The Lion Sleeps Tonight

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That’s what Meg has been playing on the piano for the last 45 minutes. I am sitting in my office (with the door closed), trying to string together coherent words and all I can hear is The Lion Sleeps Tonight, over and over and over repeating itself ad nauseam until I think I am going to be forced to lock myself in the dry goods cupboard mumbling “Wim-a-weh” under my breath and hugging sock yarn until normal thought returns to my mind.

(Two weeks until the summer activities start. Two weeks. Wim-a-weh)

As some of you may remember from last year, this week, the second week of June is Birthday Week in the McPhee Clan, and the good times just keep on rolling. My charming brother Ian celebrated an undisclosed number of years on Sunday,

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and my wonderful mother Bonnie celebrates an even more undisclosed number of years this very day….

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Happy Birthday Mum! As an enormous gift, I am recycling last years photo of you, and sparing you the image that I took on Sunday. It looks nothing like you, though I really do think you have better hair this year. )

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My birthday rings in tomorrow, when I am pretty sure that no matter what my plans may have been last week, I will not have managed to turn this yarn (Alchemy silken straw)

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into this tank (Roundabout leaf tank from Knitting Nature) Into a tank top before my birthday party/book welcome tomorrow night.

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I got held up by my own raving incompetence as I tried to figure simple knitting maths. My thoughts went like this.

If the pattern is knit at 18 stitches to 10 centimetres, and you cast on 24 stitches to start then the width of the strip that you would be knitting would be…. Wait. If it’s 18 stitches to 4 inches, then one inch would be 4.5 stitches so 24 stitches would measure…Hold on. This doesn’t help. If I’m getting 28 stitches to 10cm and the strip is supposed to be 24 inches, no….stitches, then the number of the stitches that I need to have how many inches? Where do I get the inches? (For the love of wool someone get me a drink.) Look. If 4.5 stitches is one inch, and 7 stitches is one inch when I knit it, and an inch is 2.5cm and I ….. Oh (*&^%$! . Fine. 24 stitches divided by 4.5 stitches should give me inches for the width of the strip so I can multiply….Didn’t I ask someone to get me a drink?

At some point in this, Dibble must have felt my cosmic pain and being adept in the dark arts of numeric manipulation, mailed me an excel spreadsheet where all I have to do is pour a glass of wine, enter the gauge I’m supposed to be getting, the number of stitches that you cast on, the gauge I’m getting now, and whammo-bammo, before you can say “Mr. Lancaster’s grade 10 math class sucked” Dibble’s excel spreadsheet of glory spits out the number to cast on and the whole thing comes together. I love her.

That let me make a start, which I confirmed with Tree, who happens to be knitting the same thing, only she’s getting gauge. Now that I’m not getting gauge, but am getting the right width, the only thing left to worry about is trying to knit the leaves into places that will not strategically position them precisely over my nipples, stripping me of the very elegance that I seek.

Good times.

I leave you with this picture of summer in my city.

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If you live in Toronto, you don’t need to turn on the tv to know who is winning World Cup Soccer games, you just need to know your world flags. I don’t know what the score was…but I can tell you that Portugal definitely won something on Sunday.

164 thoughts on “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”

  1. Oh man, I just had a bad flashback to Mr. Temporale’s match class. I knew I sat beside Justin the smart kid for a reason!
    Happy birthday to all the assorted McPhees!

  2. ROFLOL!!! I want that spreadsheet!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done EXACTLY what you were doing. LOVE your 3rd book, and btw, thank you for stopping by my blog to check out The Meezer’s response to it – never mind her, she only has eyes for her tearstrip! HAPPY Birthday tomorrow!
    (((hugs)))

  3. Happy birthday, everyone. My family has the same thing– one party, with 5 cakes, for me, my daughter, and three of her cousins.
    Watch out for those leaves– they look like embarrassment waiting to happen.

  4. I think it must be the name ‘Lancaster’ is bad with math. Last year, I had the worst math teacher ever. I learned nothing. Her name was Mrs. Lancaster.
    Of course, it could be I learned nothing because I already knew everything and should have been put in a higher math class, and would of if there was one. But still. That was the worst hour everyday of last year.

  5. Happy birthday. Love the tank–hope the math doesn’t take too much of a toll. The excel sheet sounds fab–I’m going to get cracking on one of those!

  6. ummm, that would be Mr. Temporale’s MATH class. Mrs. Renzo, my English teacher just shook her head at my spelling…

  7. Just finished your second book (I’d already read the others) and thoroughly enjoyed it!

  8. Happy early birfday! Your mom looks cool, and that picture of your bro makes me want to pull up a beer and chat. The tank pic looks fantastic too…so much so that I forsee a gift in my sister’s future!

  9. Good luck with the maths. You made my head hurt and I’m not even knitting the darned thing.
    Hoping to be at your fete tomorrow evening unless I go into labour. I figure if the big moment comes AT the party I’ll be able to pry you away from the yarn long enough to catch the baby (then I’ll write a big cheque to the shop for cleanup).

