The Inbetween

I was reflecting this morning on the way things used to be, which I know isn’t a very helpful point of view for either the midst of a pandemic or the weird week between Christmas and New Years when nobody really knows what’s going on or what day it is anyway. It used to be that our family celebrated most of the 12 days of Christmas, and round about now I’d be organizing myself for my mum’s big party at her place, looking forward to seeing Tupp and Susan, and embracing how I’d come up with my share of appetizers for 50.

Needless to say the minute those thoughts entered my mind I shut that (*&^ down. Now is not the time – almost two years into a pandemic that’s breaking a lot of hearts at present – to get anything remotely resembling wistful. This is a time when you look straight ahead my poppets, so the minute that I felt my spirits start to fall into what my dear friend Judith would call “a decline” I drank a big glass of water, changed into my running stuff and headed out for a cold, fierce run. Two things about this, first – to the knitter who recognized me on the street as I was hitting the 3.5km mark – I apologize for not being far more personable and for not telling you that your festive red, white and green scarf was very pretty. It was- and I thought that and several nice things in the moment, but in my defence I was barely clinging to life and oxygen, so know that whatever it was that I gasped at you was a poor outward reflection of my inward feelings, but there is really only so much that a knitter in her 50’s is capable of saying at that point. Second – “Come and get your love” may be one of the greatest running tracks ever.

We are out the other side of Christmas here – our current version being only one day, and it was very nice. I am not going to even go to the place where I say that it was “nice for a pandemic version” or “nice considering what the restrictions and risks will allow” nor will I tell you that we just about set fire to brunch because the right people weren’t here to do the right jobs, and that there are few pictures because the rhythm of the thing was all funny. At this point, please take it as read that we desperately miss the folks we can’t see right now, and that all our versions of things this year were scaled down, but we’ve decided to focus on what we’ve got, rather than what we don’t, because most of us don’t run, or at least not enough to deal with those feelings.

Instead we found a lot of happiness in the things we were able to do- a teeny tiny version of our gingerbread party, just enough to make memories for Elliot,

Tree trimming at Auntie Banda’s house after she joined our bubble,

A lovely quiet Christmas Eve.

We moved our traditional Christmas brunch outside so we could welcome Ken (we have a patio heater we bought to make this a little more realistic and we’d like to thank the Toronto weather for being mild) and knitted twinkly stars made it cheerful,

Elliot was everything else we needed to be happy (every time he opened a gift, big or small, he said “I’ve been wanting this for YEARS!”) and our Christmas dinner was sweet and small and we all fit around the table this year, and we pulled our crackers and wore our paper crowns which was really rather thrilling for Elliot, since he has been trying to have the Christmas crackers on every table we set for a month.

I took a particular pleasure this year in presents mailed far and near – especially all the Starry Lights (rav link) – just about everyone that got one sent me a picture of where they’d placed it, and I loved that. (It is worth noting here that I knit nine. NINE of them, and I am not sure I am done. Say what you want about me, but I really know how to get on an obsession.)

Sea Ink (rav link) was finished in time to be mailed north – it was a glorious knit. I used Eco+ in black (never again, lace in black, never again) and the finished project is HUGE and fantastic and I have no doubt that when the box was opened, and the thing wound round the recipient, that it worked just the way knitted things are meant to.

Like mailed love. Hang in there petals – love the ones you’re with.

59 thoughts on “The Inbetween

  1. Just wanted to drop in and tell you happy holidays, and that I have been missing your posts. They always (well almost) make me smile and I like being linked up with you and “the blog.”
    Hope your 2022 (well all of our New Years) are an improvement on the last couple and that we all stay safe and healthy. Your small, intimate Christmas looks and sounds like it was lovely, and that you all enjoyed yourselves. Cheers to 2022!

  2. Such great photos – looks like an excellent celebration!
    Keep well and best wishes for 2022!
    I know we won’t run out of yarn.

  3. Oh, and love the shawl. I have in my stash some yarn that will knit up into one of those just beautifully! Now in my faves on Rav

  4. well said as always.
    Lots of changes here too…just trying,like you,to find the joy whenever, wherever

    Prayers for a healthier New Year all around the world!!!!

  5. I’m trying my best not to fall into the knitted stars rabbit hole, but there’s only so much I can be responsible for.

    A Better New Year to one and all.

  6. Steph, glad you got through Christmas without burning the house down! Yes, this is a strange time; yes, you didn’t have as many people over as you may have wanted; yes, you took what was available and made new memories. I’m happy “Auntie Banda” was able to join your bubble — and wrangle Elliot for a while. Your outdoor party was a good idea, especially as the weather kept it from turning into a snowball fight. Finally, Sea Ink looks great but, as the late Sean Connery learned the hard way, “Never Say Never Again”.

