Traditionally, one of my best things is Christmas. I practically make a hobby out of it every year and you’d think that this year would be no exception, but I am not really feeling it just yet. Last year I think I leaned really hard into the whole Covid holiday theme, really busted a move trying to make everything as good as it could be even though we couldn’t gather. I dropped off gingerbread to everyone who usually comes to the Gingerbread Party so we could do it over Zoom – we had backyard visits and distanced everything and I mailed cards and ornaments to feel close to people we couldn’t see and it wasn’t the way things should be, but it was a strange and terrible year, so it felt like I met expectations because frankly, nobody had any.
This year I thought about doing all those things but when I imagine spearheading the whole thing I just feel… exhausted. Anyone else? When I think about finding creative and novel ways to show people I love them when I can’t be with them… I am just so tired. All of this is compounded by the way that some people can gather more than we’re able to – so dropping of the kit for a virtual party when they’re on their way to a (very small) in-person one feels silly. I’m really super grateful that (so far screw you Omicron) we can gather more than we were able to last year. There will be one or two more people around our table and I’m working towards celebrating that as much as I can. To that end, I decided to shift into high gear and fake it until I make it.
The tree is up, I’m working the spreadsheet and making reindeer themed pancakes and going for walks to count the Christmas lights and today I gathered up everything I intend to knit before Christmas to try and scare myself into the festive spirit.
It is a big pile and perhaps the spirit of Christmas dwells within me yet because I look at that pile and I feel hope.
In that pile: A few twinkle stars (this number may grow. I am oddly obsessed and can’t predict where it ends.) A sweater for Ellie that’s about a third done, my advent socks (I got the 24 stripe set from The Cozy Knitter). Four pairs of large men’s socks, none started. One hat, almost done, and a super large Sea Ink. (Rav link) That behemoth is about halfway done.
Oddly, looking at that pile, I am unconcerned. I don’t know whether it’s because I feel like I have loads of time, or because a few of those pairs of socks are optional – kinda, or if it’s because it doesn’t quite feel like Christmas yet.
I’m going to buckle down and get to knitting in earnest and see if that makes me feel a lot more festive. Nothing like a Christmas deadline to get your bells jingling. How about you? Anything making this second Covid Christmas feel great to you? I’m open to suggestions.
Hi there, I know how you feel. Here in the UK we can mix, but I’m not sure we should be mixing and who knows by Christmas that might have changed again. So we are staying safe and trying to meet odd friends outside. Hand washing like crazy and sanitising. I have at least this year bought a new tree as last year I didn’t even put a tree up.
Last year at this time I had just moved from my long-time home into a small condo, and my life was in boxes with (as it turned out) unhelpful labels. It took until late October to get a functional kitchen and bathroom, but the arrival of a living room rug yesterday after many months of dithering around on the net has finally made it look like a home. I went out and bought a small Christmas tree and located the boxes of ornaments. So good to see these old friends — hand made with love or bought at special places — with their memories still attached. They make up for a lot.
We are in flux for all those reasons, PLUS either we are leaving the country for five months (for work) on January 2, or…we are not. (Thanks, Omicron.) should I make cookies? Or should I spend that time packing and suspending utilities and…? Should we get a tree that will just have to come down before New Year’s, or skip it? Sigh.
I love your knitting pile. Take good care.
I don’t feel like Christmas yet, either. I don’t think it’s Covid; I am just so done with hearing bad news. I’m in Vancouver; we’ve had torrential rains and massive floods, and all the shortages, difficulties, and sad stories always that come hand-in-hand with disasters. I have reached my limit for worrying about things and for taking in bad news. Omicron? – sorry, I’ve got no time for you right now. Christmas? I’m not working for you this year. I will turn on my little sparkly tree and drink some spiced alcohol and watch old movies on TV. That’s it.
Seems to me that’s a perfectly good and rational plan for Christmas under current conditions. Perhaps a few Christmas carols closer to the day? Christmas in BC may very well be a muted affair this year. Blessings to you all.
So many poor souls have been so harshly (and unfairly in my opinion …. Fires this summer and now floods??!! ) that it has reminded me how lucky I am to NOT have been affected and that I am lucky I CAN celebrate Christmas this year. So I will gather my small family and we will celebrate and be grateful that we can. And yes of course I’ve been knitting winter hats and socks – a blessing to be crafty during these strange times! Merry Christmas to all!
Did a knitted Advent Calendar (inspired by the ones you have done). Started in August and finished on time. Made knitted toys to go with books for two other Grandsons. Knitted 3 other Christmas ornaments to go with some cold hard cash for other people. Hmmm, oh I knitted 4 pairs of socks that went into my own personal long range planning box last spring. Also, a toddler hat and a pair of mittens linked with I cord for the 2 year old grandson.
I think that’s about it. Done with 2021 Christmas knitting. On to making pecan brittle and some jam to finish off the packages (fruitcake was done 6 weeks ago and has been basting in raspberry brandy) and get them in the mail, hopefully early next week.
I’m so weirdly ahead of the game that today I started the 1st ornament for future Advent Calendar for Granddaughter that just turned 8 months old.
I’ve lost my mind. No, it’s Covid and how bored I’ve been just staying home. Knitting and watching YouTube videos has been my life for the duration.
I so love that you look at your knitting pile and feel hope. That’s the essence of the Christmas Spirit to me. I have every faith in you, and your abilities to be the vehicle of the appropriate Christmas knitting miracle for this year.