  10. Oh my, sounds like our family’s January, a very Happy belated Birthday wishes to your bro, I must say, he is and has always seemed more than charming. Happy Happy Birthday to the Mum of Harlot, best of wishes being sent to her. hmmmmm, spread sheet on gauge, genius and are you kidding? we all want one. A very happy birthday for tomorrow, I will keep it to this one, I’m certain your mailbox will be crammed tomorrow. love to all xoxoxoxox

  12. Happy Birthday to the clan. I hope you all have many, many years ahead of you. Mom looks great. Dibble should send us ALL the Excel spreadsheet, because my math does NOT get better when you add wine.
    As an aside…I have started another sock. I’m using Sockotta and the magic loop, because I just was in tears by row 3 with the DPN’s, even though I broke down and bought wonderfully smooth Lantern Moon DPN’s, thinking that I’d get good sock karma from them. I didn’t. However, I am just whooshing away with the ML method and knit 1/2″ of K2P2 rib last night at 1 a.m. Wish me luck that this sock does not suck. 🙂

  13. It’s my mom’s birthday today too! I attempted to knit her a little purse, you know, for her lipstick and I.D. and her crackpipe. She claims to love it, but I’m not so sure . . .
    Anyway, Happy Birthday to your mom and brother! Happy Nearly Birthday to you!!

  14. Happy Early Birthday!!!!!!!!! May the day bring you warmth, frienship, and a little glow from all the folks wishing you well on such an auspicious day!
    PS: If you are bored, come book tour in Wisconsin!

  17. I need that spreadsheet too. I was trying to explain gauge to my non-knitting best friend (who has the decency to feign extreme interest,) and I wrapped up with, “So see, you’d know that if you needed 14 stitches in four inches, and you got 18 stitches in four inches, your work would be too small…large…small…no, wait – if you need 14 and you get 18, then your number is too large and therfore it’s…but…okay, see, you’d just knit it the hell anyway and give it away when you figure out if the person you need to give it to is smaller or larger than you or the person you were knitting for.”
    I always just pray for gauge and abandon the project for the time being if I don’t get it. Sad.

  18. Have you ever heard of the term “ear worm”? It’s a song that gets stuck in your head and won’t go away.
    “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is on the top 10 ear worm list.

  19. To all the McPhees–many felicitions of the various natal days! I hope you get to spend (or spent) the day exactly as you wish. No drudgery!

  20. (24st x 10cm)/18st = Xcm (X=13 1/3)
    Xcm/2.54=Y inches (5 1/4).
    Get her off the piano and have her do your math.
    Happy Birthday, Hunny!

  21. I *need* that spreadsheet. I have been trying to knit the toe in a different yarn from the foot of a sock, notwithstanding the fact that I get radically different gauges in the two yarns, notwithstanding the fact that they appear to be the same weight. This is partly but not entirely due to the difference between ribbing and st st. I feel your pain.
    Btw, 24 is 1/3 more than 18, so you would presumably get 1/3 more width with 24 than you would with 18, that is to say if you were getting 10 cm with 18 you would get 13.33 with 24. Not that you now need to know this.

  22. Ohmy, that brings back memories… my sister and I used to play that very song over and over as teens, driving Dad to distraction. Nevermind how many years ago that was.
    Happy Birthdays to the entire McPhee clan! A wee drop o’ Screech will be sipped in your name tonight.

  23. Portugal 1, Angola 0. If you’d looked on the other side of the street, the Angolan community were out in full force celebrating the fact they weren’t savagely trounced.

  24. Happy early birthday! Dibble sounds like an absolute genius. Please make that spreadsheet available for all of us mentally, I mean mathematically challenged with regard to gauge! We will have a new hero for sure!! Love your book too, I’m almost finished with it.

  25. Hey, is Mum going to guest blog for you again this year on your birthday day off? She did a great job last year.

  26. Happy, Happy Birthday to you, your mom & your brother! Tomorrow is a big day in my family also. My brother in law, my nephew & my son in law all have BD’s tomorrow! And, in the states, it’s Flag Day.

  28. Happy Birthdays all around!
    Just ripped a Hyrna Herborgar from row 93(of 127)all the way back to stitch one.
    Consoled myself by knitting very first cotton dishcloth. Ahhhhh. Quick knit, NOT lace, no gauge worries, immediately put to use.
    Good luck there with the tank, Wim-a-weh. Can’t Joe lend you some headphones?

  30. A very happy birthday to Mom McPhee and Brother McPhee. Your brother should be the poster guy for the “Canadian Male.” I miss Canada. 🙁
    And thank you for being such an inspiration. I finally graduated “Sock School” and have fallen in love with DPN’s. I *never* thought I’d say that.

  32. Hey, I love that song!
    Don’t worry, the kid will sleep tonight too.
    Dee dee dee dee dee
    Dee dee dee dee
    Whee a wom a weh
    Dee dee dee dee dee
    Dee dee dee dee
    Whee a wom a weh
    In Toronto, nice Toronto
    The kid will sleep tonight
    In Toronto, nice Toronto
    The kid will sleep tonight
    Repeat!