  7. Good to “hear” from you again. Let’s hope 2022 is a better year for all of us. Yes, the past couple of years have been . . . um . . . difficult, but your thoughts about looking forward instead of backward make a lot of sense. As a dear friend of mine keeps saying, “Let the past BE the past.”

  8. As the neighbour who had the audacity to interrupt your run, and who immediately regretted committing the faux pas, I appreciate your comment on the scarf. I’m a challenged knitter who only knits in straight lines and knows her stitches are uneven, her rows mostly wonky, and never deigns to offer her work as gifts. I would probably have left you in peace if I had remembered that I was wearing such a scarf and you were, well…you! (I recognized you by your distinctive glasses.) As I continued onward, I fervently hoped I hadn’t ruined your pace…or your peace. I’m glad the scarf appears festive and will wear it with more pride now that it has the Yarn Harlot stamp of approval. Happy running!

    • You are a knitter, period. Every single one of us started knitting in straight lines with uneven stitches. Some have progressed to become the Yarn Harlot. Some have kept knitting straight lines with uneven stitches. Both are great, as is everything in between. We are all together in this world of fiber and sticks.
      And what a thrill that a world renowned knitting instructor liked your scarf!

    • We all began somewhere and very few of us get to Stephanie’s level, but as long as knitting brings us happiness, that’s enough. At this point, my hands feel lost without it….like everyone else, I’ve struggled through the past 2 years, but my knitting has kept me together. Thank God for knitting and knitters

  9. Thankful you and most of yours were able to gather. You’re making memories for the littles and every year will be different for many reasons-the heartbreaking and the joyous.
    The mild winter has been glorious except for the 10 days of 2 foot of snow and power outages for some…at least it’s not -25°F…that’s coming our way in a few days.
    Brunch looks beautiful.
    Good for you for running-I’m in the barely clinging to life and oxygen style of runner…seriously, people would stop their car and ask me if I was OK. I had a policeman walk up to me while I was running-explains a lot-and said all the cars stopping was creating a traffic problem. He encouraged me to take up swimming. Lol.

  10. Thank you for this – the thoughts, the photos, your point of view. It really makes getting through the dark a little easier, knowing that others are there, shining their lights. Hugs

  11. You write so well. I had all of your books, but had to get rid of them when I moved, but I am going to buy them all again!
    Thank you for being there for all of us.
    Happy New Year!

  12. Elliot just totally steals the show. He is so adorable! This whole post is just such a gift to all of us, stretching the world a little more open to let the love in and I don’t know about anybody else but man did I need that.

    And I am so going to knit one of those stars. That is so happy-making. Thank you for the heads-up about them!

  13. One thing I’ve found that makes it a little easier to knit lace in dark yarn (besides a bright, over the shoulder light) is putting a white paper in my lap while I’m knitting. The contrast of the the dark yarn against the white background helps me see the pattern in the stitches.

  14. Black in the dark times – what were you thinking? No wait, I know what you were thinking. This time will be different to all those other times where I couldn’t see a split/dropped stitch at night. This time will be fine.

    I’d like to bring my plain black socks as evidence, at least I had the sense to decline a request for plain black mittens.

  15. Black Lace…the gift that truly says love…like black socks . Seriously one of my favorite things to knit is black lace, but only on the brightest Summer days, never winter! . Thank you for the photo inspiration. My Starry Light is soon to be attempted…I can’t think of a more perfect Winter project.

  16. Hooray for another post. On a personal note, I hope you have availed yourself of counseling — you’ve had a lot of loss over the past few years, and professional help can be, well, helpful.

    • Agreed. and then some. I think I could have struggled through without grief councelling, but mercy, why would you if you didn’t have to.

  17. I suspect we’ve all gotten to a place at some point in this holiday season when we’ve moved beyond sad to just plain mad that we are still not able to have “normal” celebrations, but I love that you have made the best of the way things are, especially for your grandson. I imagine he will remember these strange times as being extra special because he’s gotten so much attention and love — and if that’s not a bright spot, I don’t know what is.

  18. I just want to add my love and admiration for you and every one of us who are pulling up our bootstraps when we can and getting on with things. I got sick on 12/20 and stayed sick through and past Christmas (I’m now at 3 negative Covid tests and one pending) but I baked and decorated a little and watched the grands open gifts from the far sofa in my mask on the day.
    Needs must. And I love that some cardiomyopathy of an event is worth having because it Makes a memory for Eliot- that’s so true!

  19. Cardiomyopathy?!? That was supposed to read version!

    Ps the doctor said it was a virus morphed into a sinus infection and gave me drugs and I am finally reaching toward human again. I might even vacuum today…

  20. Thank you so much for the post and pictures! Don’t laugh but your post goes a long way to add to my feelings of normalcy this time of year. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been enjoying your blog since the early years and your posts this time of year have always been my favorites.
    I find myself seriously missing my family. I have been trying to be patient and as kind as I can be, but I seriously needed a boost. Your post did that. Thanks for sharing! I hope you and yours have a Happy and Healthy New Year filled with love and family!

