitting is a creative art form, after all.
I agree with you and could not have put it better. We can be constructive in our comments, but being cruel is not needed or appreciated! Just because I might not like some yarn or book, does not mean that another person won’t love both the yarn and book! If we all knit the same patterns with the same yarn, what a boring world it would be. Love the yarn you spun!
Dorothy Parker once reviewed a book and wrote,”This isn’t a book that should be tossed aside lightly, it should be thrown with great force.” While probably not the subtle, objective review you were going for, funny nonetheless. I imaagine reviewing something that you know wnother person put hours of their life into, as well as their hopes, is difficult. I think you did it gracefully.
What a lovely dissertation on bullying.May I copy it and take it in for my daughter’s fifth grade who are having some difficulties with this issue at this time?
“For the people who only look at the pictures on blogs (you know who you are.)”
Did you say something?
Nice yarn you have there!
When you run the world, it sounds like it would be a place I would love to live in. Love the blog.
Goofy people unite! Bird hat-a-long!
Lovely yarn, by the way. I might have to go spend some money.
Nicely said. 🙂
What you so eloquently have written of is civility, and I think we all agree we need it more than ever. Thank you for showing us so much of what knitting can be. I hope this will set a standard in the field, because silence is tacit approval. Your yarn is gorgeous.
I wonder if some of the snarkiness is due to sheer laziness. It’s much easier to say “This is ugly and stupid, and the person who designed it is a moron!” than to say “I really don’t understand this model garment. I wonder why someone would want a shell knit out of mohair, and I wonder why they chose black mohair for a complicated stitch pattern. This would make a lot more sense to me if knit from a light-colored cotton.”
It is not a trivial thing to write clearly and say what you mean. Describing the problems that exist (in a pattern, in a yarn choice, in our world today) in a clear and concise way, without attacking anyone, takes work.
Brava, Stephanie, for taking the time, doing the work, and informing us in a reasoned and thoughtful way. That you are also very funny is surely the icing on the cake.
OOOH if you are this thoughtful and analytical about a book that doesn’t send you into paroxysms of ecstasy, I can hardly wait to read your review of a book you love.
I think for some people it is just a matter of them trying to appear funny or clever by making cheap barbs. Even some ‘professional’ critics spend more time making degrading remarks then actually reviewing the product/film/book/whatever. For many, a critique and cruel statement are the same thing. Sometimes people can not make a sound argument for why they don’t like something, so they throw stones instead. There are many, many patterns/yarns I do not like for myself, but as my mom always said “to each his/her own”. If everyone knit with the same yarn or pattern, what fun would that be?
Bottom line-if you don’t like, don’t buy it. Simple as that. On the other hand, tearing someone down is not the way to feel better about yourself-ever. I don’t think any one of us here on this earth have ever sat on the side of perfection all the time.
Pretty picture-pretty yarn!
Very nicely put. While something may not be to my taste — it probably is considered wildly, wonderful to someone else. Peace out.
Very nicely worded and lovely yarn. I’ll have to revisit that book. The first time I looked at it, I decided that I wouldn’t be likely to wear or knit anything from it. Now I’ll be looking at it from a viewpoint of techniques and design.
Eloquently said, and about time. The �knittier-than-thou� types I find myself running into more and more these days really get me down sometimes. What we all have to remember is that, if we find ourselves thinking someone else�s choice of yarn/pattern/whatever is not to our liking, chances are someone else is thinking the same thing about us. I haven�t checked out this book yet, but you can be sure I will soon. Not just because I need some mirth right now, but because the author has created and been brave enough to share � and there might just be something in there for my nieces or myself (to go with my hairy-orange-sherbet-Sunday-morning sweater).
I like the balance and detail in your review, Stephanie; please review more books (and needles, and yarn)!
OOOooo, and to the person several posts up who talked about knitting a pair of whales to perch on their slippers: Please post those somewhere if you actually knit them!
I agree that there is a line that critics often cross that I think is completely unecessary. It seems like they would rather be cruel than constructive, which is completely unhelpful to the author and to the people reading reviews. If the critique outlined what exactly the critic liked and disliked about the book, then it would be much easier for a person to make their own judgements about it without feeling like their intelligence was being insulted. I’ve seen this particular book at my LYS and thought it was pretty funny – although I couldn’t see myself knitting something from it, my best friend (who is a little crazier than I) loves some of those patterns. I don’t bear her any ill will whatsoever for her silliness. 🙂 BTW, I never did finish my Olympic leaf lace shawl. I’ve been wallowing in self pity ever since. No, not really – I just can’t bring myself to work on any of my old projects. Startitis?