  34. Happy Birthday, Stephanie (I know it’s one day early, but I have a meeting tomorrow and won’t make it on to thank you…)!!!! Should we expect a birthday post? At least a post mortem of the birthday party? Wish I could hold mine in a yarn shop–GREAT idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Cheers!
    Sheila in Boston
    P.S. I’m on my lunch hour at work, so I’m off to knit on a sock now. See what good behavior you inspire? I have NO knitting time at home with toddler twins! Wish you would do a post on how to knit with small children about!

  35. Huh, I always liked that song, but 45 minutes? Oy. It would drive anyone to drink. Even without the math. I was terrified of Sister Marianne and after that I never could learn any math. Oh, and June birthdays? In my family that would be me, my brother, and my daughter. However, the non-stop birthday month in the family is October. That would be my grandfather, my father, my brother, my father-law, my brothers-in-law (2 of them), nephews (2), my granddaughter, and my grandson. Oh, my ex’s birthday is October 31, heh,heh.
    Steph, have a happy birthday and a fabulous year.

  36. When are you gonna post your summer tour to TEXAS? You (kinda) promised you’d come to Dallas/Ft. Worth and then I haven’t heard another word about it. It’s driving me nuts, cause I gotta make plans to make sure I have a ride from Midland to Dallas that weekend, not to mention time off from work! BTW, I’m making socks out of yarn I have leftover from making millions of scarves, mainly Fun Fur and other yarn of that ilk. It makes really comfy socks, and it cracks me up because all the fuzzy ends up on the inside of the socks. Thanx for the sock pattern!

  37. Well, at least the composer’s family are getting royalties: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5300359
    Thank goodness you notice the leaf-placement issue without prodding. But could you clarify for me just where on the front they could go without suggesting long-droopies, perky little cupcakes or a navel/gall-blader incision team? Ah, the tradition of the June shell — I’m tearing up. Wimoweh.

  38. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
    Have a wonderful multi-birthday celebration, and do something special for yourself on yours! 🙂
    That spreadsheet sounds divine!
    🙂

  39. Earplugs. Ear. Plugs. I’m gonna have to put in a cd, ’cause I’m a-wim-a-wehing right along with you. A few weeks ago, it was a-ha for days…which was actually quite fun. Made me feel 16 again.
    Love that tank! That book is on my List. Good luck with the leaf placement.
    And, have a great birthday-yarn-party-book-release tomorrow!
    (Weeeeee dee-dee dee-dee dee-do-do do-weh…wim a weh…where’s that cd…)

  40. Happy(upcoming)Birthday! By the way, maybe your dear hubby could rig up some kind of earphone thing so Meg can hear her music and the rest of you don’t. Well, not on the piano, but something. I bet he has parts and it would make a good round-about present for you. I can remember playing records endlessly and Mom getting a bit ragged.

  41. All of the excitement around World Cup is reason #7653 why I love living in Toronto. And Happy Birthday everyone! June’s a big birthday month in my family too – three out of the four of us kids.

  42. Happy Birthday to Ian, your Mother and of course to you!!
    Hope you enjoy your birthday/book party!
    Frickin’ Math!!! I suck at it too! Where can we get our grubby non-math hands on this spreadsheet of relief?

  43. I very very sadly moved away from Toronto about two weeks ago and much of my chagrin lies in the fact that I’m missing T.O. world cup. Last time I lived in Little Korea and it was one of the best times I had living in Toronto. It really makes the city’s multi-cultural nature shine. Sniff, I miss it.
    Oh, and happy birthday. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow too.

  44. Happy McPhee family birthdays!
    Glad you’re going to correct that nipple placement problem! The silk looks gorgeous.
    I need that spreadsheet too, I decided to do the lace cropped cardigan from Elan in a lighter weight and am now stuck on how many stitches to start with!
    Off to caress my 2lbs of merino top that Laura (http://www.cosmicpluto.com/blog/) sent, too bad I have to work this afternoon.

  45. Oh, my…your math thought processes are an awful lot like mine! I avoid it whenever possible. What’s the chance that we can get hold of the formula in that spreadsheet? Have a very Happy Harlot-y Birthday!

  47. Happy Birthday to all of the celebrating McPhees! I finally completed me set of your books recently and the Secret Life of a Knitter saved me on a hideous recent plane ride. I love your books because when I read them everything suddenly just makes sense. I wish you many, many more years of spreading your knitterly wisdom near and far.

  50. Well, happy biithday. I left a comment on the wrong day. See my message on June 7 for insight about the state of my brain… Gee!

  51. Happy birthdays all around! My family is all spread out so we miss out on the fun of party after party (or one big party).
    And with my luck the leaves would definitely end up right smack over my nipples, the thought of it is enough to scare me away from that pattern for good. I have tons of faith in you, so rock on!!

  52. How wonderful that you have your family nearby to share birthdays with! A very Happy Birthday Ian and Bonnie and, since you’ll be swamped tomorrow and have to get ready for your Yarn Shop Birthday Party (which means you have to load up your yarn bag) I wish you much success, good health and happiness in the coming year. And I hope you have a really good kick-arse party too.
    Happy Birthday to All and to all a good night. No, wait…oh never mind. Have fun.

  54. Next time write it down. I mean really, do you expect to keep all that straight in your head?
    And happy birthday to the family!