I, too, am struggling with the concept of Christmas this year. I have pulled out my Christmas cards – but they sit on the piano bench with no plans to begin to address them, let alone write the letters to go with them. I feel pressured to get together with extended family (by extended family) but I am not comfortable with the mere thought of even going outside of our area, let alone merry-making after a drive of nearly 3 hours (one way) to meet in someone’s home. I will decorate a tree, I will get stocking stuffers and gifts for my children and my spouse – at some point in time. Just not today…probably not tomorrow. I will send positive thoughts to friends near and far as they are often in my thoughts. I will continue to hope that in 2022, we will safely gather again, share our knitting projects in person and feel somewhat whole again.
https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/starry-light-2
Linking the Starry Lights pattern, in case others here are Instagram-challenged like me.
Excuse me while I run to my hardware store for some fairy lights….
Thank you for the link! I have been looking for the pattern high and low! I’m running to the store for lights too.
Jane
THANK YOU!!
Oh, thank you!!!
Thanks for this!! I had not yet gotten beyond the “what the heck’s up with the electrified knitting?!?” stage…
I am finding strange comfort in not being the only one struggling. My tree is up, my cards are written, but faking it isn’t working yet.
We put the tree up today – I don’t think I’d have done it at all but my partner wanted to and my children loved it. And we are advent calendar chocolates at breakfast. So I feel like By the time Christmas Day arrives it might feel like Christmas again.
I thought it was just me. There is a small comfort in numbers, I suppose. Early on, I recycled a small scrappy artificial tree, set it up in the kitchen with cookie cutters as ornaments, and it made me smile. Then, another small tree that always houses my oldest childhood ornaments. But now I feel depleted. The mere thought of a big, real tree exhausts me. I hate the idea of shopping, and my neglected knitting sits sadly accusing me, poking out of baskets all over the house. My beloved family all live nearby and we’ll be together except for my mom, who is also nearby but deep into dementia. I think that’s the core of it. I can only get so far in ignoring that particular loss and others of the past year. Again. I have a lot of love around me and should be ashamed of myself for being a poop, but there it is: I am a Poop this holiday season. I’ve got three more weeks and I’m counting on the Christmas spirit to kick in before the holiday. P.S. Sorry for being a Poop in the comments. I’ll try harder. xox
No, not a Poop. Just worn down by too much grief and anxiety, like so many of us.
I think the best Christmas present we can give at the moment is simple kindness, both to ourselves and each other.
For what it is worth, I send you some kindness and perhaps the reassurance that you are far from being alone.
Thank you. Kindness is the best gift and is always appreciated. I wish you and yours a happy holiday season.
Don’t “should” on yourself. It’s been a tough (almost) 2 years. Having a mom with dementia is incredibly emotionally draining, especially around the holidays.
“Should” is one of the most loaded words there is, isn’t it? I try hard to not use it with others but often fail with myself. Thank you for your encouragement. Happy holidays to you and yours.
Sending a hug. I hope you give yourself permission to be where you are. I know I internalize all of these ideas about how I should be, but the people who love me just want me, however I happen to be at the moment. I’m sure your people are the same.
You are right. I have wonderful people. And now I have an extra hug! Thank you. I send one back with best wishes to you for the holidays.
Oh my gosh, years ago my therapist told me another client came in and said she “shoulded all over herself” that day, and your comment made me think of that and smile—not because any of this is funny, but because there is comfort in knowing we are not alone and in extending the loving kindness we sometimes struggle to show ourselves to someone else. Sending all the blog readers who need it a knitterly hug this year.
I like “shoulded all over herself”! Thank you for that. We all do the best we can. That “should” be enough but we sometimes need a reminder. I accept you hug with a smile.
I know your mad skills and the speed at which you knit. Yet, given the fact that today is December 4th, leaving 20 days until Christmas Eve, it would seem a rather large portion of your pile there still appears to be in ball form. A very large portion.
Hey Steph – Interesting read; I have been feeling strange myself. Back during the initial lock-down, I felt that lethargy: I would make lists at night of all the things I would accomplish the next day, then wake up and sit on the couch because….nothing. I had been feeling better since vaccinated, getting out a little but not in crowds, still social distancing etc; and for some reason, I’ve been noticing lately that I am kind of feeling that way again, just blah. While I am still accomplishing some things, I am doing it very slowly, and sometimes I have to really push myself to get going. I don’t know what it is; maybe because we thought it was a one-off, and having to go through it again is overwhelming us? It was supposed to be over by now – I had so much hope when the vaccine came out, but that didn’t last very long with all the arguing. I think I may be feeling this is all just a bit hopeless, just tired of having to live this way? I haven’t read any of the other comments yet, which may be enlightening, but I wanted to get my impressions in first.
I don’t often comment, but I would like to say – it is nice to hear from you, when you can! It helps us all get through knowing that we are not alone, that we are all in fact going through this together. You also have such a great way with words, sometimes expressing things that I can’t quite articulate. Thanks for all you do!
The worst mistake I’ve made over the past several weeks was to make a long list (nothing critical) in the evening, carefully determining that it could all be done in one day, & then writing “Thursday” at the top of the list. The next morning, it looked so overwhelming that I turned away from it completely.
A couple of days later, “Thursday” was obliterated from the list. The paralysis was resolved, & everything on it became quite possible again.
Reminds me: “I’ve compiled an extensive To-Do list for the day. Now I just have to figure out who is going to do all that stuff!!”
What is a twinkle star?
See Dec4 @ 4:29—Genevieve’s got the link!
Feeling very meh over here, too.
You’re helping my mood with that ridiculous yarn pile, though.
My daughter, son in law and grandsons are on Vancouver Island and have been there for 2 years last July. We won’t see them again this year for Christmas because they need to stay put and we don’t want to visit when travel there isn’t recommended. The province does not need more people.
So our gift to each other is a 3rd shot on 21 Dec, a roast for Christmas and a few presents and time with each other…unless someone sets something on fire. My husband is the firechief. I hope to facetime or something with our grandsons Christmas morning, we finally have decent wifi to do that.
We are both healthy and hoping for many more years but nothing is for certain…except yarn..