Bird on a Hat? Yes, I’ve seen that but it had nothing to do with knitting. In 1987 the Minnesota Twins (this is baseball, now) beat the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. My Dad, a Twins fan, who had been at every home game that year got my mom to sew a little stuffed red cardinal laying on its back on the brim of his Twins baseball hat. He wore it proudly and got many chuckles from people who ‘got the meaning’. My dad, who is 80 now and in the later stages of Alzheimer’s, no longer remembers this event but I do. Thanks for triggering a fond memory.
Great points Stephanie,
Even if I don’t like a finished project there is usually something of merit in the project. Nice yarn, interesting pattern, the daring and skill required to create and complete the project. I look back on the “horrible” 70’s granny square dresses and other things and think; “Well I didn’t like the over-all project, but kudos for giving it a try!”
I’m also thinking of knitting the Bird hat. ; )
Great post. While I’ve never had the opportunity to review a knitting book (I don’t feel qualified!) I’ve done a fair number of other reviews, as well as critiques of students’ and friends’ work in other areas.
I think the trick is to remember two things: the first is to critique the work, not the person; the second is to approach the task in terms of helping the person get their ideas across in the best way possible – their ideas, not yours.
Of course, some ideas are just silly, or stupid, and it’s okay to say that, but, again, it’s important to distinguish between silly, stupid IDEAS and silly, stupid PEOPLE — especially in contexts where they might read what you have to say.
Again, thanks. 🙂
Hey Stephanie,
We met once in Calgary, although I was just tagging along with my knitter.
I couldn’t help but comment on this topic. I agree with what you’re saying. There is no need to question the sanity of the author based on their styles, either of design or writing, but an honest review can contain some criticism. Having heard you speak and read your blog, I’m sure you will be able to do so in a constructive way.
As an art history student, my best friend would irritate me beyond words with her refusal to contemplate anything that wasn’t exactly what she expected. She would then unload all sorts of baseless reason and rationale as to why whatever it was was ugly, stupid, boring, whatever. Then I told her one day that it was fine to just say that it is “not my aesthetic,” and leave it at that. No one can argue with what you find beautiful and you don’t make any overt judgement as to what someone else should find beautiful. There is plenty in this world that is not my aesthetic, but then, there is no accounting for taste.
on the subject of all just getting along, did you read that very very angry argument on the punk_knitters lj community a few days ago? it was brutal and knitting oriented. so sad.
anyway, i thought id come out of the woodwork and introduce myself and grovel at the feet of a funny knitting person (who knew?).
peace
Tommy
Well said. I’ve looked at that book too..and..it probably isn’t something I’d find much to knit in for my taste—-until I had this idea: Our local knitsters have just formed a new knitting guild. I am proposing the idea that we all share a copy of this book..and knit a hat out of it that we would use only for ceremonial purposes…in the style of Ya Ya Sisterhood….like installation of officers, new members, etc…and then, I am going to further float the idea that we start and make a cape..circulating it round robin style to go with above mentioned ceremonies…of course, we’d save the most outlandish hat and the cape for the person we were honoring…anyway..it sounded like fun…
In third grade I had a duck hat. It had wings that stuck out over the ears, a tail in back, and a big duck head that came out of my forehead. My brother had a stegosaurus with a similar head, spikes and tail, and my sister had a fish with big lips and a tail.
I saw the book at the library the other day and immediately remembered all of the teasing that I got on the playground. Please don’t do that to your kids!
I’ve seen some designs I’ve found either very amusing or deeply frightening. But then, I’ve also come up with a few that fit that bill (the 6 ft long stocking cap and the “big eyes” earmuffs)(pics at http://www.twosistersatplay.com.us/sam). At least I don’t pretend my style is high art or high fashion!
I have to say I disagree about Folk Hats – I DID make the Japanese Kabuto – http://journals.aol.com/jlester961/YarnsandTallTails/entries/2171 – perfect for teenagers (and my sister in law who is planning to wear her’s for St. Patricks Day this year. (I know it’s not irish but neither is she)
Wouldn’t it be great if we could get George Bush to wear the bird hat, while standing next to Dick Cheney and his gun?