  55. The trick to defeating an “earworm” song is to replace it with another one (hopefully not so annoying). I work nights restocking in a large store and the folks I work in the back room with enjoy some really jangly repetitious music that drives me wild. They tend to play the same CD (sometimes the same song) over and over. I can only combat it by getting the right song in my head and repeating it to myself.
    Happy Birthday! My husband’s birthday is June 8 along with two of our dearest friends – isn’t that wild?
    Be sure to get yourself some knitting time in among all the other fun! – Karen

  56. The tank will be smashing. I believe you could knit a tree from branches if you had the mind to do so. A Happy Birthday & best wishes to all the McPhees! And may your little lions sleep tonight.

  57. Happy, happy birthday to all of you! As to your comment about Meg’s tune, ummm, i have one word for you: Recorder. Yep. My piano-playing son got a recorder at school, and lately, he and all his little friends have been practicing with them entirely TOO MUCH. I should be careful what I wish for, but right now, i would welcome hearing him play the same song over and over on piano.

  59. That’s why I have an electronic piano — I may not be able to play it during a hurricane, but I can wear headphones and turn the sound off so my husband doesn’t get that strange tic when I play one song waaayyy tooooo looonnnnggg.
    Happy Birthday to All Y’all!

  60. Happy Birthday!!
    Hee hee – I picture Joe sabotaging the spreadsheet to thwart your attempt at strategic nipple coverage… 😉

  61. Happy Birthday to the whole McPhee clan. As a dyed-in-the-wool (no pun intended) Harlot fan, I’m am so happy/grateful that you were born!
    I vote with everyone else for the spreadsheet. I’m pretty good at math, except when my yarn is involved. Then I just go wonky.
    Hippo Birdie Two Ewes!

  62. US sports shows are all weepy that the US team lost, which is strange considering that soccer (football) gets so little coverage in the US throughout the year. Shocked to learn that we even had a soccer team!

  63. Happy Birthday! I thought I’d had it bad with “The Lion” in beginner cello, but 45 minutes on the piano is far worse!!
    Enjoy your party!

  64. I postponed my book club session so I will be there early-ish (after work), also I need to return the Blue Sky Alpaca and Silk that I bought last week when I saw you (or was it two weeks ago?). Anyway, I realized the pattern is really difficult and I rather make something easier and more enjoyable/less stressful.
    Will see you tomorrow!
    MARIA

  66. Happy Birthday to all. We have the same kind of month in our family, with Fathers Day and our anniversary thrown in there for good measure. Hallmark loves me. The Lion Sleeps Tonight? It’s the war theme from Lord of the Rings…really LOUDLY…at our house. Ay yi yi.

  68. While the sweater itself is smartly stunning, I would really like to have the body that’s modelling that. Man, those arms go on forever! Bet there’s no jell-o wiggling under there like mine are, sometimes I can create my own breeze on a hot day!
    Assorted birthday felicitations – have a beer for me!

  69. Well, whether or not you figure out your maths, the top looks lovely draped over the rose bush!
    Cute family photos, bon anniversaire a tout la famille McPhee.

  70. Points to you for spotting the leaf placement speedbump ahead of time. I would have never thought of that and had my nipples and naval marked without realizing it until the first time I proudly tried it on.
    oh cruel fate…

  71. Ohmigosh! I share a birthday with the great Yarn Harlot! I’m more excited about this than knowing that we both share a birthday with Donald Trump.

  72. Ah the family birthweek. I used to call the first week in June “Birthday Hellweek” (my daughter, my mother and my husband all have birthdays). Now I call it “The Week of Relentless Celebration.”

  73. My fifth grade band played “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” for the concert we did two weeks ago… after teaching it to them and rehearsing it for four months, I can’t even stand the hint of it anymore.

  74. It’s birthday week at my house too except that I don’t share it with anyone. I have an entire birthday week for myself and I celebrate every day of it. The more years I have to celebrate; the more days I need for celebration. By the time I’m 60, I plan on an entire month of celebratory fervor.
    My four-year-old heard The Lion Sleeps Tonight and thought the whole “weem oh way” part was talking about pee.

  75. Happy birthday to all of you!
    Wow, what a great idea with the Excel spreadsheet. Can’t believe I didn’t think of it before — I use Excel for just about everything else. I just set one up and it’s so cool! Now to email it to the house, which is where the yarn and needles are. OK, back to work . . .

  76. Can you please, please, please, please post a link to that most wonderful spreadsheet? I promise not to sing an Wim-a-Wehs… 🙂
    HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

  77. The spreadsheet sounds like a (God/Dibble)-send! I’m still trying to teach myself sufficient math so I can do it with the flick of an eyelid, or whatever gesture demonstrates effortlessness.
    If you employed that technique here, you would think that England had won every World Cup Ever and just nailed this one.
    Happy birthday to all those of the McPhee clan to whom it applies! – and happy un-birthday to those to whom it doesn’t. 🙂

  79. The person that comes up with a formula for getting guage everytime is going to be a millionaire over night. MATH !!!(that’s a four letter word ) and i don’t use it .
    Happy BirthDay and a GREAT year ahead for Ian and your Mom . BEST of EVERYTHING you wish for Stephanie –Happy Birthday. I cannot make it to the bash but my niece is going for both of us. She even said she was going to buy me some sock yarn . She is very good to her CRAZY OLD AUNT. WIm-a-weh Wim-a-weh going through my head over and over –MEG!!! see what you did to us .