Make the best of the season Stephanie, that is the best that you can do for your family and yourself.
I have missed you very much.
“Scare myself into feeling festive” lol. I’m so there…I’m sure it helps to see holiday decorations going up. Not many in my neighborhood-it’s-30F weather so if the lights didn’t go up outside before the ground cover color went white….its not happening…and those @#$! squirrels just seem to know where the control light is-is there a ‘nibble here’ sign written in Squirrel?
I’m so glad you have loved ones to knit for and to gather around you.
That pile of holiday knitting looks much smaller than years prior….don’t forget to .factor in the 4 days that everything comes to a standstill just before the holidays …flu. appliance breakdowns, people meltdowns…if you plan for it,, it won’t happen,, right? It would just be rude since Covid is the uninvited guest that keeps trying to barge in, but it seems that’s when it’s friends Chaos and Confusion want to turn it into a frat party.
Here’s hoping your holiday goes exactly as planned and surprises are joyful.
Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. Our tree is up, a few ornaments are on it, and I just am not motivated to finish it. Second year in a row I’ve only put out a little of my Xmas stuff. I think it might be time to downsize my Xmas stuff so we’re not hauling it in & out of storage for no reason. When I’m behind on decorating it throws everything else off schedule, so we’ll have another slacker Xmas. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do better. I know we’ll turn the corner & leave the Covid years behind some day, but I never dreamed it would take so long & I’d handle it so poorly.
Please don’t forget that none of us ever dreamed any of this could happen, so we didn’t have much of a chance to figure out how to “handle it.” Try to be kind to yourself…which includes not using the word “slacker” unless it makes you laugh a little bit. I have to confess that I find that idea pretty funny…yeah, a bunch of slackers around here!
No – not a slacker! How about “minimalist” instead? Heck you’ve got a tree and some ornaments…if they make you feel happy then it’s all good.
Instead of being home bound, I have worked all this time at my grocery store. To combat all the craziness I actually put ALL my Christmas decorations up before Thanksgiving. I felt if I did not do it then it would not get put up at all. As for my knitting, hahaha wishful thinking i would get it all done. Bless you for finding that flicker of hope and lighting up for the rest of us knitters! Hugs to you all from nutty Arizona.
I’ve been working this whole time too and not seeing my people. Last year I didn’t put up my tree and this year I’ve ordered a new one and it hasn’t arrived yet (since early Nov… stupid shipping- stupid COVID). I’m tired and crabby and over all of it but feeling maybe a bit less awful than last year.
As others have said, you are speaking my mind. We have no children nearby (and even my DH’s children are in their 40’s), certainly, then, no grandchildren, either, so Christmas for us has always been rather low-key anyway. But this year is a special kind of low-key; as another commenter said, we both just feel… blah? nothing? empty? And my WIP pile, which I cleared out last year, has crept up again with 7 of them sitting in my knitting basket, taunting me. So what do I do? I cast on for a holiday / Advent shawl KAL, of course. Please, goddesses, clear the way for 2022 to be a damn sight better than 2021!
So glad the blog archive survived!
Like you, Stephanie, I’m striving for some semblance of normality:
My tree is up and decorated with fiber animals— sheep, goats, llamas/alpacas, a camel and something that’s either a musk ox or a yak. There are bells around the bottom as a “cat alarm,” and there are little hats, sweaters, a scarf and mittens — but none of them knitted by me.
Two strands of blue lights gleam from my lake-facing sunroom’s windows.
My stocking is hung from the mantel with care in hopes that, come Christmas, my family will be here. (It’s complicated — can six adults and a teen with jobs, one retiree — me — plus several kids, some belonging to
DD’s fiancé, all get together?
Nobody’s getting anything knitted this year because a shoulder injury made knitting painful (I’m getting better.). The teens and adults are each getting a gift card and an ornament — paw print ornament kits for those who have pets. The under-10s are getting Legos.
No, for most of us here in Blogland, the holidays won’t be “normal” again this year. But we’re still here, and I’m we’ll muddle through, and that’s not nothing!
In NY we are mingling more. Some social gathering going on. This has been a tough year in some ways and not in others. I had to move from my house that I loved to a much smaller apartment. Got divorced. But this holiday feels much happier and more relaxed than last year. My sons and I still have to figure out Christmas, but we’ll get it sorted out. The shopping is finished. Christmas cards are getting started tomorrow. I love driving at night and seeing all the lights. Merry Christmas!
Your pile of knitting seems awfully optimistic — just looking at it exhausts me! You did say that stuff is meant for Christmas 2022, didn’t you?
I recently started painting with watercolours via YouTube tutorials so have enjoyed painting festive Christmas cards. Also, pre-COVID we would attend the farmers’ tractor parade (eastern Durham Region) and last year there wasn’t anything. But last night we enjoyed the farmers’ Christmas self-guided driving tour where they had their tractors all lit up with Christmas lights in front of their houses. I still have baking and some shopping to do but I’ll get it all done – I always do. And what doesn’t get done doesn’t matter.
New Mexico has one of the highest vaccination rates but also one of the highest infection rates, so in my family we’ve more or less given up; it appears that we’re going to be living with the virus for the foreseeable future. We’ve done everything they told us to do, we’re all vaccinated (or at least if anyone isn’t they’re not telling) and we’re wearing masks inside stores, not that it seems to be doing much good but we’re one of the few states where it’s still required. It was great to see everyone at Thanksgiving and as far as I know, no one got Covid. I’m looking forward to Christmas. At 68 years old and with multiple health problems, I’m not willing to spend any more time away from family and friends; if the virus gets me, so be it! I think that, as you said, everyone needs to decide for themselves how much risk they’re willing to run.
Sending you lots of good wishes, Victoria! Hoping you and yours have a lovely Christmas.
