My nephew Hank is seven now and spent the weekend here, and there is no end to the things he taught me during that time.

1. I had been under the impression that the most painful thing a mother can step on (after careful research and years of experience) was a four-hole square lego piece. I was wrong.

The smallest of these “Star Wars Fighting Guys” hurts so much to step on that you don’t even feel the emotional pain of your nephew screaming “don’t hurt my guys!” while you slowly extract an extremely small lightsaber from the fleshy part of your instep.

2. All finished sweater photo shoots should be managed, art directed and photographed by seven year old boys. When I finished Juno this weekend Hank offered to take pictures of it for me.

Here’s a close up of the button band.

Hank said I chose good buttons. I am more pleased with the fabulous picking up of stitches. I’ve never had it go better.

Then we did some modelled shots. It took the Hankster a couple to work out how to get me all in….

Then Hank decided that the shoot needed to be more dynamic.

He suggested I be “LOWER”

He suggested I be “RUNNING”

He suggested I be “SCARY”

and this one, in which I was directed to “TRY AND BE PRETTY”

(Photo shoots with seven year olds are not for those with low self esteem.)

Details: Juno, from Rowan #40. Yarn: Rowan Scottish Tweed Aran in “storm grey 004” from Magpie Yarns in Lexington Kentucky, held single, 5 balls to make the third size. (I have a 37 inch chest, but wanted only a very little negative ease.) I modified the sweater to make it a little higher in the front, a la Vanessa.

3. When I was taking this picture, to demonstrate exactly how much yarn I had left over when I was done the sweater (such a close finish. I was beside myself.) Hank asked me what I was doing.

“Taking a picture to show that I only have a little yarn left”.

Hank looked at me like I had three heads, glanced around the living room (where there may be some other sorts of yarn lying around) and then said….

“So….you’re lying to these people?”

Clarity is everything. In the interest of honesty, Hank insists that I tell you that while there is only a little bit of THAT yarn left, there is some other yarn in the house, and even some other grey yarn.

4. Seven year olds learn how to do Dance Dance Revolution much, much faster than 38 year olds.

I was unprepared for two things here. Firstly, the absolutely crushing defeat I was dealt by those two wee feet and secondly, the very real pain I felt when Hank didn’t know who David Bowie was and said that he looked sort of “Stupid”.

(Am I the only one having a hard time trying to explain the 80’s to the next generation?)

5. There is no charm greater than a seven year old buying flowers for his mum.

Which would totally explain how he got the money out of me.