  81. Happy almost-birthday!
    Are you at all familiar with the They Might Be Giants song, “The Guitar”? It’s got bits set to the tune of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, but they’re about a lion taking over a spaceship. I, at least, would rather have the TMBG lyrics running through my head than the standard words. 🙂

  83. Birthday month in this Gemeeeeni household too. Happy to you and yours from us and ours.
    And Dude? I’m sure you’ll be able to transform that yarn into that tank. The real question is can anyone transform their thighs into those thighs. Gawrsh. Would that we could.

  89. Happy birthdays! Ian’s got better hair this year, too. World Cup: when it was at Stanford, after it ended, a small rental car packed with huge guys and suitcases rolled down their wondow and asked, carefully picking each word in English, “How go to 101?” I told them. (That would be the way back to San Francisco airport, clearly.) Then I watched them roll up the window and argue with each other. I finally realized they’d simply decided to follow me, since obviously I knew how to get there! I decided I’d better change course and go to that freeway instead of home. They cheered when they saw the 101 sign: score!

  91. I started knitting a top. I vaguely measured from a swatch that 210 stitches all around would make it nicely fitting and after some 30 centimeters it showed somehow to be at least 20 cm looser. So I sort of re-decided the thing, instead of a cable pattern back and front I decided to make a tree design (learnt to knmit leaves yesterday:-)))) and i have no idea how I’ll make the upper part. Well, I have idea how it should look like but not what will really happen.
    As for football, it sucks. I need to study and not listen to the guys above jumping and screaming nad throwing beer bottles around.
    Clingy tunes… well, today, for whatever the reason, I caught myself humming the lovely duet from Händel’s Messiah that starts O death, where is thy sting, o grave, where is thy victory. A duet, mind that.

  92. OK, I had to order that book. If for no other reason than to look at that tank from time to time. You’ll make it work – I know it!
    Happy Birthday to McPhees! Party and dance all week.

  93. We took my 5yo to see The Lion King (musical play, not movie) about a month ago. There is the barest snippet of that song in the play…and I now hear it, oh, 97 times each day. Even my 2yo can sing it. 😉 Two more weeks! I suggest ear plugs & Screech.
    And Happy Happy Birthday!

  94. Hey, happy birthdays all around. Perhaps we can see your mom’s new hair in another picture.
    So there is this knitter of lesser stature. I know the subgroup well. We knit and we have deep anxieties about gauge to the point where we only knit things where it doesn’t matter. Things like socks and scarves. Knitters like us could use the spreadsheet. Perhaps it could be a stepping stone to real knitterhood.

  96. Okay, now I have that song stuck in my head. You’ve shared the pain.
    I love that tank. Heck, I love the book – Hex Coat is just too cool.
    Happy Birthday to all!

  97. Happy birthday to all three of you! Best of luck with those leaves. If, by any chance, the leaves end up in the wrong spot on that tank, you can just rename it the “Eve” tank. Damn. I should be in advertising.

  98. For all us Math impaired (and we know who we are) can you pls share the magical spreadsheet? I love spreadsheets, they can add and subtract and get a correct answer each time! It’s absolutely amazing! Patti

  99. Oh god, the curse of sophmore math. Don’t frighten me, I have to take that in the fall! 🙂

  100. I can certainly relate to this. In my case I was getting ready for work every day to the sound of “Oh when the saints go marching in” every single morning. I would offer the piano teacher extra money not to check that one on her list for the week. Katie would play it any way! Now she’l in Physicians Asst. School, married and I about melted down dead when she moved her piano to her own house. I moved every stick of furniture in my house to cover that void. Couldn’t be done. Finally had to get another piano there! My two year old granddaughter now “plays” her own music on it once a week. I wonder when she’ll learn THe Saints Go Marching IN?

  101. I can certainly relate to this. In my case I was getting ready for work every day to the sound of “Oh when the saints go marching in” every single morning. I would offer the piano teacher extra money not to check that one on her list for the week. Katie would play it any way! Now she’s in Physicians Asst. School, married and I about melted down dead when she moved her piano to her own house. I moved every stick of furniture in my house to cover that void. Couldn’t be done. Finally had to get another piano there! My two year old granddaughter now “plays” her own music on it once a week. I wonder when she’ll learn THe Saints Go Marching IN?

  102. Happy Birthday Ian, and Mom Bonnie, and happy early birthday to you Stephanine. May you all have many wonderful years ahead!
    Happy knitting
    Lana

  104. Happy birthday Ian! Happy birthday Mum! Happy birthday (in advance) Stephanie! But aren’t you supposed to get the presents? So, uh, why have we all been gifted to have that $%@#*&^ song stuck in our heads?
    And I’m sorry ’bout the whole math mixup. The spreadsheet sounds like a great helper. Can someone tell me though, why we knitters all become math impaired? I mean, I do taxes for a living, add huge numbers in my head — and I still need a pencil to figure gauge . . .