My pre-lit tree is otherwise naked. And I’ve decided that’s okay. Here’s to being kind to ourselves and others this season.
Here’s to all the kindness we can muster.
I celebrate Winter Solstice but that’s close enough for the government 😀 I’m not sure if I’m doing any better a job of celebrating this year or not, but I did manage to actually buy gifts for extended family (mailed them all out today) this year when last year I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I have a Yule candle I burn in the evenings while I knit to try and stave off the dark. Only a couple weeks left until it stops getting darker, at least.
It’s no wonder we’re all tired, after how long we’ve all been living at this level of…so many things. Fear, worry, diligence, sometimes despair.
Our Christmas will be better this year than last, when we had no one in our house except the three of us who live here, and two zoom sessions with our families. This year we are hosting dinner with (hopefully) our parents attending, which will feel like a wonderfully full house after the last almost two years! We put the tree and all the decorations up today, and even though I’m not 100% in the holiday spirit yet, I am enjoying the twinkle lights.
A yummy bundle of woolly loveliness there!
Thank you for eloquently expressing how so many of us feel.
I have a “pile” of Christmas knitting, too, except half of it is in boxes somewhere between yarn shops and my mailbox and no where near my needles, yet.
Love the twinkle stars. I have become obsessed with Rosemary (Romi) Hill’s Cup of Light which is a knitted square, soaked in glue and molded, then filled with lights. I have all these little knitted squares and am awaiting my light strings and glue that are also in boxes under the control of the delivery services.
I have found a good knit in the evening followed by a small hot toddy, heavy on the honey, light on the spiced rum, is improving my midwinter’s naps and my outlook on the holidays.
Knit on!!
I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I’m also feeling that same sense of “what’s the point?!” this year. I think it’s super frustrating that we did everything we were supposed to last year to be safe with the expectation that this year would be better. And yet we’re not in a better place at all this year, in large part because there’s a certain segment of the population that seems to be unconcerned with the welfare of anyone but themselves. We’re continuing to do what we should to be safe (getting vaccinated, wearing masks, staying away from crowds) and hoping that something gets through to these people. I’m glad that you are still celebrating, even if you don’t feel like going all-out as usual. And as long as you’re still knitting, we know that you’re okay!
It’s a glum Christmas season here. My holidays are usually spent with extended family. They think nothing of coming to holiday celebrations sick: “it’s only a little cold.” Their “little cold” has for years and years turned into my “solidly sick, feverish, coughing turning into bronchitis” lurgy that lasts for a full month of misery. This year, I just can’t. I have an elderly relative visiting for January. I cannot be sick. They cannot be trusted not to make me sick. So. My spouse will be traveling to family, and I will be staying home. It just… sucks.
I am so sorry. I would give you a hug if I could!
Thank you! I’ve been compiling a long list of movies and tv shows to stream, so being alone doesn’t suck quite so hard. And there’s always knitting!
What would we do without knitting to get us through?! <3
Love your hopeful yarn pile. I’m starting to wonder if the holidays will ever be the same.
I wasn’t going to knit anything this year for the same reason I wasn’t going to reply to your query, I’m cranky. I haven’t seen a family member in person in over two years, and at this point, well…. Let’s leave it at “I’m really cranky” because it only gets darker from there.
Anyway, i wasn’t going to knit anything this year, except one pair of socks for my sister in Must Stash’s, “The Doctor”, because she is such a fan and let’s face it, that’s very clever…
And then… the new pattern by Churchmouse Yarns dropped and I bought a kit of the Rowan Felted Tweed to make the Heather colorway on sale (not because of the resemblance, go check it out, it’s LOVELY!). And SUDDENLY I am making hats for everyone!
I did a colorwork workshop a few years back and even though the instruction was great at the time 😉 I didn’t feel like my skills upped their game in that department until now. Everything my teacher said came back to me out of the depths of my subconscious and I did the best colorwork of my life! So thank you, Teacher, your knowledge and wisdom do not go unappreciated.
Together apart has been vicious. I’m glad you’re continuing to find joy where you can.
PS- I bought THE. BEST ornament. It is a felt figurine of Prince! I tried to post a picture because I knew it would raise a smile, but I can’t post pictures. Anyway, thought you should know that somewhere, there is a Christmas tree with Prince (in his purple jacket, complete with his hand on the fret of the guitar and his black high heeled boots!) adorning the top of someone’s tree, surrounded by lights. Tucked up near the tippy-top, where he belongs!
Could you give us the name of the Churchmouse hat pattern? Thanks
Oh yes!! It’s called “Colorway cap” (creative, I know), but it’s really (really) well written, and I think I have finally mastered which color to hold in which hand, as a result!
It uses Rowan Felted Tweed and even gives some recommendations for how to deviate from their colorways and stash-dive effectively!
No it’s not!! It’s called Colorwork Cap (I even checked the name before I posted it, but since I have the memory of a goldfish… there you have it the wrong name!). To make up for myself, here’s the link:
https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/colorwork-cap
So sorry
Yeah, I think we all hoped that by this time we would be feeling like we could gather and celebrate in person but fourth wave and omicron seem to have put the kibosh on that! We haven’t put up a Christmas tree in years so I’m not missing that. And I did haul out the wreath that I decorated last year and hung it on our gate. I’ve got plans for knitted small toys for the great nephews and nieces but haven’t started those yet. I still have 20 days right? Anyway, I wish all the blog folks, especially Stephanie, a joyous, safe holiday season. Take in some virtual concerts (Tom Jackson is doing some Huron Carols to raise funds for food banks so you can enjoy some seasonal music and do good at the same time), drink something special, have some wonderful food and feel grateful that we have what we have.
Right there with you.
I mean, the tree’s up because there are children in this house and baking is ongoing for the same reason.
But it all feels kind of hollow. Going through the motions.