What’s the matter Stephanie? To afraid to post something that isn’t “nice” It’s ok for you to post all the glowing comments on how great your web is, but oh, the horror of posting something very funny, and political, just can’t do it? Yet, you ask us all to comment on whether or not one should write a negative comment. Why should I then listen to what you say or write something that is positive? When youl listen to all the religious zealots who claim how wonderful there religion is, do you agree with them? Get over yourself, and have the courage to post my first comment.
I agree: “Wouldn’t it be great if we could get George Bush to wear the bird hat, while standing next to Dick Cheney and his gun?
Posted by: Jessica Dogers”
Gorgeous yarn! It looks like some Noro that I just bought!
Your attitude is just right. I wrote reviews for a daily newspaper for several years and always tried to give review readers a sense of whether the author had achieved his or her objective, and sometimes also commented on the production values of the book (quality of photos or charts, thoroughness of index, size of type). I don’t understand why so many reviewers assume they need to emphasize the negative; almost every book has something to offer, which may explain why I have so many. Thanks for the insights! I laugh too at knitting designs sometimes–someone had fun making or wearing them, and Halloween is never too far away…
you’ve got my vote
brilliant 🙂
Startitis? No, couldn’t be. Just lots of pretty yarn.
Reviews are always a risk. I feel they exist because people want to be warned. Even a “that’s ugly” opinion could help someone who has a job that requires clothing the general public will accept as “appropriate.” Maybe the designers should include a comment about what they were trying to achieve with each design.
Chialea, I’ve had the sleeve problem with old sewing patterns. The sweater should be fixable by just reshaping the sleeve tops, not the armholes. Only rip to two inches below the start of the sleeve top, widen in pattern on both edges to add a triangular shape that widens the sleeve at the underarm, and make a shorter and flatter top curve, still wide enough to fit into the sleeve holes. It might take a little measuring but it can be done. I think it will only need to widen and shorten by a couple of inches.
Dear Jessica, What are you on about?
There’s simply no censorship on the blog, and anyone may post any comment that they wish. I do not pick and choose the comments that appear. If your Dick Cheney comment didn’t post fast enough for your taste, you have a gripe with my server, not me. Patience darling, patience.
Well now I’ll have to have a look at the book! I’m looking forward to future book reviews. I really enjoyed this one. Thanks.
Kumbaya!!
Joanne, The Canuck in Colorado
I carry that book in my store and, no, I have not sold one copy of it yet! It has been good for a number of laughs, however!
I carry a wide selection of yarns, everything from Red Heart to some of the finer ones from Skacel and Plassard. I know my clientel and know what they will and will not buy! My biggest complaint are the yarn nazis who walk in, look at my selection of yarns, and declare that there is not one yarn they would be caught dead working with. That can be arranged!
Dear Stephanie, I do apologize for my hasty remark. While I was reading the comments, I posted my thoughts, it posted. I went back to finish reading the rest of the comments and when I got to the end, the comment I had posted was gone. So, again I am sorry that it was a server mis-hap. It was the first time I have ever left a comment and was unaware of how they post. It is ironic how the subject was on being nice. It proves you right that being mean isn’t kind. So again, I do apologize, I enjoy your blog, and your book. I hope the next one you write, you put it on a CD, so we can all listen to it and be able to continue to keep knitting. Jessica
Dear Stephanie,
yes I wonder at the rare and few ocassions when I look at knitting/craft bloggs and see what seems to be just blatant put downs, cuttting up of some one elses work just to make the critiquer feel them selves superior. What about keeping nasty stuff to ones self instead of spreading the negativity,yes. I think it is possible to say something is not to your taste with out being visious,nasty, I mean what a waste of brain energy /heart energy,It is so easy to put down someone else,and does not prove the one doing the dissing,doing the negative commenting to be superior but actually thgey are revealing their own poor,unfortunate state of consious. I mean if you do not like ,why even waste your time with it, move on. thank you for saying something in this regard.
lisa
I agree, there’s no reason to be obnoxious in criticism. I am a music teacher, and as I was growing up and taking lessons, the typical way of teaching was to criticize, often fairly brutally. I’ve discovered that you can accomplish as much, if not more by prefacing a constructive remark by “This would be even better if…”
Or in knitting, if I really want to draw a student’s attention to something I feel could be done better: “Have you thought of trying…”
If one is criticizing with the sincere hope of improving a performance, be it music or knitting, there simply is no reason to become abusive in the process!
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