  105. Happy McPhee Week, from Portugal Central…where you know who wins by whose flag is being used as a halter top and shorts. Ah, Montréal.

  106. Happy birthday to you, your bro and your mum. I think that was everyone. Your brother is very cute. You should post a picture of him every Tuesday.

  108. Happy Birthday… and may you have hair as elegant as that beautiful tank you are creating!

  109. Yes we did won the match but we kinda sucked as a team :-). The whole country stopped to watch this match, is crazy
    Happy Birthday all the way from Portugal.

  111. At first, I thought, “Oh good, now I’ll have a _different_ song in my head.” Unfortunately, what I now have in my head is, “Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind, a weeeeeeee-eeee-eee-ee-a-wee-a-wimuhweh.”

  112. I get to hear all about the World Cup whether I want to or not (I don’t) because I am married to a soccer fanatic who after all these years still tries to coach the players from our living room!

  113. Mr. Quigley. That’s all I have to say. It was his fault I never took another math class, and probably his fault that I didn’t get into Yale–although, since I went to Smith instead and really couldn’t have been better placed, it’s just as well Mr. Quigley hated girls and thought they were all stupid and asked too many questions. But I still can’t do algebra; my kids have to ask their father for help with that homework.
    Liz

  114. thats some sexy tank top yer gonna knit fer yer birthday. as is the one worn by yer mum in her last years birthday photo. and look at yer dad! in his batiked relaxed button shirt! the birthday month appears to get it’s deserved celebration. enjoy!

  115. Happy Birthday Mum, Happy Birthday Ian, and Happy Birthday Steph (since I know you don’t work on your birthday). Hope you finally got your drink 🙂

  116. Happy birthday to the McPhee family! I miss Canada and Toronto and the honking car parades after World Cup games. And I feel your pain about that song. One of my coworkers has the Hokey Pokey as her cellphone ring tone…if she doesn’t pick it up, it repeats exactly 2.25 times.

  117. Happy Birthday to you Brother, Mother and you. It is birthday week here too. From the 12th to the 16th, is my cousin, ME!, MY DD, and my sil. Hope you are having a great day and week.

  118. You have my sympathy, though not for giving me the earworm 😉 Thanks to the person who mentioned TMBG, now I have “In the spaceship, the peaceful spaceship, the lion takes controooooool…” stuck there as well *snerk* Thank God for RealPlayer!

  121. HB! Mr. Salerno, my HS Chem teacher taught us how to deal with this stuff in a way that I’ve always remembered, and it has been more than useful. I am crap on a stick at math, but this makes it easier than pie. What do you want to figure out? The width of the strip. You don’t know what that is, so you put a “?” on one side, with “cm” next to it, cuz that’s what you are looking for (inches for us lame-o yanks). Now put an “=” to the right of that: “?cm = ” Now draw a lo-o-o-ng horizontal line to the right of that: “?cm = ————-” Put the ratio (gauge) with cm on TOP, and stitches on BOTTOM and enclose it with parentheses: “?cm = (10cm/18st)——–” (pretend that fraction is up and down instead of left/right) Now put the width in stitches ON THE TOP of the horizontal line, next to the 10 cm: “?cm = (10cm/18st)(24 st)——-” When you do the math, the units (the “word” part: cm, st, inches, rows, etc.) CANCEL each other out. That’s the key, it’s like simplifying a fraction: 12/9 = 4/3 because you can CANCEL the extra 3, 2x/x = plain ol’ 2, cuz the x’s CANCEL out. That’s all you do. “?cm = (10cm/18st)(24 st)——-” 10cmx24/18 = 13 1/3 cm. The stitches cancel each other out. If you set up the units right, the numbers fall into place, because then you just plug the numbers in the calculator.
    Thank you Mr. Salerno!

  123. Happy, Happy Birthday to one and all. 😉 Just bought the third book, somehow missed getting the second one. Off to Barnes & Noble I go.

  124. My sister decided to learn to play the piano by teaching herself to play Moonlight Sonata. She played it over and over (and over and….) At first it was pleasant, then I wanted jam beans in my ears. Now everytime I hear it I practically weep for joy remembering her playing my piano. It’s always beautiful. Maybe you will weep every time you hear The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I know I would. (a wim-a-weah)

  125. hi stephanie — glad to hear you got the tank started… i hadn’t even thought about the upper leaf placements… another thing to worry about! I also tried doing some pretty fancy math re: row gauge only to be dissuaded by a couple clearer minds than mine. I’m gonna KIS and try resisting the temptation to change the pattern (ha-ha, we’ll see how that goes).
    And of course a big, huge, sloppy birthday wish to you, Ian, Mum and anyone else out there celebrating their birth! Eat Cake First! ♥

  126. Oooh – I’m so glad you’re knitting that tank. I bought the book (which arrived today) specifically for the love of that pattern (although the whole thing looks pretty amazing) and it does look like it should be doable in at least one of the many fabulous not-aran weight silk yarns presently around. I’m going to be lazy and voyeuristic and await your outcome first, though – just in case it turns out to be a bad idea and then I won’t have to do all that math for naught. Or frog a really expensive yarn that I have no business adding to my stash right now.