Knitting isn’t working, either. Last time I tried a hat and it somehow went wrong. Hats are not meant to go wrong!!
So I’m using up sock yarn in a scrappy blanket (crocheted, because knitting isn’t working) and trying to figure out how to get through the next few months.
I think it’s ok to not be doing it all this year. I think if we’re doing anything at all (like, remembering to eat and shower!) then it’s ok.
Thank you Stephanie for posting even though it’s a challenge at this time. For some reason this year feels more “down” than last year. Last year I thought this Covid Crap would be all figured out but now it has dragged on and the uncertainty has grown. And for some of us, this evil bug has killed friends and/or family or made them very ill. Fear sneaks in and robs the soul of joy. I’m gonna try faking it – can’t hurt. Happy knitting!
I have been feeling this for a couple of years. Parents pass away, nieces and nephews grow up and have their own lives, brothers and sister-in-law are far away whether it be distance physically or emotionally. It is what it is. This is life in realtime. There were days when we had really huge xmas trees, fun family outings, and yelling across the table. Now it is quiet xmas/holiday. People are not able to meetup much less celebrate the end of the current year. There are no more answers as to when this will end. Not everyone can or should wear a mask, not everyone should get the vaccine. Some will get this virus and die, some will get the virus and live, some will get the shot and still get sick. It has been this way for a long time. No one has the answers anymore. You are going to have to make decisions based on your experiences. We are all just holding on to whatever we can. Give yourself a break, be kind , wonderful, and hopeful.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one struggling!! Well no, since that makes me sound horrid. I’m eased to not feel so alone in it? Last year I went a little covid-xmas-crazy and made giant, lit, Xmas balls to hang in our trees and it tickled me so much that I made more this year and they’ve been up since before US Thanksgiving. I love them and they make me smile every day I come home from work in the !$&%ing dark because northernwinteryay. Pre-covid I was a firm “no decorations before Dec 1” person. That person is gone and I don’t regret it one bit. This year the inside decorations are… well. The knitted-ball-advent-tree-on-the-wall is started. This spring, though, we adopted 3 kittens and a cat. *sigh* It sounded (almost) fine at the time, and we love them to bits, but the kittens are teenagers now and OH! the trouble they are capable of! We’ve decided to risk putting up the tree the weekend before Xmas and watch them like hawks, but the rest of the house decor is likely going to remain boxed this year and frankly I’m maybe just not feeling it this year? I’m burnt out on bad news and it drains my bucket more than it used to. I’m tired and in need of a cookie. Maybe a netflix Christmas movie, too. (Sorry, that turned out longer than expected!)
That reminds me, when a friend of mine had teenaged cats at Xmas years ago she decorated her tree entirely with potholders! So that when they repeatedly pulled the whole shebang over nothing got broken…We all loaned her some, it actually looked quite festive.
And yes, holiday celebrations are definitely more anxiety producing than in the before times. I try to just muddle on.
Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious!!! What a visual…
Oh, Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing this. As I “fake it until I make it” there is a part of my heart that feels a bit lost this Christmas. The tree is up, but I may have only lights this year. I knit on and that has been my comfort. You are an inspiration. I am so grateful for this fiber community, near and far. Be well!
It is another off year, that’s for sure. Our family is small anyway, so it’s pretty easy to “risk it”. Both my husband and I are scheduled for Covid boosters. Our county is back to a state of emergency, so, while not mandated, it is highly suggested that you wear masks while indoors.
As far as fun stuff for Christmas, our daughter continues to be a very busy lady, so we catch whatever together time we can get. The rest of the family is a 12-hour drive away, so I’m thinking that rather than a phone call, maybe a quick zoom would be a good thing.
I just read this and I think we all would feel a bit better for reading it… but first I want to say I have felt so tired this year, that everything is an effort. This article made me feel better, and I hope it will make you feel a bit better too. And one more thing… January and February are the dreariest months of the year, for me, if no one else, please keep your Christmas lights on even if you take everything in side down. It would make Jan and Feb so much nicer… till at least Valentines Day would be fun. Thanks and hugs to all who need one. MaineSqueeze
These Are Difficult Days. Keep Going. You’re Doing Great.
JULY 10, 2020 / JOHN PAVLOVITZ
Hey. I don’t know whether anyone’s told you lately or not, but you’re doing a great job.
Really. You probably don’t feel that way, but under the conditions that’s understandable. You’ve been busy. You’ve had your hands full.
Friend, take a second and think about what you’ve been through in the short span of a little over a year:
You’ve dealt with an unprecedented health crisis that has paralyzed the planet.
With almost no warning, you had to alter the way you do just about everything.
You’ve lost a good deal of income. You’ve had to learn how to fix the dishwasher
You may have even lost your job. You’ve had to become a home school teacher. You’ve had to learn to cut your own hair. You’ve had to become a primary caregiver.
You’ve had to become your own marriage counselor. You’ve lost the ability to travel..
You’ve had to search the dark web for TP and then ration it like it was spun gold.
You’ve had to digest a relentless, ever-shifting barrage of news stories and expert recommendations and changing timelines and behavior restrictions.
You’ve had to experience birthdays and graduations and milestone moments you’d have never missed, through a jittery Zoom connection or a scratched phone screen.
You’ve had to grieve people you love dearly,
from a distance and alone in a private funeral at your kitchen table.
You’ve been terribly lonely or you haven’t had a moment alone.
You’ve had to try and help your kids understand why they can’t go play with their friends, knowing it will still feel like a punishment to them.
You’ve sat with your sobbing teenager as the 1st breakup came at the absolute worst time.
You’ve had your faith shaken to its bedrock or may have lost your religion altogether.
You’ve watched your mental health deteriorate,
as reality has become the nightmare you always imagined it was.
You’ve seen the death toll rise well beyond the worst of your fears when all this began.