  21. We went into Christmas this year during an incomplete reno, without an oven, and without a tree (that last one was the hardest to reconcile: miss the lights). But we had our little family bubble, which is more than we had last year, and if we didn’t have twinkle lights on a tree, we did have snow and food and light and heat (and yarn, for those of us – well, me – for whom that is important) and each other and it was all rather lovely. Our granddaughter (age 8) is coming back tomorrow to help my husband w his Christmas gift (Lego castle) and maybe that’s a metaphor for our life just now. Lots of little pieces, but there’s sort of a plan and we can get it done together. Frustration, yes; missing people, yes; not all we would hope for, yes. But together.
    PS: It also means that I can’t really vacuum on the main floor lest I suck up a Lego piece. Shucks.
    PPS: Thanks for the post.
    PPPS: Beautiful shawl. A real testament to love, black lace, and a perfect counterpoint to the knitted stars.
    Happy New Year, everyone.

  22. We had a zoom christmas dinner with our daughters families. It seemed prudent but . I am not knitting but rather darning all worn thru past their best socks. Truely happy to find that I still had the correct yarns to darn or reknit heels.and remembering how much i loved or hated working with those yarns.. got to take the wins when we get them now

  23. All the best to you and yours this holiday. Love Eliot’s hair cut! We keep attacking my son’s hair with clippers (he’s about the same age) with mixed results. If only he would hold as still as my knitting projects..

  24. Wonderful lovely post, my dear, and a special gold star for “Auntie Banda” which made me giggle and then smile really big for the warm spirit she is glowing with. Just beautiful!

  25. Guess I waited too long to thank Lani for the tip on knitting a duck from SEVEN pages of instructions without a picture (from Hold Hands When You Cross the Road). I’m still daunted at the thought, but if I can actually knit a duck, I think I’ll try next for a raccoon.

  26. Dear Stephanie,
    A Happy and Healthy New Year to you and yours. Your “meh” celebration still looks pretty good to me. Always mixed feelings this time of year. Last year my grandson died on Dec.13th. We knew he would not live a very long life and even though short it was a lot better than we thought it would be. This year, his younger brother was born on Dec. 9th, just 4 days short of the anniversary of his brother’s death. He is healthy and his name is Matan which means gift.

  27. Life has its ups and downs. Right now we are all living in the real world and knitlandia. Sometimes we just blipping lose our crap and have to find a way to hang on for just one more day and take joy where we can.

    The blog family has broad shoulders and is here for you.

  28. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and thank you for thinking of us and posting during the holidays. You all are like extended family that we don’t see, so it’s nice to see you doing well (as well as possible). My youngest son went to college in Maine this year, and I’m in NJ. So, he’s home for a month, and that’s the best! My oldest son and his family didn’t come in this year, but we videochatted. (almost as good, but what can you do?) My lovely daughter still lives at home, and keeps me going. Love to all the blog, too.

  29. I like that Ken – he knew to wear his new sweater to your house!! That’s a man deserving of handknits! Definitely on your bandwagon of “love the ones you’re with”. I’ve never spent so much time on my front porch, speaking with people on the lawn or sidewalk. Oh well, so far we are all safe. And as I said on IG, regarding the black lace, never say never!!! Wishing us all some peace and family time at some point in 2022, though it may be months away. Chin up, lovies!

  30. Ah, Steph — good to hear from you (I was a bit concerned…) and to know you did so well to enjoy your Christmas, and see the Ones Who Are Important in your life. You’re a braver soul than I to knit with LED lights — even though I have strings of tiny ones…I think…somewhere in the garage… May you and yours continue to be safe and well, so you can have many more special times together — nearby or at distance. In my widowed life (no grandkids), any time one of my kids (36 and 40) calls is a plus. Keep calm, be blessed, and knit on!

  31. Knit with LED lights? Knitted stars that glow? Gorgeous. Who thinks of things like this? Obviously Steph does. Elliot is a very lucky little fellow. Great post -you all are still making memories and maybe new traditions. Without grands, our distractions from the pandemic and health issues are our horses, our dog- in training for agility – and a very odd orange cat. Retirement has been the best job for these times. I’ve followed your blog for at least 10 years. Still love it.

  32. Thank you for the useful information, I won’t be able to understand without your clear description. I really appreciate that I have also followed you to get informed on your next post.
    mc wiki

  33. Players must approach corners at the optimal speed, initiate the drift at the right moment, and maintain control throughout the slide to accumulate points. Drift Boss

  34. Musical genres span diverse sounds and emotions https://thisisjones.com/ , uniting global audiences. From pop’s catchiness to rock’s rebellion, PnB Rock’s fusion, Christian rock’s faith, and R&B’s soul, music transcends boundaries and connects us.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.