  127. Hippo birdie two shoes!
    Hippo birdie two shoes!
    Hippo birdie high heel shoes!
    Hippo birdie two shoes!
    May you get lots of fibery fun things for your birthday, fellow June birthday girl (mine’s tomorrow)!
    Duffy

  128. Wow – that’s an awful lot of Geminis all in one place. Is it like a bipolar twins convention, or what?? HA! Have a wonderful birthday, everyone – and especially our Harlot.

  130. Yeah, so, I got about a sentence into your paragraph about gauge and had to skip it. Tenth grade math did me in, too. Your thoughts reminded me of those stupid math questions,”If train a is moving along at such and such rate of speed and train b…blah, blah,blah.” So, I hope you have a good birthday tomorrow. And hey, I bought your At Knits End book and am truly loving it. The only time I get to read with two small kids seems to be while I’m in the bathroom late at night, which is right next door to my son’s room. And I’m so afraid my laughter’s going to wake him. But anyways, another book sale. That’s a good thing on a birthday, huh?! Take care! And I know I so totally talk to you like you really know me, but I guess that’s what happens when you read a person’s blog and their book. You tend to feel like you know them or something. :0)

  133. Happy assorted birthdays for undisclosed numbers of years! I wonder, how does one get ahold of a gauge spreadsheet?

  134. Happy b-day, Ian, Mom Bonnie and Steph the WonderKnitter!!
    I wasn’t really interested in that tank until you just HAD to show the picture (I had been studiously avoiding clicking on that little link before). Now, I am going to have to find one more knitting book at the Library, to see if the book is worth buying surrepticiously, so DH doesn’t catch on to how much money I spend on books, and yarn and books about yarn and knitting (and “the Knitting Lifestyle”). Heh, like he doesn’t already know??
    Yeah, The Lion Sleeps Tonight is one of those catch-in-your-head songs. Know what one does it for my 19 year-old son……that one from “Rent”…..five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred-minutes……..
    His nine year-old brother just learned it drives big brother bonkers. It’s going to be a LOOOOONG summer!!

  135. It’s 10:30 here on the West Coast, so it must be past midnight where you are. Happy Birthday!
    And a very happy birthday to the other members of Team Harlot who are celebrating this week!
    I can’t wait to see what will happen in your knitting, I mean, life this year.

  136. I was re-reading one of the chapters from Yarn Harlot today, as I often do when I need a laugh! And you were discussing places to stash yarn and that readers should drop you a line if they have one you haden’t mentioned. This was one of my sneakier Christmas hiding places…..I could hide their presents right in their own room!!! And they’d never find them…..and I raised a bunch of Christmas peekers!!! If your dresser is not up on legs……if the furniture goes down to the floor..you can pull out the bottom drawer and depending on the size of the dresser have a pretty good sized hidey-hole under the bottom drawer space… I do advise on putting stash in bags though……because dust bunnies tend to party hearty under there! Hope this helps you hide a little more of you stash!!!

  137. PS…I almost forgot……HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all…(my daughters birthday was yesteday too!!!!) June is a great month for birthdays!

  138. Happy Birthday! Perhaps Meg will stop playing the Lion King for your Birthday. That’d be a nice gift.
    Happy Birthday to the McPhee clan!

  139. Happy Birthday!
    As for the gauge conversion math thing–have you tried http://www2.ametro.net/orion/knitcomp.htm
    And for the Lion Sleeps–the Oscar Mayer weiner song (oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner, that is what I truely want to be…..) takes other songs out of your head but doesn’t stay stuck itself! Kind of a magical thing, that.

  140. Happy Birthday to all of the McPhees, but especially you, Stephanie. Enjoy your day, your party and all who love you.

  141. Happy birthday to all who are having them.
    Good luck with the tank. Personally, I’d leave off the leaves after the first go-round. I hope that isn’t really nine miles of ribbing with a little lace on one edge.
    Guess what song was playing at the (retro) diner we usually go to. It isn’t even a tape, it’s on the jukebox and somebody had to pay money to play it. Is it some kind of meme?

  142. Happy Birthday!
    I´ve just finished reading your second book, I really love the way you write! I´m going to start reading the third one this afternoon, can´t wait.
    Greetings from Germany, not far from Stuttgart, where some of the soccer World Cup matches take place *sigh*,
    Tanja

  144. Do you remember the woman with the “real-really”-problem?
    Here I am, wishing you a happy birthday! 😉
    And: I live in Germany. Guess how the streets look HERE… You definitely don’t wanna see it!

  145. Have the happiest of birthdays!!!!
    I am overwhelmed with graduate school work. Have little to no time to knit. But I never miss your blog. It is what keeps me going when I’m ready to scream, pull my hair out, go out of my mind…you get the point.
    Happy, Happy Birthday!!!!!
    Just know that you bring much happiness (and many laughs!!!) to many other people! Especially those who don’t have time to post a note!
    P.S. I even have my hubby reading your blog! He said your carpenter knew what he was talking about regarding your roof.

  147. Have a lovely birthday, Stephanie. You brighten my day, and I’m glad you’re around!
    Crossing my fingers that the leaves do not end up as knitted nipple covers.
    Cheers!