You witnessed the absolute worst of humanity: hoarding pasta, berating grocery store clerks, protesting with weapons at capitol buildings, burning masks,
calling 911 on people for simply existing.
You’ve watched more than one black man be murdered in the street.
You learned the levels of racism afflicting your family and your friendships and our leadership.
You’ve been reminded how fractured this nation is.
You’ve had to do all of it without a single hug.
The level of difficulty of your current life is a few steps above Batman.
So yeah, you’ve gained a few pounds or you’ve slacked on the meal planning, or you’ve let some stuff slide around the house, or you’ve ignored the shrubs, or you’ve missed sending that birthday card, or you’ve binge watched a few dozen shows, or you’ve served cereal for dinner and called it “Breakfast Night”—give yourself a damn break.
No, you’re not equipped for this and yes, you’re overmatched and overwhelmed—because this is a special kind of creative and historic hell that no one could have prepared for and no one is thriving through. No one.
Everyone you live with or love or see from a distance or marvel at on social media, is pressed so far past their limits that they are often near tears. Everyone is so beaten down by all the unknowns, that their minds are exhausted from a million swirling contingencies and scenarios and possibilities. Everyone is working with Plan B (or Plan Q) at this point, and we’re all feeling like we’re floundering and failing.
It is enough right now to survive and to accept that as a victory.
You’re here and you’re somehow making the unworkable work: with the sub-par dinners and the less-than-stellar haircut and the occasional tantrums from your child or your lover or yourself.
You’re MacGyver—ing a makeshift life from the odd assortment of stuff that you can cobble together around you, and honestly it’s a thing of beauty to behold.
So have a good cry or a piece of cake, go scream into your pillow or run around the block, toss up a prayer or drop an f-bomb—and then take a look around and survey your handiwork: the stuff you’ve made or the things you’ve fixed or the people you’ve cared for or the work you’ve done, and appreciate the duress under which you’ve managed it all.
One day you’re going to look back on these days and realize you weren’t a failure or a fraud or a lousy parent or a crappy partner, You’re going to see that you were a frickin’ superhero doing world-saving work in Kryptonite circumstances that should have leveled you but didn’t.
You’re going to see that it was your finest hour.
And because you likely can’t see that right now, I wanted you to know that I see it in you.
So, yeah you’ve got a lot on your plate, but you’re making it work.
Life is not what you planned but it’s yours.
Keep going. You’re doing great.
This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this. I had a good cathartic cry.
This is great. Thanks for sharing.
I am reassured that I am not the only person in the world with some holiday ambivalence this year. Last year’s Christmas was pretty stinky, but I gave myself the task of trying to find the holiday spirit for this year’s.
The strange thing is that it isn’t really working. This year I retired at the end of October, so now I’m navigating the world of retirement and thought that would make the holiday planning (and doing) easier. Nope, now that I have all the time to get things done, motivation is just not there.
It’ll kick in shortly, I know, so I’m pulling out the ornaments and cookie recipes and plotting out the family cookie boxes for my husband’s siblings. We’ll likely not have a big family get-together this year, so I’ll keep things simple but cheery here at home.
And, as a plus this year, I actually do have time to send out holiday cards to family and friends…so maybe retirement isn’t that tough to deal with after all!
I cherish the Christmas tradition of watching the Harlot knit ALL THE THINGS.
I am a mental health professional (Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner ) and for the most part my patients feel like most of you feel…every year. Christmas is a time that is special but also one that is freighted with memories. We remember the “olden days, happy golden days of yore” and are inevitably saddened because Christmas these days does not measure up. I would urge you all to consider at least some of the following.
First, memory itself is a funny thing. What one person may remember can be entirely different than what someone else might. We also tend to filter out the bad stuff. That Christmas that the whole family gathered together and drank eggnog and sang carols was also the one where Uncle Harold had entirely too much eggnog, threw up and passed out.
Second, Christmas is exactly the same number of hours as any other day. It should not have to carry the load for every other day of the year. There are, I hope and expect, a lot of really great days in store for us in 2022, many of them I suspect even better than the best Christmas. I would hazard a guess that on Christmas 2020 Stephanie probably could not have guessed that the wonderful, golden days at the lake with her family were ahead of her.
Last, I learned a valuable lesson the year my mother died just prior to Thanksgiving. We had considered just cancelling it but didn’t. I decided to take the day just the way it was delivered to me, without preconceptions or expectations. We had a nice dinner and then sat by the fire, read and talked. It was a very different day but no less special than any other Thanksgiving.
I hope you all enjoy the holiday season and find happiness , peace and good health in the coming year.
Thank you for this – there’s so much wisdom in it.
Thank you, what a lovely and clear explanation. I’m so sorry about your mom.
This will be the first Christmas we’re not traveling across the country to visit my husband’s family in years. Last year we rented a van and drove 2500 miles. Im looking forward to being here with my husband and our puppy and hopefully a few friends. I’m really looking forward to making some ice lanterns for Winter solstice (thanks Steph, for teaching us about those!) and joining my local yarn shop for a socially distanced solstice sunrise gathering.
Last year my daughter flew over 10,000 miles from NYC via Japan then quarantined 2 weeks in a Sydney hotel to surprise me at Christmas. We enjoyed a wonderful time together despite all the restrictions. This year it will be back to Skyping again. Previous generations were obliged to “grin and bear” the separations, so I’m grateful we have the technology that allows us this form of contact. Keep safe and smiling. Love & blessings to you & yours.
Currently facing major surgery, may even have cancer. Whee. Yeah, I’m not making any plans until I know when surgery is happening exactly. Gifts were bought last month or earlier. I’m normally a Bah Humbug in attitude, and this is Not Helping.
But if anything, I’ve spoken with more family the past two weeks than I have the last two years. They are all concerned and sharing the love. And friends are definitely reaching out as much as they can, which is lovely. I’m probably going to end up with more visitors than I should have in a pandemic.
Hoping for the very best for you. I hope you have a speedy return to health.
We’re able to gather here (mostly because our Governor is an idiot and the teeming masses are just too self-centric) but the numbers are on the rise again. Our Grandbabies are too young for a vaccine, so we continue to limit contact with other humans outside our family bubble as well as mask up and distance ourselves in public.
I’m feeling hopeful this season, and am happy to be fed and clothed – with a very comfortable roof over my head. I also have a pile of knitting to tackle and wish I could just sit and knit all day long; however, I have a paying job that demands my time. Thank heavens for Zoom and Skype meetings…I can work AND knit at the same time! Multitasking at its finest!
I read through the comments hoping to find the suggestions Stephanie was asking (hoping?) for…only to find that The Blog feels the same way we all seem to feel. This Christmas is, in some ways, harder than last Christmas when we were all hoping that it would just be one covid Christmas and that 2021 would be better than 2020. Nope. Covid is still here, and at least we are still here, too.
One of my sisters and her husband stubbornly refuse to be vaccinated, and I do not want to gather indoors with unvaccinated folks, so Christmas will be like Thanksgiving this year (as last year, before vaccinations) — quiet and pretty solitary. It’s OK. I’m not a child.
But, speaking of children, someone like Elliot brings such a spark of joy at Christmastime, so, Steph, hang onto that spark of joy and ride it for all it’s worth.
Wow—I had no idea that This was so widespread! And here I thought December had sneaked up on me because the snow and cold were so abnormally late in coming this year!!! Huh…well, ok then! Whatever we do/get done is what Christmas IS this year, I guess!
Carry on, Faithful Knitters, and as has already been said, treat yourselves kindly, and with gentleness…
Hooray for coming back to the blog (and that it’s still here to come back to)! My husband says all the newness is giving you something to write about (“content”, he called it).
I’m also feeling weird about Christmas this year. I’ve started the cards, I’m singing in a holiday chorus (we’ve taken allll the precautions we can think of), and one tree is up – yet, I don’t feel much like putting up the second tree or baking cookies or…. I think your twinkle light stars are a great idea. Perhaps I should also make some of those and see if that helps. 🙂
How can I tell you this without crying?
Every post, both happy and otherwise has brought tears to my eyes since this whole Pandemic kicked off. And not just posts, but the comments, too. I’ve felt the need to wrap The Blog around me like a security blanket.
I am the #1 Grinch when it comes to Christmas, but I’m having trouble mustering that up.
If you need me, I’ll be working out a bad case of Second Sock-itis in a corner, cheering on December 26, 2021.
Yes– it’s so good to realize we are not alone. I’m in my late 40s with a neurodivergent often challenging 7 year old, a husband who is awaiting tests to find out if he just has Crohn’s disease or has cancer, and a sister with mental health issues living with us. My work is on hold right now, not through my choice, and I miss both the money and the ability to actually DO something meaningful. And many of my family and those I thought were my friends don’t take the pandemic seriously enough to keep my high risk family members safe, so I’m avoiding my prior support system… Typing all this out feels overwhelming, but
fortunately my husband doesn’t have any energy so he’ll go to bed early and I can have a little cry once he’s asleep. Anyway, all that to say– you may be isolating, but you are not alone.
I just read your latest post and came back to reread this post ~ and you have made grand progress! I was feeling the same way about getting in the holiday spirit but figured it would kick in at some point. We had a safe small family gathering at Thanksgiving, which was absolutely the best after such a long time, so I was mostly looking forward to that for Christmas. Then today my one year old grandson tested positive from an outbreak at his daycare, and his mom and me tested positive too. We have done everything right for almost 2 years. Sigh. We all feel fine so far. All I want for Christmas is healthy kids and grandkids. I have said little of this to anyone outside family but feel like you will understand. I look forward to following your knitting progress;)
Wish I could find some holiday spirit, but it must be under the pile of dirty laundry. I’ve been busy knitting gnomes, and now have only one more to do! Here We Gnome Again is slow going–no, I’m not a new knitter, but an arthritic one–so the second one of that pattern is last. I also made three Gnome Pun Intended gnomes. They are cute, if I do write so myself.
I don’t feel like I’m having a hard time, so much as that I’m in some kind of suspended animation. I’m recovering from orthoipedic surgery so I feel well and at some not-too-distant future date I’ll feel great, better than before; but I’m not there yet. My 20 year old is struggling harder than ever with anxiety and depression and I’m 400 miles away so I have to rely a lot on their spouse to help them out, and I don’t know exactly what else they’ll need from me. Our country is in a depressing state of willful terminal stupidity. So, not feeling the holiday so much and not sending cards this year.
I agree with you. My son (in WA and I am in RI) just went thru a divorce and since that announcement I haven’t visited. I was to visit the first day they went to court, so I canceled that trip in 2019 and then Covid stopped travel.
I have underlying conditions so I have holed up in the condo.
I agree with your comment “Our country is in a depressing state of willful terminal stupidity” wholeheartedly
I am trying to be part of the “great resignation”, but the company doesn’t want to let me out quite yet so I continue with 1 week a month from home.
Congrats for managing your new software. It seems like we’re frequently having to update our skills.
Thanks for tapping ‘publish’ and, once again, helping so many people feel they are not alone or crazy for how they’re responding to everything.
Something that has helped me:
A therapist told me to made ‘to do’ lists, as I’d feel good about crossing items off, but all I could see were the items I didn’t get to. So instead, I made a ‘done’ list at the end of the day. It started with “I am alive” and went on to “I have a roof over my head, my utilities are on, my car runs.” By the time I got to “I got to work on time, I got my dishes done,” I had many items on my list. It helped me notice just how much I accomplished each day, and improved my attitude about my life. I don’t do it daily any more, but about once a week or so, I list out my successes. I hope this helps a little.