  148. Happy, Happy Birthday Stephanie (and family)
    Now I have the Tokens’ Greatest Earworm running through my head. Did I mention that I am a lyric soprano? Yup. It’s not the “Weee-ee’s” that are killin’ me, it’s the “Ah-ah-aaah-aaaaah’s” My fillings are starting to rattle. *Sigh* 😎
    And I’ll bet the designer had to rip those leaves out at least once to place them modestly. (Or they were intended as pasties and the model was just to skinny to make it work)
    Cheers!

  149. Happy Birthday to your brother, your mom (who you look very much like, by the way) and especially to you — a woman who brings me much laughter and delight in my every day life — May your birthday be fun and glorious and be free of The Lion Sleeps Tonight. Wim-a-weh. — Happy Birthday Stephanie. 🙂
    You will nail this knit just as you nail every other knit you put your energy into. You will kick it’s ass and the leaves will not end up being nipple covers, and you will look elegant and lovely. 🙂 Good luck and have fun! Remember … knitting is supposed to be fun (right??).

  150. Holy Crap…the measuring frenzy sounded just like me last night! I could NOT (for the life of me,) figure out the 18/24 stitch ratio I needed to start a sweater….so I started a sock instead. Oh sweet comfort.
    Where can I get my hands on this magic spreadsheet….it sounds wonderful!

  151. A knitting friend like Dibble is a friend indeed!
    And now… sing along with me… “Dem bone dem bones dem Butcha Bones…” darn jingle has been hounding me since the 80’s

  152. Happy Birthday to all the McPhees. Love your blog and hearing about your family and your knitting adventures. I always have trouble with gauge ( have to come down one or two sizes) but if I had that spreadsheet maybe I wouldn’t suffer so. Is there somewhere I can order it?

  153. A Happy birthday to your entire clan. Now the real point of my message (LOL): I want that spreadsheet…please. I avoided high school math like the plague until finally forced to take it at the ripe old age of 55 in order to graduate from college…and even then, the grade was…ahem…one of my great shames I don’t talk about. So, if you are feeling charitable about the spreadsheet…

  154. I’ve just returned from a 2 week vacation in Europe and think you need to hear this story. Let me start by saying, you have Joe and I have John. We were in Geneva and I sent an email to a very good friend of mine who is a new knitter and new to the harlot. Took to both instantly. Anyway, I asked her to search for a yarn shoppe in Bern on line and she, who normally is in bed by 10, sent me the info she’d found after midnight one night. Her comment — the harlot would be so impressed! Best part, the shoppe she found, WollWirrWare – Wylerstrasse 53 was only a short bus ride from our hotel.
    Now, you ask why did I start out talking about John? John has followed me to yarn shoppes all over the US, Montreal, London and now Bern. He wasn’t there when I packed a whole suitcase full of the most beautiful wool in Gairloch, Scotland 7 years ago. He knew I would not be able to resist; I had purposely NOT searched for shoppes before I left Boston (although I certainly had left lots of room in my suitcase for something). John just laughed when I told him how I’d gotten the address, that they deal in Rowan yarns, and I wanted to go. He got us there, sat and made himself comfortable reading pattern books (he’s very good at that), found a pattern for our daughter in Los Angeles (short sleeved things for her always), and I? I was in heaven in a shoppe of such organization, style, and class I just wanted to buy everything. I got some beautiful silk/wool blends, cotton/wool blends for socks (I make a lot of socks), and a cashmere/cotton I’m interested in working with. Then the world stopped: the shoppe owner’s credit card machine was broken and we didn’t have the amount of cash on us (it was a lot). I was aware my heart stopped beating I think but good old John, got us back down to town on the right bus (I was in shock really), we went to the bank and he took out the cash we needed, then steered me back to the bus stop and back to the shoppe. When we were on our way back to the hotel, I asked him why he’d been so patient after 2 hours in the shoppe and then the payment fiasco. “Because of the look on your face at the thought we might leave Bern without all that yarn! There was no way I was leaving without it!”
    So … to the men in the lives of obsessive knitters — raise a glass one and all!!!

  155. What a cool spreadsheet! Happy Birthday to everyone in your family having a birthday! Love that Silken Straw yarn (it looks like linguine!)

  156. Happy Birthday Stephanie’s charming brother Ian!
    Happy Bithday to Stephanie’s wonderful Mum!
    Having my butt kicked recently by Charlotte’s web, I hate knitting math just a little bit more now!

  157. Happy Birthdays to the Whole Clan! GORGEOUS Tank Top – I would love to make that, myself!
    “The Lion Sleeps Tonite” reminds me, there’s a song by a children’s songwriter/singer named Steve Roslonek (SteveSongs) called “Bothering a Sleeping Lion and Why Not To Do It”. In the song it says if you wake the sleeping lion, it.will.sing…and you will “never, ever, get that song out of your head.”
    🙂

  159. I BOUGHT your book – ‘At Knit’s End’ – (something I never do, I am a library fanatic..), enjoyed it immensely (it made me laugh), and ever since have been coming to your site for a laugh, or two. You rarely fail me.
    Thanks.
    Terry

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