May we all have a successful holiday season in whatever form it takes.
Hang in, My Sweet and know that you are loved!! We’re all in this together!
Understand where you are coming from for sure. I am based in Scotland, but I am a proud Canadian lass originally. I had hoped to comed to Canada for the season to visit family, but it’s all in up in the air (no pun intended) due to a Covid diagnoses. I can’t tell you how disheartening it is to have kept yourself safe for over 18 months only to get it now. We are definitely all in it together and we will all get through as long as we think of each other and take care of each other.
My Christmas spirit was found out of a moment of sheer panic. Over our Thanksgiving Day weekend, our local paper had an article about a program that the USPS has done for years that I had never heard about called Operation Santa. Long story short, kids write letters to “Santa” that are then put out for adoption. You buy the gifts, wrap them and box them, take them to the USPS with your QC code and whoosh – off it goes to a kid/family in need.
The letters began to be posted for adoption on 11/29 and they were going lightning fast – before I could even figure out what the F$%^K the kid was asking for and if it was even available, the letter would get adopted out from underneath me. I missed out on all the letters from 11/29 so the next evening after work I was a little more prepared as I waited for 8pm to strike when the new letters would be posted. I still don’t know whether it was my internet that was wonky or the USPS website was overloaded (or both), but 3 times in a row I tried to adopt a letter, hit “confirm”, waited an interminably long time while it told me to “not refresh” only to get an error message back. When I hit confirm again, the letter had been adopted.
Well it turns out that the error message were, in fact, in error because suddenly I realized when my email on my phone started blowing up that I had adopted all three of my letters. And my letters were families, so I adopted EIGHT children. About had a heart attack. But now 2 of my friends have joined ranks with me and together we will be wrapping the gifts that literally are covering my dining room table and shipping them off tomorrow. Did it cost me more than I expected it to?? Yep.
But it sure feels good, too.
If anyone reads all the way to the bottom of this and wants to watch something heartwarming, there is a documentary film made about this program that is available on multiple platforms. Worth a watch even if you are out of the country.
https://www.dearsanta.movie/watch-at-home/
My second year for ‘adopting” someone for Christmas. Loved shopping for this dear girl, added a handmade hat for the coat, of course. Will keep up this tradition, for sure.
I am feeling the same way. Last year embraced the situation to stay home, make knitted goods, cookies, food and dropped it off or sent off the packages in time for the holidays. This year, knitting is slow, hesitant and when I think about everything I also feel it is exhausting. I am doing the best I can.
To make Christmas more Christmasy (because it doesn’t feel like that yet), we are staying in a lovely cabin at a favorite beach in Washington state, Iron Crest Resort in Moclips. Getting away nearby with family should do the trick!
Plus knitting like a fiend to get gifts ready…
We did this for Thanksgiving, it was absolutely the best thing we could have done. Enjoy!
I didn’t realize the blog was back, what a lovely surprise! I have been struggling, not into decorating. But finally said, “ this is getting done today.” And yesterday I came home and a very wonderful fellow had decorated the tree!!! He never does this. But he had seen me dragging and pitched in. Whew, what a relief. I just have 5 knitting projects to go and know I can make it. 3 are hats, one beaded bag, and a bracelet for a dear granddaughter who has finally admitted she gets too hot in wool. Easy peasy.
So glad you are back. ❤️
The tree is up and decorated. Some Christmas treasures are strewn about, and my shopping is done (mind you, I don’t have a lot of people to buy for). But I’m not really feeling it, I have to say. I’ll just wing it, for now, and be thankful that Max the dog won’t care if his handknit sweater is done by the 25th.
Thank you for stating how I feel. Last Christmas, my husband and I isolated at our beach house for Christmas and I finally got to decorate a beach themed Christmas tree. Being there felt warm and safe, even if we couldn’t see the children and grandchildren and continue all the traditions.
This year, I am struggling. My husband died suddenly at the beach house in April. I’ve put out some decorations, but don’t have the energy to find all the ornaments and put up a tree. I think I put out some decorations so that the family will stop with the well meaning offers to help with a tree. The old traditions with the grandchildren are back, as everyone in the family is vaccinated and all the adults have had boosters, and we’ve had fun. I’ve been madly knitting, crocheting and sewing and the last gift, a quilted jacket, will be finished tomorrow. But it just feels a little off and the prospect of another winter, mostly isolated at home and this year without my husband, is not something I am looking forward to. I will go to the beach after Christmas and try to recreate that warm and safe feeling.
Here in Quebec, I was ok with the idea of no festivities for Christmas and staying cozy with my daughter until… a friend came less than 15 minutes to deliver yarn and learn 4 days later she has covid. That drove me crazy… Do we have it too? It seems like we don’t (she came 5 days ago and the rapid test is negative, no symptoms) but that made me realize that as long as we are healthy, we can be fully grateful for everything we have! <3
I promised myself I would not knit gifts this year to alleviate the annual deadline stress. I was going to prepare for a holiday with my sister and her boyfriend, my son and his partner, my daughter and her fiancé, and my grandchildren. It was going to be a house filled with excitement and joy for three days! Then reports started coming in about the tragic, rapid climb of omicron variant in NY Capital district where I live and how the hospitals are full again. Sadly, I admitted that we needed to keep our distance and cancelled the gathering and no sooner than the next day, my daughter called to say she had COVID. She has been vaccinated and boosted so she had a somewhat mild case but her Christmas was even sadder than mine, having to isolate from her children and fiancé in her own home. We tried to Zoom but kept it to a minimum. I count my blessings that I didn’t expose everyone unknowingly and look to a future where we can get together again.